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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029245">Mists of Celeste</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongism/pseuds/hongism'>hongism</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mists of Celeste [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ATEEZ (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Assassin San, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Captain Kim Hongjoong, Character Death, Death, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Former Slave Wooyoung, Found Family in a rag tag space pirate crew yaknow, Guns, Healer Yunho, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Knives, Lieutenant Seonghwa, M/M, Major Character Death is a POSSIBILITY, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Past Torture, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Potential Poly Relationships, Psychic Abilities, Psychological Torture, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Space Pirates, Strategist Yeosang, Trauma, Weapons, pay attention to the tags pls, they're important for possible triggers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:42:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>295,794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029245</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongism/pseuds/hongism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you.</p><p>aka<br/>Happening across the infamous Scourge of the Black Sea and his crew of dangerous criminals was not on your to-do list, nor was joining said crew of pirates, yet life just seems to go like that sometimes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>ATEEZ Ensemble/Reader, Choi Jongho/Choi San, Choi Jongho/Song Mingi, Choi San/Jeong Yunho, Choi San/Reader, Han Jisung | Han/Reader, Jeong Yunho/Kim Hongjoong, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang, Jung Wooyoung/Reader, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Reader, Park Seonghwa/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mists of Celeste [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974382</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>880</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>653</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Act One - Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You said that you’re with the military? I don’t recall the military having ships as small as yours.” If possible, your eyes would roll all the way back in your head at the man’s comment. Instead, you plaster a smile on your lips, gaze flitting around the bridge as you do. </p><p>“Yes, Ambassador Salvadore. They sent me on a transport ship, as I am here to relieve the captain of his duties—”</p><p>“That is not necessary, Miss.”</p><p>“—<em>on military orders</em>, Ambassador.” Your grin continues to stretch as you gauge the state of the bridge. It is severely lacking in terms of soldiers, which is good for you on multiple fronts, but the ambassador before you is proving to be more difficult than you first anticipated.</p><p>“Well, that is quite unfortunate then, seeing as I will never have a woman command my ship even if on supposed "military orders”. Which division did you say you were from?“ The ambassador is too much of a skeptic; he must be old enough to have witnessed – perhaps even taken part in – the First Military Revolt in 2143 when the first female Fleet Admiral was inaugurated, but you don’t have time to argue politics with an old man.</p><p>"I’m afraid you don’t have a choice, Ambassador. It’s military orders, whether you like it or not. We are beyond the days of sexist remarks about women commandeering ships, are we not?” You bite out. The smile on your lips falters a bit, and the older man’s gaze hardens on you. </p><p>“Where are your papers? I need proof of your purpose here, as well as a written record of your orders." </p><p>One hand slips down your thigh, brushing the holster where your pistol sits, but you bring it back up upon second thought. </p><p>"Papers were not given, sir. The HMS <em>Revenge</em> is less than 50 thousand megameters from Eros and as such, my commander did not think it necessary to send me out with papers.” You bring your hands behind your back to resist the urge of putting a bullet between the ambassador’s eyes, clasping them tightly and glaring at the grey-haired man before you. Whether he believes your words or not is unimportant, because he can’t seem to stay focused on the topic at hand anyways.</p><p>“Where is your seal? What rank are you? Your division? The name of your commander so that I can have a word with him once we dock on Eros again?”</p><p>“I am wearing my seal, sir, along with my uniform. As for your other questions, I believe that if it were a man standing before you, you would ask nothing of him, Ambassador. Thus I do not feel inclined to answer any of your questions.” The old man’s eyes rake over your form, and once again, you feel your fingers itching to reach for your pistol as he stares. Biting down hard on the tip of your tongue, you push the desire back and grin back at the man. The uniform you’re currently wearing fits awkwardly – baggy at the shoulders and waist, along with sleeves that keep falling past your wrists when you let go of them, and overall it’s a bit obvious that the uniform did not originally belong to you. The excuse you can think of on the spot is that you were given a recycled uniform, but considering how stubborn and skeptical Ambassador Salvadore is, you don’t think you’ll be able to slip through with that lie.</p><p>“Your uniform looks like it was taken from the garbage,” the man states, confirming your concerns. You sigh then open your mouth to retort but he cuts you off before you have the chance. “You are one soddy excuse for a pirate, girl. One woman against an entire crew? A fool’s errand if anything. Not at all some grand heist.”</p><p>“I am not a pirate,” you spit back between gritted teeth. “I am merely here on military business. Nothing more, nothing less.”</p><p>“You see, Miss, that is actually not true. You cannot be here on military business because I would’ve been informed beforehand. No one elected to inform me of a change in the captainship, however. Thus, you must either be a pirate of another sort of criminal.” The man takes a few steps forward, risking to be within a couple feet of you now, and you note the lack of weapon on him. He walks with a slight limp, no doubt a bummed knee from early military days that he never had surgery on, and his left foot drags a bit along the floor as he walks over. “Besides, your face looks quite familiar, Miss. Have I seen you on a bounty paper before?”</p><p>“I highly doubt that,” you whisper. Eyes dare to meet yours, and you pass a sinister smirk his way before uttering your next words. “I make a note to not leave anyone alive once they’ve seen me.” His eyes widen. </p><p>“Grab her!”</p><p>You bring your hand to your holster with the intention to use the weapon this time, but somehow the man is quicker. Well, <em>his </em>men are quicker. One comes from behind you – the guard who brought you to the bridge when you boarded – and another comes from your right, grabbing your arm before you have the chance to pull out your gun.</p><p>“Cute trap, ambassador. Think of it all by yourself?" </p><p>"In fact, I did. Didn’t take much thought since all pirates are the same.”</p><p>“This is a mistake, ambassador. You really don’t want to be doing this, I promise. And I’ll remind you again: I am not a pirate.” You don’t waste your time struggling against the grip of the men around your arms. Instead, you glare at the old man in front of you as though it’ll get you out of this predicament faster. You get what you asked for, just not in the way you were wanting or expecting. The cool touch of a gun barrel finds your temple.</p><p>“Then you’re a fugitive. Or a criminal. A pirate is no different. You all bleed the same, so there’s no point in making useless distinctions.”</p><p>“You bleed the same too, ambassador.”</p><p>“Kill her." </p><p>You brace yourself for the worst, hoping at least for a swift and painless death, but it doesn’t come right away. The ground quakes underneath you, then everything jerks for a moment. In a split second, the lights dim and flash red, sirens begin to wail throughout the bridge, and you spot the captain scrambling to return to his post. The ship wobbles, and as it does, your captors lose their balance. You seize the moment, yanking your limbs from their grasp and slamming the back of your head against the man behind you. A sickening crunch follows along with a scream of pain. The man on your left is already beginning to recover his balance so you have to work fast and swing your elbow against his jugular before he can fire his gun. He crumples under the attack and clutches at his throat while you swing around to deliver a similar blow to the soldier behind you as well.</p><p>"Captain, report! What is happening?” The ambassador yells, scampering back as you grab the gun from the man beside you. </p><p>“I can answer that for you,” you huff. Your chest heaves from the sudden burst of exertion, and you rise to your feet slowly. The ship lurches again, sending the crew careening backward, but you steady yourself by ducking down. “You’re being boarded by <em>actual </em>pirates. And in my time in the black seas, I’ve only seen <em>one </em>crew use this boarding tactic.”</p><p>“Who? Tell me now, girl!”</p><p>“Give me control of the ship <em>now </em>or you’re not getting out of this mess alive,” you say, taking several steps towards the ambassador.</p><p>“Absolutely not. I would rather see this ship blown to pieces before she falls into the hands of a pirate.”</p><p>“She’ll be in the hands of a pirate regardless!” You argue, and your tone grows incredulous when the old man glares at you.</p><p>“They're <em>pirates</em>. They don’t stand a chance against soldiers from the Royal Military,” he sneers before turning on his heel and walking towards the captain. </p><p>“Holy fuck… it’s the Scourge of the Black Sea.” It’s another crew member who mutters the words, gun no longer aimed at you but just past your shoulder, and you whip upon hearing the name. You had seen the Scourge’s file many many times, yet none of the pictures included in it were accurate in the slightest now that you are face to face with the man. </p><p>Kim Hongjoong, barely older than you yet still the most notorious pirate in the galaxy. Scourge of the Black Sea, a moniker that serves him well, but seeing him before you now changes that. First of all, he’s not nearly as tall as you pictured him to be. The files never shared details about his height or hair color or anything like that, but you somewhat expected the infamous Scourge of the Black Sea to be of intimidating height; however, the three men standing around him are all taller than him, although not by a drastic amount. Still, you weren’t expecting the man to look as young as he does. Someone with a track record like his surely would seem much older than his profile depicts him to be. You can’t call him out for his age since you are younger than him yourself but after years of expectations about what this infamous pirate would be like, you feel a bit let down. His gaze is piercing and harsh, but a gleam in his eyes shelters playfulness. Behind that sharp gaze lies dark eyes, so dark they almost seem black from the angle you’re standing at. Beyond that though, you don’t find yourself scared at the sight of him at all.</p><p>He doesn’t look your way, in fact, he glances past you as though you don’t exist. Someone else is looking directly at you, however, and it’s his gaze that redirects your focus. You don’t recognize him – or the other two men with the Scourge for that matter – but he has distinct features. Cat-like eyes, upturned and wide, alongside a captivating smile that’s a bit too bright for your liking. His grin is strange, but hair even stranger – a solid head of black except for one section at the front of his head cut out like a slice of pure white strands. His gaze doesn’t falter, remaining locked on yours as you continue to analyze him. It’s almost as though he seems to know you and who you are, a knowing quirk in his expression. </p><p>“More fucking pirates on my ship!" </p><p>You maintain a stare with the man beside the Scourge rather than turning to look back at the ambassador again.</p><p>"Now, now…” Hongjoong cuts through the terse silence across the bridge, voice booming throughout the room with little effort. He takes one, then two steps forward, the jacket around his shoulders sweeping back with the movement. It’s only two steps, and yet you feel the intimidating aura radiating off of the man in those small movements. “All I want is what’s in the cargo hold. Give me what I want, and I’ll spare your men.”</p><p>“Open fire soldiers!”</p><p>“I guess we’re gonna do this the hard way then,” Hongjoong mutters as the soldiers scattered throughout the bridge raise their weapons. That’s your cue to duck out of the way. As fascinating as the boy with cat-like features may be, you would rather not be riddled with bullets because you were too focused on staring at him. You have no doubts that the Scourge would shoot right through you, and you’re going to have to move fast to get what you’re wanting without trouble from him. You push forward, running directly at a soldier off to your left, then the gunfire begins to ring in your ears along with the alarm. </p><p>It doesn’t take much effort to wrestle the gun from its owner. One swift kick to the side of his knee and a fist to his nose suffices, and the weapon falls into your hands. You slam the butt of the gun against his cheekbone, not waiting for him to fall to the floor before you’re pushing past him to get into the captain’s cabin. </p><p>“Fucking hell,” you curse under your breath when the door snaps shut behind you. </p><p>Gunfire and alarms still ring outside the door. You aren’t sure how long the gunfire is going to last, but your getaway ship leaves when it’s over meaning that you need to move quickly. Papers are strewn all across the captain’s desk, but the ones you’re looking for won’t be lying about. You drop the rifle to the desk and squat down to be eye level with the drawers, clicking the first open. </p><p>“Where are you?” You mutter to yourself as you file through the mess in the drawers. Digging to the back, your fingers close around a bundle of papers. You yank them forward, seeing a neat red ribbon tied around the middle along with a wax seal placed directly over the thread. It bears the Royal Insignia of Eros. You sigh at the sight, one finger trails over the ridges of the wax, and you read the words across the front to yourself. “Papers of Free Travel and Safe Conduct. Signed by the king.” A small, raspy laugh escapes your lips. Despite the chaos of gunfire and alarms blaring around you, you can’t help but feel a wave of calm wash over you.</p><p>“Put the papers down, pirate.” You glance up, eyes fixating on the door, and spot the ambassador glaring you down. You tuck the letters into your shirt, your free hand gliding across the desk to grab for the rifle you set down. </p><p>“Sorry old man. I’m leaving with these papers. It doesn’t matter whether you’re dead or alive to me.” You lift the rifle and point it at the man’s head without hesitation. “Cross me, Ambassador Salvadore. You won’t live to see the end of it.”</p><p>“The papers or your life,” he spits back, shakily lifting his own pistol. Perhaps you were wrong about his endeavors in the military previously, or maybe he’s just that terrified of you. </p><p>“Did you misunderstand me? Step aside. The pirates with the Scourge already killed all your men, didn’t they? My guess is they’re on the way to the cargo hold and plan to kill every soldier along the way. Do you want to join the corpses?” You let the gun slip down a little. The ambassador quakes under your movements but shakes his head once you finish speaking. “Then step aside.”</p><p>He does as told, moving away from the door as you keep your gun trained on him. You don’t dare look away from him, too wary of him being trigger happy or trying to jump you once you get closer to the door. The cool touch of metal hits your back, and you feel around for the touchpad beside the door. </p><p>“Why are you doing this?” He asks once you lower your gun.</p><p>“I want my freedom. I don’t care what I have to do to get it.”</p><p>“So you’re going to kill me anyway then?”</p><p>“No. I’ll leave that for the Scourge. They say he doesn’t take prisoners.” You turn away, slamming your palm against the door control. As it slides open, you pass one last glance to your dear ambassador. Eyes stretch wide as he lifts his pistol again, and you’re forced to duck away as best you can. Either you’re too slow or he’s too quick. The resounding echo of a pistol shot follows, and you barely register that you’ve just been hit until a burning sensation sears through your right arm. If not for the adrenaline coursing through your veins, you would be crumpled on the ground in pain. It’s a good thing for that too because you don’t have much time to sneak aboard your getaway ship. </p><p>The ambassador doesn’t follow you out, and you don’t stop to check your wound before darting after the trail of dead bodies. </p><p>“Shit shit <em>shit</em>,” you hiss under your breath. Warm blood begins to trickle down your arm, making the fabric of your ill-fitting uniform cling to your skin. If your studies of Kim Hongjoong’s tactics are correct, he should’ve docked his ship along the corridor to the ballistics bay, and your studies must be accurate because there is one living person near the end of the corridor. Guarding the docking station. With a gun. Just your luck. </p><p>“Hongjoong, there’s a—” You chuck your rifle at him, catching the man off guard, and he stumbles back to dodge your weak attack. Killing him would be foolish and far too suspicious, but you’re doomed in hand to hand combat with a gunshot wound in your dominant arm. “Fuck. There’s a girl here, she's—” You cut him off again, sweeping a foot under his and bringing him to the floor. His gun clatters to the side. You bring your left hand down in attempts to punch him, but he catches you by the wrist before you can make contact. The fabric of your sleeve slides a bit, you panic, and with frantic movements, you try to pull out of his grasp. The two of you freeze where you are and merely stare at each other for a moment. Then he grabs for his gun again, whipping a leg up to rail you in the side. You hiss at the impact but manage to kick his gun away before he can grab hold of it. </p><p>“Seonghwa? Seonghwa, repeat.” The voice comes from the man’s form, no doubt the wristband that glows as the audio comes through. You scramble for your pistol, crying out in pain as your muscles flex at the spot of your wound, but manage to bring the butt of the gun against the man’s temple before he has the chance to respond to his captain. “Seonghwa. Are you there? I repeat, are you there?" </p><p>You sit up, a slight stumble in your steps as you get back to your feet. The man – Seonghwa, most likely – doesn’t move, but you can see the staggered rhythm of his breaths as his chest heaves. He’ll get away with a headache and minor concussion at best, which is better than being dead for certain.</p><p>"Shit.” The voice crackles through Seonghwa’s wristband, and you can barely hear it over the still-blaring alarms in the ship. “Yeosang, come in. Go check up on Seonghwa. Kill anyone in your way. We aren’t here to make friends.” You step over the man’s unconscious body, glancing into the ship on the other side. </p><p>“Cargo bay, cargo bay. Surely you have signs on your ship, Scourge,” you mutter as you step onto the foreign spaceship. “Can’t be much different than a military ship, right?” You slip your pistol back into its holster, right hand still dancing over the grip despite the pain radiating from that arm. The adrenaline is beginning to wear off, and the more you walk the more you feel the pain. Thankfully, the ship is smaller than anticipated. It’s only a short trip to reach the cargo bay, no elevators either, which surprises you. You had initially imagined that the infamous Scourge of the Black Sea would have a ship that’s a bit more difficult to sneak onto and carry stowaways, but perhaps you overestimated him.</p><p>The cargo bay is littered with boxes. Some are stacked all the way to the ceiling, while others remain strewn about, all evenly spaced. Despite the volume of boxes, there isn’t much space left in the bay. No doubt, they’ll decide to make port on one of the trading planets soon to sell off all the stolen cargo, meaning that you’ll be able to escape then. Hopefully with relative ease too because otherwise, you’re going to be trapped on the ship of one of the most merciless pirates in the galaxy. </p><p>Slipping between the rows of boxes, your gaze trails over each label. Guns, ammunition, meats, produce, textiles, spices, crafting tools – there seems to be a box for every object in existence. You pause beside a box labeled fabrics and thumb at the clasps, clicking them open to reveal the contents. It’s only about half full of spools, more than plenty enough room for you to fit inside, and it would be marginally more comfortable than a crate full of guns. You glance around the cargo bay first, eyes scanning the walls and ceiling for any signs of cameras before you duck into the crate. </p><p>It’s a tight fit, a bit too cramped for comfort, but of course, comfort isn’t a luxury you can afford to bitch about at the moment. The searing pain radiating from your right arm is a bigger concern, especially considering that it is getting worse and worse with each passing moment. You bring a finger to your arm, feeling around for an exit wound on the opposite side; however, you can’t find one despite all your prodding. Meaning that the bullet is still lodged in your arm.</p><p>“Fucking <em>shit</em>,” you curse under your breath. Your arm falls to the bed of fabrics limply. One fucking ambassador with a shaky hand is not going to send you to your grave because of a damn bullet in your arm, and you’d sooner tear the bullet out with your own fingers.</p><p>“Deliver the boxes here!” The sudden intrusion of voices stops your fingers from reaching for the wound, however, and you instead press your left palm over the wound in attempts to slow the bleeding. “If you’re done getting beat up by soldiers, that is.” The voice no doubt belongs to the Scourge, but the next one is less familiar. </p><p>“She wasn’t a fucking soldier. I told you that.” A grunt follows along with the thud of something heavy. It takes a few moments for you to realize that the “she” is, in fact, <em>you</em>, and the person Hongjoong is speaking to must be the man you clobbered at the docking station. “No way she was military. She had a uniform but when we were fighting, I caught her arm and there were chains branded on the inside of her wrist.” Your eyes widen despite only seeing darkness around you. Subconsciously, you tighten your grip around your wound, the image of chains branded onto your skin the only thing you can see. </p><p>“You still got your ass handed to you.”</p><p>“Yeah well, maybe she ought to join the crew since she’s able to kick my ass.”</p><p>“Why would a military traitor be of any use to me?” Silence answers the question, and Hongjoong continues speaking, his clear voice ringing loudly in your ears as though he’s right next to you. “Who says that military traitor won’t betray me too?”</p><p>“I don’t recall you saying that about our dear <em>Royal Betrayer</em> when he joined the crew. Besides, a prejudice against the military does not equal a prejudice against any sort of leadership.”</p><p>“Oh, is that so? Would you like to go back onto that ship and get her? If you’re so adamant about her joining <em>my </em>crew, why don’t you do that?”</p><p>“No sir. I wouldn’t like to do that. I am merely trying to be logical. We’ve lost over half our crew in the past two months, either due to death or desertion. Hongjoong, you really need to consider bringing mo—”</p><p>“You need to consider your position on this ship,” Hongjoong cuts in, voice dropping in volume and turning to venom. “You are <em>Lieutenant</em>, not Captain. I am the Captain. Is that not clear?”</p><p>“Crystal clear.”</p><p>“I will consider bringing more crewmates in when I deem it necessary. Understood?”</p><p>“Yes, Captain. It was merely a suggestion. Nothing else.” Quiet falls between the men, air so tense you could cut it with a knife even from your position in this crate. “What of the survivors, Captain?”</p><p>“Kill them all. Destroy the ship as well. I don’t want to see a single trace of the HMS <em>Revenge</em>. We got what we needed. Nothing else matters." </p><p>You shift and twist in the crate, trying to adjust into a more comfortable position only to slam your arm against the side of the wood. A sharp hiss escapes your lips before you can stop it. Teeth sink into your lower lip as you attempt to contain the sound but the damage is already done. </p><p>There’s silence outside the crate.</p><p>Your heart thrums loud, erratic beats against your eardrums.</p><p>Two seconds meld into five, then ten seconds pass in silence. You hear no sounds of movement, no scraping of shoes or thumps of boots. </p><p>"You don’t have to do this, Hongjoong,” the second voice speaks at last. “As you said, we got what we needed. We can just leave now.”</p><p>“I do have to do this, Seonghwa. If I don’t kill a man every now and then, no one fears me.”</p><p>“What of the trail of corpses aboard that ship right now? Is that not enough <em>fear </em>for you? Do you think their families and friends wait at home afraid of <em>you</em>?”</p><p>"I gave you an order, Lieutenant.”</p><p>“Yes, Captain.” Footsteps resound, the clanking of boots against metal flooring, and the sound grows fainter until you can’t hear anything except the thud of your heartbeat in your ears and the rasps of your breath. You don’t risk lifting the lid of the crate yet, not until you’re absolutely certain that the two men have left the cargo hold. You lie in the darkness, listening to nothing except the faint sounds of your own breathing for god knows how long. </p><p>When you finally creak the lid open, there is only more darkness surrounding you. The lights throughout the cargo bay are dimmed, leaving you to feel your way around the crate to little avail. The blood on your hand has grown sticky from the length of time you’ve been lying there but at least the steady flow of blood has subsided to a slow trickle. You grab at one of the spools of fabric in your new home. Tearing a long strip of the material off, you try your best to bandage the wound without being able to see it or have both hands to do so. It’s awkward and shitty, no doubt barely a knot keeping it together, but it’s just enough pressure to alleviate some of the blood flow. </p><p>The steady loss of blood has left you dizzy. You crawl back into the crawl with heavy limbs, barely able to close the lid back just enough so that you can still breathe some fresh air. Time seems to stretch on forever, the darkness simultaneously keeping you up and helping you fall into slumber. You finally slip into sleep between the throbbing pain in your right arm and the stinging memory of a hot brand being pressed against the inside of your left wrist, along with the words “<em>filthy fucking traitor</em>”. You fall asleep with one hand resting over the place where you tucked the stolen papers into your shirt, the folds of the letters easing your worries enough to let you sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>on god, y'all are probably like pleASE calypso no more series istg you don’t have the tiME but oh well i may not have the time but i’ve got the enthusiasm :D ((jk pls don’t scalp me i’m just trying to have fun here)) but also hello hello thank you for reading!!! i really hope you all enjoyed it and please let me know what you think of it and feel free to send an ask on tumblr or leave a comment if you have any questions/feedback/just overall love for me bc i’m really anxious to know what you all think!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Act One - Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spending four days trapped in a cramped box in a cargo bay with nothing except for spools of fabric to keep you company is certainly not your definition of a good time. No one would find this dreadful situation fun. To make matters worse, you aren't stuck in a box on just any spaceship. No, your luck would deem it to be the ship of the most notorious and dangerous pirate across the galaxy. Thrilling, no?</p><p> </p><p>No, most certainly not thrilling.</p><p> </p><p>During your time spent in the lovely little box, you have started to notice small bits and pieces of information about the ship you are hiding on. Notably, the crates packed full of food. You've been able to keep a full stomach off that alone, although water has been a bit elusive over the past two days. Now, on the fifth day, you are hoping to get a better source of liquid than you have currently, which is draining the juice from cans and jars of fruit. Attempting to hide the used canisters was only hard the first day you were aboard the Scourge's ship, but now you have a method of placing the used jars in the middle of each crate and covering them with full ones so that it doesn't look suspicious.</p><p> </p><p>People come and go from the cargo bay, but no one stays long. You've noticed that it is the same three people who make rotations through the hold. You haven't been able to catch sight of them since you spend most your time curled in a crate, but the sound of footsteps sounds different each time. Three different patterns and you've had plenty of time to analyze the differences since you do nothing except stare into darkness all the time. It's only ever one person who comes by the cargo bay, those three making the same trek, and that's what helps you keep track of the time.</p><p> </p><p>There are zero indicators of time down here. The lights only turn on when someone enters the bay. No windows in the room either, although that wouldn't serve any purpose because being in space already means having a bad sense of time, but you didn't bring a watch to keep track. Then again, things weren't supposed to go down the way they did. You can't complain too much because if the Scourge and his crew hadn't come through, you would've gotten a bullet in the skull rather than one in your arm.</p><p> </p><p>Today is no different than the last four. You wake up to darkness, and the only reason you know your eyes are even open is because of the feel of your eyelids pressing together. And of course, the searing pain that radiates from your right arm the moment you wake up. You haven't been able to check up on the wound. All your time spent out of the crate is time spent rushing to get food or drink then hurrying back to your same hiding spot. The pain has certainly gotten much worse over the past few days, the bullet still lodged in your flesh, and the blood still oozing out whenever you so much as bump it on the wall of the crate. The weather in the cargo bay is rather hot, no doubt partially due to the stuffiness within your hiding place. Even without the crate though, you would know that the amount of sweat leaking from your forehead and body is unnatural.</p><p> </p><p>Fever. That is the only explanation. Fever, however, means infection, and infection means that the bullet in your arm is only causing more issues as time goes on. If the wound is infected already, then you don't have enough time to remain stuffed in a crate for who knows how long. In other words, you are slowly dying, and it is not your life's goal to be found dead in a storage crate full of fabric.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps fate is smiling down on you at the moment because today is your lucky day. The door of the cargo bay clicks open, signaling the time for a routine check. It should only take five minutes or so but you are holding your breath out of fear of being caught.</p><p> </p><p>"Hmm… nothing new," a voice calls out. It isn't a familiar one; at least it doesn't sound like the only two you know. No one makes a habit of speaking when they come into the cargo hold, so this is new. "Pretty good at hiding your tracks."</p><p> </p><p>Despite your fever and sweat, you feel cold all of a sudden. Your blood runs cold at the insinuation behind the words. <em>He knows… He knows I'm here. No, wait. He could be talking to someone else. Maybe someone came with him this time?</em> You wait five, ten seconds in the hopes that someone will respond to him but no one does.</p><p> </p><p>"Bloodstains. Drip bloodstains to be specific. I know someone is here. Frankly, you're just lucky that I haven't told Captain yet. If he found out that he had another stowaway, it would be quite awful for you."</p><p> </p><p>There is a pause to his words, a sharp inhale along with a sniff, then footsteps follow. They get louder as the man walks, meaning that he must be walking closer to your crate.</p><p> </p><p>"I can't promise you a quick death." His voice is quieter now but still manages to carry across the room. "But if you're injured… Healer might have mercy on you. At least a little. Captain won't for certain. Lieutenant? Maybe."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Lieutenant… I know that one. The one I fought outside the boarding station. Tall, dark long hair, pretty good at kicking. Seonghwa, was it?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Captain listens to him a lot more than he should, but a lot less than is kind. Oh, by the way, I'm sure you are wondering who I am. I'm Spectre. When you decide to talk, it would be for the best." His voice rings in your ears. Perhaps it's because of the increasing fever, but the volume of his voice is bringing a sharp pain to your head and adding to the already present ache in your body. "I am a spy and assassin for a reason. Finding people isn't difficult at all for me. Especially considering that there is blood on six crates. Body heat coming from one. Tell me how that adds up for you."</p><p> </p><p>You bite down hard on the tip of your tongue, refusing to give him the pleasure of being right even though you have no way of proving him wrong.</p><p> </p><p>"Alright then, stay quiet. I'll be back later with some food. Maybe you'll want to talk then, if you're done stealing food from the crates down here. I won't bring the healer though, that can wait for when you're ready to cooperate." Again, the man pauses. More footsteps follow, but this time they grow quieter as he moves. "I know you've been in that crate for at least four days now, meaning that whatever injury you have is either already infected or about to be. You don't have the proper medical equipment down her to take care of it, so that's the only logical explanation."</p><p> </p><p>You reach around your arm and dab at the wound with two fingers. It's hot to the touch, and more than a little sensitive. The pain surges through your arm despite only touching one small spot. <em>He's right.</em></p><p> </p><p>"In less than three days, the infection will spread to the rest of your body, and you won't live much longer. Unless you want to be found dead in a crate, which I'm sure you don't, you ought to just get out."</p><p> </p><p>You laugh to yourself upon hearing his words. It's as though he can read my mind. Pressing your head back against the fabric under you, you dip one finger into the wound and dig around in attempts to find the bullet. The action hurts like hell but serves its purpose when your finger brushes over something slick and round. You pull your finger out, rubbing it across your shirt. <em>He has a point though. I don't want to be found dead in a box because of a shitty shot from a scared old man.</em> You grumble under your breath, eyes rolling back as you realize the predicament you're stuck in, then shove upwards with your left shoulder. The lid of the crate rattles and comes loose. You roll out of the box, suffering a rather harsh landing. Luckily, you land on your left shoulder rather than your right. Glancing up from the floor, you search for the man in the cargo bay. He stands near the edge of the room, close to the door, and faces you with arms crossed over his chest.</p><p> </p><p>You recognize him but only barely. The fever is messing with your vision, he's a blurry form before you, but clear enough for you to see cat eyes and a captivating smile. <em>Him… </em>It’s the man who was staring you down on the bridge when they boarded. You hoist yourself to your feet, pulling yourself up to be more at eye level with the man. You glance over his form and features. He bears dark hair, practically black in the blurry light, aside from a single strip of blinding white hair at the front of his head. His eyes immediately move for your injured arm.</p><p> </p><p>"So I was right." His voice lilts through the air. "You're bleeding quite a bit. It's soaked through your clothes. You must be weak from not eating or drinking well for the past four days at least. I don't need to be Healer to know that."</p><p> </p><p>You refuse to speak; instead, you glare at the man.</p><p> </p><p>"Listen, I actually don't want to see Captain kill another person after the last ship he massacred." He takes a few steps forward, hands falling down by his sides. "I can get you healed… I can get you healed and off the ship before Captain notices. Just – You just have to cooperate." You stumble forward with shaky steps but still manage to come within a couple feet of him. You spit on his feet. A small smile rises to your lips after the action, and you laugh to yourself. The man scowls down at you. "Well, I'm regretting niceties about now. Just follow me if you want help. If not, you can crawl back into your crate and die. How does that work for you?"</p><p> </p><p>Again you neglect to respond. The man, Spectre as he called himself, doesn't wait for an answer though; he turns on his heel and walks out the cargo bay, leaving you to play catch up. You trail after him in silence. Walking in and of itself is a serious struggle, legs weak and shaky from the lack of use over the past few days, as well as from the fever controlling your body at the moment. Your right hand reaches for your gun holster out of pure instinct, despite the pain radiating from that arm. You hiss as a particularly sharp stab of pain shoots through the limb, and the man is quick to comment on it.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh? So you aren't mute after all. At least you can make some amount of noise."</p><p> </p><p>Gritting your teeth, you bite back the next hiss as you continue to reach for your weapon.</p><p> </p><p>"Don't."</p><p> </p><p>Your fingers hesitate at the grip. </p><p> </p><p>"Don't strain yourself trying to shoot me. It wouldn't work even if you weren't injured so just leave it. You can't win like this. It's pointless really so, please. Please just save us both the trouble."</p><p> </p><p>As much as you hate to admit it, he has another valid point. Even if you do shoot him, you still have nowhere to go. Stuck on the ship of a pirate in the middle of space with no idea where you are or where you’re going. Not doing anything happens to be the best option.</p><p> </p><p>You stumble, tripping over your own feet yet somehow still managing to stay standing. Spectre looks back at you, no doubt hearing the clunk and thud of your feet. You attempt to glare at him, seem intimidating in some way, or even just block out the sight of his form before you. Instead, you heave and fall forward. Vomit leaves your lips before you can think twice or feel the action. Red decorates the pool of vomit beneath you, along with bile and the remnants of food you ate the night before. Spectre rushes for you, arms outstretched to try to catch you before you land in the pile, but he doesn't move quite fast enough. Your chin collides with the floor, directly atop the vomit.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, gross," he mutters more to himself than to you. "Your infection must be worse than I imagined. That's an unnatural amount of blood in your puke. Unless you have a tendency to throw up blood for fun, that is. Highly doubt that though."</p><p> </p><p>"Ju-ust leave me," you stammer. Using your hands to push up off the ground, you sit up straight with the help of the man on your left. "Let me die."</p><p> </p><p>"You talk after all." He earns a half-hearted and weak scowl from you for that remark. It's enough to shut his smartass remarks up and make him answer you though. "I won't leave you to die. Healer is just down the corridor. You'll be just fine." He loops an arm under yours and slides it across your back to support you as he gets you back to your feet. </p><p> </p><p>"Wh… Why all this – this effort?" You inquire. The floor under your gaze is getting progressively more blurry, black invades the edges of your vision, and soon you will be falling unconscious. Still, you try your best to stay awake long enough to hear his response. </p><p> </p><p>"Fuck. Fuck." Not quite the answer you were expecting or hoping for. "Captain—" That's the last word you hear before slipping into unconsciousness. </p><p> </p><p>✦          ✦          ✦</p><p> </p><p>Waking up is a painful effort. Voices boom around you, loud and intrusive on your rest, along with an invasion of bright white lights. You squeeze your eyes further shut as though it will help. The voices – one familiar and another new one – maintain their raucous volume. You crack an eye open, glancing around the new surroundings, and find yourself surrounded by white. The whole room is covered in it: the walls, floor, ceiling, beds, cabinets, everything. This must be the Healer's room as Spectre mentioned, which would mean you're in a med bay. Over at the right wall, Spectre stands with his arms over his chest and glaring forward at the source of all the yelling. You follow his line of sight.</p><p> </p><p>There stands the Scourge of the Black Sea, Captain, Kim Hongjoong, whichever name is most fitting, it doesn't matter. Another man is with him. He's tall, almost ridiculously so next to Hongjoong, and he bears dark brown hair with gentle features despite his yelling. Soft, gentle, kind – he looks a typical doctor. You bring your gaze back to Spectre, who notices the movement of your head and makes eye contact with you.</p><p> </p><p>"Healer and Captain," he mouths. You nod at his words, a mere confirmation of what you already suspected. The action feels strange and foreign, and there is a weird crackling sensation that dances across your face when you move your head. You bring a hand to your face only to find a film across it. It's the dried-up remains of your blood and vomit, no doubt. How nice that no one decided to clean it up. Spectre notices your movements. He drops his arms and moves for one of the sinks in the room, snatching up a rag and bringing it over to the bed you're on. You take it from him with a small smile of gratitude then get to work on rubbing your face down. The yelling around you continues.</p><p> </p><p>"Captain, please. I'm asking for just a bit of time to heal her."</p><p> </p><p>"No. Absolutely not. Especially not someone in that fucking uniform." You glance down at your clothes, trying to figure out what he means by that, but you are no longer wearing your previous clothes. You've been stripped down to your underwear – well not all the way down to that, but down to the plain white shirt you were wearing underneath your uniform along with the unadorned navy military pants that match the top. <em>Military. Ah yes, the thing he hates the most.</em></p><p> </p><p>"Spare her. It's one person, Captain."</p><p> </p><p>"I don't have space for any more stowaways. I had one and that's all I'm going to have. I won't waste valuable supplies on her, especially if she's military."</p><p> </p><p>"You just ransacked and massacred an entire ship's worth of people and stole the supplies!" The healer argues, hands coming up to accentuate his words. "She either dies by my hand because I fail to save her or you float her in space."</p><p> </p><p>"I'll put a bullet between her eyes before she floats."</p><p> </p><p>"Please Hongjoong. Please have mercy on <em>one person</em>."</p><p> </p><p>"Mercy doesn't get anyone anywhere."</p><p> </p><p>"I can save her. It's my job to heal people, and I'll be damned if I can't do it."</p><p> </p><p>"How about I solve the problem and put another bullet in her right now?" Hongjoong snarls, hand going for the pistol holstered at his thigh. He pulls it out, and all of a sudden, you're staring down the barrel of his gun. You don’t have time to react, barely enough time to blink. Then, a wall of brown. The healer steps in front of you, blocking your line of sight with Hongjoong. </p><p> </p><p>"Give her a chance. Give me a chance, or give <em>yourself </em>a chance, for fuck's sake. It might surprise you."</p><p> </p><p>"48 hours," the captain states as he pulls his pistol back. "Fix her in that amount of time. If she's not better by then, you get to put the bullet in her yourself."</p><p> </p><p>"No! Hongj—Captain, no, that's not nearly enough time to treat and gauge the recovery of an infection of her degree."</p><p> </p><p>"And now you're down to 47 hours. Best work quickly, Yunho." Hongjoong holsters his weapon then leaves the room without another word. Silence overtakes the room for a few moments. The healer rushes into action once the door slides shut behind Hongjoong. He hurries over to the cabinets, yanking them open and rifling through them as though his life – well yours really – depends on it. </p><p> </p><p>"San," he calls over his shoulder. You're confused for a second, then the man who gave you the rag moves.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes?"</p><p> </p><p>"Fetch a bottle of vodka and something to bite down on." </p><p> </p><p>Spectre moves with the same amount of haste that the healer is. He heads out the door Hongjoong left through, leaving you alone with the tall healer. </p><p> </p><p>"Tweezers, needles, antiseptic, gauze, lots of gauze," he mutters to himself. The healer walks from cabinet to cabinet, gathering more supplies as he moves, and once he has an armful of items, he makes his way to your bedside. "Hi." </p><p> </p><p>He plops down on a stool you didn't even notice, scooting closer to you before dropping the items on the bed. He sorts them with quick and deft fingers. Each one finds a new home on a table nearby as the healer goes through them. Once they have all made their way to the table, the man looks up at you. Well, more like down since he's tall even while sitting down, but that's beside the point.</p><p> </p><p>"My name is Yunho, I'm the healer here on The Horizon. I apologize for that shouting match you had to wake up to and witness." He reaches around you, picking up the cloth Spectre gave you earlier. He gently wipes at your face and scrubs at the spots you missed. "If I had more time, I would give you anesthesia. I'm worried that you may not be back to normal functioning if I give you the anesthesia now. Everyone's body reacts differently to it. We'll make do with it though. What's your dominant hand?"</p><p> </p><p>You respond with your head, nodding towards your injured arm.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, that complicates things quite a bit." Yunho sighs and leans back. One hand finds his hair, running through it and messing with the waves. "An infection like yours is going to take days if not weeks to fully heal. The muscle is damaged no doubt, as well as a potential fracture on the bone thanks to the pressure of the bullet. Since there's no exit wound, the bullet is obviously still in your arm, but I'm sure you knew that already. The infection is already causing fever in your body and weakening your system which means that until we get rid of it, your body will heal itself at a slower rate. Is this all making sense?"</p><p> </p><p>"Y-Yea," you murmur back, nodding along with his words. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay good. You can talk, that’s a good sign. Eh, actually maybe not. We’ll see. The issue with this whole situation is this: Hongjoong – Captain, I mean, will most likely have you shoot a gun to prove that you're alright. Unless you happen to be ambidextrous when it comes to shooting, that could be a problem, no?"</p><p> </p><p>"Just… get me well enough to shoot then." Yunho raises a brow at your words. "If all I need to do is fire a gun, then we don't need to worry about anything else."</p><p> </p><p>"So you're not ambidextrous then," Yunho laughs at his own comment. The door to the med bay slides open again, and Spectre steps back through with items in hand. A tall bottle of clear liquid and what looks to be a belt folded in half. "Ah, San, you're back!"</p><p> </p><p>"Bottle of vodka—" he passes the bottle to Yunho, "—and a belt to bite down on. It's the best we have on hand.</p><p> </p><p>"It'll do." Yunho pops the cap off the alcohol and gulps down a large amount before setting it on the table with his other supplies. He clears his throat, stands up, and grins down at you. "Alright, let's get started then."</p><p> </p><p>✧  ✧  ✧ </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: alright alright alright, here is chapter two!!! i hope you all enjoy!! i really am trying my best to stay on top of my schedule and stick to it for a while so i hope that i’m able to and able to stay inspired so that i can stick to my schedule! let me know what you think of this chapter!! kudos, comments, and bookmarks mean the world to me, and i love seeing your feedback so so much!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Act One - Part Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"First order of business," Yunho starts as he gets up from his stool. "I need to run some basic scans on your arm to gauge the injury and infection. Then a full-body scan to see how far the infection has spread. How long have you had the injury?" He moves around the bed you're placed on with quick steps, a tablet in hand.</p><p> </p><p>"Th-Three days," you stammer, watching him work. Spectre cuts in, and you almost forgot he was standing nearby with a brown belt in hand.</p><p> </p><p>"Four days. Today is the fifth," he says. Yunho glances over at him, eyes wide in question.</p><p> </p><p>"How do you know…?"</p><p> </p><p>"She was on the bridge of the <em>HMS Revenge</em>. Considering that Hongjoong destroyed the ship four days ago, this is the only logical explanation." Spectre motions towards you with his head. "I noticed her on the second day, to be honest. I only wanted to see how long it would take for her to reveal herself. Until I saw the blood trails, at least."</p><p> </p><p>"Ah yes, that makes sense." Yunho nods before bringing his tablet to hover over your arm. Blue light emits from the bottom of it, a faint stream of light that cascades over your bare skin.</p><p> </p><p>Now that your military uniform has been stripped, you can see the injury better, although you don't particularly want to see it. It's bruised black and blue, blood all around the hole that is shiny and fresh. It oozes a bit still, although the liquid is not all red, and you're certain that it's the infection mixed in as well. Not something you would like to look at but the blue rays coming from Yunho's tablet are quite fascinating to watch as they dance over your arm. You don't feel the touch of the light; you can only see it as it moves as though on its own accord. Sure you've had injuries time and time again, but the treatment methods for them were never like this. No fancy tablets with strange lights. Although the military has always had a more traditional approach to everything they do.</p><p> </p><p>"Hm. The bullet is in there pretty deep, huh? It… uh, it's in an awkward spot. The bullet tore right through your brachialis muscle along with a bit of your bicep. Moreso, the nerves all around the path of the bullet itself seem to be a bit fried? I doubt that makes any sense to you, but in layman's terms: two muscles have critical damage, and that's not something we can immediately fix. I can remove the bullet with an emergency operation to cut the arm open and take it out, which is the best course of action. The nerves can be… I'm not sure how to say this in a way that will make sense to you. Hm, well. The nerves can reconstruct themselves over time. When I do the surgery, I can help them along a little bit but I don't think it's needed. Nerves try to repair themselves by shrinking back and resting for a period of time. After the rest period, they grow back as they were. Muscles can do the same sort of thing but not in cases of extreme trauma. A muscle damaged in extreme trauma creates these gaps that are too large to fill on their own so scar tissue forms in the gaps as a way to compensate. Does that all make sense?"</p><p> </p><p>"I have an infection-induced fever," you state. "I don't understand anything you're saying." Yunho raises his brows.</p><p> </p><p>"I'll take that as a no." Yunho lifts the tablet higher and drags it through the air above your head all the way down to your feet. The blue rays conform to your body as they move, widening and contracting with the folds of your clothes. "San, could you do me another favor? I need you to go get Woo so I can have an assistant to run the operation."</p><p> </p><p>"No, no, I can do it," Spectre answers with haste. His eyes dart between you and Yunho. "Woo won't be necessary. I can help you." Yunho stands up straight, pulling the tablet back to his chest one the light retracts from your body, and stares at San. He looks ready to argue about the topic but never opens his mouth to retort. Instead, he releases a deep sigh: a sign of relenting. San's lips quirk upwards into a small smile of victory.</p><p> </p><p>"Fine. Get the anesthesia injection, a scalpel, tweezers, and gauze." Spectre turns away from the bed upon hearing the command. You watch him walk out the corner of your eye, thinking over Yunho's words.</p><p> </p><p>"Anesthesia?" You repeat. "I thought you said you didn't want to use anesthesia on me."</p><p> </p><p>"I didn't want to. But that was before I ran the scans and saw the extent of the damage to your muscle. I'm not getting this bullet out without trouble, so numbing it is pretty much the only comfort I can give you." </p><p> </p><p>"Wait San – the belt. I need it." San passes said object to Yunho by tossing it across the bed. Yunho folds it in half. "Here, you're going to want to bite down on this." He holds it out to you, and you take it between your teeth, glancing up at Yunho as you do. He then reaches around you to pick up the bottle of vodka from his table. "Please – well, please try not to jerk your arm while I do this."</p><p> </p><p>Yunho grips your arm at the elbow, a small effort to keep you steady as he tips the bottle towards your wound. You clench your teeth around the leather belt before the alcohol even touches your skin. Anticipating the worst helps quite a bit, in fact, because the second the first drop of alcohol lands on the wound, you're screaming around the belt. If not for the death grip Yunho has on your elbow, you would be thrashing. It's the worst pain you've ever experienced. Far worse than being shot, far worse than burns or frostbite, hell even getting shot by a laser hurts less than the pain you're in at the moment. Yunho keeps the steady stream of alcohol going, flushing the wound out. The mix of blood, infection, and alcohol is causing a grotesque foaming mixture that drips from your arm to Yunho's hand and onto the bed.</p><p> </p><p>"Hang in there, I'm almost done," Yunho mutters, voice barely audible behind your muffled screams. He continues pouring alcohol over the wound until it runs clear but the pain doesn't let up even after he stops. "See, that wasn't too bad!"</p><p> </p><p>His cheery tone and optimism only make you want to punch him in the nose. Luckily for him, your punching arm is out of order at the moment and you're in so much pain that you can barely feel the limb. All you can do is spit the belt out. Yunho catches it before it hits your lap. He inspects the leather, a small laugh escaping his lips as he sees the indentations of your teeth along the belt. You all but bit through the leather on both sides.</p><p> </p><p>"I hope you didn't like this belt too much, San," he calls to the man who stands on the other side of your bed. He's gathered the materials that Yunho asked for, all piled up with the other stack that Yunho already had.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I didn't. Captain did though."</p><p> </p><p>"You took this from Hongjoong?" Yunho asks, voice rising as he gapes at the other man. He grins like a Cheshire in response. "On god San, you're fucked if he finds out."</p><p> </p><p>"That's why he won't find out. Can't miss something you forgot you had."</p><p> </p><p>"That's not the way h—"</p><p> </p><p>"Anyways." San passes the shot of anesthesia over to Yunho, interrupting his train of thought.</p><p> </p><p>"Yea, yea. We need to work fast to get the anesthesia in so there's enough time for it to kick in and wear off before the 47 hours are up." Yunho takes the shot in one hand, his other hand squeezing around your elbow. He pokes at the skin a few times then presses so hard that you release a loud noise from the sudden pain. The needle enters your arm so quickly that you barely feel the pressure. Warmth is the only thing you feel for a moment, a cozy yet uncomfortable sensation that spreads down to your fingertips and all the way up your arm. "Okay, we'll need to give you a bit of time now. The anesthesia will take a bit to kick in, so in the meantime, I need to run an IV drip for dehydration. Just for putting some fluids back into your body that you've lost through all the sweating and vomiting. Not to mention you probably haven't had a lot of water in the past few days. I'll also do a drip later for narcotic painkillers once the anesthesia begins to wear off. Okay? All standard protocol for an operation like this, I promise."</p><p> </p><p>"Let's just get it over with," you murmur back. He frowns at you, a small "okay" leaving his lips before he continues his work on you. </p><p> </p><p>The combination of your fever and the pain is bringing a piercing headache. You don't notice that Yunho moves around the bed until his hand reaches for your left arm. You yank it away as though burned. His eyes go wide at the forcefulness behind your action. A moment later though, he tries again, fingers closing around your wrist. You try to tug away but his grip is a bit too powerful this time and you fail to release your arm from his grasp.</p><p> </p><p>"I need your uninjured arm for the IV. There's too much damage on your right arm to get these fluids into your bloodstream."</p><p> </p><p>"Use my right arm or no arm at all," you hiss back. Your fingers clench into a tight fist, knuckles going white from the pressure.</p><p> </p><p>"I already saw it," Yunho whispers. There is no point in whispering, as the room is silent aside from his voice, so San can hear the words as well. Still, you freeze. The tension leaves your arm and you let it fall limp in Yunho's grasp. "I'm sorry. I saw it when we were getting the uniform jacket off."</p><p> </p><p>"Whatever," you say, looking away from the man. The plain, white wall before you is suddenly much more interesting. Despite the length of time that has passed since you received the brand, the memory always remains fresh. The sensation of searing hot metal being pressed against the inside of your wrist, the pain that resonated through your whole body, and the feeling of five pairs of eyes glued to you as you received the brand. It's all too real and present in your mind. Just the thought of someone seeing the brand is enough to send you headfirst into those memories.</p><p> </p><p>"How… how did you get it?" The healer inquires. His voice is quiet again, no doubt hesitant and uncertain about asking the question. You barely feel the next needle that enters your arm.</p><p> </p><p>"That's none of your business," you respond without looking his way.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry for intruding. I'm just – just trying to make conversation to distract you from the pain."</p><p> </p><p>"Well, talk about something else. Not my past."</p><p> </p><p>"Understood." You catch sight of Yunho's small smirk out the corner of your eye. Despite your confusion, you decide against asking him about it and wait for him to contain what he's doing instead. He places small round patches on various points around your chest, deft fingers dipping under the fabric and back out without you even feeling it. "These are just for keeping an eye on your heart rate. It's good I checked too because your heart rate is awfully slow. Could be due to the infection or your body is trying to conserve. Normally I only see it this low if the patient is asleep though."</p><p> </p><p>"Need anything else?" San asks. He steps forward, hands coming to rest on the foot of the bed.</p><p> </p><p>"Not right now. I think we're – wait. Wait." The level of panic in Yunho's voice does not comfort you one bit. Especially when Spectre's face shares the same level of concern. "Something isn't right." Yunho swipes furiously at his tablet, fingers moving so quickly over the screen that you can't tell what he's trying to do. "She was shot in the arm… outer arm with no exit wound, the bullet still present in the brachialis muscle right against the humerus. Why does she have pneumothorax too?"</p><p> </p><p>"English please?" San asks.</p><p> </p><p>"Punctured lung. It's a punctured lung that could collapse at any minute. Yours looks to be a pinhole, meaning it's small and acute. You should recover just fine without any treatment if you were a healthy adult but there's a serious infection running through your blood and that means it could cause complications if not treated. More importantly, I can't do an emergency operation like this if your lungs aren't fully functional. I'd need to put you on an oxygen mask just on the off chance that your lung collapses during the surgery but a one percent chance is still a chance."</p><p> </p><p>"What caused it? I haven't noticed anything." You try to sit up a bit to look at Yunho's tablet but he pulls it away before you have the chance.</p><p> </p><p>"It depends on all sorts of factors. Do you know how long you've had a lung problem?"</p><p> </p><p>"I didn't even know I had a lung problem," you retort.</p><p> </p><p>"She's been on the ship four days, Yunho."</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, okay. We can worry about that in a bit. I need to get the IV drip in now." You glance forward as Yunho approaches your arm with another long needle. San is blocking your line of sight. He doesn't look back at you; instead, his eyes are fixated on your arm, rather your wrist where the chain brand resides. Subconsciously, you turn your wrist away only to have Yunho resituate it again as he inserts the long needle.</p><p> </p><p>"You're looking pretty pale again," San comments. You take a deep breath but find yourself unable to respond. All the white in the room begins to blur together. All the strength left in your body is ebbing away. "Yunho, she's looking pretty fucking pale!" The man's voice climbs in volume as his form blurs into nothingness. Yunho keeps working on your IV, securing the catheter and tubes with a piece of tape.</p><p> </p><p>"Shit, hey. Hey. Hey, stay awake." Yunho reaches over, patting your face with his palm. You push him away with a weak shove as a wave of coughs overwhelms you.</p><p> </p><p>"Is this normal? What do you need? What's wrong with her? What do we do?" San rambles. Yunho rubs at the skin between his brows as San speaks.</p><p> </p><p>"Shut the fuck up, San. If Woo were here, he would know what to fucking do since he helps me ninety percent of the time." San leans forward, smacks Yunho's hands away from his face, and grabs hold of his collar.</p><p> </p><p>"If you don't want my help, then you're on your own," San hisses as he yanks Yunho forward. A weak laugh escapes your lips.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you all fight this often or am I just special?"</p><p> </p><p>Yunho sighs at your half-hearted jab and pushes San off him. He reaches for his ear, beginning to speak again but this time it's not directed at San.</p><p> </p><p>"Wooyoung to the med bay for emergency operation assistance." The moment his hand leaves his ear, San is back in his face.</p><p> </p><p>"Call it off!" He yells. Yunho deflects San's anger with a surprising sense of calm.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm not letting a girl die simply because you don't want him to be seen. The fact of the matter is you don't know what the hell you're doing so you're of no use to me."</p><p> </p><p>"Your damn savior complex is going to be the end of everyone on this ship."</p><p> </p><p>"Then we were doomed the minute I set foot on the ship. Wooyoung is the only one who knows how to help me conduct emergency operations and laser surgeries. You need to fuck off and let me do my damn job. It's my job to save people, no matter the cost. Yours is only to kill them. So, why don't you listen closely and hear the wheeze in her breaths? The sweat on her forehead? The residue from her arm? If I don't get to work quickly, then you'll have a body to haul out. Do you want to be responsible for her death?"</p><p> </p><p>At those words, San stands down. He leans back and stands up straight ahead, the fury dropping from his features as he moves. He turns away from the bed but something in you causes you to lunge forward with a sudden bout of strength and catch his wrist. He glances down at you with widened eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you… for – for saving my life." San's gaze softens. A smile almost crosses his lips but he stops it before it can show too much.</p><p> </p><p>"I did nothing except prolong the inevitable," comes his response. The words are spoken in a cold and emotionless tone, much different from the tone he used with you previously, but you no longer have the strength to even think straight. Your hand falls away from San's wrist as you fall back against the bed. Yunho lets San leave the med bay without exchanging further words with him.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, the healer finishes connecting all the IV tubes and fluid bags.</p><p> </p><p>"You're probably going to pass out," he mutters, bending over you and resting his palm against your forehead. "We'll try our best to work quickly and keep you under during the operation, okay?" You can only nod against the pressure of his hand. He eases you further into the bed and makes sure you're flat against the mattress. The action is like the magic touch for you to fall unconscious. Before your vision goes completely black, you see a new form enter the med bay, one with tanned skin and hair that looks like coal and ash. You don't have the chance to look over the rest of his form before the darkness overtakes you.</p><p>✦          ✦          ✦</p><p>Waking up again takes far too much effort. Your whole body feels as though it's made of pure lead, and you can't even open your eyes easily. You can't recall what happened before you fell asleep or where you are; the confusion only grows further when you're finally able to crack your eyes open.</p><p> </p><p>White. The color is all you see for a few moments before your vision clears up some. The brightness of your surroundings blinds you. You shift and push your head to the left. Wires and tubes are all around you, two lead to your arm and another to your face. You try to feel around but you aren't able to; the strength hasn't completely returned to your body. All you can do is move your head from side to side for the time being. You check your other arm. There's a large white bandage wrapped around your bicep and you can't recall what's underneath it.</p><p> </p><p>The clink of metal distracts you. It resounds from somewhere in front of you, and as you twist to look in that direction. A man with tan skin stands near a sink. You peer at him. Something about his figure seems familiar but you can't place it. Seeing him brings reality back to you, however, and you recall how you got here, a Cheshire cat finding you in a crate, the gentle giant healer who helped you.</p><p> </p><p>"Wh-Where am – where am I?" You stammer out, voice cracking and hoarse as you try to talk. The man jumps at the sound of your voice. He drops what he's doing and turns towards you, eyes wide and curious as he looks over at you. Now that you're more awake, you can see more clearly and get a better look at the person with you. Besides the caramel tan, he bears dark hair that's almost black but not quite. The color is more between silver and grey but the color of his hair is the least interesting thing about him. There is a metal collar around his neck, a thick block that stands out against his skin, and you peer at it in curiosity. A collar? I don't… You don't have time to look at him, however, because he's rushing towards you a second later.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, you're awake!" He chirps as he comes closer to your bedside. "You're aboard The Horizon, ship belonging to Captain Kim Hongjoong. I'm not sure whether you remember it, but you were awake for a little while before the surgery." At his words, vague memories of a healer and a man with a strip of white hair float to the forefront of your mind. "You had a pretty awful fever though so it might be a bit hard to remember. Yunho – the healer, if you remember him – patched up the pinhole in your lung and kept it from collapsing with quick laser surgery. We also removed the bullet in your arm and drained the infection. He patched it up with stitches as best he could. He said that it was hard to close without some skin grafting, but he didn't want to do that so he just closed it without the extra graft."</p><p> </p><p>"How – hold on, how long have I been here?" You ask. The sudden barrage of information catches you off-guard. You're still waking up, brain not coming back to full functionality, yet this man doesn't seem to care about that one bit. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh! Hm, I think you've been on the ship for maybe a total of seven days? If you include the first four stowaway days, that is. Otherwise, you've been asleep for three days."</p><p> </p><p>"72 hours," you mutter to yourself. You remember something about the captain telling Yunho that he only had a certain amount of time to fix you.</p><p> </p><p>"Sorry? I didn't quite catch that."</p><p> </p><p>"72 hours… but the captain gave Yunho 48 hours to fix me."</p><p> </p><p>"47 actually!" The man corrects with a bright and blinding smile, his teeth shining under the yellow light above your heads. "Captain only gave 47 hours to fix you, but it only took Yunho 17 so."</p><p> </p><p>"Wh—What do you mean?"</p><p> </p><p>"We were up for 17 hours trying to fix you up. Captain was impressed at Yunho's speed so he said that you could have extra recovery time. Oh, if you pretend to still be resting, you could get longer recovery time!"</p><p> </p><p>"Why is everything in this room so damn white?" You mutter as you push yourself into a sitting position. The man shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>"No, no, no! You shouldn't get up!"</p><p> </p><p>"Why not?" You protest, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed. "I'm fine, I feel fine, and nothing is going to rupture. Laser surgery doesn't leave tears or stitches either so it doesn't matter."</p><p> </p><p>"No!" The man argues, voice climbing in volume. You blink up at him, eyes wide from the sudden outburst. "Yunho told me not to let you leave, and I won't go against what Yunho wants. If he says you stay here, then you stay here."</p><p> </p><p>"This is ridiculous. Now I'm being kept here against my will? Am I a captive now?" You scoff as you continue to get to your feet. The man moves with surprising haste. He leans across the space in front of you, snatches up something from the table, then grabs your head. You try to fight back but he has already caught you and overwhelmed you. Something sharp pierces your neck. You cry out at the pressure but waves of warmth wash over you next. You stumble backward when he releases his hold on you. The backs of your knees hit the edge of the bed and you fall back onto the mattress as your strength leaves your body again. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry but I had to do it. I won't go against what Yunho says." His voice sounds somewhat remorseful. You're losing consciousness so fast that the world spins around you and as you glance over at his hand, you spot a large shot. You'd recognize that almost anywhere. The military use them religiously, a typical weapon that you would brandish when dealing with insurgent civilians. High grade emergency sedative shots.</p><p> </p><p>"Y-You…" You can't finish the sentence before the exhaustion overwhelms you and you pass out yet again.</p><p>✧  ✧  ✧ </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hello hello it’s that time~ new chapter! i hope you all enjoy it! please let me know what you think so far and what your fav part has been or anything about the story!! i know things are moving rather slowly at the moment bUT i promise it’ll pick up in the coming chapters, we just gotta get through this ish first !!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Act One - Part Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The air around you is stiff and unmoving, cold as ice yet you don't feel goosebumps rising across your skin. A dark night sky looms above you with its scattering of bright stars. Near the center of the indigo sea lies a brilliant red moon; bright in it's blinding color. Something about the scene is familiar, the clearness of the sky reminds you of something from your past. No clouds, no breeze, no sounds of nightlife.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's a sense of complete and utter peace. Something damp seeps through your clothing, touching your skin and leaving you cold. You sit up and press your palms to the ground below you. Instead of meeting solid ground, however, you're met by water. It splashes against your bare legs, and you withdraw your hands from the surface in an instant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Water?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You bring your chin up, glancing across your surroundings. It's a lake, a shallow one yes, considering that your legs aren't fully submerged and you seem to be placed in the middle of it. A chill runs down your spine. You know exactly where you are. The water beneath you runs black, and the enormous moon hanging in the sky is only present on one planet. It's only then, when you discern where you are, that you realize you're in a dream and not reality. You push yourself to your feet, nearly slipping on the slick mud beneath the layer of black water. With a quick glance down at your body, you see that a thin white garb clings to your skin. It's something you would never wear willingly, and seeing as there's an old man perched at the opposite side of the lake, you know that he must be in control of this realm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You wade through the water in the direction of the man. As you get closer, his features become more clear under the vibrant red moonlight. A familiar face to go along with the familiar scenery. He prods at the pebbles along the shore of the lake with a crooked stick, paying you no attention even as you splash water across the rocks with your steps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's been a while since I've seen you, old man," you greet, soft tone carrying through the air with ease in the absence of a breeze. The rugged form before you doesn't move. He continues to prod at the stones near your feet and pushes black water against your ankles. You wait a moment in the hopes that he'll look up at you and respond, but he still acts as though you don't exist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Daichi," you try again in attempts to garner his attention. It works this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His chin snaps up, a wrinkled face becoming clear before you, and blue eyes stare into yours. Piercing and cold, just as you remember from your last encounter with the aged man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ah, Umiko." His wrinkled lips stretch into a smile, unveiling yellowed teeth that are only accentuated by the moonlight above your heads.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's not my name," you refute. Daichi continues speaking as though you didn’t say a word, eyes falling together as he smiles without cease.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been quite a whi–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said that’s not my name,” you repeat with a bit more venom creeping into your tone. “It hasn’t been for a very long time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” He hums, looking up at you with those perceptive eyes. You can almost see your reflection in them, between the clear blueness and the gleam of the moonlight coming down on them. “Do you remember what it means?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Child of the sea,” you answer without hesitation, the words ingrained in your brain after hearing the phrase repeated over and over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Child of the sea. I wonder if your new name is as fitting for you? Y/N, is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s far more fitting than Umiko ever was,” you mutter in response, turning your head away from the old man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you done well, child?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As well as I could, and things are as good as they can be given the… situation,” you respond with a flatness to your tone that Daichi mimics with his next words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not safe where you are now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here I thought you didn’t give two shits about my well being.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Umiko, listen to me. This is ser–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop calling me that and maybe I’ll listen!” Your voice booms throughout the clearing. The black water under your feet seems to quiver as you speak. Daichi’s eyes flit down to the ripples across the lake, then back up to you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Someone near you is a dangerous threat, one that you’ve never encountered before. You must be careful. Guard yourself wisely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Worry about yourself, old man,” you reply, tone falling back quiet once again. “Besides, it’s pointless for the dead to worry about the living.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re always so sure of yourself, aren’t you? So confident that everything will work out your way? Tell me, Umiko, did things work out your way on Eros the first time you were there? The second? The </span>
  <em>third</em>
  <span>?” Daichi pushes himself to his feet. He towers over you as his back straightens, the age seems to ebb away from his body as he moves closer to you. You tilt your head back to get a better look at the man. In his eyes lies disdain. It’s not the first time you’ve seen the emotion from the man. “I said </span>
  <em>tell me</em>
  <span>, Umiko?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I said to stop calling me that.” You take a shaky step back, foot nearly catching on the slide of the mud again, but you manage to steady yourself before falling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A Siren is nearby, Y/N. You must be careful. He could invade your dream space at any minute. Don’t you realize that? This haven, this paradise, this </span>
  <em>dream</em>
  <span> so close to your heart is vulnerable. Guard yourself against him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need your advice anymore, old man. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m an adult now and old enough to make my own decisions and give myself advice.” You spin on your heel, toes digging into the mud as you move, and face the opposite direction. Blinking down at the swirling waters under you, you take a deep breath before sharing your final words with Daichi. “There are no Sirens left. All they are is a myth, one that needs to die like every other myth in existence.” Your reflection in the water looks back at you, ripples across its face before you kick it away in anger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your words earn you no response from the old man behind you, although you weren’t expecting much in the first place. The dream is beginning to fade, darkness swirling into one large mass, but before the serenity around you can disappear entirely, you catch sight of something new. Amongst everything that is familiar and known, this is completely foreign. A new figure, shorter than Daichi for certain, but also bearing dark hair. He stands off at the other side of the lake, near the shore like Daichi had been, but his back is facing you. He bears garbs like yours, white and flowing despite the lack of a breeze. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In all the dreams you’ve had similar to this one, no one other than Daichi has paid you any visits. You know it’s too late for you to investigate now, the dream is dissipating too quickly, but that doesn’t keep you from breaking into a sprint in his direction. Feet splash against the water, bringing it up against your legs. Your running serves no purpose in the long run; before you even near the figure in the distance, your dream fades away and bleeds into white. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You jolt as though shocked, body lurches forward, and you find yourself surrounded by white all the sudden.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holy </span>
  <em>fuck</em>
  <span>!” The words, surprisingly, don’t fall from your lips. Instead, it’s the kind and gentle doctor from before, standing at your side as you come to again. “You scared the hell out of me!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t manage to respond, chest heaving as though you’ve just sprinted a mile in your sleep, and all you can do is lay back on the bed slowly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” Yunho inquires, one hand coming to rest on your shoulder as you fall back against the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yea, yea. I think I was just having a nightmare.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m glad you’re finally awake now. I was worried I had accidentally put you in a coma or something like that. Your heart rate seems to be awfully low still – well it was before you woke up at least – but it’s not causing any issues. How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel fine, yea. No issues here.” You glance around the room with wide eyes. Things are still a bit hazy seeing as you just woke up, but it’s all clearing up rather quickly. “How long was I out this time?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Yunho turns away from you, fiddling a bit with the tablet in his hands. “What do you mean by “this time”? This is the first time you’ve woken up since I conducted the operation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No? That’s not right,” you refute. “I woke up some time ago and tried getting up but… something happened. I think someone stopped me? Someone with dark hair? He used a sedative shot on me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well over half the crew has dark hair, so you might need to be a bit more specific on that one.” Yunho chuckles at his own comment. When he notices that you aren’t even smiling, he clears his throat and redirects the conversation. “Your vitals were all stable throughout the day. I never noticed anything out of the ordinary, and neither did my assistant. It must have been a dream due to your fever since it didn’t completely break until yesterday.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yesterday being?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yesterday was day 3 of you being unconscious and day 7 aboard the ship.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah… so why – why did the captain withdraw his time limit?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, he was never serious about that!” Yunho laughs again, then sets his tablet down. “I finished operating on you in 17 hours so I guess he was a bit impressed, but he was never going to actually stop me from helping you. He always says things like that but is never serious. Just wary of strangers on his ship, you know?” Yunho glances over at you as he speaks, and you nod in return. He moves closer to the bed, long fingers dancing over your forearm and toying with the catheter sticking out of your skin. “Your vitals are all stable and steady, so that means you’re pretty much good to go. I just need to make sure you’re all functional and such. Routine checks, yea? Same routine I use for every crew member.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by crew member?” You ask with a slight tilt to your chin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm? I didn’t say that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I – no, I’m pretty sure you di–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you to your feet.” Yunho disconnects the IV from your catheter, tugging it out gently, then holds you by the forearms as he pulls you up from the bed. “I need you to walk to the end of the room and back, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why exactly?” Your legs feel a bit like jelly when you get up, but staying in the same bed for three days straight probably doesn’t help one bit. “It was my arm that was shot not my leg.” Yunho laughs as though you just made the best joke in the universe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t matter. This isn’t about seeing if your arm works. I’m quite confident in my abilities as a healer, thank you very much. This is just to test your strength and see if your body matches your mind, not a test of the recovery of your injury. That will come later with Hongjoong and the Lieutenant.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You relent with a sigh, twisting your arm so that you can grip Yunho's elbow in case you begin to fall, and move forward with hesitant steps. Yunho stays close to you as you walk, thanks in part to the death grip you have on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How are you feeling so far?" He asks after you've taken a few steps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Just fine." The steps are coming easy so far but that relief doesn't last long. By the time you reach the midpoint of the room, the muscles in your legs are beginning to feel weak and shaky. Yunho moves with you as you stumble on your next step, his free hand darting out to latch onto your arm and support you further.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A ding and whoosh resound behind you two, and Yunho snaps his head towards the door. You follow suit a moment later. It’s San – the little Cheshire with the streak of white hair – who stands in the doorway, eyes narrowed and piercing as he scans the room before his gaze lands on you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Captain wants to see you, Healer,” he announces while keeping his gaze fixated on you. “If Y/N is up, that’s even better because he wanted to speak about her.” San nods in your direction but his words are unmistakably meant for Yunho.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Couldn’t Captain come to the med bay instead? Y/N still isn’t strong enough to walk around much since she’s been bedridden for so long. Besides she only just woke up today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen, I was just sent to fetch you and check up on her,” San says. He lifts his arms as though to defend himself, finally dragging his gaze off you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not </span>
  <em>your</em>
  <span> job to check up on patients, San,” Yunho argues as he releases your arm and takes a step in the other man’s direction. “Here’s your checkup though: she’s not well enough to walk all the way to the bridge of Captain’s quarters.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>San’s expression remains stony as he blinks back at Yunho without moving. The silence is deafening until San decides to respond, matching the vehemence in Yunho’s tone. “I’ll inform Captain then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho huffs when San spins around with an added flair of drama. Once the door slides shut again, you opt to speak up on the ordeal that just transpired.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are things always so tense between the two of you? This isn’t the first time I’ve witnessed you argue and I’ve only been awake for a grand total of 3 hours at best in your presence.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just… a difference of personalities.” Yunho drags his tongue over his teeth, turning back to you. He rests a hand on your back and guides you back to the bed. “I save people. San kills people. That’s how things work. Our jobs. It’s what we’re supposed to do, what we’re here for, why Hongjoong recruited us in the first place. We’re polar opposites.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“San and I aren’t much different then,” you say, tone quiet and eyes watching Yunho’s face for any change in expression. He shakes his head a few times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quite different actually. San has killed people I could’ve saved in the past. Taken my patients from me and killed them without reason. You haven’t done that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it the other way around as well?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A laugh breaks through the tension of the room, and Yunho throws his head back. “Yes. If I’m going to save someone, then I will do just that. I’ve stopped San in the past.” He eases you onto the bed, moving to pick up the IV. You blink at him, only now noticing that there’s a certain brightness to him that wasn’t present when you first met him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait…” His hands hesitate near your catheter, eyes darting up to meet yours. “Has – has your hair always been blue? I thought – I could’ve sworn it was different when – was it just my fever?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho laughs again and continues his motions. “At least your senses are still intact even if your muscles aren’t. It was different a few days ago, yes. I just changed it because another crew member asked me to dye his hair, so I went ahead and joined in on the fun with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow, a healer and a hairstylist? Hongjoong got quite the catch, didn’t he? What can’t you do?” You joke as Yunho reattaches the wires.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not much, honestly!” Yunho responds with equal humor to his tone. “I’m good at everything really.” He sends a wink your way, and you nearly choke on your saliva. </span>
  <em>He has no shame. None whatsoever.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pardon?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You heard me. Don’t act shy on me now.” Yunho pulls back, a smirk playing at his lips and you don’t know how to react other than to swing your foot out. You hit him in the shin, his body bends in half, a choked laugh escaping from his parted lips. “Damn, okay then. Noted. Y/N and dirty jokes don’t play well. Could you try stretching your arms a bit? I wanna see how the right one is doing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You do as asked, moving and stretching your arms out to the side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If the stitches bother you or start coming apart at all, let me know. I can go in with laser stitching now that it’s been a few days. I wasn’t able to close it all the way initially so I couldn’t do laser stitching.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It feels normal,” you admit as you rotate your arm. “A bit sore, if nothing else.” Frankly, if not for the bandage around your bicep, you wouldn’t even know that there’s a hole in your arm; it just feels like you had an awkward fall on it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, good. I put you back on the IV just to maintain fluid levels. We can probably try to get you some real food and water today after Captain visits.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’d be nice,” you murmur more to yourself than to Yunho. The minimal snacking you did over the first few days aboard the ship was nice and all, but a proper meal sounds much more desirable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is your side feeling alright as well? I almost forgot to ask.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Oh, uh, I forgot all about that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a good sign! Not forgetting, but it must mean that you aren’t in any pain. I figured out what happened with that by the way. The pneumothorax was caused by a severe force to your left side. You likely got it after you were shot or while adrenaline was still pumping through you since you didn’t seem to be showing any signs of pain there. Do you remember getting hit in the side or anything like that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You stare down at the bed, rummaging through your brain for any memory of a close-quartered fight. The only thing you remember is getting in a small scuffle with the dark-haired man guarding the docking station.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He kicked me after I pinned him down, didn’t he? Must have. How else would I have gotten the injury?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yea vaguely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, the details aren’t important. I fixed it all up regardless.” Yunho hums and moves around the bed to sit atop a small stool. He peers at you in silence for a moment. You stare back, matching his silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well this is awkward,” Yunho announces after basking in the quiet for a few minutes. “Maybe I should go back to the dirty jokes and innuendos.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no!” You protest in an instant. “Please don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ha! Here I thought they were gonna grow on you. What else is there to talk about? Captain is taking his sweet time walking over here.” Yunho taps his chin, eyes leaving yours to stare up at the ceiling instead. “Oh, where are you from? I’ve… well, there’s no nice way to put this really, so I’ll just spit it out. I’ve seen you on bounty papers before. Frankly, I know next to nothing about you aside from the information on the bounties. Which is limited to a list of your crimes and missing data.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s because I normally make a point to keep it that way. The less people know about me, the less likely it is for them to find me. Makes sense, yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Makes sense but… it sounds like a lonely life. Always living in fear of who might see you or find you. Never telling anyone anything about yourself. Not being able to trust anyone because you worry that they might sell you out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go out and get a bounty the size of mine on your head. Talk to me about trust after that.” Your words come out with a bit more scathing fervor than you intended, but the point still stands. The difference between you and Yunho is the bounty. Yours is what? Three? Four? </span>
  <em>Five</em>
  <span> times the size of his? Not to mention you are wanted </span>
  <em>dead</em>
  <span> whereas Yunho is wanted </span>
  <em>alive</em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t meant as an attack, Y/N. Honestly, it wasn’t. I feel for you, that’s all. I wouldn’t wish that kind of loneliness on anyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pause, eyes trailing over Yunho’s form as he brings his gaze back to you. Sadness lingers in his gaze, a sadness you wish not to confront, and thus you divert the subject again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What have you seen on the bounty papers?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This and that. They’re all the same, aren’t they?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I make a point of avoiding my own bounty papers.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ha, that’s a fair goal.” Yunho chuckles and leans back, gaze moving for the ceiling again. “I’m from Kebos, if you’ve ever been there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I have,” you answer with a slight smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, of course. You’ve probably been to every planet in Aurum’s system.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have, yes, but not to every city on each planet. I’m still too young for that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, I was about to be even more impressed but I guess I’ll have to rescind that now. I’m from the biggest city on Kebos, Reinig. Have you been?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only shortly,” you sigh as you push your head back against the pillow. “On military business.” None of your memories from the military are pleasant ones, memories you don’t want to revisit, and thankfully Yunho must get the hint that you don’t want to talk about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Growing up there, I used to think it was the ugliest city but in the winter they put up all these lights. At night the lights make the snow change colors and look absolutely magical.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I went in the winter but there wasn’t much time to glance around at the scenery.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair, yeah. I think it loses its appeal as you grow older, but I wouldn’t know that for certain. I haven’t been back to see then in well over ten years I think. My mother… she used to take me to the winter festivals when I was little.” There is a tinge of sadness to Yunho’s tone at the mention of his mother. You know that feeling all too well, having been in Yunho’s shoes before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho’s ego seems to deflate before your very eyes as he frowns at the ceiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah but you didn’t come to hear my tragic backstory.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You open your mouth to respond and reassure the man in some way (even though you don’t know what to say in these sorts of situations), but the chance is stolen from you as another whoosh resounds. Yunho pushes his seat back at the sound and stands up immediately. You move as well, although only with your head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There in the doorway stands the captain, his platinum hair parted down the middle and fanned over his forehead. He’s not alone either, a much taller man bearing black hair and paled skin at his side. You know that one, and based upon the glare of his eyes as he stares you down, he remembers what you did to him at the docking station. </span>
  <em>Seonghwa, was it?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pass a cynical grin his way. “How’s the head, pretty boy?” You ask, drawing a lilt to your tone that’s meant to be snide. The man merely passes a genuine smile back at you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Feeling great, princess.” His smile grows as he steps into the room, the shorter captain following suit albeit absent of the pretty smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lieutenant. Nice of you to join us,” Yunho greets as he steps around the foot of the bed. You instinctively pull yourself up and sit up straighter. “Captain. You as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just get to business, Yunho.” Hongjoong steps out from behind the lieutenant’s back, dark eyes boring into you. “I want to get this over with.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Act One - Part Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Lieutenant. Nice of you to join us,” Yunho greets as he steps around the foot of the bed. You instinctively pull yourself up and sit up straighter. “Captain. You as well.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Let’s just get to business, Yunho.” Hongjoong steps out from behind the lieutenant’s back, dark eyes boring into you. “I want to get this over with.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Of course, Captain,” Yunho stammers. He moves around the bed to stand across from Hongjoong. “She has been making a quick recovery over the past couple of days. I expect a full recovery by the end of the week if not sooner. Vitals are all steady and manageable despite a lowered heart rate; however, she says that she’s not feeling any adverse effects from it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm…” Hongjoong hums and glances past Yunho to look you in the eye. “I don’t think you’ve had the pleasure of formally meeting me. Captain Kim Hongjoong of The Horizon. This is my lieutenant, Park Seonghwa. Of course, you may know us by other names seeing as you are military – or former military, was it?” Hongjoong pauses, the silence giving you an opportunity to respond, but you opt not to and instead stare back at the captain with blank eyes. “Scourge of the Black Sea and the Lieutenant of Death. And </span>
  <em>you</em>
  <span>, Miss L/N – the Ghost of Eros. Such a distinguished group of criminals all gathered in one place. I should’ve known you were much more than a petty soldier considering that you’ve got a mean right hook. You knocked Seonghwa on his ass so handily I thought he was going to die of shame.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is a lilt of humor to Hongjoong’s tone and only a sliver of vehemence and anger. The man’s presence alone is intimidation at its finest yet the mellifluous voice harbors none of that same intimidation. It’s a strange game he’s playing – dancing between cruelty and a carefree attitude – and you can’t figure out what his true intentions are.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t seem upset by the fact that I put your lieutenant on his ass,” you say, voice coming out surprisingly steady and even compared to how you’re feeling at the moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me? Upset? Of course not. It’s not my job as a captain to be upset for my crew. If he’s upset about it then that’s his problem. It only becomes mine when he fails to separate those feelings from doing his job properly. So, Lieutenant, are you upset?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not in the slightest,” Seonghwa answers, eyelids falling shut as he grins at you again. “More embarrassed than anything, getting my ass handed to me by a person who was injured.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not because I’m a girl?” You inquire and dip your chin down a little bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not even close. It’s not about your gender – never was frankly – solely because you were injured in your obviously dominant arm.” Seonghwa folds his arms over his chest, seeming to puff it out a little as he matches your stare with an equally firey one of his own. Despite admitting weakness, he exudes confidence and power. It hits you at that moment. The strange aura surrounding each member of Hongjoong’s crew, and including the captain himself, makes sense as the puzzle pieces slip together in your mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>These are criminals of the highest degree, men with extensive records and crimes that would take days to write down, and for some reason, that fact did not sink in sooner. Yes, you’ve had many an encounter with criminals. This should be nothing new for you but these men are far different than the petty criminals you had to deal with when part of the military. Even though you are considered to be one of them, a criminal on the same level as them, someone just as evil and cruel and merciless, you don't feel that way. A surge of fear courses through your body. Any one of these men could end your life in an instant with zero remorse or care. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What d-do you plan to–to do with me?” You direct the question at Hongjoong although it’s a struggle to drag your eyes off of the pretty lieutenant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another hum leaves the captain’s lips, and he looks away from you to stare at the ceiling for a moment. “Part of me wants to drop you out an airlock for attacking my lieutenant, sneaking aboard my ship, and stealing from my cargo hold. However, that is not what I’m going to do. I am merciless, yes, but I could drag your pain so much longer if I really wanted to. So give me a reason not to do that first.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Captain…” Seonghwa cuts in, reaching around Hongjoong to block his line of sight. “That isn’t the best idea. There is no point in torturing her if she can be useful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so knocking you out counts as being useful nowadays?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Logic, Hongjoong. Think logically rather than emotionally. There are benefits to keeping her alive and well, especially considering who she is. Ghost of Eros isn’t a name thrown around lightly these days.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yet there are also detriments to keeping her here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it’s space you’re worried about, we have more than enough of it. Plenty of empty rooms. She can stay in the med bay until she fully recovers then move into one of the empty rooms, no?” Seonghwa glances over to Yunho, who nods along with the words with fervor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely,” he says in a clear tone. “She should be ready to go any day now, and if we move her into one of the empty rooms, I can run post-operation checkups there rather than here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could also run those checkups from the brig. We have plenty of space down there as well,” Hongjoong argues, pushing Seonghwa’s extended arm out of the way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Be smart, Captain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you insinuating, Lieutenant?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That you are thinking with your heart and not your head!” Seonghwa protests, voice climbing in volume. He steps around Hongjoong to face him head-on. “We have the space, and more than enough of it, so there is no point in putting her in the brig.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She is nothing more than a stowaway. That is reason enough, no?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, because you never put Jongho in the brig for being a stowaway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jongho was useful, and he was barely a stowaway when I knew he was aboard the ship from the second we left that planet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know she can’t be useful as well? Hongjoong, at least give her a chance to be useful and carry her own weight until the next stop. You can dump her there if you don’t want her then.” The phrasing of Seonghwa’s words brings a scowl to your lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me,” you intervene, climbing to your feet with shaky legs. “I am not an object or a piece of property that can be “dumped”!” Seonghwa shifts to look back at you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I… That wasn’t what I meant to say,” he tries, the remorse evident in his furrowed brows. You return the apology with a half-hearted glare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In order to be useful aboard my ship, she needs to be able to shoot a gun,” Hongjoong cuts in and effectively redirects all attention back to him. “According to Yunho, that may not be a possibility anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh–What?” You ask. Eyes find Yunho’s, and the second you make eye contact he glances away from you rather than facing you. “What the </span>
  <em>fuck</em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you didn’t even tell her?” Hongjoong laughs. “Nerve damage.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nerve damage?” You echo, a tremor rising through your body. Your legs fail to support you any longer, and you fall back to the bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not bad–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not bad? Not bad compared to </span>
  <em>what</em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It isn’t debilitating.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner? Seeing as oh yea, it’s my fucking arm!” Yunho winces at the scathing rage in your tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t sure about the extent of the damage. Sometimes injuries like yours show nerve recovery over time. I needed to see if that was the case with you. There was – I didn’t want to tell you out of fear of upsetting you without knowing for certain what’s wrong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it makes you feel any better, you can still pull a trigger,” Hongjoong comments.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But not aim a pistol as well as I used to,” you finish his train of thought, and he nods in affirmation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't know if this will help but... we can correct some things through physical therapy and strengthening. Regain the ease you had with aiming,” Yunho offers, a sympathetic smile playing at his lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But… I thought she didn’t need a fully functioning arm?” Seonghwa inquires, eyes finding Hongjoong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To aim a sniper. You don’t need a fully functioning arm,” he elaborates for you. Your eyes fall into a sharp glare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It means I know who you are. Ghost of Eros isn’t your only nickname. It only took one search in a military database to see who you are. Y/N L/N, wanted military traitor formerly of the operations assassinations and peace control units. Highly dangerous sniper. Wanted for theft of military property, desertion, capital betrayal, larceny, arson, evasion of arrest, the list goes on. Oh, and putting a bullet in the head of the King of Eros.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Having someone list off your crimes is not as appealing as it would seem, and your shoulders fall further with each crime listed until Seonghwa mentions the last thing. It has you sitting up straight again, staring him down with such intensity that he actually seems surprised.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a hefty bounty on your head,” he continues in a much lower tone. “But an even heftier asset.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong releases a huff. “I have to agree with him on that, even though I don’t particularly want to. And yet I can’t help but wonder what drives a person to desertion?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You refuse to answer the question. Instead, you press your teeth together, clenching your jaw and opting to remain silent in the face of the notorious captain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Putting a bullet in the head of a king is a pretty good reason. But that still begs the question: why put the bullet there in the first place?” Your chin dips closer to your chest as Hongjoong drives the metaphorical knife deeper into your chest. “I’ve put many a bullet in people’s heads; however, I’ve never had the luxury of doing it to a king. I have to say it’s quite interesting that you would murder someone like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t murder,” you spit out. Your eyes find Hongjoong’s, and you find a taunting gleam in them. Perhaps this is what he wants – to drive you to a breaking point and see you lash out, and if he continues on like this then you won’t be able to resist the urge.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? Were you paid to do it then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You ball your fists around the sheets beneath you rather than responding. Your only answer is the continued glare you send his way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop it.” It’s Yunho’s voice that cuts in and bleeds through the mounting tensions between you and Hongjoong. “Stop, Hongjoong. She obviously doesn't want to talk about it. You don’t need to keep pushing it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stand down, Yunho. Are you the captain?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, but–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. You are not the captain and as such, you cannot tell me what to do. If I am even going to consider making her part of my crew, then I need to know her intentions.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to kill any of you, if that’s what you mean.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How can I be sure of that, Miss L/N? Give me solid proof that you are a gentle and merciful soul. From what I can tell, there is none.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am merely doing the same thing you and your whole crew are: just trying to fucking survive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what about when survival means killing someone? What would keep you from killing someone in my crew to survive?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Forgive me in advance for asking the same question of you. What would keep you from killing me when it comes to survival?” A huff escapes your lips, eyes stabbing daggers into Hongjoong’s form, and you extend the arm with the IV sticking out. “Take the IV out. If he wants me to shoot, then I’ll do just that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both Seonghwa and Yunho whip their heads in your direction, Seonghwa’s eyes nearly bulging from his head. Yunho opens his mouth to retort but you still him by redirecting your glare to him. He moves towards you and slowly untwists the IV, leaving the catheter in place. Before stepping back though, he folds his fingers around your forearm and leans close to your ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa’s holster is on his right leg,” he whispers against the shell of your ear. The tall man leans back before Hongjoong or Seonghwa can comment on his odd behavior, and you barely process their expressions because your gaze moves for the gun lingering on Seonghwa’s right leg. You get to your feet with a fake sense of weakness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a split second, you dart for Seonghwa’s gun and jab the flat of your left hand against the back of his knee. Your right snatches the pistol from his holster with little trouble as Seonghwa is crumpling to the ground. You spin around while he falls, the barrel of the pistol finding a new home between Hongjoong’s eyes. He doesn’t flinch, nor does he move. His expression remains blank and unfocused. Seonghwa recovers, jumping up at exclaiming at the sight before him. Hongjoong lifts a hand and places it against Seonghwa’s chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stand down, Hwa.” Seonghwa listens to his captain albeit with great reluctance, and you try to steady your hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As silence overtakes the room again, the faint sound of the gun rattling against your quivering hand rises. It isn’t that you are afraid of firing the gun; you have shot a man just like this time and time again. You physically cannot get your arm to still. It’s twitching and shaking against your will, and no matter how much you focus, it doesn’t stop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you really fire the gun?” Hongjoong asks with his steely cold tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In an instant,” comes your scathing response. “But that’s not what you want from me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong…” Seonghwa mutters. Out the corner of your eye, you can see his antsy moments, bouncing his weight from one foot to the other and ready to jump you for pointing a gun at his captain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is it I want then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You blink, and Hongjoong is gone from sight. The gun clatters against the ground, pain spreads across your wrist, but it is nothing in comparison to the pain that sears through your whole arm a moment later. Hongjoong appears in your vision, standing beside you with his hand clenched around your bicep, directly over your recovering wound. A sadistic smile creeps across his features. Fingers dig into the bandage and push past the fabric to stab a finger into the hole covered by stitches. A loud cry of pain leaves your body. White blinds your vision, your legs give out under you, and Hongjoong holds you up with his tightening grip on your arm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop!” Yunho cries out, attempting to step between you and Hongjoong. “Fucking stop, Hongjoong! You’re hurting her!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen to me,” Hongjoong hisses. He yanks your arm, finger still pushed in your wound. A weak sob falls from your lips next. “Stupid ideas like that are the last thing I want.” His grip leaves your arm, but the pain doesn’t. It lingers, burns, seeps through your limb so much that you can barely think straight. His foot darts out and kicks Seonghwa’s gun in the man’s direction. “You can stay for the time being. However, the </span>
  <em>second </em>
  <span>I decide that you aren’t worth my trouble anymore, I will dump you either in space or on whatever planet is nearby. It’s your choice. I suggest you choose wisely next time.” Hongjoong stands up straight, face leaving your line of sight, and you watch his back retreat as he strides out the door, dark brown cloak billowing around him as he moves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <em>god</em>
  <span>,” Yunho mutters. He is by your side in an instant, one hand finding purchase on your waist, and the other gently holds your arm. “Oh my fucking god. I can’t believe he did that.” He helps you back onto the bed then sits down beside you to pull the now bloodied bandage away from your skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” The question comes from Seonghwa, but you can’t focus on him due to the pain in your system.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He did a fucking number on my stitches.” Yunho sighs and gets up from the bed. “I’m gonna grab and needle and some thread, I’ll try my best to fix it quick. I will need to sterilize again as well as use some numbing ointment to just help with the pain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It-it's okay,” you murmur, words slurring together. Seonghwa comes closer to the bed. He sits down beside you, careful not to touch you. When you feel the dip of the mattress, you tilt your head in his direction and blink at him in confusion. A smile decorates his lips, one that isn’t cynical or cruel, just one filled with sympathy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about your arm.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Not your fault anyways.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I’m sorry for his actions. He’s too rash and thinks too much with his heart.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so he has one?” You joke. Your senses are slowly returning to you, words becoming more clear with each one spoken, and your vision is growing less fuzzy by the second.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Surprisingly, yes.” Seonghwa chuckles, the sound as pretty as his face. “By the way… I have no hard feelings about the near concussion you gave me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How nice of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Were I in your position, I would’ve done the same. If not worse. Especially seeing as you were wearing a military uniform. I was planning on killing you then and there before I felt the brand on your arm.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That damn brand seems to be a hot topic among you all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have to understand: it’s not every day we meet someone of your fame and caliber.” Seonghwa’s lips curl as he speaks. “Once Yunho redresses your arm, I can take you to your new quarters. They’re all ready for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean? How can they be ready already? Didn’t he just make the decision now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, no. Apparently, he decided a while ago on his own accord. Hongjoong isn’t one for spur of the moment decisions. He takes a lot of time to decide on things, so I know for certain that he thought about whether you would stay or go for a long while. Thus, he most definitely decided prior to today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho returns to the bed, medical supplies in hand along with another bottle of vodka.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, I don’t have the belt this time so you may just want to grin and bear it. I would say bite down on a finger but you might take it clean off.” Delicate fingers find your left wrist, curling around them, and you glance over at Seonghwa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Try to focus on me instead of Yunho. It might help take some of the pain away.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I highly dou–” You’re cut off by your own scream, cold liquid pouring over your skin. Twisting, you press your fingers against Seonghwa’s hand and he grips you with an equally strong hold as Yunho sterilizes your wound.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All done, all done,” Yunho announces. The stream of cold ceases but your arm still throbs even as Yunho dabs white ointment across it. He massages it into your skin with gentle touches. Once it goes clear, he pulls back and retrieves his small needle. “You don’t need to watch this bit if you don’t want to. I know some people are afraid of needles.” Despite Yunho’s warning, you continue to keep your eyes trained on the wound and watch as he pinches your skin together. The numbing gel he put across it worked quickly; you don’t feel a thing except for a strange heavy pressure on your skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fascinating work,” Seonghwa mutters, leaning forward to watch Yunho work as well. The healer laughs in response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s simple stuff actually. Nothing much to it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Simple to you maybe but not anyone else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s my job after all.” Yunho shrugs, hands remaining steady on your arm. “And I’m damn good at it, so it ought to be simple to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes less than a minute for him to remove the old stitches and attach new ones. He works so fast that you think if you had blinked you would’ve missed the whole thing entirely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There, all done! It’s a little irritated from being jabbed at like that, but now that I’ve got the new stitches in, it should be just fine. The numbing ointment will wear off in an hour or so. If it hurts drastically then be sure to come back and tell me. I can get you some medicine if needed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is she all good to go now then?” Seonghwa asks. He unfolds his hand from yours, and you hadn’t even realized that you were still latched onto it all this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep! Almost mint condition. You’re welcome.” Yunho sends a wink your way, cheeks scrunching up as he smiles. “You are free from my care at last. Don’t go messing anything up now, I patched you up perfectly. I don’t want my talent to go to waste, after all. I will check up and see how my stitches are holding up later today though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, have you got your post-patient loneliness already?” Seonghwa asks. Yunho responds with a scoff and swings a loosely clenched fist in his direction, which Seonghwa dodges with ease.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do be careful though. You still aren’t as strong as I had hoped you’d be. Walking too much will most likely make you lightheaded and woozy. Seonghwa, if she collapses, I’m blaming you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye aye, Captain Yunho.” Seonghwa mocks the healer by bringing his hand up to his head and saluting him. “I’ll keep the princess on her feet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh wow. Thanks, pretty boy. I feel oh so safe now.” You push yourself off the bed. Despite the shakiness in your legs, you step forward and trail after Seonghwa as he heads out the med bay. Before you step out of the room completely though, you hesitate in the doorframe. Yunho catches your lingering gaze as though he was expecting it. “Thank you again,” you say. The smile that comes to Yunho’s lips is neither cocky nor patronizing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’m glad you made a good recovery.” He turns back to the bed where you were just seated but thinks twice about it and looks back at you. “Don’t be a stranger either. My door is always open for </span>
  <em>whatever </em>
  <span>you need.” He passes another wink your way, and the cheeky action has you choking on air. His laugh resounds in your ears as you move out of the room, shaky legs carrying you to Seonghwa’s side where he waits for you to catch up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, follow me. If you get to feeling weak, just let me know and we can pause or I can help you along.” He pushes a loose strand of black hair from his forehead, and as the strands move you catch sight of a small emblem cut into his undercut. It disappears before you can fully examine it, however, and you have to move your gaze before Seonghwa notices your lingering stare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait–” you call out, and Seonghwa stops in his tracks. “I… I have a question for you before we go.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hello hello it’s tuesday my dudes ;) another chapter down, and most of the buildup and exposition doNE so things will be picking up in speed from here on out so yAY</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Act One - Part Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em></em><br/>
<span>“Wait–” you call out, and Seonghwa stops in his tracks. “I… I have a question for you before we go.”</span><br/>

</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ask away then, princess.” Seonghwa shrugs, pushing loose strands of black hair out of his eyes. You’re surprised that he can even see past the fringe, but you opt not to linger on that thought for very long in favor of getting on with the conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I still want to know when your dear Scourge made the decision about me. It doesn’t make sense for a man of his reputation to be so merciful, especially considering what he did to the ship I was aboard days ago. So when did he make the decision and why?” You ask the question again, still not convinced by Seonghwa’s previous answer. A half-hearted laugh leaves his lips. He turns away from you and shrouds his expression from view.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why is it important though, princess?” He asks in return. The hard soles of his shoes click against the metal floor as he takes a few steps forward, long legs making the strides easy to put distance between the two of you. You don’t follow after him quite yet. You are determined to stand your ground in front of every single one of these men, whether they are criminals or not. While it might not be the smartest idea on your part, you have certainly done a lot worse in your lifetime.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When you choose not to respond immediately, the tall lieutenant spins around on his heel to look back at you. Dark eyes squint, a glare passes over you, yet you can’t quite decipher the expression resting on his features.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t affect anything really, does it? When he made the decision? Why? So… my question for you is why is Hongjoong’s decision still weighing on you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one hands out favors like that. Especially not someone as notorious as the Scourge of the Black Sea. Of course, I would imagine that the infamous Scourge would put up a better fight.” You cock your head to the side, glaring daggers into Seonghwa’s form. “But he didn’t. So I would like to know why, and seeing as you are his right hand, I think you would know as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by a fight? As I recall, he nearly killed you on more than one occasion. Just because his motives are not obvious doesn’t mean they aren’t there. It’s all in his mannerisms, his posture, the look in his eyes. I can’t count on one hand how many times he thought about killing you in the med bay just now. So elaborate for me: what do you mean by a </span>
  <em>
    <span>fight</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words cause your stomach to stir a little, discomfort settling into your bones as Seonghwa speaks them, and you shift your weight from one foot to the other. Part of you wants to ask exactly how many times Hongjoong debated killing you on the spot, but you decide that some things are better left unknown, and that is most certainly one of those things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t wrap my mind around him. He isn’t what I expected him to be, and that is what is most unsettling. Years of legend and infamy behind him – surely you understand my surprise when I find those legends to be incorrect?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Almost every legend is a lie, Y/N.” It’s the first time Seonghwa has used your first name, and the tone with which he says it sends a chill down your spine. It shifts again a moment later, and what seems to be his regular timbre returns. “You fixate so much on minute details. Surely you understand my confusion concerning that behavior?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes a moment for realization to sink in, but once it does, your expression melts into one of anger. He is </span>
  <em>
    <span>mocking </span>
  </em>
  <span>you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, then let me ask another question. Why do they call you the Lieutenant of Death?” You are hoping for the words to snag a nerve or turn the discomfort over to him, but all you get in response is a clear laugh that rings through the hall. He throws his head back, hair scattering across his forehead. When he brings his head back down to look you in the eye, his tongue glides across his bottom lip as though in preparation to taunt you again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come now, princess. You have an extensive history with the military, do you not? Surely you must know the answer to that question.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You set your jaw, teeth grinding together, and level Seonghwa with a heated glare. “I am well aware of your history and extensive criminal record, especially since I was assigned to track you down and kill you at one point,” you hiss out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa allows a bit of emotion to shine through his expression, eyebrows raising as you share the information, and he glances away from you. You can practically see the gears turning in his head. After a moment of pondering, he breaks into a bout of laughter. It’s a strange reaction to being told that you are his would-be killer, and the longer he laughs the more confused you become.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-Why are you laughing?” You stutter out. Seonghwa pauses mid-laugh, looking from the ceiling to you while teasing the corner of his mouth with the tip of his tongue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not every day that you get to meet your would-be assassin,” he states as though the reason for his amusement is obvious. “Although, you must not have put too much effort into fulfilling that task. Especially seeing as I’ve not seen your face outside bounty papers.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Part of being an assassin means hiding your identity from your target,” you respond, mimicking his slight smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wonder if your most recent target saw the face of his killer before he died.” You know exactly what Seonghwa is alluding to, and you would rather not delve into that topic again so you divert the subject.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was assigned to your file just before I left the military,” you explain. Seonghwa hums in response, nodding his head a few times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So why did you leave the military?” He asks after a breath of silence. Your gaze falls into a glare once more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know why.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t at all what I meant,” Seonghwa smirks as he takes several long strides in your direction. Your first instinct is to back up and put distance between the two of you, but you find yourself completely unable to move so Seonghwa is face to face with you within seconds. “The chains on your wrist… were they there before or after you murdered a king?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words spark something in you, an anger you rarely let show, and you press your forearm against Seonghwa’s throat. The strain of the movements causes your wound to sting and burn but you continue moving until you have Seonghwa pinned against the wall. He goes along with your actions even though you both know that he is more than capable of deflecting you easily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It fucking wasn’t murder!” You spit out, glaring up at Seonghwa. He arches a brow and matches your glare. Silence lingers after your heated words. Then, within a second, Seonghwa twists your arm behind your back and spins around so that you are the one against the wall now. Your cheek presses roughly against the cool metal, your ears ringing from the harsh impact. Seonghwa leans close to your face and looks you in the eye as he says his next words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What was it then? If not murder, then </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Assassination? Sure, plenty of people wanted the king dead but tell me – why would they ever turn to a soldier to do that job for them?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would you think that the military would let me go with merely a brand?” You hiss back. “If they had given me the brand after killing their king, then wouldn’t you think they would’ve made certain that I had the highest amount of security possible? Why would they ever let me out of their sight? Let me escape? Impossible. The military is stupid but they aren’t that foolish.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your reputation precedes you. They call you the Ghost of Eros for a reason because supposedly you disappeared off the face of the planet after murdering the king.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You writhe against Seonghwa’s grip. “Their king earned his death. I merely delivered the blow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You keep saying that he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>their </span>
  </em>
  <span>king, yet he was yours at one point too. You’re so awfully defensive about this topic. You were defensive with Hongjoong too, so it’s more than obvious that something else – or someone else – is involved. There must be more to it than you’re letting on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Are you planning to extract the information out of me? I’m afraid that has been tried in the past. You can’t ask them how it turned out because they’re dead now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa releases your arm and steps back, a quiet laugh leaving his lips as he moves away from you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re so feisty, princess. If I didn’t know how dangerous you truly are, I might ask you to spar with me one day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You push off the wall, turning to face Seonghwa and settling him with a glare. “You’re so romantic, pretty boy. I’m sure all the ladies love when you say that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All the ladies and men, in fact,” Seonghwa replies, a smirk twisting his lips, and he sends a wink in your direction. He starts down the hall again. This time, you follow after him, trailing a couple of feet behind him and watching his back as he walks. “But if you had the brand prior to… killing the king, what made you go back to Eros in the first place?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which time?” You grumble, shifting your shirt back into a state of normalcy. “I’ve been back to Eros many times since I got the brand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t what I meant…” Seonghwa trails off. He steps further back and looks away from you. “It seems strange that a criminal like you would return to Eros and board a military ship. That is quite ballsy if you ask me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden, you remember exactly why you were on the ship in the first place. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The papers…</span>
  </em>
  <span> You grab at your shirt, feeling around at the band around your chest for any sign of the folds of paper, and when you can’t find them there, you pat down your pants instead. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck where are they? Fucking hell, after all this time of trying to get these damn papers? I lose them within the first few days? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa glances back at you. Concern and question shine through in his gaze, although he doesn’t say anything right away until you drop your arms to your sides in defeat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is everything okay?” He asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yea, yea,” you mumble back, voice trembling slightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Did Yunho take them? Why would he take them? Did he give them to Hongjoong? Oh fuck, that’s the last thing I need. What if he uses them and puts his name on them? Shit, I shouldn’t have let them out of my sight. I shouldn’t have forgotten about them in the first place.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa is still staring at you. He’s evidently waiting for a further response, but you’re struggling to come up with an excuse on the spot like this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I seem to have lost my weapons,” you say with a slight smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? So that’s why you were on that ship? To find your missing weapons?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Haha, how very funny, but no.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong asked Yunho to confiscate your weapons. Can’t have you going rogue and having access to things that could kill us, no?” Seonghwa laughs a little. Despite his insistence that you are a danger, he shows no signs that he is intimidated by you in the slightest. His confidence is still rolling off him in waves, and that scares you more than the body count behind his nickname. “Yet you still haven’t answered my question.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t plan to. That information is for me to know… and you to not know.” Your response causes Seonghwa to burst into laughter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So secretive, princess. If you aren’t careful, I might get intrigued by you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, like you aren’t interested already? You’ve been asking questions left and right as it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa comes to a halt, and for a moment you think it’s because of what you said. However, he turns to a door instead and taps at the keypad beside it. The metal slides open with a whoosh, revealing a dark room, and Seonghwa motions for you to follow him inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have piqued my interest, yes. But being intrigued is a bit different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The difference being?” You inquire as you follow him into the room. The lights flicker on once he steps over the threshold, casting light over a rather simple bedroom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s hope you don’t learn the difference,” he says before clearing his throat. He extends an arm to the room. “Your quarters, princess. I’m afraid they’re a bit simple seeing as you don’t have any belongings to put in here, but it has the basics. Bed, bathroom, dresser, mirror, bookshelf should you enjoy reading.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only the best aboard </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Horizon</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I see.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa releases a huff of laughter. “We aim to please,” he says with a small lilt to his tone. “Some more than others.” You scoff, surprise coursing through you as he says the words, and yet again you find yourself shocked by the boldness of this crew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you a bit too cheeky for a criminal?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is there a special guide I should be following? ‘Proper ways to be a criminal’? Rule number one: don’t be cheeky with princess, it gets on her nerves.” Seonghwa pokes his tongue out, darting over his bottom lip. “Now, you can come back here later and look around some more, but for now, I need to introduce you to the other crew members. If you’re going to be working with us all, it might be smart for you to know us all before going on any missions with each other.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa brushes past you, shoulder just missing yours, and leads the way out of the room again. You give the room once more scan before turning to follow him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Only one exit. Not even a vent in the damn room. He really does have one of the most secure ships in the galaxy, doesn’t he?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, you’ve met Hongjoong and myself obviously. Yunho as well, and San, I believe?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, that’s correct,” you mumble, wrapping your arms around yourself in attempts to warm yourself up. The longer you are out here in the halls, the colder it becomes, and your thin shirt is doing very little to block the cold air from touching your skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, we need you to meet Yeosang and Jongho for certain. Wooyoung, as well, although you may not work with him too much. I think we should hold off on introducing you to Mingi, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wooyoung… </span>
  </em>
  <span>That name is somewhat familiar to you. You recall it from the arguments San and Yunho shared, someone who was supposed to help Yunho with your operation but didn’t due to San’s insistence that he was not needed. It strikes you as strange that San would be so determined to hide Wooyoung yet Seonghwa, the Lieutenant, is showing zero hesitation in the slightest when talking about him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, why hold off?” You ask, suddenly focused on the last bit of Seonghwa’s comment. He glances back at you over his shoulder, an unreadable emotion in his eyes, and you think he’s not going to respond for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He can be a bit aggressive with new people,” Seonghwa mutters. He reaches up to touch his throat, fingers trailing over his skin as though remembering something. He shakes his head and drops his arm to his side when he catches your stare lingering. “Seeing as you are still recovering and Hongjoong set you back a little bit, I don’t think it would be wise to put you further in harm’s way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair, yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yet it still sounds like you are doubting something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your intentions,” you reply. A sigh leaves Seonghwa’s lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have issues trusting people, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you blame me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When people are doing you a favor and you respond with distrust, yes I can blame you. Hongjoong didn’t have to take you in. You could be dead right now but you aren’t. That’s more than a small favor if you ask me. The least you can do is have some semblance of gratitude. Unless that’s too much to ask for.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You fall silent at Seonghwa’s comment, continuing to trail after him in silence as he takes you through the ship. He takes your silence as a desire not to talk anymore and doesn’t push for conversation again. In fact, he doesn’t talk for the next ten minutes or so; instead leading you and matching your silence with one of his own. When you reach your destination at long last, you are almost ready to burst because of the awkward tension lingering between you and Seonghwa. Thankfully that doesn’t last long, because a familiar Cheshire smile greets you when you look past Seonghwa’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, well, well. Look who’s up and moving finally,” San says as he comes closer to the two of you. He pays Seonghwa almost zero attention in favor of honing in on you. “With all your limbs intact too. Here I was worried that you might lose your arm before the end of it.” The timbre of his voice is almost like a purr, soothing and alluring. He commands attention with his voice alone, although his appearance helps a bit as well. Now that you are free of your fever-induced haze, you can properly look at him without feeling as though you are going to keel over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“San,” Seonghwa greets, still facing forward as he talks to the other man.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lieutenant. Giving her the tour?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Introducing her to the others, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just in time. Almost everyone is here for dinner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. That’s why I brought her here now and not later.” Seonghwa beckons for you to follow him again, and you drag your gaze off San and his little cat-like smile in favor of glancing around the new room you’ve entered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s similar to almost every military ship you’ve been aboard: tall walls, an overabundance of tables on either side of the room, and two large archways at opposite ends of the room. It’s a mess hall, although one that is ridiculously big for the amount of people in the room. Near the center of the room, two people sit at a circular table, heads down as though they don’t know that you even exist. Even at a distance, you can hear quite mumblings exchanged between the two. If, according to San, “almost everyone” is present, then Hongjoong must not have many people on his crew to begin with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa,” you call out before he gets any closer to the table. “How many people are on the crew exactly?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eight, including Hongjoong. I guess nine now with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>it</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” You ask, tone incredulous. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The most fucking notorious pirate in the whole damn galaxy has a crew of only seven people? Is this some kind of sick joke? What the actual fuck?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Surprised, princess?” Seonghwa chuckles at the shock in your tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I expected more,” you mumble.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You seem to expect a lot from a man you had never met prior to today.” Seonghwa doesn’t give you the opportunity to respond. He walks off without waiting for you, forcing you to play catch up, and San trails after the two of you. “Look alive, ladies!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two men at the table glance up at Seonghwa, eyes wide in surprise from the sudden intrusion. Their whispering halts in an instant. Rather than looking at Seonghwa, both sets of eyes land on you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just from a quick glance at the one on the right, you can tell that he’s a Berserker. It’s really only because of the red hue to his irises, because otherwise he doesn’t look at all like any of the Berserkers you’ve come into contact with over the years. Nonetheless, he exudes the same intimidating aura that you remember from previous encounters with people of his kind. Head crowned with dark brown hair, he has a slightly boyish look to him, especially compared to the man at his side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>The man in question bears lengthy blonde hair, stained brown at the roots and parted down the middle. He has sharp features that are so symmetrical that it looks at though he was cut from marble. Royal. Or former royal, considering where he is and who he is aligned with. Those sharp eyes bore holes into you, clear and blueish green like the sea you grew up seeing every day</span>.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N, that’s Jongho on the right, and here on the left is Yeosang. Berserker and Elitist respectively.” The blonde’s class fits his appearance quite well but leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth. You’ve never had good experiences with Elitists, especially since the military was overflowing with the Class, but it’s quite odd that an Elitist would be part of a band of pirates. They tend to stay on the right side of the law, which means something about this Yeosang isn’t quite right.</p><p> </p><p>You once again remember exactly where you are and who surrounds you. While you don’t know what Yeosang and Jongho – or San for that matter – are known for, you do know that they are just as dangerous as the Lieutenant of Death on your left.</p><p> </p><p>“You will probably be working with Yeosang quite a bit, perhaps Jongho as well.”</p><p> </p><p>The blonde stands upon hearing Seonghwa’s words and steps around the table to get closer to you. He stares you down, eyes still keeping you rooted to the spot.</p><p> </p><p>“Pleasure to meet you, Ghost of Eros,” he says after a moment of glancing over you. His tone is quiet, soft like silk, yet those eyes remain unblinking and unsettling. “I believe I have you to thank for the death of our former king.” You blink up at him, eyes falling into a narrow glare. He extends an arm in your direction. You barely recognize what he’s doing, but realization washes over you soon enough. It’s the military handshake; a sign of finding fellow soldiers in the field should you be on a covert mission, but Yeosang is using the wrong arm. You blink down at his arm, eyes flitting over his wrist. The skin is raised there, and the delicate pattern of chains rests on the inside of his wrist. You hesitantly meet his with yours, gripping his forearm weakly, and the brand on your own wrist brushes against his.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, how fancy. Two traitors in one room. Can’t wait to hear them exchange military stories,” San chirps from your side, glancing around your shoulder to watch you and Yeosang interact with interest.</p><p> </p><p>“Aw, if I had known we were doing a meet up with the new girl, I would’ve come sooner!” A new voice resounds behind you. It causes your head to spin, a swirling of confusion, and you stumble back from Yeosang. You would fall if not for his continued grip on your arm. You jerk towards the sound of the voice, eyes finding the new form and recognizing him in an instant. Charcoal hair. Tan skin. Metal collar. It’s the little shit who plugged an anesthesia shot into your neck.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi hello it's 5 o'clock on a tuesday, yaknow what that means!!! i hope you all enjoyed this chapter, i personally feel like it's a bit weaker in comparison to the previous chapters so I'm sorry about that ;-;</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Act One - Part Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Aw, if I had known we were doing a meet up with the new girl, I would’ve come sooner!” A new voice resounds behind you. It causes your head to spin, a swirling of confusion, and you stumble back from Yeosang. You would fall if not for his continued grip on your arm. You jerk towards the sound of the voice, eyes finding the new form and recognizing him in an instant. Charcoal hair. Tan skin. Metal collar. It’s the little shit who plugged an anesthesia shot into your neck.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You." The word is hissed out between gritted teeth, and you twist away from Yeosang to start in his direction. The blonde keeps you in place, however, his hand not relenting in its grip on your arm. The sudden spike in anger radiating off of you at the sight of the newcomer must've been a warning sign to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You attempt to tug away from him, trying your best to break his hold on you so you can go beat the shit out of the newcomer. His grip is too strong for you to fight though, even with your good arm, and he manages to get you rooted to the spot for the time being. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Fuck off," you spit at Yeosang, eyes bore holes into his form now. "He knocked me out and plugged my neck with an anesthesia shot. I have every right to knock the shit out of him." Yeosang's eyes widen at your words. His grip on you nearly falters, but he recovers less than a second later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What the hell?" It is San's voice that rings through the room next, along with Seonghwa's echoing the same words a fraction of a second later. You tilt your chin back towards Wooyoung, pleasantly surprised to see an expression of fear coating his features. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Uh, wh-what?" He repeats with a shaky smile. Even at a distance, you can see the way his throat bobs as he swallows roughly, an obvious sense of nervousness surrounding him. “I-I swear – it’s n-not as bad as it sounds!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang’s grip leaves your arm all of a sudden, and he pulls your attention back to him for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“By all means, go knock some sense into him. Eye for an eye, no?” The hand that just gripped your arm now motions towards Wooyoung, as though inviting you to go exact some form of revenge on him. You nearly jump at the opportunity and start towards him, only to be stopped yet again within seconds. This time it’s San who stops you though, one arm jerking out in front of your chest without even sparing a glance in your direction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” the man says under his breath, eyes following Seonghwa as the lieutenant spins on his heel.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were given specific orders not to go into the med bay after the surgery, Wooyoung,” he says. Now that Hongjoong is nowhere in sight and it’s just Seonghwa present to deliver orders, you can clearly understand why the man is so well-suited for the position. Just his posture while berating Wooyoung is threatening in and of itself, but that combined with the chilling tone that leaves his lips causes you to stop in your tracks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N-No! No, Yunho allowed it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Last I checked, Yunho wasn’t the captain </span>
  <em>or</em>
  <span> the lieutenant, was he?” While the question is meant to be sarcastic, there are hints of vehemence in the words Seonghwa utters.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-He asked for help. He needed someone to help clean up after the operation and take inventory. I-I offered to do it si-since I was allowed to help with the operation itself!” Wooyoung stammers through his defense, eyes still blown wide as he blinks back at Seonghwa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true, Woo,” San cuts in. His arm falls a little, nearly hitting your chest as he moves, but you make a quick move to lean back. “I was the one who was supposed to take inventory, not you. Yunho asked me to help because he felt bad for our argument. You knew that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I… I…” Wooyoung is unable to get any further words out, gaze moving from Seonghwa to San before landing on you. Something in his dark eyes seems pleading, like something is on the tip of his tongue, but the words never come out so you are left wondering what on earth he could’ve wanted to say. San’s arm falls back to his side limply, an evident sign of relenting, and you take it as an invitation to go exact your revenge at last.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You close the distance between the two of you within seconds, moving so quickly that the world seems to blur around you, and you barely process that your fist is swinging into his nose until after he releases a noise of pain. He stumbles away from you, hand flying up to cover his face after you make contact with it. Red flecks fall to the floor almost immediately. They drip down the side of his hand, dragging along his tan skin and leaving a dark red path before finding the metal floor. A groan of pain follows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re lucky that it’s all you got,” you scoff, leaning closer to where he’s bent in half. He glances up at you out the corner of his eye. “You deserved a hell of a lot worse too but I’m not going to embarrass you in front of your crewmates.” Wooyoung releases a shaky sigh and straightens his back, standing up straight again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was… ju-just trying to follow Yunho’s orders.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone exhales a deep sigh behind you, and you don’t have to turn to figure out who it was because he speaks a moment later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They weren’t your orders to follow, and it wasn’t your job to do either,” San says following the sigh. Another sound echoes through the room, one vaguely similar to the sound of a tongue clicking against teeth. “This is exactly why I wanted Woo to stay out of sight and out of mind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung rubs at his bleeding nose with the back of his hand, grimacing from the pain for a moment, before he redirects his attention to San. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He grumbles under his breath. San hears him regardless, thanks to the lack of other sounds in the large room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re only good at causing problems, not fucking solving them,” San hisses in response. Wooyoung shrinks away from you all of a sudden, almost curling in on himself as San answers his question. Bloody fingers claw their way up to his neck and cling to the metal collar hanging around his skin. You can’t keep your jaw from falling open, lips parted in both surprise and confusion. Wooyoung seems ten times more terrified than he was when Seonghwa yelled at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>…A slave?</em>
  <span> You wonder to yourself, dragging the tip of your tongue over your teeth. </span>
  <em>He… he has to be, right? The collar, the fear, the desire to take care of jobs that aren’t even his to take care of?</em>
  <span> A wave of guilt washes over you. You just punched a slave in the face so hard that his nose is most likely broken. You know you aren’t the best person in the universe but that has to be a new low for you. You bring your still curled fist to your chest, curling the fingers of your other hand around it as you gnaw on your lower lip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry…” Wooyoung mumbles, resuming his almost bent over position. You cast one more lingering glance his way then shift your body so that you can look back at San now. “I’m really sorry… I didn’t mean to make things worse.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You say that ever–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut the fuck up, San.” Yeosang lurches forward, the blonde moving fast enough to nearly blur before your eyes. His eyes read murder, a clear intent that you can see even a couple feet away. For a moment, you think that his hands are going to close around San’s neck. Someone is a bit faster than he is though. Seonghwa slips between Yeosang and San, fury in both his expression and his stance. You see movement just past his shoulder; Jongho, getting to his feet at the sight of the sudden aggression.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fucking hell, everyone on this crew is a damn loose cannon. One wrong word, and they’ll be ready to murder me.</em>
  <span> It isn’t a comforting thought in the slightest; in fact, quite the opposite and you can only silently beg that Hongjoong makes a stop on a nearby planet soon. The quicker you get off this hellhole of a ship, the better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You–” Seonghwa drops a hand to Yeosang’s shoulder, leveling him with a narrow glare “–need to calm down.” His other hand finds San’s shoulder, although he pushes San away a little rather than holding him in place like he did with Yeosang. “San didn’t mean it in that way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s pretty fucking clear what he meant!” Yeosang snarls in response, looking around Seonghwa to glare at San.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quit acting out of emotions, Yeosang.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I never act emotionally,” the shorter man counters. His blonde hair trembles as he jerks his head. “San is being unreasonable and out of line.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are being out of line as well, Yeosang. How many times now have I been forced to remind you of your place? Last I checked, you are my subordinate, and you answer to </span>
  <em>me</em>
  <span>. In terms of length of stay with the crew, San has more time under his belt than you do. Take a page out of his book and learn a bit about respect. Or think twice about how a former thief has more respect than a former soldier.” Seonghwa’s grip on Yeosang’s shoulder. “In all the time you have worked together, you should know by now how San behaves and that he says things he doesn’t mean.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s not being reasonable or logical though!” Yeosang argues, voice climbing a bit in volume. All the while, San remains close-lipped, suddenly silent even though he’s being berated to his face. It’s a strange turn of attitude – he never seems to have an issue being loud-mouthed with Yunho or Hongjoong previously, and his amount of respect for his captain seemed lackluster at best.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rather than responding, San brushes Seonghwa’s hand off his shoulder and pushes away from him. He moves for the table, sitting down without another word. Yeosang’s heated glare follows his every move even with Seonghwa standing directly in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho moves with San, falling back into his seat without much effort. Everything about the situation seems odd because as a Berserker, you would expect Jongho to lash out thanks to the spikes in anger. He seems completely and utterly calm, however. It’s unlike any other Berserker you’ve encountered before, and it’s something that causes your stomach to stir out of discomfort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stand down, Yeosang,” Seonghwa commands. His words pull the blonde’s gaze away from San at last and redirect his focus to the lieutenant. It takes a moment – one where Yeosang and Seonghwa stare at each other with matching glares – but Yeosang stands down and moves to return to his seat beside Jongho. The tension falls away from Seonghwa’s shoulders as he moves. The lieutenant glances over at you now and motions for you to come closer again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before you do though, you dare to glance over your shoulder and look at Wooyoung again, but there’s only an empty space left in his wake. The only signs that he was even there in the first place are the droplets of blood across the floor and the dull throbbing on your knuckles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry that you had to witness that mess,” Seonghwa chuckles once you start walking back towards the table. “We are a crew full of loose cannons. Too many combating personalities. Of course, it isn’t the ideal way I wanted to introduce you to everyone. Perhaps it’s good for you to see glimpses at everyone’s true colors though.” Seonghwa waits until you’re at his side before taking a seat. You follow in suit, occupying the empty space between the lieutenant and Yeosang. While you and Seonghwa operate as an effective barrier between Yeosang and San, they still stare at each other with unreadable gazes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All the anger in Yeosang’s posture seems to have melted away. His eyes are bright and teasing again, lips quirking into a small grin. He tilts his chin to the side and slightly upwards. It is almost as though he’s showing off, a slight show of arrogance, like he’s won some game no one else is aware of. San, on the other hand, slumps in his seat. The pieces fall into place in your mind when you see that. Despite Seonghwa having to step between them and keep them from fighting physically, Yeosang won the mental battle. He wormed his way into San’s mind and won that way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a typical tactic from someone in the military, one that you had to utilize many a time in order to get what you wanted. Crippling someone mentally or emotionally is the best way to win a battle. You can be fighting the strongest opponent on the battlefield, but if his mind is weak, then you have the high ground. It was one of the first things you learned in training.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t appear to hold grudges,” you say before the silence grows uncomfortable. It’s obvious that your words are directed at Yeosang with the way you are staring at him point-blank. He responds with a dry laugh, grin playing at his thin lips, and slowly drags his gaze over to you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s easy to put someone in their place as long as you know how to,” he says. “I can show you how to do it sometime if you want. Although if I may be bold for a moment… you seem a bit more like the type who needs to be put in place rather than the other way around.” His tongue plays at the corner of his lips after he utters the words, emphasizing the suggestive nature of them, and you respond with a choked noise of indignation. Seonghwa reaches around you and smacks Yeosang upside the head for the comment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Calm down there. Can’t handle the sight of a woman?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For someone who is supposed to be emotionless, you certainly exude an overabundance of arrogance,” San adds, elbows coming to rest on the table. Some of the defeat has ebbed away from his body and he sits up a bit straighter now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unlike you, I don’t use my heart to make emotions. That is what the military taught me,” Yeosang responds, rubbing the side of his head where Seonghwa struck him. San rolls his eyes at Yeosang’s words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, were you taught that as well, Y/N? Or is it just Yeosang being an arrogant stoic asshole as per usual?” You glance over at San as he says your name, eyes wide. While the memory has grown a bit hazy as time has passed, you do clearly remember being taught that exact same lesson back when you were a trainee.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It isn’t one that you remember fondly, but the memory does make itself known from time to time and rears its ugly face to you. It was not a formal lesson, more of a spur of the moment dump of information from your commanding officer. It was supposed to be a typical midnight patrol of the city, making sure that everything seemed normal, but the reality was not so kind. Your officer brought you to a dark alleyway along with one of your fellow trainees. A man bound in chains and face-first on the ground was waiting for you, seemingly dead already, but your commander had delivered a sharp kick to his side and woken the prisoner up promptly. Then, he passed a gun to the trainee with you. Told him to shoot the prisoner point-blank in the head. Both of you were shocked at the command. The poor trainee with you couldn’t hold the gun still to save him life, and perhaps if he had done so then you would remember the memory a bit more fondly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But no, his hand shook the entire time he tried pointing the gun at the groaning prisoner, and with his trembling fingers, he couldn’t pull the trigger. It took two seconds flat for your officer to disarm him and beat him to the ground. Two seconds to drop him to the cobblestone face down beside the prisoner. Two seconds to push the gun into your hands and command you to shoot both the prisoner and your friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you there?” San’s voice cuts through the memory, and you whip your head up. For a moment, it felt like you were back there in that alleyway. The luminescent lights above you seep back into your vision and awaken you from the memory.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yea, yes. That’s… that’s the first thing you’re taught when you join,” you respond, struggling to pull yourself together enough to answer him. “Especially if you’re an Elitist, in which case they put you through special training to dull you to the horrors of the military.” You glance over at Yeosang in attempts to gauge his reaction to your explanation, but his expression is a blank slate. Something about the emptiness in his eyes reminds you of the expression you saw in the mirror when you returned to the barracks that night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Supposed to dull you. It’s supposed to dull you. Make you their killing machine. Well, they got what they fucking wanted, didn’t they?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were both taught the same thing then?” The question rises from Jongho, his sudden intrusion startling you. He sounds as young as he looks, the crisp edge of his hair resting just atop his eyebrows. “Since you’re both Elitists?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s obviously fishing with the question, trying to garner a response out of you, and you almost falter in a hasty answer. “Yes,” you manage, eyelids fluttering as you struggle to maintain a sense of normalcy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? I didn’t know that you were an Elitist,” Yeosang chimes in, and your eyes leave Jongho’s red ones to land on Yeosang when he speaks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The military rarely takes anything other than Elitists,” you counter in the hopes that Yeosang will get the hint.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, assassins of your caliber tend to be a Spectre like San.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m fucking sick of hearing that,” you mutter under your breath, dropping your gaze to the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of hearing what?” Seonghwa inquires.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You all keep saying “someone of your caliber”. I’m sick of hearing it. What is that even supposed to mean? I am nothing special and just because I have a few skills doesn’t mean that I’m any different than any other soldier.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa squints at you, and as you pass a quick look his way out the corner of your eye, his glare deepens. “Typical soldiers don’t get names like “Ghost of Eros”. Nor do they leave the military. So you are really anything but a typical soldier.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang follows Seonghwa’s words with a slight shake of his head. “You’re a mystery to me, Y/N.” He folds his arms over his chest. “At a certain point, the military makes certain that you are under their control. They all but breed you to be a killing machine for them. The ones who show any semblance of freedom always end up leaving at some point. You left, as evidenced by the chains on your wrist. But then you went back for more, didn’t you?” Your gaze shifts from the table to Yeosang, finding his piercing gaze already on you. Your lack of verbal response is a response in and of itself, and your silence only confirms what Yeosang insinuated. “That’s not freedom.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A scoff leaves your lips, although you don’t mean for it to slip out. All four sets of eyes find you upon the noise, but you neglect to explain your reasoning for the sound. Instead, you glare at Yeosang with fire in your eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That makes you just as much a slave as the other soldiers.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So I’m assuming that you mean to say you </span>
  <em>aren’t</em>
  <span> a slave like I am then? Since you criticize me for returning to Eros, despite what I did when I got there?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s not the point. It’s that the difference between you and them is the fact that you got rid of the thing holding them back, but you didn’t set them free.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think about that…” Seonghwa interjects. “That’s a good point though. You could’ve started a revolution, been their leader, given them freedom. Something as dramatic as that... it could've changed how things work everywhere, not just on Eros. Yet you chose not to. Surely that crossed your mind. So why didn’t you do it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>An exasperated sigh leaves your lips. You bring a hand to your hair, running your fingers through the loose locks, before explaining yourself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was never about revolution or freedom,” you say. “The only thing that mattered to me in the heat of the moment was revenge. That’s all that ever mattered. There will always be rumors and legends, things people assume to be the truth, but the reality is that no one except for myself will know why I did what I did. I know that I’m a criminal, not only to the loyal soldiers of the military, but also to the desperate people who begged me for freedom and demanded I do more. I didn’t want to do more though. I got what I wanted. And I didn’t have any help doing it from start to finish. People are selfish. I know that. I’m selfish for doing what I did. But at least I didn’t make empty promises to the people hoping for freedom. I was never going to free them, and if they didn’t understand that, then it isn’t my problem.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence answers you after you conclude your explanation. You don’t dare to look at any of their expression, mostly due to the fact that you’re afraid of how they might react. After several tense moments of silence, you finally get some sort of response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Spoken like a true Elitist,” Seonghwa chuckles. Yeosang echoes the laugh with one of his own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How does the saying go? Heavy is the head that wears the crown? It makes me curious as to which rumors are true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Depends on who you ask,” you respond with a strained grin. “I personally don’t care for rumors in the slightest, but then again I also don’t care for all this talk of the past either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The comment makes Yeosang burst into laughter for some reason. “You and I really are quite similar. It’s almost fascinating. I wonder if it’s only due to our connections with the military. Your station was on Eros?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not called the Ghost of </span>
  <em>Eros </em>
  <span>for nothing,” you snark, and Yeosang clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, you’re so feisty. It makes me wanna put you in your place even more now.” Yeosang grins at you, reaching out to pinch your chin between his index finger and thumb, but you swat his hand away before he can touch you. The corner of his mouth twitches at your hasty action.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The military tried that already,” you hiss out between gritted teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eros has… inferior subjugation tactics compared to Aera, where I was stationed. I would quite enjoy demonstrating them for you.” His tone is far too suggestive for your liking, but luckily Seonghwa notices your discomfort and cuts into the conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, since you’re intent on changing the subject, Y/N…” Seonghwa interrupts as Yeosang opens his mouth to say something else. “I guess now is the perfect time to explain the real reason I brought you here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pardon?” You inquire, tilting your head towards Seonghwa now in search of an explanation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s time for your first mission.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: whewie now things are picking up a bit more! who is your fav boy so far?? we haven’t met everyone quite yet but we are getting there. mingo mango is coming soon but first we gotta get through the first mission!!! eek im excited to share more with you all!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Act One - Part Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Well, since you’re intent on changing the subject, Y/N…” Seonghwa interrupts as Yeosang opens his mouth to say something else. “I guess now is the perfect time to explain the real reason I brought you here.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Pardon?” You inquire, tilting your head towards Seonghwa now in search of an explanation.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s time for your first mission.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa grins from ear to ear, eyes disappearing behind his lids as he looks your way. You blink back with your mouth agape. It seems too soon for you to be doing something like this. You can’t understand Hongjoong’s game plan in deciding this, but there must be one.</p><p> </p><p>“A covert mission. Get in and get out without being seen or leaving tracks. Relatively simple for someone with your history, and it may hit a little close to home. We’ll be raiding a military warehouse for some supplies. Y/N, you and Yeosang will be on the watch team. San and Jongho, you’ll be on the infiltration team. Y/N, if you can handle holding a sniper rifle, your job will be to watch for guards. Yeosang will do the same at the back entrance of the warehouse while you’ll be watching the front. Yeosang, as leader of this mission, you’ll be calling a majority of the shots when there. Does this sound manageable?”</p><p> </p><p>You watch as Yeosang, Jongho, and San all nod without any hesitation. They don’t seem bothered by your presence on the mission in the slightest, but for some reason, that doesn’t make you feel any less out of place. Seonghwa still watches you, eyes cracking open as his smile fades into a thin line.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” you say quietly after you realize that he’s waiting for your confirmation as well. “But… well, I have a question.” You’re a bit hesitant, and this sudden show of authority by Seonghwa has you realizing that the others listen to him for a reason. It may not be your place to question him, but something about his methods and decisions strikes you as odd. You can’t tell whether it’s Seonghwa’s own decision or Hongjoong’s. Hell, Seonghwa may not even know the answer to your question, but you won’t let that keep you from asking. “Why would Jongho be on the infiltration team? He’s a Berserker. It would make more sense to have you be on the mission instead as an Elitist.”</p><p> </p><p>A breathy laugh leaves Seonghwa’s lips. He glances away from you in favor of looking down at the table. “That’s the kind of thinking I hate. The military teaches you to be so close-minded and only think about two possibilities when there are at least eight. Jongho may be a Berserker but he is one who needs to stay away from most of the action. Yeosang is the leader of the mission because he is an Elitist, and as the leader, he needs to stay back and watch over things from a distance. Jongho can take care of any rogue guards who might be out and about, but his primary goal is to defend San. Just holding still and watching for enemies to waltz in is not his specialty. Catering to abilities and skillsets is far more important than just putting more Elitists on the field. Make sense?”</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose…” you mutter more to yourself than to him. Out the corner of your eye, you can see Seonghwa grinning.</p><p> </p><p>“Good. If everyone understands, then you had best get going. Hongjoong is preparing to enter the atmosphere as we speak.” The tall man stands up, sweeping his dark hair out of his eyes, and moves to leave the room.</p><p> </p><p>“W-Wait, what?” You stutter out. Seonghwa stops in his tracks and turns to look at you over his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you not hear me?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, I heard you. I’m just – where are we landing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you ever been to Medra, Y/N?”</p><p> </p><p>Shock overwhelms your body in an instant. <em>Medra? How is that possible?</em> You can only stare at Seonghwa with a dumb expression on your features for a good ten or twenty seconds.</p><p> </p><p>“H-How? How are we already in Yuki? Aurum’s system is at least sixteen parsecs away, and we can’t have left the system too long ago. There’s no feasible way that a ship this size could make the trip to Yuki in such a short amount of time. Only the highest grade military ships can move that quickly.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa smiles at you and laughs again, his amusement shining through clear as day. It’s a bit embarrassing to be laughed at in such a manner but your confusion is too great to be caring about that right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you asking that question, Y/N? You should remember what ship you’re on. <em>The Horizon</em> is the pride of the Black Sea, the fastest ship in the galaxy. Atlanteia is home to only one ship that can travel this fast, and the galaxy always gives us favorable traveling conditions. It shouldn’t surprise you one bit. Now, hurry up and get ready.” Seonghwa doesn’t wait around to tease you any longer; he turns on his heel and walks out of the room without any further ado.</p><p> </p><p>You blink at his retreating figure until he’s completely out of sight before turning to San. “Wh-What am I supposed to do?” You ask. You know that each and every single one of these people is expecting great things from you given your reputation, but if they don’t explain what the fuck you’re supposed to do, you won’t get to show them anything at all.</p><p> </p><p>San stands up from his own seat as well and motions for you to follow him out the room in the direction Seonghwa headed. Both Jongho and Yeosang get up at well, so you rush to lift yourself and trail after San before he gets too far ahead.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>The Horizon</em> is home to three transport ships for on-planet distance traveling. We use them for almost all of our missions, so that’s what we’ll be taking to get to the Military Warehouse. Hongjoong will land the ship a couple hundred kilometers away from the warehouse so we can avoid being seen entering the atmosphere. Our cloaking controls on the ship will help but as I’m sure you know, the military has countermeasures for that sort of thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong flies his own ship?” You inquire, surprise lacing your tone. Somewhere behind you, Yeosang releases a loud laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong would never let anyone else steer the ship. Not even Seonghwa is allowed to touch the controls, and the one time he did, Hongjoong broke three of his fingers.”</p><p> </p><p>Your surprise morphs into horror at Yeosang’s retelling of the story. San glances over at your expression and a small sigh escapes him.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re headed down to the hangar bay,” he explains, one hand coming to rest on your arm as he guides you down the corridor. His touch is light over your bandages but even with the faintness, your wound throbs from the impact. “We’ll suit up and get weapons there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Suit… suit up?” You echo.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re hardly inconspicuous in your current outfit. The best way to hide in your surroundings is to blend in with them.” San motions towards your outfit, a small smile playing at his lips. “Did you ever see ecosuits during your time in the military?”</p><p> </p><p>“No way,” Yeosang cuts in again, answering before you have the chance to respond yourself. “Aera was the only military in Aurum’s system to get ecosuits. We were leaders in advanced technology.”</p><p> </p><p>“Actually, I did see them,” you counter. Casting a quick glance over your shoulder, you spot Yeosang’s bewildered expression and continue explaining. “My unit received a shipment of ecosuits to use on covert infiltration and assassination missions. I believe it was engineers on Eros who built the first versions of ecosuits though.”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang all but sneers at your comment, and you smirk back at him. San glances back with you, a loud laugh erupting from his lips as he spots the bothered expression across the blonde’s features. <em>For someone who is supposed to be a traitor, he sure seems to have a lot of pride in his home and military…</em></p><p> </p><p>The man brushes off your comment a moment later. He disguises his annoyance with a smile before addressing you. “If you aren’t careful, I’ll have to put you in your place,” he says with the slightest hint of a threat to his tone.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not the first time a man has threatened me with that possibility.”</p><p> </p><p>San snickers under his breath at your comment, but Jongho releases a full-bodied laugh that echoes through the corridor. It’s weird seeing a Berserker act so carefree and docile in all honesty. You have to look forward again though, because San stops you with his arm and you nearly collide with a wall. Well, it’s less of a wall and more of the doors of an elevator, but it would have been both embarrassing and painful nonetheless. San presses a button on the wall, receiving an immediate ding in response to his actions.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been a while since we’ve seen someone who can keep up with Yeosang’s level of feistiness,” Jongho comments as you all step into the elevator.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?” You inquire, eyes on his back as he steps in front of you.</p><p> </p><p>“We haven’t had anyone on the crew who can match his temper and arrogance in a while.” Jongho shrugs while keeping his eyes forward as the elevator doors slide shut. “You seem to be the type to balance him out with calmness and humility. At least that’s the aura I get from you. Yeosang always feels so angry but you exude the opposite of that.”</p><p> </p><p>As intriguing as Jongho’s explanation is, it isn’t the part that catches your interest. Rather his comment about how it’s “the first time in a while” is what strikes you the most. You were under the impression that the crew had only consisted of eight people and that’s it. You didn’t even think to consider that more people used to be a part of the crew. Yet Jongho’s words seem to confirm the presence of previous crewmembers.</p><p> </p><p>“Did there used to be more people on the crew?” You ask with a bit of hesitance in your tone. You aren’t sure whether you’re breaching a line that should not be crossed. You get your answer a moment later. Jongho turns to you with his mouth open to respond, and Yeosang sends the most heated glare you’ve ever seen in his direction.</p><p> </p><p>The elevator dings, breaking through the awkward tension that has suddenly arisen between Yeosang and Jongho, and San tugs you out of the elevator before you can ask if it’s a touchy subject. The moment you two are out of earshot of Yeosang, San leans close to you, his lips brushing the shell of your ear as he speaks.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t bring up any past crew members. It’s a sensitive topic for many, and some respond with aggression rather than grief.”</p><p> </p><p>You nod along to his words and bring your gaze back to where Yeosang is now exiting the elevator. There’s no time to dwell on San’s words or the possibilities lurking behind them because he keeps pulling you further into what must be the hangar bay. One quick glance at the vast open area to your left confirms your suspicions.</p><p> </p><p>Three identical ships reside in the bay, much smaller and more compact than you expected, but you recognize the model to be the same as those of the military. The only difference lies in the color of the ships, each a jet black hue that is a stark difference to the white, gold, and red you’re used to seeing on each planet. San keeps pulling your attention left and right though so you can’t gawk at the ships for too long when he’s dragging you to a different corner of the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Here,” he starts, pointing down at a table. It’s covered in an array of weapons – guns, knives, bullets all lined up and stacked atop each other – along with a stack of what must be ecosuits. The black kevlar is a familiar sight but not a pleasant memory, and you can only stare down at the suit with disdain in your eyes. “You can step behind the cabinet to change, if you’d like. We normally just change out here but… I can see how you may not want to do that.”</p><p> </p><p>You laugh at his words, taking the tough material from his hands and bundling it up in your grasp. “Oh, I have no problem stripping down with you all but that’s more of a third date kind of thing to do, don’t you think?”</p><p> </p><p>San responds with a laugh of his own, nearly choking on his saliva as he struggles to catch his breath, and you step around the cabinet he mentioned to slip into the ecosuit. It’s relatively easy to slip into, despite the bandage on your arm getting a bit in the way, but the bigger issue is that you’re having trouble zipping the back all the way up. Asking for help isn’t an option; the words Daichi spoke to you in your dream days ago still linger with you and despite claiming to not care about his words, you are a bit paranoid.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Someone near you is a dangerous threat, one that you’ve never encountered before. You must be careful. Guard yourself wisely.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>So your only option is to suck it up and pull the zipper over your cascading tattoos rather than asking for help. San startles you a moment later, head poking around the corner as you have your back to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” he says. You whip around so fast that it hurts your head, fingers still on the zipper that isn’t quite all the way up. You can only hope that he somehow missed the marking on your back. “You good?”</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yea, yea.” You nod a few times and give the zipper one last yank. It gives and pulls all the way up thankfully, saving you from any further awkwardness.</p><p> </p><p>“Cool, you can just throw those clothes in a pile out here.” You gather the wad of clothes on the floor and follow San back out. Tossing them atop an already existing pile of clothes, you stretch your arms a bit to get used to the tight material over your body. The military never made these things the most comfortable to work in, so tight you can barely breathe properly, but at least the tech involved is neat to some extent. You never were one for enjoying the engineering side of things but some of your closest friends were and that was enough for you to at least respect the efforts that were put into these things.</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang catches your attention, pulling you out of the memories by beckoning you closer to the table with weapons across it.</p><p> </p><p>“If you can manage it with your arm, this will be yours for the mission,” Yeosang explains. You examine the weapon before you, a basic military-grade sniper rifle. It isn’t much different than the ones you’ve used in the past, but this one has more intricacies and decorations. You lift it with relative ease, finding it surprisingly lightweight despite the size.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine. My trigger finger still works just fine and that’s all I should need with this rifle.” You peer through the scope. “No fine laser tracking on the scope, but I’ll manage.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, that’s only because your job isn’t to kill anyone. Just to be on the lookout for people coming in and out of the warehouse.” You pop the clip cartridge as Yeosang speaks, finding it full of bullets. He catches your questioning stare. “With precautions, of course. It would be stupid to give you an unloaded gun.”</p><p> </p><p>“It would be stupid to give a highly dangerous criminal her weapon of choice too, but here we are.”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang chuckles at your comment. “Remember that you are aboard a ship full of criminals. You couldn’t possibly take all of us on, so I think we’re opting for a safe bet in giving you a loaded gun. Maybe it’s just in our blood to think that way though.” The Elitist turns to San and Jongho. “Go ahead and board the transport ship. Jongho, you’ll take the primary pilot seat. San, take secondary.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongho follows the order first, but San hesitates. After a slight roll of his eyes, he trails after Jongho and goes aboard the transport ship.</p><p> </p><p>“And for you, Miss Y/N, I’ll take that off your hands for now.” Yeosang extends a hand in your direction. You push the sniper into his hands. He grins at your quick compliance. “Good girl. See, we can make you obedient yet.”</p><p> </p><p>You bite down on your tongue to keep from lashing out in response. Yeosang notices your restraint and arches a brow at you, teeth sinking into his lower lip.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll gather the rest of the weapons and meet you on the ship. You can go ahead and board now.”</p><p> </p><p>“With pleasure,” you grumble under your breath, but you make sure to say the words loud enough for Yeosang to hear.</p><p> </p><p>The interior of the transport ship is compact and small, consisting of only two compartments: the pilot seats and a slightly wider and more open area meant for carrying soldiers. You see Jongho and San fiddling with the controls in the pilot’s cabin, but you aren’t quite sure what to do with yourself now that you’re aboard. You seat yourself in one of the seats where you can peer into the cabin and watch them work. It’s a new territory for you as you’ve never piloted a ship this small before. You’re used to spaceships meant for doing small scale perimeter checks around a system and planets. Ships like these are definitely not your specialty, and you only remember riding one on a few occasions.</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang steps into the back cabin after a few minutes, his long blonde flopping forward as he ducks to get in the door. He bears a hefty duffel bag on his back but drops it to the floor without a care as he turns to shut the door of the ship.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N, these are for you.” He comes closer to you, opening his palm to reveal a thin black wristband and a small grey device.</p><p> </p><p>“What am I supposed to do with these?” You ask, blinking between the items and Yeosang.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a communication system that hones you into certain channels based on the frequency. The main channel is for all members of the crew, and its frequency is around 480. The one we’ll be using for the mission is 640. They’re paired with each other, so no one aside from us can hear our conversations.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighs and picks up the small grey device first, leaning close to your ear without warning. You flinch away from him at first but he inserts the device with a surprisingly gentle touch. It’s snug against your ear and rubs awkwardly against the piercings decorating the shell of your ear.</p><p> </p><p>“You seem to have a lot of piercings for a military person,” he comments as he pushes past the metal barriers. “It’s kinda hot, not gonna lie.”</p><p> </p><p>“Focus on the task at hand,” you scoff. Yeosang chuckles to himself but does as told, thumbing over the material to make sure it’s secure in your ear. He slips the wristband around your hand, and it snaps to your wrist.</p><p> </p><p>“To change the frequency just drag your thumb across the band and wait for this radar to pop up. Move left and right to find the frequency you want, and you’re good to go.” Yeosang swipes his index finger over the band and helps you set it to the desired frequency before pulling back. He raises his own wrist to his lips and speaks softly against it.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you hear me?” His voice is loud and intruding in your ear, and a crackling sound follows his words. “Good,” he says as you grimace.</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang moves towards the pilot’s cabin. You can hear him speaking to someone over an intercom and recognize the timbre of Hongjoong’s clear voice. You can’t tell what they’re saying, but Yeosang explains it when he returns.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll be landing soon. It should take around forty-five minutes to reach the outskirts of the warehouse.” Yeosang sits across from you, one leg coming to rest atop the other. His blonde hair stands out even more now that he’s dressed in all black, but that isn’t exactly what’s on your mind as you watch him closely. He notices your lingering stare and lack of response in an instant. “Is something on your mind?”</p><p> </p><p>You purse your lips. “Why did you leave the military?”</p><p> </p><p>Rather than words, Yeosang replies with a hearty laugh. You blink at him, thoroughly unamused by his answer, and that annoyance must read on your features because he explains himself after a moment. “You’re good at deflecting, I’ll give you that. To answer your question though, I didn’t leave the military.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not possible. You couldn’t have gotten the chains without attempting to leave?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know why they call me the Royal Betrayer?”</p><p> </p><p>You freeze at the question. “I-I didn’t even – I didn’t know they called you that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it’s what they call me on Aera. I was tried for treason. I was going to be publicly executed for crimes against the crown and the Royal Guard, but I was able to get out of jail the night before my execution date. I got the brand that same night before I escaped.”</p><p> </p><p>“How the hell did you escape? I thought Aera had one of the most protected prisons.”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang shrugs his shoulders, settling further back against the seat. “There just weren’t that many guards that night. I try not to look a gift horse in the mouth, as the saying goes. I just accept it and move on, so that’s exactly what I did back then too.”</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t explain why they call you – wh-what, the Royal Betrayer?”</p><p> </p><p>“Lots of people don’t realize that even princes and royals are capable of treason.” Yeosang glances off to the side, staring at the floor rather than at you. <em>…a prince? Then –</em></p><p> </p><p>“I’ve heard of you,” you say aloud. Yeosang’s lips quirk up into a smile. “W-Well, I’ve heard of <em>a</em> prince who betrayed the crown on Aera. His name wasn’t Yeosang though. It was Kang something…”</p><p> </p><p>“Kang Minhee,” Yeosang says for you. “Yours truly. It’s amusing to think that if you had been on Aera rather than Eros, I could’ve been one of your targets if I had stayed there. Funny how fate chose for us to meet like this instead.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t speak too soon. There’s always a possibility of me putting a bullet in your before this is all over.”</p><p> </p><p>“Before it’s all over? How do you think this is going to end, Y/N?”</p><p> </p><p>He’s not talking about the mission; no, that much is obvious. He’s talking about your involvement with the crew, with Hongjoong, your stay aboard the ship, and frankly, you have no idea how to respond to him. You don’t know how it is going to end. You haven’t thought that far ahead, which is typical of you, but also just something that didn’t cross your mind prior to now. When you were stuffed in a crate, you thought of escape ten times over, but you haven’t once thought of it since then.</p><p> </p><p>“Consider that food for thought. It’s time to head out now. Hongjoong just opened the hangar bay doors.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Act One - Part Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The air is hot and stagnant around you, and the black ecosuit over your body isn’t helping block that heat in the slightest. You shift on the sand under your body. Sweat trickles down the crown of your head, and the muscles around your left eye are already tired from you squinting so much. There is no movement in your scope; it’s a clear and still area in front of the warehouse below. Yeosang is on your right, squatted beside where you are lying down on the cliffside and watching the ground as you do.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing,” you say as you pull away from the scope. Glancing up at Yeosang, you await his next order but it’s not for you.</p><p> </p><p>“San, Jongho. You are clear to drop down. Good luck.” Yeosang releases his wristband after giving the order and pushes a loose clump of blonde hair off his forehead. “Stay put and watch the front door from this angle. I’m doing to wrap around to the other side of the cliff and watch the back entrance. I’ll keep in contact with you over the headset. Here’s a pistol in case of emergencies but try not to use it without telling me you’re in trouble first. Keep your eyes and ears open.”</p><p> </p><p>“Will do,” you mutter in response, bringing your chin back down so you can stare through the scope again. When you pull up and check your right side again, Yeosang is gone. The only evidence that he was ever near you is the lone pistol at your side. You snag the weapon and pull it under your body, eyes trailing over the landscape surrounding you.</p><p> </p><p>It’s the first time you’ve ever been to Medra, but you were expecting much more than what you are currently faced with. The area you’re in is pretty much just a rocky desert, filled with small cliffs and shallow canyons at every turn. Even in the dead of night, there is no breeze. The air isn’t cool either despite the sun being gone from sight. Of course, it doesn’t help that Yeosang landed the transport ship a couple miles back out of fear of being seen by someone, so you already worked up a sweat from that.</p><p> </p><p>You shift your weapon to aim the scope at the roof of the warehouse. Two bodies move quickly across the flat surface – San and Jongho – dark shadows over the roof, and you follow them with your scope for a few moments before returning to the main entrance. Your earpiece crackles to life as you do, and Yeosang’s voice carries over.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you see anything?” He asks. You sigh, reaching for your wristband and speaking against the metal.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s quiet on my end. All I see is San and Jongho.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s clear on my end too,” Yeosang mutters back. You pull away from the scope and heave another deep sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“How long is this supposed to take?” You ask. A chuckle comes in response at first, and you press your lips into a thin line as you wait for proper response.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you impatient already, Y/N?” You neglect to respond to his snarky remark, prompting him to keep talking. “It should take two hours at most. One hour if we’re lucky.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean by lucky?”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean if San can keep his head screwed on the right way then there will be no trouble.” There’s a hint of venom in Yeosang’s words, and you are quick to pick up on it.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t seem to like San all too much,” you say in a quiet tone. Yeosang releases another laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“You do realize that San can hear us both over the comm? We didn’t switch channels.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the one who insulted San’s abilities,” you counter. His tone and attitude cause a twinge of annoyance to stir in your gut, but you push that aside and refocus your attention on the scope before you.</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang makes a sound somewhat like clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re quite defensive of San, aren’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>You inhale sharply, his voice alone grating at your annoyance.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t believe in minimizing someone without knowing what they can do first,” you argue back. Your index finger slips over the trigger of the sniper even though there are no targets before you. “Besides, San saved my life by getting me to Yunho.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a strange paradox in and of itself.” Yeosang pauses, and you hear the comm line die out. For a moment you think he’s spotted trouble, but his voice starts up again in the same calm tone as before. “Saving lives isn’t like him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Would you say the same about me then?” You inquire. You pull your finger off the trigger, letting it rest on the sandy ground instead.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you suddenly saved a life recently? No. At least, I don’t imagine you have. You – Y/N L/N, Ghost of Eros – are a killer. An assassin. A weapon. That is what you were bred to be. You were made to kill, and that is what you know how to do, is it not? Would you tell a lion to stop before his prey and have mercy? No, because lions are not capable of mercy. San is the same way. He is a weapon, and that is what he has been used as his whole life. It’s a fact that he is well aware of. As a member of the crew, he has one singular purpose and that purpose is to execute and assassinate. To use his abilities as a Spectre to do what Hongjoong wants.”</p><p> </p><p>A scoff escapes you, and you make sure that the comm picks it up so Yeosang can hear you.</p><p> </p><p>“So Hongjoong is running a slave ship then? One slave wasn’t enough, so he has to treat the rest of his crew like slaves as well? If he thinks for a second that I will let him treat me like a slave then he is sorely mistaken. The military couldn’t keep me in check, so a fucking loose-cannoned pirate sure as hell won’t either.”</p><p> </p><p>Quiet comes in response to your rant. You wait for any sort of answer from Yeosang, but a minute goes by in absolute silence. Then he laughs. It’s more of a huff than a laugh, and you can hear the disbelief in the sound.</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong isn’t treating anyone like a slave. He gives each person the freedom to decide for themselves how they want to be treated, what their position is, how they can be most effective on the crew. The only person he decided for was Seonghwa, but seeing as Seonghwa was the first to join the crew, that makes sense. Otherwise, he never made that decision for anyone. Even if you can’t see it yourself, he is giving you flexibility of your own. San chose what he is, and he chose to be a weapon. He chose what he is on the crew for one very clear reason.”</p><p> </p><p>“And what is that?” You forget that said man is on the comms with you for a minute, prying to get an answer out of Yeosang before he decides not to say anything at all.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s all because that’s how San views himself.” Yeosang lets silence hang in the air for a moment, and you drink in the information. It’s a sad and sinking reality that washes over you with the force of a tsunami. “No one influenced it, Y/N. Not Hongjoong or anyone else on the crew. If San wants to be treated that way, then I will respect that.”</p><p> </p><p>Part of you wants to ask how that is an act of respect when it’s so harsh and harmful. The other, more prominent part of you is stunned into silence as you mull over what Yeosang has told you.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How can a person subject themselves to being nothing more than a tool for others to use? </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Cat got your tongue, Y/N?” Yeosang inquires, tone almost lilting. The image of San’s Cheshire smile rises to the forefront of your mind, but it only fills you will sadness as you picture it. “Status update.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s still clear,” you mutter back. Yeosang awards you with a hum of approval before falling back into silence. Something still nags at the edge of your thoughts though, overtaking the sadness behind San’s image of himself. “If Hongjoong isn’t treating any of you like slaves, then why keep one himself?”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean? No one on the crew is a slave. And Hongjoong certainly isn’t the type to keep slaves, despite how he might come across sometimes. There’s a difference between being harsh and inhumane.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what’s the deal with the one in the collar then? Wooyoung? Is he not a slave?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course he’s not,” Yeosang snaps back in an instant, barely letting you finish your sentence before he’s denying it. “He hasn’t been a slave for a very long time. That doesn’t mean those scares have fully healed though.”</p><p> </p><p>You opt not to answer this time; instead, you let your gaze return to the scope and check the entrance to the warehouse again.</p><p> </p><p>“God, I fucking hate Medra.” Yeosang’s voice crackles through the earpiece. “So fucking hot and sandy. The damn winds will start any minute now too.”</p><p> </p><p>You don’t have time to ask about the winds because something twitches in the corner of your scope. Your index finger finds the trigger immediately, shot lined up on a wandering head, and you find two soldiers walking towards the main entrance. Your muscles twitch as you itch to just pull the trigger, but you stop yourself at the last second.</p><p> </p><p>“Movement,” you hiss. “San, Jongho – you’ve got two soldiers moving into the front door. Both armed with what looks like laser rifles. Helmets and chest padding.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, why are you getting all the fun over there?” Yeosang complains. You ignore him in favor of following the soldiers with your eyes until they disappear into the building.</p><p> </p><p>“They’ve entered the warehouse,” you report.</p><p> </p><p>Once they’re completely out of sight, you let the tension roll off your shoulders and relax against the ground again. Your fingers shake as you pull them away from the trigger. In one swift movement, you swing your legs around and sit up, bringing your left hand to touch the material over your bandage. The kevlar is damp to the touch, and even through the darkness, you can see the scarlet hue of blood on your fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, fuck…” You keep your lips away from the wristband, making certain that Yeosang and the others don’t hear you. You wipe your fingers against your thigh and settle back to the sandy ground.</p><p> </p><p>For a moment, it feels like you’re elsewhere. Outside the palace of Eros in the dead of night, waiting with your sniper just like this for the king to step into sight and earn himself a bullet in the head.</p><p> </p><p>For a moment, you feel the cool breeze of Eros’ winter on your skin, the cold sweat on your brow, and the burning tears on your cheeks as you sought to line up the shot.</p><p> </p><p>For a moment, you see the scene of that fucking public execution that you could not stop no matter how hard you tried. Maybe putting the bullet in sooner would’ve done something, but it didn’t. You had to settle for failure.</p><p> </p><p>“Does this take you back to the good old days of the military?” Yeosang inquires. He breaks you out of your reverie, and you feel the heat of the air around you again.</p><p> </p><p>“Which days are you talking about?” You ask, tone slightly shaky despite your efforts to hide how shaken up you are.</p><p> </p><p>“You mentioned being on a covert mission and assassination team. Surely you got good at shooting people in the head through that.”</p><p> </p><p>You are already sensitive thanks to reliving the memory, so you blame that fact for your very short patience with Yeosang.</p><p> </p><p>“Why is everyone so fucking intent on that one fact?” You hiss out with venom in your tone.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s impossible to think of anything else. That’s what you are known for. We know you because of that and that alone. Sure, you have an extensive list of crimes on your record, but to everyone who has seen the record, only one thing stands out. Without killing the king, you would be nothing and probably not even alive. Hongjoong wouldn’t have seen you as valuable in the slightest. Hell, San probably only saved you in the cargo bay because he knew who you were. As for myself, I want to know what the <em>real </em>reason for it was. You’ve already denied it being a revolution or something grand and fantastic. And you seem to hate taking responsibility for what you did. So that <em>really </em>begs the question: why?”</p><p> </p><p>You swallow roughly. The words nearly make you slip back into that structured mind space of your memory, and you feel the ghosting touch of cold air on your nape. A searing pain down your spine.</p><p> </p><p>“It was a personal vendetta,” you force out, breaking yourself out of the memory again. You can feel your chest heaving from the efforts to keep it at bay. You know if Daichi were here, he would be lecturing you on what a shitty job you’re doing, but you can barely keep your eyes on the ground below you. “Something I had to do. A score to settle, and that’s what I did. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. I would do it ten times over. But I can’t call it murder. Call it justice for the fallen who died when their king was supposed to be leading them and protecting them. Justice for the king who failed them in so many ways.”</p><p> </p><p>You hope that your answer will shut Yeosang up, but it has the opposite effect, unfortunately.</p><p> </p><p>“A vendetta? Is a vendetta justice then? How can that not be murder? You talk about justice as though it’s something to be attained through murder when it’s not. You claim it wasn’t for anyone but yourself, yet here you are contradicting yourself? I won–”</p><p> </p><p>“What would you have done in my shoes then? Would an obedient little prince have killed the king?” You can almost hear the way Yeosang’s jaw snaps together, a slight click over the comm. Maybe you’ve finally managed to get him to shut up long enough for you to breathe, but your luck evidently isn’t that good.</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t have been able to. Even after everything that went down prior to the order for my execution, I could never bring myself to despise the king enough to kill him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Would Kang Minhee have killed the king?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, just as I said.”</p><p> </p><p>“Would Kang Yeosang?”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang laughs but doesn’t respond this time. It’s an answer in and of itself.</p><p> </p><p>“Without those chains on your wrist, you are nothing more than a slave to the monarchy. The chains just make you seem like a traitor to the outside world, but it’s quite obvious that you aren’t actually one.” You pull back from the sniper in front of you, sitting up on your heels. A sigh leaves your lips.</p><p> </p><p>“An interesting take, Y/N. Something tells me you wouldn’t understand even a sliver of the truth though.” Yeosang’s tone is final. You don’t want to say anything else either, but you can tell that you’ve upset him with your words. You hardly feel guilty though, considering his incessant remarks about your decisions.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m tired of sitting around and waiting for nothing,” you announce. Not even as second later does Jongho’s voice crackle in your ear.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve got a problem.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you talking about?” Yeosang hisses.</p><p> </p><p>“San went ahead without me. Darted out of sight without warning, I couldn’t catch up to him because he was using his abilities. A guard saw him moving. I haven’t been spotted yet, but the guard is already calling for backup.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking hell. Jongho, stay out of sight for now. I’ll come down and handle this myself.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go with you,” you demand, falling back to the ground to check for said reinforcements in your scope.</p><p> </p><p>“No, you are staying put. Keep an eye out for reinforcements but don’t you fucking dare shoot anyone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely not,” you refuse. “You have zero reason to trust that I will stay put and not run away first chance I get. Or that I’ll tell you the truth about how many are on the way. I am offering my help. You ought to take it.”</p><p> </p><p>A small squadron of soldiers rush into the corner of your vision. You line up a shot without hesitation, aiming for a soldier just in front of another. You pull the trigger, the shot echoes through the canyon, and the bullet ricochets through the head of the first soldier and into the one adjacent him. You yank the bolt handle, letting the empty cartridge fall into the sand, then push yourself up. You snatch the spare pistol up in your right hand and reach around your back to feel for the knife strapped to your back.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you fucking dare jump down from this height!” Yeosang yells through the earpiece. “You need to stay put, especially with your arm!”</p><p> </p><p>You ignore his shouts of protests, yanking the knife out and propelling yourself off the edge of the cliff. You swing down and collide with the rock roughly. Just before you begin to skid down and fall to what would most likely be your death, you jam the edge of your knife into the sandy rock. The stone is so fragile and porous that the blade cuts right through and hooks. You brace your feet on the cliffside, ignoring the burn that emanates from your suit skidding across the rock, and let the momentum carry you down to the remaining three soldiers.</p><p> </p><p>They’ve spotted you, and you can hear their shouts as they fumble to line up their assault rifles and fire at you. Yeosang yells something incoherent in your ear but your body is so wound up on adrenaline that you don’t process a word he’s saying. You twist your head to look down at the soldiers and wait for the right moment to push off the cliff. All three have their guns trailed just beneath your feet, going lower and lower as you slide further down. You hear the gunshot before the first soldier calls for open fire.</p><p> </p><p>In that moment, time seems to slow to a standstill, you yank the knife out of the sandy rocks and push yourself towards the group below. You underestimated how many bullets would be fired in your direction, however, and without a second thought, you close your eyes. The markings on your back burn like hell as you let the slightest hint of your powers slip through before the bullets can hit your skin. When you open your eyes again, one of the soldiers screams.</p><p> </p><p>You propel your knife into his neck and aim your pistol at the second soldier on your right side. The bullet hits him square between the eyes at the same moment that your knife hits the one on the left. Your body barrels into the remaining guard in the middle, letting him cushion the brunt of your fall. The momentum and whiplash of his head smacking against the ground are probably enough to end his life, but you don’t take any chances and fire one last bullet.</p><p> </p><p>Your legs feel like jelly as you pull yourself off the guard. Once you’re on your feet again, you glance up at the cliffside in search of Yeosang, but you can’t see his figure atop it anymore. Your earpiece is silent as well. You look around, bending down to grab your knife out of the corpse. You wipe the blade on his uniform before tucking it back into the sheath on your lower back.</p><p> </p><p>You hear the thud of boots hitting the ground before you see the perpetrator on the edge of your vision. You turn to face Yeosang, expecting him to yell at you, but instead of speaking, he grabs you by the arm. With an unprecedented amount of force, he throws you against the cliffside. The breath is knocked out of your lungs. You choked on dust and sand. The duffel bag across his shoulders hits the ground as he steps closer to you.</p><p> </p><p>“You are fucking careless, selfish, and ignorant. You can’t listen to orders for two seconds?” He spits at you, hot breath cascading over your face. You shove against him, hands hitting his chest and sending him back a couple feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Remember that I am first and foremost a traitor. That’s it. I apparently have an issue following orders ironically. I create opportunities, and if you expect me to wait around for one to appear, you’re sorely mistaken.”</p><p> </p><p>“You should be riddled with bullets and dead on the floor. That would be better for everyone at this rate.”</p><p> </p><p>“Say it with a bit more enthusiasm, pretty boy! I didn’t quite hear the fire in your tone.” You push off the cliffside and start to move around Yeosang. His hand catches you by the throat. He shoves you back against the rock with little to no effort, fingers squeezing around your neck. The pressure only continues to increase, and for a split second, you think he might actually kill you. Your hands fly up to tear at his, trying to pull his fingers off your with depleting strength. He’s cutting off your airway just enough to make it uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p>Blonde hair blurs across your vision as his face moves closer to yours. You try to duck away to no avail; his grip keeps you in place.</p><p> </p><p>“What would you do if I let you go now?”</p><p> </p><p>The question confuses you at first, and you can’t quite understand what he means by it. He clears things up with his next question though, an echo of one he’s spoken to you before.</p><p> </p><p>“How does this end?” He loosens his grip on your throat just enough to let you speak.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I don’t know,” you choke out.</p><p> </p><p>“What are your goals now?”</p><p> </p><p>“I… I don’t have any.” You continue to struggle against his grip as you speak in attempts to free your throat more. “The only thing – the only thing I wanted in life was a chance to live a no-normal one, but that has been robbed from me. Revenge was th-the only thing that mattered to me up until I k-killed the king. I – I have no more goals for myself.”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang’s grip tightens as you finish speaking. He squeezes harder than before, and the air leaves your lungs at an alarming rate. Black spots dance in the edge of your vision. Your head pounds as though someone has hit you three times over. Then the pressure on your neck dissipates. You choke in air, doubling over and bracing yourself on your knees as you rush to catch your breath.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no point in killing you then.” Yeosang steps back, watching you collapse with unamused eyes. “I’m going to figure out what your true intentions are. There’s a reason you were aboard <em>The Revenge</em> and there is a reason you came aboard <em>The Horizon</em>. I’ll make sure you stay alive long enough for me to figure it out.”</p><p> </p><p>Something about Yeosang’s tone and stance above you exudes ruthlessness. You feared Hongjoong and all the possibilities surrounding him, but this is a different type of fear with Yeosang. It’s like he’s a predator chasing its prey, circling you with a hunger that you don’t know. You rub at your throat where his fingers just were. The skin is already sore to the touch, and you imagine that it will be bruised within hours.</p><p> </p><p>Jongho and San make a timely appearance just then. The Berserker rushes out of the warehouse first, and San follows close behind albeit at a much slower pace.</p><p> </p><p>“We need to leave. Preferably quickly. We got what we need but without the stealth part. So…”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang nods and taps at his wristband, turning away from you. Jongho’s eyes go to the carnage you left near the doors then over to the spot where you’re huddled against the cliffside.</p><p> </p><p>A loud rumbling suddenly starts up from somewhere beyond the cliff. Yeosang glances back at the three of you, his expression suddenly calm compared to the one you saw moments ago.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll be making a loud exit then. The transport ship is on its way. Be ready to move fast.”</p><p> </p><p>You push yourself up and glare daggers into Yeosang’s back. A sudden gust of hot air sweeps through the valley, and blinding iridescent lights hit as the transport ship lowers to the ground. Yeosang steps onboard first, and you follow behind quickly. You sweep past him to get to a seat.</p><p> </p><p>“San, I’ll be taking your spot in the pilot’s seat since you can’t seem to do as told,” Yeosang hisses between gritted teeth as San steps onto the ship. The dark-haired man merely nods and finds a seat across from you. You glance over at him, trying to read his expression but it’s completely blank. Jongho and Yeosang file into the pilot’s cabin. Neither you nor San speaks for a few minutes. The rumble of the ship is the only thing audible, along with a few clicks here and there as Jongho and Yeosang fiddle with the controls. You keep rubbing at your throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeosang is wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>You jerk your head in San’s direction, eyes blazing as you meet his gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeosang is wrong,” he repeats.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what you mean.”</p><p> </p><p>“What Yeosang said about why I brought you to Yunho… it’s wrong. He’s wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh. <em>Oh.</em> You had forgotten that he could hear that entire conversation. Of course, he could. You were speaking on the same channel Jongho and San were dialed to.</p><p> </p><p>“It wasn’t just because of your identity.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to justify your actions to me,” you respond. San shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I do. I most definitely do. There’s a reason why Yeosang and the others view me in that regard. Why they would assume that to be my intention. But I want you to know that I didn’t save you. Yunho did. Because that’s his job.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, actually,” you refute before twisting your lips to the side. You glance up at the ceiling, a deep exhale leaving your lungs, then continue to speak. “You did save me, whether you like it or not. I’m grateful to Yunho, yes, but I’m also grateful to you. Because without you, I would be dead in a crate of fabrics.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you… for saying that.”</p><p> </p><p>You nod and look away from the Spectre, focusing your attention on the floor under your feet. Yellow grains of sand are spread across the metal, and you mindlessly drag your foot through the scattered sand. A thud breaks your attention. You whip your head up again to where San was just sitting, but he’s no longer there. He’s crumpled on the floor of the transport ship, body limp.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>surprise 👁👄👁 i got excited and dropped this Early but i just cOULDNT HELP IT please let me know what you think of it uwu</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Act One - Part Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>The water is cold under your bare feet. The red moon cascades dark light over the lake, and you glance around in search of your typical companion. The water swirls around your ankles as you wade through it, moving closer to the shore. Daichi is at the edge again, squatted down on the rocks. He prods at the pebbles beneath the water with his fingers. As you get closer to him, you see that he’s drawing small patterns in them. They are familiar ones, the same design that lines the skin along your spine. You bring a hand to the back of your neck just at the thought of them.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You messed up,” Daichi says once you’re within a couple feet of him. A frown comes to your lips. “You used your abilities. In front of many people. You could have been caught, Umiko. Do you not realize that?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I do.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then what were you thinking? Have you grown to be that careless?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You don’t answer the man; instead, you turn away from him to squeeze your eyes shut and try to reign in the anger that bubbles in your gut. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Do you wish to be caught? Should the military take you back and use you as a siphon? Why be careless now, Umiko? For what? For lives that don’t matter?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You spin on your heel and kick up some of the black water. It smacks Daichi across the eyes. He flinches away from the attack but doesn’t make much of an effort to block it. He wipes the water away from his face.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A moment later, you find yourself flat on your back in the water. Daichi hasn’t budged an inch, and you know that he’s using his own powers to attack you. You pull yourself up, clothes weighed down by the water, and lunge towards Daichi. He doesn’t even lift a finger to send you crashing to the water again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You are careless and juvenile. Too much is slipping through, and you are allowing it. You must hide your markings. You will be caught if you don’t. You are already dangerously close to exposing yourself. Whether you want to face it or not, there is a Siren nearby. You must acknowledge it and guard yourself properly against him.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Busy?”</p><p> </p><p>The voice drags you out of the reverie, and you lurch forward as you pull yourself out of the dreamscape. You blink at the scene before you, the black landscape of space looming before you without end. You hadn’t even realized that you let yourself slip into the dreamscape while awake. The man who spoke comes up on your right.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re up!” You exhale, surprise in your tone as you look at the man who smiles like a Cheshire back at you. You haven’t seen him since Yunho carried his scarily limp body off the transport ship. It’s a vague memory, especially since your body was still overrun by the adrenaline in your system. You do remember trying to follow Yunho only to be stopped by Jongho. The Berserker had told you to head back to your room and get some rest while Yunho worked his magic, and you had no choice but to do just that.</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, none the worse for wear,” San laughs out. He scratches at the back of his neck. “Slept for three days straight though. I’m mildly impressed with myself. Almost pulled a you there.” He sends a cheeky wink your way. You scoff at his remark, reaching over to punch his bicep. “Ouch! Hey! Go easy on the goods. I’m still fragile.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, quit whining. If you have enough energy to make fun of me, I can hit you.” You roll your eyes before looking back out into space. “What was Yunho’s verdict?”</p><p> </p><p>“Overexertion,” San answers with a sigh. “Using my powers too much in a short period of time. I’m good to move around but I should avoid things that could be taxing. Which means no sex.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you poor thing.” Your elbow finds San’s side as you utter the half-hearted reply. He whines at the impact. “Don’t complain too much or you’ll overexert yourself again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, <em>ouch</em>. I am physically hurt by your words. I cannot believe you would turn your back on me like this when I’m having such a rough time. The ultimate betrayal truly.” San places his hand over his chest, grasping the material of his shirt as he pretends to double over in pain. You award him with a slight glare. It’s enough to cause him to relent and stand up straight, looking out the window as you do.</p><p> </p><p>You’re on the bridge for once. You try to make a point of avoiding the bridge simply because you don’t want to run into Hongjoong, and the captain spends all of his time here so it’s hard to avoid someone like that. You don’t have a choice today; Seonghwa asked that you come to the bridge first thing because Hongjoong wanted to see you. Of course, Hongjoong had to be busy with something right when you came to the bridge, thus here you are now waiting for said man to just hurry the fuck up and get this over with.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate space with a passion,” you mutter after a few moments of just looking out into the vast emptiness.</p><p> </p><p>“You picked a bad line of work then.” You release a laugh, bringing your arms up to cross over your chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I did.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you hate space so much?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s too big. Empty but at the same time full. So many unknowns out there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, there are a lot of knowns as well,” San argues. “It isn’t all bad, is it? There’s a lot of beauty to space, even if you can’t always see it. Like an oyster or a geode. You can’t see the beauty on the outside, but the deeper you go, the more beauty you see. No?”</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose you’re right,” you mutter. You drag your tongue over the front of your teeth, saying nothing more, but San doesn’t seem too bothered.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a bit ironic for you to hate space yet spend so much time in it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t have much of a choice. Didn’t have any choice at all really.”</p><p> </p><p>San laughs in response to your comment even though nothing about what you said is amusing in the slightest.</p><p> </p><p>“I understand that feeling all too well.”</p><p> </p><p>You neglect to reply. Something about his words and the tone lingering in them reminds you of what Yeosang had mentioned during the mission.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“San chose what he is, and he chose to be a weapon. He chose what he is on the crew for one very clear reason. It’s all because that’s how San views himself.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>You want to pry and ask San about it yourself, hear it come from his lips and not Yeosang’s, but you hesitate for too long. A door slides open behind the two of you, and you glance over your shoulder to see Seonghwa stepping out of the captain’s cabin.</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong is ready to see you both,” he says in a flat tone. You turn to San unaware that he would be joining you in meeting with Hongjoong. It makes you feel mildly better about this situation because at least you won’t be alone with Hongjoong and Seonghwa. “Follow me.” Seonghwa leads the way back into Hongjoong’s room. You follow first, San close on your heels.</p><p> </p><p>The platinum-haired captain is the first thing you see when you enter the room. Then, a large desk covered in papers left and right. Some are maps, others seem like trade agreements, news articles, everything you can think of is splayed before him on the wooden desk. He lifts his head as Seonghwa brings you and San in.</p><p> </p><p>“Did Mingi and Yeosang conclude the trade deals for the cargo yet?” Hongjoong asks, obviously talking to Seonghwa rather than you or San.</p><p> </p><p>“They are still in the midst of collecting signatures and papers.”</p><p> </p><p>As your gaze darts around the cabin, you notice how similar the structure of the room is to the other ship you were aboard not too long ago. You remember the missing bundle of papers all of a sudden, recalling that you misplaced them sometime after being brought to Yunho.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I should drop by and see if he has them. If he didn’t just give them to Hongjoong or Seonghwa already. Would he do that? I don’t have enough reasons to trust that he wouldn’t. Fuck, I should have never gotten caught. Shouldn’t have gotten shot in the first place either. Fucking careless and sloppy.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, good. The two of you are here.” Hongjoong sighs and drops the papers in his hand as he sees you and San step out from behind Seonghwa’s back.</p><p> </p><p>You shift your weight from foot to foot. A sudden wave of anxiety washes over you. San seems to be in the same predicament; he picks at the skin around his fingernails while looking at the floor. Something about the way the two of you are lined up before Hongjoong makes you feel like a child again, being lectured by your teacher for misbehaving in class. Except this time, it’s far different than that. You stand before a dangerous criminal and pirate who could kill you in the blink of an eye should he not like your response to whatever he asks.</p><p> </p><p>“San. What happened on the mission?”</p><p> </p><p>San lifts his chin to look over at the captain, eyes gaining a bit more confidence as he begins to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“I failed to keep my emotions in check and let Yeosang’s words get in my head.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you talk to Yunho about it?”</p><p> </p><p>“He tried to help but there wasn’t much he could say or do to help.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yunho isn’t a miracle worker,” Seonghwa cuts in, moving to the side of Hongjoong’s desk. He folds his arms behind his back and stands straight as can be. “He can fix the physical but not the mental.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m well aware of that, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong mutters back without looking at the Lieutenant. “However, Yunho is more in tune with his emotions than the others. People like that know how to talk to people. San, what is your opinion on the mission and the outcome of it?”</p><p> </p><p>San purses his lips, looking down at the floor now. He takes a deep breath before beginning to talk again, this time in a much quieter tone.</p><p> </p><p>“My own emotions were the cause for the failure of the mission. I should have stayed focused, and it is my fault that the outcome turned out the way it did. There is no one else to blame for it, and I fully acknowledge that. So, I apologize to both you and Lieutenant, Captain.” San pauses and turns to you now, eyes full of regret as he looks at you. “I’m sorry to you as well for my behavior and causing the mission to be a failure due to my actions.”</p><p> </p><p>You open your mouth to respond, to tell him that there’s no need to apologize, just to reassure him maybe. You don’t get the chance to say anything though, because Hongjoong cuts in with another question.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened after the mission?”</p><p> </p><p>“I expended too much stamina using my powers and because of that, I overexerted myself. Passed out from the exhaustion.”</p><p> </p><p>“And why do you consider the mission to be a failure?”</p><p> </p><p>“It was supposed to be a covert mission. Get in and get out without being seen or heard.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you get what I wanted?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Captain.”</p><p> </p><p>“What did the military on Medra have to report about the situation?”</p><p> </p><p>San looks a bit startled by the question, jaw stuttering as he fumbles to come up with a response. Seonghwa pulls a tablet off Hongjoong’s desk and scrolls around on it for a bit before answering Hongjoong’s question.</p><p> </p><p>“Medra reported a single dangerous criminal, highly trained and dangerous. One who was able to dispatch a unit of soldiers with ease, but one and only one criminal. Used a sniper rifle, pistol, and a knife to kill the soldiers.”</p><p> </p><p>You listen on with a growing pit in your stomach. The more Seonghwa speaks, the more the report sounds like it is you who Medra reported. And if Medra reported you and your identity, then Hongjoong could get rid of you in the blink of an eye. You wouldn’t even get the chance to find your damn papers.</p><p> </p><p>“That one criminal being Levi Tatsumaki, who has already been detained, brought into custody, and sentenced to death for larceny and murder.”</p><p> </p><p>You nearly exhale a sigh of relief. Hongjoong grins at you and San.</p><p> </p><p>“The mission went fine. Yes, your actions got you caught. However, you got the job done and removed a competitor in the process.”</p><p> </p><p>You glance over at San, and his lips are curling down into a scowl. He doesn’t seem pleased in the slightest with Hongjoong’s words. Part of you thinks that he was hoping for Hongjoong to tear him down and ridicule him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m proud of you, San,” Hongjoong says. There is an uncharacteristic gentleness in Hongjoong’s tone. The cruel and almost evil exterior seems to melt away, revealing genuine concern for San’s wellbeing. “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. If I were upset with your behavior and how you handled the situation, we would not be having this conversation. You are well aware of that.”</p><p> </p><p>San nods along with Hongjoong’s words but doesn’t provide any further comment. The captain watches him in silence for a few moments before speaking again.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re dismissed, San.”</p><p> </p><p>The Spectre turns around without any hesitation, following the order with haste, and you opt to watch him walk out until the door slides shut behind his retreating figure.</p><p> </p><p>“Now for you,” Hongjoong says. The warmth he had in his tone with San dissipates, leaving it cold and harsh again. “What is your opinion of the mission?”</p><p> </p><p>“It was just fine,” you say as you attempt to keep your tone flat. “I’m not sure what you want to hear from me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you disobey Yeosang’s orders?”</p><p> </p><p>“I saw an opportunity and took it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” Hongjoong presses further. You tilt your head to the side ever so slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“It was an opportunity. Nothing more,” you reiterate.</p><p> </p><p>“People don’t consider things to be an opportunity unless they see a good outcome to it,” Hongjoong says. He pushes back from his desk and stands up. In a few quick strides, he wraps around the wood and comes to a halt in front of it. Arms come to rest over his chest, and he leans against the lip of the desk while staring at you. “So what was the good outcome you saw in it?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure what you mean.” You shake your head. “There was nothing to it. I just took the chance.”</p><p> </p><p>“What did you think would happen after you took that chance?”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking about that. My… my first instinct was to shoot and kill. That’s what I did.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wonder if that’s what you did with the king as well?” Hongjoong’s tone trails off into inquiry, and he mirrors the tilt of your chin. “But it can’t have been. Nobody ever just takes those chances. They see something in them. I think I have you figured out, Y/N L/N. Even if you don’t want to admit it outright, your first instinct was to protect. You heard that San was in danger, you felt the need to protect him, and you felt the need to repay him for what he did to save you initially. Thus, you wanted to save him. Removing the obstacles in your way was the first step: Yeosang’s orders, the physical distance, the soldiers in your path. You may not want to hear it or admit it, but that is the reason for your actions.”</p><p> </p><p>The man smirks at you as he finishes his crude analysis of your behavior. You straighten your head again, glaring at him with such intensity that Seonghwa takes a step in your direction. Hongjoong lifts a hand to stop him though. He nods his head ever so slightly in your direction as though prompting you to speak your mind.</p><p> </p><p>“You shouldn’t act like you know me because you <em>don’t,</em>” you spit out with vehemence to your tone. “You don’t know anything about me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re wrong.” Hongjoong drops his chin as he chuckles. “I know one thing for certain. You are not an Elitist.”</p><p> </p><p>The words cause you to freeze immediately. You feel all color leave your cheeks as your heart plummets, and you think that Daichi was right all along. Your attempts to stay calm and collected go out the window at Hongjoong’s accusation.</p><p> </p><p>“You have a clever method of concealing yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>You bite down so hard on your tongue that it draws blood.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not exactly sure what you are yet,” Hongjoong says as he brings his chin back up. The words bring immediate relief to your racing heart, and you try not to place a hand over your chest. “For certain, you are not an Elitist.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you think that?” You ask in as stable a tone as you can manage.</p><p> </p><p>“I have studied Elitists in the past, and I am one myself. I should know how my own kind behaves by now. They make decisions with their head and only their head. Follow orders they deem fair and necessary. They do not act on impulse and are calm and calculating. You seem to make decisions with your heart, act on impulse, lack a sense of calm, and do not follow orders.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s false logic. Every single person here is a criminal. Yeosang is a traitor, albeit a loyal one, but still branded a traitor nonetheless. Which one of you has ever followed orders in the past?”</p><p> </p><p>“I specified fair and necessary orders. If you were truly an Elitist, you would’ve seen Yeosang’s reasoning in asking you to stay on the cliffside. If you were only thinking with logic, you would’ve followed his orders. However, you deemed it unimportant because you saw that you had an opportunity to repay a debt. That is all beside the point though. The real reason I wanted you here is because I need to know what you want to be on the crew. You have the same choice that every other person on this crew has had.”</p><p> </p><p>“According to the military, I am a weapon. Don’t you view me in the same light?”</p><p> </p><p>“This isn’t the military, Y/N. You have a choice.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want one. Decide what you need me to do yourself. You obviously view me as a tool to be used, and I am willing to be that weapon until you don’t see any further use for me. Or you can dump me out the airlock now. Or leave me on some planet. Pick your poison.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you are so willing to chuck your life away without a care, why didn’t you just turn yourself in?” Hongjoong asks all of a sudden. “Yeosang mentioned that you told him you have no more goals in life. Either you’re lying to cover for something or you truly don’t care about your life. What’s your game? You could’ve been dead and gone already.”</p><p> </p><p>“That would’ve made me a martyr. That’s not how I want to be remembered. That’s not what I wanted.”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you want to be remembered then?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to be remembered at all,” you utter. Your tone falls to a hush without you intending for it to, and Hongjoong’s gaze almost softens as he glares at you.</p><p> </p><p>“So you’re running then. Interesting.” He pushes off the desk and drops his arms to his side. You blink at him with question in your eyes. “Very well then. I will have you be a weapon for me if that is how you wish to be treated. You’re dismissed.”</p><p> </p><p>You offer a nod in response before turning around to head out of the office. Neither Seonghwa or Hongjoong say anything else. The door slides shut behind you. You hesitate there for a moment, mulling over what Hongjoong said to you before making your way to the med bay.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I have to get those papers and get out of here as soon as possible. It’s only going to get more dangerous as time goes on, and I can’t risk any of these people figuring out more than they already know.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Your knuckles rap against the cold metal of the med bay door. You have fingerprint access to the room, but it still feels awkward barging into rooms left and right without warning.</p><p> </p><p>“Come in!” Yunho’s warm voice welcomes you in, and you tap at the keypad before stepping into the cool interior of the med bay. “Oh! Y/N, I’m glad to see you.”</p><p> </p><p>He grins from ear to ear as he sees who you are. You return the gesture with a small smile of your own but can’t keep your eyes from darting around the room to see if you can find any sign of your papers.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m really happy to see you up and moving alright. I heard you still managed to handle things with relative ease during your mission.”</p><p> </p><p>“I did, yea. B-But that’s not why I’m here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, of course! Do you need a checkup on your arm? I think those stitches should be ready to come out by now.”</p><p> </p><p>It isn’t the reason for your visit at all, but you’ll go along with it for now. At least until you find what you’re looking for, that is. You seat yourself on the edge of one of the white beds and hold out your arm for Yunho. He takes hold of your wrist, pushing your sleeve up with a gentle touch that causes goosebumps to ghost over your skin. He tugs at the white gauze around your healing wound until it comes completely loose.</p><p> </p><p>“Look at that. Ready to come out as I thought. Do you want me to go ahead and take them out? You can let them dissolve over time if you’d rather.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no. It’s okay, go ahead!” You motion towards your arm. As Yunho turns around and searches for some supplies, you blink around the room with a darting gaze. Even when he returns to you and starts pulling the stitches loose, you continue to look around.</p><p> </p><p>“Is everything alright?” Yunho asks after a moment. You bring your gaze back to him. His lips are pressed into a delicate frown, and there’s a gleam of concern in his dark eyes. You push it aside with a small grin.</p><p> </p><p>“I just can’t watch you pull them out. Makes me queasy.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can make some small talk if you’d like?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure…” Your disinterest shows in your tone, however, and Yunho gives up on the attempts to talk with you. He pulls back from your arm.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re free to go. Just don’t go picking at that wound anymore. I don’t wanna have to stick you with more needles.” Yunho winks as he looks at you out the corner of his eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait!” You call out when he turns away from the bed. Yunho glances back at you, expectancy in his expression. “Did you – um, did you find anything on me when I first came in? With San, I mean? No, on me. But when I came in with San.”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho tilts his head a bit and frowns at the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think so?”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you certain?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t remember seeing anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing at all?” You continue to pry. Disbelief crawls into your tone. “A bundle of papers maybe? Tied around the middle?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Y/N. Honestly and truly.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure you just aren’t remembering wrong? Or lying to me? Those papers are really important to me. Did you give them to Hongjoong?” Yunho’s jaw stutters at your accusations, and he releases a huff of air.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t doubt that they’re important, Y/N. Really I don’t. But I just do not know what you’re talking about. I saw nothing on you when you came in. And if it was something that belonged to you, I wouldn’t take it or give it to Hongjoong. I’m not that kind of person. I thought I’ve made that moderately clear by now, but maybe I haven’t. Whatever was on you wasn’t my main focus. It was treating your wound. I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>If you were in a clearer state of mind, you would not get so blindly upset with him like you are now. However, you aren’t thinking straight and all your brain can think about is the possibility of Hongjoong having ownership of those papers. Without a name to them, anyone can claim them, and it isn’t your intention to let the most notorious criminal in the universe have free pardon papers. You push up from the med bed and exit without saying anything else to Yunho. You’re certain that regret will bubble in your gut later, but right now all you can think about is going straight to your room and figuring out a plan of action in private.</p><p> </p><p>You tap furiously at the keypad outside your door in your haste. It slides open with a whoosh. You aren’t expecting to find anything inside except for an empty room, let alone someone sitting on the edge of your bed. But there San is on the edge of your bed with a trembling knee and picking at the skin around his fingernails. When you step inside, he all but jumps to his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry for intruding!” He says immediately before you can ask why he’s here.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you need something?” You inquire, letting the door slide shut behind you. The lights flicker on when you hit the switch, San almost invisible in the darkness. He opens and shuts his mouth a few times. No words leave him for a moment, then he reaches into his jacket and pulls something out. You lunge forward to snatch the item from his hand before you can think twice. It’s your bundle of papers. The full pardon back in your hands. A laugh of disbelief escapes your lungs.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m sorry for taking them,” San says as you look over the bundle. “I should’ve have taken them, and I know that. I was just worried that Hongjoong or Seonghwa would find them. Or worse, Yeosang. They must be important to you for you to have gotten shot for them so I… I tried my best to hide them. I wanted to give them back to you sooner but things just kept happening and I couldn’t get a moment alone with you without someone stopping me. The timing never worked out right, I guess. But I wanted to get them back to you now.”</p><p> </p><p>You drag your thumb over the front of the papers.</p><p> </p><p>“These are my ticket to freedom,” you mutter.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re pardon papers, aren’t they?” San asks, standing across from you. “Meant for you, I take it? I-Is – do you – do you want to return to the military then?”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely not,” you deny in a heartbeat. Pulling your eyes up to meet San’s, you can’t keep a smile from overtaking your lips.</p><p> </p><p>“O-Oh. I just – sorry, I just assumed that you want to be pardoned. Um… they – no, nevermind. It’s not important.” San shakes his head. The beginnings of a blush are crawling up his neck and cheeks. Without thinking twice, you reach forward and pull San into a tight hug. You squeeze him against your body, arms folded around his neck. The action catches San off guard for certain, and he flails a little before hugging you back albeit with a lot more hesitation. “You seem really happy,” he says against your ear. You unravel your arms from San and step back to look down at the bundle once more.</p><p> </p><p>“They aren’t for me actually,” you admit. “They’re for someone important and special to me. I finally get to free him.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a lot of effort for one person,” San murmurs through a melancholy smile.</p><p> </p><p>“This one person is worth ten thousand. He’s worth any amount of effort in the universe. Thank you, San. I-I – you didn’t have to do that but you did.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing. Don’t think too hard about it.” San heaves a deep sigh. “I’m just glad I could help in some way.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you’ve helped me more than once now. I’m… I didn’t expect that from anyone aboard this ship.” San’s embarrassment melts away at your words. That cheeky smile returns to his lips, and he teases the corner of his mouth with his tongue.</p><p> </p><p>“You could repay me then,” he suggests, sending a teasing wink your way. You blink back in confusion. “A kiss maybe?” You immediately roll your eyes at his remark, swinging an arm at his. He whines when you hit him, falling back as though you hit him with an insane amount of force. You steady him with the same arm and dip in before he can recover. You brush your lips over his cheek. He freezes under your touch within an instant. Red soars up his neck and cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“There. Maybe next time you can get one on the lips.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>here we are at the end of act one!!! one down, fourteen to go 🤡 but anyways! what did you think of the conclusion to this arc? what’s been your fav part so far? your fav character? just tell me anything and everything! i love seeing your feedback and interaction with this story and i’m so excited to share more of it with you guys!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Act One - Part 0.5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>note: all interim chapters are optional to read and you do not have to read them if you don’t want to. it is advised that you read the interim chapters after completing all the chapters in the act rather than reading them based off number order. they are based around the relationships between the crew and interactions they share. They are indicated with [x.5], x being the number of the part that came before it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Bullshit! You’re a liar and a cheat!” San cries out, slamming his hand of cards down against the metal table. The others around him cackle at his reaction while the man on the receiving end of San’s fuming words lifts his chin higher.</p><p> </p><p>“I said straight flush! Is that not what this is?” Jongho laughs in response. He waves his bundle of cards before San’s eyes in attempts to mock him, and San smacks his hand away with a huff.</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong watches on from a distance, standing at the threshold of the mess hall and watching his crew interact with amusement dancing across his features. Mingi stands at his side and watches on as well, although Hongjoong knows the man doesn’t understand the humor behind the scene all too well. It’s not often that they have nights like these. Most are spent in the chaos of a new lead or recovery from a tough mission. His crew has earned the break though, and they’ll need it for what’s to come. Hongjoong knows that. It doesn’t mean he’ll partake in the festivities himself though. He would rather watch on from a distance, Mingi’s cold presence at his side. It’s what he’s used to.</p><p> </p><p>“Have I mentioned how much I hate this damn game?” San grumbles. He slumps forward and shoulders drop in defeat.</p><p> </p><p>“Only every single fucking time we play.” Yunho’s elbow digs into San’s side, teasing the younger man further.</p><p> </p><p>“Then we should get a different game, for fuck’s sake!”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not our fault that you’re bad at poker, San.” It’s Yeosang who cuts in this time. He shakes his head ever so slightly as he pushes his own cards onto the table, struggling a bit thanks to Wooyoung’s proximity at his side. “Or that Jongho seems to have a ridiculous aptitude for the game.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re one to talk, shithead! As I recall, you lose every single time we play too!” San pushes up from his seat. His elbow nearly knocks Seonghwa in the eye as he moves, and the lieutenant has to dodge to the side before he gets clocked. San points an accusing finger at Yeosang’s blank expression; the blonde-haired Elitist just blinks back with little to no interest.</p><p> </p><p>“The difference being I don’t throw a tantrum when I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“A tantrum? Oh, you’re in for it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Now, now!” Seonghwa presses a hand to San’s arm in attempts to placate the man. “This is why we can’t have game nights. You two always end up bickering an–”</p><p> </p><p>“Because he’s a self-righteous asshole!”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the only person causing issues right now, San. Before you go pointing fingers, maybe you should check the mirror.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong shouldn’t laugh at the exchange of words, but he can’t help but release a small chuckle as he listens on. Mingi’s gaze shifts to him; he feels the heat of the Berserker’s stare on his head, but he neglects to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“Should I step in, Captain?” Mingi asks when Hongjoong doesn’t say anything.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no. Seonghwa has it handled. Besides, they aren’t being serious.” Hongjoong lifts a hand only to wave it through the air twice and drop it back to his side.</p><p> </p><p>“Understood, sir.” Mingi’s form goes rigid again. He stands just behind Hongjoong like a statue, and if the captain didn’t understand him better he would ask what the hell he’s doing. It’s Mingi though, and there are many mysteries in his behavior. Hongjoong has merely learned what is okay and what isn’t. That’s all he needs.</p><p> </p><p>A sigh passes through his lips. He’s zoned out and missed parts of the exchange before him, but it seems to still be meaningless bickering rather than anything serious.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re dismissed for the night, Mingi.”</p><p> </p><p>“C-Captain?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve got some paperwork to take care of. You can head to bed or ask to join a few games.” Hongjoong turns on his heel to leave the mess hall, and Mingi mimics his movements. His jaw stutters as he watches his captain move. “That’s meant to be an order, Mingi.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong hates to pull that card on the man. He wouldn’t do it if he had any other choice though. Mingi simply cannot function without hearing orders spew in his direction. <em> A work in progress, it’s just a work in progress </em>. Hongjoong has to remind himself of that fact on the daily almost.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight, Mingi.”</p><p> </p><p>“G-Goodnight, Captain.”</p><p> </p><p>He still hasn’t managed to get the Berserker to use his first name though. That’s something he’s not sure he can do. At least it doesn’t stop him from trying.</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I, right. Yes. Hongjoong.” Mingi nods, and Hongjoong watches the man with careful eyes. He sends a smile his way, which Mingi does not return, then steps away from the mess hall without listening to the rest of the chaos going on in there. </p><p> </p><p>He should enjoy these moments of silence. They are hard to come by, few and far between, but even so, Hongjoong can’t help but feel lonely. It’s silly and childish – he is well aware of that – yet he wishes he could just let go and be carefree like the rest of the crew. </p><p> </p><p>He walks on in silence, eyes trained on the floor, and reaches the bridge in no time. It’s quiet and empty when he gets there. Nothing like how things used to be. Crewmates used to be everywhere at any given time. Some here, some there. There was hardly ever a time when Hongjoong could find some peace and quiet on the damn ship. Now it seems like that’s all he ever gets. </p><p> </p><p>According to his wristband, it’s late but when you’re in space, you can never tell the difference. Hongjoong lingers at the starboard window and looks out into the vast expanse before him. It’s bright thanks to the sun at the center of the galaxy, and despite the time, Hongjoong doesn’t feel tired in the slightest.</p><p> </p><p>“You disappeared quickly.” It’s Seonghwa’s voice that resounds behind him. Hongjoong nearly laughs; he’s not surprised at all that the lieutenant left shortly after he did.</p><p> </p><p>“I take it you managed to quell San?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just enough to keep him from socking Yeosang in the throat, yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s good…” Hongjoong trails off. Maybe he’s a bad captain for leaving when he did, maybe he should have stayed and been the one to break up the fight, maybe he’s not doing his job properly. So many maybes in his life and so few certainties. That’s how it’s always been. Of course things are this way. All because of his own choices. The crew fears him – rightfully so – and Hongjoong knows when to use that fear to his advantage. Manipulation, as some would call it. It’s just the way things are.</p><p> </p><p>“Joong.” Seonghwa’s voice is soft and spoken in a quiet tone, but it sounds so loud in Hongjoong’s ears. The lieutenant has stepped closer to him, joining him by the starboard window, but he doesn’t admire the view before him the way Hongjoong does. No, he looks at Hongjoong and Hongjoong only. </p><p> </p><p>“I should’ve stayed to break up the fight myself. Talked San down. That would’ve been a good idea.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, you–”</p><p> </p><p>“Am I a bad captain?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not at all.” Seonghwa responds with haste, no hesitation in his tone, and when Hongjoong glances over at him, the lieutenant bears a serious expression. He knows Seonghwa isn’t lying – all his faults, yet the man couldn’t lie to Hongjoong even if his life depended on it. Sometimes Hongjoong wishes he were the same. “You are a good captain, Hongjoong.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yea… yea, I know that.” The words are spoken without confidence though, and it’s easy to see through the lie. Seonghwa lifts a hesitant hand, resting it on Hongjoong’s shoulder. The touch is feather-light as is the gleam in Seonghwa’s eyes. If Hongjoong blinked he would miss it, but he doesn’t trust himself to decipher the emotion in Seonghwa’s eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“We’re heading to Eros. I think I can–”</p><p> </p><p>“Cut the business talk for one night, Joong. Just… let go a little.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t afford to do that.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can and–”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t afford to do that, Hwa.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, Joong, I know. It won’t happen again.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know that I trust you as my captain. I know that I trust the crew as my crewmates, my brothers in arms. I know that I can rely on you and rely on them. I can say with confidence that it won’t happen again because the people here are more than that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jin was more than that too though.”</p><p> </p><p>“We thought he was.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then we can think the same about everyone here!” Hongjoong protests. He shrugs Seonghwa’s touch away and takes a step back from the man. It’s a sudden burst of anger and frustration, and the emotions roll off his shoulders in waves. Seonghwa’s jaw stutters at Hongjoong’s sudden outburst. He doesn’t say anything for a few moments, just staring back at the man with sad eyes and a sad expression. Hongjoong hates it. He hates it more than anything. The way Seonghwa almost pities him. Pities <em> him </em>. “You trusted Jin too.”</p><p> </p><p>“I did.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I…” </p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa steps towards Hongjoong again, and this time, he grabs the short captain by the shoulders and pulls him against his chest. Hongjoong can barely see over the man’s arms, eye level with his chest. This isn’t like him. He’s not normally so weak. He doesn’t understand what’s going on, why his emotions are in such disarray, why he can’t think straight. Maybe he does need a break. God knows when the last one he had was. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m worried, Hwa,” he admits after a minute in the awkward embrace. Seonghwa’s arms tighten around him.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you are.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m worried about Jongho. He’s so young and – and I wonder if I’m putting him down the wrong path.”</p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“A-And Yunho. I know he doesn’t want to be here, if he could be anywhere else he would, I just know it.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s here because he wants to be.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeosang too. Half the time I think he would go straight back to the military if they would take him. He’s only here for Wooyoung, to protect Wooyoung, to just keep Wooyoung safe. Not because he wants to be.”</p><p> </p><p>“He trusts your judgment more than he lets on, Joong.”</p><p> </p><p>“And fuck… Wooyoung. What am I – how do I even – I fear for Wooyoung so much. I’m scared of becoming like his old masters or hurting him. I-I’m scared of breaking his trust.”</p><p> </p><p>“You do more to protect him and keep him safe than everyone else. Even Yeosang. You won’t hurt him or become like his old masters. You won’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mingi. Oh God, Mingi. I don’t – where do I start with Mingi? I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to him. He needs someone to lead him, guide him, teach him. I can only… order him around because I think it’s what he wants.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re doing your best, Joong. That’s more than enough. Just trying is enough.”</p><p> </p><p>“San.” Hongjoong pauses to gnaw on his lower lip. “I fear the most for San. What am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to help him. I don’t know how to <em> fix </em> him. I need to fix him. I need to help him. I just have to do something.”</p><p> </p><p>“None of us do, Hongjoong. I tried, Yunho tried. You tried harder than both of us combined. You’re still trying. That’s enough. Joong, listen to me: that’s <em> enough </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t feel like it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know it doesn’t but I promise you it is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay…”</p><p> </p><p>“Joong.” Seonghwa pulls back a little to look Hongjoong in the eye. He detects the hesitance and denial in his tone with ease; Seonghwa has always been good at seeing straight through him. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m worried about you,” Hongjoong spits out without thinking. The lieutenant pauses, eyes going wide upon hearing Hongjoong’s words, and he must lose his train of thought because he says nothing more. “Are you here because you want to be? Do you want to leave? Are you happy being Lieutenant? Do you even want to be Lieutenant? Did you want to leave with the rest the first time? Second time? Third? There are so many uncertainties.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m here because I want to be. I don’t want to leave. I am your friend first, and your lieutenant second. Being Lieutenant gives me purpose. Makes me happy. I have never once wanted to leave this ship or this crew. I have never once wanted to leave <em> you </em>, Joong.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m just… tired.” Both Seonghwa and Hongjoong know the meaning behind the words, and he doesn’t need to explain it further for Seonghwa to understand. </p><p> </p><p>“I know. I know, Joong, I know. We’ll rest soon. We’re so close.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yea. Yea, okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know, we never cracked open that bottle of brandy from Aera. Special edition?”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you trying to get me drunk?”</p><p> </p><p>“Trying to get you to let go a little.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll actually keep you from jumping out the airlock for a spacewalk this time.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought we agreed to never talk about that again.”</p><p> </p><p>“It was funny! Especially since we were on the ground. A very nice attempt at a spacewalk. Facefirst on the ground. How did the dirt taste again?”</p><p> </p><p>“Like your ass,” Hongjoong spits out, shoving Seonghwa’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Captain! Are you trying to tell me something? If you wanted–”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut the fuck up, you little shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the little one, Joong. Don’t forget that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t since you’re always here to remind me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Someone has to keep you in check.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hate you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too, Captain.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hwa…”</p><p> </p><p>“Joong… is this some sort of new game?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, shut up. I just wanted to say thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank me after you’ve had two shots and get drunk.”</p><p> </p><p>“I take it back.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>okie dokie hi surprise im back super soon with another extra interim chapter only because I got uber excited to post it and I hope you guys enjoy ;-; this one is all about our lovely captain, a little look into him and his relationship with seonghwa, but the next one will be about yeosang and wooyoung's relationship I think so be on the lookout for that one 👀👀</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Act One - Part 3.5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>note: all interim chapters are optional to read and you do not have to read them if you don’t want to. it is advised that you read the interim chapters after completing all the chapters in the act rather than reading them based off number order. they are based around the relationships between the crew and interactions they share. They are indicated with [x.5], x being the number of the part that came before it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yunho hums as he works, hands coming through the head of hair before him as he rubs dye over each strand with great care. It’s almost therapeutic in a way, but it does nothing to take his mind off the patient who is still unconscious in the med bay. He has no shortage of confidence over his abilities; he fixed your arm up to near perfection, the best he could do given the circumstance, and in a short amount of time as well. That isn’t what bothers him though. You’ve been unconscious for days since the operation. Well, it’s only been two days to be exact, but your fever hasn’t broken yet and that concerns Yunho more than he’d like to admit.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a damn fever. He should know how to cure one within hours, but all the medicines he tried did nothing to curb the fever so he settled for waiting for it to break instead. While he still can’t understand why exactly the medicines didn’t work, it feels too much like a failure. He <em>doesn’t</em> fail. <em>Ever</em>. It’s not even a possibility.</p><p> </p><p>Yunho must be rubbing too vigorously at the head under his hands, because the owner leads forward and twists to look back at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” he says through a small smile. Mingi blinks back at him, eyes wide as ever in wonder and curiosity. Yunho expects the question before he asks it and braces himself for the next words to leave the young Berserker’s mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you feeling right now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Confusion,” Yunho answers, maintaining his grin. Mingi glances away and stares down at the floor for a few moments.</p><p> </p><p>“The aura feels weird.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is it affecting you badly?”</p><p> </p><p>“No… no. I just don’t understand it.” Mingi settles back into the chair comfortably again, and Yunho returns to his methodical motions on his hair. Each blonde strand gets a thick coating of pale brown dye. Yunho watches the dye coat the hair underneath with little interest, barely aware of his hand going over the same piece over and over again. A sigh escapes him. It prompts Mingi to shift again, but before he turns around, Yunho drops a hand to his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Stay put or you’ll make a mess.”</p><p> </p><p>“Could you explain it?”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Hair dye?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no. What has you so conflicted?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah,” Yunho exhales. He hesitates before speaking again, eyes trailing towards the ceiling as he mulls over his next words. “You remember what I told you about feeling concerned, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, somewhat. How when people spend time together, they begin to care for each other. Then if something bad happens to one of them, the other gets worried or anxious about their well-being. Like… uh, how I feel when Hongjoong leaves for a dangerous mission. Thinking that he might get hurt. That’s concern.”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly, yes.” Yunho smiles at the back of Mingi’s head. “Well, sometimes you can be concerned about people you’ve just met.”</p><p> </p><p>“You mean the girl in the med bay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, her. I–”</p><p> </p><p>“How can you be concerned about someone you don’t know? Is that still concern or is it something else? Is there another word for it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hold on, Mingi. I’m going to explain just be patient.” Yunho smacks the side of Mingi’s head, a risky move maybe, but he knows Mingi won’t lash out like he used to. They’ve come a long way since then, nearly six years or maybe more than that. Yunho knows that he is good at many things, but keeping track of time is not one of those things. Despite all that time, it’s still a lengthy and arduous process to help Mingi understand even basic emotions and morals, but at least he shows interest in learning about them. “Since I’m a doctor, I feel a responsibility towards my patients. I know I have the ability to heal them, but there are some things I can’t fix. Sometimes I can’t fix them even using tried and true methods. Even if I don’t know them, I feel a sense of duty to heal them. It’s my job, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why not just put them out of their misery then?”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho purses his lips at the question. It’s one that Mingi asks time and time again, and he shouldn’t be surprised that the man is bringing it up again here and now. Still, he wishes he could get through to the Berserker. As much as he tries to exercise patience with Mingi, he does grow tired of answering the same question over and over again like this.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not right, Mingi. I can’t kill a patient in good conscience, meaning that if they even have a sliver of a chance of surviving then I will take that chance. It’s a risk but one taken with good intentions. My job as a doctor is to save people not kill them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then I’ll kill her. Save you the trouble.” Mingi moves to get out of his seat. Yunho lunges forward, grabbing hold of his shoulder and tugging him back down to the chair again. He releases a small bout of laughter that echoes how nervous Mingi’s hasty actions made him. “Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because even if you deliver the blow, the blame is still on my shoulders.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not what they taught me in the arenas.”</p><p> </p><p>“The arenas… they were different. They bred you to kill without thought or feeling, did they not?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but it was easy.”</p><p> </p><p>“For you, Mingi. They raised you to not feel any emotions and not to think for yourself. But I – that’s not how I was raised, remember?”</p><p> </p><p>Mingi glances back at the healer, eyes wide as ever, and Yunho sighs at the sight of the blankness in his eyes. <em>Of course, he doesn’t remember. </em>Yunho has to remind himself to be a bit more patient; years of patience may not be enough. He hasn’t spent every waking moment of the last six years with Mingi at his side. No, the first three years were spent in a strange limbo where the two neglected to speak to each other one on one. Rather their time was filled with curious glances and passing comments made to a group of people rather than to each other.</p><p> </p><p>If someone asked Yunho to pinpoint the exact moment in which they began speaking to each other, he would not be able to. That time is mostly a blur of faces coming in and out of his life with haste; the only true constants were San and Wooyoung. He frankly didn’t speak much with the other members who still remain on the crew around that time either. He was just a shut-in, to put it simply. Spent all his time in the med bay, rarely even coming out to get food because Wooyoung would always bring it by for him. He and Wooyoung were a lot more similar back then, before Yunho started branching out and being more comfortable with other people. Wooyoung would just spend all his time at Yeosang’s side, hand in his wherever they went, and on the rare occasion that Wooyoung wouldn’t be there, he would be in the med bay with Yunho.</p><p> </p><p>Mingi, on the other hand, was never around much. At least not that Yunho noticed. Hongjoong’s side. That’s the place he saw Mingi the most, and that’s always where he expected him to be. The fact of the matter is that Mingi and Yunho were – still are actually – complete opposites. Yunho would say that about him and San, but at least San has a semblance of emotions. Mingi has always been void of that to a scary degree, which is probably what deterred Yunho from talking to him for so long.</p><p> </p><p>The Berserker was the one to approach him after those three long and awkward years of avoidance. He cornered Yunho in the med bay with those wide and curious eyes. Yunho thought he was going to get annihilated by the man back then, maybe die at his hands without even knowing why but Mingi presented a simple and straight-forward question that had Yunho fumbling for words. Ironically enough, the same question that falls from Mingi’s lips now as Yunho continues to comb through his hair with dye in silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you want to be a good person?”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho hadn’t known what to say back when Mingi first asked him the question, but now that time has passed he thinks he can at least construct a decent answer.</p><p> </p><p>“The arrogance in me would say it’s because I want people to think I’m a good person. Because being perceived as good is better than being perceived as bad. But honestly… I just feel happiness by doing good things and helping people.”</p><p> </p><p>“Happiness…” Mingi echoes to himself. Yunho knows that the man doesn’t quite understand that emotion, and all his attempts to explain it to him have failed drastically.</p><p> </p><p>“It makes me feel warm inside.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why would you want to feel warm inside?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s like the feeling when Hongjoong says he’s proud of you. Or when you’re told that you did a good job. You know that sensation, right?” Mingi nods against Yunho’s touch. Yunho finishes up with the last few strands of pale hair before speaking again. “Well, that’s what I feel when I help someone or do a good thing. That’s why I want to be good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah… okay, yeah, I see. Thank you, Healer.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know to call me Yunho, Mingi.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right. Yunho.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s good enough, I guess. Alright, up. You still wanna do mine?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I think I can manage it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I trust you, Mingi. Think about the things we talked about. Or ask some more questions. It’ll help keep your thoughts from drifting back to those things.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, yeah, I can handle that.” Mingi stands up, barely inching over Yunho, and glances down at the bowl of blue dye that Yunho passes his way. “Blue?”</p><p> </p><p>“Your favorite,” Yunho answers with a small laugh, and he pats Mingi on the cheek as he steps around him to take his place in the wood chair. There is a pause after that. Yunho glances up at Mingi through the mirror before him, eyeing the Berserker carefully. He continues to stare down at the bowl of dye with that familiar blank expression.</p><p> </p><p>“You said happiness felt… warm?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello hello this is the first interim type chapter so far, and i got an overwhelming amount of answers giving me wonderful ideas and questions to be answered, as well as interest in the interim chapters so im excited to do these here and there to break up the tension.</p><p>also remember to check out the survey: http://www.survey-maker.com/Q6JNZUIQ</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Act One - Part 10.5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>note: all interim chapters are optional to read and you do not have to read them if you don’t want to. it is advised that you read the interim chapters after completing all the chapters in the act rather than reading them based off number order. they are based around the relationships between the crew and interactions they share. They are indicated with [x.5], x being the number of the part that came before it.</p>
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<p></p><div class=""><p>“Watch your step,” Seonghwa says as you follow him through tall double doors. Despite his warning, you still manage to catch your foot on the edge of the threshold. You don’t fall to the ground – a miracle honestly – but the embarrassment still causes heat to rise in your cheeks. Seonghwa doesn’t make matters any better by turning to smirk at your clumsy actions out the corner of his eye. “I said watch your step.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I said no,” you bite back through the embarrassment. Seonghwa laughs through his nose, waiting for you to pass him before tapping away at the keypad beside the door. It slides shut, and you glare down at the offending piece of threshold that caused you to stumble.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you gonna shoot it for offending you, princess?”</p><p> </p><p>“Might shoot you for the hell of it, pretty boy.” You shift your glare to the tall Lieutenant, who maintains the cheeky grin on his lips even as you bore daggers into his head with your eyes. “Where are we anyway?”</p><p> </p><p>“This is our training room. Shooting range, punching bags, sparring court.” Seonghwa motions around the room, pointing to each thing as he mentions them, and you follow the line of his fingers.</p><p> </p><p>“And we’re here because…?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so impatient, princess. At least let a man finish before you interrupt.”</p><p> </p><p>“Your mouth wasn’t even open,” you retort through a scoff.</p><p> </p><p>“I was thinking about what to say.”</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t count.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well be quiet so I can <em>explain</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>You purse your lips, tongue darting out to run over the front of your teeth. Seonghwa seems pleased by your silence though, and a satisfied smile covers his lips before he continues to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re here to spar.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, is that your definition of a good time?”</p><p> </p><p>“If we were going by my definition of a good time, we’d be in my room.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I – we-well. Right. Yea. R-Right.” His less than wholesome remark comes out of left field, and you certainly weren’t expecting it in the slightest. You can’t stop yourself from getting flustered. Seonghwa chuckles again, letting his tongue toy at the corner of his lips before he speaks again.</p><p> </p><p>“Sparring, because you need to work on your strength if you wanna use that pretty little trigger arm again. Yunho said physical therapy. Have you been doing it?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been doing stretches and stuff…” You trail off. You avoid Seonghwa’s gaze, but it betrays the fact that you have not actually been doing much to strengthen your arm. For which you blame no one but yourself, because, in all honesty, you would have gone to Yunho sooner if not for the lingering awkwardness of your slight argument not too long ago. Which no one knows about as far as you know, but you certainly aren’t planning on making it table talk.</p><p> </p><p>“Right, mhm, stretches – or lack thereof – aren’t going to cut it.” Seonghwa moves away from you and prompts you to follow him, which you do albeit with no shortage of hesitance. He guides you over to one of the walls, opening a small cabinet to pull out a small roll of white gauze. “Wrap your palms and wrists. We’ll start on the punching bags before I kick your ass.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kick my ass? Those are fighting words, Lieutenant.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess you’ll just have to prove me wrong then, no?” He tosses the roll of gauze over to you, one brow raised high. You catch it with ease but keep your glare on the man as you wrap the material around your palms and wrists. “have you ever done anything like this?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I have. You think they just teach us to shoot in the military?”</p><p> </p><p>“You never know. I was looking forward to teaching you a thing or two though. Damn, maybe we can do that if we ever get to try out my definition of a good time. I’m sure I can teach you a lot of things there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I can’t wait to beat the shit out of you.” You yank the material tight around your wrist, securing it in place before chucking the spool of wrap back at Seonghwa. He catches it with one hand then motions towards where the punching bags hang off to the side with the same hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Quit talking big and go over there.”</p><p> </p><p>You sigh but do as told, and Seonghwa follows behind you. You can hear the tear of the gauze; he must be wrapping his wrists as well, but that’s putting a lot of confidence in your arm being okay enough to spar in the first place. As dramatic as Hongjoong initially made it seem, you haven’t felt too much a difference. Your hand does tremble when holding a pistol in front of you, but close distance isn’t an issue. It’s moreso long-distance that presents an issue, and only with pistols. You aren’t completely sure whether strengthening the muscle will fix that, but it wouldn’t hurt to try anyway. Seonghwa wraps around you, tossing the roll of gauze off to the side, and places a hand on the side of the tattered brown punching bag.</p><p> </p><p>“Just give it a few swings and stuff to warm up. If you’re feeling okay afterward, we can try sparring one on one. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Understood,” you mutter back. Seonghwa clicks his tongue against the roof then steps away from the bag. You wait for him to get out of the way, finding his own bag. He starts to lay into it with jabs and punches. For a moment you just stand there and watch him hit the bag, but he hesitates when he doesn’t hear any sound coming from your side of the room. You whip your head back to the bag in front of you, settling into a stance you remember well from your time in the military.</p><p> </p><p>This was always the most simple lesson for new recruits, and it was all based around strength. You were quite honestly a runt when you first became a recruit, however, and you had little to no strength. Sure, part of that could be blamed upon how you grew up and where, but it put you at a major disadvantage compared to your fellow recruits. That did make you the target of your generals for a time, and you were forced to go through extra training to just be on par with the other members of your unit, but the second they put a sniper in your hands, the balance shifted in your favor.</p><p> </p><p>You still remember your old lessons quite well; although that’s a bit surprising since it’s been so many years since you first took them. The punching bag is rough under your knuckles as you knock against it. There isn’t much strain on your right arm, but the longer you use it, the more it burns. Not necessarily in a painful type of way, but rather just a tired ache in your muscles – a surefire sign that your muscles did indeed take a bigger hit than you initially thought they did.</p><p> </p><p>Several minutes pass just like that; you and Seonghwa on opposite sides of the room, each hitting your own punching bag with force and dexterity. He’s the first one to pull back, sweat beading his hairline and causing the dark strands of hair to stick against his forehead. His chest heaves as he walks over to your side, hands pressed against his hips, and you notice that he’s pushed his sleeves up over his shoulders and revealed toned muscles that could definitely beat your ass handily.</p><p> </p><p>You stop your movements as he gets closer and steady the bag with your left hand to look him in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes?” You inquire when he doesn’t say anything right away.</p><p> </p><p>“How’s your arm feeling?”</p><p> </p><p>“No pain,” you answer with a small shrug of your shoulders. “Muscles are just a bit underused and tired.”</p><p> </p><p>“You should be fine for some sparring then?”</p><p> </p><p>It takes a second for you to process the statement as a question, and when it finally does, you nod with haste.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s do it, pretty boy.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa throws his head back as a laugh tears through his chest. He brings a hand to his hair, combing through the damp locks, and you follow him onto a thick mat. You backtrack immediately though to slip your shoes off and leave them at the edge of the mat, whereas Seonghwa just kicks his off on the mat and moves them with his hands. The two of you face each other in silence.</p><p> </p><p>The gleam in Seonghwa’s eyes remains playful even as he secures the sleeves of his shirt further on his shoulders. You mimic the action and fold the sleeves of your basic white tee up like his.</p><p> </p><p>“Two of three. Whoever gets knocked on their ass twice loses. Has to stay down for five seconds for it to count. How does that sound?”</p><p> </p><p>“Easy enough,” you answer, smile stretching but you hide your teeth behind the line of your lips.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go easy on you since you’re at a disadvantage, princess.” Seonghwa slides his feet apart slightly and falls into an offensive stance. You mirror his movements but step into a more defensive one. The second lesson they taught you in the military was to watch your enemy for patterns or nuances that would indicate weaknesses. Seonghwa is leaning all his weight on his front foot – the left one – which means he’s going to go for an attack first, then pull that weight back onto his right one. You push back on your right foot, shifting the weight back to be opposite his stance.</p><p> </p><p>“I can handle you, pretty boy,” you taunt, tongue darting out to drag over your top lip.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa’s left foot slides in, and you flit your gaze up to his face as he moves. The attack is easy to dodge, his movements readable and basic. You make a jab for the inside of his ribcage, he snaps his hand down against yours and catches your wrist with the same amount of ease. You twist your hand in his grip, slipping loose before he can toss you to the ground. Your gaze pulls off his feet to watch the shifts of his arms instead. As he moves left, you move right, and thus the two of you engage in a small dance.</p><p> </p><p>He attacks next, staying on the offensive side of things. Feet skid across the mat as he lunges forward, but he turns at the last second and secures a hand at your hip. He fights to grab your leg, but you greet him with a sharp elbow to the shoulder. He stumbles back and lets your hip loose. You shuffle back a few steps. Eventually, you’ll have to shift over to the offensive side but Seonghwa won’t let up. He hits you with two consecutive attacks – one jab for your right shoulder, and as you are leaning away from him, he brings his right leg up to hook around your left knee. You don’t even have time to blink before he sends you down to the mat, hitting with enough force to take all the air out of your lungs. Seonghwa comes down with you, knee pressed against the inside of your hip to keep you to the ground. What follows is the longest five seconds of your life, and even as you try to tug out of his grasp, his weight proves too much for you to fight against.</p><p> </p><p>“Five seconds, princess,” Seonghwa taunts as he pulls himself back to his feet once the time elapses. “One point to me then.”</p><p> </p><p>He extends a hand to you, and you take it begrudgingly. He tugs you to your feet. The two of you fall back into your stances without missing a beat. Seonghwa’s eyes dance with playful exuberance as his stance falls to a defensive one. It seems that he wants you to be on the offensive side first this time, but you don’t take the allowance as a compliment. You’re certain that he could flip things back to the offensive side without much effort, so you opt not to go into an attacking stance quite yet. You keep your weight shifting from foot to foot.</p><p> </p><p>You and Seonghwa resume your aggressive dance, exchanging blow after blow but not managing to send each other down quite yet. Whilst you manage to deliver several hits and they land nicely, it’s not enough to cast Seonghwa off his balance. However, now that you know a few of his tricks from the first round and watching his steps, you manage to dart around his attacks with haste. You are lighter on your feet than he is, although he’s still quite nimble and that surprises you for a man of his height.</p><p> </p><p>An opening arises when he leans forward with his left foot. His right comes off the ground for a split second but it’s an opening nonetheless and you slip your foot under his before he brings it back to the ground. The surprise of hitting your foot rather than the mat causes Seonghwa to jerk upwards again. As his leg lifts you use all your force to ram your left shoulder into his chest. He stumbles back, balance quickly diminishing, and you sweep your leg in a circle to catch his and fully bring him to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes go wide as he falls to the ground, and he almost seems to move in slow motion. You smirk as he hits the mat, an ‘oof’ escaping him, and you press one knee to the middle of his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Checkmate.” You know he’s more than strong enough to overpower you and flip the position with ease, but Seonghwa just lies back and smiles up at you with fire in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Good move, princess. That’s five seconds.”</p><p> </p><p>“You practically gave that one to me,” you huff as you stand back up straight. You extend an arm to Seonghwa the way he did to you, and he lets you pull him up.</p><p> </p><p>“Then I’ll make sure not to go easy on you this time.” Seonghwa chuckles to himself as he falls back into a fighting stance. You match him this time, knowing that you don’t have any room for error now that the score is one to one. Neither of you are directly offensive or defensive this time. Seonghwa’s posture is relaxed and confident, he doesn’t bend as low this time, and the gleam in his eyes reads arrogance. He’s certain that he will win this round as well, but you’re determined to at least give him hell before he takes you down.</p><p> </p><p>You attack first this time, a swift jab to his outer hip, and Seonghwa closes your hand against his side by slamming his arm down on top of yours. He traps your wrist between his hip and forearm. You push your weight up against him, head connecting with his shoulder. This time, Seonghwa manages to keep you pinned though. He slips a leg between yours, hooking his foot around your ankle. The action nearly sends you spiraling to the ground but you spring your wrist loose at the last second and roll out of the way before he can pin you down.</p><p> </p><p>You exhale a huff of laughter as you look up at Seonghwa. One of his sleeves has fallen back to its original place, but the other maintains its spot rather well. His hair remains pressed flat again his forehead, even more damp than before, and his chest heaves from the further exertion. You’re sure you look to be in a similar state of disarray but you don’t have time to think about it before Seonghwa is attacking you again. The sudden combination of attacks are rough and hard-hitting; he doesn’t even wait for you to get back up to your feet to hit you. You defend yourself as best you can, blocking around half of the attacks comfortably. One of his kicks hits your forearm awkwardly, and you release a small shout of pain at the contact.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa ceases his attacks immediately. Freezes up actually and kneels beside you with eyes suddenly full of concern. In all honesty, it didn’t hurt that bad and you don’t even feel a dull throb coming from where he hit you. You’ve never been a fair player though, and you rub at the skin while hissing through your teeth.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Which arm is it? Let me see,” Seonghwa rants, hands coming to rest atop yours. His balance shifts, and in that moment, you swing forward and flip him onto his back. You pin his wrists on either side of his head, a cocky grin overtaking your lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Still going easy on me?” You taunt. Seonghwa blinks up at you, still a step behind, and when he realizes how you tricked him, his expression settles into a bitter one.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a cheap trick, princess.”</p><p> </p><p>“It still worked on you, didn’t–”</p><p> </p><p>You don’t have time to respond. Seonghwa somehow tugged his wrists out of your grasp while speaking. He swings a leg around your waist and pushes off the ground to alter your positions. All of a sudden, you’re the one laying flat on your back with your wrists pinned to the ground. Seonghwa keeps both of your hands on the mat with only one of his, and you’d be lying if you didn’t admit that the show of strength is mildly impressive. He lifts his other hand to glance down at his wristband. It’s his turn to wear a cocky grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Five seconds, princess.”</p><p> </p><p>“That was cheap.”</p><p> </p><p>“You only had me down for four.” Seonghwa pokes the edge of his mouth with his tongue, eyes taunting you with their playful gleam. “I win. Two of three. Although you put up a better fight than I thought you would.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, what a compliment.” You writhe against Seonghwa’s grip. The awkwardness of the position is beginning to settle in a little, with his legs pressed on either side of your hips and his hand pinning yours above your head. He doesn’t let up though, eyes ever-playful as he stares down at you.</p><p> </p><p>“It was cute when you tried to pin me down.” Seonghwa’s eyes scan your expression. Your face is hot but moreso from embarrassment rather than the physical exertion. Seonghwa’s cheeks are a little flushed, small beads of sweat travel down his temple, and you follow the movement with your eyes. “I wonder…” He trails off without finishing the train of thought then pulls off of you a moment later.</p><p> </p><p>It gives you a chance to exhale a shaky breath you didn’t know you were holding.</p><p> </p><p>“How does your arm feel?”</p><p> </p><p>“Like it’s gonna be sore tomorrow,” you grumble as you pull yourself into a sitting position. “But it doesn’t hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good. Maybe next time you can actually try to beat me.” Seonghwa stands up and tugs at the bands around his arms. He unwinds them while smirking down at you. You glare back.</p><p> </p><p>“Next time?”</p><p> </p><p>“You think I’m going to let you off the hook? That arm isn’t going to fix itself with some ‘stretches’. I’ll put you on your ass every day if I have to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, well, something tells me you’d like to do that regardless.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa quirks a brow at your muttered comment. You don’t miss the way his eyes trail over your body, moving head to toe, then he tilts his head side to side.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t deny that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, you’re despicable.” You stand up and head for the double doors, intent on leaving the training room before he gets you even more flustered.</p><p> </p><p>“Four o’clock tomorrow, Y/N!” Seonghwa calls out after you, a laugh in his tone.</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, yea, whatever, pretty boy.”</p></div></div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: ohohohohoho i smell some sexual tension 👃👃👃👃 JKDFJ this idea came to mind, and some people on the survey were asking about sparring sessions or just daily lives of the crew along with y/n so i decided to break up some of our juicy tension with mORE JUICY TENSION wow at least im consistent sodifjofij i hope you all enjoy this part! it’s quite early in terms of me writing stuff but i couldn’t get this idea out of my head</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Act Two - Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You find yourself, yet again, perched on the bridge of <em> The Horizon </em>, arms crossed over your chest as you look out into the black space before you. Typically it would be void of any occupants; however, that is not the case now. A planet looms before you, vast and emerald green all over. From the distance you’re at, it looks almost uninhabitable but you know that can’t be true seeing as that’s where Hongjoong is steering the ship.</p><p> </p><p>You let your arms fall by your side, and a small sigh escapes your lips. A bit of time has passed since San gave you the papers back, but you can’t tell the exact amount of time thanks to being in space all the time. You sleep when everyone else sleeps, wake up when everyone else wakes up, and generally follow the same routine that they do. You do exercise much more caution than they do as you’re still trying to figure things out. San has made things easier for you, as well as Jongho, those two being the crew members you talk to the most on the ship. Yeosang makes his presence known from time to time – a little <em> too </em> known for your liking considering your last interaction with him involved his hand around your throat – but the blonde sticks to Wooyoung’s side like glue ninety percent of the time so you don’t have to be blessed by his presence often.</p><p> </p><p>Yunho comes in and out of your daily routine in that every time he shows up in your path, you make a sharp turn and head in the opposite direction. It is mostly due to the fact that you can’t fucking apologize to save your own damn life, but also just a lingering awkwardness on your end from all but accusing him of stealing the papers that San delivered to you minutes later. Awkward. <em> Awkward. </em> And that’s what is keeping you from approaching him and even attempting an apology. You keep telling yourself that you <em> will </em>apologize eventually, and you’ll try to make things right, but the timing just doesn’t feel right yet. That’s the reason. Absolutely. It’s not because your ego is getting in the way.</p><p> </p><p>You purse your lips as you think about that situation yet again. It’s a frequent thought for you, especially considering that there is next to nothing to do on this damn ship besides wander around or look out into space like you’re doing now. You don’t understand how they can do this so often. A small part of you is starting to feel that fabled “spaceman’s anxiety” – the sensation of being cooped up with nowhere to go except out into space. It’s very aptly named in the very least, but you wish Hongjoong would just get to Aegos already so you can put your feet on solid ground again.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N.” Speaking of the devil, Hongjoong calls out to you from his place in the pilot’s chair. You turn away from the broad window into space to look at the captain. He doesn’t look back at you; instead, he’s focused on keeping the ship on its steady path to the planet ahead. You walk closer to his slightly elevated chair, taking the empty place beside Seonghwa. You mimic his pose and fold your hands behind your back before answering Hongjoong.</p><p> </p><p>“You called?”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll be landing on Aegos before nightfall. You’ll be coming with us to the capital Echidna. I have a few business inquiries to make with some partners there. You, Seonghwa, and San will all be accompanying me to Echidna; however, you and San will be conducting a separate mission from Seonghwa and myself.” Hongjoong nods in Seonghwa’s direction.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Captain.” The lieutenant bows slightly at the waist before turning to you. “Have you ever been to Aegos, Y/N?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I don’t think I have.”</p><p> </p><p>“Prepare for intense storms. Echidna has a storm guard dome over the city, but Hongjoong will be landing the ship at the docking station. It’s a ways away from the city so we’ll need to ride the train to get to the city. Once we’re there, I’ll arrange some reservations for a hotel for the night, then we will head for a bar called the Jaded Hornet. I’ll tell you and San more once we’re closer to landing, and Hongjoong will conduct a debrief as well. You should go change if you need to and get your gun just in case. We shouldn’t need to kill anyone, but drunk pirates and mercenaries never mix well.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, okay.” You nod along to Seonghwa’s explanation. He offers a small smile in conclusion, and you step away from the captain and lieutenant. You start the short walk to your room without any trouble, but you move slower than usual.</p><p> </p><p>The med bay isn’t far from your room, and you could stop to apologize to Yunho before going to your room. Or after. Either one would work. Still, hesitation fills your body. You have the opportunity to fix things and make them right, but you cannot bring yourself to do it. You know that you’re stubborn to a fault. That’s certainly a large reason for your hesitation because your pride is getting in the way, but something else is holding you back.</p><p> </p><p>You’ve been thinking over things for a while, in all honesty, waiting for an opportunity to get away from the ship and crew. You have what you wanted, you have the papers, you could just leave without any trouble. Now, Hongjoong has presented an opportunity to do just that. If you stop on Aegos for a whole day or more, you would have a chance to escape. You could take the papers and run then. No need to apologize or get attached to anyone. If you just disappeared, you wouldn’t have to worry about Yunho or anyone else. It’s a temptation that entices you for certain.</p><p> </p><p>All of a sudden, you run face-first into what you think is a wall. Just from the sheer size of the thing you hit, it feels like a wall. As you stumble back and fall on your ass though, you realize that it’s not a wall and in fact a person instead. A searing pain spreads across your ass when you hit the floor. In your bewilderment, you look up at the person you ran into and find that you’ve never seen this man in your life.</p><p> </p><p>He’s impossibly tall with broad shoulders spread wide and bears dirty blonde hair that is shaved close on the sides. His hair is long on the top though, a floppy mop over his head, and you almost imagine how soft it would be to the touch. There is heat in his eyes though, a red hue to his irises that betrays what he is. You glance over the Berserker in attempts to figure out who the hell he is and why you haven’t seen him sooner. He returns the gaze with one of his own, but his expression is blank and empty as he looks down at you. You don’t move. The floor isn’t comfortable in the slightest yet this Berserker has you glued to the spot with the empty stare he’s sending your way. You wait, expecting him to reach down and extend a hand to help you up. Still, that stare persists, and he doesn’t move.</p><p> </p><p>You pull yourself together and stand up, unable to look into the Berserker’s eyes as you drag a hand over your now sore tailbone.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I, uh, I’m sorry for ru-unning into you,” you stutter out.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine.” His tone is icy almost, icy in a way that tells you it’s not actually fine. “Watch where you’re going.”</p><p> </p><p>You dare to glance up at his face, finding that same blank expression across his features. It remains steady and even, and that causes your stomach to twist and turn as you look over it. There is something strange about the way he remains so emotionless. You can’t figure it out or read him in the slightest, which you are used to doing normally. Having that ability taken away from you is disconcerting, to say the least. In your haze of confusion, you do recall that there are eight members of the crew, and you’ve met all except for one. It’s strange that you haven’t even seen him during your time on the ship, but you’ve heard Seonghwa and Yeosang mentioning his name in passing from time to time – Mingi.</p><p> </p><p>“A-Are you Mingi?” You ask with a hesitant tone.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” he answers within an instant. “Why?”</p><p> </p><p>You aren’t expecting to be questioned in return for your inquiry. It catches you off-guard, and you stand across from him with a stuttering jaw for a few moments.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I, uh, well I’m – I’m the newest member of the crew? If you’ve heard?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I’ve heard.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” you exhale. You can’t tell whether he’s intending to be flat and rude with you or if that’s just the way he is as a person.</p><p> </p><p>“I know who you are. And I don’t need you to explain it.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s most likely the latter, now that you think about it. There is an underlying harshness to his tone that bridges the flatness. You open your mouth to respond, but Mingi pushes his way past you. His shoulder knocks against yours as he moves, and he hits you with such force that you take a few steps back.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t get in my way again,” he says as he passes you. You glance up at his face as he speaks, but he isn’t looking at you in return. “You’ll regret it if you do.”</p><p> </p><p>You turn to look over your shoulder and watch him move, the threat in his words causing your blood to run cold. Once he disappears from sight, you look forward again, eyes trained on the spot where he was just standing. In all honesty, part of you isn’t shocked by his behavior. He’s a Berserker, and he certainly behaves like all the Berserkers you’ve encountered in the past with their harshness and underlying aggression. Nonetheless, something is different about Mingi. Almost as though he’s reining something in and keeping it from slipping out. You don’t ever want to see what that is, however, and it’s that resolve that causes you to quicken your steps and hurry to get to your room. The sooner you get your papers and leave this hellhole of a ship, the better.</p><p> </p><p>Your room is dark when you step in, and you don’t bother hitting the light switch as you grab your long and sweeping jacket off the foot of the bed. Before you shrug it over your shoulders, you dig into the small table beside your bed and collect the yellowing papers that hide within the drawer. Your fingers dance over the lettering on the front for a moment. It’s your ticket out, your ticket to freedom and release from the guilt that eats away at your insides.</p><p> </p><p>You tuck the papers into your chest band with haste. The temptation of freedom outweighs any guilt you could have about leaving this ship and crew in the dust. Just as you’re thinking that, your earpiece crackles to life and Hongjoong’s voice carries over the speaker.</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone to the bridge for debriefing.”</p><p> </p><p>You tug your jacket over your shoulders, making sure that the papers are securely in place before you fasten the buttons of the jacket across your chest. The last thing you want is to lose the papers again, especially because there is no guarantee that San will be the one to find them again. You duck out of your room, sliding the door shut behind you, and when you turn around, you run face-first into yet another person.</p><p> </p><p>“Woah!” The person says as you collide. His hands fly to your shoulders and hold you in place as he struggles to maintain his balance. “Damn, I nearly knocked you down. I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Your eyes find Yunho’s, and he smiles back at you without a care in the world. This is certainly not how you wanted this to go, in fact, you had somewhat resolved to leave with apologizing at all. Yet here you are, inches away from him and suddenly thrust into an awkward situation with no escape.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I, uh, I’m sorry,” you say as you push away from him. Yunho laughs in response and releases your shoulders. He brings a hand to his hair, combing through the locks that are now peach-colored. In your avoidance of him, you must’ve missed the change entirely. It looks almost too good against the light tan of his skin, and you blink furiously to block that thought from intruding too much on your mind.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no! You’re fine. I should’ve been more careful of where I was walking. I got lost in thought and didn’t see you leave your room.”</p><p> </p><p>You respond with a weak and shaky smile, chest constricting almost painfully as he continues to grin down at you without hesitation.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you heading to the bridge too?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, I am,” you mutter.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll walk up with you!” Yunho’s voice is bright and cheery, warm to a fault, and you can’t understand how he’s so gentle with you given your last interaction. You don’t respond as Yunho begins to lead the way to the bridge. Instead, you fall into step with him silently, glancing over at him out the corner of your eye. He’s quiet but not in a concerning way; rather, he hums to himself as the two of you walk. It isn’t until you reach the end of the corridor that you open your mouth to say something.</p><p> </p><p>“I, uh, I’m sorry for snapping at you about my papers,” you say under your breath. It’s still loud enough for Yunho to hear though. He turns to you, smile remaining on his lips, and a light laugh escapes him.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you still caught up on that?” He asks. A few strands of peachy orange hair fall over his forehead as he tilts his chin. “I’ve heard worse honestly. Had worse fights with other members of the crew too, to be honest. But that doesn’t really matter. Did you find the papers?”</p><p> </p><p>“I did,” you mutter with a small nod.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s really good! I’m glad to hear it. From the way you were talking about it, it sounded as though it was something important to you. Did finding it put you more at ease?”</p><p> </p><p>The question is a bit confusing to you, and you can’t understand why Yunho is asking it or why he wants to know that of all things. If you were in his position, you would be asking about the contents of the papers or trying to pry further into the reasons for needing them so badly. Yet, Yunho doesn’t seem to care about that at all.</p><p> </p><p>“It did, yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Again, I’m glad.” Yunho’s smile persists, and confusion continues to swirl in your gut. You don’t understand him one bit. He shouldn’t be happy for you, and it’s pointless for him to be anyways because those papers are what is going to make you leave. But then again, he may not care about that either.</p><p> </p><p>“I… thank you,” you manage to say through the confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. If you’re going to be here a long time, I want to at least make you feel welcome and happy to be here.” Yunho’s words cause guilt to twinge in your gut. This is why you were trying to avoid an apology, because now that he’s being warm and kind to you, you feel even worse about planning to disappear soon. You can only offer a smile and a nod in reply, but that doesn’t seem to bother Yunho one bit. “It will probably be hard for you to be on a ship full of men and testosterone. Not to mention we’re all criminals of the government. But if you do need anything, my door is always open. Not just as a doctor. Although as a doctor, I can provide some relief for other… frustrations you might have.”</p><p> </p><p>You choke on your saliva as Yunho speaks, his boldness causing your eyes to bulge and your heart rate to spike in an instant. You can feel the heat of his stare on your face as you reach up to cover your gaping mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t look so embarrassed,” Yunho chuckles. “It’ll make me act up.” He manages to slide another remark in that has you nearly sputtering. Yunho laughs it off though, the sound warm against your ears, and despite your embarrassment, you find yourself smiling as well.</p><p> </p><p>“T-Thank you,” you say under your breath. Part of you does feel guilty for looping Yunho in with the rest of the crew, labeling him as an awful criminal who can’t be trusted, when Yunho’s only crime seems to be his audacity. You want to believe that Yunho is trustworthy and genuine, but the feel of the papers against your skin reminds you that you can’t afford that luxury.</p><p> </p><p>The two of you step onto the bridge to find everyone there already. You notice that Mingi is there as well, standing beside the pilot’s chair with his back so rigid and straight that it hurts to look at. You move to where San is standing, and Yunho follows you without further comment. It’s the first time you’ve seen every crew member present, since Mingi is there. Yeosang stands across from you, his dark eyes meeting yours, and you exchange small nods. Your gaze slips down to the man at his side, dark-haired Wooyoung with the metal collar bound around his neck. A bandage stretches over his nose, evidence of where you hit him and how hard. You hadn’t meant to break his nose completely, but apparently that’s what you managed to do regardless. Yet another thing to feel guilty about.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve landed on Aegos,” Hongjoong announces, bringing your attention off Wooyoung and onto the captain. “Seonghwa and I will be conducting business in Echidna. San and Y/N will be coming along as well to collect supplies and information. We have a lead and it’s pretty strong this time, so I’ll need the two of you to come along for that.”</p><p> </p><p>San nods, obviously understanding what Hongjoong is talking about, but you’re slower to do the same. You have no clue what Hongjoong is talking about or what kind of information he’s wanting you to collect, but everyone else seems to know. It feels awkward to ask for clarification when everyone else doesn’t need it, so you keep your mouth shut and mimic San’s nod.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll provide further information for the two of you when we’re in Echidna,” Hongjoong says, glancing over at where you and San are standing. His piercing gaze shifts to the opposite side of the room and lands on Wooyoung. “I want Wooyoung to come along too.”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang’s lips part, brows furrowing together in an instant. It’s a sudden rage that coats his features, and he steps towards Hongjoong’s chair. Mingi responds immediately. He moves with haste towards Yeosang, and the shorter blonde’s rage dissipates when the Berserker gets closer. The captain redirects his glare to Yeosang. It shuts the man up before he even says anything, and Yeosang hangs his head rather than speaking up. You feel the tension spike. No one says anything for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>Then, Wooyoung steps forward with a small nod. If you had blinked, you would’ve missed it, but Wooyoung catches Yeosang by the wrist and closes his fingers around the place where the brand is. The touch seems to placate Yeosang, and he steps back into his original place when Wooyoung moves.</p><p> </p><p>Your eyes meet Wooyoung’s for half a second. The two of you look away at the same time, both facing Hongjoong instead of each other. You can’t keep your eyes from shifting back to look at the bandage over his nose, the faint bruises across his skin, and your knuckles tingle as you remember hitting him. You felt bad about punching him when you thought he was a slave aboard the ship, but since Yeosang dispelled that thought, you imagine the guilt would dwindle away. Still, it hasn’t, and it lingers every time you look at the collared man.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“He hasn’t been a slave for a very long time. That doesn’t mean those scars have fully healed though.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>That statement from Yeosang is was causes the guilt to remain. You’ve really started off on the wrong foot with quite a few members of the crew though. You attempted to kill Seonghwa when first boarding the ship, tried to shoot Hongjoong in the med bay, broke Wooyoung’s nose, fought with Yeosang during your first mission, and snapped at Yunho when you couldn’t find your papers. You’ve managed to cross five of eight crew members, perhaps six if you count running into Mingi in the hallway. In a short amount of time, that’s a hefty feat, and you do feel guilty about being so troublesome.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You’ll be leaving in no time though. Don’t worry about it. You won’t ever see these people again. It’s useless to worry about nothing.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Those thoughts are enough to remind yourself that it won’t matter in the long run if you get away in Echidna like you plan to.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re all dismissed,” Hongjoong says, cutting through the silence with his domineering tone.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I get left with damn Berserkers,” Yeosang grumbles as he pulls away from Wooyoung. Jongho falls into step with him, walking off the bridge with the blonde, and Mingi follows behind in silence. You glance over at Yunho. He sends a reassuring smile your way before leaving as well, and all of a sudden, you’re left with the other crew members who are going down to Aegos.</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong rises from his chair and turns to where Seonghwa is standing on his right.</p><p> </p><p>“Stay here a moment. The rest of you can go to the airlock and wait there for us. Tune to the fifth channel on your headsets. We’ll be right there.”</p><p> </p><p>You follow San off the bridge, rushing to catch up with him as he walks, and fiddle with your wristband in search of the fifth channel. You can hear Wooyoung’s shoes scuffing against the floor behind you as you walk in step with San. It feels awkward to walk in front of him like this without saying anything at all, but you have no idea how to start a conversation with the man after snapping his nose.</p><p> </p><p>“Are things always so quiet?” You mutter to San. The man glances over at you.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm? What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s awkward to be in so much silence like this,” you say as though it’s obvious. San shrugs then a laugh overtakes him.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t pin you as someone who can’t stand silence. You’re pretty quiet yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just because I don’t know you all well. I can’t be outgoing and friendly with you all if I can’t trust you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it seems like you have issues trusting people’s intentions in general. You acted as though I was going to kill you when I tried taking you to Yunho. I mean, I understand it and think it’s fair. I’m the same as you, so I can recognize it in you since I see it in myself. Still, you ought to have a bit more trust and faith in us. Just because we have the label of being a criminal doesn’t mean that we are bad people.”</p><p> </p><p>You purse your lips at San’s words. You know he’s right, and he knows it too based upon that cocky little grin on his lips as he looks over at you. He nudges you in the side with his elbow.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that chatty enough for you?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’ll do just fine for now, I guess,” you laugh in response. The airlock looms before you, and you stop beside it. San does as well, turning to look back at Wooyoung.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re awfully quiet for once,” he says to the other man. Wooyoung’s eyes go wide as you look over at him as well. “Is something on your mind?”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head fervently. His gaze keeps shifting over to you, eyes flitting around in a way that exposes his nervousness. It causes guilt to eat at your stomach even more.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry for – uh, you know, breaking your nose,” you apologize. “I shouldn’t have lashed out like that.” It’s awkward, and San only makes it worse by laughing. Wooyoung shakes his head a few times.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I-I deserved it honestly.” Even though Wooyoung says that, you still feel guilty, especially seeing the bruising on his skin up close. “I shouldn’t have hit you with a tranquilizer shot either, so we can call it even. One punch for one tranquilizer shot?” His tone turns light and cheery as he speaks to you. It helps ease some of your guilty and worry, but the way he winces when he tries to smile almost erases all of that.</p><p> </p><p>“Um, can I ask something?” You say, looking over to San as you speak. “What kind of intel are we supposed to be gathering? Hongjoong didn’t really explain much so I’m assuming that means everyone else knows.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course we do,” Wooyoung cuts in. His prior nervousness seems to disappear, replaced by a dimpled smile and bright eyes. “It’s all Hongjoong has been looking for. It’s been years of searching, but he’s never stopped since becoming the Captain of <em>The Horizon</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“And that is…?”</p><p> </p><p>Before Wooyoung has the chance to answer your question, someone else does. It’s the platinum-haired captain himself, walking up behind Wooyoung and placing a firm hand on the man’s shoulder as he steps forward.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m hunting down the last five sirens in the universe. And you’re going to help me do it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>here we are with the first part of act two!!!! ahhH!!! I'm so excited to hear what you all think and see what you guys think as the act progresses!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Act Two - Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“I’m hunting down the last five sirens in the universe. And you’re going to help me do it.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong says the words with an uncanny lightness to his tone. You blink at him, eyes wide partly from shock but partly from disbelief. You have no time to ask him about it, however, because he turns away from you and continues talking.</p><p> </p><p>“I received a report about someone claiming to have seen a Siren on Aegos, specifically in Echidna. I will be meeting with said person while you, San, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung go around listening for intel. People can’t keep their mouths shut when it comes to rumors, especially people on Echidna. Thus, if there truly is a Siren on Aeogs, someone will be talking about it. If not, then it’s just another dead lead.” Hongjoong pauses, heaving a deep sigh. There’s a fire to his eyes, a determination that lurks just behind his dark irises, and you don’t ever want him to direct that gaze at you. “I have a feeling about this one though.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, he hits the button beside the airlock and pops the door open. He leads the way off the ship, Seonghwa hot on his heels, but you aren’t so quick to follow. You shift towards San.</p><p> </p><p>“How many dead leads have there been?” You ask, head tilting in Hongjoong’s direction. San’s first response is merely a laugh, one that ripples through his chest and resounds loudly in the air before you. Once he recovers, he answers your question with words.</p><p> </p><p>“In the past six months, probably around thirty-three dead leads. Six years though? Most likely well over five hundred.”</p><p> </p><p>Your jaw drops at the mere thought of so many leads over the past years. San doesn’t say anything else; instead, he follows Seonghwa off the ship as though the numbers he just dropped are nothing to gape at. Wooyoung’s elbow hits you in the shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t just stand there and catch flies. You’ll get left behind.” He offers a small smile before walking out of the airlock as well. This time, you are quick to follow and chase after him. Your feet hit solid ground for the first time in weeks. At this point, it’s probably been over two months since you departed on your last trip and ended up aboard Hongjoong’s ship, so you couldn’t be more grateful to have solid ground under your boots now. There’s only one thing that is bothering you, and that would be Hongjoong’s claim about hunting down the last Sirens in the universe.</p><p> </p><p>According to Daichi, there is a Siren nearby that you should be guarding yourself from. <em>Did Hongjoong already hunt one down? Has he caught any? If he has…</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>You jog to catch up with Wooyoung, making sure to stay a couple feet behind Hongjoong when you ask your next question.</p><p> </p><p>“Has Hongjoong caught any Sirens yet?”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung is quick to shake his head in denial. “He’s not been able to find any so far, but he still won’t give up on it. It’s the only thing he cares about.”</p><p> </p><p>“B-But… why? Why go through the effort of hunting them down? Is he planning to make them go extinct?”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung opens his mouth to answer but then closes it just as quickly. He pauses and looks to the ceiling as he ponders the question, then slowly shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I actually don’t know the answer to that. I’ve never cared to ask Hongjoong what his plans are when he gets all five Sirens. I just know that he wants them and will stop at nothing to find them.” As Wooyoung says the words, you bring a hand up to rub at your collarbone absentmindedly. It’s a strange goal to have for certain, but you would only say that if you didn’t know that it was Hongjoong looking for the last five Sirens in existence. Your eyes flit over to where the captain walks, analyzing the back of his head as though it’ll give you the answers you desire. Of course, it gives you nothing, and you’re left to keep walking in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It’s better if I just push it out of my head. Think about something else. Like how I can escape here. Take the papers and run.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>You blink around the docking station. This would be the place to go to find a getaway ship, and the station has an overabundance of ships left and right. This wouldn’t be your first time stealing a spaceship – probably won’t be your last either – but something else is nagging at the edge of your thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“How were we able to land without being caught by the military? The ship isn’t exactly inconspicuous.”</p><p> </p><p>San turns and slows his steps so that he can fall into step with you.</p><p> </p><p>“Aegos is a criminal’s hive. A dream for any person looking to get away from the law. Bandits, mercenaries, pirates, all sorts of criminals and people. None of them good, of course,” San explains, motioning towards the ships all around you. “The military lost control of Aegos a long time ago and hasn’t bother trying to take it back. Better to just leave them alone than to risk all-out war. I suppose they could attack at any point, but no one is worried about that either. Some people claim that it’s because lots of the business owners here have paid off the military to leave them alone. Either way, you should be extremely careful here. Women are seen as objects in Echidna. If you’re alone at any point in time, it could be dangerous for you.”</p><p> </p><p>San’s sudden mention of you being alone strikes a sense of worry in you. You haven’t mentioned wanting to leave to anyone. He must have good reason to bring it up, and the warning in his tone deters you a little bit. If you don’t escape here, there’s no way of knowing when Hongjoong will make a pitstop again, and that adds the risk of getting too attached to any member of the crew. It’s best not to think of the danger that could befall you should you go out on your own. The faint pressure of the papers against your chest concerns you though. Papers of full pardon would be extremely valuable to any person on this planet. If it truly is a city of criminals, then at least ninety percent of them will want the papers too.</p><p> </p><p>You slump your shoulders a little, curling into yourself as you move further along in the docking station. There’s a faint rumble that resounds from above your head, and you become more and more aware of it the further along you go. Wooyoung must notice your expression because he speaks up as you glance up at the ceiling over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>“Did anyone warn you about the storms?” He asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, Seonghwa did. I just – I didn’t expect it to be so loud, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aegos has pretty intense storms. Some records show that the planet gets around a thousand inches of rainfall each year, but others show more than that.”</p><p> </p><p>You exhale a sound of surprise at the information, pulling your gaze off the ceiling to look back at Hongjoong. You’re just following him blindly, unsure of exactly where he’s taking you, but he seems to know his way around the station rather well. He takes you all to a train platform and pauses beside the conductor. He’s speaking in a hushed tone that you can’t make out, but based on his hand motions and gestures, he’s asking for tickets. Sure enough, minutes later, you are filing onto the train and making your way to a small booth on the first car.</p><p> </p><p>San slides across the bench first then motions for you to join him. You have to press close to him to make room for Wooyoung to sit as well, expecting Hongjoong and Seonghwa to occupy the booth across from you. However, Seonghwa is the only one to sit. Hongjoong moves past the booth without looking at any of you. Wooyoung twists in his seat to watch the captain go before jerking forward again and staring Seonghwa down.</p><p> </p><p>“Why did Captain ask me to join the mission?” He inquires, dark eyes wide as he asks the question. Seonghwa doesn’t seem surprised by Wooyoung’s sudden outburst; instead, he smiles back at the collared man.</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong thought that you had been cooped up on the ship for too long. Maybe needed solid ground under your feet for once.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s what I like though. I prefer staying on the ship.” Wooyoung’s tone loses its confidence, and he hangs his head a little.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that, Wooyoung.” Seonghwa’s smile falters ever so slightly. He leans forward, closer to Wooyoung, and tries to catch the man’s gaze as he speaks again. “Hongjoong wouldn’t have asked you to come if he wasn’t coming himself.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung doesn’t respond right away. He glares down at the white table separating your booths then glances up at Seonghwa with hesitant eyes. He nods a couple of times.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he says after the silence sinks in a little bit. “Places like this just make me nervous.” Seonghwa’s hand drops to the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong won’t let anything happen to you, Wooyoung. None of us will, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>You’re quite curious as to why Wooyoung is so nervous about being on Aegos, but one quick glance at the metal collar around his neck reminds you of what he supposedly used to be. On a planet full of criminals, the slave trade is sure to be a large part of business here. Thus, you decide to keep your questions to yourself and not make Wooyoung any more anxious than he already is.</p><p> </p><p>The train jerks all of a sudden, lurching forward and causing you to nearly jump out of your skin. The abrupt movement startles you more than you’d like, and all eyes move to you as you flinch. You exchange stares with San, his much more amused than your own embarrassed one. He laughs a little despite your heated glare.</p><p> </p><p>“Not a fucking word,” you grumble, slumping a little against the booth when he laughs louder. Across the booth, Seonghwa is struggling to contain his own grin. “What’s so funny, pretty boy?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, nothing. It’s just a bit amusing how one of the most feared and notorious criminals in the universe is scared of sudden noises. An interesting thing to note, princess.”</p><p> </p><p>You glare in response, unable to come up with a defense for yourself aside from a stubborn, “I wasn’t scared. Just unsuspecting in a foreign place.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are trains foreign, princess? I should’ve known.” Seonghwa’s smile curls further upwards, increasing in size as he continues to mock you. You can’t come up with any further defenses that he won’t mock you for. It’s good timing too, because Seonghwa straightens in his seat. Hongjoong appears in the corner of your eye, sliding into the empty space beside Seognhwa.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll be arriving in Echidna in two hours time,” he announces once he sits down. “When we arrive, I will go straight to meet with my client. Seonghwa, you’ll take the others to the hotel where we’ll be staying for the night. After that, San and Y/N will head out to pick up some medical supplies for Yunho and keep an ear out for any mention of Sirens. Seonghwa and Wooyoung will come meet me at the bar and linger a bit to listen as well. Y/N, San: you should keep your channels open in case. If anything goes south at the bar, you two are to return to the hotel immediately and wait for further orders. If something goes wrong on your end, call for backup. I’m hoping to avoid trouble but I’ve had worse luck on Aegos than any other planet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why come here then? If you have such a bad history with the place?” You ask without a second thought. Apparently it’s a mistake to do so because Seonghwa’s eyes go wide a bit and he shakes his head at you. Hongjoong releases a dry chuckle at your small comment.</p><p> </p><p>“If you’re going to be part of my crew, Y/N, you should learn when to speak. If you think you should say something – just don’t. After all, weapons aren’t supposed to speak at all, are they?”</p><p> </p><p>The comment is spoken with vehemence and you can only blink at the captain in sheer shock. He stuns you into silence, your lips parted and eyes wide as you return his heated glare with a confused one. San shifts on your left. The booth dips a little under you as he moves, and you glance over at him to see why he’s moving. His fist is clenched tight against his side, bunching up the fabric of his pants under his fingers, and he glares daggers into the side of Hongjoong’s head. Words are on his lips, you can tell that he wants to say something, but nothing comes out and he instead remains silent.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be out most of the night with my client, should things go well,” Hongjoong continues, picking up where he left off as though you hadn’t interrupted him. Your jaw snaps shut, and you nearly bite the tip of your tongue off in your haste to close your mouth. “Once Y/N and San get the supplies, you should stay out for a bit and listen for any valuable information. Wait for the crowds to dwindle then head back to the hotel. Seonghwa and Wooyoung will return around the same time. Be sure to tell them that you’re heading back so they can leave as well. Am I missing anything, Lieutenant?”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa shakes his head right away, looking back at Hongjoong. He pauses though, evidently realizing something as he jerks his head towards San.</p><p> </p><p>“Remind me to give you a credit chip before you go looking for supplies. And – Y/N this goes for you as well – do not split up under any circumstances.” Seonghwa stares directly at you as he speaks. He pauses ever so slightly between the words, his eyes wide and piercing as he looks at you. You can only manage a small nod. The heat of Hongjoong’s words from before are still burning at your heels, and you don’t want to risk irritating him further.</p><p> </p><p>“That should be all for now then,” Hongjoong cuts in again. “You can ask Seonghwa for further information if need be.” Hongjoong pushes up from the booth. He doesn’t spare any of you a glance as he walks away. You hear the door of the train car slide open, assuming that he’s moving to a different car, and Wooyoung must think it’s permanent because he stands up to take Hongjoong’s seat beside Seonghwa. You push closer to the edge of the booth and glance around the side to see if Hongjoong is still there, but he’s nowhere in sight.</p><p> </p><p>An elbow makes contact with your side. You whip around to look at the offender. San stares back with furrowed brows and narrowed eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I – yea, I’m fine?” You respond, unsure as to why he’s asking. San doesn’t answer your confusion though and instead turns to stare at Seonghwa across the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Captain shouldn’t treat people like that,” he grumbles. Seonghwa presses his lips together, pulling his lower lip between his teeth. “He spoke to her like she’s nothing! Why aren’t you upset? You normally get furious when Captain acts that way with other crew members. Is Y/N not a crew member now too?”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa’s chin tilts towards you, his piercing brown eyes flitting over your expression. You can’t read the emotion on his features but you can see that he’s conflicted. You aren’t sure why, but Seonghwa just keeps looking at you without answering San. You decide to cut in and reassure San yourself, placing a hand on his bicep.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, San,” you mutter. “It’s really okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“How is th–”</p><p> </p><p>“I was the one who told Hongjoong that I wanted to be a weapon. He’s just treating me the way I asked to be treated.” At your words, San’s expression morphs from anger and crumbles into disbelief. It’s a swirling of emotions across his features, but you see disappointment more than anything else. His jaw stutters as he tries to get another question out.</p><p> </p><p>“H-How could… how could you choose that?”</p><p> </p><p>You were not expecting that kind of question, especially since that’s the very question you’ve wanted to ask San since Yeosang explained his position on the crew to you. If he chose the same thing, then how could he ask you why you chose it? The question is on the tip of your tongue but for some reason, you can’t just spit it out.</p><p> </p><p>“I… That’s all I was in the military so that’s all I am now,” you explain after a moment of hesitation. San’s shoulders pull up towards his ears. You know that your explanation has upset him in some way, and he seems to want to say more but fails to. Seonghwa gnaws on his lower lip, eyes flitting back to San every few seconds, and for once, he doesn’t have an air of arrogance or cockiness about him.</p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t just a weapon to be <em>used</em>,” San hisses out without looking your way. “You shouldn’t encourage Hongjoong or anyone else to treat you like that either.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m so-sorry,” you stammer. You don’t know how else to respond and chances are, nothing you say will be what San wants to hear. “That’s just what I’m used to hearing and being told.” Your fingers move for the brand on your wrist, rubbing at the raised skin as you pull your arm close to your chest. San notices the shifting movement. His eyes linger on the motion for a few moments before turning to look out the window of the train.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry for snapping at you.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa smiles a little upon hearing San’s apology. You aren’t sure whether the apology is directed at you or Seonghwa, but you don’t get the chance to ask either because the lieutenant speaks up once more.</p><p> </p><p>“You should take your own advice, San. You’re a human being too, not just a weapon or a tool.” Rather than answer, San reaches up to clasp the base of his neck. The skin is hidden by the black fabric of a turtleneck, but he rubs at the material there while staring out the window and watching the landscape speed by. Seonghwa doesn’t take the lack of response to heart; he redirects the conversation with ease, a small smirk taking over his lips as he shifts his attention to you. “You said you’ve never been to Aegos, no? How many planets have you been to then?”</p><p> </p><p>“O-Oh, quite a few. I don’t know the exact number though. I mostly stayed in Aurum.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that where you grew up too?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, I didn’t leave Aurum until I joined the military. Even so, I didn’t leave often.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you grow up on Eros?” Seonghwa prods further, and you purse your lips. After a bit of hesitation, you shake your head.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t go to Eros until later on.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then where did you grow up?” You answer him with a smile at first, tilting your head to the side before responding.</p><p> </p><p>“You have a one in five chance of guessing correctly, pretty boy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, we can play guessing games another time, princess,” Seonghwa chuckles. He brings his arms up over his chest, eyeing you carefully before speaking again. “I’m more curious as to why you chose to enter the military when you seem to have a strong disdain for it.”</p><p> </p><p>“If we’re talking about things that make us curious, then I’d ask why you aren’t part of the military yourself. You’re an Elitist so it would make sense for you to join. Unless you have hidden chains like Yeosang and me.” Seonghwa drops his arms to bare his wrists to you. They’re smooth and clear of any brands.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m clean of treason in the very least. I did want to join the military at one point. My mother wanted that for me as well, but things didn’t quite work out because of my social status. I don’t have the time or patience for bigoted, ableist people in the military anyways. The ones who stay are all the same.”</p><p> </p><p>“They’re pretty much all Elitists though, just like you.”</p><p> </p><p>“The difference being that they were born higher up in society. That’s how Elitists should be at least. If you aren’t born in the same league or place in society as they are, then you are invalid. It doesn’t matter what the tests show. They won’t believe you or grant you access. That’s how it was on my home planet and my one and only experience with trying to join the military. It was more than enough to put me off of it and leave a bad taste in my mouth. So, I prefer the company of criminals by a long shot. No judgment from liars, thieves, and murderers.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s an interesting outlook on things,” you mutter. “It’s easier not to trust anyone at all though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you met the crew?” Seonghwa asks out of the blue. He tilts his head as he asks the question, although you can only stare back in confusion for a few seconds.</p><p> </p><p>“Wh-What crew?”</p><p> </p><p>“The crew of <em>The Horizon</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. I – Why?” Seonghwa grins, eyes disappearing behind his lids and forming soft crescents.</p><p> </p><p>“I trust each and every single one of them with my life. It’s not a matter of trusting no one. It’s moreso about finding the right people to trust. I hope you can see that as time passes.” Seonghwa’s smile remains broad but he cracks an eye open to look at you. You can’t come up with a good enough response. You know that he’s telling the truth, everything he’s saying is accurate, but you don’t want to acknowledge it. You don’t even plan to stay for much longer so it shouldn’t matter in the long run, but his words stick to you like glue. Seonghwa glances between San and Wooyoung, a small sigh escaping his lips. “You three should try to get some rest while you can. We have a long night ahead and should sleep as much as we can now.”</p><p> </p><p>You nod and press your head against the back of the booth. Your gaze shifts to the ceiling, examining the pattern across the metal. The rumble of the train and rain outside lull you to sleep quickly, and you don’t even recall closing your eyes before you slip into unconsciousness.</p><p>☽ ☾</p><p>You’re woken with a start. The train lurches to a halt, and you jolt forward, brought back into consciousness too soon. You almost forget where you are, but one quick glance at your surroundings reminds you of where you are and what you’re doing here. Across the booth, Wooyoung seems to be in a similar predicament, eyes puffy from sleep but suddenly wide when the train stops. Seonghwa doesn’t seem to have gotten any sleep at all though, still just as awake as he was before. The same goes for San; his head tilted to peer out the window of the train. The other side of the glass is black, however, shrouded with shadows and darkness.</p><p> </p><p>You push off the booth on shaky legs, still recovering from your dreamless nap. Part of you wishes that Daichi had visited your dreams and offered some semblance of advice or guidance for the long night you have ahead of you. As much as you hate the man, you know that he at least has some decent advice when you’re conflicted.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa leads the way yet again, but Hongjoong is there as well. He must have come back at some point while you were sleeping, but you can only see his back as he walks in front of you so you don’t know if he wears the same groggy expression that you and Wooyoung do.</p><p> </p><p>The city is brighter than you expected it to be when you step off the train. Streetlamps and strings of iridescent lights line the cobbled roads. When you look up to the sky, it’s covered in a haze of blue. It must be the storm guard that was mentioned before. San notices your lingering gaze as he falls into step with you.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fascinating, isn’t it?” He asks as he follows your line of sight.</p><p> </p><p>“Yea… never seen anything like it.”</p><p> </p><p>“For criminals, the engineers on Echidna sure know what they’re doing.” San shrugs. When you bring your gaze back down to the road, Seonghwa is quite a bit further ahead, and you have to jog to catch up with him. He and Hongjoong are walking with haste, heads pressed together as they speak in hushed tones. Then – all of a sudden – Hongjoong peels off and turns left, immediately getting lost in the crowd when you jerk your head to catch sight of him. “Guess it’s go time then,” San mutters. Wooyoung presses closer to Seonghwa as soon as Hongjoong disappears, and the other man reaches down to clasp his fingers around Wooyoung’s balled fist.</p><p> </p><p>While Wooyoung is nervous is the hustle and bustle of the city, you find yourself fascinated by everything around you. The city is like nothing you’ve seen before. Despite the high tech storm guard covering the city, all the buildings are made of dark wood or stones, much less advanced than you expected them to be. A thin layer of dirt covers the streets under your feet. The storm guard must be the only nice thing about the city because everything else in sight is grungy and dirty. The same does not go for the people walking the streets, however. Some wear expensive, pressed clothes whilst others wear next to nothing. It’s an eclectic mix of people, and even as you walk close to Seonghwa and Wooyoung’s backs, you feel the heat of foreign stares on you with each step you take.</p><p> </p><p>You’re so focused on glancing at the bodies around you that you don’t realize when Seonghwa comes to a sudden halt. You run face-first into his back, unable to even bring your hands up to brace yourself against the impact. You peek around Seonghwa’s shoulder only to find a large wooden building looming before you. Seonghwa pushes in, releasing Wooyoung’s wrist in favor of opening the door, and you all step into the warm interior of what must be the hotel.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa pulls away immediately upon entering and goes straight for the bar counter off to the left where a rugged man stands cleaning a glass. You, on the other hand, stay close to the door, as does San, but Wooyoung rushes to follow after Seonghwa. There seems to be only one entrance and exit to the building – the one you came through – which could prove troublesome when you try to get out later. There are no immediate escapes, unless the upstairs area has windows you can jump through. It should be easy for you to sneak out of a room if you’re alone, but you need to make sure that you don’t run into Hongjoong or anyone else on your way out. You aren’t sure what Hongjoong would do to you if you tried escaping, but something tells you that you really don’t want to find out.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa returns to where you and San are standing after a couple of minutes, Wooyoung still glued to his side.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright so, you two will be sharing a room for the night. Wooyoung and I will take the other. First door at the top of the stairs.” A curse nearly leaves your lips upon hearing the new information. San has to be the worst person for you to get stuck with partially because he’s a Spectre and will no doubt hear you moving around without any trouble. The larger concern though has to be the fact that if he finds out, he will most likely try to prevent you from leaving. It’s bad news for you, but Seonghwa causes your heart to plummet even further with his next words. “Uh, there’s only one bed as well. Two rooms are the most they have but none of the rooms have more than one bed.”</p><p> </p><p>You force a smile onto your lips. “It’s fine. I’ve been in worse situations.” It’s not a complete lie because you most definitely have been in worse situations but the timing is not helping you in the slightest. You glance over to San in attempts to gauge his reaction to the news. There’s a faint flush to his cheeks but he nods along with you. Seonghwa passes the two fo you a sympathetic smile before handing a keycard to San.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, before I forget. Here’s the credit chip too.” Seonghwa digs around in his pocket for a moment before handing over another small card. “Once you get the supplies for Yunho, you should just spend some time wandering around. Just listen in where you can. If you do hear anything about Sirens, don’t pursue. Just try your best to remember what was said so you can report back later. I’ll be on the line should anything happen.”</p><p> </p><p>You and San nod at the same time. Seonghwa offers one more thin smile before turning to Wooyoung and asking him if he’s ready to head out. You watch the two men leave the hotel, silence falling between you and San. When you glance at the Spectre’s face, his eyes are unfocused and hazy.</p><p> </p><p>“Should we go ahead and get going?” You suggest, motioning for the door. San doesn’t acknowledge you; instead, he keeps staring at the same spot on the floor without even flinching. The sudden shift in attitude catches you off-guard. “San?” You place a hesitant hand on his shoulder, and the touch prompts him to glance up at you. “Should we get going?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, let’s go.” You follow San out of the hotel, walking alongside him into the grimy streets again, this time with a different mission. “There are all sorts of shops and stalls that have supplies. I’ve got a pouch to carry the stuff back, but if you want to split up, we can.”</p><p> </p><p>You twist to look at San. His words shock you quite a bit, especially since both he and Seonghwa said that you must not split up at any point in time.</p><p> </p><p>“But Seonghwa told us to stay together?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Oh yea. I forgot.” San’s brows furrow together. You aren’t sure what’s suddenly come over him, but he seems to be in a state of panic and confusion much like Wooyoung was earlier. It’s at that moment that you realize San gave you the perfect opportunity to get away just then. You could’ve split up and been gone without any trouble whatsoever, but you did not even hesitate to refuse to do just that. You don’t understand why you did it. It’s not that you don’t want to get away because you most definitely do and the stress of holding such valuable papers against your chest is growing with each passing second. Still, seeing San is such a state of distress and confusion is making you want to say.</p><p> </p><p>This is the exact thing you were trying to avoid. Getting attached. You wish you could just walk away and leave him like this, but the guilt would eat away at your conscience. As much as you don’t want to admit it, what Hongjoong said about you feeling a sense of duty towards San for saving your life is absolutely true. It’s that sense of duty that keeps you at his side as you walk through the city in silence.</p><p> </p><p>He leads the way to a small stall full of medical supplies. Since you have absolutely no idea what you’re supposed to be looking for, you just remain at his side and look around the streets as San peruses the wares. He talks to the vendor in a foreign tongue, one you don’t understand but his tone is light as he speaks to the man. As their conversation carries on, San’s tone loses a bit of its luster and kindness. You’re still scanning the streets when one of his hands reaches around you and tugs you against his side. You jerk your head back to him, eyes wide in question, but he just smiles back at you before leaning close to your ear.</p><p> </p><p>“He thinks you’re for sale,” San murmurs against the shell of your ear. “I said you’re my wife, so just play along.”</p><p> </p><p>“O-Oh,” you exhale, unable to say anything else more coherent. San’s grip is tight against your waist but you still manage to twist your torso enough to look back over your shoulder and resume your scans of the streets. Nothing immediately catches your attention, and it’s hard to hear anything above the din of the streets, all hushed mumbles that bleed into one indistinct sound. Then, through the blur of people, one figure stands out. Their face is shrouded by a scarf so you can’t see them very well. Still through the darkness, you spot bright red eyes, and you can see them staring back at you from across the road. San’s touch is suddenly a lot more comforting, and you turn away from the unknown figure with a growing pit in your stomach.</p><p> </p><p>You didn’t think of the possibility that people in Echidna might recognize who you are. Sure, your face isn’t plastered on every wanted sign across the universe, but it’s in enough places for people to watch you closely when you walk by. In hindsight, it was quite foolish of you to not wear any coverings over your face because of that very fact, and since the others didn’t, you didn’t think to do so yourself. The Berserker stares at you with an almost hungry gaze, those red eyes drilling furious holes into your head even as you try to focus on what’s going on in front of you.</p><p> </p><p>San is finishing up buying the supplies for Yunho when you finally focus on him. He tucks them away in the small pouch strapped to his hip, bringing his hand off your waist only to pull your arm through his. He says a few more words of that foreign language to the vendor before leading you away, but his touch doesn’t leave until you’re well away from the vendor and his stall. As you continue walking, you turn to look back at the spot where the Berserker just was, but in the figure’s place is nothing but darkness.</p><p> </p><p>Even though you were asked to wander the streets to listen in on conversations, you still can’t hear much because of how loud and busy the nightlife is in the city. It’s nearly impossible to even hear your own breathing, let anyone anything about Sirens. San lets your arm fall away from his and slows his pace a bit to a more comfortable walking speed for the both of you.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps it’s by chance, or maybe some twist of fate, because your shoulder brushes against a man as you’re walking. He doesn’t stop when you hit him, his head turned towards the man who walks beside him instead, but you turn to watch him walk past. His voice catches your attention, although you’re more intent on listening to what he’s saying rather than the timbre of his tone.</p><p> </p><p>“The Scourge’s ship landed here not too long ago,” he says to the man walking beside him. “<em>The Horizon</em>. You think he’s collecting more people for his crew?”</p><p> </p><p>You don’t think twice before spinning on your heel and trailing after the pair. Head ducked, you glance up just enough to get the two on the edge of your vision.</p><p> </p><p>“Could be that,” the other man starts. You have to press a bit closer to pick up his words. “If he’s here though, it would be a good opportunity to cripple him and take out the competition. Not to mention that pretty bounty on his head. I heard that Vlad put a price out that’s even higher than what the military is offering. And according to my brokers at the warehouse, they saw Scourge enter the Jaded Hornet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? Does Vlad know?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, but a newly formed bandit crew is on their way to ambush him later in the night. Around one in the morning, according to my sources.”</p><p> </p><p>“Best keep that to ourselves. Scourge has eyes and ears everywhere.” The two men glance around, and you hastily turn away before they catch sight of you. You walk back in the opposite direction, only stopping to search the men once you think you are safely out of earshot. Part of you wants to follow after them and try to figure out more information. Seonghwa told you not to pursue even if you got a lead, but that was concerning Sirens, not a plan to ambush Hongjoong. You turn to your left, aiming to tell San what all you just overheard, only to find that the Spectre is no longer at your side and you are now alone in the middle of the street. People still move around you but you can’t see past them to look for San.</p><p> </p><p><em>This is your chance</em>.</p><p> </p><p>You could get away right now. It’s the perfect opportunity to disappear for good. Drop your earpiece and leave. You have everything you need, it’s not as though you kept any valuables back on the ship, and San isn’t around to stop you. Your mind is demanding that you leave, but your heart, on the other hand, is telling you that it’s a bad idea to go now. You aren’t sure that you could disappear knowing that someone is planning to ambush Hongjoong later tonight. You wish that you could be as heartless and cruel as people assume you are because you know that leaving now would only cause a knot of guilt to form in your stomach.</p><p> </p><p>A huff falls from your lips as you begin to push your way through the crowd in search of San. He should be easy to spot with his two-toned hair but there’s too many people pressing up against you and you can barely move. A shoulder knocks against yours with an insane amount of force. It instantly knocks you to the ground, and your hands shoot out to brace yourself. You land in an awkward position, wrist twisting as you hit the stone, and you shift to look up at the person who knocked you down.</p><p> </p><p>There is a pair of red eyes staring back at you. Not just any red eyes, but those of the Berserker who was staring at you across the way earlier. The scarf over the person’s face is pulled down now, however, revealing feminine features that seem gentle compared to the ferocity in those eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re coming with me,” the person says, her voice sweet like saccharin as she speaks to you. She stoops down to your level and grabs for your arm. You smack her prying hands away from you in an instant. Her lips twist into a grimace, a low growl leaving her chest, and she snatches your arm again. You can’t fight it this time though. She yanks you upwards and drags you behind her, barely giving you enough time to even stand up straight. You try your best to keep panic and fear from surging through you. Berserkers run off aggression and emotions, and the more fear you exude, the stronger her grip is going to get. She most likely already fed off the anger you exuded when she first grabbed your arm.</p><p> </p><p>The Berserker tugs you along with little trouble. No one moves to stop her or even spares a glance at the two of you. You’d expect nothing less from a city of criminals though, and when she pulls you into a dimly lit alleyway, you expect the gun she puts against your temple a moment later. She pushes you back until you hit the wall of the building behind you. The metal of her pistol is cold against your skin.</p><p> </p><p>You match her glare with one of your own, trying to seem neutral and unbothered when in reality, your heart is racing against the confines of your ribs. She dips her chin down and leans closer to your face.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re wanted dead or alive,” comes her scathing tone. “Such a hefty bounty on your head, and you would dare come to Echidna of all places? Hardly a notoriously brilliant criminal. You’re just a careless fool.”</p><p> </p><p>You push against the arm that’s keeping you pinned to the wall. You can’t gain enough momentum to swing your weight at her, but you manage to throw a leg out at her abdomen. It hits her hard, knocking her back and freeing you from the wall. Before you have a chance to react, she swings a fist at your temple. The force of her strike knocks you back and sends your earpiece flying. You stumble and scramble to pick the earpiece up with the intent of calling for help, but she crushes the metal under the sole of her shoe before your fingers can close around it. A cry of pain leaves your lips as she presses her heel down on your fingers.</p><p> </p><p>“If you won’t cooperate… I’ll just have to kill you and claim the bounty with your dead body.” The Berserker swings her knee up against your nose. A disgusting crunch resounds. You nearly vomit from the sensation, warmth spreading across your face in an instant. She takes your moment of weakness to knock you fully to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>The breath leaves your lungs, and you gasp for air, cradling your bleeding nose with careful fingers. Her knees drop onto your abdomen while her hands go for your throat. You try to swat her hands away from you with the bloodied hand, but she seems to have even more strength than before. You stretch a hand out to her sternum, trying to reach for the cloak over her skin. The lack of air is making your head spin though, and you can’t focus enough to use your abilities on her. Your fingers tremble and shake against her clothes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fucking… work. Come on. Just fucking phase. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Spots dance on the edge of your vision, and your hand falls to your side limply. You paw around for your gun in attempts to at least shoot her in the leg, but she must notice the movements because she increases the pressure on your throat. Consciousness is leaving you quickly. You try to keep your eyes open and fight back, but your attacker has too much of the upper hand for you to even move.</p><p> </p><p>“Back off.”</p><p> </p><p>The pressure on your throat disappears all of a sudden. You gasp for air, rushing to bring oxygen back into your body, and roll onto your side under your attacker as blood begins to drip between your lips. You glance up at the Berserker. She has a blade pressed against the skin of her throat, and you can’t quite make out the figure who is holding the knife through the shadows of the alley. He presses forward though, forcing the Berserker to lean back even more and pushing into the light. A sigh of relief escapes you as you see San’s hair under the yellow lights.</p><p> </p><p>“I said back off,” he hisses. The woman raises her hands and climbs off of you. She tilts her head to look at San as she gets to her feet. You watch on with wide eyes, hand pressed against your nose in attempts to somehow stop the bleeding.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, well, well. Look who it is. Spectre. This is a happy coincidence, isn’t it? I never would’ve expected to see you in a place like this again.” Her voice is calm, a hint of mocking to her tone, and San’s grip on the knife tightens. “Or defending someone like her.”</p><p> </p><p>San eyes the Berserker carefully before stepping closer to you. He pushes a hand under your back, hoisting you up into a sitting position. The moment you’re up, you grab for your pistol and aim it at your attacker’s head. San lunges forward, fingers closing around your wrist without any hesitation.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop. Y/N, don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“She just fucking tried to kill me. I’m not going to let you stop me from returning the favor.” You yank your arm out of San’s grasp. He moves with you, stepping in front of your line of fire. You hesitate. Your finger twitches at the trigger. “What do you think you’re doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t shoot. Please. I know her.” San lifts his hands, eyes pleading and begging you not to shoot.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be so shy, Spectre,” the woman huffs behind him. She places her hands on her hips and presses her shoulders back as though to puff out her chest more. “Tell her who I am. But you should get the title right at least, because I’m Lieutenant Cara now, not Taskmaster Cara.”</p><p> </p><p>San’s fingers tremble as she says the words. He looks away from you to face the woman.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell your little partner the truth, Spectre. You still know how to follow orders, don’t you? Tell her how you abandoned your crew and ship of over ten years. All because of a mutiny that benefited you.”</p><p> </p><p>San moves too fast for you to see, but the blade is back at Cara’s neck, pressed so hard against the skin that you can see blood blossoming under the metal. She doesn’t flinch under the pressure; in fact, she doesn’t even seem surprised by his actions in the slightest.</p><p> </p><p>“Why won’t you just kill me? You’ve killed thousands of times, Spectre. What’s stopping you now?”</p><p> </p><p>San’s fingers are trembling still, and the knife wobbles against her neck. He pulls back, letting the knife fall by his side, then spits at her feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Get lost,” he snarls. “The next time I see you will be the day when I get my revenge and you pay for what you did.”</p><p> </p><p>Cara releases a loud laugh upon hearing San’s threat. “Those are bold words for a coward. If you truly want to exact your so-called revenge then you can come find me and do it. You know where to find the crew. We took up the old hideout. But fair warning – it’ll be your funeral.”</p><p> </p><p>The Berserker tugs her scarf up over her nose and ducks out of the alleyway without saying anything else. San watches her move, waiting until she’s completely out of sight before tucking his knife back into the sheath and walking back to where you’re sitting. He kneels by your side.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay to walk?” His tone is quiet, and you detect the slightest tremble in his words. You answer by pulling yourself to your feet, San’s hands on your waist as he helps you up. One of those hands drifts upwards and dances over your throat. You smack him away, startled by the sudden touch. “I-I’m sorry. I was checking the bruising. She did a number on you.”</p><p> </p><p>You’re certain that your nose is in much worse shape than your throat, but you manage a small nod, feeling around your lip to see how bad the blood flow is.</p><p> </p><p>“Seonghwa already knows what’s going on. He called me as soon as your line went dead. He said we should head back to the hotel and stay there for the rest of the night.” San’s gaze keeps flitting back to where the woman was just standing, shoulders tensed up so much that they nearly touch his ears. You watch him with careful eyes and tuck your pistol back into its holster on your thigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?” You ask, matching his quiet tone.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it.” His words are final, and you shut up immediately. He pushes past you, dragging his gaze off the spot where Cara was standing, and leads the way out of the alley. You follow him out without saying anything else. It’s evident in his body language and tone that pressing the topic would be a bad idea. You’ve had enough excitement for one night, and getting into a fight with San of all people would most likely end badly.</p><p> </p><p>You stay close to his side as you walk back to the hotel. You don’t want to risk getting split up again, but you’re certainly attracting more stares now as you walk the streets with blood covering the lower half of your face. San remains silent during the walk back; his mind appears to be elsewhere, no doubt on the woman you encountered in the alleyway. You’re still curious and want to know more. San doesn’t even spare you a glance though, even as you enter the hotel and walk up the stairs to find your room.</p><p> </p><p>The room is dark when you enter, and San doesn’t bother turning on the lights. He instead goes straight for the bathroom at the other end of the room.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna take a shower and clean up,” he mutters, barely glancing your way as he goes into the room. Once he disappears behind the door, you let a sigh of exhaustion fall from your lips. You sink onto the edge of the bed and examine your surroundings. The bed is bigger than you expected, which is a good thing because it’ll give you plenty of room to be away from San. You bring a hand to your chest, feeling around at the material in the hopes of feelings your papers underneath, and a wave of relief washes over you when you feel them.</p><p> </p><p>Blood still coats your fingers, but it’s dried down quite a bit now. You want to check your nose and see the extent of the damage, but there is no mirror in sight. As you look over your hands you see a slight tremor in your fingers. The adrenaline from your scuffle is still running through your veins, and despite feeling burnt out, you’re wide awake. You still aren’t sure why you weren’t able to use your abilities earlier; it’s not something you’re used to and you’ve never heard of it happening either.</p><p> </p><p>The door to the bathroom slides open, startling you a bit, and San steps out. He’s only half-dressed, shirt bunched up in his hands. You try not to stare too hard at him, but your gaze drifts over his torso before resting on his neck. The sight surprises you. Scars line the skin around his throat, ridged marks that spread across him like bolts of lightning. He pays you no attention and moves for the bed as you stand up to take his place in the bathroom. Once you reach the door, you hesitate to look back at him.</p><p> </p><p>His back is facing you now, and you nearly gasp at the sight before your eyes. Deep gashes line his back, all blurred into dark scars across his pale skin. There are countless marks on his back, and some of them bleed into single marks whereas others stretch out like branches off of each other. You can’t bear to look at the scars any longer, turning away and closing the door behind you.</p><p> </p><p>Your face is in better shape than you thought it would be. The blood has dried down and started to flake off, but your nose is so sensitive that even the slightest tap from your shirt as you pull it over your head hurts. On the bright side, the steam from the shower helps clean the blood off rather easily, and you scrub your hands clean with the small vial of soap propped on the edge of the shower. You have to be a lot more delicate with your nose but you manage to clean everything except your nostrils. You scrub the rest of the grime from your body with ease, not wasting any time in getting out of the shower and dressed again.</p><p> </p><p>You push the bundle of papers back under the band across your chest before stepping back into the bedroom. The lights are still off when you enter. San is on one side of the bed, head facing the wall. You try your best not to disturb him as you climb into bed and get settled under the coarse sheets. The hot shower should’ve helped calm you down and relax you enough to fall asleep, but you find yourself staring at the ceiling wide awake. Your heart continues to race without any sign of calming down.</p><p> </p><p>A bit of time passes just like that, and the only sound in the room is San’s quiet breathing. Even when you close your eyes, you can’t manage to fall asleep so you eventually just give up and blink at the ceiling mindlessly.</p><p> </p><p>The bed creaks. You glance over at San as the mattress shifts, and he turns over to lie on his back as well. At first, you think he’s just moving in his sleep, but he speaks after a tense moment of silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Ca-Can I explain things a little bit more?” He inquires. You can barely hear him despite the quiet in the room. Shifting, you roll onto your side and face him. He stares at the ceiling, eyes wide open like yours, and you trace the lines of his side profile with your eyes through the darkness.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, go ahead.” San doesn’t speak right away even though you gave him permission to. He gnaws on his lower lip instead, continuing to glare up at the ceiling. That carries on for a few minutes, and you try not to pressure him into continuing but the waiting is making you nervous.</p><p> </p><p>“I, uh, I never grew up in one place. It was a string of constant moving around and not settling for long. I didn’t have a name either, mostly because my mother left me at an orphanage when I was still a baby without a name. The orphanage didn’t bother giving me a name either, just called me Unit 13. It was a shitty place, run by pirates who would sell off kids as soon as they were able to start working. They start Spectres young though, and as soon as they found out I was one, they sold me to a pirate crew. I was around five years old at the time, maybe the day after my self-proclaimed birthday? They said my mother dropped me off there on July 10th, so that’s what we called my birthday even though there’s no real way of knowing.</p><p> </p><p>“After I was handed over to the crew, I took the job very seriously. It was all I ever knew outside of the orphanage, but most of those memories are a blur. They would keep us in line with shock collars, even as kids, and I would act up more than the others so I-I got zapped a lot more often. I thought things would be different when I joined the pirate crew, but I was treated more like a slave than an actual crew member. They would keep me chained to the wall by a metal collar. When I wasn’t chained up, they put an electric shock collar on me instead so they could make sure I behaved. If I didn’t do a good enough job for the captain, I would get lashings. The number didn’t matter, it just depended on how many the taskmaster felt like giving at the time.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Taskmaster…</em> You vaguely recall the Berserker calling herself a taskmaster. It could be that she was the person who dealt out the lashings to San, but if that’s the case… You don’t want to think about how difficult it must have been to see her all of a sudden like that. San licks at his lips, tongue dragging over the skin as he mulls over his next words. When he continues, his voice is thicker than before.</p><p> </p><p>“I never – I have scars across my back and neck from the repeated abuse b-but I never questioned my treatment. I was taught that it was what was best for me. I never knew anything else so that’s j-just what I thought was right and fair. Even if the other crew members weren’t treated that way, it’s how I thought I should’ve been treated. LIke… I deserved it for not doing a good enough job or – or just existing in the first place. I worked for that crew for over ten years. I can’t remember exactly how long I worked there, but it was all I ever knew after the orphanage. The captain – my captain, h-he was like a father to me. He allowed the abuse and conducted it on certain occasions but I still… I don’t know. I thought that was his version of love. He was killed in a mutiny that was lead by the first mate. The taskmaster joined in as well, and because of her reputation, few wanted to oppose her. I jumped ship after that. Abandoned my crew. I couldn’t stand to be there after m-my captain was killed. He meant more to me than anyone else did, because even in his moments of cruelty, he still cared about me.”</p><p> </p><p>Through the darkness, you see crystalline droplets fall from San’s eyes. He doesn’t stop to brush them away though, heaving a deep breath before continuing again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been thinking about getting my revenge for years. Hongjoong told me that the feeling would pass with time as I spent more time away from that crew and what had happened. I thought I would get over it easily but I st-still haven’t. I thought I was but s-seeing her, seeing the taskmaster like that – I don’t know if I’ll ever be over it. I know that Hongjoong tries to be fair with all of us as crew members, he wants to treat us equally, but he doesn’t want to treat me like a weapon. I-I know I shouldn’t but I want it. I want to be treated that way.”</p><p> </p><p>San’s tears fall faster as he admits the heavy words. You reach out with a shaky hand and brush the tears away from one side of his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you want to be treated that way?” You ask through the tension. San shifts, turning his face towards you, and you rest your hand on his other cheek to wipe at the tears there.</p><p> </p><p>“I still think it’s what I deserve. I spent so long hearing it and believing it that it’s all I can think about now. I-I’ve tried to change it, I’ve tried to think about other things, Yunho has tried to help, Seonghwa tried, even Hongjoong tried. I just can’t get those ghosts out of my head no matter how hard I try. That’s – that’s why I was so upset when Hongjoong called you a weapon and when you said that’s all you are. I don’t want anyone to see themselves the way I see myself. At that moment it felt like we were the same person, and I hated that someone else felt what I was feeling because I know how fucking shitty it is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think revenge would help?” Your question comes out after a bit of deliberation, and you immediately gnaw of your lip after asking it.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know,” San admits. Your eyes meet. You can see the genuine despair in his eyes, and it nearly breaks your heart in two. “I’m scared of hating myself more than before if I do get my revenge. There won’t be any going back from it if I kill them all. I’m also afraid of regretting it if I don’t do it and take the chance. I j-just don’t know what I want, and that’s almost more terrifying.”</p><p> </p><p>You aren’t sure how to respond to him. You know exactly how he’s feeling, and it hurts your heart to see him going through the same internal struggle you went through before. Instead of words, you keep your hand on his cheek, thumbing over his skin in attempts to comfort him.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” San says after a couple minutes of silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, absolutely.”</p><p> </p><p>“Y-You said that the pardon papers were for someone else. Is it… revenge? Or is it guilt?” The question stops you in your tracks. Your heart clenches in your chest, and you pause your motions on San’s cheek to think over it.</p><p> </p><p>“Guilt,” you admit after a moment. “I already got my revenge, just not the way I wanted.”</p><p> </p><p>“Was it killing the king?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did it fix things for you?” Again, the question makes you pause and bite at your lip. You look away from San’s wide eyes in favor of eyeing the wall past his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“It didn’t fix anything. If anything, it made things worse.”</p><p> </p><p>“A-Ah, I see. Thank you for telling me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You should try to get some rest,” you whisper, forcing a small smile onto your lips. San releases a quiet laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“You need it more than I do.” He stretches a hand out, and the pads of his fingers brush over the bruises across your throat. The touch causes you to shiver, goosebumps rising across your skin. “I’m – I’m not sure why but I feel the need to protect you. I feel guilty that you got hurt by someone I used to know. I feel guilty for not being there sooner. Not noticing you were gone. Just… not being there. I want to – I want to protect you and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”</p><p> </p><p>Your heart jumps a little before constricting painfully. You need to leave before this goes any further, you need to get out before you get too attached. You don’t want to hurt San but staying now would only make things worse in the long run, and it would make it harder to leave. Perhaps if you weren’t so adamant about leaving, you would lean across the empty space between you and press a kiss to his lips.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, you withdraw your hand from his cheek and roll onto your back.</p><p> </p><p>“You should get some rest, San. I’ll be here.”</p><p> </p><p>Except you won’t. The lie almost hurts. Almost.</p><p> </p><p>San nods in response but doesn’t move. His eyelids flutter shut, and you watch his breathing carefully. It takes too long for his chest to reach a steady pace, but his breathing finally finds a rhythm that you recognize as sleep. You push the sheets back and stand up as slowly and quietly as you can. The bed doesn’t squeak as you get up, but the light from the hallway filters in as you crack the door open. It’s not enough to hit San or wake him up thankfully. You linger in the doorway, eyeing him again.</p><p> </p><p>It almost hurts to leave. Almost.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>omgomgomgo it’s 10k wtf how did that happen im SORRY y’all are in for a long ass ride, in the words of mark lee. but for real i really hope you enjoy this part even tho it’s so long and i’d love love love to know what you think and all that jazz so please let me know! 🥺 ((also im so sorry for hurting san i swear it’ll get better i promise it’s gonna be okay just not for a lil bit aosijdfoijsdf))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Act Two - Part Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p>Even though you’re wearing shoes, the stairs somehow feel cold under your feet as you walk down to the lobby of the hotel. You are almost free, steps away from the door that will get you out of this mess. You shouldn’t have stayed as long as you did; Daichi would tear into you if he knew, and you’re well aware that he would be right to do so. You had a lapse of judgment, a moment of stupidity, and now you will have to pay the price in guilt as you walk further away from where San is sleeping. You wish you could be nonchalant and firm, say that you aren’t bothered in the slightest and this is the easiest thing you’ve ever done. Part of you just wishes that you could be more cruel.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The number of people you’ve killed should’ve done that, it should have hardened you and made you numb to things like this. Yet here you are struggling to keep it together because you don’t think you really want to walk away like this.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Your feet hit the last step, and you freeze in place, eyes wide as you look across the lobby towards the bar. You weren’t expecting to see the platinum-haired captain sitting upon one of the bar stools, and you certainly couldn’t think of a worse time to happen across him like this. Yet there he sits, back towards you with a clear glass in hand and elbows propped on the counter. Seeing him reminds you of the two men you passed in the streets earlier, the main reason you got separated from San in the first place.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>“No, but a newly formed bandit crew is on their way to ambush him later in the night. Around one in the morning, according to my sources.”</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>He’s back sooner than he said he would be, but he is in one piece, which could be a sign that the ambush didn’t work. Still, you debate going over to where he’s sitting. It lowers your chances of leaving but your gut is begging you to go over to him.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You end up following your gut in the end, walking over to where Hongjoong is sitting with dragging feet. He glances back at you when you approach. You stop in your tracks, scared to go any further, but the captain tilts his head towards the bar counter.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Care for a drink? Or are you in a hurry to leave?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You tilt your head to the side upon hearing Hongjoong’s question.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“How did you know I was planning to leave?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“It was obvious,” Hongjoong says through a sigh. “Frankly, I knew before I even put you on the mission.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Why did you put me on it then?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Rather than answering right away, Hongjoong motions towards the empty stool beside him. You take the hint and step around the chair to sit down next to him.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Drink?” Hongjoong asks once you sit down.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“J-Just whiskey on the rocks,” you stammer. The bartender nods and moves away to get the drink. Hongjoong looks back at you, eyes narrowed and searching yours with an unreadable emotion.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I wanted you to come so that I could see what you would do. I was curious, to put it simply. You’re leaving later than I thought you would in all honesty. When your line went dead on the comms, I assumed that you had crushed it and decided to leave then.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Are you… are you disappointed in my decision?” You ask the question with great hesitance. Part of you would rather not hear an answer at all, even though Hongjoong’s opinion shouldn’t matter to you in the slightest. The captain laughs a bit. He watches the bartender carefully as the man brings you your drink, sliding it across the wood counter. You don’t touch it right away, however, still waiting for Hongjoong’s answer.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Why do I need to be disappointed? You have no obligations to me or my crew. I don’t force anyone to stay on my crew if they don’t want to.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You aren’t sure how to respond to that. It’s better than hearing that he is disappointed in you, but you hate how open-ended his response is. It only makes you feel worse about your decision.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“The lead… was it a dead one?” You shift the subject, closing your fingers around the chilled glass before you.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“No, but my client is a dead one.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“What happened?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“There was an ambush and my client was shot before telling me everything he knew.” Hongjoong shrugs as though it’s the most normal explanation in the universe. He takes a long drag from his own drink and throws the alcohol back with ease.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“But you got away uninjured?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Of course I did. Those that ambushed me paid their dues for what they did.” You sip at your drink nervously upon hearing his explanation. You somehow keep forgetting the reputation of the man you’re dealing with, the body count he carries with him, and how dangerous he actually is. A small grin plays at his lips. “I got enough information to move onto the next lead though. And I have three more leads after that. The trail isn’t dead yet.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Why so much effort? All for Sirens? What’s the point?” You can’t keep yourself from releasing the string of questions. Your curiosity gets the better of you more often than not, and now is no exception. One of Hongjoong’s brows shoots up at your curiosity as though he wasn’t expecting you to ask him that.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“What do you know about Sirens, Miss L/N?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>“Someone near you is a dangerous threat, one that you’ve never encountered before. You must be careful. Guard yourself wisely.”</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Your gaze hardens on Hongjoong, Daichi’s words of warning resounding in your head. “Not much.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Well, there are five Sirens left in the universe according to rumors. Legend has it that each one bears special markings, insignias of royalty and status. Each Siren bears a special title, a moniker assigned to them at birth in place of a real name, something akin to a status symbol like their markings. They’re a unique and dying breed of people primarily due to the fact that pirates and the military capture Sirens. They’re kept as slaves, used as objects to do their master’s bidding, or used as a source of energy and power. The military uses Sirens as siphons for weaponry, which you’ve surely heard from your time in the military. The way they do it is by plugging a tube between the Siren’s shoulder blades. It’s apparently the sweet spot for drawing out the most power. Powers vary from Siren to Siren, and there are no absolute certainties about the extent of a Siren’s power. Some have been noted to read minds or emotions, but that seems to be a rare genetic mutation in them. Most have the ability to alter the density of objects and bodies, which is why Sirens are so valuable to pirates and thieves. Easily morph through objects, slip into places unnoticed, kill with no weapons except their hands. But that’s all pointless information in the long run. I don’t care about their powers or abilities or what you can siphon out of them.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“W-What do you care about then?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“It is said that five Sirens together can unlock one of the universe’s most secret and valuable treasures, although no man has ever laid eyes on it or lived to tell anyone where the treasure might me. I want it for myself. I want to find it and be the person who lives to tell the tale.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Why?” You press further as you take sip after sip of your drink.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“If I do that then I’ll live forever. Maybe not physically but I’ll forever be known as the finder of the treasure.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Do you care about the treasure or just the aspect of finding it?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Hongjoong purses his lips, smirk falling away as he moves, and he looks up at the ceiling. “It’s hard to desire a treasure that you don’t know.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“It’s also hard to pursue a legend that may or may not be true,” you counter. Hongjoong sounds genuine enough but you don’t trust his smile as he speaks. It’s more than just living forever, and it’s more than being the person who finds the supposed treasure. He chuckles at little at your words and looks back down at his drink.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“You have a point. I don’t care though. It’s my goal in life, and I’ll stop at nothing to find that treasure.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“There has to be more to it than that,” you argue again. It just doesn’t sit right with you. Your curiosity is going to get the better of you, and you know that all too well. “There’s no way that it’s as simple as that.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“You’re smart, I’ll give you that.” Hongjoong thumbs at the rim of his glass before glancing over at you. “I can’t tell you. If I am going to share that with you, you have to remain on the crew. I have to be able to trust you with the information. I don’t tell anyone my reasons for finding Sirens. So I don’t have to tell you.” A sigh leaves your lips.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Fair enough,” you murmur before downing the rest of your drink. “Another, please.” The bartender takes your now empty glass.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“One more drink before you leave then?” Hongjoong inquires.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I have to go,” you say even though it’s not what Hongjoong asked. The question lingered in his words, there enough for you to pick up on it.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Why? Unless you plan to keep it to yourself.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I can’t afford to stay. Besides, I never planned to stay this long.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Hongjoong nods a few times then passes his glass to the bartender when the man returns with your new drink.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“A half glass, if you would.” Hongjoong leans back in his seat. “I didn’t offer you a place on the crew lightly. It wasn’t just to make you feel good about yourself or needed. I truly see a place for you on the crew, one that has been empty and hollow for a long while.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Why don’t you just recruit people from Echidna then? Replace me.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I have done that in the past. Many a time. The largest my crew ever got was around seventy-four crewmates. Fifty percent left after my first announcement that I was hunting down Sirens. Half of the remaining crew left after the first year. Once we dwindled down to thirteen, things stabilized for a time. We maintained that number for quite some time. When shit hit the fan, it happened fast. One by one we slowly reached eight crew members and it’s kept since then.” You try to hide your surprise, but your jaw falls open slightly upon hearing Hongjoong’s explanation.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“You could have forced them to stay. Kept the numbers, had more people.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Hongjoong releases another dry laugh. “And what? Is it better to have a loyal few or the disloyal many? I prefer the few. Why risk having a crew full of people you can’t trust? It’s pointless. Trust is what relationships are built upon. Trust is where it begins.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You hesitate to mull over his words, toying with the ice in your glass blankly for a few moments.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>San… he opened up to me. Trusted me. He was so quick to do so. As though there wasn’t a doubt in his mind about what my intentions were. </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Did you know that San’s former crew was here?” You ask all of a sudden. Hongjoong’s eyes widen as he searches your expression for answers.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Well, that’s a surprise. I didn’t expect San to open up so quickly with you.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Because he was <em>hurting</em>,” you hiss in response, fingers curling into a tight fist again the counter.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“What happened?” The lightness leaves Hongjoong’s tone, and he becomes serious again in the blink of an eye.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I was attacked and dragged into an alley by a Berserker. When San came to help me, he recognized the woman from his old crew.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Was it Taskmaster Cara?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You nod hastily in response to Hongjoong’s question. A string of curses leaves his lips, and now he’s the one to clench a fist against the wood.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Did you know or not?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I knew they were here because this is where their base is. I had no clue that you would get attacked by Cara of all people. That’s was never the goal.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“The <em>goal</em>?” Your tone turns incredulous. Hongjoong refuses to look at your enraged expression; instead, he thumbs at his glass with little interest.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I wasn’t planning on telling you. Since you’re leaving anyway, I’ll just tell you. The goal was to have you and San go into the city. After buying the supplies, San was supposed to pull away and get separated from you. Act like he wasn’t himself or wasn’t okay. It was meant to be a test to see whether you would stay or go. Since I already thought you were going to leave, I wanted to test your loyalties to new people and see how genuine you were. However, you were just supposed to get separated. There were never any plans of attack or ambush or anything like that. Just to see if you would take the opportunity to leave when you were alone, even after San and Seonghwa both told you not to separate.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I wouldn’t have just left him like that,” you argue. Hongjoong’s assumptions about you are teetering on offensive, and you can’t help but feel hurt by his words.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Yet you are now,” he counters. You jerk your head back towards the counter when he meets your eyes. “Am I wrong?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Be quiet.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I asked if I was wrong. What did San tell you, Y/N?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“He told me everything,” you spit out.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“You are leaving him then. He opened up to you, put everything out there for you, told you the parts of him that he hates more than anything. He put his heart in your hands. And you still want to walk away after that? Do you realize what that would do to him? Wake up to an empty bed? Never see you again? That’s not just breaking trust. It’s hurting him.” Hongjoong pauses to reach down, and a moment later he pulls his pistol up. You straighten your back automatically, eyeing his movements as he sets the gun down on the bar counter. “Get out of that chair with any intention to leave, and I’ll put a bullet in you. I won’t let you hurt him like that.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“How would he feel about you killing me then?” You ask, trying to conceal the sudden surge of fear that courses through your system upon hearing Hongjoong’s threat. “How is that any better than me leaving?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Because San won’t know the difference. I’ll get rid of your body and the witnesses if I have to. I refuse to let you waltz in and make things worse for San by leaving. If you were going to leave, you should’ve done it before he opened up to you.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Stop.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Why should I? I’m only making you aware of the issue. San is my crewmate, someone I chose for my crew myself, my brother in arms. It’s my responsibility as a captain to look after my members, and I will do whatever it takes to do just that. If you try to walk out that door, then you are an obstacle and I will take you down.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“It’s not as though I’m leaving easily. It hurts and I feel guilty about it. San has saved my life twice now and for what? For me to get him to open up about his past trauma then leave? I know it’s shitty and a fucking awful move. But I have to go. There’s no way around it. I wasn’t supposed to stay this long anyway, so maybe it would be easier for you to shoot me. Save me the guilt of leaving.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Then you deserve to live with the guilt. If you’d be so selfish and heartless, then it’s what you’ve earned.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“He told me that he felt the need to protect me. He felt guilty because I was hurt by someone he knew and for not being there sooner. For not noticing I was gone sooner. He said he doesn’t want it to happen again. The last time someone said that to me, they were murdered for crimes that were not their own. They died for <em>me</em>. You can’t blame me for being traumatized.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Hongjoong’s gaze hardens on you. His eyes are filled with contempt and anger, and for a second, you think he really might shoot you where you’re sitting now.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“You’re choosing the easy way out then. Running away from your problems rather than facing them. There is no way of knowing whether the future will be a repeat of the past. You can only be sure of the present and whatever happens is either a choice of your own or of fate. It was fate that gave me <em>The Horizon</em>. But it was choice that brought me to where I am now. It was choice that landed you in your current predicament, but I know that it was fate that put you in my path. You can walk away from fate and choose uncertainty. Or you can walk back upstairs and let fate decide the rest.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Why do you think it’s a good idea to threaten me into staying?” You hiss in response. Your grip on your glass tightens. “What happened to giving your crewmates a choice?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I gave you a choice. I’ve changed my mind after all, and I want you to live with the guilt of your actions. That’s worse than death for certain.” Hongjoong reaches forward and grabs his pistol again, pushing it back into its holster. “You are free to make your choice whenever. I’ll know what you chose in the morning.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Hongjoong pushes his stool back, the wood grating against the floor and creating an unpleasant sound. He pulls away from the counter and moves for the stairs. You turn to watch him go out of sheer curiosity. He pauses at the base of the stairs. Dark eyes find yours again.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I’m not asking you to respect <em>me.</em> I am asking you to respect my crew, San in particular. It’s as simple as that, Y/N. I hope you make the right choice.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>He disappears up the stairs, floorboards creaking under his movements, and you find yourself suddenly alone at the bar counter. It’s not a pleasant feeling that you’re left with, and the alcohol does little to ease your concerns. You wish you could drink it away, but at the end of the day, you are either staying or going.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You could leave and forget any of this ever happened. Not think about Hongjoong or Wooyoung or Seonghwa or <em>San</em> ever again. Try to forget it all, forget the ones back on the ship, forget everything about your stay. Just focus on handing in the papers and disappearing again. Perhaps you could finally pay for your own crimes in efforts to gain forgiveness. You aren’t sure that’s what you truly want though. The biggest thing stopping you is San. How he might react if you leave. Would he be angry at you? Upset? Hurt maybe? All of the above? You don’t want to see hurt on his face because of your actions.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>What’s more important in the end? You’ve been running for so long that part of you wants to be free from it. And yet…</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You push your stool back and stand up. There will be other opportunities to turn in the papers. You’ll have another chance. This isn’t your only one, and you’re confident that you can have another shot at freedom. But this isn’t an opportunity. This is something else, and you can’t just walk out now. You return to the foot of the stairs, climbing them slowly and carefully. They creak a bit under your feet, especially as you reach the top. Your hand hesitates on the handle of the door, and you glance back down the stairs. It’s a quick debate: whether you should just take off running or enter the room. You twist the knob and step inside, slipping off your shoes again when you close the door.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The sheets are cold when you slip under them. San doesn’t seem to have moved at all, eyes still pressed shut. You settle against the mattress facing him and let your gaze trail over his features as you continue to think about your decision.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I thought you left for good,” San says all of a sudden. His eyes crack open and meet yours through the darkness.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“No… I didn’t,” you whisper back. “I couldn’t go yet.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>San releases a small laugh.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Yet,” he echoes. He stretches a hand out, catching yours with his own, and you flinch under the sudden touch. He pulls your hand towards his chest. You rest your palm against the place over his heart, barely feeling the steady beat. “I’m okay with ‘yet’ for now.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Something about his tone compels you to slide forward on the bed, pushing closer to San, and he meets you halfway. Your foreheads collide with a slight smack. You both laugh when you hit each other, then San rests his forehead back against yours with a small smile playing at his lips.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“You’re warm.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Don’t get the wrong idea,” you huff as San drapes an arm over your side.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Thank you.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Get so–”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Y/N. Thank you. For listening and… and for coming back.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I won’t leave this time,” you mutter. You can feel heat radiating from San’s cheeks even though you can’t see the flush to his skin.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I’ll hold you all night to make sure you don’t,” San whispers back. Hot breath fans over your lips. You aren’t sure what comes over you but you lift the hand resting against San’s chest to trace over the outline of his lips with two fingers. He smiles into the touch.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I’m scared to let you in,” you admit, bring your gaze back up to San’s eyes. He’s looking back at you with a gentleness in his eyes that catches you off-guard.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“You don’t have to let me in yet. Just try to trust me.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Okay… okay. I can do that.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Then that’s more than enough.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>San leans his head back against the pillow but you take hold of his chin and pull him back to your face once more. It’s prompt and chaste, slightly awkward too, but you slot your lips against his in a rush. San inhales sharply at the sudden pressure. He melts into the soft kiss, pushing back with equal gentleness. He pulls away too soon for your liking, but the smile that resides on his lips as he falls asleep makes your decision to stay more than worth it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>it's that time of day on a Tuesday, here we are at your regularly scheduled programming yEEHAW! info dump chapter but i hope you guys enjoy and like this part even if it's not super action packed after the last chapter soijfdoijfoi i love you guys thank you so much for the continued support and love for this story it means the world</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Act Two - Part Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You wake up with a start, stirred awake by some nightmare that leaves your mind the moment you open your eyes. For a second, you don’t remember where you are or what’s going on, but the sudden soreness that spreads across your neck reminds you of what happened the previous day. The skin is sensitive under your fingers; there’s bruising surely but you don’t really want to look at the evidence of your near death. Your eyes shift to the other side of the bed, expecting to find San there since you vaguely remember falling asleep with his hand in yours.</p><p> </p><p>You drop said hand to your lap, looking at the skin of your palm as though it’s going to speak back at you and explain what happened last night. You don’t remember a thing after he said that he was going to make sure that you wouldn't go anywhere again. Everything is blank and empty after that, no traces of any other memories from that point on. Perhaps it’s for the better but you can’t help but feel that you are missing something important that happened during the night.</p><p> </p><p>You try not to dwell on it though; instead, you pull yourself up from the bed and cast a glance over at the bathroom door. It’s wide open, which you find odd because you at least recall shutting it after your shower last night.</p><p> </p><p>“San must have left already,” you mutter to yourself as you bend down to grab your shoes. You slip them on with haste, hand rushing to touch your neck when a surge of pain jolts through it. It doesn’t bother you much after that, maybe it had some sort of crick in it from an awkward position in the night or maybe that Taskmaster Cara fucked you up worse than you initially thought.</p><p> </p><p>You let your hand fall back to your side as you step out into the hall. For some reason you expect San to be waiting just outside the door, leaning up against the wall and ready to chastise you for sleeping so late, but the hall is empty. You descend the stairs in the hopes of finding him there, still unsure as to why you’re craving his presence so badly all of a sudden.</p><p> </p><p>However, again, San is nowhere in sight in the lobby of the hotel. Rather it’s only Wooyoung, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong who stand downstairs. They’re close to the door, Seonghwa and Hongjoong locked in what seems to be a heated discussion and Wooyoung stands a bit off to the side and watches on with wide eyes. As soon as you reach the bottom step, Wooyoung catches sight of you. He turns towards you, grinning from ear to ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning,” he greets as you walk closer to him, his tone soft and melodious compared to Hongjoong’s slightly grating tone that carries over to your ear. Seonghwa twists at the waist when he hears Wooyoung speaking, and his eyes trail over your shorter form in confusion for a brief moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Y/N. Did you sleep alright?”</p><p> </p><p>Rather than looking back at Seonghwa, you stare past him to look Hongjoong in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It was choice that landed you in your current predicament, but I know that it was fate that put you in my path. You can walk away from fate and choose uncertainty. Or you can walk back upstairs and let fate decide the rest.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>You want to know what he’s thinking, you wish you could see into his mind and understand what exactly is going on in there. Hongjoong’s expression remains flat and blank. You can’t read anything on it, and he doesn’t help you along at all, staying silent and unmoving as your stare trails over him. It’s impossible to know how he feels about seeing that you decided to stay.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“I slept just fine,” you answer at last. Your eyes drag back up to meet Seonghwa’s again, lingering this time. “My neck hurts a bit but not too much.”</p><p> </p><p>“It looks a lot worse than it hurts, most likely,” Wooyoung mentions. Hot breath hits your neck as the man suddenly leans in and inspects the bruising up close. “It looks like you nearly lost the fight, to be honest. Pretty good impressions of fingers on your skin though. Almost impressive.” Wooyoung pulls back and sends a lopsided smile your way, one that you return with half the amount of enthusiasm.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, how kinky,” you huff. Wooyoung chokes on his saliva. Seonghwa’s brows shoot up and he blinks at the floor a few times before clearing his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“A-ha, is San coming down soon?” He asks after he recovers himself a bit. You tilt your head to the side at the question.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not in the room or upstairs at all. At least he wasn’t when I woke up not too long ago. I just assumed that meant he had already come down.”</p><p> </p><p>“No…” Seonghwa trails off and turns back towards Hongjoong. The two stand completely still, exchanging glances without saying anything for a few moments. There is a sudden and obvious spike of tension between the four of you, one that you can’t pinpoint but Hongjoong clarifies it.</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking shit,” he cusses, nearly elbowing Seonghwa and Wooyoung out of the way as he pushes towards the door. The lieutenant rushes to follow and calls out his name. You blink at the spot where the two men just stood then glance up to Wooyoung. He shrugs, obviously just as confused as you are, then moves to follow Seonghwa outside as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Take Wooyoung and Y/N back to the ship immediately,” Hongjoong orders as you all step outside. The heat is unbearable despite it still being early morning, and the sun nearly blinds you. You have to shield your eyes with the back of your hand, squinting at Hongjoong as he continues speaking. “Get Mingi and bring him back with you. Meet me near the warehouse district. Move as quickly as possible. Chances are San has ahead start on us, and it could be a few hours for all we know so we operate as though we’re behind. I’ll check the radar once I start heading that way.”</p><p> </p><p>“O-Okay, but what’s going on?” You stammer out. You regret asking less than a second later because Hongjoong’s rage-filled stare lands on your form next. You freeze under it, swallowing harshly and trying to stare back with equal heat.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s pretty fucking obvious,” he spits in response. “San went to the warehouse where Taskmaster Cara said she would be. He decided to get his revenge.”</p><p> </p><p>Your mind goes completely and utterly blank. You don’t have words, and certainly have no clue how you’re supposed to explain that you were the one who talked about revenge with San last night. Your resolve returns quickly though.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m staying,” you demand. Heat reaches your gaze, and your confidence swells as you stare Hongjoong in the eye. He doesn’t flinch, however, and his glare continues to harden on you. “I have to stay.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Captain–”</p><p> </p><p>“I said no.”</p><p> </p><p>“With all due respect <em>Captain</em>,” you start again, teeth pressed together so hard that your jaw aches from the pressure. “I have to stay.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t trust you to follow orders given your behavior with Yeosang on the last mission. This is my job, San is my crewmate, San is my responsibility. No one else’s. Seonghwa and Mingi are meant to be merely reinforcements if things head south. So, Lieutenant, you can hurry the fuck up and get going.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong doesn’t wait to hear Seonghwa’s affirmation or approval. He spins on his heel and breaks into a sprint without missing a beat. It only takes a second for his form to disappear in the midst of the morning crowd in the city. Seonghwa watches the man go with wide eyes and mouth agape. He stares at the place where he just was long after Hongjoong is gone, only recovering when Wooyoung nudges him in the side. He grabs for Wooyoung’s shoulder and pulls him forward.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go. We need to hurry.” Seonghwa lifts a hand and motions for you to follow as well, but you stay rooted to the spot. You accentuate your refusal by crossing your arms over your chest, eyes glaring into Seonghwa’s head even though he isn’t looking at you at the moment. “Y/N, we need to go.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa shifts to look back at you.</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t go. I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck is going through your head? We need to hurry. Hongjoong is already on his way to San, but we have to go <em>now</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“I have a debt to repay. San wouldn’t have gone after the crew or the taskmaster if not for me.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you tal–”</p><p> </p><p>“If I hadn’t been dragged off by Cara, he wouldn’t have even thought about them or his past. It’s my fault San went off for revenge and my fault we’re in this mess in the first place,” you explain, teeth gritted together so hard that it hurts your jaw. “I’m not going to let anything happen to San because of something that is on me and me alone. I won’t let that happen to anyone ever again.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa’s gaze lingers on you, and he doesn’t move or speak for a little while. It’s wasting precious time, time that you could be using to catch up with San, but you don’t press the lieutenant any further.</p><p> </p><p>“The warehouse is a ways away but you can easily get there in less than thirty minutes if you hurry,” he relents at last. He drops his right hand to his left wrist and pops the wristband there off. He passes the device over to you, but you hesitate, staring at him in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“No! No, no, Lieutenant,” Wooyoung cuts in. He stretches between you, stopping Seonghwa’s arm as it draws closer to you, and you both turn to blink at him in shock. “W-Wait, you can have mine. Y/N, take mine instead.” Wooyoung pulls back to yank his own wristband off, then reaches up to pull his earpiece out as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Why can’t I just use my own wristband? It was only my earpiece that broke.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, you’ll need a replacement from the ship. Each earpiece is paired to a wristband, so we can’t just replace them on the fly like this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, understood.” You pop your band off and hold it out to Seonghwa, and he snatches it before Wooyoung has the chance to.</p><p> </p><p>“You have to take mine. You’ll be able to track Hongjoong’s location on it, as well as San’s. But it’s a two-way street. Both will be able to see your movements as well. If you take my earpiece and wristband, then it will look like I’m the one showing up on the tracker and not you. But if you took Wooyoung’s, Hongjoong would panic even more because he would see Wooyoung traveling alone. It’s best if you take mine for now, and once I’m back with Mingi I won’t need it anyway.” Seonghwa fastens his band around your wrist and tightens it as needed to fit your arm. “I’ll show you how to pull up locations too.”</p><p> </p><p>You let Seonghwa go to work on the tiny screen, repeating his actions in your head so you can remember what to do later. Sure enough, a small map pops up eventually and you can see a dot with small initials beside it – PSH. It must be Seonghwa, because there is another set of initials beside his that read ‘JWY’. Seonghwa swipes his finger across the screen, the map zooms out, and two more dots appear. One is a simple ‘CS’ and the other reads ‘KHJ’, and it’s easy to assume which one belongs to each man. Seonghwa hesitates as he looks at the dots.</p><p> </p><p>“San is moving very slowly. We might have a bit more time than I thought initially. Still, it’s going to take me at least four hours if not more to be back with Mingi.”</p><p> </p><p>“The transport train,” you mutter, sudden realization washing over you. The lieutenant nods a couple times in confirmation.</p><p> </p><p>“Hurry. Try to catch up to San before he gets to the warehouse.” Seonghwa doesn’t pull back quite yet though. Instead, he continues to fiddle with the band without cease, only stopping to explain once he’s completely done. “I switched the channel over to a different one. I’ll match Wooyoung’s to it as well. If anything happens, you need to tell me. I’ll be listening through Wooyoung.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa shifts to grab Wooyoung’s wristband as well, popping it back onto his wrist. You glance up at Wooyoung’s face and catch his stare on you. The two of you exchange a glance. It’s one full of nerves and anxiety; Wooyoung keeps gnawing at his lower lip. The skin is nearly raw under his teeth but he still doesn’t stop. If you knew how to reassure him, you might try; however, you’re in an equal state of confusion and panic so you can’t do anything. The most you can manage is a thin-lipped smile that Wooyoung doesn’t acknowledge. The pit in your gut grows larger.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s all set,” Seonghwa says as he stands up straight. His hand goes to his ear to pluck the small earpiece out, and he hands that over to you as well after wiping it on his sleeve. You take it and put it into your own ear. An awkward silence envelops the three of you after that.</p><p> </p><p>“Well…” You start, shifting your weight from foot to foot. “I guess I should hurry.” You step past Seonghwa, ready to start sprinting after Hongjoong, but Seonghwa catches you by the wrist first. You glance back at the tall man. A few strands of black hair have fallen over his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Keep Hongjoong safe,” he asks, tone so quiet you can barely hear it over the din of the streets. The grip on your hand tightens. “Please.”</p><p> </p><p>There is genuine concern in Seonghwa’s eyes as he says the words. It catches you off-guard, especially since you think that Hongjoong should be one to look after himself as the captain, but Seonghwa seems so desperate to hear that you’ll at least try to keep him safe in his stead.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll do my best,” you mutter in response. Seonghwa’s hand shifts up to your shoulder. He squeezes your arm tight.</p><p> </p><p>“Be careful.”</p><p> </p><p>You shift to glance at Wooyoung one more time. His face still bears the same worried expression as it did before, but he doesn’t speak like Seonghwa does.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be fine. You should get going.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa nods a few times in response. His hand shifts from your shoulder to Wooyoung’s back. Without another word, Seonghwa and Wooyoung walk into the crowd. You’re left alone for the first time in weeks. Not “left alone on the ship in your room” because that doesn’t count but really <em>alone</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Despite choosing to stay last night, you really could up and disappear this time. That thought does cross your mind, but you are also hyperaware of the fact that San could be striding to his death in attempts to get whatever revenge he desires. And that’s not something you can sit back and let happen, because as much as you hate to admit it, Hongjoong had a point the previous night.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re choosing the easy way out then. Running away from your problems rather than facing them. There is no way of knowing whether the future will be a repeat of the past. You can only be sure of the present and whatever happens is either a choice of your own or of fate.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>As much as you want to run away and escape, it truly is the easy way out. And for once you don’t think you want to take the easy way out. You wait until Seonghwa and Wooyoung disappear from sight completely before taking off after Hongjoong. It’s hard to figure out which path he took since the city bears so many winding roads. The only way for you to know which way he went is through the small map on your wristband, and even with that, it’s hard to see because of the minuscule size.</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong’s dot on the map moves with haste while San’s still moves rather slowly. You can’t quell the panic in your gut. There are too many possibilities running through your head at the moment. What if he’s already been caught? Maybe he found them and turned himself in? Why would he do that? Is he really going for revenge? Could it be a suicide mission instead? But why? There are far too many questions and not enough answers. With each possibility you think of, more anxiety bubbles in your gut until you aren’t even able to properly breathe because of it.</p><p> </p><p>You duck into an alleyway first chance you get. It gives you a chance to have some space to breathe, get away from the crowds, and just take a moment to collect yourself some before continuing after Hongjoong and San. You kneel against the dirt and place your hands on your knees. Your eyes fall shut as well, and you let yourself slip ever so slightly into a state of calm.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What would Daichi say? Examine everything. Recall all the information and relay it forward. Talk yourself through what is going on then decide what the best course of action may be. Easy enough. I can do that. What did San say about getting revenge?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m scared of hating myself more than before if I do get my revenge. There won’t be any going back from it if I kill them all. I’m also afraid of regretting it if I don’t do it and take the chance. I j-just don’t know what I want, and that’s almost more terrifying.”<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He’s hesitant still. Maybe that’s why he’s moving so slowly. He hasn’t committed. Made an impulse decision and went for it without thinking. Now he’s thinking about it and wondering if it’s still the best course of action. Probably knows that Hongjoong and I – well, Seonghwa – are chasing after him now. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m – I’m not sure why but I feel the need to protect you. I feel guilty that you got hurt by someone I used to know. I feel guilty for not being there sooner. Not noticing you were gone. Just… not being there. I want to – I want to protect you and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Surely he can’t be walking to his death if he said that… Would he suffer the guilt to do so though?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>You lift your chin, eyes cracking open once more. With a quick glance at your wristband, you gauge where both Hongjoong and San are. Hongjoong has come to a sudden stop on the map, the dot flashing before your eyes, and you tilt your head to the side to watch it.</p><p> </p><p>Then a gunshot resounds somewhere ahead of you. You whip your chin up to look in the direction of the shot, but there’s no telling whether it came from where San is or where Hongjoong is. You don’t bother dusting off your knees before breaking into a sprint. People carry on in the streets as though the sound of a gun is totally normal and regular. You weave through the crowds of people with haste, but it’s hard to move fast and avoid knocking into them so you smack a few shoulders along the way. Your earpiece crackles to life not long after the gunshot resounds.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on? Who shot a gun? Are you okay? Where are San and Hongjoong?” Wooyoung shouts over the intercom. You wince from the volume of his voice in your ear.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine,” you grumble back. “The gunshot didn’t come from me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you see anything at least? Fighting? Hongjoong maybe? San?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m still trying to catch up. Hongjoong isn’t too far ahead, but he’s stopped moving.”</p><p> </p><p>“Be careful,” Wooyoung whispers, his voice falling quiet. “Seonghwa says the same.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” you say back. “You do the same.”</p><p> </p><p>“We will.”</p><p> </p><p>The channel goes quiet again after that. You try your best to maintain the pace you’re going at, because thanks to Hongjoong’s sudden halt, you’re catching up faster than you thought you would. According to the map, San has moved a bit in the opposite direction, nearly backtracked his steps some before continuing forward. Part of you wonders if he’s stopping to check his wristband as well, or if it was the gunshot that made him pause for a bit.</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong’s dot on the map grows ever closer. You shove through a group of people – earning yourself quite a few curses and threats – and land yourself in a finally empty roadway. You glance across the road, finding the reason why it’s so empty with ease and the reason why Hongjoong quit moving.</p><p> </p><p>He stands in the middle of the street with two pistols out and at the ready, a body at his feet that must have fallen victim to the random gunshot that echoed through the streets. Hongjoong isn’t alone though; he’s surrounded by eight thugs who seem to have the same idea. All have their own weapons pointed at Hongjoong’s head.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: okay here we are a little late but here nonetheless!!! i’m so sorry for the delay i was not expecting my dad to bring the kitten in so early and honestly wasn’t even expecting to get a kitten at all so that’s my bad but aosdifiojd i cut this chapter off a tad early because i wanna save a majority of the ~action~ for the next chapter~~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Act Two - Part Five</h2></a>
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    <p></p><div class="">
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    <p>
      <em>He stands in the middle of the street with two pistols out and at the ready, a body at his feet that must have fallen victim to the random gunshot that echoed through the streets. Hongjoong isn’t alone though; he’s surrounded by eight thugs who seem to have the same idea. All have their own weapons pointed at Hongjoong’s head.</em>
    </p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong’s whole body is rigid and straight. Both arms are extended at ninety-degree angles, and the captain is ready to fire at any second. The silence is palpable, you can taste the tension on the back of your tongue, and no one moves. You are still at a far enough distance to be out of sight and out of mind. It leaves an opportunity. San’s little dot is still moving on your wristband, and there is a narrow alleyway off to your left that could grant you a shortcut if you decided to take it. Slowly, your right hand creeps down to the holster where your pistol sits. You drag two fingers over the metal with a hesitant touch.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You shouldn’t even have to hesitate. It’s Kim Hongjoong – The Scourge of the Black Sea. He should be more than capable of handling himself and yet. And <em>yet</em>. Your feet refuse to move towards the alleyway. Leaving doesn’t sit right with you, especially after Seonghwa specifically asked you to make sure Hongjoong stays safe. You exhale a huff of air, nearly rolling your eyes at your internal debate, then tug the pistol out.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You slip into view, gun lining up with the head of one of the thugs in an instant. He catches sight of you with ease, and his own weapon shifts to aim at you.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Fuck!‌ Scourge brought back up,” he curses, jerking his head in your direction. It prompts a few of the other men to glance over at you, but Hongjoong remains rigid and unmoving. He’s almost like a statue in his stillness. Even with so many guns pointed at him, he’s stoic and unnerved. Then the dynamic shifts.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong fires his right pistol, sending a thug cascading to the ground with a thud and quick death. In the same motion, he ducks down and sweeps his leg under the bandit next to the fallen one. As he falls, Hongjoong fires both pistols into his chest. You take the opportunity to dash forward, feet skidding across the dirt-covered road. The thug directly before you whips around and aims at you, but you drop to the ground, using your momentum to swing for his legs. He slams against the cobblestone with a grunt of pain, and you straddle his chest to put a bullet between his eyes. Your hand snaps up to fire again at the soldier above you, his gun midway to aiming for your head.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong matches your haste, not even bothering to glance at you as you move, and the two of you dance around each other as though locked in a dangerous dance of death. Metal flashes across your vision. A blade comes close to sweeping over your chest, but you crack the flat of your hand against the owner’s wrist, and the weapon falls away uselessly. Your fingers close around that wrist and yank the body forward. You don’t have to turn to know that another thug is preparing to fire at you; his curses and shouts are indication enough. You duck behind the one you’ve got in your grasp just before the shot resounds.‌ The bullet buries itself in the chest of the thug before you, and you knock the limp body away to face the one who shot at you.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>However, you don’t have the chance to fire back because Hongjoong beats you to it. Two bullets find a new home in the bandit. Then a thick arm locks around Hongjoong’s throat, yanking him back and causing one of his pistols to fall to the ground. You don’t hesitate or wait to line up a shot. Instead, you fire with confidence that you won’t hit Hongjoong, and your confidence isn’t misplaced because you hit the thug in the temple.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>The shot leaves one man left standing. He doesn’t seem to know who to aim at first, glancing between you and Hongjoong with eyes blown in fear. The gun trembles in his hands, a grating rattling resounding from the weapon, and he settles on aiming at Hongjoong. Said man tilts his head to the side as he looks over the thug.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Run,” he commands, tone icy and flat. “Before I change my mind.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>The mercy is enough for the man, and he nods hastily. His gun falls to the ground alongside the bodies. He takes off running down the street. You watch his retreating back with little interest. Then, a gunshot echoes through the street. The thug collapses facefirst into the dirt. You jerk to glance back at Hongjoong. He doesn’t speak, nor does his blank expression shift in the slightest. All he does is holster his gun in silence, then bends down to collect his fallen pistol and holster it as well.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You shouldn’t be surprised by the action.‌ The Scourge has a reputation for being cruel, but you still feel shock down in your bones at the image of Hongjoong’s lack of expression or remorse. Dangling freedom before a man like that then yanking it away in the blink of an eye. It’s almost worse than cruel.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You busy yourself by fiddling with your wristband. San’s dot has ceased its slow movements, and you tap at the screen a few times to make sure the device isn’t frozen.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Hongj–”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Why are you here?” Hongjoong cuts you off before you can inform him of San’s status. “And why the fuck are you here with Seonghwa’s equipment?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“I-I, uh, Seonghwa – he gave it to me,” you stutter. “I n-needed to come.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Why?” The captain shifts at last to look at you directly. “I understand why you stayed last night. Your resolve is weaker than you think it is. But disobeying direct orders? <em>Again</em>? That’s not betrayal; it’s straight-up incompetence. Is there something wrong with your head? Is that why you can’t follow orders?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“I have a debt to repay,” you snap back. Fists clench at your sides. A wave of heat rushes through your veins, the sensation sears a path to your fingertips. The distinct desire to punch Hongjoong in the nose rises, but you push it down by biting down hard on the tip of your tongue. “Aren’t you aware of that? You shouldn’t question why‌ I’m here when you know that.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. His head shakes ever so slightly.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“I am not surprised that you came. My question is why are you not with San? Why didn’t you go straight to San? I could have handled a few petty thugs with shitty aim. Yet you decide to come to <em>me</em> first and not San. Why is that?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>The tightness in your throat stings as you attempt to swallow.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Seonghwa, h-he asked me to make sure you stayed safe.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>A laugh tears through‌ Hongjoong’s chest. You see the whites of his eyes clearly as he rolls them back before dipping his chin towards his chest.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Of course Seonghwa said that.” He mutters the words moreso to himself than to you, and thus you don’t respond. “He worries too much.” Hongjoong lifts his head again and looks over to where you’re standing. “Hopefully Seonghwa’s worry doesn’t cost us any more time. San has stopped moving. He must be near the warehouse already, or worse.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong strides off, increasing the distance between the two of you, and you merely watch him walk with head tilted to the side for a few moments. Then, his voice rings clear again.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Are you going to pull it together or not?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You take the words as an invitation, pressing your gun back against your thigh then chasing after Hongjoong’s retreating form on quick feet.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Are you okay with this? I mean… me coming along with you.” You ask after a second of silence. You fall into step with the captain, and your eyes trail over his platinum hair. It is nearly blinding in the sunlight, creating something of a halo around Hongjoong’s head as he walks across the cobbles.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“I don’t have a choice. Waiting for Seonghwa and Mingi will take hours, but they’ll do the best they can. I expect the same from you as well. This is an emergency recovery mission. Get in, recover San, leave no survivors.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You inhale sharply. Hongjoong doesn’t seem to see an issue with what he said, and you shouldn’t either. It’s a command similar to ones you’ve heard in the past – leave no survivors. Kill them all. No one left standing. Brutal, cruel, heartless.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“It isn’t your place to decide who lives and who dies,” you say, voice barely above a whisper. “That should be up to San.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong shifts to glare at you out the corner of his eye.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“If they hurt San, then it isn’t a choice. It’s a responsibility. For each finger they lay on him, they will earn themselves five deaths. I can only hope they have enough men for that punishment.” You can’t bring yourself to respond. Eyes wide, your steps falter and you nearly trip over your own feet.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“A-And what happens if they don’t? Uh, have enough men?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>A sinister smirk covers Hongjoong’s lips.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“I will drag out their miserable lives as long as possible so that I can exact my punishment properly.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You answer with a few shaky nods. It’s hard to swallow around the lump in your throat, but you manage to do so despite the pain it brings. Looking at Hongjoong again is out of the question; those cruel words leave a bad taste in your mouth, taking you back to memories that are not fond in the slightest. You aren’t proud of your past, you aren’t proud of the person you used to be – and still are sometimes – and you certainly are not proud of the orders you followed without question or complaint. Yet you do the same thing now; walk alongside Hongjoong without complaint or comment. You wonder if this is any different than back then, if following these orders is just a bad as it was back then. At least you aren’t being asked to murder anyone. Yet.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong leads the way, glancing down at his wristband every once in a while until he comes to a complete halt. His head doesn’t lift, eyes still tracking the wristband without cease, and you opt to look around your surroundings in the hopes of finding at least some sign of San.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You get your wish, but the sight of it only causes the pit in your gut to grow deeper and deeper. Realization settles in, the anxiety spikes, and your only hope now is that San is alive. A wristband that can’t belong to anyone other than San lies in the middle of the cobbled streets. Hongjoong glares at the device without moving, staying several feet away. Then the force of his body hits yours without warning. You slam against the stony ground, pain radiates through your whole form, and Hongjoong crashes down on top of you. A grunt of pain leaves you as all the air in your lungs does. He doesn’t look at you, however; he instead glances back over his shoulder towards where San’s wristband is. You follow his line of sight for a moment before there is a loud explosion and dust swirls across your vision. You duck behind Hongjoong’s form to shield yourself from the blast.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Fuck,” Hongjoong curses under his breath. A sigh follows, and he glances down at your widened eyes. “I should’ve seen that coming. They rigged mines under the wristband. Must’ve noticed the track system and seen us coming. Are you alright?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Y-Yea, just fine. Not the first time I’ve had to dodge mines.” The heat of the blast and Hongjoong’s proximity causes sweat to bead on your forehead. He pulls back and sits on his heels, but he doesn’t move off of you quite yet. His eyes scan the surroundings.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“They must’ve dug up the ground some to get the mines in,” he explains as his fingers run over the pale dirt between the cobblestones. His weight disappears as he rolls off of you. A moment later, he has flattened himself against the ground and pressed his ear to the dirt. You pull yourself up into a sitting position.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“What are yo–”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Shush.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You snap your lips back together at the command. It goes completely quiet for several minutes. By the time Hongjoong pulls up again, your patience is wearing thin and you wish he would just <em>move</em> already.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“There are seven more mines,” he says, breaking the silence at last. “We’ll need to go around to avoid them. No doubt they heard the first mine go off, and they set them up along the path to the warehouse. Must’ve gotten hold of San already.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Or maybe he got away,” you reason. “Dropped the wristband?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong’s eyes find yours.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Do you really think that’s true?” He asks.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“I have to believe it is.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong doesn’t answer. He just gets to his feet and stares up at the surrounding buildings. You move to do the same. As you’re halfway up, Hongjoong extends an arm to you. You take it as a signal to stop moving at first, but he wiggles his hand before your face. You take it in yours and let him tug you up, and he motions to one of the shorter buildings on the left as he helps you to your feet.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“We should climb up and move around on the rooftops to get closer to the warehouse. They’ll most likely have some sort of defense system. Maybe some snipes or turrets along the rooftops.” Hongjoong pauses, and his hand falls limply by his side. “How good of a shot are you?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“I – what?” You blink at the side of his head with confusion painting your features. “I, well, I was the best in my unit.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“I thought you were the best in the whole damn military,” Hongjoong says through a small smile.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“It pays to be humble sometimes,” you laugh. There is a small break of levity between the two of you, one that you eat up while you can. Hongjoong heaves a grunt as he begins to scale the building he pointed towards not too long ago. You hop up behind him, following his path up the side of the building. Your right arm is still a tad weak from not using it as much when you had your injury, but it doesn’t bother you too much and you’re able to join Hongjoong on the roof within a minute.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Have you climbed a lot of building in your day?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You answer with a roll of your eyes.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Is there any sign of San?” You ask as you approach the edge of the roof. There is nothing in your view as you glance over. Just a bit of dirt and sand across the ground, buildings of varying heights, and nothing else. There aren’t any bodies in sight – certainly no sign of San. It’s a stark difference compared to the part of the city you were in earlier that held bustling streets and numerous people regardless of how early or late it was. “Why is this part so empty when all the others have been completely filled to the brim?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Because Cara’s crew owns this part of the city,” Hongjoong answers in a matter of fact tone. “If you’re caught in it, you die. Even criminals and pirates won’t take that risk.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Then why aren’t there any patrols or people looking for intruders?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“There are, there are. The patrol in this area must’ve taken San back to the warehouse without leaving anyone behind because of the mines. That’s why no one is nearby, but we should move quickly before a new patrol comes or one returns.” Hongjoong drums his fingers along the lip of the roof. “How good of a shot are you? You never answered my question.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“With a sniper or a pistol?” You inquire, lips drawing together.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“The latter.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You take a moment to ponder over the question, eyes scanning the rooftops ahead of you. “With clear air and no breeze, I could hit someone between the eyes from around 300 meters.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“And you call yourself humble.” When you shift to look at Hongjoong, he’s smirking.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“That was me being humble. Would you like for me to tell you the truth? The real distance would be around 700 meters.” A laugh escapes you, and you continue speaking with a small smile playing at your lips. “With the proper holder, any weapon can be made into a long-distance one. Typical pistol bullets will travel around 2200 meters before falling to the ground. A typical sniper could go as far as 3600 meters although the sweet spot is between 600 and 1200 meters. Though that’s just a typical sniper rifle. A higher grade one with an excellent shooter behind it could shoot a bullet and it would travel around 9700 meters before hitting the ground.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You pause to motion out at the rooftops, and Hongjoong follows the motions with his eyes.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“From up here, the distance to the ground is increased. Depending on the height between you and the ground, as well as the angle from which you’re firing the weapon, the exact angles and calculations change. 45 degrees is the sweet spot for angles of firing. It gives the best parabolic arc – the rise and fall – of the projectile. Of course, that’s all just to determine how far a bullet goes. In order to actually hit a target, the shooter has to be in prime condition, the weather needs to be clear because even the slightest breeze will disrupt the shot. Need to be steady, of course, handle kickback of a weapon with ease, and your target should obviously not be moving or else there’s no way you’re hitting it. Is that all you wanted to know or would you like some more exact calculations and lessons?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>A laugh rips through Hongjoong’s chest. He throws his head back as he all but cackles, shoulders quaking a bit.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“If Seonghwa were here, he would certainly get a rise from hearing you talk like that.” The smile coating the captain’s lips is coy, and there’s a different meaning to his words. You pick up on it after a few delayed seconds.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“O-Oh, ha, does he… does he have a kink for talking about guns?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“You can ask him that yourself.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You scoff at his response and turn away from the man, eyes returning to analyze the streets below. Something darts across your vision. You draw closer to the edge of the building when you spot it. Whatever it is, it’s moving quickly through the shadows, and because of your height from the ground, you can’t make out whether it’s a person or not. Your gaze hardens on the moving figure, and it darts out of the shadows just long enough for you to catch sight of a strip of white hair.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“It’s San!” You exclaim, lurching forward to jump down from the roof. Hongjoong catches you by the collar and yanks you back. The pressure against the fresh bruises along your neck burns and stings, and you cry out in pain as he tugs you. You ignore his obvious attempts to keep you quiet and open your mouth to call out to San. “Sa–”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong claps a hand over your mouth. His lips brush the shell of your ear as he hisses his next words.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Are you fucking trying to get us killed?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You tear at his fingers, prying them back just enough for you to be able to spit back at him. “I’m trying to keep San from getting killed!”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“You’ll get everyone killed if you do anything now,” Hongjoong sneers. He maintains his grip on you as he leans forward and glances down to where San is darting by. His gaze starts out with unprecedented softness, but it quickly hardens as he continues to watch San move. “What the hell are you doing, Choi San?” He mutters the question to himself. The anger melts away from his expression and unveils something almost akin to sadness. He brushes it to the side though before you can comment on it. “We should get moving.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>His hand falls away from your collar and he stands up again. You mimic his movements, keeping close to the edge of the building and trying your best to keep San in view, but you lose track of him quickly.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“No,” you say, stopping in your tracks before you go any further. “We should get San and get out.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong opens his mouth to fire back a response, but nothing comes out. He resorts to just looking at you with a stuttering jaw and wide eyes. He genuinely seems to be at a loss for words, and you almost lose yourself in the shock of his lack of response. You manage to reach out, taking hold of his bicep, and lean close to utter further words.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“You need to protect San, don’t you? Make sure no one lays a finger on him?”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong tugs his arm out of your grasp. His jaw clenches, and the lost expression morphs back into a stern one.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“I’m going to do that. I can’t stop San from doing this though. If it is what he wants, then I ca–”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“You don’t know what San wants! Did you hear him specifically tell you what he wanted? Just last night San didn’t know what he wanted! How could he know now? You can’t just sit back and let this happen. I’m certain this isn’t what San really wants, there’s no wa–”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Hongjoong reels on you, and the murderous rage in his eyes causes you to cut off and shut your mouth within a millisecond.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“You don’t know San the way I do, you don’t know any of us, and you can’t pretend as though you do. The only thing you should do is learn to keep your damn mouth shut.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>The sudden shift of mood sends you reeling, and you step back from Hongjoong. You drop the expression from your face immediately, not giving him the pleasure of seeing you upset by the words.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>“Right, weapons aren’t supposed to speak.”</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>You pull yourself over the edge of the rooftop, glancing down as you begin to make a quick descent to the ground again. Whether Hongjoong wants you to or not, you don’t know. He doesn’t join you right away, and when you glance up at the edge, you can’t see his form either.</p>
    <p> </p>
    <p>Your feet hit the ground with a thud, and you brush the front of your shirt down before turning to look out over the streets. When you stand up straight, pressure wraps around your neck. You nearly roll your eyes, thinking that it’s Hongjoong trying to pull you back or something and you didn’t notice him come down, but a sharp pain blossoms across the side of your head. It’s a distinct feeling, and you recognize it to be the butt of a gun. Unless Hongjoong suddenly decided to get rid of you for good, it can’t be him. You swing an elbow back and hit your attacker in the ribs. In response, the person tightens the pressure on your neck. You hiss out at the sensation. You thrash under the person’s grip in attempts to spring free, but the butt of the gun hits the side of your head one more time. Your vision grows fuzzy, black spots blossoming, and your attacker only has to squeeze your throat a little tighter before you fall unconscious.</p>
  </div>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: eek a bit of an action chapter i was literally rushing to format asodifjiosdfj bc im getting close to 5 ahhh omg sdoifjodisfjio anyways i hope you all enjoyed this part! we’ve got a bit more action to get through before the Angst hits and i gotta apologize in advance bc it gonna hurt asodfiji</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Act Two - Part Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Darkness swirls across your vision even as your eyelids flutter open. The air around you feels chilly and almost brittle, a sharp tension that you almost inhale as you breathe. You lift your head, noticing a dull ache in your muscles, and try to move your hands. You can’t, however. In fact, you can’t even move your arms. What feels like needles blossoms across your arms and wrists. You twist and writhe in attempts to figure out what the hell is going on, but panic is beginning to settle in and you still can see nothing thanks to whatever is over your eyes. Your legs are in a similar predicament; stuck in place with pain blossoming around your ankles when you try to yank them forward.</p><p> </p><p>Something catches you by the hair and tugs back, and you nearly cry out from the sheer surprise but you can’t. You finally notice the bindings around your mouth as well, shoved between your teeth and pressing against your tongue every time you move it. You can see now, however, a blessing for sure. That is until you realize where you are and what is going on.</p><p> </p><p>Your vision adjusts slowly, the minimal light in the room filtering in slowly, and you can make out a few silhouettes surroundings you. One stands directly in front of you, and you can’t make out who the hell it is until the person takes a step forward. Light from above casts crude shadows across her features, making her seem ten times harsher than the first time you saw her. Taskmaster Cara. You thrash against your bonds in attempts to get loose but it’s pointless. The Berserker toys with a small knife, the blade long and curved, and the only thing you feel in that moment is panic. She leans down when your glare hardens on her. A cruel smile plays at her lips, and she tilts her head to the side.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you have a nice sleep?”</p><p> </p><p>You couldn’t respond even if you wanted to but you settle for gritting your teeth around the gag between your lips. Your stare doesn’t waver or falter, but Cara is unamused by your show of defiance. She draws ever closer, the tip of her knife coming up to drag over your cheek. It’s not enough pressure to cut the skin but if you even breathe the wrong way she could cut into you with ease. You tilt your head back nonetheless, and Cara digs the blade a little deeper.</p><p> </p><p>The skin stings as she drags the blade over it, and it burns like a papercut. Hot blood trickles down your cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you really think you were clever enough to escape me? Now you have nowhere to run. A mouse trapped for the cat to eat. Lucky for me, the bounty for you being delivered dead is still quite hefty. I’ll take your lifeless body to the military and rules the black seas. But–” Cara pauses and leans away from you with the same smirk blossoming on her lips “–not before I have a little fun.”</p><p> </p><p>The woman pulls back without saying another word, standing up straight once more. She continues to twirl the knife in her hands and passes it from hand to hand as she drags her gaze over you. You twist a little in the chair you’re bound to. The blood from your cheek catches on your jawline and ceases its hot path down your face.</p><p> </p><p>A laugh leaves her lips, and she turns away from you, obviously satisfied with her work already.</p><p> </p><p>“Wake him up.” She jerks her head. You aren’t sure what she means by that, but upon looking past her tall form, you can see another limp form in a chair opposite you. They have bindings across their ankles, chest, and arms just like you do with a gag to match. A black hood masks their face, but something tells you that you don’t want to know who sits behind the material. A figure moves behind the person though, and the black hood is ripped out with no shortage of ferocity. Your blood runs cold. You don’t move but your body instinctually begins to trembles against the ropes around you.</p><p> </p><p>It takes a moment for reality to settle in, but when it does, you begin thrashing against the bindings around you in a desperate attempt to get out. Before you know it, your eyes are stinging and burning with unshed tears because this has to be a nightmare, this can’t be real, and this sure as hell cannot be happening. There’s no way you’re here right now, and there’s no way that San is tied to the chair across from you.</p><p> </p><p>He is still unconscious, although based on the look on Cara’s face that won’t last for long, and your suspicions are correct. The person behind San grabs a fistful of his hair and yanks him back.</p><p> </p><p>“Wake the fuck up!” The man shouts into San’s ear, and San jerks back into a state of full consciousness. He groans as he wakes, the sound a bit muffled by the gag between his lips, and his head slumps forward again when the man behind him lets go of his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“San, San, San. Aren’t you going to wake up to see this?” Cara clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth, turning back to you with a sinister look in her eyes. You tug at the ropes over your wrists. They’re tied too tight for you to wiggle out of, and you gnaw on the inside of your cheek when Cara approaches you with knife in hand again. She lifts the blade to your other cheek, toying with your skin without slicing it open. “Look here, Sannie. I have a surprise for you.”</p><p> </p><p>San’s chin bobs a little then he pulls his head up. Eyes find yours in an instant. A second passes then San is jerking and writhing in his binds, yelling around the gag in his mouth. The sounds remain muffled and broken though, all ineffective and useless in the long run because Cara just keeps dragging the tip of the knife over your skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Keep him still, Cyrus. He needs to see every second of this.”</p><p> </p><p>The man behind San moves froward again and grabs his hair, forcing him to sit relatively still. It doesn’t stop San from thrashing and yelling through the gag. Cara throws her head back and lets a loud laugh loose. The sound echoes through the building, bouncing off the walls and ceiling until it rings in your ears.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, Sannie. It’s just like old times. Why aren’t you happy? Isn’t this <em> fun </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>Cara pushes a lilt into her tone, motioning over to where you’re seated with the knife. Her laugh continues to ring as she draws closer to you and circles around the back of your chair.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you remember how things used to be? How we used to play? The captain used to string people up like this for you all the time. Let you play God without consequence.”</p><p> </p><p>Cara presses forward and her chin comes to rest on your shoulder. You prepare to slam your head against hers but the icy chill of the blade brushes over the skin of your throat. You freeze under the touch, eyes meeting San’s across the room. He looks ready to murder, and his body goes completely still just like yours.</p><p> </p><p>“You deserve to see the consequences of your actions, Sannie. Coming here wasn’t just suicide. It was murder.” Cara shifts the knife just a little, but in your mind, it feels like much more. “Because now you aren’t going to be the only one to die. You will be the last to die, however, because I want you to watch every second of my torture on your little friend here.” The Berserker pauses to look at your face, bringing the knife up to drag over the cut already on your cheek. “I still remember your cruel methods, Sannie. Would you like to see them replicated on her now?”</p><p> </p><p>San jerks upon hearing the words, straining against the ropes around him and struggling to no avail. Cara releases a dramatic gasp.</p><p> </p><p>“Does she not <em> know </em>? Sannie, aren’t you proud of your past? Proud of all the pain you caused? Those cruel little methods you always used? Why can’t you tell her about your past?” Cara pushes the knife back down to your throat but this time she digs it a little bit deeper against your skin. You grit your teeth around the gag and squeeze your eyes shut as tight as possible. Your breathing has quickened too much in a short amount of time, and you’re fully aware that if it gets any worse then you’ll start to hyperventilate and that’s the last thing you need at the moment. It’s difficult to convince your body to shut up and listen to your mind’s desperate pleas to slow your breathing though; much more difficult than you anticipated.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You’ve been through shit like this before, Y/N. Just breathe. Been through worse actually. You’ll be fine now. Absolutely fine. Just focus on what’s important. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Your eyelids snap open and you look directly at San. Something is different this time. This time you aren’t alone. You’ve only ever been alone in the past, but now you aren’t. You didn’t have to look after someone else – nor did you want that responsibility – but seeing San struggling against the ropes and screaming around the gag… you need to get San out of here. You need to get him away, you have to, you have to keep him from ending up like you or worse.</p><p> </p><p>Teeth sink into the tip of your tongue, and you inhale a deep breath. The pressure of the blade against your neck increases as you shift under Cara’s touch. Her other hand moves to your hair, locking in the strands and tugging your head back until you are eye level with San. You know that she’s trying to force you to look at San, but you don’t do what she wants. Instead, your gaze drifts around the building in search of any possible opens or escape routes. The Berserker behind you begins to speak to San again, giving you time to look around as best you can without irritating her.</p><p> </p><p>“Cyrus, pull the gag off. I want to hear him beg.” The man does as asked, tugging the cloth until it falls loosely, and San spurs the movements on by spitting it out of his mouth as soon as he can.</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking cunt, I’ll murder you if it’s the last thing I do. You won’t walk out of here alive, I will make sure of it because if you so much as hurt a single hair on her head, then I will draw out your miserable life until you’re the one begging for mercy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, ho, ho! Sannie, those are such big words. Almost like old times except with a lot more fury in them. That’s your weakness.” Cara tugs your hair more until it hurts, and you whimper behind the gag. “Big talk for someone tied to a chair without weapons and surrounded by a whole crew of bandits and pirates. You’ve gotten reckless beyond belief. And for what? For one criminal who is worth more money than you have ever seen in your life? You’ve gone soft.”</p><p> </p><p>She clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth again. Her hand slides the knife further down and catches on your collarbone. With one quick motion, she slices the skin open, leaving a shallow cut. You hiss around the cloth between your teeth and bite down hard to keep from crying out. You shift your gaze to look over at San to gauge his expression. He thrashes in his chair, slamming his feet against the ground so hard that it causes his chair to tip backward. He knocks into the thug behind him, but the angle causes him to fall on his side. There isn’t any time for him to move before another pirate comes up on the side and presses a hefty boot on the side of San’s face. It keeps him stuck against the dirty floor, facing where you’re sitting. Cara’s demeaning laugh rings in your ears over and over.</p><p> </p><p>She pulls the knife away from your chest, and as she moves it, you catch the sight of crimson on the blade. Cara’s eyes trail over the liquid with a cruel smirk. She grabs hold of your chin, stepping around you and leaning over so that you are eye level.</p><p> </p><p>“You know… there’s an old Tibehken legend my mother used to tell me every night. With each life you take, the darker your blood becomes. The way to know if someone is truly evil is to cut them open and see if their blood runs black.” Her gaze shifts over to where San is lying on the floor. “Her blood is red, Sannie, which makes her an innocent. Even better for me because now I get to make you watch me take an innocent’s life. Because of something <em> you </em> did. How dramatic.”</p><p> </p><p>San writhes against the boot on top of him, shaking his head as best he can.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t. Don’t hurt her. God, please don’t hurt her. I’ll do anything. Yo-You can take me. T-Take me, torture me, use me as a weapon, kill me. Anything. Anything you want, Cara. Please. Please don’t hurt her. She doesn’t deserve this, she’s innocent. This has nothing to do with her. This is between you and me, please. Just let her go and don’t hurt her.” San’s voice is desperate and pleading, the small stutters in his tone only serving to cause your heart to plummet further. You try to shake your response, calling out behind the gag in attempts to tell him no. Cara hesitates. She twirls the knife again.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a hefty promise,” she mutters. The smirk never leaves her lips. “I can take that deal with ease though. No questions asked.”</p><p> </p><p>You cry out again around the gag as though it will change her mind. She turns to you and yanks the cloth of your gag down to your neck. She stops there though, not moving to touch the ropes binding your body to the chair.</p><p> </p><p>“All you want is for me not to hurt her?” Cara quirks a brow, then motions for someone to come to her side.</p><p> </p><p>You don’t see it coming. A fist connects with the side of your head, and your vision blurs. You cry out at the sudden impact, the shock of it startling you more than the pain itself.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop! You said we had a deal!” San shouts, thrashing against the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m doing exactly what you wanted, Sannie!” Cara laughs, lifting her hands above her head to accentuate her words. She passes the knife over to your new attacker. “I’m not hurting her. Not myself, at least. And that’s what you asked for.”</p><p> </p><p>“You knew what I fucking meant!” San growls. “Yo–”</p><p> </p><p>Whatever he was going to say next is cut off by a cry of pain falling from your lips. The knife drags over the other side of your collarbone, and you twist away from the blade to no avail.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to fucking kill you. I’ll murder you, you wo–”</p><p> </p><p>“You should behave,” Cara sighs, picking at one of her nails with little interest. “Otherwise, your cute little friend here is going to end up in strips because of all the cuts. This isn’t a negotiation. There are no terms I’ll accept. There is nothing you can do. This is torture, Sannie. You are going to sit there and watch every second of it. No begging will make it stop. Because thanks to you, I had to sit and watch man after man suffer at your hands. At the captain’s hands. Your hands doing what the captain asked. People who were my crewmates. The moment they faltered – even breathed the wrong way around the captain – who was it who was tasked to exact punishment after punishment?”</p><p> </p><p>Silence greets her. The knife digs into your skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Who was it who killed each and every single one of them, Sannie?”</p><p> </p><p>A small cry of pain leaves you, growing louder and louder as your attacker pushes harder.</p><p> </p><p>“I asked you a fucking question.”</p><p> </p><p>The knife leaves your body, only to return seconds later with another shallow slice over your collarbone.</p><p> </p><p>“Me! It was me!” San yells, voice breaking as he says the words.</p><p> </p><p>“There we go. It was you. It was always you. But the one who had to haul away the bodies was me. I had to haul away the bodies of my comrades who did nothing wrong. Funny how they always called me the Taskmaster and yet you were the sadistic torturer. How fucking ironic, right? Well, now you get to taste it.”</p><p> </p><p>Another shallow cut burning like fire across your skin.</p><p> </p><p>“You get to know what that feels like and how badly it hurts,” Cara continues, admiring the work on your skin with a thin-lipped smile. “You get to watch it happen, Sannie, and not be able to do anything about it. Just like I did. And once she’s dead – once the sweet little Ghost is dead – you will get to haul her body off and live with the pain of reality. You get to turn her body into the military while I collect the prize money. Do you think that’s fair, Sannie?”</p><p> </p><p>“N-No, fuc–fuck no! It’s not!” San refuses in a heartbeat. Cara reels on him, fists balling up at her sides</p><p> </p><p>“Of fucking course it isn’t! Because it wasn’t fair when you did it to me. Why should it be fair to you?” Cara shifts and faces you once more. You take the opportunity to spat on her feet, making certain to hit her shoes when she steps closer to you. The action doesn’t please the woman in the slightest; she snatches her knife back from the man at your side. You merely taunt her by baring your neck to her, a flat expression and confidence in your eyes. No words tumble from your lips.</p><p> </p><p>It isn’t a knife that hits you next. Rather, it is the back of Cara’s hand that smacks against your cut cheek with enough force to cause the chair to wobble under you.</p><p> </p><p>“You are nothing but a cocky little shit who has no place in the universe,” she sneers.</p><p> </p><p>“I learned that a long time ago, you bitch,” you hiss back. “You aren’t sharing any big news.”</p><p> </p><p>As you speak the words, something clatters and a loud thud resounds from above you. Everyone halts and glances up at the ceiling. Cara and her men all look concerned beyond belief, but you can’t help but to laugh at their expressions. Frankly, you imagine that Hongjoong has finally caught up to you, although he’s quite a bit delayed at this rate.</p><p> </p><p>“Out!” Cara orders, pointing towards the doors of the building with her knife. “All of you, get out there! Scope out the surroundings and figure out what the fuck is going on out there! Take care of it quickly, and if need be, leave no survivors. I don’t want to be fucking interrupted.”</p><p> </p><p>All the men surrounding you and San file out of the building at her command, no hesitation in their steps. Their departure doesn’t provide any relief for the worry and anxiety bubbling in your gut. Cara wraps around the side of your chair then brings up a tall boot. She kicks you in the ribs, causing you to topple over and hit the floor in a similar position to San. Her hands grip the back of the chair. She drags you across the cold, dirty floor with little effort. She only stops when you’re about two feet from where San is positioned. As much as he tries to move, he can’t pull himself forward at all, leaving him stuck where he is while Cara puts you right where she wants you.</p><p> </p><p>You feel utterly helpless. Unable to move and fight back, you can’t even find the heart to rile her up with your words. She places you directly across from San so that he can clearly see everything she does, then kneels down by your side to look over at the man. San doesn’t look back at her though; his eyes are on you and you alone, and you take it as an opportunity to mouth a few words to him through the panic.</p><p> </p><p><em> It’s going to be okay </em>.</p><p> </p><p>You don’t know if it’s the truth, you don’t know how this will end, you know nothing at all except for the panic running through you. You can settle for the small white lie, however, only because it reassures you a little bit to mouth the words to San. He doesn’t respond and instead glances away to look up at Cara again as she walks around your form, but not before swallowing roughly. It’s enough acknowledgment for you to know that he saw what you said.</p><p> </p><p>Cara swings the point of her boot into San’s gut. He groans from the contact, trying to curl into himself but he can’t thanks to the damn ropes around him. Her foot swings into his stomach again. All you can see is the way San’s chest heaves as he attempts to recover from the attacks.</p><p> </p><p>“My men should’ve put you through more hell before bringing you here.” Cara releases a deep heave of breath then returns to your fallen body, toying with the knife as she smiles down at you. “Where to begin with this pretty little bird? Now that we’re all alone, we can have so much fun.” San’s eyes narrow on her, the emotion in them more nervous than angry or murderous now.</p><p> </p><p>The knife breaks through your thigh. It cuts the fabric apart like it’s paper, as well as the skin underneath. She maintains the shallow pinpricks rather than deep cuts, and you suppose you ought to be grateful for that, but you know you won’t be grateful if she continues to do it. A hiss passes through your lips, and you look away from San so that he doesn’t have to see the pained expression on your face. Cara despises that movement though. She bends down to grip your chin.</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking look at him or it’s his leg getting cut next,” she spits, stray saliva hitting your cheek. You let your cheek fall to the floor so that you can look at San again, too afraid that she will hurt San worse than you if you don’t listen.</p><p> </p><p>“S-Stop,” San exhales, tone shaky and desperate even with one word. He continues with a bit of difficulty, licking the edges of his lips before talking again. “Yo-You don’t have to do this. We can – we can come to an agreement. Work something out, I know we can do something that wi–”</p><p> </p><p>The knife slices through your leg again with harder force. You bite down hard on your lip to muffle the scream that nearly spills out.</p><p> </p><p>“Please! P-Please, Cara, please, I–”</p><p> </p><p>“There is nothing to discuss. I have made my decision and this is it.”</p><p> </p><p>San squirms and tries to move across the floor again.</p><p> </p><p>“You can torture me. Pl-Please. You can torture me as much as you want if you just let her go.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you fucking deaf, Sannie?” Cara laughs, the sound a disbelieving one. “This is your torture. I am torturing you by making you watch this. Every.” Another slice, lower than the last. “Single.” One more that intersects with the last. “Cut.” A third cut, this one vertical against your thigh. You bite down so hard on your lip that it draws blood. In that moment you dare to look over at San but regret it instantly.</p><p> </p><p>His whole body trembles under the ropes, lip nearly quivering as tears spill from his eyes and fall over the bridge of his nose and to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Please stop. J-Just stop, please – please stop this. I-I…” San trails off, unable to look up any longer. His chin falls to his chest. “I n-never did this to any of them. None of the crew. I - I didn’t want to be cruel. I just… I was only following orders, that’s all. I was only doing what I was told to do. I swear. I swear I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I really didn’t. I have nightmares about it every night, I-I never wanted to do it. You have to b-believe me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve lost the opportunity to explain whatever happened. What’s done is done. There is no apologizing or backtracking. There is no forgiveness. Don’t you understand that, Sannie?” Cara jams the knife into your thigh all of the sudden, ignoring her previous pattern of shallow cuts and burying a good quarter of the blade into your leg.</p><p> </p><p>“O-Oh <em> god </em>,” you choke out, a large wave of nausea sweeping over you as you see the knife go into your leg.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N! Y/N, look at me. Please just look at me,” San pleads, and you pull yourself up to look him in the eye. The nausea is making you a bit dizzy, and San’s face swirls into three different ones until the wave passes over you. “It’s gonna be okay, Y/N. I promise. It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Cara huffs upon hearing San’s words. She jerks the knife and yanks it out of your leg harshly, leaving you to scream against your shoulder. The pain burns and throbs, coursing through your whole system until you can feel sweat beading on your brow.</p><p> </p><p>“St-Stop! Cara, Cara, <em> please </em>!” San pleads again as you cry out. The Berserker doesn’t listen to a word he’s saying, the desperate pleas fall on deaf ears, and she leans over San.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re having too much fun with this, Sannie. Too vocal. I should fix that.” Cara huffs a laugh, glancing over the knife before deciding to plunge it into San’s side. The knife buries all the way to the hilt in the patch up flesh just above his right hip. If you thought your screams of pain were bad, San’s are beyond comprehension. The sound of his screaming triggers something in you, flips a switch, and you lose the last bits of control you had over your emotions.</p><p> </p><p>You don’t think twice before letting your abilities slip through, and you tug at the ropes behind your back while Cara is still bent over San. The effort of trying to use them causes your head to spin even more, but you muster up enough energy to push one wrist through the ropes. That’s all you need too, because you use that free hand to pull the other loose then tear at the ropes around your ankles. Cara is still preoccupied with San but she will notice your movements at any second.</p><p> </p><p>Your heart pounds against the cage of your chest as you rush to pull yourself loose. Cara slowly pulls the blade out of San’s stomach, a sickening squelch resounding as blood pours forth, and she starts to stand up straight again. You twist the leftover rope around the palms of your hands and pounce on Cara’s back as best you can. You misjudge how much pain your leg is in though, and the searing fire that blossoms across your leg causes your jump to miss slightly. You don’t manage to get the rope over her head, so you settle for tossing it around her body and tangling her in the mess. It gives you just enough time to drag yourself over to San’s body, sliding behind him and pulling at the ropes around him.</p><p> </p><p>San writhes in pain, unable to help you get the ropes off of his body, and Cara is nearly unraveled herself from your makeshift trap. Just as you tug his ankles free, Cara comes down on the two of you. She swings the knife down at San rather than at you. You don’t think, operating on instinct only, and your hand flies up to stop her attack from the side.</p><p> </p><p>The side of the knife hits your hand. You ignore the blossoming pain that burns your palm; instead, you grip the weapon tighter and push back against her. Cara’s eyes go wide at the action and the deadly expression across your features. She stumbles backward in attempts to get away from you, but her feet catch on one of the loose ropes and she falls back to the floor. You squeeze the handle of the knife with your other hand and walk in her direction ever so slowly. The slow movements startle her further, causing the Berserker to scramble back as you draw closer.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck are you?” She snarls. Your lips quirk upwards at her words. Your left foot drags along the ground as you pull yourself towards her. There is only adrenaline running through your veins, the pain is almost nonexistent, but you know that won’t last for long so you move as quickly as you can.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m merely a ghost,” you huff out. “Here one minute and gone the next. Which is what is going to happen to you soon enough.”</p><p> </p><p>You back her into a corner, her back hits a wall, and she has nowhere to go. You lunge forward and drive the knife she used on you and San into her shin. A cry of pain falls from her lips. The sound spurs you on, causing you to tilt your head to the side in question.</p><p> </p><p>“What? Is this not a fun game for you? You were enjoying it so much not too long ago. Do you not enjoy it not?” You taunt as you twist the blade in her.</p><p> </p><p>“Y-You’re a fucking – fucking psychopath.”</p><p> </p><p>The smile returns to your lips. You pull the knife out of her leg with haste then move forward so that you can squat down in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve heard that before too,” you mutter as you twirl the knife in your grasp. The smile coating your lips dissipates. “But only by the people who deserve their fates.”</p><p> </p><p>You cease your toying with the weapon and lift it high above your head, ready to send it cascading down into Cara’s chest. Just as your arm starts to come down, someone catches you by the wrist. You jerk to look over your shoulder. It’s San who stands behind you. San who has caught your hand with one of his own covered in blood. His other hand lingers over the wound in his side that is still bleeding quite profusely. There is a stagger to his breaths, chest shaky as he inhales and exhales, and a hunch to his back that shows how hard it is to hold himself up. Again, the sight of him in that state flips a switch in you.</p><p> </p><p>It’s like someone has yanked a dark veil away from your eyes. Reality seeps back in and fills the cracks in your mind. In that moment, San is all you see and all you know. You drop the knife with a small gasp, unsure of what just came over you and caused you to lose control in such a way.</p><p> </p><p>“D-Don’t kill he-her,” San says, lowering your arm to his side.</p><p> </p><p>“Wh–”</p><p> </p><p>You don’t need to finish the question because San releases you and stoops to pick up the knife you just dropped. He grips it tight, bloodied fingers sliding over the hilt without purchase.</p><p> </p><p>“Turn around.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I… wh-why?” You stammer. Your feet carry you backward though, even though your mind questions it. Cara makes her presence known again and releases a weak laugh. She doesn’t move from her spot on the floor though, eyes tracking San with such scrutiny that you would crumble under that gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“I should’ve known this would be my fate,” she murmurs. Her chin lifts a little. “Don’t be a coward when you do it, Sannie. If you’re going to kill me, then you should at least do it right and give me a proper sendoff.”</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N, turn around.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I don’t need to though.”</p><p> </p><p>San reels on you with sudden strength to his movements. You flinch at the sight of the emotion in his eyes and the quiver of his lower lip. You know it’s not from the exhaustion of the wound. That much is easy to see. He doesn’t want you to see him do it. After what Cara revealed and the shame that burned San’s words, you understand why. So, you respect his wishes, nod a few times, and pull back to turn around and face the opposite wall.</p><p> </p><p>A few seconds of terse silence pass. You don’t even dare to breathe, just focusing on the adrenaline that is seeping out of your body and leaving pain in its wake. Then – a small gasp, a quick inhalation of air, and… nothing.</p><p> </p><p>You don’t turn around yet though. Something about the air feels odd and sacred, and if you turn around now, you would be disturbing that peace.</p><p> </p><p>“May your journey to the next life treat you well, Taskmaster of <em> The Eurydice </em>,” San says in a quiet tone, only audible because of the silence in the building. A breath of hesitation then – “And may you rot in hell for all you’ve done.”</p><p> </p><p>The words are spoken with a finality, like the ending line of a chapter in a book. San immediately begins to shuffle around. It leaves you to wonder what the hell he’s doing behind you, and as much as you want to turn around, you want to wait until he tells you it’s okay to do so. After a few minutes, San approaches you at last. He taps your arm, fingers brushing your elbow, and you twist to look at his face.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s over…” He remains hunched from his wound and keeps a hand over it in efforts to halt the blood flow. You reach down to touch the hand there, but San pulls away from you in an instant. “Don’t. I-I – I don’t want you to touch me. Now that… now that you know what I did. Who I was. What kind of person I used to be. W-Who my captain made me to be. The th-things he made me do. I – the extent of my captain’s hold on me and how damn easy it was for me to do those horrible things. I don’t want you… I don’t want to taint you with that.”</p><p> </p><p>“San…”</p><p> </p><p>“I remember every single damn face from that crew,” he continues as though you didn’t speak at all. “I remember them all. I know them by heart. The ones I tortured and killed merely because my captain didn’t like the way something was done. The pure hatred I operated with: the reasoning that since they were awful and abused me, then it was okay to hurt them. I remember their faces. Their names. What they begged for in their last moments. Mercy… it was always mercy. I-I can’t get away from it no matter how hard I try. It’s in my dreams every fucking night.”</p><p> </p><p>San stops to look back to where Cara’s body is. His jaw stutters as he look over there. Then he sinks to his knees and a pained sob tears through his chest. You slide down to join him, trying to ignore the sharp pain in your leg as you move and just focus on San and San alone. Despite his insistence that you don’t touch him, you reach out and place a bloodied hand over his thigh. He doesn’t stop you.</p><p> </p><p>“It didn’t help,” he whispers, eyes stuck the hand that isn’t pressed to his stab wound. He flexes his fingers and curls them into a fist. “It was supposed to help but it didn’t. I-I… it didn’t do anything. Why does it hurt so fucking much? I-I should’ve – I’m the one who should’ve–”</p><p> </p><p>You refuse to let him finish that sentence, a surge of panic rushing through your body as you hear the implications in his words. Your hand darts up to grip his shoulder tight.</p><p> </p><p>“It gets worse before it gets better,” you respond. If it’s supposed to be encouraging, you think you’ve failed in every way because how the hell is that reassuring in the slightest. San apparently feels the same way because a scream rips through his lips, startling you with the volume and suddenness of the sound.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want it to get better! I want it gone!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” you murmur as you pull his body against yours. “I’m so sorry, San. I-I wish I knew. I wish I knew how to help but I don’t and I’m sorry for that.” Your left hand maintains its position on your thigh, squeezing tight around the injury there. You pull back a little to motion down at San’s wound. “I need to take care of that, San. I need to put pressure on it to keep it from bleeding out more. You – you don’t have the strength to maintain it, okay? Just let me, okay? Let me take care of it.”</p><p> </p><p>San doesn’t seem to hear you, however, and even as you try to look him in the eye, his gaze is unfocused.</p><p> </p><p>“You did well, Y/N,” he says. The words cause a spike of panic. “Remember that.”</p><p> </p><p>It sounds too much like he’s saying goodbye. You can’t stand it, you can’t breathe, you can’t function. Everything bleeds into one blinding shade of white. You press San again.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me take care of your wound, San. Please?”</p><p> </p><p>His response is nothing again, and his body goes limp against yours. You can’t stop the strangled sob that leaves your lips. Your hands tremble as you lower San to the ground, placing him flat against it. You grab for his wrist and neck in a desperate attempt to find a pulse. Another sob leaves you as you find it, a rapid pace that is anything but normal. His skin is clammy and cold to the touch. You don’t know much about medicine or anything in that area, but they did teach you how to recognize the symptoms of shock during your military training. San has to be going into shock, but you have no clue how to stop it and halt the process.</p><p> </p><p>Your head swims, spots filling the edge of your vision as you rush to get to the other side of San’s body where his wound resides. You can’t put proper pressure on both your leg and San’s wound; it’s either one or the other, and with a small cry of pain you choose to press against San’s abdomen instead of your thigh. There’s no telling how long you can hold this position, or how long it is until you pass out yourself, but your sheer willpower is the only thing keeping you going right now.</p><p> </p><p>Noise resounds from outside the building. You pad around for your gun only to realize that you don’t have it. An exhausted sigh falls from your lips.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Is this really how I’m going to go out? A failure even on the brink of death? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bright sunlight suddenly enters the warehouse, and you lift a hand from San’s stomach to block your eyes from the brightness. Three shadowy figures walk inside with arms out, no doubt holding guns. You swallow the lump in your throat – or at least try to – and prepare yourself for the worst.</p><p> </p><p>“H-Holy fuck.”</p><p> </p><p>The words don’t come from you or San, but the voice is familiar. It almost sounds like Seonghwa, and your assumptions are confirmed when the figure on the left rushes forward and comes into view. It is in fact Seonghwa, and you nearly cry from relief as he comes to kneel beside you. Hongjoong comes into view as well, but he moves straight past you to get to San. Seonghwa reaches out to you, holstering his gun, and pulls himself a bit closer to you. You make an attempt to speak but your jaw just stutters and nothing comes out. All you can do is stare at Seonghwa dumbly with your jaw hanging wide open.</p><p> </p><p>“Shh, shh,” Seonghwa shushes as you make a strangled noise. “You did a good job, Y/N. You did well.”</p><p> </p><p>You shake your head, the movements frantic and without cease until Seonghwa presses a hand against the wound on your thigh. He looks you dead in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>“You did well, Y/N. You did what was asked of you and more.”</p><p> </p><p>You can’t muster up the energy to respond with words so you just nod. Glancing past his shoulder, you catch sight of the third figure coming into view. It’s Mingi but he lingers several feet away without coming closer or saying anything. Hongjoong remains bent over San, his hands moving frantically over his bloodied wound.</p><p> </p><p>“M–Mingi, come closer. I need your help.” The stutter in his tone doesn’t escape anyone’s notice. If you had more energy, you might care to think about it more, but as it is, you can’t tear your mind away from San’s state and your exhaustion.</p><p> </p><p>You try to pull yourself up, but Seonghwa keeps you to the ground with the hand on your thigh.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll follow with Y/N. Just take care of San right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong nods as Mingi comes forward.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll get San to a clinic as fast as possible. You know the one.”</p><p> </p><p>“San is a fighter. He’ll be okay,” Seonghwa reassures. Hongjoong musters up a grin but it holds little emotion in it.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that, Lieutenant.” Mingi reaches Hongjoong’s side, towering over the captain as he stands next to him, then he moves to pick San up. There is a sense of defeat that fills your body as you watch the tall Berserker lifts San’s all too limp body with ease. The lingering pain of knowing that you could do nothing but watch as Cara hurt him, nothing as she attacked you, and even afterward you could do nothing but apologize for not knowing what to do. It leaves the bitter taste of failure in your mouth. You watch Mingi situate San in his arms, pressing a large hand over the wound that still pours blood, and Hongjoong leads them out of the warehouse. Seonghwa follows their movements with his eyes, only pulling back to look at you once they’re completely out of sight.</p><p> </p><p>“When d-did you get he-here?” Your words slur together a little bit, and Seongwha cracks a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t exert yourself any more than you already have, okay?” He shifts you, and you let him lay you down on your back only for him to scoop you up with little effort. The arm under your knees slides up so he can press his palm over your wound. “Mingi and I arrived not too long ago. Hongjoong called us up to a rooftop. He said that both you and San disappeared around the same time. He didn’t see or hear it happen, but he assumed you’d been caught. Suppose he figured correctly.” Seonghwa grunts as he gets to his feet, hoisting you further up against him. He doesn’t move at the same breakneck pace that Hongjoong and Mingi had on their way out of the warehouse. “There’s a clinic that should be able to help you both relatively quickly. It’s not too far away if you can just hold out a little while longer.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m not sure…” You murmur as you bring an arm up around Seonghwa’s back. “I have a knack for getting hurt and passing out, I think.”</p><p> </p><p>“I already told you to shush, did I not? Don’t try talking or you’ll make it worse.” Seonghwa glances over your face. “You get hurt because you’re reckless. You jump the gun too quickly, lack patience, think with your heart and not your head. If you pass out, it's because you didn’t take the time to regain your strength after your arm was shot and you had the surgery. Your body can’t keep up the way it used to because of that.”</p><p> </p><p>You want to retort but can’t find the energy to so you just grumble and roll your eyes instead. Seonghwa continues to speak but this time he returns to answering your first question.</p><p> </p><p>“We dispatched of a group on top of the roof. One started falling so Mingi tried to grab him, but it caused a bunch of noise. More came out to see what was going on. It took us a while to finish them all off.” Seonghwa’s expression shifts, lips turning into a frown. “We could hear you… in the warehouse. Both you and San screaming.” His hold on you tightens a bit before he continues with more hesitance. “When it went quiet, I thought that meant th–”</p><p> </p><p>“San is alive,” you interrupt, a desperate attempt to keep him from finishing that train of thought. “Don’t worry.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa bites his lower lip as he looks down at you, voice quiet when he decides to speak again.</p><p> </p><p>“I was worried about you too.”</p><p> </p><p>You opt not to respond. Even if you knew what to say, you couldn’t bring yourself to say it.</p><p> </p><p>“Will you be okay if I run?” Seonghwa asks, hastening his pace a little before you answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yea, go for it.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa breaks into a sprint as you give him permission. Despite his haste, it still isn’t quick enough to catch up to Hongjoong and Mingi, and you don’t even see their forms ahead of you in the streets. They must be moving much faster than Seonghwa to be that far ahead already. Given San’s state though, you don’t blame them.</p><p> </p><p>San is all you can think about yourself. While there is the panic and worry over whether he’s okay and alive, there is more to it than that as well. You really know nothing about medical things; you can tell when a wound looks bad and that’s about the extent of your knowledge. You know two things about San’s wound: the knife went to the hilt in him, and there was an ungodly amount of blood. Cara didn’t just cut him up a little like she did with you. She went in full force with the intent to kill, and you’re worried that she may get what she wants postmortem.</p><p> </p><p>You wish you had the energy to huff out a laugh, but you can barely manage to keep your head up at this point. You can never catch a break; there’s always something that you have to worry about. Always running, fleeing, fighting – you can’t even stop to breathe for two seconds before something else is happening. Part of you wonders how long it’s going to last, how long you have to keep running for. You could just go back home and live out the rest of your days there in the hopes that no one will find you, but there are too many memories tied to that place. Yet you want to rest. You’re so fucking tired of all this, and you just want to try having a calm life for once. You need to rest.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa pulls you out of your thoughts by releasing a huff of air. You glance around as the regular hustle and bustle of the streets hits your ears. It’s a vaguely familiar sight, just enough for you to know that you’re back in the area you started in. Seonghwa slows his pace some and peels off to a side alleyway rather than pushing through the crowds. He wraps around the buildings with steady steps until you reach an unmarked door with a hanging sign above it. He doesn’t give you the chance to read the words on the sign, pushing into the building with his back.</p><p> </p><p>An old man is the first to greet you, seated behind a rickety wooden desk with his chin to his chest. He glances up when you come in though.</p><p> </p><p>“The primary doctor is busy with a patient who was just brought in,” he says when Seonghwa approaches the desk. “Our secondary doctor is treating someone with an illness right now, but you can wait around five minutes for her to be free.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, thank you.” Seonghwa nods a few times then pulls back to carry you to a row of chairs on the opposite wall. He sets you down and eases you onto one of the chairs, hands cradling your elbows as you move. Rather than going to sit beside you though, he kneels in front of you and examines your thigh. He peels back the cut up fabric, soaked with crimson blood, and exposes your wounds to the air. The blood has stopped oozing so profusely, beginning to clot a little. You can barely see past the mess of crimson, but there are a total of five cuts on your leg. Seonghwa glances up, eyes landing on the cuts along your collarbone as well. He thumbs over the skin with a gentle touch and makes sure not to irritate them further. Then his eyes go to your cheek where the first cut is. His expression is unreadable as he pulls himself up and sits down beside you.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s on your mind?” You ask, barely managing to smile. Seonghwa laughs a little, and the corners of his lips curl upwards.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, nothing much. Just thinking about the weather, of course.”</p><p> </p><p>Your smile stretches a bit more at his joking comment.</p><p> </p><p>“San is going to be okay, Y/N.”</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yea…” Your voice doesn’t sound confident though, and you don’t know if it’s because of how exhausted and drained you are or if it’s because of something else. Seonghwa doesn’t press you any further than that; your lack of engagement must be enough to deter him from talking more. He just places a hand on your right thigh and lets it rest against the bloodied fabric. The two of you sit in silence for a few minutes, eyes looking anywhere except at each other. You still can’t wrap your mind fully around reality. Everything that just happened just seems so unreal that you don’t want it to be real. The blood on your hands doesn’t go away, however, and neither does the dull ache in your chest.</p><p> </p><p>A curtain to the right shifts all of a sudden, and Hongjoong and Mingi step out from behind it. Seonghwa’s hand on your thigh squeezes a little tighter as he looks over his captain’s dismal expression. Hongjoong ignores him, however, and comes to step in front of you. You brace yourself for the worst, gnawing on the inside of your lip while staring up at him in anticipation.</p><p> </p><p>“You were reckless, careless, arrogant, foolish, and idiotic, among other things like disobedient, stupid, and childish.”</p><p> </p><p>All you can do is nod in confirmation. He isn’t wrong in the slightest, neither was Seonghwa earlier when he called you out for similar things. Hongjoong sticks a hand out in front of you, exposing his forearm and palm to the ceiling. You don’t know what he’s expecting or what to do for many seconds. You blink between his arm and his face without speaking until a sigh falls from his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Just take it before I change my damn mind,” he grumbles. Realization dawns on you, and you reach out to clasp your bloody fingers around his forearm. He pulls you to your feet with that same grip. Your eyes meet. “Thank you for protecting and saving San, and for doing what I couldn’t do.”</p><p> </p><p>You open your mouth to respond, but words don’t come out. Nor do you have the chance to come up with any sort of reply because a woman peeks out from behind another current beside the one Hongjoong and Mingi walked out of.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m ready for the next patient!”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa stands up with you, and you take that as your invitation to go over to the woman. His hand finds your lower back, ready to lift you into his arms again.</p><p> </p><p>“I can walk fine on my own,” you mutter. Part of you doesn’t want to seem weak in front of Hongjoong now, especially since he just told you he somewhat respects you for what you did for San. Seonghwa isn’t affected by your comment though; he just laughs and lifts you regardless.</p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t doing yourself any favors with that ego,” he says once you’re out of Hongjoong’s earshot. You press your lips into a frown but don’t say anything. Seonghwa takes you back to the doctor’s room. She motions towards a chair in the center of the room, and Seonghwa sets you down in it for her. You expect him to head out immediately and return to Hongjoong’s side, but instead, he lingers beside the chair, placing a hand on the back of it near your shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh wow, quite a few cuts.” The doctor hums to herself and moves closer to you. She checks your cheek first then moves down to your collarbone. “These aren’t deep, but they’ll need just a little cleaning and dressing. Put some patches over them to keep them covered for the time being, but they should heal easy. Awkward places for certain, but easy to fix.”</p><p> </p><p>She pulls back and moves for a counter, snagging a bottle of clear liquid and some white patches. You know it’s alcohol the second she uncorks the bottle and the scent hits you, but the sting of it against your skin draws a hiss from your lips. She continues to clean the cuts, then pulls out a roll of tape to dress the cuts further. Seonghwa’s hand slips down to your shoulder, squeezing it tight when you release another hiss of pain.</p><p> </p><p>The doctor dips down to your thigh after securing the last gauze patch to your cheek. She peels back the cut fabric like Seonghwa did earlier, then another hum passes through her lips.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t really access the cuts too well with your pants on. Do you happen do have a spare set of pants around?” She asks the question with a smile playing at her lips, no doubt realizing the ridiculousness of it.</p><p> </p><p>“N-No,” you answer with a similar smile of your own.</p><p> </p><p>“We can get some,” Seonghwa interjects, pulling his hand back from your shoulder. “I mean, we were going to regardless because hers are a mess, but I can go now to get them. I’ll just estimate your size, if that’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Perfect, that would be great! I’m going to need a bit of help pulling these off first before you go, if you’d please–”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure we can handle it,” you interrupt, smile growing shaky at the thought. Seonghwa nods in agreement immediately.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be back shortly then.” He moves back to the curtain and disappears behind it, leaving you with the doctor.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s get you up first,” she says as she grabs hold of your elbows and pulls you to your feet. “Oh, your hand is cut too! I didn’t even notice it with all the blood. Here, let’s get you over to the sink and wash that off first.” She guides you over to the counter she was working at earlier, running hot water over your hands. You know that not all of it is your blood, that San’s blood is on your hands as well, and that not all of it is front the thin slice over your palm. The doctor pulls your hand out from under the water and towels it dry. You just watch her movements with little interest, squeezing your fingers around the white gauze she wraps around your palm. Once she pulls back, she motions down at your pants.</p><p> </p><p>It’s difficult to do on your own, a painful process that has you ready to fall over by the end of it, but you manage to tug the pants off and expose the cuts along your thigh completely. You don’t wait for her to tell you to sit back down either and just do it on your own. The cuts look far worse than they did when you had your pants on, one much deeper than the other papercut-like ones around it. When the doctor presses her alcohol-covered pad over your leg, it hurts ten times worse than it did before. You fight through the pain by biting down on the tip of your tongue. Once the blood is all wiped away, the cuts don’t look nearly as bad as before, except for the one deeper one.</p><p> </p><p>“A few minor cuts and one deeper one. You won’t need stitches or anything like that, but I will go ahead and do a skin adhesive liquid stitch just to be safe on that deeper cut. Then I’ll wrap you up in some gauze and put a little medicine there to fend off infection. Surgical tape  after to secure it in place, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good,” you murmur as she begins to collect the supplies.</p><p> </p><p>“Keep it clean and treat it often if you can! That’s the key to recovery.”</p><p> </p><p>You watch her work with disinterested eyes. At this point, it doesn’t hurt much after that alcohol horror. The exhaustion is catching up to you with haste, and you mostly feel numb all over at this point. Everything is catching up on you actually, and you really want to find any bed available and sleep for days. Blinking down at your trembling fingers, you recall how you were able to use your abilities earlier but only after hearing San scream. You weren’t able to use them with Cara yesterday though when you were fighting for your own damn life, and you can’t reconcile why that’s the case. The only thing you are certain of is the fact that most of your exhaustion is stemming from the use of your powers because that’s always the thing that takes the most energy out of you.</p><p> </p><p>The doctor before you seals the deep cut with the liquid stitches she spoke about then wraps up your thigh with more white gauze and secures it with several strips of surgical tape.</p><p> </p><p>“As good as new, huh?” She jokes as she smiles up at you. You crack a smile yourself and nod in agreement. Seonghwa comes in just as she’s finishing up with the taping, a new pair of pants in hand. When the doctor leans away, you stand up to take them from him, and he meets you halfway.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” you mumble, not meeting his eyes as you take the clothes from him.</p><p> </p><p>You’re determined to at least clothe yourself without help, but that proves to be too much for you as well and you stumble when you try to pull the pants up. Both the doctor and Seonghwa reach out to catch you, but Seonghwa reaches you first. He grabs hold of your arm and steadies you while you continue to pull the pants on with a grumbled “I’m fine” under your breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for all your help.” You turn to the doctor who just smiles in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Look after those cuts! You should heal up nicely without too much scarring if you keep an eye on them.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa’s hand returns to your lower back, but he doesn’t move to pick you up this time. He lets you walk out of the room on your own, staying close to your side just in case you stumble again. Hongjoong and Mingi are still in the lobby when you exit, perched in the chairs that you and Seonghwa were on earlier, and both men wear deadpan expressions as you pass by them. Seonghwa doesn’t stop to talk to Hongjoong; instead, he guides you out of the clinic and back into the streets of the city. You don’t question it, and there’s no need to because Seonghwa turns to explain it to you after the door snaps shut behind you.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll stay in the hotel for another night per Hongjoong’s orders. Just the two of us this time though. Hongjoong and Mingi will wait in the clinic for news on San.” Your expression must crumble because Seonghwa pats your back with the hand there. “I know you want to wait with them but you need rest. I want to wait too but taking care of you is my priority right now, whether you like it or not. You went through hell, Y/N.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay…” You mumbles, eyes darting away from Seonghwa’s concerned ones.</p><p> </p><p>“He’ll be okay. I promise you that. San is a fighter, and he won’t let anything keep him down. Especially not something like this.” You can only nod in agreement with Seonghwa’s words without knowing for certain whether they’re true or not. Perhaps it’s a desperate need for some sense of comfort, but as Seonghwa guides you back to the hotel, you grab for his hand, awkwardly brushing over his thigh before his hand slips from your back to envelop yours with warmth. He threads his fingers through yours and squeezes tightly without stopping to ask why. The reason is clear enough.</p><p> </p><p>His hand remains in yours all the way to the hotel, only pulling back to open the door for you to step through. Similar to the first time you were in here, you linger near the door as Seonghwa approaches the counter and talks with the man behind it. Your throat feels tight. Seonghwa is right in saying that you need the rest but so much worry nags at your gut that you don’t know if you’ll be able to get any whatsoever. Your thoughts are just full of San. San, San, <em>San</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa returns to your side, silently taking your hand in his again and pulling you towards the stairs. It’s that nagging sensation of failure and incapability that overwhelms you as he helps you climb the stairs. If you had done things right, San wouldn’t have gotten hurt. He wouldn’t have gotten caught. You wouldn’t have gotten caught either. You would’ve gotten to San before they did and talked him out of it. Kept him from doing something he would regret. Even with your warning, he still carried through with it, but you could have prevented it. You should have. Should have done better and worked harder to prevent it from happening.</p><p> </p><p>You don’t feel the tears hit your cheeks. It’s Seonghwa who notices them first as you reach the top of the stairs, his hands flying up to cup your cheeks and brush the crystalline drops away with his thumbs. Still, he doesn’t speak, but that silence offers no reassurance in the slightest. He pulls you through the door of the first room on the left – the same one you stayed in the night before with San – and that makes it even harder to go inside. Your expression remains flat and blank as you cry, no sobs fall from your lips, it’s only the tears that fall against your will. Seonghwa continues to brush them away without complaint and he moves you to sit on the edge of the bed while he squats in front of you, hands never leaving your face. He’s speaking to you, offering reassurance and comfort, but every word goes in one ear and out the other. All you can think about it what San said to you right before passing out on top of you.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You did well, Y/N. Remember that.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Those words ring in your ears. The person you’ve been trying to save, the one who took the fall for you, the person this has all been for – the fighting, the running, the killing, the damn papers – he said the exact same thing before walking to his death before the King of Eros.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Act Two - Part Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"I’m afraid.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>You kick at the water under your bare toes, barely feeling the chill of the liquid as your foot passes through it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know, Y/N. I am too, but I promise he’ll be okay.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The clearing is empty tonight. Your only company is the brilliant red moon hanging in the sky above you and a scattering of stars around it. Daichi’s absence does not go unnoticed in your eyes, although you can’t say you miss his presence all too much with what you went through before sleeping.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s not what I’m afraid of…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It is a mystery as to why you are visiting this dreamscape now of all times, especially considering Daichi’s absence. You would rather just dream normally, but that would welcome nightmares that you don’t want to see or experience for a long time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What are you afraid of?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>You squint at the water underneath you. Your reflection glares back at you, just as cruel and cold as always, and no matter how many times you kick it away, it comes straight back after a few ripples. Infuriating. The one person you want to run away from the most is ironically the one you can’t run from at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Myself.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s what you had told Seonghwa when he asked what you meant. A lapse in judgment perhaps, opening a can of worms that should never be opened to anyone, and yet it spilled from your lips with no hesitation whatsoever. Stupid. You ought to learn to control your tongue better. At least, that’s what Daichi would scold you for.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t open up to anyone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hide yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re better off on your own.”</p><p> </p><p>And yet, here you are alone, and you don’t feel better off at all. Because you aren’t truly alone, and that reflection in the shallow lake keeps glaring back at you, and you can’t pull your thoughts away from what happened in that warehouse. Seonghwa didn’t ask you to elaborate on what the hell you meant when you said you were scared of yourself, but he didn’t need to. Your loose lips spilled the truth after two minutes of tears and hand-holding.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I became someone else when she s-stabbed San. I don’t… I don’t know. I-I have no idea what came over me, b-but I became someone I never thought I would be. Someone I never wanted to be.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps Daichi had valid points in saying that you shouldn’t get attached. If becoming attached will cause you to turn into the monster who chased Cara into a corner, then you never want to become attached to anyone or anything. It’s a bit late to make those claims, though, because again, your thoughts are filled with San. San, San, <em>San</em>.</p><p> </p><p>You aren’t the type of person who particularly enjoys exploring emotions and thoughts, but you need to get to the bottom of where that monster came from. The only way to do that is to confront the beast head-on. It’s not like your reflection in the lake is going to jump up and talk to you, however, so you plop to the wet ground and cross your legs under you.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck is wrong with you, Y/N?” You mutter to your reflection, watching minuscule waves ripple across the surface of the water. “The last person you were attached to was…”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You did well, Y/N. Remember that.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Impossibly tall brick walls. It took nearly half an hour to scale just one of them with a sniper on your back. Thirty-two members of the Royal Guard of Eros lined up along a purple carpet. The ego of that king was baffling to a ridiculous degree. Who else would set a royal rug out for a private execution? There he sat upon a gilded throne, golden crown resting on the top of his head. And then – two more members of the royal guard, arms looped around a prisoner who was dragging heavy chains behind him. A black hood over his face, but you knew exactly who he was.</p><p> </p><p>You still remember the cool touch of the air around you as you set up your rifle. You were a bit bold that night, closer to the scene of the execution than was genuinely safe. It wasn’t about being safe that night though.</p><p> </p><p>What was it about? Hell, you can hardly remember at this point what emotions were running through you. You wish you could list your thoughts and feelings out, detail every frustration, and yet all you remember is guilt. An emotion all too familiar. It hasn’t left your gut since you saw San strapped to a chair across from you because fucking hell, he would have been fine if not for you.</p><p> </p><p>If only you hadn’t come into his life, if only you had done things differently, not gotten attached, not said a word. Could have – <em>should</em> have – left without a trace, should have never boarded <em>The Horizon</em> in the first place. So so many things you should have done but didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>You slam a fist down at the reflection of your face. A pointless action, honestly, but at least it makes you feel slightly better. Not for long though, because the guilt just continues to eat away at your insides. The pain is almost physical, such a deep ache in your chest that you have to curl on your side in the midst of the black waters. It soaks through the flimsy white fabric around you and freezes against your skin.</p><p> </p><p>Warmth. That’s what you need. Comfort perhaps. When was the last time you had that? Truly? You’ve been on your own for so long that you don’t remember. It’s childish to think of, but you just want to curl up next to someone in bed and stay there forever. This emptiness and pain is the only constant in your life – along with that nagging guilt – and for once, you want a damn change. You drag your knees closer to your chest, wishing the pain away and squeezing your eyes shut to block out the sight of your glaring reflection.</p><p> </p><p>You don’t know how long you remain like that, but the cold does eventually dissipate. The dreamscape fades away little by little; you are slowly waking up again, a strange concept if you think about it too hard. You opt not to think about it though, letting yourself return to the waking world.</p><p> </p><p>Reality is darker than your dreamscape was. The room is nearly pitch black, just a bit of yellow light filtering in from under the door. You roll onto your back and look over at where Seonghwa should be. He’s still sound asleep, lying on his side and facing you. His features remain soft and gentle without any tension. In the back of your mind, you think about how warm his touch was when he took hold of your hand and held you to his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Waking up is worse than being stuck in the dreamscape. Your whole body aches and burns, muscles tired from the previous day’s strain, and you couldn’t move even if you wanted to. It’s your leg that hurts the worst though; every small movement sends shockwaves of searing pain through your whole thigh. Your chest aches and burns as well, although not being of any physical wounds. No, it’s only thoughts of San that fill your mind as you wake up. Then the guilt bites at your heels, gnawing and gnawing until you give in and let the cold wash over you.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa’s hand lingers in the empty space between the two of you. The warmth of his touch is still on your mind — the need for comfort. You want to reach out and take hold of his hand but push that desire down with as much willpower as you have left in your body.</p><p> </p><p>You muster up enough strength to roll back onto your side and face the wall rather than look at Seonghwa. When you shift on the mattress, you feel Seonghwa’s hand brush against your back, and that desire trickles through the cracks in your resolve.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I just don’t want to be alone.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>You were far too open last night, that’s for sure. Said far too much and exposed more than you should have. You let your guard down – you’ve done that twice now with these damn pirates – but the warmth Seonghwa offered was too tempting to pass up.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You aren’t alone, Y/N. Not anymore. I promise.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m tired of this feeling… I’m sick of feeling nothing but empty and cold.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know… I know what you’re feeling. You have us now. You don’t have to do anything on your own anymore.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Even though Seonghwa tried to reassure you, it only made you feel worse. Relying on people. That’s what he had suggested. You have never relied on anyone a day in your life. It was just how you were raised, what you were taught, the thing you were supposed to do. Relying on someone meant that you were not strong enough to do it on your own. That weakness was unneeded and unwanted. So <em>why </em>was Seonghwa so desperate for you to rely on them?</p><p> </p><p>Your breath catches in your throat as Seonghwa shifts. His body draws closer, and he drapes an arm over your waist. You panic under the touch, his fingers latching onto the other side of your abdomen without a breath of hesitation. Your shoulder nearly knocks him in the chin as he presses his face into your back. The sudden overwhelming warmth that washes over you catches you off-guard. The touch is foreign and unfamiliar, but it’s not something you’re opposed to either. You want so desperately to press back against him and just relax in his grip, but your mind won’t let you. The sirens that blare in your head ring Daichi’s warnings. Seonghwa’s face is so close to the neckline of your shirt. If he woke up now, he could see the markings running down your spine. How detrimental would that be?</p><p> </p><p>And <em>yet</em>. You don’t push him away; you don’t slide out from under his arm, you don’t do anything except relax some of the tension in your shoulders. The sensation is comfortable; it takes away that nagging coldness and pushes the anxieties and worries surrounding San to the side. Funny how the slightest motion managed to have that impact on you. Seonghwa presses his head to the back of your neck. Hot breath fans over your skin, and you shiver at the sudden sensation.</p><p> </p><p>For once, you don’t feel empty. You feel comforted, wanted, needed maybe. You’ve always felt <em>needed</em>, but only as a tool or a weapon. Not just as a person. And yet, as Seonghwa clings to you, you don’t feel like either of those things. You bring a hesitant hand up and drape it over Seonghwa’s, fingers finding his and lacing through the spaces between them so you can cling to him. You don’t know what time it is or if you should go back to bed, but you do anyway, clinging to Seonghwa without a care in the world.</p><p> </p><p>It’s the most peaceful sleep you have had in months, if not longer. Rarely do you ever sleep with such a sense of warmth of comfort, and it’s even more rare for you to escape with a dreamless night. But after you fell back asleep with Seonghwa, you didn’t dream of anything at all, not even that cursed dreamscape that’s so prevalent in your life.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa wakes you up the second time – well, less of Seonghwa himself and more of Seonghwa’s wristband beeping obnoxiously in your ear and waking the both of you up. Seonghwa pulls himself up, hand retracting from your waist in an instant, and you try not to think about how much you miss the warmth already. He rolls to the side and throws his legs over the side of the bed. You can’t see what he’s doing even as you turn on your side to look at him because he has his back to you, but his voice resounds a few moments later, and you understand what’s going on.</p><p> </p><p>“Captain?” Seonghwa asks, voice thick with grogginess. “Oh? Hold on.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa stands up and walks around the edge of the bed, eyes finding yours as he approaches you. He kneels next to you even though he could’ve just moved over on the bed, but you don’t question it in favor of listening to whatever Hongjoong has to say. Seonghwa fiddles a bit with his wristband – which he took back shortly before you fell asleep the first time last night – then sound begins to filter through the band.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, fire away, Hongjoong.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, San woke up early this morning.”</p><p> </p><p>Despite the fantastic news, Hongjoong doesn’t sound all too enthused. Instead, he seems exhausted – like he stayed up all night, which you don’t doubt he did given his concern for San. The news still sparks hope in you, a tiny bit of warmth blossoming across your chest as you sit up in bed.</p><p> </p><p>” About four hours ago when I was taking my shift for watching him. He’s still in a lot of pain, but the doctor gave him some IV drips to help him recover some of the lost fluids. She said that she would typically keep a patient like San for a few more days, but since we have a healer on deck, then we can take him back to the ship. We’re letting him rest up a little more, and we won’t make him walk all the way back to the transport train on his own, but we’ll be heading out soon. Meet us at the platform in around thirty minutes, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good, Joong,” Seonghwa mutters in response, glancing up at you to get confirmation. You nod a few times, and Seonghwa pulls back to stand up straight again. Hongjoong doesn’t respond, leaving the two of you with the information and nothing else.</p><p> </p><p>You groan as you pull your legs over the side of the bed. The minute movements cause pain to rip through your left leg, and you grip it lightly as you try to sit up straight. Seonghwa notices the pain in a heartbeat, hands darting out to latch onto your wrists before you decide to move further.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yea, it’s just… fucking <em>sore</em>,” you grumble and let Seonghwa put his hands in yours to help pull you up. The motion causes more pain to tear through you, just the slightest twitches of your muscles burn and ache, and you let go of Seonghwa’s hands to fall back to the edge of the bed with a grimace.</p><p> </p><p>“Need me to carry you, princess?” Seonghwa cracks a small smile, but you don’t return it this time. He must sense that something isn’t right in that moment because he moves to sit next to you on the edge of the bed. “Are you still worried about San?”</p><p> </p><p>Funny how he managed to hit the nail on the head with only one guess.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you not?” You counter, trying to deflect the question back onto him.</p><p> </p><p>“I am… I am, but I am also looking at the positives as well. He’s awake. Less than twenty-four hours after passing out and nearly dying. That’s – that’s something only a fighter could do.” Seonghwa squeezes the edge of the bed, smiling at you when you glance at him out of the corner of your eye. “I told you he wouldn’t go down easily.”</p><p> </p><p>“And even if he recovers from the physical aspects, then what? What about the mental parts?” Your gaze flits over to Seonghwa over and over, not daring to maintain eye contact. Seonghwa’s hand shifts from the mattress to grab the hand resting on your thigh. You freeze and look him in the eye the second he holds your hand. It’s like magic the way even just that slightest touch brings you out of the anxiety and refocuses your thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“And what about you? When are you going to worry about yourself for two seconds?”</p><p> </p><p>You huff and tug your hand away from Seonghwa’s.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have time to worry about myself,” you mutter as you look away from the dark-haired man. You barely catch sight of the smirk that travels across his lips before you lose sight of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, princess, well, until you do have time to worry about yourself, I’ll just do that worrying for you.” Seonghwa pushes off the bed, pressing his hands against his thighs as he gets up, and you narrow your eyes at his sudden movements. “But right now, let’s get to the train platform and off this fucking planet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I can get behind that,” you respond before trying to stand up again. You aren’t sure why you thought you would have better luck this time around, because you don’t fare any better. Seonghwa’s hands dart out to catch you as your steps falter.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey… don’t push it. You don’t have to act strong for anyone.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not trying to act strong. I’m–”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re trying to prove yourself to Hongjoong,” Seonghwa interjects, hands sliding up your arms, and you freeze upon hearing the words. Infuriating. Absolutely infuriating how Seonghwa read you that easily.</p><p> </p><p>“Who said that? I have nothing to prove to him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Except you think you do, even though you truly don’t.” Seonghwa tilts his head from side to side, neck popping with the movements, then he turns around in front of you. You blink at his back in disbelief for a few moments, unsure of what the hell he’s trying to do. It’s only when he stoops down a little and sticks his arms out behind him that you realize what he wants you to do.</p><p> </p><p>“No. Nope. Not happening. Absolutely <em>not</em>,” you refuse before he even has the chance to ask you to climb on. Seonghwa releases a huff of frustration and twists to look at you over his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you rather me carry you like a corpse?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, actually, I would.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s somehow less embarrassing?”</p><p> </p><p>“I would rather you drag me out by the heels before I get on your back like a child.” You cross your arms over your chest to accentuate the point, but Seonghwa doesn’t budge either.</p><p> </p><p>“Neither of us is leaving this room until you get on my back.”</p><p> </p><p>“This is absolutely ridiculous. I am not doing that. I don’t know why the hell you would think th–” You cut off with a small shriek as Seonghwa reels on you, arms lifting you over his shoulder with too much ease. He bends you over him, and frankly, all you can see in this position is ass. Maybe he was right and this is in fact worse than being on his back.</p><p> </p><p>“Still want to be carried like a corpse?” Seonghwa asks, securing a hand on your hip.</p><p> </p><p>“I will kill you in your sleep, Seonghwa.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kinky.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you don’t–”</p><p> </p><p>Again, Seonghwa doesn’t let you finish the thought, although this time it’s because he’s lowering you back to the ground with a somewhat pleased smile stretching across his lips. You glare back at him, face moderately deadpan as he continues to look pleased with himself, then smack him upside the arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up and turn around,” you huff, lifting your chin in an indignant manner.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, princess, but you’ll have to try harder than that.” His teasing doesn’t escape your notice, nor does it take a while to sink in this time, but you don’t give him the pleasure of seeing you get flustered again. You smack his arm a second time. Seonghwa chuckles as he turns back around, squatting down again to let you awkwardly jump up on his back. You nearly miss entirely thanks to your leg, but Seonghwa catches you nonetheless. He feigns a grunt as you settle on his back.</p><p> </p><p>“Make one smart-ass remark and I’ll end you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well damn, aye-aye Captain.” Seonghwa tosses his head back with a laugh, and his hair brushes across your cheek as he moves. You secure yourself further by draping your arms around his neck, holding on for dear life as he takes you into the hall. Your whole body burns with embarrassment; you truly meant it when you said you would instead be dragged by your ankles, but that is not an option. This, however, is truly humiliating. It only gets worse as Seonghwa descends the stairs with you on his back, and the bartender catches sight of you two before you step out into the streets.</p><p> </p><p>“Rough night?” He chuckles, wiping down a clear glass with a cloth.</p><p> </p><p>“I went a bit too hard on round three, but she’ll be okay,” Seonghwa jests as he passes a crooked smile to the bartender. You feign a laugh of your own, cheeks searing from the implications in his words, then tighten your grip on his neck.</p><p> </p><p>“You wouldn’t make it to round three, pretty boy. I guarantee you’d be out after one.” You hiss the words under your breath, too embarrassed to say them any louder than that. Seonghwa chuckles then pinches the underside of your uninjured thigh lightly as he pushes out of the hotel.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that a challenge?”</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking wish.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm…” Seonghwa trails off, leaving you with only an indistinct sound that doesn’t confirm or deny anything. Even though you can’t see his face, you can practically hear the smirk in his tone as he speaks again. “Perhaps I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop saying stupid shit,” you mutter through the embarrassment, unable to run away since you’re planted on his back.</p><p> </p><p>“It seems to be the only way to get your mind off things. San in particular.” Seonghwa heaves a deep sigh as you weave through the crowds. It’s still morning, as evidenced by the sun that doesn’t hang in the middle of the sky quite yet, but the streets are still filled to the brim. “Constantly looking at the negatives will get you nowhere in life. Just thinking: what’s going to go wrong? That’s a recipe for disaster, as is only thinking about the past. What went wrong in the past doesn’t necessarily mean that it will go wrong in the future. When was the last time you took a step back and just let yourself relax?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know…” You press yourself closer to Seonghwa, chin resting atop his shoulder as you mull over the question. The proper answer would probably be never because again, you can’t catch a fucking break.</p><p> </p><p>“God, you’re just like Hongjoong,” Seonghwa chuckles as he shakes his head a little. “That explains why you don’t see eye to eye. Too damn similar. I need to get the two of you in a room and give you a bottle of alcohol. See how you’re feeling after that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have time to get drunk.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? You have other plans?”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I… well, no. I just don’t have time.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll need a better excuse than that, princess.”</p><p> </p><p>You don’t respond, frowning at Seonghwa’s side profile out the corner of your eye as he continues to carry you through the streets. Once the silence arrives though, your worries and anxieties return. Perhaps Seonghwa was right and those sorts of distractions are the only thing that can keep you from being negative.</p><p> </p><p>“Were you having nightmares last night?”</p><p> </p><p>The question catches you off-guard, and you pull your chin up to blink at Seonghwa’s face in wonder. He keeps his eyes forward, watching the people around you rather than meeting your curious stare.</p><p> </p><p>“N-No, not really. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“You were tossing and turning most of the night.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh… oh.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s why I moved closer to you, in the hopes that I could help you rest easier in the very least. I’m a light sleeper, so don’t think you woke me up or anything.”</p><p> </p><p>You subconsciously tighten your grip on Seonghwa as he says the words. There is warmth in them; comfort and peace – all things you aren’t used to having. Just the thought of Seonghwa realizing that you weren’t sleeping well and trying to comfort you is overwhelming. He wanted to help.</p><p> </p><p>Why? Surely he has an ulterior motive, something that drives him to act that way. There has to be. No one ever just offers help like that without wanting something in return. Maybe it’s a game. Betrayal at the end perhaps? It wouldn’t be the first time someone has done that to you. And yet as that warmth persists, the only question you can think of is <em>why</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop thinking so hard. I can practically hear you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up,” you mutter.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m only shutting up because we’re at the platform.”</p><p> </p><p>“Your point?”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t want to greet San?”</p><p> </p><p>You snap your head up upon hearing Seonghwa’s words. Sure enough, there lies the train platform. Hongjoong and Mingi are both standing next to the train car, Hongjoong’s hands pressed against his hips as he looks at you and Seonghwa approaching. Then there beside Hongjoong’s lithe figure stands San, albeit a little hunched and with a crutch resting under his right arm, but alive and awake nonetheless. Seonghwa doesn’t wait for you to tell him to set you down; he bends so you can hop off his back and move towards San.</p><p> </p><p>However, you don’t move right away, a little stuck in place as you meet San’s eyes. He looks exhausted, but he still presses a smile across his lips nonetheless. It’s awkward, tense, and completely the wrong time for this with Hongjoong, Mingi, and Seonghwa all lingering nearby.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I… I’m gl-glad you’re up,” you stammer. In your sudden bout of nervousness, you press closer to Seonghwa’s side. If he seems surprised, he doesn’t make it known; his hand darts to rest against the small of your back.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad you’re okay,” San responds, smile never leaving his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“You can save the pleasantries for later,” Hongjoong cuts in, tone flat but you catch the relief on his features nonetheless. “Let’s just get off this damn planet.”</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds like a good idea,” Seonghwa says, returning Hongjoong’s words with a small smile. “I think we’re all ready to put this place behind us and move onto the next lead.” Oh, right. That’s how this whole mission started: finding a lead for a Siren. Funny how now it feels like that’s never what this was about. Hongjoong nods and turns to step onto the train car, and Mingi follows suit quickly, an arm looping around San’s back to help him move. Seonghwa doesn’t give you that same pleasure; he picks you up against, cradling you like a baby this time, and you press your lips into a frown as he carries you onto the train. However, the action isn’t directed at Seonghwa at all, not related in the slightest in fact.</p><p> </p><p>There was an awkward hesitance between you and San. You can’t pinpoint it. You should be over the moon because he’s up, alive, and awake like Seonghwa said. Except you aren’t. Something feels unfinished that leaves a lingering bad taste in the back of your throat.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa doesn’t squeeze you in beside San in the booth he sits at with Hongjoong and Mingi. Instead, he slips you into the booth behind where San sits, then slides across the cushion to sit beside you. It isn’t until the train begins to move that he speaks. His words are hushed and spoken so quietly that you have to lean in to catch them.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay to cry, you know,” he murmurs. His gaze is almost too soft when he looks over at you.</p><p> </p><p>“Who said I was gonna cry?” You huff, folding your arms over your chest as you refuse to meet Seonghwa’s gaze. Seonghwa doesn’t answer right away, and it leaves an opening for you to elaborate on your feelings. You jump at the chance, which is strange because you regularly would never be the type to do so. “Something doesn’t feel right with him.”</p><p> </p><p>“You need to give it time. You can’t just… expect things to be the same after what the two of you went through. Th–”</p><p> </p><p>“That changes people, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“I was going to say that the best thing you can do right now is give him time. He needs to work through what happened on his own, especially since it was something so personal to him. And in the meantime, you need to take a step back and look after yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>“Easy to say.”</p><p> </p><p>“Harder to do,” Seonghwa says. You let your hand fall to the space between the two of you, and he laces his fingers through yours with no hesitation. Neither of you speak for quite sometime after that. You don’t know how or when but you eventually fall asleep with your fingers intertwined with his and your cheek against his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>It’s another dreamless sleep, and you can feel the rumble of the train against your body the whole time but it isn’t enough to wake you up. Seonghwa doesn’t even budge – at least you don’t notice anything. When he finally taps your arm and squeezes your hand to tell you that the train has stopped, you don’t see any signs of grogginess or sleep on Seonghwa’s sharp features.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re here, princess.”</p><p> </p><p>You nod a few times and pull your hand out of Seonghwa’s to rub at your eyes with the back of your hands. As you stand up, you see Mingi carry San off the train on his back, his body limp against Mingi’s much larger one. A surge of panic courses through you. Seonghwa seems to notice immediately, his hand returning to the small of your back.</p><p> </p><p>“He was tired too but Hongjoong didn’t want to wake him up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah,” you exhale while watching Mingi and Hongjoong pull ahead in the direction of the ship. Seonghwa picks you up once more, and you’ll be quite pleased when you can walk on your own again because for some reason it feels even more embarrassing to be carried onto the ship.</p><p> </p><p>The two of you fall into a reasonably comfortable silence after that. There is no need to say anything else, even as you board the ship with Yeosang and Jongho waiting just inside to greet your return. You aren’t particularly interested in talking to either of them at the moment; in fact, you aren’t interested in talking to anyone at all. You would really love to have about ten glasses of whatever alcohol Seonghwa was offering earlier.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa drops you off at your room, which you’re grateful for because he seems to have read your mind once again. However, as soon as he puts you on the bed and moves to pull away, you snag his sleeve.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong?” He asks, scooting back to the edge of the bed where you sit.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m scared of being alone again,” you say through a small stammer.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re not going anywhere, Y/N.” Seonghwa brings a hand to brush a few loose strands off your forehead. He bends at the waist, lips coming to rest on your skin. The touch is gone so quickly that if you hadn’t been so rapt you would have missed it. You want more.</p><p> </p><p>Shaky hands find Seonghwa’s collar and tug him further down until he has to brace his hands on the mattress. Your lips are centimeters apart, hot breath mixing together, and the two of you stop there. The tension in the room is so thick that you could slice through it with a knife. Seonghwa’s lips part then close over and over. You can’t tell whether he wants to say something or not, but he doesn’t let you think on it for long because he presses forward. Your lips collide. The force is harder than you expected, but Seonghwa’s lips are like a cushion on yours.</p><p> </p><p>So many warning signals are firing off in your head, telling you that this is a bad idea, this won’t fix anything, this will only make things worse and worse over time, you’ll regret this. You push them all to the side when Seonghwa applies more pressure to your lips, and your desperate hands work their way up to wrap around Seonghwa’s neck and entangle in his hair.</p><p> </p><p>Warmth. It’s what you are desperate for, what you want more than anything else. You want what Seonghwa offers so severely that you don’t even stop to think about what sort of consequences might unfold because of this. Seonghwa’s hands find your waist and squeeze tight. He lifts you up to push you further onto the mattress, making room to climb on with you. Your lips never disconnect. The warmth spreads like wildfire through your body, every single touch leaves you hot, and when Seonghwa kneels over you on the mattress, that heat spreads further down.</p><p> </p><p>You kick your shoes off as best you can, sending them sprawling across the floor, and Seonghwa takes it as an invitation to do the same. You part for only a few seconds to catch your breath. In that lapse, Seonghwa fumbles with his belt buckle and tugs the leather off to toss it to the floor alongside your shoes. When he moves back down to capture your lips again, his thigh presses hard against your clothed core. You gasp at the sensation, and Seonghwa takes the opportunity to slip his long tongue between your lips. Perhaps if you weren’t so desperate, you would put up more of a fight, but the second his tongue breaches your mouth, you give in and let him win dominance.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa slides a hand down your injured leg, brushing over your thigh with a featherlight touch before moving his hands inwards. He catches the band of your pants between deft fingers and starts to tug them down. You don’t stop him; the sensation feels too good and the heat it provides spurs you ever onward. He pulls off your lips to focus on tugging the pants down, taking extra care around your bandages. His lips leave a hot path down your skin as well, kissing every spot he can as he pulls and pulls until your pants are around your ankles.</p><p> </p><p>There is force behind his actions but still hesitance and gentleness. He treats you like a piece of glass, long fingers dancing over your skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. Seonghwa starts to work his way back up your body, and you are ready to grab him by the shirt and tug his clothing off when he hesitates at your hips.</p><p> </p><p>Soft lips touch the dip of your hipbone. His tongue drags across the skin next and sucks dark marks across the canvas of your body. He works his fingers under the band of your underwear and begins to tug them off much slower than he pulled your pants off. Your heart leaps a little in your chest as he exposes your lower half. Once your underwear is gone, you feel bare even though you’re still half-clothed. Seonghwa’s hands follow the curves of your body until he finds yours. Your fingers thread together and squeeze tight.</p><p> </p><p>You glance down at where Seonghwa is positioned between your legs when nothing happens. He blinks back at you with wide eyes, and even though he doesn’t verbalize it, the question hangs in the air between you.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Are you sure about this?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>You nod and exhale a breathy “yes”, then Seonghwa moves forward. The flat of his tongue drags against your folds, pressing them open, and you jolt when he brushes over your clit. His hands stay in yours. With each prod of his tongue – his <em>talented</em> tongue, at that –  he squeezes your hands a bit. Your whole body is on fire as he continues his ministrations, and you know you won’t last long if he keeps up like this.</p><p> </p><p>One of his hands slips away from yours after a little while, moving to join his tongue between your legs, and you cry out softly when he pushes a single finger into you. His fingers are deceptively lithe and thin, but now that one is actually in you, you’re realizing how big they actually are. Seonghwa presses kiss after kiss against your clit and pauses every once in a while to lick a long stripe over your folds as his fingers work you open. It doesn’t take long for him to add a second and start scissoring you. It’s when he crooks his fingers in you and sucks harshly at your clit that an orgasm crashes over you. You try to bite back a moan but the sound tumbles forth nonetheless, filling the air with your pleasure as Seonghwa helps you ride out the intense sensation. You are still recovering from the blinding light that overtook your vision when he pulls his fingers out of you, a satisfied smirk playing at his lips. You think he’s going to pull away completely and leave, fingers tightening around the ones that your hand still holds.</p><p> </p><p>“Please,” you whisper. You say nothing other than that, but the meaning is there for Seonghwa to interpret and pick up on. He does, and you let his hand go so that he can fumble with the button of his pants. A prominent bulge resides behind the fabric, one that you can’t take your eyes off. Needless to say, you aren’t at all ready when his member does spring loose. He isn’t confident for nothing, that much is obvious. You gnaw on your lower lip as you look over him, still enraptured by his sheer beauty and attractiveness even in the low light of the room. A few strands of dark hair have fallen over his eyes, and you don’t hesitate before reaching up to brush them out of the way. Your fingers trace down the side of his face at you bring your hand back down, but Seonghwa catches hold of it and laces his fingers through yours.</p><p> </p><p>Pressing soft kisses against your fingers, Seonghwa positions himself between your legs with his free hand. You gasp as his member pushes into you and squeeze his hand tighter. You ball up the sheets into your other fist. Seonghwa catches the movements out the corner of his eye. His other hand darts out to fold around that one too. As he continues to sheath his cock in you, he leans forward. Your hands come to rest beside your head with Seonghwa pinning them to the mattress. He bottoms out a moment later. Neither of you moves, drinking in the sensation and each other without saying a word.</p><p> </p><p>Then with a small nod, you prompt Seonghwa to move. He does, pulling all the way out before fucking back into you with a sharp thrust. The snap of his hips causes a moan to tumble from your lips. Seonghwa eats it right up; he bends down to capture your mouth in his again. This time, you let his tongue in immediately, and you can almost taste yourself on him. The filthiness of that fact draws a whimper out of you, and you bring up your right leg to hook around Seonghwa’s hips. Your left leg is practically useless and you could move it if you wanted to be in pain. The pure pleasure Seonghwa is providing is all you want though.</p><p> </p><p>His thrusts pick up in pace, and he builds a steady rhythm to fuck you into the mattress. Your moans are obscene in quantity and volume. Seonghwa’s lips never leave yours though so the sounds don’t go anywhere except his mouth. Small grunts escape him with each harsh thrust, but other than that he is a quiet lover. After a few minutes like that, you’re sure that your orgasm is coming soon. Then Seonghwa shifts his hips ever so slightly, and suddenly, you are seeing stars. He knocks against your sweet spot only two times before your orgasm crashes over you. The sensation of your walls tightening around his member spur him to hit his climax as well. The warmth that overcomes you is the best you’ve felt yet.</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa relaxes against your body, lips sliding down to press kisses against the line of your jaw. If your chest wasn’t heaving so hard, you would try to return the kisses with ones of your own. As you’re basking in the aftermath with Seonghwa panting over you, something hits you. You aren’t sure what it is, and the feeling it leaves in your chest is not something you ever want to experience again. And then you become cold again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Act Two - Part Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seonghwa steps out of the bathroom with a towel in hand and wet strands of hair clinging to his forehead. You glance over at him from your place on the bed, body already showered and bundled up under the layers of blankets and sheets. Seonghwa’s gaze is as soft as his smile as he looks over you. You’re struggling to keep your eyes open though, and if you stay bundled up like this, you’ll fall asleep at any second.</p><p> </p><p>“You look tired,” Seonghwa says as he rubs the towel over his dark hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Do I?” You huff out a small laugh. “I guess I’m more tired than I thought.”</p><p> </p><p>“I went easy on you,” Seonghwa remarks, smile stretching his lips wider. You roll your eyes at his light-hearted comment and pull the sheets up to your chin.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you need to go see Hongjoong now?”</p><p> </p><p>There is a breath of hesitation, and Seonghwa lets the question linger in the air for a little while before pursing his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I should’ve gone sooner, most likely.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t get chewed out.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure I will regardless,” Seonghwa laughs as he turns back to the bathroom, continuing to rub at his hair until it’s mostly dry. You watch him from your spot on the bed, too tired to move much. “Will you be okay on your own?” He asks as he comes back into your room.</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, I should be. I’ll probably just sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, that’s good. You need the rest.” Seonghwa darts his tongue out to moisten his lips. “I’ll come get you for dinner.”</p><p> </p><p>“As long as you don’t try to carry me in there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right, of course. You can walk just fine on your own, is that it?” Seonghwa doesn’t wait for you to respond. He walks towards your door, grabbing his jacket off the foot of the bed before he goes, and you just watch his movements with a stirring sensation in your gut.</p><p> </p><p>“Seonghwa…” You trail off, nerves getting the better of you before you can finish the sentence. Seonghwa stops moving but doesn’t turn completely around to look at you. He must anticipate the question you intend to ask because you catch the way his shoulders draw up a little. “It was just a-a distraction, right?”</p><p> </p><p>An airy laugh escapes the man’s chest.</p><p> </p><p>“If that’s what you want it to be, then yes.”</p><p> </p><p>The words don’t sit right with you though, and you push yourself up to look at Seonghwa more clearly. A frown paints your lips. You aren’t sure if it’s your frown or the movements that cause Seonghwa to take a few steps in your direction.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry, Y/N.” He places a hesitant hand on the foot of the bed, eyes on yours as he speaks in a quiet tone. “I’m not the type to get overly attached or anything like that. Sex is sex. It just happened to be what you needed at the time. Nothing has to come out of it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yea… okay, you’re right.” Seonghwa’s smile is a bit tighter this time, and he leaves the room before you can stop him. As soon as the door slides shut behind his retreating form, you fall back to the mattress and clench a fist around your shirt. That feeling from before is lingering in your chest again. It’s almost tangible, like you could reach into your torso and pull it out if you tried hard enough. You almost want to attempt to do so, but you do nothing except lie there with a hand clenching around fabric for what feels like hours.</p><p> </p><p>You can’t quite pinpoint the emotion. It’s sharp and pinching, but also dull and throbbing. Hot and cold. Both sides of a coin. And yet, that can’t be possible. Something that feels good in the moment, but is terrible in the long run? Or could it be the other way around? You don’t know whether the sensation is a good one or a bad one. It certainly doesn’t make you happy, and that’s all you know.</p><p> </p><p>Even after you close your eyes, you can’t seem to fall asleep. The room is dark and quiet, everything is at peace, but your mind isn’t. You grow tired of the waiting and wasting time after a while, so you roll to the other side of the bed. You pad through the darkness to hit the small switch near your bed, and yellow light illuminates the room in an instant. With a sharp tug, you pull one of your nightstand drawers open and close your fingers around the bundle of papers inside.</p><p> </p><p>The parchment is still rough to the touch as you flatten it against your mattress. The ink remains clear and legible, no breaks in the black lines over it, and that signature hasn’t budged one bit. The only thing missing is one final signature.</p><p> </p><p>The name of the person being pardoned.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>In the name of His Royal Highness, the King of Eros, the man whose name appears on the bottom line of these papers is hereby pardoned of all crimes listed:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Piracy</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Larceny</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Arson</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nefarious Behavior</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Aiding and Abetting Criminals</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Murder</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Treason</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Betrayal of the Crown</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On account of these crimes being pardoned, all sentences issued to the criminal are to be absolved. His name is to be wiped clean, his records will become a blank slate, and there will be no further punishments for the crimes that have been committed.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>You still haven’t put a signature at the bottom of the pages, and you aren’t quite sure what’s holding you back at this point. Part of you thinks that you don’t have the right to put your friend’s name on the papers. Another part says that you aren’t worthy and haven’t earned enough forgiveness for what you did. The final part is just terrified of going through with it. It adds to a seemingly recurring issue in your life: you can’t get anything right. You fail at even the things you claim to want the most.</p><p> </p><p>With a huff, you shove the papers back into your nightstand. You swing your legs over the side of the bed and attempt to stand up. It’s only when you put every ounce of pressure on your leg that you remember your damn injury. Pain shoots up your thigh, and you bend over with a small shout.</p><p> </p><p>“F-Fucking hell…” you mutter as you lower yourself back to the bed. Seonghwa is busy with Hongjoong, no doubt, and you don’t want to risk Hongjoong’s ire by calling his treasured Lieutenant away again. Yunho would be a decent option since you should probably ask him to look at your leg anyway. Once you bring a hand to your wrist, you realize that your comms system is gone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Still broken. Of course.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>There’s no other way to contact the crew unless you attempt to scream at the top of your lungs in the hopes that someone might hear. You aren’t particularly interested in doing that though, so you hoist your leg back onto the bed and bring the sheets back over your body. Despite the fact that you were just under them not too long ago, the sensation of them against your skin is cold. Not only void of body heat, but all warmth in general.</p><p> </p><p>You find yourself missing Seonghwa’s comforting and warm presence in that moment. You refuse to let that linger for long, and squeeze your eyes shut in efforts to get some sleep. But the moment Seonghwa leaves your mind, San enters it.</p><p> </p><p>San, tied to a chair, crying and begging for you not to be hurt.</p><p> </p><p>Your eyes have never flown open so fast in your life. The image remains at the forefront of your mind nonetheless. You curl further into yourself as it persists. Maybe if you could just see San again and know that he’s okay – yet you did before boarding the train. It didn’t help. You saw him alive, breathing, on his feet, and it still didn’t reassure you in the slightest. Because you still don’t know if he’s <em>okay</em>.</p><p> </p><p>If he isn’t, then you need to —</p><p> </p><p>You halt that thought process before it can go any further. It’s already dangerous enough as it is. For once, you want to return to your dreamscape if only to escape the nightmare that you know waits for you on the other side of consciousness. When you next close your eyes, darkness is the only thing that greets you. You don’t have time to count your blessings before sleep hits, and you fall into a pleasant rest.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p>Eight days.</p><p> </p><p>That is how long it’s been since you returned to <em>The Horizon</em>, and in the span of those eight days, you can’t say that you’ve done much at all. San is still out of commission. You haven’t even seen him in passing; he’s been locked up in his room the entire time, and Yunho goes to his room to treat his wounds but never asks anyone to come with. You haven’t had much of an opportunity to go see him either.</p><p> </p><p>The first six days were mostly spent in bed, thanks to Yunho’s demands. Seonghwa would come by often to get you up and moving, though you never strayed far from your room. The furthest you have gone is the dining hall to get food where you eat with Jongho and Seonghwa. Sometimes Wooyoung joins the three of you, but only if Yeosang isn’t around. Occasionally, Yunho takes Wooyoung’s place when Yeosang isn’t busy doing whatever the fuck he does. If you weren’t feeling up to moving around that much, Seonghwa or Yunho would just bring you some food, keeping you company all the while. Your life has been void of Hongjoong and Mingi during the past week, however, and frankly, it doesn’t bother you all too much.</p><p> </p><p>After three days, Yunho started having you come to the medbay rather than going to you. Seonghwa helped sometimes, even Wooyoung made appearances in the medbay, but never any sign of San.</p><p> </p><p>Day six saw Yunho trying to get you to walk around on your own some. You were able to with a bit of pain, but nothing tore or reopened, which was apparently a good sign. All minor cuts have healed up without scarring, so it’s only the deeper one that’s left. Yunho did tell you that it would take around ten days for you to fully heal, and thus that’s why you find yourself in the medbay on the morning of the eighth day.</p><p> </p><p>Yunho stands across the room, waiting for you to walk in his direction. His hair has changed colors yet again – now a soft peachy color – and you wonder how much time he has on his hands if he’s able to dye his hair so often. Wooyoung is present as well, but he stands off to the side and organizes some supplies rather than watching you walk over to Yunho.</p><p> </p><p>He was unexpectedly happy to see you when he first found out you were back, relief on his sharp features, and you vaguely recall him telling you that you did a good job while wrapping you up in a hug.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A good job.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They keep telling you that you did well, so why does it feel like you did anything <em>but </em>well?</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not limping anymore!” Yunho exclaims as you move towards him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, it doesn’t hurt at all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm, that may be the case, but you have to actually do your physical therapy this time. Including the therapy for your arm.” Yunho’s pointed stare levels you with ease, and you purse your lips as he sends the disappointed look your way. “I’m a doctor, Y/N, which means that it’s my job to heal you and get you back on your feet. After that, it’s on you to make sure you stayed healed. And regain your strength. And take care of yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>The pointed glare lingers a bit longer. You turn away and try your best to feign ignorance. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Yunho shake his head ever so slightly before he redirects his attention to Wooyoung.</p><p> </p><p>“Could you give us a minute to chat, Woo?”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung glances up from his work, eyes darting between you and Yunho, then he nods a few times.</p><p> </p><p>“Yea, yea. Sure. I can come back later to do inventory then?”</p><p> </p><p>“That would be perfect. Thank you.” Yunho smiles at the shorter man as he closes the cabinets in front of him. The smile falls when Wooyoung leaves the room, and you try to avoid that damn stare by walking back to one of the beds. Yunho follows you, pulling a stool out to sit across from you. “We need to talk about what happened in the warehouse with Cara and San.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, we don’t,” you refuse without a breath of hesitation.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N.”</p><p> </p><p>You match Yunho’s stare now, eyes narrowing to an intense glare when he says your name.</p><p> </p><p>“You either have to talk about it now with me or later with Hongjoong. And I guarantee that you don’t want to do it later because Hongjoong is a lot less kind and understanding.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I don’t have to talk about it now. Because I’m fine. Absolutely fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho releases a small sigh. His eyes fall shut as he turns away from you, then he inhales sharply.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, Y/N… Seonghwa – Seonghwa came to me because he’s worried about how what happened affected you. He’s really the only one who has had close contact with you over the past week and a half, so he’s the only one who has seen the impact o–”</p><p> </p><p>“It didn’t affect me at all!” You interject. Embarrassment sears your neck and cheeks as you think about Seonghwa telling Yunho things about you. You can only hope that he didn’t mention the sex, because if he did, then you would like to crawl to the airlock and launch yourself into space. “I have been tortured in the past. It’s nothing new, and it’s nothing traumatic. I am fine, and I will continue to be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Your reaction to the trauma is normal and expected, Y/N,” Yunho continues, ignoring your insistence about being fine. “It’s okay to be affected by what happened, especially something so traumatic.”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho’s words remind you of being stuck in that chair. Your wrists and ankles itch as you think about the ropes that were around them, keeping you stuck in place. The cold touch of a knife on your skin, then your ears ring with San’s screams over and over until you swallow the lump in your throat and speak up again.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re avoiding the problem, Y/N.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don–”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you even gone to see San yet?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, of course I haven’t. He hasn’t left his room.”</p><p> </p><p>“Every single other member of the crew has seen him. Even Yeosang went to see him.” Yunho brings his gaze back to you as he says the words. You chew on the inside of your cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“He hasn’t asked to see me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why does he have to ask? You’re avoiding him. For what reason, Y/N?”</p><p> </p><p>“D-Drop it, Yunho. Please just… I don’t want to talk about it.” you barely register the sudden ache in your chest as tears prick the corners of your eyes. Yunho pulls his stool forward, and the sound that echoes startles you, causing you to flinch away from him a little. The screech of metal against the floor sounds too much like San’s cries of pain. You can’t get it out of your head.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to be a bit blunt with you, Y/N. I will list off several things, and after I’m done, I want you to tell me how many sound familiar to what you’re going through right now. Okay?” Yunho pauses, and it takes you a few moments to realize that he’s waiting for a response from you.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay…” You don’t particularly want Yunho to do this, but you can’t find a way out other than do what he wants. He nods and scoots back to grab a tablet. You pick at the skin under one of your nails while watching him tap away at the surface, unable to push your anxiety down.</p><p> </p><p>“Being easily startled or frightened, always being on guard for danger, self-destructive behavior, trouble sleeping, trouble concentrating, irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior, and overwhelming guilt or shame.”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho glances up at you, but you refuse to respond. He blinks at you for what feels like hours, waiting for some reply that you never provide.</p><p> </p><p>“These are all things I have recognized in you through personally interacting with you and through reports from the other crew members. Things that we’ve seen since you joined the crew. Now, onto more recent occurrences since the events in Echidna. Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event, and avoiding places, activities or people that remind you of the traumatic event. This is how you are behaving currently with the issue of what happened in the warehouse. Not only that, this is how you behave whenever you are confronted with your past. The only discrepancy is that when our paths crossed, we were near Eros, the location of where said traumatic event occurred. Correct?”</p><p> </p><p>“C-Correct,” you mutter, tugging at your nail with more haste.</p><p> </p><p>“Another set of things I would like to share. If they sound familiar, please tell me. Recurrent and unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event, reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again, upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event, and severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event. Please answer honestly, Y/N. I could’ve let Wooyoung stay here, I could’ve had Hongjoong come in, I could’ve asked Seonghwa to be here, but I didn’t. I am trying to give you as much privacy as possible; however, you need to answer the question. If we don’t talk about this now, there won’t be any progress.”</p><p> </p><p>“All of them sound familiar,” you admit without looking Yunho in the eye. You fixate on his collar, watching the fabric ripple as he shifts. Your hands are trembling at an alarming rate. Even when you close your fists around the material of your pants, they continue to shake.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay… thank you. I have one final set I want to run through with you. Negative thoughts about yourself, other people or the world, hopelessness about the future, memory problems – including not remembering important aspects of the traumatic event – difficult maintaining close relationships, difficultly experiencing positive emotions, and feeling emotionally numb. Any of these sound familiar to you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you care about my mental state?” you say instead of answering his question. A sigh – this time a bit more exasperated – leaves Yunho’s lips as he puts his tablet down.</p><p> </p><p>“I asked San all the same questions, and I have asked them of all the crew in the past following particularly harsh missions and events. It’s part of being a doctor, and it’s part of taking care of the crew.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I do my job best the way things are now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Yunho lifts a brow, head tilting to the side. “Because from where I’m standing, all I see is a soldier fallen from grace whose actions haunt her over and over and over again. Without any progress moving forward, just doomed to go through the same traumas again and again. Out of what? A selfish desire to seem okay? An egotistical need to think it makes you better? To impress Hongjoong? You won’t impress him much if you’re dead.”</p><p> </p><p>The harshness of Yunho’s words catches you a bit off-guard. Your jaw hangs open as you try to come up with some sort of defense, but you fail to produce anything.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you like to talk about it now?” Yunho inquires. You can only manage a few nods in response, and Yunho passes a sympathetic smile your way. “I know what happened from San’s point of view, but I want to hear it from you as well.”</p><p> </p><p>“There… there isn’t much to say. San and I were both caught, tied to chairs across from each other, and Cara used me to torture San. That’s all there is to it.”</p><p> </p><p>“That isn’t the full truth though. How did you feel as the situation was going down?” you draw your lips together upon hearing the question.</p><p> </p><p>“Guilty. Yea, guilty. There was nothing I could do to stop her, and I-I felt somewhat responsible for it. He had asked me about revenge the night before.”</p><p> </p><p>“And what did you tell him?”</p><p> </p><p>“Th-That it wasn’t worth it, and it wouldn’t fix anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho leans forward and rests a hand against your knee. You glance up to look him in the eye, gnawing on your lip.</p><p> </p><p>“This isn’t your fault then, Y/N. You warned him. You told him it wouldn’t help. The blame fell on his shoulders after that because he was the one who made the decision. Not you. You can’t blame yourself for something that you didn’t directly cause.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I… I don’t think he was going for revenge though. Something didn’t seem right about it. Maybe he wanted us to think it was revenge and that it just went wrong, but h-he didn’t – he didn’t want to kill Cara. He did it because he had to, because I left him no other choice.”</p><p> </p><p>“You need to talk to San about this, Y/N. You can’t just keep avoiding him and hope that it clears things up because it won’t. You two are misunderstanding each other, and you’re unsure of being near one another because you’re worried something bad could happen again. You’re afraid of seeing one another in that position again, and you’re afraid of confronting each other now because you don’t know what to do. How do people move on from traumatic experiences? How do people recover from that kind of pain? How do you look at each other in the eye without thinking of it? That doesn’t come from avoidance. You can’t grow from that by avoiding him, so you need to confront him. Tell him your thoughts and feelings, tell him what you were afraid of then and what you’re afraid of now. Do you really want to never look San in the eye again?”</p><p> </p><p>“N-No, of course not.” You hesitate. “I feel like I’m going to be here a while, so I want to at least try to…” You trail off, unsure of where that sudden resolve came from. Yunho waits for you to continue, a small smile playing at his lips, but you shake your head and refuse to finish the thought. “I don’t want that, no.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then you need to take care of the hard parts now so that the future can be easier. Not that it’s going to be immediate or easy. But the first step is the hardest one, no?”</p><p> </p><p>“How is he doing?” You divert the subject, not too keen on giving Yunho the pleasure of being right even though you both know that he is. Yunho sits up a bit straighter at your question and withdraws his hand from your knee to tap his chin.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s healing well, almost all better. Maybe one or two more days and he’ll be good to go. He has asked about you multiple times, you know. If you’re healing well, doing okay, looking after yourself, if we’re looking after you, things like that.” He pauses to glance at you again. “You should go over there now. He’s always awake at this time, but I’m keeping him bedridden for the time being.”</p><p> </p><p>You nod slowly and push yourself up from the bed. Yunho catches your arm before you can leave, however, pulling you back to tell you one more thing.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m giving you a list of arm and leg exercises you need to do for physical therapy. I’ll have it for you by the end of the day. You had better do it or else.”</p><p> </p><p>“What happens if I don’t?” You ask, a laugh in your tone. “Is the big bad Yunho gonna come get me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, he will. So you better watch yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Your smile stretches a bit more when Yunho huffs, but when you leave the medbay, it crumbles. Whatever confidence you had leaves your body in an instant. It’s much harder to walk down the corridor now. You could just ignore Yunho’s wishes and avoid San’s door altogether, but your steps don’t stop at your room and continue until you reach San’s bedroom. And you aren’t sure what compels you to do so, because you still desire to avoid San at all costs. Yet here you are lingering outside his room fully prepared to go inside and talk to him. You chase that feeling and bring a fist up to knock at the metal wall before you.</p><p> </p><p>Just before your knuckles make contact with the door, it slides open to reveal Hongjoong standing on the other side. You flinch away from the room as his eyes drag over you. You can’t see past his body to look at San, and he steps past you to let the door slide shut again.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s good that you’re on your feet again,” Hongjoong says. His tone is even, not a hint of emotion lingering in it, and that makes your gut twinge with anxiety. You nod in response and move to knock at San’s door for real this time. Hongjoong catches you by the elbow though and pulls you back a little. He levels you with a cold stare. “San isn’t doing well.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I – but Yunho to-told me otherwise?” You stutter.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t mean physically, moreso mentally.” Hongjoong’s gaze flits away from your face and lands on San’s door for a moment. “I… I can’t g-get him out of his own head. Maybe you can try since this is related to you more than anyone else. If you can’t, then I’ll just keep trying until it works.” Hongjoong drops your arm and walks away before you get the chance to reply. You watch his retreating form for a couple of seconds, then turn back to San’s door. It’s harder to muster up the courage to knock this time because the expression you saw on Hongjoong’s face can only be described as defeat.</p><p> </p><p>When you finally manage to knock a few times, San’s voice is quick to welcome you in, although it’s quite faint. You tap at the keypad with haste, and the door slides back open. Before stepping inside, you take a moment to glance around the room, finding that it looks like yours. There is a bit more decoration; three bookshelves that are lined with books and various trinkets you can’t quite see from the distance you’re at. When you turn your head, you spot San, propped up on his bed with his hands in his lap. He sits up a little straighter as soon as he catches sight of you.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N…”</p><p> </p><p>You press your lips into a smile, but it feels awkward and out of place. It must look that way as well because San releases a small laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“C-Can I come in?” You ask, motioning to the interior of the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, uh, please do. You can – you can sit on the bed if you’d like.”</p><p> </p><p>You move forward upon getting his permission, coming to sit cross-legged on the foot of the bed. You stay as far away from him as you can get, and if he notices, then he chooses not to comment on it.</p><p> </p><p>“Are your wounds healing well?” He asks after silence settles in.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, they’re all healed except for the deeper cut on my leg.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Cara jams the knife into your thigh all of a sudden, ignoring her previous pattern of shallow cuts and burying a good quarter of the blade into your leg.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“That’s good. I’m glad, really glad.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Y/N! Y/N, look at me. Please just look at me,” San pleads, and you pull yourself up to look him in the eye. The nausea is making you a bit dizzy, and San’s face swirls into three different ones until the wave passes over you. “It’s gonna be okay, Y/N. I promise. It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>You force a smile onto your lips as the flashbacks hit you, trying to hide any signs of discomfort. When you next try to speak, you stammer a little. San surely notices, but again he doesn’t comment on it.</p><p> </p><p>“Your side? I-I, how is y-your side?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re having too much fun with this, Sannie. Too vocal. I should fix that.” Cara huffs a laugh, glancing over the knife before deciding to plunge it into San’s side. The knife buries all the way to the hilt in the patch up flesh just above his right hip. If you thought your screams of pain were bad, San’s is beyond comprehension. The sound of his screaming triggers something in you, flips a switch, and you lose the last bits of control you had over your emotions.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I’m practically good as new. Missed significant damage aside from the fact that… you know.” You press your lips together. Silence falls over you again, and Yunho’s urging words sit at the forefront of your mind.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“How do people move on from traumatic experiences? How do people recover from that kind of pain? How do you look at each other in the eye without thinking of it? That doesn’t come from avoidance. You can’t grow from that by avoiding him, so you need to confront him. Tell him your thoughts and feelings, tell him what you were afraid of then and what you’re afraid of now.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I th–”</p><p> </p><p>“I wa–”</p><p> </p><p>You and San start talking at the same time, and strangely it helps alleviate some of the tension you’re feeling. You laugh to brush off the awkwardness of the situation, and San does the same, a small smile stretching his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Go ahead, go ahead,” San says, motioning for you to continue. Part of you wishes he had gone ahead himself, but maybe it’ll be easier to just get it off your chest and out there, so you don’t have to think about it any longer. You heave a deep breath, eyes falling shut as you start speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fucking scared.”</p><p> </p><p>“…scared?” San echoes. When you open your eyes again, San has his head tilted to the side and blinks back at you with widened eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m – I’m terrified of seeing you in the position again. I’m scared of n-not being able to help you or s-save you if it comes to that again. But… I’m more terrified of the person I became when you got hurt b-because I don’t – I don’t know who that person was, and that scares more than anything else.”</p><p> </p><p>“I understand,” San whispers. “Why, uh, why are you so afraid of seeing me in that position again?”</p><p> </p><p>“I felt helpless. Like I could do nothing to help you and that I-I would have to watch you die. Part of me stills feels like I owe you something, that I have a debt to repay. But when I was tied to that chair and watched you scream and cry and beg for Cara not to hurt me, I realized that I also wanted to make sure that you didn’t get hurt. Not because I felt… like I owed it to you but because I felt the need to protect you from harm and that – that makes me afraid too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“The last person I cared about, the last person I felt that way with – he died. He was my only family, the only family I had left at the time, the only family I cared about, and because of my actions and things I had done, he paid the price. I’m afraid that t-the second I admit to caring about you, the same thing will happen again.” You can’t bear to look at San any longer and have to look away before your composure crumbles.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t care about me then.” San’s words send you reeling, and you don’t care about your composure as you whip your chin to look at him again.</p><p> </p><p>“W-What? What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not worth it anyway so… you should just save yourself the trouble and not care about me.”</p><p> </p><p>“San–”</p><p> </p><p>“You probably feel disgusted even saying my name, don’t you?” San releases a laugh, but there’s no humor in its tone. He pulls a hand away from his lap to slam a fist against the mattress. A shout leaves his lips, then his hand moves to cover his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you so upset, San?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I don’t deserve the crew’s patience or their care for me. I don’t deserve Hongjoong’s grace and mercy and kindness. I don’t deserve for you to even look at me. I sure as hell don’t deserve every ounce of worry that Hongjoong pours out for me, and I don’t deserve your worry either. You shouldn’t be the one feeling guilty or scared. I should. I should be the only one that deserves that burden because that’s the least I deserve after all the things I’ve done.”</p><p> </p><p>“Those things don’t define you as a person, San. You aren’t tha–”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you deaf or just stupid?” You snap your lips shut. “Did you not hear all the things Cara said about me? Did that not get through your skull? I’m vile a-and disgusting and a fucking monster. It’s not just a matter – a matter of being a criminal or a pirate. I’m a fucking monster for killing all those people. And for what? What did I kill them for? Why did I torture them? For a captain’s approval? A captain I looked up to and saw as a father? A captain I was so blindly devoted to that I didn’t realize how cruel and heartless his actions were? The same man who beat me down and tortured me when I didn’t do as asked?”</p><p> </p><p>San is trembling, his shoulders quake, and you can see the quick heaves of his chest. You reach out to touch his arm, offer some sort of support if possible, but he smacks your hand away before you can get close.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t touch me!”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” You ask, moving forward a bit on the bed. San refuses to respond and watches your careful movements. “Why, San?”</p><p> </p><p>“B-Because I’m disgusting.”</p><p> </p><p>You reach out again and grab hold of San’s hand. He tries to shake you off, but your touch is already lingering, and his attempts become weak and futile in less than a second.</p><p> </p><p>“You s-shouldn’t touch me… I might – I’ll taint you.”</p><p> </p><p>A dry laugh breaches your lips.</p><p> </p><p>“And? Do you know my reputation? My body count? The things I’ve done that I’m not proud of?” Again, he neglects to respond. “Do you, San?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Believe me, San. If you knew the things I’ve done, you wouldn’t want to even look at me, let alone touch me,” you whisper, a sad smile pulling at the corners of your lips. San’s gaze darts over to where your hand is closed around yours. “I know that you feel that way right now, and I understand what you’re feeling because I was there. That was me. But whoever you were in the past is not who you are now. It’s important, yes, it’s important to be able to look back on the person you were so that you know how to avoid it in the future. It’s important for you to recognize where you slipped up and messed up, but those things don’t define you. The San who found me in a dingy crate full of fabric spools was not a murderer or a monster. He was a man looking for redemption. And if that’s what that man wants, then he has it.”</p><p> </p><p>San’s chest heaves at a faster rate. His head falls forward as tears fall, and soft sobs wrack his body. You pull closer to him, continuing to speak as he cries into his free hand.</p><p> </p><p>“The San who carried me to the medbay in efforts to save me was not a monster. The San who rushed in to prove Yeosang wrong in my first mission was not a monster. The San who recovered my pardon papers and hid them from the others just so that he could give them back to me, who saved me from Cara in the alleyway, who opened his heart and cried as he recalled his past, who feared that me leaving in the night was permanent, who endured torture and begged for me not to be hurt – none were monsters. And the San who ended Cara’s life was not a monster either. He was a man who acted upon this–” You press your free hand against San’s chest “–because he has one. And he bled crimson, not black. You are not a monster, San. You are not vile, disgusting or revolting, and you will not taint me in any way. I can swear on my life that that is the truth and nothing but the truth. I’m not sure of many things in life, but I am absolutely certain about this.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I… I don’t d-deserve it,” San sobs. He holds your hand against his chest though, and you pull him against your body as he slumps further forward.</p><p> </p><p>“Your mind doesn’t think that you deserve it, but you truly do.”</p><p> </p><p>San doesn’t respond to that, but you don’t need him to. You hold him against you as he cries, wrapping an arm around his back and rubbing small circles against his shirt. The ache in your chest has returned. There’s no turning back from this. It feels as though you’ve crossed an unspoken line, one that there’s no going back from. You press your cheek to San’s hair, inhaling sharply.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m scared because I can feel myself getting attached,” you whisper. “And I’m not ready for it.”</p><p> </p><p>San is warm. His presence alone feels warm, and even more so with your arms wrapped around him. It’s a different kind of warmth than Seonghwa’s: Seonghwa reminds you of fire, scalding and consuming. San’s warmth feels more fragile and volatile, like if you take too much of it, then he’ll crumble and fall apart in your hands.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t speak again until his sobs subside some and his breathing returns to normal.</p><p> </p><p>“How… How am I supposed to change the way my brain works when this is all I’ve ever known?”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I don’t know,” you stutter, shaking your head against his. “I suppose we’ll work through it together — all of us. Hongjoong will help. Seonghwa and Yunho surely. The others as well… I just don’t know how yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Does this mean that you’ll stay then? Permanently?”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?” You inquire, pulling back to look San in the eye for clarification.</p><p> </p><p>“Before… you told me that you couldn’t leave <em>yet</em>. Has that changed now?”</p><p> </p><p>A frown covers your lips. You hadn’t thought about that, yet the answer seems so clear in your mind that you can’t even think about the other options.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I think it has.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>here we are at the end of act two!! she was truly a ride but yall are in for a Small Break in act three but i can’t say anything more than that so my lips are sealed 🤐 anyway i hope you guys like this conclusions, let me know what you think as usual, and thank you for sticking around to read my mess of a story asodifjsdofi</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Act Two - Part 7.5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>note: all interim chapters are optional to read and you do not have to read them if you don’t want to. it is advised that you read the interim chapters after completing all the chapters in the act rather than reading them based off number order. they are based around the relationships between the crew and interactions they share. They are indicated with [x.5], x being the number of the part that came before it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You left dinner rather early,” Yeosang says, tone soft as he steps over the threshold and into Wooyoung’s room. Wooyoung snaps his chin up and looks at the man with wide eyes. He relaxes when he realizes it’s Yeosang, but the tension in his shoulders remains, shoulders so high up that they nearly touch his ears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t feeling hungry,” he mutters back. He picks at the skin around one of his nails absentmindedly, too lost in thought to care about the damage he’s doing to his fingers. Yeosang releases a small sigh, one that Wooyoung barely picks up on, and he moves to join Wooyoung at the edge of the bed. The mattress dips under the added weight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know it isn’t good to do that.” Yeosang reaches a hand out and pushes Wooyoung’s fingers away from the skin around his nails. Rather than letting his hands fall back to his side though, Yeosang laces his fingers through Wooyoung’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh, yeah,” Wooyoung exhales, blinking back at the blond. He squeezes his fingers around Yeosang’s and revels in the warmth of his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s on your mind, Woo?” Yeosang’s voice remains quiet and calm, a soft lisp to his words, and Wooyoung nearly smiles as he hears it. His mind is too busy to think about how precious that little lisp is, and a frown overtakes his lips instead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know… I just — I’m shaken up, I guess. San and Y/N almost – they almost–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But they didn’t.” Yeosang doesn’t let him finish the thought. Wooyoung is almost grateful for it, but his mind has already thought through what could have happened. Imagined it, pictured it, played it out scene by scene. Wooyoung thinks about those sorts of things too much, in all honesty. “They’re both alive and well. Aren’t they?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. They are, but… it just makes me wonder.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wonder about what?” Yeosang asks, chin tilting a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What would happen if one of us dies?” Wooyoung didn’t intend to ask the question aloud; he merely thought about it and debated the issue to himself, but somehow it found the air anyway. Yeosang stutters a little, no sound coming out of his mouth as he struggles to come up with a response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang’s grip tightens a little, and Wooyoung stares down at their joined hands with too many thoughts inhabiting his mind. He lifts his free hand to his neck, toying with the metal collar around the skin. Yeosang notices the movements in an instant. His hand slips away from Wooyoung’s. Wooyoung chases after his fingers, missing the warmth immediately after losing it, and Yeosang doesn’t let him grasp his hand again. Instead, he pushes back on the bed and moves closer to the pillows. Wooyoung watches him go for a few seconds, then shifts to join Yeosang when he beckons him. Yeosang props his back against the pillows and crosses his legs, patting the inside of his thigh. Wooyoung doesn’t wait for further instruction; he drops his head onto Yeosang’s lap and looks up at the man with brows knitted together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It won’t happen. I won’t let it happen, Wooyoung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How many times has Hongjoong promised us that? San almost died, and Hongjoong wasn’t there.” Yeosang shifts his jaw.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t need to be. Y/N was there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She nearly died too. If either of them had been alone, things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re thinking too much about what could have happened, and not enough on what actually happened. The fact of the matter is that they came out of there alive. Isn’t that what’s important?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but what if one of us ends up like that? And what if we can’t get out of there alive? What then?” Wooyoung doesn’t sit up, but he looks up to peer into Yeosang’s piercing eyes with an equally intense stare. The man above him offers a faint grin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I made you a promise, Jung Wooyoung,” he whispers, fingers dancing over the long locks of hair spread across Wooyoung’s forehead. “I intend to keep it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung’s gaze falls away from the man and finds the ceiling instead. It’s a bit odd to think back so far now – Yeosang made that promise nearly eight years ago, rain pouring down on their heads in the dead of night. Tall buildings rising around them, and guardsmen rushing through the streets in search of the both of them, yet in that moment, Wooyoung remembers feeling nothing but calm. Peace of mind. Yeosang was his everything right then; he had no one else to turn to except the sharp-eyed boy of only fifteen. He relives that moment in his dreams sometimes, but it always ends differently. It ends in Yeosang being caught and sentenced to death for escaping prison. Wooyoung being captured and made a slave again. The nightmares never let the ending be a good one even though reality made it so. The collar around his neck feels heaviest after those dreams.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang’s fingers drag over his scalp, pulling him out of the reverie of thoughts and nightmares with a gentle touch. Wooyoung nearly gasps at the suddenness of the sensation. Yeosang calms him down with such ease, like he’s done it a thousand times, and if Wooyoung had to count, he probably has done it at least that many times if not more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re thinking too hard,” he murmurs. The corners of his lips tug upwards, and those sharp eyes are impossibly soft as he looks down at Wooyoung. Wooyoung is his weakness, and they both know it. Part of Wooyoung fears that one day Yeosang will decide that he doesn’t want to have such a great weakness like Wooyoung around any longer. The other part is afraid of being beat in submission and obedience again, so much so that even Yeosang’s featherlight touches are overbearing sometimes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry…” Wooyoung mutters back, eyes flitting over Yeosang’s features. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How many times do I have to tell you not to apologize?” Wooyoung opens his mouth to apologize again, but he catches himself at the last second, a small laugh leaving his lips instead, and Yeosang’s smile stretches wider. He lets it fall away a moment later, expression turning back into one of concern. “That’s not the only thing bothering you, is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung presses his lips into a thin line and refuses to look at Yeosang. The more prominent question on his mind is one that is harder to say aloud, mostly because Wooyoung thinks he knows the answer to it already. He isn’t sure he’s ready to hear it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, Mingi said hello to me the other day!” Wooyoung says in attempts to change the subject. It doesn’t work in his favor at all, and Yeosang drags his tongue over his lower lip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was there with you when that happened, Woo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah, yeah, I know that! I just – it’s exciting, that’s all. Um, progress. Good progress.” Wooyoung nods against Yeosang’s lap. The nervous smile on his lips betrays his avoidance of the topic, and it’s painfully obvious. Yeosang doesn’t push though. That almost makes Wooyoung feel worse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s true. Things with Mingi are qui–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How does this end?” Wooyoung interjects, words tumbling from his lips even though Yeosang didn’t press the subject.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When all this is said and done… when we finally rest… how does it end?” The corners of Wooyoung’s eyes burn as he asks the question. The tears come before he knows it, and Yeosang brushes the pads of his thumbs over Wooyoung’s cheeks to push the tears away. He isn’t even sure why he’s crying or what came over him, but they continue to flow down his cheeks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It ends with you safe. No matter the cost. You’ll be safe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But what about you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang hesitates just long enough for the pit in Wooyoung’s gut to grow larger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be safe, Wooyoung,” he repeats after too many seconds of silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be safe if you aren’t in the picture!” Wooyoung pulls away from Yeosang, sitting up again, and he turns to glare at the blond.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Wooyoung, okay.” Yeosang reaches out to grab hold of his arms, but Wooyoung shrugs him off before he can touch him. There is no sincerity in his tone, no truth to the words, and it’s precisely what he was afraid of hearing. Yeosang would do anything for him. Wooyoung can’t handle that fact. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared that I’m going to lose you. I don’t want your promises to keep me safe. I don’t want you to tell me that you’d make sure I’m safe no matter the costs, I don’t want that! I want you to promise me that you aren’t going anywhere. I want you to tell me that this ends with you and me together!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t… I can’t do that, Wooyoung. You are never going to be safe as long as I’m in the picture. No matter where we go, I will always be the Royal Betrayer, I will always be Kang Minhee, I will always be the traitorous prince of Aera. No matter how many times I change my name or try to run from it, I can’t. That’s who I am, and–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And if not for me, you wouldn’t even have that title! You should’ve let them kill me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang has no response. His jaw stutters, and he looks away from Wooyoung, his brows knit so tightly together that Wooyoung can barely see the skin between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I didn’t,” he counters. A hint of anger crosses his features. “Would you like me to say that I regret it? I should’ve left you there? Let the slavemasters continue what they were doing? Let the military take you and use you? That I wish you were dead? That I should’ve killed you myself? Is that what you want to hear, Wooyoung?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung drops his chin, unable to stomach looking Yeosang in the eye as he hisses each question. “N-No…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, because I won’t say it and lie to you about how I feel. I don’t regret a thing. I don’t regret saving you and stopping them from taking or killing you. I would do it time and time again. I keep my promises, Wooyoung, and if anyone tries to fucking stop me from keeping that promise, I will end them. I know – trust me, I </span>
  <em>know</em>
  <span> how you want this to end. If I were being selfish, I would want the same, but I also know the reality. And the reality is that I cannot make sure you are safe if I am in the picture. So if one day, it comes down between me and your safety, I am choosing you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A choked sob escapes Wooyoung’s lips, and all the anger in Yeosang’s expression melts away at the sound. He stretches out to Wooyoung again. This time, he lets the other man grab hold of his arms and pull him against his chest, head pressed against the crook of Yeosang’s neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t ask me to choose otherwise, Woo. You’re all I have left. Please… let me have this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I can’t. Because you’re all I have and all I’ve ever had. I can’t – I can’t lose you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one said you’re going to lose me,” Yeosang whispers against the shell of his ear. The emotion in his tone is thick, and it shocks Wooyoung to the core because he’s never seen Yeosang get emotional or cry in all the years that he’s known him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If y-you really – really cared about me, you would do what I want and stay with me no matter what.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not how it works, Woo, and you know it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t fucking care how it works!” Wooyoung hisses the words against Yeosang’s skin, and the man shivers at the contact. “I want this to end with us together or not at all. If we both have to die for that to happen, then so be it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong won’t let that happen,” Yeosang murmurs. His breath is hot against Wooyoung’s forehead, the soft touch of his lips brushing over the skin as his words do. “And neither will I.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you trust him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes… yes, I do. Even if sometimes I don’t see eye to eye with him, I trust him. He’s always kept you safe, and that’s all I can ask for. Because if–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t. Please don’t say it. I don’t wa-want to think about that.” Even though he cut Yeosang off, Wooyoung knows what he was going to say. </span>
  <em>Because if I don’t make it, I know he’ll do my job when I’m gone. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Woo. Let’s not think about it. What do you want to talk about instead?” Yeosang tightens his grip on Wooyoung’s shoulders, continuing to tug him back until they’re flat against the pillows. Wooyoung slumps on top of Yeosang with his head still buried into his neck, and Yeosang lets him stay like that. His fingers comb through Wooyoung’s dark locks, an unknown rhythm to his pace, but it calms the anxiety and worry bubbling in his gut nonetheless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What we’re gonna do when we’re done running,” Wooyoung whispers, pulling his head back a bit so he can rest it more comfortably against Yeosang’s chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It depends on what you want to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want you to pick.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, well, if I had to choose something… I want to go somewhere snowy and cold. Maybe a small village and a simple house. Nothing too fancy or overwhelming. I don’t want the metal streets or glaring technology of Aera. I just want someplace that feels safe and sound. Right now, that place is you, so I’m content.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t say stupid shit. It doesn’t suit you,” Wooyoung grumbles, pressing his face further against Yeosang. The man under him chuckles, and the sound reverberates through Wooyoung’s face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, stupid shit filter is now on. But it’s your turn now. What do you want us to do in the future?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Too busy thinking about the bad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I’m right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let it go to your head.” Wooyoung can feel the curve of Yeosang’s smile against his hairline, and the mere sensation brings a smile to his lips as well. These moments – the ones full of peace and each other – he would have them all the time if he could. Maybe that’s what he wants in the future. A chance to have peace with Yeosang. But he wants the same for the whole crew as well — every single one of them. “I’m happy here with the crew. I can’t imagine not being here anymore. I would miss the others too much, I think.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then we’ll stay for as long as you want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even if I don’t ever want to leave?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even if you don’t ever want to leave,” Yeosang confirms, nodding against Wooyoung’s head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Yeosang.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know you don’t need to thank me for anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to. I want you to know how grateful I am for you and the things you do for me. I know your life would be so much easier if I weren’t in the picture.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t want to live a life without you in the picture.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then tell me you won’t go anywhere. Even if it’s a lie… just tell me that much.” Wooyoung shifts to look at Yeosang’s face, eye to eye with the man’s sharp features. He seems so gentle and soft in the low light of the room, so much different from the facade he wears in front of other people. It feels like Wooyoung’s own secret – having Yeosang’s softer side all to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t go anywhere today, tomorrow, or any day in the future. I promise you that, Jung Wooyoung.” They exchange another smile, eyes unblinking as they look at each other, and Wooyoung huffs out a quiet laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose that’ll do then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’ll do?” Yeosang scoffs, tone a bit incredulous as Wooyoung teases him. “</span>
  <em>That’ll do?</em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’ll do, Kang Yeosang!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re insufferable.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You love me regardless.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The confirmation catches Wooyoung off-guard. He wasn’t expecting such a hasty response from Yeosang, or for him to say what he did, but when he looks down at Yeosang’s features again, the man has his eyes shut tight and a small smile covering his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I love you too,” Wooyoung mumbles the words under his breath in the hopes that Yeosang won’t hear them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What was that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said I would love me too! If I were you, I would love me. Too. Because I’m so great! I would, yeah. I would love me. As well. If I were you. Not that I want to be you! Just – overall. You know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I see. Good to hear, Woo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He most definitely heard Wooyoung loud and clear the first time.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello 👁👄👁 it's time for another interim chapter aslkjdfklsdjf this idea popped into my mind and wouldn't leave me alone so here we are. suffering. but woosang! finally! i heard you all on the survey and woosang's relationship was the Dominating answer over anything else and i am happy to provide some woosang content for you guys 🤧 i hope you all enjoy uwu i enjoyed writing this interim so much :3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Act Two - Part 8.5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>note: all interim chapters are optional to read and you do not have to read them if you don’t want to. it is advised that you read the interim chapters after completing all the chapters in the act rather than reading them based off number order. they are based around the relationships between the crew and interactions they share. They are indicated with [x.5], x being the number of the part that came before it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jongho doesn’t need to be told what’s going on. He senses it before Yeosang even comes to the door, feels Yeosang’s presence outside the door, the heat of his emotions, and the slight panic that courses through his veins. He doesn’t need to be told that Mingi is having an episode because he can feel it. Which is why when Yeosang goes to knock on the door, Jongho opens it a breath too soon, and Yeosang nearly topples forward and trips over the air. Jongho doesn’t need to reach out and catch him – Yeosang stays on his two feet just fine – but he does regardless, rough hands hitting the much smaller man square in the chest to keep him from falling forward. He doesn’t need to ask, yet he does.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mingi?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mess hall.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Did he hurt anyone?” Jongho has the questions memorized. No matter how many times he says them, the answers rarely change, and he knows Yeosang well enough to pick up on the emotional cues. That’s how he knows Wooyoung is fine before Yeosang even opens his mouth to tell him so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I got Wooyoung out of there before he could.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tried already.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yunho?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Couldn’t help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” Jongho exhales, even though he already knew the answers to those questions before asking them. He’s the last resort. He always is. Hongjoong demands priority – he needs to feel useful somehow, but it always backfires and hurts him in the end. Then comes Yunho, the ever desperate healer, the arrogance that drives him to believe that he can fix everything and everyone – including Mingi. The reality, however harsh and cruel it may be, is that none of them are Jongho. None of them understand Mingi the way he does. None of them are Berserkers. It’s just a simple fact, but one that they can’t seem to wrap their minds around, which is why Jongho is always the last resort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pushes past Yeosang to step into the corridor. His steps are hurried but not frantic; there is no panic or worry in his bones as he walks towards the mess hall. It’s routine almost. Perhaps someone else might feel bitterness or some sort of resentment towards this system they have. Not Jongho though. He bears no hatred or thinly veiled anger about the arrangement they carry out. Part of him feels the tuggings of responsibility when he looks at Mingi. When he looks at Mingi and sees… something. Something different, something painful, something raw and broken. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Mingi first joined the crew, the others all expected Jongho to understand him. To read him like a book and take him apart with ease. He hadn’t been able to do that at any point in time. Because he and Mingi are not the same, never have been and never will be. Jongho was raised by a loving mother and father. A mother who was a Berserker just like him, who took care of him and looked after him without any hesitation. Taught him everything there was to know about what it meant to be a Berserker. Mingi, on the other hand, was not given that luxury. His father never loved him; he loved money. Power. Blood. And that’s what Mingi gave him, because it was the only thing he knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The mess hall is quiet when he steps inside. Not empty, but quiet. Hongjoong stands at the edge of the room, leaning up against the frame of the entrance with arms crossed over his chest. Disappointment radiates off him in waves, but not directed at anyone except himself. Yunho stands beside him with a similar stance, although he can’t look at Mingi’s curled form. The room is otherwise empty, and that’s probably for the best. And Mingi. Mingi lies on the floor, not near the center but somewhere off to the side between a few tables. He’s on his hands and knees, back curved in a way that is painful to look at, and as Jongho draws nearer, he can see the tremble in his shoulders. He doesn’t think to ask what happened. It wouldn’t be necessary anyway. He barely notices that Yeosang is no longer hot on his heels and following his steps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s too much of a burden to put on his shoulders.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong doesn’t verbalize the words, but he can feel them regardless. Words that have been muttered and whispered against hot ears when they think Jongho can’t hear them. None spoken with malice or hatred. Just… concern. Worry. Fear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“He’s so young. Why do we push this onto him?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because Jongho understands him. Knows Mingi better than Mingi knows himself. Feels the things he feels, even if they were raised differently and experience it differently. He understands the control, the taut thread keeping Mingi tied to sanity, and how it threatens to snap. And when it wavers and trembles — that is where these episodes find him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m the captain. I should handle this myself.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong doesn’t understand it. The things that he wishes to understand are things that he can never hope to grasp.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m a healer. A medic. This is my job.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho fails to realize that it isn’t his responsibility. It is his job, but not his burden to bear. He sees Mingi as something broken, when Mingi isn’t broken at all. Mingi is a bird that never learned to fly, a slave without a master, a boy robbed of his innocence too young. Not broken.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho hesitates near Mingi. The older man doesn’t shift or make any indication of acknowledging him. The emotions are there though, and that’s how Jongho knows that Mingi is fully aware of his lingering presence behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mingi,” he starts, tone so soft and quiet that he can barely hear it himself. Ever so slowly, he lets himself squat down beside Mingi’s body. Heat. It radiates off him in waves. Then in the corner, concern from Yunho, the lingering taste of disappointment from Hongjoong, and nothing else. Patience is a challenging game to play, even harder when it comes to Mingi, but necessary. Thus, Jongho waits. Watches the way Mingi’s shoulders tremble from effort, the tethered thread in his mind wavering but never breaking. He’s fighting it so hard. “Mingi, can you hear me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I… can’t. Can’t. Need. N-Need it.” His tone is desperate and fragile. Nothing like the cruel and heartless killing monster he seems to be. Mingi brings a hand up to clasp the back of his neck. His nails tear at the skin in attempts to break it and draw blood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you don’t.” Mingi’s fingers falter. He hesitates. For a moment, his nails cease their warpath on his skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to – want to k-kill.” Mingi lifts his chin a little. He doesn’t look up quite yet, and Jongho knows it’s because he can feel the lingering emotions at the other side of the room. He is more afraid of losing control than he should be. The danger is minimal. Mingi won’t kill either of them. Hongjoong knows it, as does Yunho, and Jongho as well. Mingi is the only one who doesn’t trust it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t want to, Mingi,” Jongho insists, letting his elbows find purchase on his knees. Jongho gets it on occasion. The sudden urgings that Mingi suffers from – the need to take control over all the emotions hitting him from all sides. It manifests itself differently for every Berserker. For Jongho, it takes the form of guilt. Brings all his wrongdoings to life and places them before his eyes in a way that’s almost tangible. He can never overcome it alone, and that fact almost makes him feel weak. Yunho’s soft hands in his hair, San’s mellifluous voice in his ears, Seonghwa’s mint-like scent that permeates his senses until the hallucinations pass, Hongjoong’s </span>
  <em>emotions</em>
  <span> hitting him square in the chest and reminding him that this is real. It isn’t violent. Emotional, yes. Painful for himself and only himself. But for Mingi, it manifests in violence. Anger and every emotion on the spectrum of rage.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingi’s fingers draw away from his neck, but he brings the hand down to his other arm a second later. His nails dig deep, he’s desperate to break skin, he’s burning for the red that will flow from his flesh. Jongho can’t let him have it. If he does, then that thin thread of sanity will snap. Years of progress down the drain. A hard reset. He reaches out, hand brushing against Mingi’s shoulder blades. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingi jerks at the touch, almost as though he’s been burned. He doesn’t verbally cry out, but Jongho hears the pained cry in his movements and emotions. It hurts every time. A small and nagging sensation that never leaves Jongho alone, one he will think about for hours if not days after this. Mingi cries out for help and support but pushes it away at the same time. Desires help but doesn’t know how to ask for it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mingi,” Jongho exhales as he brings his hand down on the man’s shoulder blades again. Mingi jolts at the touch, hand drawing up but not coming down on Jongho. He prepares himself for a hit and everything, but it never comes. Instead, Mingi brings his closed fist down on his own head, smacks his skull with too much force, an expression of pure anguish on his features. He’s fighting it. Jongho knows that Mingi’s mind is screaming for blood. To close his hands around Jongho’s throat and try to end it. The desire to kill… it’s not Mingi, but rather the Brute of Kebos. The monster his father created. It’s not Mingi. Jongho has to remind himself of that over and over again. It’s the only way he can look Mingi in the eye every day. His tone softens as he speaks. “They’re loud, aren’t they?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So loud. S-So </span>
  <em>loud</em>
  <span>. Can’t think. C-Cant–” Mingi cuts himself off, unable to finish the thought. Yunho once told Jongho that Mingi didn’t feel emotions. Just didn’t have the proper mind for it, and that he would have to be taught how to handle things. Jongho dared to tell Yunho to his face that he was wrong. Mingi feels emotions. He has them. It isn’t that his brain is wired the wrong way. It’s that he was never taught how to understand them. Mingi doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings because of that. Jongho can read him like a book, feel the heat radiating off him in waves and know what’s going through his head even if he blocks it out. Mingi’s emotions are overwhelming, even with Jongho’s resilience and restraint. All that to say – the pain Mingi is in now is enough to cripple Jongho and bring him fully to the ground. The aura is overwhelming, and for a breath of a moment, Jongho isn’t sure he can do what he’s supposed to do. The face of his mother taunts him at the edge of the room. He responds by closing his fingers around Mingi’s wrist, stopping the hallucination from blossoming as well as stopping Mingi from hitting himself any more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Mingi. They can’t hurt you here,” Jongho murmurs even though he knows that isn’t the brunt of the issue. Mingi’s wrist goes slack in his grip. For a second, Jongho thinks that the episode has passed, but then weight slams against him, and pain blooms in his chest. He falls back against one of the metal tables. Metal scrapes against metal, creating a loud and abrasive screech, then the floor disappears out from under Jongho. He doesn’t have time to defend himself. Mingi’s fingers close around his ankle, yanking back harshly until Jongho hits the floor. Pressure hits his chest. Jongho doesn’t even process it at first. Mingi’s knee stabs into his chest and pins him to the floor with little effort. However, Jongho is stronger than Mingi. They both know it. Jongho could flip their positions and have Mingi facedown on the floor in seconds. That isn’t what this is about though. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Progress.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mingi!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steps forward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steps backward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho and Hongjoong are shouting, voices getting louder as they move closer, but Jongho manages to bring a hand up to stop them. They have zero reason to listen to him and no incentive either, especially because Mingi has one knee square in the middle of Jongho’s chest, the other pinning his right arm down, and both hands wrapped tight around Jongho’s throat. Perhaps he should be scared of what might happen next. Afraid that Mingi tightens his grip and chokes him to death. Both Yunho and Hongjoong are exuding so much fear and panic that it clogs Jongho’s senses, and if it’s affecting him that badly, then that means that Mingi is having a much worse time with it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yet despite having his life dangled before his eyes like this, Jongho isn’t afraid that Mingi might kill him. Maybe he’s psychotic for that, or perhaps he just trusts the fact that Mingi doesn’t </span>
  <em>want</em>
  <span> to do this that much. Yes, it has to be the latter. He lets Mingi keep him pinned to the floor, hand still raised in Hongjoong and Yunho’s direction and keeping them warded off for the time being. Mingi’s nails dig into the flesh of his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pain, but not from the small crescents Mingi leaves in his neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pain radiates off Mingi’s shoulders. He’s fighting himself so hard, fighting the instinct to kill, the urge to kill, the need to kill. He’s fighting the other part of himself, the one his father forged in blood and dark arenas. Mingi doesn’t know that he’s feeling pain necessarily; he merely knows that he’s hurting. He knows the strain hurts and burns, makes his skin crawl and itch, makes even breathing become a laborious task. Jongho lets his free hand move towards Mingi – each inch breached is slow and calculated as not to scare the man – and lays it atop the ones clasped over his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t hurt me, Mingi,” he whispers. Mingi’s resolve flickers. For the briefest moment, he believes Jongho, eyes trailing over his own hands like they don’t belong to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It… it hurts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know it does. Everything hurts, right? They’re loud in your head, telling you to kill.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Blood. They w-want blood.” Mingi’s fingers twitch around his neck. His nails dig a bit deeper, and Jongho feels them breach skin. It isn’t deep enough to draw blood, which is for the best because the second the first drop falls, Mingi will fly into a rampage. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to give it to them, Mingi.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’ll hurt me if I don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll hurt me if you do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingi freezes at his words. His hands loosen a bit but don’t move away from Jongho’s body. It’s the last thing he wants, because as cruel and heartless and merciless as Mingi is, he doesn’t want to hurt Jongho. Doesn’t want to hurt Hongjoong or Yunho. Any of the crew. He wants to protect them; he just doesn’t understand how to do that because of the war that goes on in his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… did I not already hurt you?” Mingi inquires, gaze curious as he tilts his head to the side. “Your emotions… they – they feel – I hurt you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t. Tell me what you feel.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what I feel!” Mingi argues, a spike of anger shooting out towards Jongho. He can barely choke out his next words thanks to the sudden clench of Mingi’s fingers around his throat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What I feel. M-Mingi, tell me – tell me what you feel from </span>
  <em>me</em>
  <span>.” He’s pushing hard, and perhaps it’s too much of a burden to put on Mingi’s shoulders like this, but at the same time, it’s not enough. Mingi is caught off-guard long enough for Jongho to gasp several deep breaths of air.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re… warm.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does it hurt?” This is the only way Jongho knows how to communicate with Mingi. He can’t name the emotions off one by one because Mingi wouldn’t understand what any of it means, but he does know how to talk about how he’s feeling without naming anything directly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N-No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, are you hurting me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingi shakes his head ever so slightly. Denial. This time, he believes it for more than a second. Mingi withdraws his hands from Jongho’s neck, letting him fully breathe again, and Jongho rolls out from under the taller Berserker before he can be pinned once more. He doesn’t move because he fears having his life in Mingi’s hands. He would gladly give his life over to the man time and time again if it meant protecting the others from harm. The storm that swirls in Mingi’s dark red eyes calms for the time being. The waters are peaceful. The voices are quiet. And Mingi… Mingi cries. Not for the first time, and not for the last, but he cries nonetheless, hands trembling as he holds them close to his chest. Behind them, the panic and fear radiating off Hongjoong and Yunho slowly dissipates. It grows calm again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho draws closer to Mingi, kneeling beside him and pressing a hand again Mingi’s shaking ones. It doesn’t stop the trembling or offer any comfort in the slightest. Jongho doesn’t expect it to. Mingi doesn’t understand comfort, only the need for it. But they’ll just keep trying until they find something that works. Like what Hongjoong does next. The short captain walks towards where Jongho and Mingi are and squats down in front of ashy-haired Berserker. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You pulled yourself out of it, Mingi,” he says, tone quiet but clear. It carries weight with it, one that Mingi picks up on within an instant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I al-almost–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you didn’t. You didn’t kill anyone. Didn’t hurt anyone.” A smile twitches across Hongjoong’s lips, soft and gentle as he gazes down at Mingi’s slumped form. “I’m proud of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The simple four words hold more than should be humanly possible, but Jongho supposes that it makes sense since he and Mingi aren’t wholly human. Mingi’s tears halt only long enough for him to offer an awkward yet grateful smile. Hongjoong eats it right up. He reaches across the gap between him and Mingi, not concerned for a second that Mingi could snap his arm in half at the slightest trigger, and drops his hand to the mop of hair atop his head. A small ruffle of the locks, fingers gently combing over Mingi’s scalp, then pulling away. Jongho wants to imagine that Mingi leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering shut as an overwhelming sense of peace washed over his body.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: surprise?? this is definitely one that was unexpected for me but i was struck with a sudden realization and plan for mingi’s character progression and how he functions as a character, and this idea wouldn’t leave me alone so i just had to write it and post it today because we’ve got regular chapter tomorrow osidjafoidj but i hope you guys like it!! i think this is the most important interim chapter and has a lot of impact on mingi’s character in the main plot sooo yee lemme know what you think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Act Three - Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>! this chapter contains a graphic depiction of a panic attack - please read with caution !</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Have you been sleeping alright over the past few days?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You glance over at San out the corner of your eye, catching his stare on you as the two of you walk through the corridor. Your gaze flits away from his in less than a second, and you redirect your focus to the floor under your feet rather than on his concerned expression. Despite heading to two separate places, the two of you walk side by side as you approach the training room. Seonghwa is waiting for you there – another sparring session meant to be rehabilitation for your thigh – whereas San is going to eat in the mess hall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It could be better…” You admit, letting a small sigh slip through your lips, and you bring a hand up to your hair. “Yunho gave me some medicine to help me fall asleep and stay that way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I got the same thing,” San laughs, but the sound is dry, and there is no humor in it. The implication behind his words hurts a bit – the idea of him suffering and struggling with nightmares the same way you are – but you aren’t one to chastise him. “I’m glad to hear that though. You deserve some good rest. Truly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The softness and gentleness in his tone causes your stomach to turn in all sorts of ways. You press your elbow into his side, trying to brush off the sudden wave of embarrassment with nonchalant words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get all soft on me now, San.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” San pushes a bit more mirth into his tone. When you glance at his face, you can see that he’s being serious, and again your gut can’t quite handle that. Luckily San decides to speak once more and save you the trouble of getting flustered. “But I won’t get </span>
  <em>all </em>
  <span>soft on you, if you catch my drift.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ew,” you scoff, rolling your eyes back when San cackles at his own jokes. The levity between the two of you is welcome though, even if you have to suffer his awful jokes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” San exhales and lifts his hands as though to defend himself from another attack.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re lucky we’re parting ways here. Otherwise, I would smack you upside the head.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on now, there’s always time for more,” San chuckles, bringing a hand up to rub at his neck. You press your lips into a thin line and shake your head rather than responding. “Alright, I’ll leave you alone for now then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you later,” you say as you bring a hand up to wave at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have fun with Seonghwa. Not too much fun though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’ll try my best. Don’t worry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>San passes another smile in your direction, and you return the gesture before dipping into the training room. As soon as you step through the doors, you are greeted by Seonghwa and Jongho. The shorter dark-haired Berserker welcomes you first, lifting a hand to wave at you when you step through the doors. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, are you sparring today too?” You ask. Jongho laughs a little and tosses something your way all of a sudden. You barely have time to register what it is before you catch it, swinging a hand up to snatch it out of the air before it hits you in the face. You blink down at the roll of tape he threw your way with a questioning gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa is feeling a bit moody today, so I’m gonna be sparring with you instead,” Jongho explains, a coy smile playing at his lips. You glance past his shoulder to look at the raven-haired man in question. He stands off to the side a bit and wraps tape around his own wrists as well, sleeves pulled up over his biceps. He glances at the back of Jongho’s head when the man mentions him, eyes rolling ever so slightly before moving to settle on you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can go ahead and get warmed up, Y/N. Jongho already got warmed up earlier, so he’s ready to go whenever you are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You nod in response, tugging the tape Jongho passed your way around your palms and wrists with haste. As you move, Jongho trails after you. He catches the tape when you toss it back to him and square up with one of the punching bags.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look like shit, by the way,” he says when you start punching at the material.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow, how kind. I’m truly flattered. I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Jongho releases a loud laugh upon hearing your snarky response. You huff out a sigh before continuing your train of thought. “I didn’t sleep well last night. A few nightmares here and there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought Yunho gave you some medicine to help with that though?” Jongho asks, tilting his head to the side as he watches you punch the bag. You gnaw on your lower lip and mull over the question for a few seconds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He did,” you say after some silence. “It isn’t helping all too much though.” Jongho’s lips draw together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Part of you feels bad for withholding the truth from San. While you didn’t completely lie about how you were sleeping, you didn’t tell him that the medication wasn’t helping much. You just didn’t want him to worry about you more than he already does. Even though you have breached the hurdle that is your fears, you can’t stand the thought of him worrying over you in any way. It’s easier to admit that things aren’t working to people like Jongho because you don’t feel that same level of attachment like you do with San. Yunho as well, but mostly because he is the one providing the medication that is supposed to be helping you. You make a small mental note to talk to Yunho about your medications again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to get started?” You ask, shifting the subject so that you don’t have to talk or think about your own issues any longer. Jongho nods and moves for the sparring ring. You follow him to the ring, and Seonghwa moves with the two of you as you step into it; however, he stays outside the ring, folding his arms over his chest as he watches the two of you fall into your respective stances. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You settle into a more defensive stance at first. This isn’t the first time you’ve sparred with Jongho; Seonghwa has had the two of you fight on more than one occasion so that he can focus on making sure you’re doing things the right way for your therapy. You’ve noticed that Jongho tends to be on the more aggressive side of things even when he’s in a defensive stance, probably due to the fact that he is aggressive by nature as a Berserker. His fighting style is vastly different than Seonghwa’s, and it caught you off-guard the first time you sparred with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, you’re more ready for his quick attacks. They come in rapid bursts one after the other. Each swing he makes is returned with one of your own, and you try to match his tempo. You barely register how your body is moving and what you’re doing as you settle into instinct. Apparently, Seonghwa isn’t all too happy with whatever he sees.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re leaning too much on your right leg,” he calls out after a less than a minute. You huff in response and continue to focus on Jongho’s rapid attacks, but Seonghwa speaks again and breaks your attention. “Use your left leg some more. You need to be putting pressure on it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You listen to his words regardless and lean your weight to your left leg. As soon as you put pressure on that side though, Jongho hooks his ankle around your right calf. Your balance falters, and he knocks you to the ground in less than a second. The air leaves your lungs with a grunt, but the impact doesn’t hurt too badly. Jongho squats down next to your fallen body, a proud smile stretching his lips, and you return the stare with a roll of your eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Again,” Seonghwa commands. You glance up at him from your spot on the ground, a bit shocked at the haste in his command. Nonetheless, you push yourself up onto your elbows. Jongho mimics your motions and looks up at the lieutenant as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you give her a minute to breathe at least? I just knocked her down.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa arches a brow, eyes dragging from Jongho’s face over to yours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She seems fine to me. Now again. Unless you’re tired, Jongho?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, sir,” Jongho says through gritted teeth. He shakes his head when Seonghwa’s gaze travels back to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, then go again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho was right about Seonghwa being in a bit of a mood. You can see it clearly on his features, and in the way he stands outside the ring with his arms crossed over his chest. His whole body is rigid and stiff; your back almost hurts just from watching him. Jongho pulls you back to your feet with little effort, and as soon as you’re up, Seonghwa turns away from the ring and heads off to the cabinets near the furthest wall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s in a hella pissy mood,” Jongho mutters as you fall back into position across from him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? I couldn’t tell. He seems so cheery today,” you scoff.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s because Captain won’t tell him what’s going on. We haven’t made any progress in over a week. That’s </span>
  <em>slow</em>
  <span>. Even for Hongjoong.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think Seonghwa knows and just doesn’t like it?” Jongho draws his lips together upon hearing them, and a small sigh escapes after a brief moment of thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe Hongjoong found a lead on Dorado, and that’s where we’re heading next. Seonghwa might be tense because of that.” You narrow your eyes at Jongho.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s so important about Dorado?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho’s eyes find yours and suddenly grow wide. He shakes his head a few times, but the nervous gleam that dances across his eyes doesn’t escape your notice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a shitty place.” Seonghwa cuts in and saves Jongho’s ass from getting more questioning, and you purse your lips. Jongho releases a small exhale of relief, but his relief doesn’t last long because of Seonghwa’s words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why aren’t the two of you sparring like I asked you to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You settle back into a defensive stance, determined to get things right this time. Jongho falls into his typical aggressive one. As he starts moving towards you with quick attacks, you pick the conversation back up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t even seen Hongjoong recently.” Jongho swings for your right ankle again. This time, you’re ready for it and maintain your balance better, pressing your foot against the inside of his knee. Jongho swings a jab at your shoulder, which you deflect with it, but it’s only a set up for his next attack that aims to twist your arm behind your back. You slip out of his grasp and slide behind his form.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t seen him either,” Jongho grunts as you push him forward. “He’s been locked up in his office for almost a week. Maybe longer, I’m not sure. Once San was cleared by Yunho, Hongjoong stopped coming out. Something happened… I’m not quite sure what it was, but – I don’t know. Something just doesn’t feel right whenever I’m on the bridge.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You hum to yourself, ducking out of Jongho’s swinging right arm, and you throw a fist of your own in his direction a second later. He catches it head-on, absorbing the force with ease and pushing back against you. You stumble backward across the mat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know where the ship is heading?” You ask through several huffs of air. “I’m never on the bridge, so I have no clue what’s going on.” Jongho shrugs a bit before moving to close the distance between you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Last I heard–” he scrapes your elbow with a fist, and you twist out of the impact to slam the flat of your hand between his shoulder blades “–oof! Damn, you nearly got me. But yeah, the last thing I heard was that we’re heading to Aurum.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a split second, your body seizes up. When Jongho moves to attack you, you can do nothing to defend yourself, and he slams into you with an overwhelming amount of force. You barely feel it as you fall back on your ass, hitting the ground with so much power that your teeth chatter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit, are you okay?” Jongho inquires. Your expression must be one of distress because he bends down and tries to look you in the eye. You ignore his question and concern, too focused on the other bit of information he shared.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why Aurum?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I-I – we-well, I don’t know?” Jongho stammers, pulling back from your form a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why Aurum?” You repeat, and your tone climbs a bit in volume. Panic is starting to settle in just from the thought of heading back to the solar system. The sudden tightness in your chest is not from the sparring, nor are your heart’s rapid beats that ring in your eardrums. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t know anything about it, Y/N. I promise. I just – just heard it in passing. No one elaborated or anything like that.” Jongho lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck, and he glances away from you to look over to where Seonghwa is still standing near the cabinets. “Seonghwa probably knows what’s going on better than anyone else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You reel and follow his line of sight to look at the lieutenant. Seonghwa must either sense the eyes on his or hear his name through Jongho because he shifts to look back at the two of you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell are we heading to Aurum?” You ask, tone shaky as you shout the words. “I can’t go back there. I can’t be there. Why the fuck are we going there? We c-can’t go there!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho’s lips part a bit as he realizes what the issue is, and a small sigh slips through. He sits back on his heels. When he fails to say anything else, the panic in your gut becomes more prevalent. You clench your fists around nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are we really heading to Aurum? Is it fucking true or not?” You demand through gritted teeth, looking past Jongho to stare Seonghwa down instead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jongho, you’re dismissed for the time being,” Seonghwa says, his tone cool and calm as he looks back at you. Jongho glances between you and the lieutenant. His gaze lingers a little while longer on you, and he doesn’t move right away. You can’t even bring yourself to look back at him, however, because your panic is making your vision go spotty, and you feel lightheaded all of a sudden. “Jongho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulls himself together and extends his hand to get you up again. He mutters a string of apologies as he helps you to your feet, but you don’t hear a word he’s saying. The only thing you catch is him saying that he’ll see you later in the mess hall. He steps away from you, not bothering to look back at you on his way out of the training room, and Seonghwa comes closer to the sparring ring. He slips his shoes off and resituates his sleeves higher on his arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to fucking spar with you until you tell me what the hell is going on,” you spit out when he steps into the ring with you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll explain if you spar with me. Your choice.” You huff at the nonchalant shrug of his shoulders but fall into an offensive position. Seonghwa mimics your movements then begins speaking again as you start attacking. “We are heading to Aurum.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You falter at the confirmation. Seonghwa’s elbow slams into your shoulder, and you stumble back but stay on your feet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I warned Hongjoong that it might be a bad idea with you onboard, but there is a far more promising lead than the last one in Echidna. It’s on Kebos.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kebos…” you repeat to yourself, sidestepping as Seonghwa takes the offensive and swings for your ankles. “I can’t go there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to.” A jab then a swift kick to the ribs. Seonghwa catches your foot and traps it against his side. “Hongjoong isn’t intending to bring anyone with him except for myself and San. He doesn’t need anyone else to come along. You’ll be safe on the ship.” You jerk your leg down and free yourself from his grasp.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know that.” You twist, swinging your left leg up to clip his chin. Seonghwa ducks out of the way before you can make contact with him. “Anything could happen. Especially in Aurum.” Seonghwa catches your wrist when you go to swing at him again, and he yanks you forward. With a quick twist, he pulls you flush against his chest and pins your arm behind your back. His breath is hot on your ear when he speaks next.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s going to be okay, Y/N,” he whispers. “We won’t let anything happen to you.” Before you know it, you are trembling under his touch. The reassurances do nothing for you, and the pit of anxiety in your gut only grows larger. “We have to go to Aurum. There aren’t any other options.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Drop me off at the nearest planet then. I can’t fucking go back there, Seonghwa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Recruit number seventeen. Name and age?” A cold tone that tears through your skin and confidence with its iciness, and yet you pull your shoulders back and stand up a little straighter. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“L/N Y/N, age 14.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t go back there,” you repeat in a weaker voice. You should be used to the flashbacks, but you should also be able to handle the thought of Aurum without them being triggered in such a dramatic way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Purpose here?” The flat voice continues, and the man before you doesn’t even look up to spare you a glance as he stamps paper after paper.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“To join the military, sir.” Finally, the man blinks up at you. His gaze rakes over your body in a way that has your skin crawling, and you pull your arms closer to your chest in attempts to hide yourself.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You want to join the military? Ha! Does this look like a charity to you?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa drops your arm and pushes you forward. You spin and start fighting back with more intensity and aggression. Seonghwa falters a bit at your haste but settles into the new speed as best he can with such short notice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We – we won’t leave you behind,” he grunts. “And we certainly won’t let anything happen to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Welcome to the team, little lady. You’re the youngest in our little bunch of recruits, but try to see it like we’re your older brothers, yeah?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You fidget as several sets of eyes glance over your body, some kind and others not too kind. The one in the middle catches the majority of your attention though with his rounded smile and bright eyes. He can’t be much older than you are, and the mop of hair on his head is a mess of pale brown hair. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Alright, we’re the mess of recruits, okay? They lumped us together because they think we’ll fail, but we won’t! So we gotta prove them wrong, little lady. Understood?” The boy jabs his thumb at his chest as he says the words, smile falling to emphasize his serious tone. You nod several times in response.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mingi and Jongho will both be staying on the ship. So will Yeosang.” Seonghwa’s words grate against your ears, pulling you in and out of the flashback that plagues you with such intensity. “Those three alone are more than enough to keep anyone off the ship.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hey, little lady. Were you picked for this mission too?” You twist at the waist to look at the person talking to you, finding that boy with the rounded smile and bright eyes staring back at you with his head tilted to the side. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Y-Yeah, I was.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Good, good. We’re the only two runts on this mission. You know what that means.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“We gotta prove them wrong?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The boy smiles and releases a small laugh. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Exactly. It may be a small mission, but we gotta show them that we aren’t the fucking runts they think we are, yeah?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Y-Yeah, I agree.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m glad to hear it. I’m counting on you, little lady. By the way, my name is Jisung. Han Jisung. I hope you’ll remember it.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Of – uh, of course. Yeah, I’ll do my best.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know you will.” He cracks a smile, bright eyes disappearing behind his eyelids. “I just have a feeling.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The palm of your hand smacks Seonghwa in the middle of his chest. He swings back, foot connecting with the outside of your left knee, and you nearly crumble to the ground.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop relying on your right leg so much,” he mutters as you recover. “Put more weight on your left one, or you’ll open yourself too much to attacks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You try your best to process the words and focus on the sparring, but the incessant flashbacks are getting to be too much. Everything is starting to blur together with each passing second. You can’t tell whether your heart is racing from the sparring or from the panic that courses through your veins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Little lady.” Two days ago, you would have met in different circumstances. Eighteen and twenty. That’s how old the two of you are now. Strange how time seems to have passed by with such haste. Yet now it feels like you’re in a standstill.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Jisung.” You glance at the man, his face slightly shrouded by the steel bars between you. “Jisung, I–”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I thought we were gonna work through this together, Y/N.” The stinging of his disappointment almost hurts worse than the brand on the inside of your wrist. If you could twist them, you would, but the cuffs around your wrists prevent you from doing so.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know…” You can’t finish your train of thought. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I, uh, I don’t know what I was going to say. I don’t know what to say.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, Jisung.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Four years. I don’t want it to end like this.” Jisung shakes his head a little bit.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“They aren’t going to kill me. Just – just the brand a-and being kicked out of the military.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m going to fix this, Y/N. They can’t – this isn’t right. I won’t let them do this.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Jisung, you can’t – they – the damage is already done.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then they’ll have to kill me. I won’t let them do this. Not to you, Y/N. You can’t ask me to sit on the sidelines this time.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa is talking more. He won’t stop speaking, but you can’t process any of his words. Your body is working with a mind of its own because your real mind is too far gone in the haze of flashback after flashback.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I want to move back to Kebos once I retire from the military.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Come on, Sungie. You’re only nineteen. Why are you talking about retirement already?” Only a handful of months before you ruined everything. Strange how you talked about the future then but never realized how shitty it would turn out to be.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And? We could retire tomorrow for all you know.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Are you trying to tell me something?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No, no.” Jisung laughs through his nose. “Let’s wait until I’m twenty, at least. When I go back to Kebos, though, I want to take you with me. Okay?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay, Sungie. Anything for you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa slams into your chest. You’re too lost in your memories to stop the impact, and you barrel backward. Seonghwa falls with you, maintaining quite a bit more control of his movements, unlike you. A second later, you are flat against the mat with arms pinned on either side of your head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t focusing on anything I’ve said,” he says through a sigh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The impact is enough to ground you though, and you slip out of the flashbacks with a gasp. Seonghwa’s presence feels like fire against you, however, and you scramble to shove him off you. Seonghwa lets you roll away from him, eyes watching each of your movements with narrow eyes. You bring a closed fist down against the mat. A shout tears through your chest without warning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright, Y/N?” Seonghwa asks. He stretches an arm out to grab yours, but you’re too quick and shrug him off before he can touch you again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“D-Don’t. Don’t even – don’t touch me.” Your hands tremble at your sides, and sweat pours from your brow. You know that it’s not because of the sparring; the neverending anxiety that twists your gut in knots tells you that it has nothing to do with the sparring. The constriction in your chest is painful beyond belief. “I c-can’t – can’t breathe. I need out. Seonghwa, I-I ne-need out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa reaches out to retake hold of your arm, and you swing a fist at him this time. He catches you by the wrist before you make contact. The sudden touch nearly makes you spiral. You twist and writhe, trying to yank your arm free, and Seonghwa releases your arm when you start panicking a bit more. He puts his hands up to show that he isn’t going to hurt you, and when he starts speaking once more, his voice is much quieter and slower in pace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Concentrate on breathing, Y/N. Breathe in for me, deep and slow breaths.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to get out of here. P-Please, I need out.” You try to push yourself back to your feet, but your muscles refuse to function properly, and you slump back to the ground.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay, Y/N. We can go outside, okay?” Seonghwa slowly gets to his feet. “Do you need Yunho? San?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N-No, I don’t. I just need out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, we’ll go, Y/N. Can you get up on your own, or do you need help?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t respond, and instead push yourself up as best you can. Thank goodness, your muscles decide to work this time. Seonghwa watches you with careful eyes, his gaze never slipping from your form. Once you’re back on your feet, he extends his hand in your direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you hold my hand?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t… don’t t-touch me.” You can barely stomach the thought of looking at another person right now. The image of Jisung is fresh in your mind, intruding every thought with his rounded smile and sparkling eyes. The pain in your chest constricts more with each breath you take. “It’s too much. I – I c-can’t do it. It’s too much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay, Y/N.” Seonghwa’s voice remains soft and calm as he speaks to you. “Where do you want to go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Out. O-Outside. I just–” You cut yourself off. Seonghwa just nods a few times and motions towards the doors.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can go outside, okay?” He leads the way to the doors, but it feels like you’re walking to your door as you follow him. Every sound is like thunder to your ears, including the rattling of your rapid heart rate against your chest, but once you finally step out of the training room, cool air rushes back into your lungs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You grip the wall with a sweaty palm and shaky fingers. Seonghwa doesn’t stop walking; he continues forward without looking back at you until you slide against the metal and sit on the floor. He twists upon hearing the sound only to find you with your back to the wall and your knees tucked close to your chest. He mimics your movements but maintains the same distance as he slides down the wall as well. Dropping your head between your knees, you let your arms fall to your sides uselessly. All you can do is focus on breathing correctly, trying to force the unwanted memories and flashbacks out of the way before they can get worse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t know how long you remain there, but the panic attack subsides bit by bit, and your breathing finds a steady rhythm that relieves the tension in your chest. Your right hand seems to move on its own as it stretches in Seonghwa’s direction, fingers reaching for his. He slips his fingers through yours within a second. You hear soft skids as he moves closer to you, and before you know it, Seonghwa is flush against your side, the fire of his presence no longer overwhelming your senses. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to keep you safe,” he whispers after a few minutes of sitting in a comfortable silence. “No matter what.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t promise that,” you respond, lifting your chin to look over at his sharp features. His gaze is soft as he looks back at you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.” A faint, dry laugh leaves his lips. His thumb starts to rub small circles over the back of your hand. The rhythmic pattern matches up with your breathing and almost urges you to remain in a calm state. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long – how long is it going to be until we reach–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about that for now, Y/N. I’ll tell you later, but you don’t need to be thinking about it right now, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay…” You release a deep exhale and let your cheek fall against Seonghwa’s shoulder. He twists a bit to press his lips to the crown of your head as you rest on him, thumb still rubbing circles into your skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise we’ll figure something out. We won’t put you in any danger willingly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not me I’m worried about.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>act three baybeeeee hell yes we are here at last ssdfldkj 3/15 how we feeling ;-; jsdfkld wow anyway this was way more sad and angsty than i meant for it to be i swear it was supposed to be rather calm then shit hit the fan QUICK ouch im sorry it’s okay tho i swear it’s okay it’ll be fine okay everything is fine it’s great okay imma stop talking now oasidfjoijdf<br/>also hi hello survey uwu if you would like to take!! http://www.survey-maker.com/Q23TAZCE</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Act Three - Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You suck at this game,” you mutter, glancing over Jongho’s shoulder to see his hand of cards again.</p><p> </p><p>“What? You can do better?” He scoffs in response and pulls his cards close to his chest. You shrug, propping an elbow up on the table and looking over to where Wooyoung and Yeosang sit. Both have cards in their hands as well, and Wooyoung keeps trying to sneak a glance at the other man’s hand, but Yeosang just moves further and further away from him. Jongho clears his throat and sits up a bit straighter as he continues to talk to you. “I’ll have you know that I am the best out of the whole crew. Unbeatable.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, damn. Everyone must be fucking horrible if you’re the best.” You crack a small smile, looking over at Jongho out the corner of your eye. He puts a hand over his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me–”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re excused.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re jealous,” he counters through your childish remark.</p><p> </p><p>“What exactly am I supposed to be jealous of? A bad poker skill?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! It’s poker. It’s not like I get to choose what cards I get. It’s not even skill-based!”</p><p> </p><p>“Then how are you the best? You just happen to have good luck?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I – listen. I have the best poker face, and I can lie better than anyone else on the crew.”</p><p> </p><p>“Should you be proud of that?” You inquire, scrunching your nose up as you squint at Jongho. He opens his mouth to retort but snaps it shut a moment later. His expression is a bit dumbfounded, and he stares at the table with a small glare, seeming to realize your point. You manage to hold back your laugh, but Wooyoung doesn’t even try – a bright and noisy laugh resounding as he watches your exchange.</p><p> </p><p>“You know it’s bad when Yeosang is winning,” Wooyoung says through a sigh. Yeosang casts a half-hearted glare at the man, but Wooyoung ignores him in favor of continuing to complain. “Why are you even winning? Out of everyone, you are the worst at poker. How am I losing to you? It’s one thing to lose to Jongho, but you? This is embarrassing.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t lie, Woo.” Yeosang clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth and continues to thumb through his hand of cards. “You turn beet red and start stuttering. I’m content with winning now. Break the losing streak.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung folds his lips into a frown, mocking Yeosang’s smug expression a bit as he looks through his own cards. “Break the losing streak. Content with winning. May as well just say ‘I’m better than you, Wooyoung.’”</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t say that. Maybe Y/N is my good luck charm.” Yeosang shifts his gaze over to you, one corner of his lips pulling upwards as he looks over you. You huff and glare back at him. You don’t make a habit of speaking to Yeosang, especially since he threatened you back on Medra and fucking <em>choked</em> you, but you also can’t bring yourself to trust his unknown motives. He maintains a certain level of teasing and playfulness, but all your one-on-one interactions have shown that attitude to be a farce.</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you,” you retort.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I thought I was your good luck charm,” Wooyoung whines, lips pouting out as he turns to Yeosang. Yeosang lifts a hand and pats Wooyoung’s cheek lightly. His gaze is softer than usual, but it quickly turns teasing again when he speaks next.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve never helped me win poker though.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung throws his cards on the table and shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Is there really nothing better to do? I’m bored out of my mind.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’re on a spaceship, Woo. If you have any bright ideas of what there is to do on a <em>spaceship</em> in the middle of <em>space</em>, I would love to know what those ideas are,” Yeosang remarks, picking up Wooyoung’s thrown cards one by one. Jongho passes his cards over as well, although he is a lot more gentle than Wooyoung was.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re actually not in space anymore.” Wooyoung jabs a finger at Yeosang’s chin and catches the man on the lip instead. Yeosang swats his hand away with a small grimace, but you can tell that Wooyoung’s antics don’t bother him too much. “We’ve already landed on Kebos. We’re just waiting for Captain and the others to do whatever it is they need to do.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s been a few days since your awkward panic attack in the training room, but the mention of Kebos still makes you tense up, and your breath catches a bit in your throat. Jongho notes the way your shoulders lift, and his hand reaches down to the bench between you two, brushing over your knuckles just enough. You shift to look at him, lips pressed tight together, but he doesn’t look back at you. Instead, he keeps his eyes forward on Yeosang and Wooyoung as they continue their conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop being a smartass, Woo.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not being a smartass!”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll get your ass beat if you aren’t careful,” Yeosang threatens, shaking his head a little while continuing to organize the deck of cards.</p><p> </p><p>“You could never lay a finger on me. You love me too much.” Wooyoung crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back to grin smugly at Yeosang. The blond doesn’t even look at him before swinging his fist into Wooyoung’s arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” Wooyoung exclaims, pulling away from Yeosang and rubbing at the spot where he was hit. “Ow? What was that for?”</p><p> </p><p>“You said I wouldn’t hit you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t mean for you to actually hit me though…” Wooyoung pouts and slaps Yeosang’s arm in return.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay? Does it hurt? I didn’t do any actual damage, did I?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ha! I knew you were soft for me!”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang huffs at Wooyoung’s accusation but neglects to counter again, letting Wooyoung bask in his victory (if it can even be called a success). You sit up straight as movement flashes across the edge of your vision. Seonghwa and San step into the mess hall side by side, both out of their casual clothes and armed with two pistols each. Jongho slides closer to you to make room for them, but Seonghwa puts a hand up and shakes his head a little.</p><p> </p><p>“We aren’t staying. We’ll be heading out with Captain in a few minutes. Jongho, would you go take inventory in the cargo hold with Mingi later.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure thing, Lieutenant. Consider it done.”</p><p> </p><p>“We should be back shortly, but this will most likely take a few days. Maybe a week at most. Captain wants to scope out possible recruits for the crew.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why all of a sudden like this?” Yeosang cuts in, leaving the deck of cards forgotten under his fingers. Seonghwa glances over at him with wide eyes. A small smile takes over his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong will explain in time.”</p><p> </p><p>“In time?” Yeosang scoffs. “So never.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s going to explain <em>in time</em>, Yeosang. If you expect me to tell you now, you’re sorely mistaken, so I would suggest you keep your mouth shut and wait for the captain to address it later.” Seonghwa levels Yeosang with a glare, the soft demeanor slipping away from his features, and for a moment, all you see is the Lieutenant of Death. Yeosang’s jaw shifts, but he doesn’t say anything else. “Y/N, could I borrow you for a second?” You become the focus of Seonghwa’s stare, but the fury in his eyes drops away as he looks at you.</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yeah, sure.” You push yourself up from the bench, stepping behind Seonghwa as he starts to walk towards a separate table. You turn to glance over at San, who takes your seat beside Jongho with a delicate frown pasted on his features. Even when you sit down beside Seonghwa, you can spot San over the lieutenant’s shoulder. He looks back at you, eyes lingering and watching, but as soon as he sees that you’re doing the same, he dips his chin towards the table in front of him instead.</p><p> </p><p>“San is worried about coming along,” Seonghwa explains, noticing your stare. “Yeosang is going to be guarding the main airlock, and San doesn’t trust Yeosang, so… he’s not too happy about the situation.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah,” you exhale.</p><p> </p><p>“All other airlocks are going to be locked down and sealed tight. I want you to go to the cargo hold with Jongho and Mingi. If anything does happen – which we doubt – both will be there to protect you and keep anything from happening to you. The military isn’t in this sector where we’ve landed, but just for extra precautions, Hongjoong reserved a private docking station. So only people with certain keycards can get into the bay, just the three of us who are leaving. The doors will lock once we’re gone. Yeosang won’t stay in one place the whole time, but he’ll be patrolling the corridors closest to the main airlock. San and I – we have orders from Hongjoong to return to the ship immediately if anything happens. Our location won’t be as far away as it was when we were in Echidna, so we’ll be able to return quicker than before. Nothing should get through Yeosang, Jongho, and Mingi though. How does that sound?”</p><p> </p><p>You’re so immersed in listening to what Seonghwa is saying that you don’t realize he’s asked you a question until a couple seconds after he’s finished speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“A-Ah, yes, that’s sounds… good. Great. Yeah.” You must still seem anxious and on-edge because Seonghwa’s brows furrow together.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you trust us, Y/N?”</p><p> </p><p>“I trust you. Not Hongjoong.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa dips his head and laughs through his nose. “That’s why I came up with the plan and not Hongjoong.” He glances over to where San is sitting, and with a deep sigh, he pulls himself back to his feet. “It’s time to go.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa says the words loud enough for San to hear as well, and the latter gets up, immediately looking over to where you’re still sitting at the table. You press a smile across your lips, one that San returns in an instant.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t do anything I would do,” you say as you stand up, moving back over to where Jongho and the others are seated.</p><p> </p><p>“So, avoid doing something stupid?” San teases.</p><p> </p><p>“Haha. Very funny,” you scoff. The second you’re within arm’s length of San, you reach out to smack his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Ow, hey, I’m fragile!”</p><p> </p><p>“Fragile? Choi San, I–”</p><p> </p><p>“You could break me,” San whines, shying away from your arm as you threaten to hit him again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll hit you harder,” you sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Kinky,” he whispers back. He dodges your quickly-swung arm again, a snicker leaving his lips as he goes to join Seonghwa at the edge of the room. “We won’t keep you guys waiting long!”</p><p> </p><p>“Watch them come back in three days,” Jongho mutters as Seonghwa and San leave the mess hall, and you slide back into your seat. He purses his lips at you when you sit down, brows raised high, and you narrow your eyes in response.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s that look for?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing.” Jongho shrugs and looks away from you. Yeosang huffs a laugh though, and that’s enough to tell you that it is far from nothing. At least Wooyoung looks just as clueless and confused as you. “I’m gonna go take care of inventory now rather than later.” Jongho slides off the bench. You sigh but get up as well, sending a half-hearted glare at Jongho’s head since he waited for you to sit down to announce his departure.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going with, Y/N?” Wooyoung asks. He watches you get up, eyes wide and questioning, and you nod at him. “Why? Didn’t Seonghwa ask Mingi and Jongho to take care of it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, yeah, I just want to figure out how to do it. For the future. If I need to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop putting your foot in your mouth,” Jongho sighs. “It’s embarrassing.”</p><p> </p><p>“That might be impossible,” Yeosang snorts.</p><p> </p><p>“Hahaha, so funny.” You sneer and pass a glare in Yeosang’s direction, then turn away, so you don’t have to see his cocky expression any longer. “I hate him,” you mutter once you and Jongho are out of the dining hall. Jongho laughs under his breath.</p><p> </p><p>“He’ll grow on you. Maybe.”</p><p> </p><p>“I doubt it.”</p><p> </p><p>“He does seem to enjoy infuriating you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, I feel so special.” You walk in step with Jongho even though you don’t know the way to the cargo bay. “I haven’t been back in the cargo bay since I first got on the ship.” You hadn’t intended to say the words out loud, but they slip out anyway, and Jongho glances at you out the corner of his eye.</p><p> </p><p>“I find it funny, you know. I did the same thing as you when I first got on the ship.”</p><p> </p><p>“You were a stowaway?” Somewhere in the back of your mind, you vaguely remember something – maybe Yunho? – mentioning Jongho being in a similar situation as you were, but the memory is too hazy for you to think about.</p><p> </p><p>“Yep.” Jongho pops the syllable with a smile, bringing a hand up to run through his dark hair. “I was just trying to get free passage to a different planet. I had worked in a bar as a work mule on Dorado. Not too long, maybe only a couple months, but I heard lots of rumors and things while there. Captain and Seonghwa came through one day, and I overheard them talking about going to Aegos for a quick warehouse raid, then to Mensa. I was trying to get to Mensa, so I snuck aboard the ship and hid in the cargo bay. When we got to Aegos and retrieved the cargo, they brought San back. And he immediately found me hiding in the cargo bay. Sound familiar?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I made it four days, so…”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you bragging about how you were dying in a crate for four days?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just saying I stayed hidden longer than you did!” You counter.</p><p> </p><p>“I – hey, I’m a lot bigger and harder to hide than you are! Do I look like I can fit in a fucking crate?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think I just look at people and think ‘oh they look like they would fit in a crate’? That sounds like a psychopath.”</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, I was in that cargo bay for a full week. A week! I was only caught because of San! And the rest of the crew at the time were kinda… slow and didn’t notice a lot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right, yeah, if that makes you feel better.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think I lose a year of my life every time I talk to you,” Jongho grumbles. You scoff and elbow him in the side.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t make me take more off right now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Would you let me finish my story maybe? Please?” You lift your hands, dragging your thumb and index finger over your lips to show your silence for Jongho. He shakes his head ever so slightly at your antics, but continues with his story nonetheless. “Where was I? Oh yeah, San found me. He didn’t tell Captain about it, but he managed to sneak some food for me quite often, and he would talk to me a lot while he was there. Probably because he was new to the crew and didn’t really like chatting with new people at the time. Maybe it was easier to talk to me since I was a stowaway. But anyway, I asked him to tell me when the ship reached Mensa, and San said he would. He also offered to help smuggle me off the ship when we got there. Two days before we landed on Mensa, Captain came down and caught San talking to me. He made a comment about finally seeing the stowaway resting in his ship, so it turns out he knew I was there the whole time. San asked him not to hurt me since I was only around fifteen at the time. I was a “kid” or something. Captain said he never intended to hurt me in the first place, but he knew I was trying to get to Mensa because the barkeep I worked for was a bit loose-lipped. “</p><p> </p><p>“Does Hongjoong recruit every stowaway on the ship?” You inquire, only have serious, and Jongho chuckles a bit.</p><p> </p><p>“He seems to have a track record for that, doesn’t he?”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, but why Mensa? There are many other arguably nicer planets you could’ve gone to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not a fan of the desert and the scalding heat that will melt the skin off your face? Wow, I figured that would be your favorite kind of weather!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, absolutely. It’s actually my favorite right behind poisonous swamps and fumes that will choke you out in less than a minute!”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, that’s a good one,” Jongho whispers, looking up at the ceiling. “I’m gonna use that one on Yeosang next time he acts like a smartass.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought that was constant.” Jongho snorts and rubs at the skin between his eyes. You laugh as well, proud of your little remark, then Jongho answers your initial question.</p><p> </p><p>“I supposedly have family on Mensa. Somewhere in that god-forsaken heat. Eventually I’ll ask Captain if we can go there. I would like to meet the family I have there, but right now, I don’t think I can.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why not?” You ask, but it feels like you’re beginning to tread on eggshells, because Jongho looks off at the wall as the two of you walk. His eyes glaze over a little bit. For a moment, you think he’s just going to ignore your question and carry on in silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Things have changed over time,” he says at last. His steps slow to a halt, and you come to a stop beside him. The cargo bay lays ahead of the two of you, but Jongho doesn’t go in quite yet. “It’s been seven years since I joined the crew, and I was young at the time. Not very mature or grown-up. Lots of things have changed now that I think about it. Some things happened in the past that I need to work through and confront. I should take care of that before meeting the family I have on Mensa.”</p><p> </p><p>You want to inquire further, mostly on account of your curiosity, but also because it seems to be an odd goal to have. You don’t get the chance to ask though.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Mingi! You’re already here!” Jongho exclaims, lips stretching into a wide smile. You jerk your head forward and find the tall Berserker standing in front of you. His stature alone is intimidating, but the blank void in his dark eyes serves to be far worse. You swallow the sudden lump that has arisen in your throat. He looks you over from head to toe. The lack of emotion in his expression doesn’t sit well with you, and you hold your breath until he turns around, a huff of air leaving his lungs as he steps further into the cargo bay without a word.</p><p> </p><p>Jongho is altogether unfazed by the odd encounter between you and Mingi. When you glance up at him with inquiry in your eyes, he merely shrugs and moves closer to the wall.</p><p> </p><p>“Is he in a bad mood or something?” You mutter, eyeing Mingi’s back as he walks further away. Jongho releases a loud laugh, and you want to smack him upside the head because Mingi most definitely heard that laugh, and you would rather not get on the bad side of a Berserker who could crush you in an instant.</p><p> </p><p>“Mingi doesn’t have moods,” Jongho answers. He grabs something off the wall – a tablet from the looks of it – and taps away at the screen until it lights up. “At all. Or emotions in general. Well, no. He has emotions, but he doesn’t know how to show them or anything like that. Doesn’t understand what they are. That kinda thing, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“I – you’re so dry.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I really don’t understand!” You retort.</p><p> </p><p>Jongho laughs, walking further into the cargo bay, and you trail after him. He works opposite Mingi; both men log cargo with matching paces, and you don’t want to disturb Jongho while he works, so you just look around the bay with little interest. Nothing is interesting about crates upon crates of goods. Your gaze keeps slipping back to Mingi’s form though. Everything about him appears to be normal, but something about those eyes is unsettling and strikes fear in your stomach.</p><p> </p><p>You wait until Jongho wraps around the back of some crates, eyes peeking out to make sure that Mingi is out of earshot before moving back to Jongho to ask him a few questions.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you tell me a bit about Mingi?”</p><p> </p><p>He lifts an eyebrow but continues to work as though you didn’t say anything.</p><p> </p><p>“Please?” A hesitant sigh escapes him, and you worry that you’re prying too much for a few seconds, but Jongho dispels that concern with his next words.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, what do you want to know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Anything. I can’t understand him, and I’ve never really interacted with him. Compared to the other crewmembers, that is…”</p><p> </p><p>“Right, yeah. That’s how it is when people meet Mingi for the first time.” Jongho nods, continuing his work as he speaks. “Mingi’s personality is hard to read. I mean, he seems simple, but there’s a lot of facets to him. He does anything Captain tells him to. Likes to watch Yunho work and listen to him talk about medical and philosophical shit. Talks to him a lot about emotions and understanding them better. Since Berserkers absorb emotional auras, he struggles a lot with keeping his emotions in check and not absorbing too much from the people around him. I’m better about controlling that only because my parents taught me how to as I grew up. And even if I’m not able to control it, they taught me how to keep it in and not let the aggression break through. Mingi can’t do that. He’s very much a loose cannon with little control. Innocent in a way because he doesn’t understand emotions, but brutal and harsh. Moreso than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s the way he was programmed though, and it’s hard to rewire something like that, especially a Berserker.”</p><p> </p><p>“But… how did he get to be like that?” You ask, keeping your eyes on said man across the bay. He works in a rhythmic and robotic manner, almost like he isn’t quite human.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know the nickname the military has for him?”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I – uh, no, I didn’t – didn’t keep track of everyone. I honestly only knew of Hongjoong and Seonghwa. Yeosang through word of mouth more than anything. But no one else.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s called the Brute of Kebos.”</p><p> </p><p>You snap your head towards Jongho as you process the words. Jongho doesn’t look back at you, however, he continues to tap away at his tablet, glancing between the screen and the crates in front of him every once in a while.</p><p> </p><p>“For six years, he fought in an arena here on Kebos before they were outlawed. He would win every single time. Every fight. Flawless record. By the time he was sixteen, he was at the top of everyone’s bet lists and at the top of the arena, which was expected because his father was in charge of the arena. He had won countless matches and beaten plenty of people. Kill after kill. Apparently, he was always eager to fight and kill. He was taught that people die every day, so no life is valuable or worthy of mercy. Death is natural, and it isn’t wrong to end someone’s life even if they’ve done nothing wrong. His body count… it’s unimaginable.”</p><p> </p><p>You swallow roughly, and the sound seems to echo in your ears. It’s so loud that Jongho must hear it, but he doesn’t comment.</p><p> </p><p>“Wh-Why would Hongjoong keep such a loose cannon on the crew?” You ask in attempts to recover a bit of a calm demeanor.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s useful in certain situations and on certain missions. Doesn’t complain or anything like that either, which must be nice for Captain.” Jongho hesitates and lifts his chin. His gaze doesn’t focus on the crates this time. “Things haven’t been the same since the last incident though.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean? What incident?”</p><p> </p><p>Jongho recovers in an instant, eyes growing wide, and he shakes his head to refocus on the tablet in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“What incident? No one said anything about an incident. There’s no incident.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so bad at lying, Choi Jo–”</p><p> </p><p>A crash interrupts you. Jongho drops the tablet and lunges forward. His hand grips your hip tightly, and he pushes you behind his body as he looks out towards where Mingi just was. You can’t see past his broad shoulders, but there is an undeniable spike of tension in the room now. Jongho’s stance is defensive – almost like he’s trying to shield you or protect you in some way.</p><p> </p><p>“Mingi?” He calls out, tone hesitant and wary. His whole body is rigid before you, a stark contrast to your trembling hands and racing heart.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I knocked something over.” Mingi’s tone is cool and flat. There is no aggression in it, and that seems to calm Jongho down some.</p><p> </p><p>“Carry on then,” Jongho says with a nod. His hand leaves your hip, shoulders relaxing back to their normal state, and you step out from behind him to examine Mingi. He wears a strained and awkward smile, and Jongho’s right – there is a strong sense of innocence about his actions. He moves back behind the crates before you can stare any longer.</p><p> </p><p>“You thought he was going to hurt me, didn’t you?” You state when Jongho turns back to face you. His eyes drag over your features, then he shakes his head a few times.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s only part of it,” he mutters, stooping to pick up the tablet he dropped. “The incident I mentioned… one of the crew died by Mingi’s hands during it. I was the only one there when it happened, and I couldn’t stop Mingi. I guess it’s just – just another burden of guilt that I have to bear.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Another?</em> You note, eyes narrowing on Jongho. He motions back towards the crates without paying your expression any mind.</p><p> </p><p>“We should finish this up. I want to get back to playing poker so I can kick your ass. You’re playing the next round since I showed you how to play the first time.”</p><p> </p><p>You scoff at his cheeky remark. “I’ll show you how to play since you’re so fucking awful at it. The only thing I learned from watching you was how to be <em>bad</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ouch, those are bold words. That’s something to look forward to then. It’ll be like when we spar. You talking big, then me inevitably planting you on your ass every single time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, for the record, I let you win. Men have fragile egos, and you need to be preserved, Jongho. What kind of person would I be if I destroyed that fragile ego?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, so you’re being gracious then?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m letting you feel good about yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well then, maybe I’ll let you win poker so that you can feel good about yourself. How about that?”</p><p> </p><p>You don’t respond; instead, you merely shake your head and roll your eyes a bit. There’s a bit of levity in the air now, one that you welcome with open arms. It’s been too long since you’ve been able to let yourself joke around like this with other people, casting your worries to the side and letting things happen. It sends you back to a small room on Eros, one full of six wide-eyed recruits all falling under the guidance of one Han Jisung, and for once, you relive the memory with a sense of peace in your mind.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: oh yeah it’s all coming together everything is coming together ;) okay but fr i hope you guys enjoy this part, it’s a bit more lighthearted and quite a bit of a break compared to our regular angst, but y’all deserve a break for putting up with my angsty ass 💆♀️ i hope you enjoyed learning more about our resident berserkers 🤧 next chapter things are heating up 👁👄👁 and we're gonna finally get some answers about seonghwa<br/>aND if you would like to take the most recent survey, here's the link: http://www.survey-maker.com/Q23TAZCE</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Act Three - Part Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I said keep your leg straight!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is straight,” you counter, huffing through your teeth as Yunho smacks the underside of your calf yet again. It’s probably the fourth time he’s done so in the past twenty minutes, and he tells you to straighten your leg each time even though it’s already perfectly straight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to get your eyes checked, because that is most definitely not straight.” Yunho pulls away from the bed you’re lying back on, and you let your leg fall back to the mattress so you can sit up and glare at the back of his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the doctor here, so why don’t you check them if you think there’s an issue?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your attitude is the issue here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be nice to me? Is that any way to talk to your patient?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you did your exercises properly, maybe I would be nicer!” Yunho chastises, coming back to the edge of the bed with arms crossed over his chest. You resist the urge to roll your eyes but fall back to the mattress anyway and start doing the exercises again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am doing them properly,” you grumble. Seonghwa laughs from off to the side. He leans up against the wall, arms crossed like Yunho’s, and in all honesty, you had forgotten that he was standing there all this time. You don’t quite understand why he’s on the ship today; the only thing you were told is that it was per Hongjoong’s request. The captain took Yeosang with him to the city instead of Seonghwa, and San went along again as well. Based on Seonghwa and Yunho’s exchanged whispers that ceased when you came into the medbay, it has something to do with you. You want to ask about it, but Yunho interrupts your train of thought by speaking again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wish Hongjoong would let me off the damn ship for one day. Just </span>
  <em>one</em>
  <span>.” He glances over at Seonghwa and plops down on his rolling stool that he’s left near your bed. “I haven’t been back here in years.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I stop yet?” You interject, a slight whine to your words. Yunho pays you no mind though, so you just continue to do the exercises while he speaks to Seonghwa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s wintertime on Kebos, which means winter festivals! And snow! When do we ever get to see snow?” Yunho slaps his palms against the bed. You jolt a little, whipping your chin to look at him. “Do you remember me telling you about it, Y/N?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The winter festivals on Kebos?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I – no, I don’t remember us ever having that conversation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho sighs and sits up straight again. He leans forward to tap your knee. For a moment, you think he’s going to tell you to do the exercises properly again, so you prepare to smack him, but he doesn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s enough for today. I can’t wear you out too much before you go spar.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank goodness,” you mutter, falling back to the mattress with a deep heave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but back to the festival thing – we’re near the capital Reinig. Literally at the town right outside Reinig. I could take a day trip to the city to see the festival! But no, no, no. Not allowed. The healer has to stay on the ship even when there’s no one to heal!” Yunho waves his hand through the air before bringing it to his pale locks. Seonghwa offers a smile that’s filled with fondness. His arms fall away from his chest, and he blinks over at you for a few seconds then turns back to Yunho.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe Hongjoong can slow down for a day,” Seonghwa suggests. “Let everyone have some time for themselves to do… anything they want to do. That way you could go to the festival. Maybe you could bring Wooyoung along? You’d have to take Yeosang as well, but that might not be so bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, that would be nice.” Yunho hums and thumbs over his chin as he considers Seonghwa’s offer. “Wooyoung doesn’t get to see many nice or relaxing things, so the festival might be a good opportunity for him to take a step back. Yeosang is just – well, he’s Yeosang. He hates everything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa releases a loud snort. “You’ve never been more accurate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If we did that, I would want to bring you along, Y/N.” You snap your chin back towards Yunho, eyes narrowing in a second. You don’t want to shoot the idea down, but Yunho is well aware of your desire to stay on the ship where it is safe and sound. Away from the military and the idea of being in such a dangerous sector of the universe. Out the corner of your eye, you spot Seonghwa opening his mouth as well, and he seems ready to refuse the suggestion for you. Yunho lifts a hand to stop him before he can talk. “Listen to what I have to say as the healer of this crew. One way to confront emotional and mental trauma is through trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy. You know what that is?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You blink away from Yunho, lips parted and expression contorted in a confused manner. Seonghwa is in a similar predicament, and when you lock gazes, he shrugs a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course, we don’t, Yunho. You’re the doctor here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s like talking to two brick walls, I swear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are we at least good-looking brick walls?” You tease with a cheeky grin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No comment, you little shit.” Yunho jabs his index finger at your face, so you take that answer as a ‘yes’ and pull yourself into a sitting position with a more pleased smile now. “Anyway, the process involves gradually exposing yourself to feelings and situations that remind you of a trauma and replacing distorted and irrational thoughts about the experience with a more balanced picture. So the idea is to expose you to a place that brings you discomfort and is tied to bad memories. Once exposed, we would try to replace those emotions with good ones and reshape your perception of the place, while breaking down some of the trauma you’ve faced. Overcome trauma, alleviate some of your pain and distress, and have a good time. Make sense now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye, aye, Captain.” Seonghwa nods, eyes trailing over your form. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so now you see why I want you to come with. As much as I want you to come with though, I want you to make the final decision. If Hongjoong allows it, that is.” Yunho’s gaze returns to Seonghwa, and he looks up at the lieutenant with a hopeful gleam in his dark eyes. Seonghwa shakes his head ever so slightly, but his smile persists even as he pushes away from the wall and walks closer to where Yunho is sitting. He punches the healer’s arm, swing light, and Yunho laughs in response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s up to Hongjoong and Y/N then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perfect!” Yunho grins. It quickly dissolves as he begins to make shooing motions towards Seonghwa. “Go wait in the hall for a few minutes now. I gotta ask some private doctor questions that you don’t need to be around for.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa rolls his eyes but steps closer to the door. He stops to look back at you, a slight smile playing at his lips. “Yell if he starts acting weird.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, quit it! Get out before I smack you.” Seonghwa has to dodge Yunho’s weakly swung arm, but he doesn’t get away completely unscathed as he runs into the doorframe on his way out, and you have to stifle your laughter along with Yunho until he’s completely gone. “Okay, okay,” Yunho exhales through a chuckle. “Now that we have some privacy let’s talk about how you’ve been mentally and emotionally. How are you sleeping? Flashbacks, nightmares, anything like that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” you utter without thinking twice, and Yunho blinks back in surprise. You hesitate before correcting yourself. He’s told you already that you don’t need to be embarrassed about things not working or going well, that it’s part of the process, and there will be slip-ups along the way, but it still feels like you’ve failed in some way. Your old squad from the military – predominantly Jisung – has been haunting your dreams and intruding on your thoughts without rest. Even Yunho’s medications do nothing to cease their presence. Yet whenever one comes along, you can’t push it out or ignore it, which is probably what you should be doing. You just let yourself slip into the memories and be consumed by them. The only relief you get is when you talk to someone because that provides an ample amount of distraction for a while.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N?” Yunho snaps his fingers in front of your face. You shake your head a little and look him in the eye. “You spaced out on me. All good?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah, um, the medications aren’t working,” you admit. Yunho’s lips press into a delicate frown, but he doesn’t seem surprised at all by the information. “I haven’t been sleeping well, and it’s hard to get rest when I do sleep. I just… constantly have nightmares of my time in the military. Some flashbacks during the day as well.” Yunho nods at your words, then he hums to himself for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that the only thing you’ve been struggling with?” He asks next.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, talking to San helped clear the air a lot about t-that whole issue. Not completely. Something still feels off and wrong, but thinking about it doesn’t make me as afraid as it used to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s really good, Y/N. Even small steps are progress. I’m glad to hear it. As for sleeping issues, I can adjust your dosage and have the new medicine ready by tonight. We can test it out and see how well it works. Not a permanent solution, but something for now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, yeah, we can do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now concerning your memories of the military… where do you think that’s coming from? Has it started since we entered Aurum, or is it something else? Is Kebos a source of trauma for you as well?” Yunho has that all too familiar tablet in his hands, and you resist the urge to clam up and panic at the thought of him having all your weaknesses written down in it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, no, Kebos isn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I want to move back to Kebos once I retire from the military.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can’t keep the memory from slipping through. Your jaw stutters as you try to recover from the sudden lapse in speech, and if Yunho notices, he doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he settles for patiently waiting for you to continue your thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s j-just Aurum. Uh, sorry, it’s Eros. The idea of being near Eros stresses me out. Makes me remember my time in the military and the things I experienced while there.” You look up to the ceiling as to avoid Yunho’s piercing gaze. The heat of his stare lingers on you. Silence envelops the air between you for what feels like hours. Then, Yunho pipes up again with another question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is your earliest memory, Y/N?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My – my what?” You stammer. The question is random, the last thing you were expecting for him to ask, but Yunho just repeats himself without seeing the oddness of his inquiry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your earliest memory. As far as you can remember.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, um, I don’t really know,” you trail off, shaking your head a bit as you speak. It’s all honesty on your part for once, because you truly don’t recall much about your childhood or life before the military. Everything is hazy as though there is a film over your vision up until the moment you joined the military. “I remember… voices and, uh, people telling me things while growing up, but I can’t picture it or see it in my mind. I don’t know who the people talking are, I just hear their voices. Occasionally I think I remember an old man from my childhood, but he seems to be more of an extension of my dreams. I only see him there but have no memories of him. The earliest thing I remember is joining the military.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho’s hand hesitates over the tablet. “How old were you when you joined?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Around fourteen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah…” Yunho’s voice dies almost immediately, expression crumbling a little. “Fourteen.” You don’t want to look at him, but you can hear what sounds like pity in his voice. “Do you remember anything at all about the first fourteen years of your life?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have vague recollections of water. Flowing water and crashing waves and foggy skies. But I really can’t remember more than that,” you say after a slight pause. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s strange,” Yunho mutters back. “No recollection of the first fourteen years of your life. How old are you again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“U-Uh, twenty-one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, two-thirds of your life are empty memories.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never really thought too much about it. Figured that what I went through in the military was enough to block it out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, I suppose that’s a possibility. Do you have any happy or – or fond memories? A person or a place that brings you joy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bright eyes and a round smile come to mind in an instant. It isn’t just Jisung this time though; everyone in your unit makes an appearance at the forefront of your mind. The oldest of your group, Hyunwoo, with his broad shoulders and towering persona that always felt so intimidating despite how harmless he was with you all. Jisung’s closest friend, Juyeon, with his dark blue hair and clear laugh that was always resounding through every room he stepped through. Soojin, the only other girl on the squad, as deadly as she was charming and beautiful. And Ash, barely older than you – maybe only a few weeks older at best – who always looked up to Jisung like he held the universe in his hands. If the universe was your ragtag group of neglected recruits, then perhaps Jisung did hold it in his hands. At one time, each and every single one of them brought you joy and happiness. Made you feel warm, comforted, and wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How did it all end so badly?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can only feel cold and desolate as you think about them now. Guilt eats away at your gut, and you frantically try to push the memories aside before it consumes you and sends you into a frenzy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N-No,” you rush to answer Yunho’s initial question. “No, none at all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A frown paints his lips, one that is painful to look at, so again, you avoid his face in favor of looking at the ceiling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I want to try to make some happy memories for you then. And maybe show you that you have people here now who can bring you joy and comfort. Hopefully, Hongjoong will let us go down to Reinig for a day in the very least.” A sigh passes through Yunho’s lips, then the sound of him tapping away at his tablet resounds shortly after. “You’re free to go spar with Seonghwa now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” you mutter, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed and getting to your feet. Yunho stops you before you move for the door though. He latches a hand around your wrist and blinks up at you all of a sudden.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing well with the physical therapy, Y/N. Staying on top of it and putting in effort. I can tell you’re taking it seriously this time, and I’m proud of you for that. Not just as your doctor, but as a friend too. You’re doing well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words shouldn’t hit you as hard as they do. You manage a weak nod and shaky smile, then step around Yunho’s chair to step through the door. His words linger like a bad taste on your tongue. You can’t tell whether they make you feel good or not; there was almost an ulterior meaning to what he said that causes your gut to twist and coil. Pushing out of the medbay, you heave a deep sigh and find Seonghwa standing just outside the door. He’s leaned up against the wall, arms back over his chest, and the second he sees you, he pushes himself into an upright position.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you still up for some sparring?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, let’s do it,” you mutter. Falling into step beside him, you press your hands against your sides, nails digging into your palms. Thinking about the squad was a bad idea, because now you can’t get them out of your mind. Jisung alone was bad enough, but you know where this train of thought is headed, and it’s going to take you straight to those tall brick walls and public execution again. The broad shoulders of the man under a black hood with chains around his wrists.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re getting closer with Jongho and Wooyoung,” Seonghwa cuts through your impeding thoughts with his clear tone, almost sensing your sudden distress and pushing it to the side like it’s nothing. “I’m glad to see it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If this is an attempt at small talk, you’re awful at it,” you tease. Seonghwa huffs a laugh through his nose and shakes his head, but he obviously isn’t too bothered by your comment. “But yes, I am. They don’t ask questions incessantly like some people do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that a dig at me?” Seonghwa scoffs, clutching his chest as though offended. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s for you to figure out, pretty boy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s also nice to see that you haven’t forgotten your little nickname for me, princess.” Seonghwa rolls his eyes a little, punching at the keypad outside the training room. You smile in response. The memories of Jisung and your old squad are slowly fading away and leaving you with a new sense of peace, at least for the time being. “Do you need to warm up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll just do some stretches,” you answer, moving for the mat while Seonghwa heads for the cabinets to retrieve the tape as he always does. You plop down on the mat, a small oof leaving you. “By the way, how did things go yesterday?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa glances back at you, rifling through the cabinet, and he doesn’t answer right away. You keep your eyes on him while you stretch. His movements are languid even as he wraps the tape around his wrists and hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everything went well,” he says at last, coming to join you on the mat. He lingers at the edge and tosses the tape onto your lap before starting to stretch a bit himself. “Not much progress yet, but Hongjoong thinks it will take upwards of a week to take care of everything. He has to meet with several other captains of pirate crews while here – discuss business over the inventory in the cargo hold as well as figure out positions of military ships and units, those sorts of things. I’ll be joining him again tomorrow as we have some treaties to negotiate with a couple of crews concerning free travel. It isn’t free to fly around after all. We need to restock some basic necessities too. Food, drink, medical supplies, clothes. Hongjoong will be looking into bringing on some new crew members as well. And of course – Siren hunting.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You exhale a huff. “He’s a busy man. I’m surprised. I figured he just didn’t give a flying fuck about anything other than Sirens.” Grabbing the tape from your lap, you pull yourself into a sitting position then start to wrap the material around your hands like Seonghwa did. He smiles at your words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong takes care of many things and manages a lot as the captain. It may not seem like it at times because of his focus on Sirens, but he’s not a captain for nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pull yourself up to your feet once you finish wrapping your wrists, not bothering to respond to Seonghwa’s comment, and kick your shoes off the side of the mat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go, pretty boy,” you tease, falling into an offensive stance. Seonghwa’s lips quirk further up as he mimics your position, his own shoes thrown off to the side as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Someone is more confident than usual.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You answer with a swift kick swung into Seonghwa’s side, and he’s caught off-guard by your haste and power. He rolls out of the way before you can hit him, a quiet laugh leaving his lips as he dodges you. Your moves are more confident and powerful, but only because of Yunho’s incessant urgings that you do your physical therapy and exercises so often. You haven’t sparred with Seonghwa in around a week; Jongho has been taking his place in recent days. Seonghwa would kill you if you said it out loud, but Jongho is a much harder opponent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re getting your strength back, I see.” Seonghwa catches your next swing, twisting you around, and you have to hook a foot around his ankle to maintain your balance. “Give it a few weeks and you’ll be better than ever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t seen the half of it yet,” you laugh as you pull your arm out of his tightening grip. You slide back across the mat to put some more distance between the two of you, gaging his movements carefully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, then I’d love to see the full thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get your hopes up, pretty boy.” He steps left, more weight on his left foot than his right. “You’ll lose your footing if you do.” You lunge forward and throw your right foot into his. The impact, along with his unbalanced weight, causes him to stumble backward. He nearly tumbles to the ground but catches himself at the last second.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How about we make it a competition then?” He asks through a clear laugh. “Two of three falls. Five seconds down, just like we did during our first spar.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You stand up straight and tap at your chin. “There’s no incentive for me to win.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I’ll let you pin me down if you win. Last time you tried it was cute.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You roll your eyes at his cheeky comment. If it’s an effort to get you riled up and agree to the challenge, then it works quite well because now you really want to plant his ass on the mat and win. Thus, you drop your hands to your hips and tilt your head at the man across from you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, if I win then… you get to clean up dinner dishes all by yourself. I normally do it with either Jongho or Wooyoung, and we get no help from anyone else. So, you deserve to do it alone for once. For fairness. You should know what it feels like. And it would be awfully amusing to see the Lieutenant of Death doing dishes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth in response to your terms. “It’s a good thing that I am going to win then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want if you win?” He doesn’t answer right away; instead, he tilts his head from side to side a few times before letting his sharp gaze settle back on you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll find out when I win.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re too cocky.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa takes the aggressive stance you had before, and he barely lets you finish speaking before he’s crossing the mat. You swing your arms up to block the oncoming attack. Despite the intensity in his moves, they are still quite simple and easy to read. You slip out of his way time and time again, but in your haste, you neglect to watch his feet. Seonghwa slides a foot between yours right as he swings a jab at your hip. You try to sidestep to avoid the attack, and your foot catches on his. The impact sends you to the ground, Seonghwa goes down with you, and a second later, you find yourself pinned to the mat. Seonghwa leans over you, a cocky smirk painting his lips. You struggle against his grip, but he’s too strong for you to escape in this awkward position.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Five seconds. One for me. Zero for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa rolls off of you and gets to his feet. You stay down, however, pushing yourself up onto your elbows, and glare up at him. He extends a hand towards you, which you nearly take, but at the last second, you get an idea and shift your weight on the mat. Taking his hand, you wait for him to shift all his weight into his forward leg then yank hard. He stumbles and almost lands on top of you. You duck out of the way just before he hits you. Your grip on his hand persists, and you twist his arm behind his back and swing a leg over his back. Without the use of both arms, you have Seonghwa successfully pinned to the mat, your weight keeping him down with ease. Seonghwa manages to huff out a laugh as you bend at the waist to taunt him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s five seconds,” you whisper close to the shell of his ear. Releasing his wrists, you sit back and climb off Seonghwa’s body to let him get up properly. Before you have the chance to get to your feet, a sudden force hits you square in the chest, and you fall back to the mat. “Fuck.” Seonghwa’s weight is back on you a moment later. His knees press against your hips so hard that you can’t even try to wiggle out of the hold, and he keeps your wrists planted firmly on the mat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were saying?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a cheap trick, Park Seonghwa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You played that card first, princess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m at a disadvantage.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How so? Because you’re a girl? Weaker than me? No. You aren’t at a disadvantage because we’re equals in the ring and outside the ring. It’s only fair that I treat you as my equal no matter what.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath. Seonghwa knocked most of the air out of your lungs when he sent you down to the mat again, but you’re also a bit worked up from the exercise. Seonghwa is in a similar predicament; sweat drips down the side of his face, a few stray drops hitting the mat near your head. Your body reacts before your mind does, but you blame the close proximity and intimate fighting for how you’re feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But anyway… I won, princess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want then?” Seonghwa dips his chin to his chest, a small laugh reverberating before he looks back into your eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want no one else to be on the ship right now because I would love to fuck you into the mat.” You choke on your saliva, teeth clattering as you snap your lips together. The boldness of his words is shocking enough, but what he actually said has you getting flustered within a second. “But, I suppose I can settle for a kiss instead.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-You – you can’t just… say stuff like that,” you stammer, blinking away from his face. His gaze persists though, and even out the corner of your eye, you can see the way his stare lingers on your lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” The question is whispered, but it sounds so loud in your ears. You bring your chin forward again and look Seonghwa in the eye. He doesn’t move, watching and waiting for a sign of approval or denial from you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please,” you whisper back. Seonghwa closes the already minimal distance between your lips. They’re just as soft as you remember them to be, but there’s a bit more hunger when he kisses you this time. He doesn’t let the touch stay sweet and innocent for long, tongue swiping over your bottom lip. A small whine slips through as you part your lips for him, and his tongue meets yours in a sudden clash for dominance. He hums against you, the grip on your wrists tightening ever so slightly, and you lean into his touch without second thought. His lips leave yours too soon for your liking. “W-We – we shouldn’t do th-this here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s eyes drag over your face as he nods. “My room is closer than yours.” Again he hesitates, waiting for you to give some sort of response, and he alleviates the pressure on your wrists to sit back on his heels.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hurry up and take me there then before we get caught.” That’s all the permission Seonghwa needs. His hands dart down to your thighs, pulling them around his waist, and you let him hoist you up. He’s stronger than he looks, you have to give him that because the lithe form and lean muscles do not look like he should be able to lift you and stand up with the added weight with such ease. He manages to do it without batting an eye. “What if someone is in the corridor?” You ask under your breath, bringing a finger up to trace over his rosy lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to put you down already?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really but – but you probably should just to be safe.” Seonghwa’s lips twitch into a smile, and he helps you untangle from around his waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lead the way then, princess.” His smile is teasing as you turn towards the door. Then, the flat of his hand comes down on your ass, and you gasp, whipping your head back towards him. “You don’t know where my room is though, so I’ll take the lead.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate you,” you grumble, cheeks burning with embarrassment as he steps past you and leads the way out of the training room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Say that after I fuck you into the mattress.” The comment has you choking on your spit again, and you nearly trip over the threshold of the door. The walk to his room is both brief and awkward. He walks a little ways in front of you, and even though you’re trying to avoid looking suspicious, you think that your motives are quite obvious. Especially as you reach his room and he taps at the keypad to open the door. You follow his steps as closely as you can without stepping on his heels. Once you’re both in his room, the air of awkwardness is dispelled. His hand finds the back of your neck, the other traveling to your hip, and he pushes you back against the cool metal door. You meet him halfway, lips crashing together in a mess of skin and teeth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He kisses you with a bruising force, hands slipping away to press against the door instead. You hum against him and loop your own hands around his back to pull him flush against your body. Both of your movements are frantic and rushed, a stark difference compared to last time’s slow ministrations. You fumble for the hem of his shirt, trying and failing to grab at it. Seonghwa pulls back from your lips and gasps for air. He simultaneously yanks his shirt up and off his body. The only noise you can make in response is a startled moan, then his hands return to your body, grabbing the hem of your shirt. Your hands move by instinct to cover his and stop him from pulling it off of you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can stop if you want,” Seonghwa whispers. His forehead falls against yours, and you could cry at the gentleness of his tone and actions. Instead, you shake your head slowly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N-No, I don’t want to stop. I… I want you,” you reply, voice equally as quiet. You know you should talk this through with him first, especially after the first time you had sex, but you’ve already made up your mind about this. Something about Seonghwa makes you trust him, and his visual and sexual appeals are very tangible. Still, you aren’t much of the type to go for one-night stands or quick fucks. With Seonghwa, it feels different from a one night stand, as though there is some sort of connection between the two of you that spurs you to do this. His lips brush against yours as his hands find yours. Your fingers intertwine, the kiss growing deeper and deeper by the second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa doesn’t say anything else; he stumbles back to pull you towards the bed. He falls to the mattress when his knees hit the edge. You bring your legs up to the bed, straddling his lap without breaking the soft kiss. You pull your hands away from his to grab at the edge of your shirt, and Seonghwa sits back to look at you fondly as you peel the material off your sweat-slick skin. There is a sudden shyness to your movements, and Seonghwa picks up on it in an instant. He brings his hands to your bare sides, tracing small circles against the skin as a form of encouragement. You swallow around nothing and reach around your back to peel the band around your chest off as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s gaze never wavers, eyes peering so intently into yours that your breath hitches a little. It’s only when you drop the band to the floor that he moves, and his lips find yours in an instant. The pads of his fingers trail goosebumps along your skin as he drags them upwards. You gasp into his mouth when his thumbs ghost over your perked nipples, and he pinches them lightly. He pinches them again with a bit more force, causing you to throw your head back and release a throaty moan that’s far too loud. Seonghwa takes it as an opportunity to let his lips trail down to your neck. He sucks softly at the skin, and you know that he’s leaving marks as he goes lower and lower, but you can’t find it in you to care. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bulge in his pants is pressing hard against the inside of his thigh, straining painfully against the fabric around it, and you stretch a hesitant hand down to palm him through his pants. Seonghwa moans around your nipple, lips parting around the skin. The noise spurs you on, and you hasten your movements to press hard against his concealed member. It’s enough to cause Seonghwa to shift, and he suddenly gets to his feet with you still wrapped around him. He twists in and instant and places you flat on your back against the bed as gently as he can. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he stands up straight, you whine at the loss of contact and warmth, but you understand why a moment later because he fiddles with the button of his pants. You mimic his movements and tug at your own pants. Seonghwa grabs your ankles before you can fully get them off though. His pants are gone and forgotten on the floor, and he focuses all his attention on you, slowly pulling the material off to completely expose you to him. He moves to kneel on the bed, but you extend a hand and press it against his hip, a sudden boldness to your actions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I… can I suck you off?” You ask, tone so quiet you can barely hear yourself over the sound of your racing heart. Seonghwa’s jaw stutters a little, but he nods nonetheless and lets you guide him back into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. He groans as you slip off the mattress and between his legs. One hand trails over your forehead and brushes a few loose strands of hair out of the way. Now that you’re face to face with his member, you’re doubting yourself. You don’t do this often for obvious reasons; in fact, you think this might be only the second or third time to do this. Seonghwa keeps brushing over your skin with such gentle and soft touches that it pushes the insecurities to the side for the time being. You reach up to grip his member at the base then lean in to lick a long stripe up his cock. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A hiss leaves Seonghwa at the contact, and you repeat the motion once more before hesitating over his tip. You quickly blink up at him with fluttering lashes. His cheeks are already flushed, and sweat glistens on his skin. Still, his gaze is gentle on you, and you maintain that sweet eye contact as you begin to take his cock into your mouth. Seonghwa breaks the eye contact as your wet heat sinks down further. He throws his head back with a shaky groan, hand falling away from your head to grip the edge of the mattress tight. You hasten your bobs along his cock. His reaction spurs you along, the pretty string of moans escaping him like music to your ears. His hips twitch and jerk, but you can tell he’s holding back and trying to keep from fucking up into your mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-Hold on, hold on, princess,” he stammers out, one hand returning to brush through your hair. You pull off him with a lewd pop and curious eyes. “I don’t wanna cum yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” you exhale and let your hand fall away from his hard cock. Seonghwa brings his fingers to your chin. You lean into the soft touch and bring yourself up again, Seonghwa’s hands guiding you to straddle his lap once more. Your lips brush over his, hot breath fanning your face as he exhales.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you need me to prep you?” He whispers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I j-just want you to fuck me, please,” you plead and drape your arms over the man’s shoulders. He nods against you then reaches a hand down between your hips. You instinctively tighten your grip on him as he guides his cock to your entrance. Your gut coils a little when he pushes against you, but you do your best to relax your muscles to make it easier for the both of you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Relax, princess,” Seonghwa murmurs. His lips ghost over the shell of your ear before traveling lower to nip at the sensitive spot on your neck. He sinks further into you when your body relaxes around him. He bottoms out a moment later, and a breathy whine leaves you. “I’ve got you, princess. You’re okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s so much warmth in his tone, the fire of his presence consuming you, and you shift your hips to bring him deeper in you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck me, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa attaches his lips to your neck again, hands guiding your hips up and down along his cock. You try to help him a bit by bouncing a little on him, but the sensation of him being so deep in you is enough to have you slumping against his body like jelly after a minute. He doesn’t seem to mind one bit though; he just continues to nip and kiss your neck. Every once and a while, he’ll whisper soft praises against your skin. Each word sends shivers down your spine, and you clench around him at the sound of the praise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You know you won’t last long like this, but Seonghwa doesn’t seem to be in a better predicament as he was already close before fucking you. You reach around the back of his head to tug at his hair. He pulls off your neck at the touch and looks you in the eye, brows furrowed in concentration as he continues to thrust into you. Your words die in your throat when you meet his gaze. Instead of speaking, you just lean in and press your lips to his. The gentle touch and soft prodding of his tongue against yours sends an orgasm crashing over you. You whine into his mouth, and Seonghwa just eats the sound up, thrusting into you only two more times before he cums as well. Your muscles fail you in that moment, but you cling to Seonghwa like he’s the only thing you have and ride out your orgasm with him. His lips are on your ear again, whispering and muttering sweet praises, but you can’t hear them through your pleasure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t know how long the two of you remain like that, clinging to each other and sucking in deep breaths of air with foreheads pressed together. The haze finally passes though, and you can hear his words clearly again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a shower?” Seonghwa asks, chest heaving from the exertion. You’re too fucked out to think straight, let alone speak, so you can only manage a few nods. “Am I going to need to carry you over there too?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His teasing remark gives you just enough energy to slap his bicep. He tightens his arms around you and lifts you with ease though, and you settle into his touch as he carries you to the bathroom. You have to reassure him multiple times that’s you’ll be fine showering on your own, but he eventually lets you be and shuts the door to the bathroom to give you a bit of privacy. You don’t take too much time showering, only enough to get the rest of his cum out of you and wash the sweat off your body. Seonghwa left an impressive trail of marks from your collarbone down to your right hip. They vary in shade and color, but are quite visible nonetheless. A slight laugh escapes you as you trail a finger over them, then you shut the water off and step out to grab a towel from the rack. Only once you’ve fully dried off do you realize that he brought in a shirt and pants for you. They’re far too big for you, but it’ll do for the time being or at least until you get back to your own room later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That might be much later than you anticipated, however, because when you step back into Seonghwa’s bedroom, you’re greeted by a sight that has you so stunned that you choke on air. The man – the supposed Elitist at that – has his back to you, and he’s pulling a shirt over his head when you step out. It gives you just enough time to trail your eyes over his bare back and spot a column of black tattoos lining his spine. Directly between his shoulder blades resides an insignia of flames. Aside from that, each and every tattoo is identical to the ones that decorate your own back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holy fuck, no way–” Your voice fails you at the last second, but it’s loud enough for Seonghwa to hear you. He whips around, tugging the shirt all the way down as he looks back at you with wide eyes. “Y-You’re – you – holy shit, y-you’re–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa cuts you off, which is probably a good thing because you can’t come up with a coherent thought anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A Siren. Just like you.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: okay okay OKAY i did it im 5 minutes late but i DID it jfc i didn’t expect it to be so long ;-; but in any case i hope you guys enjoy let me know what you think of this chapter it isn’t my best work but aslkdfjlkdsjf i tried and it’s crucial to the story ;-; so yeehaw woo i would love to hear your thoughts on this one!</p><p>if you would like to, you can take the survey here: http://www.survey-maker.com/Q23TAZCE! you can take it at any point or again if you wanna or you’ve changed your mind, it’s up to you really laskdfjlkdf</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Act Three - Part Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“A Siren. Just like you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If your blood could run any colder, it would, but you think you’re already on the verge of passing out because of the impact of Seonghwa’s revelation. Words die on your tongue, nothing comes out, and all you can do is flit your gaze between Seonghwa and the door off to the left. An exit, a getaway, an opportunity for you to run away from this mess – yet you can’t move a muscle. Seonghwa lifts his hands as though to show you that he means you no harm, but your mind is already running haywire. He must notice your wandering gaze because it’s the first thing he comments on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t stop you from leaving,” he says, tone almost too steady and calm for your liking. Perhaps it’s merely the panic that pumps through your veins like blood though. “This isn’t – I wasn’t going to tell you yet, but we can talk about it now if you’d like. I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do. I promise that you do not have to be afraid of me, Y/N. I’m not going to hurt you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong. Does Hongjoong know?” You spit out the question, the only thing you’re able to get out in the haze of panic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does he know what? About you or me?” Seonghwa tilts his head ever so slightly. His movements are slow and careful, and even in his confusion, you can tell that he’s trying his best to show you that he means you no harm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bo-Both.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A sharp inhale, and Seonghwa looks off to the side. His hesitancy leads you to believe that Hongjoong knows about you, but Seonghwa shakes his head in denial.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He only knows about me, not you. I haven’t told him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long – how long have you known?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been… suspicious since we met. The moment I saw you, I could tell that something was off and different. I couldn’t pinpoint it or figure it out right away.” Seonghwa lets his hands slowly fall back to his sides as he continues to speak, gaze slipping to the floor rather than at you. “Hongjoong truly believes that fate is what brought you onto the ship, and I have to agree with him. There’s no way that you – a Siren – could’ve just waltzed onto the ship without it being fate. Once you woke up from the surgery and we started talking more, I had some doubts and wondered if I was reading into things or misinterpreted something. It wasn’t until we were on Aegos that I was able to confirm it. The night after we found you and San in the warehouse and we were sleeping in the same bed. That’s when I knew.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you see my tattoos? Is that what gave it away?” You draw your arms closer to your body by instinct, hugging yourself tightly as you finally manage to look at Seonghwa’s eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no.” He shakes his head several times before lifting his chin. “It was the Dreamscape. I saw you curled up in the water. The old man pointed me towards you, but as soon as I got close to you, you disappeared.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-Hold on,” you stammer and squeeze your eyes shut. “Slow down, I-I – let me process this for s s-second. I don’t understand what the fuck is going on right now, so j-just give me a minute.” Seonghwa extends a hand to you, but the action only causes a surge of fear to shoot through you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t open up to anyone.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t reveal your identity to anyone.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hide yourself.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You swat his hand away as the words ring in your ears. Seonghwa backs up at your motions, brows knitting together tightly, and he begins to speak again, much slower this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you please sit down with me so I can explain, Y/N?” Seonghwa’s voice is warm, inviting – </span>
  <em>safe </em>
  <span>– and you let your hand stretch out towards him again but with the intent to hold his. His lips twitch into a soft smile, and he slips his hand into yours. The contact is warm and soft. When his fingers intertwine yours, it’s like a wave of comfort washes over you and dispels the panic still rushing through you. He tugs you closer to the bed, climbing up on the mattress and bringing you with him. “I’ll answer any of your questions as best I can. I – I didn’t tell you sooner because I didn’t want to scare you o-or… I don’t know. There’s no proper excuse for it, so I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You fold your legs under you and stare at Seonghwa’s face for several seconds before even contemplating what to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t – I don’t know anything about any of this. I don’t know what the hell th-that Dreamscape you mentioned is, I don’t know what it means to be a Siren, I never learned any of this shit. I only know that I’m a Siren a-and I have some sort of abilities, but I don’t know what it means. I don’t know why I’m a Siren, I don’t know why I have to hide myself, I don’t know any of this shit. I only know that I’m a Siren because the old man in my dreams told me that when I was fourteen. I don’t remember anything before that, I don’t know who I was or what I was, I don’t know if I knew what it means to be a Siren before joining the military, because all those memories are gone now. I j-just don’t understand any of this, and I hate it. I hate not knowing, I hate feeling so fucking confused all the time, and I don’t know what this means or how I’m supposed to feel about any of this. All I’m feeling right now is fucking panic because I’ve been told for the past seven years that no one can fucking know what I am or I’ll f-fucking </span>
  <em>die</em>
  <span>, or some shit like that and–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa stills you, placing a hand over your forearm and gripping you so tight that you nearly wince. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N, try to take deep breaths. It’s okay to be panicked and confused, but you have to breathe, or you’ll start hyperventilating. Okay?” You nod a few times, lips parted as you listen to him. “Okay, just breathe with me for a bit. You’re okay.” His thumb traces small circles over the skin of your forearm as he imitates deep breaths for you. You follow the movements, eyes lingering on the rise and fall of his chest. It works like a charm really – between the methodical touch on your arm and the deep breathing, Seonghwa manages to calm you enough to have coherent thoughts again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa is a Siren. </em>
  <span>Your brain can only produce that thought over and over again like it’s a mantra. As you calm down more, your thoughts start to drift and expand. </span>
  <em>If Seonghwa was lying about being an Elitist, how many of the others are lying about their identities too? Are the military records even correct? Hongjoong never said how many Sirens he had found already. He never specified whether he had found any or not, just that he was hunting them. Why? What’s he hiding? Is he hiding something?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I can start explaining what I know if you’re ready,” Seonghwa says, cutting through your thoughts with ease. You blink up at him and nod a few times. “I’ll start with the Dreamscape. Um, it’s how Sirens are connected. The spirit of the Dreamscape guides Sirens to each other if they’re in the Dreamscape at the same time, which only happens if both are asleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-Is that – is that Daichi? The old man?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes. That’s him. He’s the spirit of the Dreamscape, and he only exists in that space.” Seonghwa takes a breath, and you use it as an opportunity to speak again, a question on your lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When… when I first got on the ship, he warned me – um, he told me to avoid nearby danger. That someone close to me is a dangerous threat, one I’ve not encountered before. Why would he tell me that if he’s supposed to be guiding me to other Sirens?” Seonghwa’s lips draw together, and he shakes his head a few times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daichi wasn’t talking about me. He told me the same thing at one point, but I still haven’t figured out what he meant by that. It was long before you arrived on the ship though, so it can’t have been you. His goal – the spirit of the Dreamscape – his purpose is to guide Sirens to each other in the Dreamscape. For you or me, whenever a Siren is nearby, they go to the Dreamscape together and can meet each other in dreams. Through the Dreamscape, they can learn about each other and know what the other is feeling. Let’s say we were in there together, and I felt happy. You would feel that happiness too, even if you don’t know that I’m there. It’s called a Siren’s Intuition in the real world, where a Siren can sense another’s distress and provide comfort. A sixth sense almost. You have that intuition in both the real world and in the Dreamscape, but the emotions and comfort provided through the Dreamscape is considered to be far more potent and effective than real-world comfort.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it… some sort of connection then?” You inquire, watching Seonghwa’s fingers continue to trail over your skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it is. It’s not some sort of beacon or signal that tells you where to find a Siren though. It’s moreso feeling a pull towards someone. A red string of fate, whatever you want to call it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-hold on, I’m confused. If two Sirens are near each other and asleep, they can visit this Dreamscape together?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. A black lake with a forest around it and a red moon in the sky. Ring a bell?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A dark night sky looms above you with its scattering of bright stars. Near the center of the indigo sea lies a brilliant red moon; bright in it’s blinding color. Something about the scene is familiar, the clearness of the sky reminds you of something from your past. No clouds, no breeze, no sounds of nightlife. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah, I know it. Um, so when we slept next to each other in Echidna, you saw me in the water?” Seonghwa nods in response, tongue darting out to moisten his lips. “Why did I not see you sooner? Surely we would have been asleep at the same time before that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hold on. Let me get something.” Seonghwa pulls away from you, and you find yourself missing the warmth of his touch the second he leaves. He climbs off the bed, moving for a bookshelf along the wall that you hadn’t noticed before. His long fingers trail over each spine along the shelves, and he doesn’t stop until he’s collected three books from the shelf. He brings them back to the bed, placing them in the space between the two of you. You eye his hand as it lingers near your knee. The urge to grab hold of it is very present, but you swallow that desire back and try to focus on his voice instead. “These books explain how the Dreamscape works far better than I could. In general though, you have to be in close proximity with a Siren in order to visit the Dreamscape with them. The exact range of this proximity is confusing and unknown. Sometimes you can both be in the Dreamscape but not see each other. It’s a vastly enormous place, and the forest stretches on and on. When I visit, I’m typically alone, so I’ve spent lots of time just running through the forest as far as I can. Back to the books though. Uh, I used these to learn about Sirens. I didn’t have anyone to teach me while growing up, and like you, I only knew what I was because someone told me. Hongjoong has some books on Sirens as well, so if you want more, you could go to him and ask for them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no. Absolutely not,” you refute immediately. Seonghwa tilts his head to the side at your quick refusal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-He can’t know. He can’t know that I’m – I’m a Siren. I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him, and I still don’t know what he intends to do with Sirens when he gets them. I also j-just need time to process the fact that </span>
  <em>you’re</em>
  <span> a Siren and that this is even happening because I have always been told to hide myself and not trust anyone.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s throat bobs as he swallows roughly, and he maintains his intense stare on you. You find yourself swallowing around nothing as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you’ve been through over the past seven years, Y/N, but I do understand your fears. I was told the same while growing up, told that in real life and in my dreams. Up until I joined the crew. It stopped then, and I know it may not have stopped for you, but I can promise you that Hongjoong does not intend to do anything bad to Sirens. He doesn’t care about killing Sirens or hurting them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly you’re back at the dingy hotel bar in Echidna with the platinum-haired captain beside you, nursing a drink and talking about his intentions and goals.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It is said that five Sirens together can unlock one of the universe’s most secret and valuable treasures, although no man has ever laid eyes on it or lived to tell anyone where the treasure might be. I want it for myself. I want to find it and be the person who lives to tell the tale.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa continues speaking, and you have to shake yourself out of the memory to focus on what he’s saying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve seen what Hongjoong will do to protect his crew. You are part of that crew, Y/N. He will protect you, no matter what. You are not an exception.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because he needs me. He will protect me because he needs me, not because he wants to or cares.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He cares about his crew more than anything else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what would he choose if it came down to choosing his crew or this treasure he’s after? What then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I would hope that Hongjoong would choose the crew, but I simply don’t know.” Seonghwa’s voice turns quiet, a hint of frailty in it that has your stomach churning. You let out a scoff.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not encouragement to tell him what I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s hand moves from the bed to find yours again. Your breath hitches at the sudden touch, his fingers slipping between yours, and he lifts his chin to look you in the eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you afraid of, Y/N? The last time you lost someone, was it because you are a Siren?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N-No,” you stammer, shaking your head a little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know that you don’t trust Hongjoong. I want you to trust him, and I wish that I could help you do that, but you have to be the person who tells him that you’re a Siren. You need to take that step and trust him with that when you’re ready.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I trust you, though.” Seonghwa releases a dry laugh and looks off to the side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t mean that I should be the person to tell Hongjoong what you are. So, I promise you – swear on my life actually – that I will not tell Hongjoong about you being a Siren.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Okay, yeah, I – thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa offers a small smile, his thumb dragging over the back of your hand, and the overwhelming warmth of his actions hits you square in the chest. The flames on his back suddenly make so much sense. Perhaps that’s why everything about him feels so hot and burning, and maybe the only reason you feel so comfortable with him is because he’s been a Siren all this time. It raises another question in your mind, and this time, you aren’t as shy about voicing it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever known another Siren?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have, yeah. Only one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“One of your parents?” You ask, and Seonghwa’s thumb pauses in its motions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, my mother is a Normie, and my father was an Elitist, but I didn’t know him at all. I was the mutation. Got the gene from my maternal grandfather.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mutation,” you echo. “What do you mean by mutation?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sirens can only be born if someone in their bloodline was a Siren. It has to be one of your grandparents though, through second-degree heredity. The gene mutation in a Siren always skips a generation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So… logically, that would mean that it’s possible for there to be more Sirens out there then. More than five, that is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it’s possible if generations have been skipped.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why do they say there’s only five left then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was some mistranslation in some books several years ago. People starting to think that the legends about five Sirens unlocking a treasure meant there were only five left in the universe. It only built up this urgency to get to the treasure with the Sirens or just to have a Siren as a slave to keep others from getting them. The home planet of the Siren race has been ravaged by slavers for so many years that there supposedly aren’t any left.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So Hongjoong just wants the treasure. That’s all it’s about to him? Getting some damn treasure?” You aren’t sure where the sudden bout of anger comes from, maybe the idea that if Hongjoong knew what you are, you would be reduced to nothing but a </span>
  <em>key</em>
  <span> to some damn treasure. Seonghwa’s lips purse then turn into a delicate frown.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He puts up a front. There are two reasons why this is so important and crucial to Hongjoong. One that he’s had long before I met him, the other that came about a year and a half ago. It’s not just about the treasure though, even if it seems like it. Whatever he told you about his intentions was most likely a lie. I like to think that I know Hongjoong better than anyone else, and I know that this is important to him in ways that even I couldn’t understand.” Seonghwa’s expression turns melancholy in an instant. The shift happens so quickly that it could give you whiplash, and it seems so out of place compared to what he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence drapes over the two of you as Seonghwa loses himself further in thought. You don’t know how much time passes, but you don’t want to disturb him, so you just sit tight with your hand still in his. When he finally pulls himself out of thought, he shakes his head and looks up at you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, the books. You can take them. If you have any questions about them, you can ask me. I’ve read them probably hundreds of times by now, and I always have more if you need them. I need to go sign some papers for Hongjoong, if you’ll be alright on your own.” Seonghwa pushes the books closer to you, but his hand doesn’t leave yours quite yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ll manage,” you mutter, letting a small smile come to your lips. “Even though you did quite a number on me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I gave you worse when we sparred,” Seonghwa teases, mimicking your smile. His gaze slips from your face down to where your collarbone peeks out, fully exposed thanks to his shirt fitting loosely on your frame. You know what he’s looking at, and a slight flush rises on his cheeks as you catch him staring. “Well, maybe you’re right. I should’ve done worse though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You shake your head, refusing to let him have the pleasure of seeing you flustered, and release his hand to pick up the books instead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Before you go, Y/N…” Seonghwa calls out. He gets off the bed with you, suddenly towering over you so much that you have to tilt your head back to look at him. “I’m sure you already know, but it’s best if the others don’t know about either of us being a Siren. Hongjoong is the only exception for that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The less people that know means less of a possibility for suspicion. Suppose you’re suddenly going outside the ship with four people around you trying to protect you from harm. In that case, people will notice that you’re someone special. Pirates have a knack for going after special things. Too many people want a Siren, and too many people would go to drastic measures to get one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa lifts a hand. He seems to want to push the few loose strands of hair away from your face, but he stops himself at the last second and forces a smile instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s keep you safe, yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Yunho,” you greet as you step out of your bedroom to find the healer waiting for you on the other side. It’s nothing out of the ordinary or weird; he makes a habit of meeting you before breakfast so you can walk to the mess hall together, and he claims that it’s also an effort to make sure you actually eat throughout the day. He falls into step beside you as you start to walk down the corridor, hands shoved in his pockets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Y/N! Sleep alright?” He tilts his head to the side, and you mimic his motions, shrugging your shirt further up. The marks Seonghwa left are far darker this morning, much more noticeable than you anticipated, and the damn shirt keeps sliding down with even the slightest movements. If Yunho notices your awkward shifting, he decides not to comment on it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I slept well. The medicine helped a lot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was moreso talking about the hickeys on your neck, but that’s great news too!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your heart plummets to your ankles, and Yunho merely grins at you without a care in the world. You duck your head and try to avoid his stare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was it good? Were you safe? Careful? Talk about limits and what’s on or off the table? Sober in the very least?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my – Yunho, don’t ask about it,” you plea. Your whole body burns with embarrassment. If Yunho noticed that easily, then there’s no chance you can hide it from anyone else, so you can just hope that the mess hall is empty this morning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am asking as your doctor. I need to make sure that you aren’t doing anything stupid. Did you use protection?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You press your lips into a thin line and glance over at Yunho. He stares back in silence for a few moments. Then –</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N!” He gasps, smacking your bicep with the backside of his hand. “Do I need to give you basic sex education? Why didn’t you use protection? I know all the crew members are clean, but oh my </span>
  <em>god</em>
  <span>, what were you thinking? What was he thinking? I make sure that everyone has protection just in case so why the hell didn’t he use it? Who was it? I’m gonna yell at him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yunho, </span>
  <em>please</em>
  <span>, this is so embarrassing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the one who fucked someone without protection!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Could you not scream that maybe?” You press your hands over your face as Yunho’s tone grows louder and louder. You didn’t think it was possible to feel any more embarrassed than you do already, but Yunho is swiftly proving you wrong with each passing second. “I’m clean, and it’s not like I can get pregnant anyway, so it’s really not a big issue. I was sterilized a long time ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sterilized? What do you mean?” Yunho’s tone losing all of its teasing nature in an instant. It makes you regret saying anything, especially with the intensity of his stare that won’t leave you. You huff a sigh before elaborating further.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The military tied my tubes when I turned sixteen. They do it to every female.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not the males as well?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They don’t care about men because men don’t get pregnant.” You shrug, more than used to the way the military views and handles their soldiers, but Yunho’s sigh is nothing short of furious. “They can’t have their soldiers getting pregnant, so that’s why they do it. It doesn’t matter if their soldiers get someone else pregnant, because it won’t be their problem. And they need their female soldiers to be able to sleep with anyone on the job without the risk of getting pregnant.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s awful,” Yunho mutters through a frown. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay with it. I’m not someone who wants to get pregnant or have children anyway. My lifestyle simply isn’t suited for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You still should’ve been given a damn choice,” Yunho hisses. Even though you know that his anger isn’t directed at you, you tense upon hearing his harsh tone. “It’s your body and your life, not the military’s. They don’t </span>
  <em>own</em>
  <span> you. The military really has no fucking morals, and neither do whatever doctors operated on you. A good doctor does not operate on any patient without having explicit permission from the patient unless it’s a matter of life or death. But that? You can’t just take away a person’s choice like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They took a lot of my choices away, Yunho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does that make it okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t have a response, and it’s good timing at that because you step into the mess hall. It isn’t empty as you had hoped it would be; Jongho and San sit at one of the tables. You want to curl up into a ball and die, but Yunho places a hand on your back and forces you forward until the two of you reach the edge of the table. Jongho slides closer to San, making room for you to sit down beside him, and you slowly lower yourself to the bench. You tug the collar of your shirt further up but can’t know whether you’ve actually hidden the marks or not. Yunho plops down next to you. He’s back to wearing a smile, but it’s strained and uncomfortable to look at, so the information you shared with him obviously upset him quite a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where is everyone? It’s never this quiet in the mornings.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung is still asleep. Yeosang’s in the training room. No clue where Mingi is, though he’s probably with Hongjoong,” San explains, picking mindlessly at the plate of food in front of him. “Jongho made breakfast this morning, so… be careful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Be careful? The fuck are you saying – I am a great cook!” Jongho crosses his arms over his chest, lips furled into a deep frown, and San avoids his glare by smiling over at you. You return the smile immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as you’re about to open your mouth and say good morning, San’s gaze flits lower. The sudden deadpan of his features tells you that you most definitely did not properly hide the hickeys. He swallows roughly and returns to pushing his food around the plate. Jongho notices the shift in his mood, turning to glance at you as you tug the collar of your shirt up to your chin. The air at the table has just grown exponentially more awkward, even Yunho pauses to take note of the tension. He narrows his eyes at San then back at you, flipping between the two of you several times before a bout of realization seems to hit him and his eyes grow wide.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, this is fucking </span>
  <em>awkward</em>
  <span>,” Jongho remarks through a deep sigh. You twist to smack your fist against his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just made it awkward by saying that!” You hiss through gritted teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit, we forgot to get our food!” Yunho cuts in, a nervous laugh echoing his remark, and he snags you by the sleeve as he gets up again. You let him pull you along until you’ve reached the buffet bar where Jongho has set out breakfast, then tug your sleeve out of his grip. “Who the fuck did you sleep with?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You knew the question was coming, but you still aren’t ready for the confrontation. You dodge Yunho’s prying eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was it Seonghwa?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, it was Seonghwa.” Yunho pulls away from you, mouth agape as he gauges your reaction. Again heat creeps up your neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up and keep quiet,” you mutter. “I don’t want everybody on the fucking ship to know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho lifts a brow. He’s biting his lips to keep from smiling, and his thinly veiled attempts to do so are useless because you can see the laughter in his eyes already. He twists, grabbing an apple from the counter rather than anything Jongho made, then tosses the fruit over to you. He keeps his hand up and points at the start of the trail of marks on your neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was planned. Calculated. Intentional. Clear as day. He definitely put that where someone would see it.” Yunho shakes his head as he grabs another apple, this time for himself. “Damn, so the lieutenant likes marking and is possessive then, huh? Not bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just – Yunho, I can’t stand you. Please just keep quiet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Let me be fascinated by this new information because Lieutenant Stick-Up-His-Ass actually let loose enough to fuck around. That’s practically ground-breaking.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just going to keep my mouth shut and hope that you stop talking,” you grumble out, turning to walk back to the table. Your appetite has certainly gone out the window, but you carry the apple with you anyway. If anything, it gives you something to dig your nails into as Yunho continues talking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen, sex can be great for stress!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the </span>
  <em>fuck</em>
  <span>?” Jongho asks, Yunho’s words carrying over the table as you plop back to the bench.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shush, Jongho. I’m telling her about the importance of sex – </span>
  <em>safe</em>
  <span> sex – as a stress reliever. We’ve all had this talk before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jongho might need to know how sex works first, Yunho,” San remarks. He cracks a smile and swings an elbow into Jongho’s side. For a moment, you think that his discomfort with seeing the hickeys on your neck is completely gone. Jongho throws an elbow back at San.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know how it fucking works!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate it here,” you mutter as you try to hide your face in your arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe next time we’re off the ship, you could think about mingling for a night, Jongho!” Yunho’s tone is far too cheery. He seems to be having the time of his life while you’re barely managing not to die from embarrassment. “Sex is great for health. The hormones and chemicals that are released during sex can temporarily reduce symptoms of stress and anxiety. It makes you happier and can take your mind off other things. If you hit it pretty hard and go a few rounds, it can be good exercise for your body. And! Sex helps you sleep better at night. So look at that? Benefits left and right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>San’s clear and high-pitched laughter resounds through the room, and you push your face further against the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did I hate it here already?” You mutter, voice barely audible over San’s laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do too. I wanna leave,” Jongho sighs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, stop that, you two! I am doing my job as a doctor and providing options for stress relief, so you don’t keep running out and getting hurt. You could be doing something much safer that doesn’t involve guns or knives. And if anyone ever needs any sort of protection, you guys know that I’ve got plenty in the med bay if you run out. I have options too to suit all sizes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You glance up only to scowl at Yunho, and your scowl turns into a full-blown grimace when you notice that he’s making lewd gestures.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop making hand motions when you say shit like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I use my hands when I talk! How can you tell me to not use my hands?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a joke waiting to happen,” Jongho comments. You sit up fully to send a glare his way now, a warning to not make said joke, and Jongho deftly dodges your stare. Everyone has decided to have impeccable timing today, it seems, because as you look at Jongho, you catch sight of Hongjoong and Seonghwa stepping into the mess hall. Mingi walks a little ways behind them, looming over Hongjoong’s shoulder like a tall shadow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can stop talking, Yunho. In fact, you probably should stop talking,” you mutter, slapping Yunho’s arm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you. I am just trying to be a good doctor and give good advice, and this is the treatment I get. No respect. None!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are we talking about?” Hongjoong’s voice cuts through Yunho’s, and you all snap your chins up to look at the captain as he comes closer to the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just sex,” Yunho replies, waving a hand through the air as though it’s totally casual. Hongjoong’s eyes go wide, and he snaps his mouth shut while Seonghwa chokes on air.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind, I would actually rather not know. Changed my mind. We have more important things to talk about anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye aye, Captain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa mentioned that you’re feeling antsy about being cooped up on the ship. The two of us have meetings with some business partners and other captains for the next five or so days. If anyone wants to leave the ship and spend time on the planet over the next few days, they’re more than welcome to. You know the drill on what to do while out there already, but you’ve all earned some time off.” Hongjoong glances down at Yunho. A soft smile paints his lips, a moment of gentleness that you rarely see in the cruel captain, and Yunho blinks back with his mouth agape.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“T-Thank you, Captain,” he stutters back after a moment of silence. Hongjoong shakes his head and drops a hand to Yunho’s shoulder. There’s an unspoken exchange there, no words needed, and when Hongjoong pulls back, Yunho has a smile stretched over his lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jongho, I’ve got something for you and Mingi, if you have a minute,” Hongjoong says. Jongho nods and stands up, patting your back a little as he goes, and suddenly you’re left with just San and Yunho. You didn’t even see Seonghwa slip away, but it’s probably for the best that you didn’t because you don’t think you could look him in the eye out of sheer embarrassment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A Siren. Just like you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then there’s that, which is significantly less awkward and shouldn’t change anything between the two of you. You tried to read through one of the books he gave you last night, and while it did explain the whole bloodline and gene mutation part, you didn’t learn much that Seonghwa hadn’t told you when you spoke. Perhaps the little nagging part in the back of your mind just wants to sit and listen to Seonghwa explain it all instead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you two want to come with me to town? I’m itching to get off the ship.” Yunho turns to you, glancing over at San out the corner of his eye as he speaks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I’m already dressed to go now, if you two are,” San responds, sitting up straight and pushing his tray of food further towards the center of the table. “We really need to get a better cook or teach Jongho how to properly cook.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eh, I mean, it looks half-burnt. Better than fully burnt, right?” Yunho eyes the food with a grimace on his face. He’s being kind at best when he says it’s only half-burnt, because it definitely looks wholly burnt to you. “What about you, Y/N? You down?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah, sure,” you relent with a shaky sigh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It’s fine. It’ll be fine. Yunho and San will be there. They’ll keep you safe. It’s only a small town. The military isn’t here. It is going to be just fine.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your confidence about going outside the ship is dropping by the second, especially as the three of you start walking towards the main airlock. You can’t shake the overwhelming tsunami of anxiety that hits you all at once. Yunho grabs hold of your sleeve and tugs you back a little. San continues to walk on even when you and Yunho slow your pace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m happy you decided to come along, Y/N,” Yunho says, a soft smile playing at his lips. “This is a huge step so, I’m proud. You’re doing well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I’m proud.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You’re doing well.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t provide the comfort that Yunho is aiming for, but you don’t want him to feel bad about it, so you plaster a smile across your lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For now, I just want you to try relaxing and enjoying yourself as best you can.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try,” you reply. Yunho beams back at you. The sight of his smile provides far more comfort than his words did. You watch him jog to catch up with San and sling an arm around the shorter man’s shoulders, a laugh bursting through his lips. Too much is happening all at once, but it finally hits you that maybe sleeping with Seonghwa the first time wasn’t the best idea. You already </span>
  <em>knew</em>
  <span> that, but it really smacks you in the chest with the force of a typhoon now because as you look at San’s back, all you can envision is the conflicted expression that crossed his features when he saw the marks along your neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Needless to say, you don’t pay attention to the town or Yunho once you finally get there. You most certainly are not relaxing or enjoying yourself, because thoughts of San consume you. You can admit that the scenery of the small town is nice and quaint. No guards or military in sight either, which provides a tremendous amount of relief, but every passing glance causes anxiety to bubble in your gut more and more. Yunho carries on without a care in the world, flitting from stall to stall and looking at everything under the sun. San humors him a bit by commenting on some of the things Yunho picks up, but after a while, San falls into step with you and walks beside you in silence. Even like this, it’s quite obvious that the two of you are holding each other at arm’s length and refusing to commit to anything. That bothers you more than it should.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With Seonghwa, everything seems to flow and go smoothly. From the minute you met, it’s been that way. Perhaps it can all be boiled down to the fact that you’re both Sirens, and that is what makes your relationship feel so comfortable and simple. But with San, you can’t catch a break. You know you are primarily at fault for that, because it’s your decisions that have caused this heightened awkwardness right now. More than that though, it’s so difficult to get past your head with San. You know he’s in the same predicament himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>San is the one who breaks the silence between the two of you. He waits until you’ve made a resting spot of a random bench that looks out into the town’s square. Yunho is still in sight; he wanders around with wide eyes and a smile, perfectly content on his own as he talks to the townspeople. San shifts beside you but maintains the awkward distance between your bodies on the bench.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-You shouldn’t… uh, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or awkward about sleeping with anyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, he had to start a conversation there. You squeeze your eyes shut. San’s gaze is on you – the sheer intensity of it practically burns your skin – but you can’t bring yourself to look back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s perfectly natural, and something that used to happen on a daily basis back when the crew was bigger.” Except, San’s tone won’t commit. He’s holding back, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible when you both know that he doesn’t truly think it’s okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” you spit out without any further hesitation. You snap your eyes open and look over at San. His lips are parted in shock, tongue dragging over the corner of his lips before he recovers and closes his mouth again. You continue. “I know that I was looking for some way to cope with what happened in Echidna b-but that doesn’t mean I should’ve done that or asked him to do that. I – uh, I feel guilty for leading you on in a way. I shouldn’t have done that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>San forces a smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes, and seeing that is almost worse than the deadpan look he gave you earlier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have no expectations when it comes to you, Y/N,” he whispers, tone hardly audible over the din of the town. “I know what we are and what we aren’t. And I know that in the long run, I wouldn’t be good for you. I’m hardly good for you short term as it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You dart a hand out to grab his wrist, fingers closing around the skin. San inhales sharply and looks down at your hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not true, San.” He shakes his head even as you speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to feel guilty, and I don’t want to make you feel like you’ve done something wrong. In my eyes, you haven’t. If I could go back in time, I would prevent that kiss. At the moment, it felt nice, and I thought it’s what I wanted and needed. But it was something else. I know it isn’t what you intended for it to be, but I meant for it to be a goodbye kiss. Even though I didn’t deserve it, I thought I could be selfish and take that much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A goodbye kiss?” You echo. The pit in your stomach grows larger by the second. “What do you mean by goodbye, San?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be a downer on our day off,” he says as he tugs his wrist away from you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“San.” He dares to look over at you. “San, when you went to the warehouse,… was your intention to d-die?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The soft-sided and melancholy smile that blossoms over his lips is one that will haunt you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was at peace with it because I thought it was the only way out of the guilt and the pain. And then – then you showed up, then you were in a chair across from me, and I couldn’t let you die. I couldn’t die because you were there. Because I needed to protect you and save you. I didn’t want to tell you when we talked about it the first time because I felt – felt like a failure and weak for thinking that that was my only option. Like I manipulated you in some way or made you pity me for what I went through. And that the only reason you opened up to me or kissed me was because I tricked you into doing so. Even admitting it now, it feels like some sort of emotional manipulation. Before you say anything, I know it’s not. My brain just won’t let me accept it. I’m working through it with Yunho; I see Yunho every day, and we talk about how I’m feeling. But… I feel bad for leaving things awkward between us, I don’t want to drag you down or slow whatever progress you have by not being able to progress myself. So when I say that you shouldn’t feel guilty for sleeping with someone, I mean it. I was never expecting anything beyond a goodbye kiss, yet you let me live. We both have things to work through, but because of what we went through together, we can’t work through it together. At least not right now. I really don’t have any expectations of you. I just have a lot for myself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…” Your voice dies too soon, and even though you know what you want to say, it’s so difficult to get it out. You blink at the street under your feet, taking a deep heave of air before trying to speak again. “Not once did I ever feel like you were manipulating me. I never pitied you for what you went through. You didn’t trick me into doing or saying anything. It was all by choice, and it was all </span>
  <em>my</em>
  <span> choice. I see myself in you really. And now that Cara is dead, I’m afraid to face you because I’m afraid to see you become the person that I became. Maybe somehow, I think that just by being near you, I’ll turn you into who I am now. I-I hate myself so much that it hurts to think about you becoming that or seeing yourself that way. If I can’t save myself, then I at least want to save you. I’ve lost too many people to lose you too. And some part of me thinks that if I push you away, it’ll do some good or do something to save you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>San releases a dry laugh, head thrown back, and he blinks up at the cloudy grey sky above your heads. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We really are the same,” he murmurs. He tilts his head and looks you in the eye. You still completely under his stare. “It may be selfish, but I don’t want you to push me away. I would rather be hurt and still have you in my life rather than to be perfectly fine without you.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hI im here oasdmfaisgjiogj geez this one took longer than expect mostly bc the outline was longer than expected and aaaaaaaa im not as confident in this one as i usually am but i hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless ;-;</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Act Three - Part Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything feels almost too calm. There is a sense of serenity surrounding the lake tonight, and you can’t place it, but you imagine it must have something to do with the man sitting cross-legged across from you. He bears white garments like you, soaked through on the bottoms, and you keep cracking an eye open to gauge his expression. His eyelids are pressed shut, but there’s no tension in his brow. Peace. He’s at peace. That’s not something you have felt all too often while here, so it’s strange to see Seonghwa that way. The stillness of his face gives you a chance to drag your gaze over his features; the sharp curve of his jaw, gentle slope of his nose and lips, and the long eyelashes that nearly brush against his cheeks.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Close your eyes.” He catches you off-guard, mostly because his eyes are still shut when he says the words. You press your lips into a small frown, lower lip pouting out, but squeeze your eyes shut anyway. “There’s no reason to make a face.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You dare to crack an eye open, finding Seonghwa’s gaze on you now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ve told you to focus four times now. You keep getting distracted. Do I need to wear a mask? Is my face that distracting?” Seonghwa teases. He lifts his chin a little as he blinks at you. His gaze is innocent, but you know he’s well aware of what he’s doing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What’s the point of all this again? Isn’t it taking away from our sleep?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seonghwa clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth and shakes his head ever so slightly. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s the Dreamscape for a reason. Your body is resting even if your mind is awake in here, so technically, you’re still sleeping.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You really wish there was some way to kick him in the real world. Maybe if you glare at him hard enough it’ll work—just a quick kick. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why are you giving me that face?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hm?” You purse your lips and lift your brows, desperately trying to hide your growing smile. Seonghwa just huffs a sigh out in response, followed by another order to focus more.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re still smiling when you press your palms against the bed of the shallow lake. The pebbles underneath are smooth against your skin, and you almost lose yourself in the sensation when Seonghwa’s voice cuts through the air again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Imagine the water being pushed away from your hands. Don’t think of it as </span>
  </em>
  <span>you</span>
  <em>
    <span> doing the pushing, let the water do the work.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seonghwa makes it sound so easy, but the longer you sit there, the more you realize that absolutely nothing is going to happen. You only try for a couple of minutes before giving up and tugging your hands back out of the water.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Maybe I’m not a Siren after all.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seonghwa releases a loud laugh, head falling back as he snorts towards the sky.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nice try. Don’t play coy, and try again. Most Sirens have the ability to do this.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Emphasis on most.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You seem to be above average. I mean, you’re above average in other… departments, so I’m sure it carries over.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Above average? Excuse you, I would like to think that I am far above average in </span>
  </em>
  <span>other</span>
  <em>
    <span> departments!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I was talking about sparring, princess. Where is your mind headed?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I hate you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sure you do. Now, come on. I just want to see how strong you are mentally because that’s what these abilities are based upon. It’s all psychic, not physical.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ve done it before… used whatever these abilities are. Changing something about my body, I don’t know what, but making bullets pass through me without hitting me? Only when my life is being threatened though.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seonghwa squints a bit at you. He is suspiciously quiet, and you’re about to question him when he stands up all of a sudden. He closes the distance between the two of you in an instant, fingers latching onto your throat. You choke at the impact and fall back to the rocks.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Th-This isn’t as s-sexy as you think it is,” you mutter as you bring a hand up to grip Seonghwa’s wrist. Seonghwa lets another laugh loose, this one much quieter than the last, and his fingers tighten a tad.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If your life has to be threatened just to see the extent of your powers, then I can do that.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“G-God, you’re insufferable.” You aren’t sure why he would think that choking you is the best way to get you to focus, because all you can think about is how damn hard it is to breathe instead. Still, you press your palms flat against the rocks once more and desperately try to push the water away. It hits in that moment, a sense of familiarity and deja vu, and your mind slips back into a memory rather than the pull of the water on your fingertips.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The breath leaves your lungs, and you gasp for air, cradling your bleeding nose with careful fingers. Her knees drop onto your abdomen while her hands go for your throat. You try to swat her hands away from you with the bloodied hand, but she seems to have even more strength than before. You stretch a hand out to her sternum, trying to reach for the cloak over her skin. The lack of air is making your head spin though, and you can’t focus enough to use your abilities on her. Your fingers tremble and shake against her clothes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fucking… work. Come on. Just fucking phase.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spots dance on the edge of your vision, and your hand falls to your side limply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The last time you were in this position, you weren’t able to do anything. You couldn’t defend yourself. Your fingers tighten on the pebbles. Then the pressure of Seonghwa’s grip dissipates, and you jerk upwards, gasping for air.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good job!” His tone is bright and cheerful, like he didn’t just try to choke you into unconsciousness. You would laugh if you weren’t still attempting to catch your breath.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you congratulating me on almost dying?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh hush, you’re fine. I barely choked you. You pushed the water away though. It didn’t last a long time, but that isn’t as important. You still managed to do it, which means you at least have the ability. Now we can move onto tr–”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Hello, Y/N, are you there? Did I lose your brain somewhere?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” You speak before your brain catches up, the vivid memory of the previous night dissipating bit by bit until you remember that you are in fact awake and not still in the Dreamscape with Seonghwa. Long fingers snap in front of your face. You jolt a little and turn to the man at your side, his peach hair blending in a bit with the sky around his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been off in la-la land for a while now,” Yunho chuckles. His smile is soft as he looks down at you, and you can almost sense a cheeky comment coming, so you speak before he has the chance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was lost in thought and thinking of other things, that’s all,” you say through a sigh. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That much is obvious, but there’s no need to be sorry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pull your stare off Yunho and glance around the little marketplace again. San isn’t with the two of you today – something about staying back to help Jongho and Mingi run some maintenance checks on the ship – but you aren’t alone. Wooyoung and Yeosang came along today, and you can only be grateful that Yeosang is too preoccupied with Wooyoung to sling insults your way. The pair keeps a significant distance from you and Yunho; they walk along the row of stalls on the other side of the street, Wooyoung’s arm linked through Yeosang’s. He has something in his hand, though you can’t tell what it is from this distance. All you can see is Wooyoung wrapping said item around Yeosang’s wrist, then a clear and bright laugh falls from his lips, one you can hear from across the road. Yeosang smiles down at the action, teeth flashing, and the action looks so foreign on Yeosang’s features that you glare at the man a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn, I’ve never seen someone look so bitter at the sight of happiness,” Yunho snorts, drawing your attention back to him. A scoff slips past your lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like that. I just don’t understand Yeosang.” Yunho seems to understand what you mean, nodding slightly as he hums in response. His gaze trails over to where Wooyoung and Yeosang stand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang is complicated and hard to understand. You shouldn’t take it personally. He hates everyone at first, then he continues to act like he hates them to save face and seem tough. Plus, he’s bitter that you’re a better shot than he is. His pride is weak in that regard. Besides, no one is as close as Yeosang and Wooyoung are. They’re basically family at this point, had no one but each other for a long time before joining the crew. They bring out the best in each other, so of course, Wooyoung will bring out the softer side of Yeosang.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t respond, just letting a sigh slip through, and Yunho smiles a bit at your reply or lack thereof. He comes to a sudden halt and releases a noise of surprise. For a moment, you think that something has happened to either Yeosang or Wooyoung, but Yunho is faced in the opposite direction, towards a small stall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N, Y/N, come here!” He ushers you closer to the stall, hand around your bicep, and points down at something that looks like a plant. “They have hyacinth root! It’s extremely rare. I’m surprised that they have it. Excuse me – could we have a handful of your hyacinth roots?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s so important about a root?” You inquire as the person behind the stall begins to pick out a few of the plants.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can crush them up with peppermint leaves to create a paste that, when consumed, will slow your heart rate but keep you alive. It makes you seem dead when in actuality, you aren’t. It typically lasts between seven and ten minutes. Good for getaways or dupes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever used it before?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Once, yeah. Hongjoong had a mission somewhere in the Yuki system, but it was so long ago that I can’t really remember where we were. Not too long after I joined the crew actually. Hongjoong came to me with the root and told me to make the concoction. That was the first I’d heard of it. It’s always handy to keep a few around in case of emergencies, especially since they’re hard to come by, but I haven’t been able to find any for quite some time now.” You watch Yunho quietly exchange money with the vendor and take the bag of roots. He pulls away from the stall after a few moments and softly spoken thanks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The silence that follows isn’t uncomfortable in any sense, but your thoughts won’t quiet down enough to let you relax. Every lingering stare from the townspeople makes you second-guess yourself, and they aren’t exactly shy about looking at you or Yunho as they walk past.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I have a question,” you say after a few minutes. “I talked with Jongho about it before, but I wanted to ask about Mingi. From your perspective, is it… is it possible to undo the mental conditioning he went through?” Part of you is genuinely curious about Mingi’s condition and what Yunho thinks about it, but you’re also asking for yourself. If it were up to you, you would erase every lingering touch of the military and push it all out of your mind. If Yunho knows of a way to do that, then you want it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s very possible,” Yunho hums. “Just like undoing what the military did to you.” You open your mouth to protest, but there’s no use because Yunho just shifts and smiles at you. The smile is knowing and understanding, like he’s picked your brain apart in seconds. “Everything is reversible except for death, right? Mingi is just a tough nut to crack. He wants to learn and understand emotions, but he doesn’t want to let go of what tethers him to the part of him that misunderstands and can’t process emotions like you or me. He wants to abandon his title as the Brute of Kebos, but he doesn’t want to completely lose that part of him. It’s a hard dichotomy to dissect. Hating yourself but clinging to what makes you the thing you hate. Not once have I ever heard him call himself the Brute of Kebos. So… I think that the only way to break him loose of those chains is to have something like a rebirth. A rebirth of the Brute of Kebos, a new version, one different than the last.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why isn’t he allowed off the ship? Is it because we’re on Kebos? Is Hongjoong worried that there will be another incident?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho freezes, head snapping towards you so fast that it looks painful. His lips part, but no sound comes out for several seconds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know about that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I – uh, Jongho just m-mentioned it. He didn’t tell me anything, only that there was an incident.” Yunho’s hand closes tight around your arm again, this time much more painful than the last. It almost burns, and you had no idea that Yunho was this strong until now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t ask about it,” he hisses out through gritted teeth. You’ve never seen this expression on his face, this gleam in his eyes. He doesn’t seem angry in the slightest, and that’s what sends your thoughts into a scramble. Merely sad. “That’s between you and Hongjoong if you want to talk about it, and it’s on him to tell you about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay, yeah, um, I’ll drop it,” you stammer out, averting your eyes, so you don’t have to see Yunho’s pained expression any longer. “We can… we can try to confront a bit of my trauma now like – like you’d wanted to do.” Yunho’s hand falls away from your arm, but the ache continues to reside, and you bring your other hand up to rub at the skin there. Yunho notices your movements, expression falling into guilt. “Yunho?” You press, desperate to just change the damn subject now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah, sorry, let’s get started. First, can you tell me some things that comfort you? Things to think about if you’re feeling panicked or anxious? A sight, smell, taste, sound, feel.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A soft-sided grin, rounded cheeks, and bright eyes. You don’t even ask for the image to come to mind, yet it does as soon as Yunho mentions comfort. You’re frantic as you try to push the thought away and replace it with something else that comforts you, but everything you think of surrounds Jisung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, the stars on a clear night.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisung.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The smell of cherry wood and sugar.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisung.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sound of fire crackling.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisung.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The feel of a-a rough hand in – in mine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisung.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The taste of honey… and vanilla on soft lips.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisung.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your voice trails off and dies in a whisper. The heat of Yunho’s stare is on you. Out the corner of your eye, you spot the barest hint of a smile on his lips, but it disappears when he speaks again, tone quieter to match yours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Think about the last time you were here. Do you remember it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vague. It’s vague and foggy. A cold night. Stars. Warm fire. Even warmer next to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yes.” You nod.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you recall it for me? It doesn’t have to be detailed; you can only tell me if you want. Whatever you want to tell me and are comfortable telling me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I last came here with a friend on business. One of my teammates, someone in my unit. Just the two of us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Three constellations. The ones I taught you last time. Come on! If you name them all, I’ll give you something.” Jisung’s laugh is clear as it rings through the air, so loud and bright that it could dispel every cloud in the sky. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh yeah? What are you gonna give me?” You roll your eyes ever so slightly. Only enough for Jisung to see it and scoff at your gesture, and he sits up to hit your arm with the back of his hand. You laugh, hair sprawled out across the ground. Jisung hesitates there. His expression melts, and his gaze is so gentle and full of emotion that you feel a deep pang in your chest. “S-Stop looking at me like that. It’s weird.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisung doesn’t respond right away; instead, he leans down over you and blocks your view of the sky. All you see in that moment is him. You exhale, breath fogging in the air between you, and Jisung dips in to press his lips against yours. Soft lips. The taste of honey and vanilla. Stars hanging high in the sky. Jisung’s calloused hand reaching out and finding yours. Cherry wood and sugar on your nose. A fire crackling behind you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I decided to betray the military on that trip. I thought it would protect him. That I was doing it for him. He hated the military more than anything, but it was the only thing he – we had. I thought I could dismantle them on my own. I was so stupid and foolish to think that I could.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Has this all been for him then? The papers as well?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. No, the papers were for someone else. The friend I came here with is still alive, at least I think he is. I haven’t – haven’t seen him or heard from him in three years.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who are the papers for then?” Yunho’s tone isn’t pressing; it’s hesitant and cautious, yet it somehow still urges you to answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I lost someone the night I killed the king. That’s who the papers are for.” You dare to glance up at Yunho. Maybe it’s an attempt to see if there’s disgust or hatred on his face, but his brows are furrowed and sloped with concern instead. His lips part to say something in response. A loud shout interrupts him before he gets the chance though. The two of you whip around to find the source of the sound. It’s Wooyoung, hand raised high in the air as he drags Yeosang along with him and approaches you and Yunho.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! We need to go!” Wooyoung says, tone loud even when he gets close to you. “Lieutenant just called me over the comms. He said we need to get back to the ship as fast as possible.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did something happen?” Yunho asks, but Wooyoung merely shakes his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t know. He didn’t say. He sounded mad though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit, let’s go then.” Yunho is quick to spin on his heel and start walking back the way you came. To your surprise, Yeosang pulls away from Wooyoung to fall into step with Yunho instead, and you stay back with Wooyoung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He really didn’t explain anything?” You ask, tilting your head to look at the dark-haired man. Wooyoung purses his lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, he didn’t. But if he’s upset, then that means Captain is going to be a nightmare to deal with.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know it. When Seonghwa is this mad, Hongjoong is always ten times worse.” Wooyoung turns away, bringing a hand up to rub at the skin under his collar, and you watch the movements with nervous eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-Has he–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” Wooyoung doesn’t let you finish the thought, but he seems to know what’s on your mind. He drops his hand to his side again. “He’s never hurt me, and he never will. It just reminds me of my previous own–captains. My previous captains. I don’t do well when any of the crew gets upset or angry because of that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh,” you exhale. It almost sounds like a noise of relief. Wooyoung doesn’t push the conversation further, and neither do you, so the two of you trail after Yeosang and Yunho in silence until you reach the hangar where the ship resides. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa is waiting for you there, just outside the airlock. Wooyoung was correct – he looks upset based upon the way the muscles in his face are tightened and drawn together, but also because of his rigid posture.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You all need to go to the bridge immediately,” he says, not waiting for you to get close before speaking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can’t I drop this off first?” Yunho asks as he lifts his satchel off his hip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t a recommendation, Yunho. It was a command. Bridge, now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho doesn’t even try to argue. He dips his head and follows Yeosang onto the ship. You and Wooyoung move to do the same, but Seonghwa catches Wooyuong by the arm as he’s climbing the stairs to the airlock.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright? Did anyone bother you in the town?” Seonghwa’s tone slips back to its regular warmth and soft concern.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m okay. No one bothered me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa offers a small nod, tongue darting out to moisten his lips before he lets Wooyoung continue onto the ship. The lieutenant falls into step with you as you climb the stairs behind Wooyoung, but he doesn’t speak at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? You’re not gonna ask me if I’m okay?” You inquire, tone teasing and light. Seonghwa doesn’t respond with his regular mirth or teasing though.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you can handle yourself just fine,” he mutters back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong is upset.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Wooyoung asks, turning around to face the two of you. Seonghwa clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, shaking his head back and forth a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eavesdropping is bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have I ever really been good though?” Wooyoung lets out a quiet laugh and rubs the back of his neck. It’s meant to be a lighthearted joke, probably to get Seonghwa to loosen up a little, but Seonghwa doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The lead died.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did the trail die or the Siren?” Wooyoung asks, hand falling away from his neck as his expression grows more serious. A sigh slips past Seonghwa’s lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The lead who was supposed to be here has been dead for thirty years. It was bad information and a dupe to cover tracks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” Wooyoung’s mood deflates before your eyes. His shoulders slump forward a little, and he faces forward again. Seonghwa frowns at his back before continuing to speak to you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong is furious. It would be best if we all just bite our tongues no matter what so he doesn’t lash out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like a good idea,” Wooyoung murmurs. Something about the whole situation doesn’t feel quite right though, nor does it sit well with you. You harden your gaze on Seonghwa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it really true? About the Siren?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think I would lie to Wooyoung?” Seonghwa barely shifts to look at you, a sharp glare that makes his face almost unrecognizable landing on you. His eyes and tone are colder than they’ve ever been with you, and it’s enough to make you regret even opening your mouth. You near the bridge feeling worse than before, Seonghwa’s angered presence lingering at your side as he continues to walk alongside you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Actually stepping onto the bridge somehow makes your heart plummet further. The air is tenser than you can imagine, and you’re bringing up the rear with Seonghwa apparently, because everyone else already stands in front of the captain’s chair looking both uncomfortable and nervous. You round the edge of the chair to find Hongjoong sitting there. He seems calm more than anything else, hair a new shade of blue and laying loosely over his forehead. It makes him seem younger and more innocent, but the gleam in his eyes shows how furious he truly is. Seonghwa moves to stand beside him, whereas you hurry to stand alongside Wooyoung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“During one of our meetings today, a captain of one of our allied crews showed us some obituaries and news reports concerning the Siren we were led to believe was here. That Siren has apparently been dead for nearly thirty years. The lead I was given was a dupe, which means that my information broker is a traitor and working for someone else.” Hongjoong somehow manages to maintain a steady and flat tone. His nostrils flare a bit with each word, so it’s evident that he’s on the brink of letting the anger slip through.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You glance down the line of the crew to find Jongho and Mingi, gauging their reactions to Hongjoong’s spike in anger. Jongho seems to be just fine; his expression is blank, and he looks at Hongjoong like nothing is wrong. Mingi, on the other hand, can’t stop shifting his weight from foot to foot. His brows are so closely knit that you can barely see the skin between them, and he won’t look up from the floor. You aren’t the only one who notices the discomfort Mingi is going through. Seonghwa tilts his head towards Hongjoong, speaking quietly, but thanks to the silence lingering over the rest of the bridge, you all can hear his words loud and clear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Calm down.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s the wrong thing to say apparently, because Hongjoong pushes up from his seat and stares Seonghwa down like the man just shot him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why should I calm down when we’re running out of fucking time?” Hongjoong yells, voice booming through the room in a shocking way. “When we’ve been wasting time on a damn false lead because we were betrayed yet again? What part of me should be fucking calm then? How long until someone fucking sells us out?” He expects an answer from Seonghwa, but the man doesn’t provide one. Instead, he huffs air through his teeth and steps closer to Hongjoong. His fingers close around the collar of Hongjoong’s long brown coat, tugging him forward just enough to hiss his next words in the captain’s face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should be calm because Mingi is present.” Seonghwa pushes Hongjoong away from him, and the shorter man falls back to his chair with little to no reaction. He looks down at the floor, avoiding everyone’s wide-eyed stares while Seonghwa turns to address the crew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everyone is dismissed,” he states, tone as flat as he can manage. Yunho is the first to move, then Yeosang, who places a hand on Wooyoung’s hip and guides him off the bridge. Jongho follows without a word, yet Mingi doesn’t move. He hasn’t budged one bit, still in the same position he was in before. “Everyone is dismissed, Mingi. That includes you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sharply spoken command spurs Mingi to move. He nods once, but the movement is stilted and awkward, before following Jongho off the bridge. You find yourself in a similar position to the one Mingi was just in. Your feet don’t want to move, and you can’t get yourself to even turn your head away from Seonghwa and Hongjoong. The lieutenant shifts to look at you. Your heart pounds against the confines of your ribcage. A hand brushes your lower back, and you nearly jump out of your skin because you hadn’t seen anyone come up behind you. San blinks back at you, nudging you forward a little. You take the hint and let him guide you off the bridge.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You looked scared shitless,” he mutters once you’re out of earshot of Hongjoong and Seonghwa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just a bit surprised,” you whisper back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t see Hongjoong like that often. In fact, it’s been well over a year since he seemed that angry.” San doesn’t elaborate past that. You don’t ask him too either, too caught up in the thought of Hongjoong’s unprecedented anger. San’s hand stays on your back throughout the walk back to your rooms, but you don’t speak. It leaves you alone with your thoughts, which are a jumbled mess of confusion at this point between all that’s happened today. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And at the forefront of it all? Jisung. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You just want to pour your heart out to someone and get it all off your chest, everything you remember starting from the minute you joined the military up until the assassination of the king. You want to get it off your chest; you’re sick of bottling it up and not being able to talk about it. You don’t know why you’re thinking that way all of a sudden. You’ve spent so long thinking about yourself and how you can’t be vulnerable or weak in front of anyone. The hand on your back remains. The slightest pressure against your skin, guiding you and pushing you forward. It’s merely driving you down the corridor, yet it feels like more than that. San could’ve moved his hand at any point, but he didn’t, and you only realize why when you reach the door to your room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wants to comfort you. To show you that he is here for you even if you fail to realize it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As his hand slips away from your back, you twist and catch his wrist between your fingers. San blinks at you with wide eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I t-think – I think I’m ready to tell you about my past in the military,” you spit out in a rush. It’s a miracle you only stuttered a couple of times because your heart is pounding and making your heart rate accelerate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to,” San whispers, obviously caught off-guard. “I don’t want you to feel like I expect that from you. Because I don’t. I meant what I said yesterday.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. I just – I want to trust you. I mean, I trust you. I do. I trust you, and I want to trust you with this as well.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>San’s face melts into a soft smile. “Okay. Is it alright if I come in?” He motions towards your door, and you nod quickly, tapping at the keypad to let him in. He waits for you to step through the door first then follows you to the bed. He sits as far away from you as he can without falling off the mattress, hand pressed to the comforter between you. You expected some level of awkwardness or tension to come from this conversation. While you’re panicked and nervous about exposing this part of you, San’s warm and intense gaze does nothing but ease your worries.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You… you don’t really know much about me aside from the fact that I killed the King of Eros, and that I’m trying to pardon someone.” You bring your hands into your lap, tugging at the skin around your thumbnail to avoid looking at San. “I joined the military at 14.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Recruit number seventeen. Name and age?” A cold tone that tears through your skin and confidence with its iciness, and yet you pull your shoulders back and stand up a little straighter. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“L/N Y/N, age 14.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think th-that something happened then because I can’t remember my life before going to the recruitment office. I don’t know if they… if they did something to me or – I just don’t know, but I wasn’t fit to be a recruit. They took me anyway because they needed recruits. I was small and weak. I got injured more often than other people, and no one ever tried to help me because I was a runt. I was thrown into a small unit of only six people. All of us were young and misfits, kids who didn’t fit the military mold, and they never expected much from us.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Alright, we’re the mess of recruits, okay? They lumped us together because they think we’ll fail, but we won’t! So we gotta prove them wrong, little lady. Understood?” The boy jabs his thumb at his chest as he says the words, smile falling to emphasize his serious tone. You nod several times in response.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The only thing I was ever good at was shooting. So… I dedicated everything I had to being the best at shooting. It paid off, of course. They never moved me from my team though, because no other commander wanted me in their unit, but I shot up in ranks and quickly became known for being the best sniper in the division. Somehow that turned into being the best shooter in the military of Eros. I never wanted that title, and I never wanted them to like me. I don’t know why I joined in all honesty. They must’ve taken that away from me when I joined, but eventually it became a desire to protect my team. They became my family. Then I ruined it. I stole some classified documents that could’ve destroyed the military from the inside out, but I got caught. Branded a traitor and stuck in jail for what I did. They weren’t going to kill me then though. One of my friends came to visit me in jail and promised to fix things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jisung.” You glance at the man, his face slightly shrouded by the steel bars between you. “Jisung, I–”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I thought we were gonna work through this together, Y/N.” The stinging of his disappointment almost hurts worse than the brand on the inside of your wrist. If you could twist them, you would, but the cuffs around your wrists prevent you from doing so.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know…” You can’t finish your train of thought. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I, uh, I don’t know what I was going to say. I don’t know what to say.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry, Jisung.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Four years. I don’t want it to end like this.” Jisung shakes his head a little bit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“They aren’t going to kill me. Just – just the brand a-and being kicked out of the military.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m going to fix this, Y/N. They can’t – this isn’t right. I won’t let them do this.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jisung, you can’t – they – the damage is already done.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Then they’ll have to kill me. I won’t let them do this. Not to you, Y/N. You can’t ask me to sit on the sidelines this time.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Once I was let out, they expected me to leave and never come back. That’s what I was planning to do, but I found out that one of my teammates told the king that he had organized everything. The theft, the plans to dismantle the military, even claimed that he plotted to kill the king. It wasn’t true at the time, but it didn’t matter. He earned a public execution sentence for it. Because of me. Because I thought I could fix things and make it better for my team. Instead, I got our leader killed. They all blamed me except for one, and that was almost worse. I would’ve rather had them all hate me than have one defend me. They all left Eros as soon as they could. Didn’t even wait for the execution. I stayed and went back to the palace where the execution was being held with the intention of stopping it. I was going to shoot the king before they killed my friend. I thought it was meant to be penance for what I caused. To take away the guilt I was feeling and redeem myself. Then they killed him, and I was too late. I hesitated. He died. So I killed the king and left. I should’ve taken my gun with me, but I left it. I was t-too emotional to remember to grab it. They picked up the traces of my fingerprints and traced it back to me. So yeah… there’s my sob story.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You exhale shakily. Now that it’s all out there, you feel light and airy. Almost like you’re floating, but not in a good or happy way. Next thing you know, San is pulling you against his chest, and your face collides with his shoulder as he wraps a hand around the back of your head. The action causes a choked sob to slip out. Neither of you were expecting the sound, and you didn’t even feel the tears in your eyes until San pulled you against him. Shaky hands move to grip the back of his shirt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you still blame yourself,” he murmurs against your hair. “I can tell. At some point, you have to face the truth though, Y/N. And the truth is that you did not make those choices for whoever your friend was. He made those choices, and he alone made them. It sounds like he made them because he cared about you as much as you cared about him. Enough to die for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“B-But I… I didn’t – I didn’t die for him. I should’ve told the truth. I should’ve sacrificed myself. I d-didn’t,” you cry, blinking against San’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did sacrifice for him. That’s not something that you should blame yourself for because it’s not your fault. I’ll remind you of that every single day if I have to. Until you believe it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because it’s what you deserve, Y/N. It’s what you deserve.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ahahsdfjkhaskjdfs im late but here oh my god i didn’t expect it to take so long i even cut 1k out of the outline and moved it to shorten yet aslfidjiosdfj here we are welp anyway i hope you guys enjoy and let me know what you think of this one 🤧</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Act Three - Part Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warning: depictions of an explosion in this chapter, as well as short mention of torture. please read with caution</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You’re off the ship again today. Despite Hongjoong’s near breakdown yesterday, Seonghwa dropped by early in the morning to say that everyone had a day off to relax and recover. He and Hongjoong still had meetings to take care of, so even with Hongjoong’s insistence about a lack of time, he can’t do anything about it quite yet. Not until the end of his meetings today at least. Yunho was the only person excited to hear the news, and that’s only because he wanted to drag you out by the heels to visit the capital today. Something about seeing that festival he had mentioned to you before and showing you all the beautiful things Reinig has to offer? Said man is currently speaking to you, but his words go in one ear and out the other. You don’t intend to blatantly ignore him; something else occupies your attention, and that’s the white flakes falling from the sky. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some would probably be surprised to hear it, but you’ve never actually seen snow in person. Rain, hail, lightning three feet from where you’re standing – never snow. It’s something fascinating to you. The way it clings to the mask that’s tugged up over your nose and ghosts over your bare arms. It was probably a mistake to wear a sleeveless shirt, but you had to find a turtleneck that could cover the marks Seonghwa left along your neck days ago, and this was the only thing you had left in your drawers. Maybe it’s time to ask Jongho to wash your clothes for you again, but you had to do a full week of scrubbing the pots and pans he cooked burnt meals with, and that was a new form of torture in and of itself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone – or something – catches hold of your hand, and you jerk to look up at Yunho despite him being on the opposite side of you. He blinks back with wide and confused eyes for several seconds before you realize that he’s not the one holding you. When you shift to the look to your right, it’s Wooyoung who smiles at you, his lips stretched wide and flashing his toothy grin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You looked a bit conflicted,” he says, tugging you forward and away from Yunho. The healer releases a small sigh but doesn’t stop Wooyoung from pulling you further into the streets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking about cleaning the dishes again,” you admit, and even though it sounds like a lie, it truly isn’t. Wooyoung scoffs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t remind me. It’s my week to take a knife to the pan and chip off the burnt food.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, maybe if you chuck the pans out the airlock, no one will notice?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jongho will whine about his precious pots and pans being gone. Since – what is it he says? The burnt bits give the food flavor?” Wooyoung grimaces a little, shaking his head. He still has a hold on your wrist, and you glance down to try to insinuate your discomfort with the prolonged touch. Something catches your eye before you can voice the discomfort though, and that’s a simple beaded bracelet over his tanned skin. You’ve never seen him wearing it before; the green and blue intertwined threads unfamiliar to you, along with the small beads running over the thread. Wooyoung catches your lingering stare and tugs his hand away from yours quickly. A breathy laugh falls from his lips. When he faces forward, you glance back to where Yunho walks alongside Yeosang, your stare settling on the latter of the two. He stares right back at you, lips set in a thin line. Rather than meeting that stare, you drop your gaze to his wrist and find what you assumed would be there. The same bracelet that Wooyoung has, only wrapped around his right wrist and not his left like Wooyoung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, uh–” You start as you look back towards Wooyoung, but he cuts you off before you can finish the thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a charm for protection and good health,” he says under his breath. He gnaws at his lower lip, looking suddenly self-conscious and shy about the bracelets. “I was only gonna get one for Yeo, but… he got one for me too. Just in case.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just in case,” you repeat. There’s no inquiry in your tone, but Wooyoung takes it as a question anyway and continues to explain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He just wants to protect me. He’d do anything to keep me safe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The two of you are really close then?” You already know the answer to that question, so you aren’t sure what comes over you or why you need to ask it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course we are,” Wooyoung answers. His tone grows quiet, and there’s the faintest hint of a smile over his lips as he speaks again. “Before joining the crew, Yeosang was all I had, and I was all Yeosang had.” You squint at the man, eyes darting over the block of metal around his neck, then back at Yeosang, who doesn’t bear the same adornment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh-Why doesn’t he – you know, have… one like you?” You point to your own neck rather than Wooyoung’s, but the man understands what you mean regardless. Wooyoung’s smile melts into a gentle frown. Not in a way that shows any signs of discomfort or anger, rather just a frown where Wooyoung looks to the side and thinks for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang had one at some point after he left the military and was branded a traitor, yeah. In order for me to break him out of jail, there was a cost. And that cost was me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh… What did you do?” Wooyoung merely shrugs at first. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The only thing I knew. I sold myself to free Yeosang. Freed only to be thrown back into slavery. Almost ironic, huh? But Yeo got dragged down with me and made a slave too, so… my plan backfired, I suppose.” You have more questions, more things on your mind, and more you want to know, but Wooyoung shuts that down in an instant without you even saying anything. “I’d like to forget those memories for now though, if that’s okay with you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N-No, yeah. Um, yes, yeah, that’s fine.” Wooyoung nods back at you, a grateful smile playing at his lips, and you smile back even though he can’t see the grin behind your mask. The two of you stay beside each other despite the silence, and it isn’t anything uncomfortable – at least not for the time being. That is until Wooyoung tugs you towards a small stall near the edge of the road. You tug your mask down to take a deep breath of air and look over the contents in front of you. You pay no attention to the man behind the stall, just focusing on what Wooyoung is trying to direct you to, but the merchant’s voice pulls you away from Wooyoung’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, aren’t you something special?” His eyes are too warm as they graze over your features. You respond with a sharp glare rather than words. “Your friend has a collar, but you don’t. Well-behaved, is it? You there, the blond! How much for the runt?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The word hits you square in the chest, and you aren’t even sure why. The memory that hits you a second later explains it, but the feeling that washes over you makes you wish it had stayed in the dark.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Fucking runt.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A searing pain across your cheek. You can’t even look up at the officer who struck you, tears burning the corners of your ears, and all you can do it stare at the dirt in defeat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t touch her!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jisung. Jisung? Why did Jisung come? This was your mission, not his.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Jisu– no!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The hand that just struck you comes down on Jisung next, knocking him to the ground with too much ease. It sends Jisung sprawling, and his body looks too much like a ragdoll for your liking. He sits up a second later, eyes flashing with rage. Blood trickles from his lip and browbone – a bit of the droplets catching on his long eyelashes – and he stares forward at the officer.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I said don’t fucking touch her. You don’t own her, and she doesn’t belong to you. So hands off, you piece of shit.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s not for sale.” It takes a second for you to realize that the voice is real and not in your head, not Jisung’s, and when you glance up, it’s Yeosang who stands beside you. He glares forward at the merchant, hand pressed against the gun in his thigh holster. “And she’s not a slave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If only it were that easy and the man weren’t so adamant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, come now. Don’t be shy! I’ll treat her well.” His hand darts out faster than you expect, and you brace yourself for an impact that never comes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said she’s not a slave. Is that not clear to you?” You crack an eye open to look forward. Wooyoung has his hand in front of your face, blocking your line of sight with the merchant, and his gaze is so intensely melancholic that you freeze under it in an instant. His hand comes down gently on the side of your head. His lip waves up and down, a sign that he wants to say something, and he’s </span>
  <em>trying</em>
  <span> to say something but nothing comes out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll offer triple the usual price for a female! Especially since she seems to have some meat on her bones! Double for the boy if he can handle some prostitution work too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll fucking </span>
  <em>murd</em>
  <span>–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh no! It’s okay. Really not for sale. No deal, no bargain!” Yunho interrupts as he pushes his way in front of Yeosang before the man can pull his pistol out. His hand closes around Yeosang’s right arm, reaching all the way around his body to grab onto him and keep him from moving further. “Neither of them are for sale, but thank you. We’ll just be going now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho’s lips stretch into a tight smile, one that doesn’t reach his eyes, and he pushes Yeosang further away from the stall before the merchant can make any further remarks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should’ve let me ki–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And cause a commotion? No. It’s fine. He didn’t touch either Y/N or Wooyoung, right?” Yunho shifts to look at the two of you, Wooyoung’s hand still pressed oddly against the side of your head. You turn to Yunho and pull away from Wooyoung, his hand slipping out and falling uselessly by his side. Yunho keeps waiting for a response from one of you, and you finally shake your head in denial. “See? Everything is fine, Yeosang.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang doesn’t appear to believe the same. He brushes Yunho’s touch off and moves further into the streets. Wooyoung doesn’t even hesitate – he chases after the blond on quick feet, hand slipping into his with little effort and resistance, and their steps align. Yunho comes up along your side, one of his large hands folding over yours. You flinch at the suddenness of his touch and jerk your head to face him. He smiles back at you, grin soft around the edges, and his fingers slip between yours. He must notice the hints of confusion in your stare because he speaks up before squeezing your hand tighter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa said this has helped you relax and calm down some before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh,” you exhale with a small nod. You’re tempted to ask what else Seonghwa has told him – the nagging panic of wondering whether Seonghwa mentioned anything about your identity – but you keep your mouth shut and decide not to say anything else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look like you didn’t get any rest,” Yunho notes as he starts tugging you along the streets. Your first instinct is to draw closer to his side, shoulder brushing his arm and your hands trapped between your thighs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A nightmare kept me up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You figured someone would ask about your haggard appearance and dark circles eventually, but you don’t particularly want to revisit the dream you had the night before. You have no idea where Seonghwa was last night; you didn’t see him after leaving the bridge. It would be a lie to say that you didn’t watch your door and wait to hear a knock on the other side, but it never came and you fell asleep alone. His presence was sorely missed in the Dreamscape. Your past’s ghosts refused to leave you alone, though you should’ve known something was wrong because of the way the moon was shrouded by dark and looming clouds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk about it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Running. The memories of the dream are hazy, but you remember running through a dark forest as voices followed. All asking why you were running, but you don’t even know why you were either. And then Jisung appeared before you. He looked as though he hadn’t changed one bit in the past few years, with his gentle and rounded features and a soft smile sent your way, but that crumbled into a frown.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why do you keep running from the past? From me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You have yet to think about what that means. You aren’t even sure what you’re running from because it used to be an attempt to keep everyone out of your life rather than in it. Now that seems to have morphed into something else entirely, but what that something else is exactly still eludes you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not even sure what it means,” you admit, bringing your free hand up to tug your mask back over your nose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except you think you do have an idea of what it means. Jisung’s confrontation in your dream sent you to the ground, except when you fell, there was no ground to catch you and you entered a freefall. The moon was suddenly before you, and you were falling from its red abyss, tumbling through the air with no direction or reason until you hit the black lake with a thud and a splash. You rolled onto your hands and knees, staring down into the water only to find that the reflection looking back at you wasn’t your own. It was Hyunwoo. And the second you saw him, your hands moved on their own and came to close around his throat, pushing him under the water. No matter how much you screamed for it to stop, it never did. And once he was dead under your hands, he looked up at you and blamed you for his death. So yes, you think you have an idea of what that dream meant, and the growing pit of guilt in your gut only furthers your suspicions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, if and when you’re ready to talk about it, I’m always here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need a better hobby,” you scoff, eyes scanning the streets as Yunho continues to tug you along.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately, my hobby is to make sure none of you keel over and die from exhaustion, so you get to deal with me a little while longer because of that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Disappointing.” You huff out a sigh again and glance up at the sky to watch the snowflakes fall from a new perspective. Against the glittering lights of the festival, the snow seems so bright and cheery. Warm, almost, despite its naturally cold state. The shouts and yells surrounding you aren’t ones of panic or pain either; all hold a joy and happiness that feels a bit foreign to you. You squeeze Yunho’s hand tighter as though it’ll provide some comfort, and it does when he returns the squeeze with one of his own. “You said… your mother used to bring you here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Yunho replies, a soft smile playing at his lips. “There’s always lots of families here. Like… one calm day in the year.” He pauses to look down at you. “It’s nice to come here with the family I got to choose and not the one I was given.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s…” You trail off, unsure of where you were going with the train of thought, but Yunho speaks again after a moment and saves you from having to talk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I noticed San leaving your room last night. Are the two of you on better terms now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we’re doing fine, I suppose. I, uh, I-I told him about my t-time in the military.” Yunho’s smile stretches wider, and he just stares at you without saying anything for several seconds. “Why the hell do you look like that? It’s so weird. Why do you have to do that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just proud! You’re opening up. I’m glad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s because of you,” you mutter, turning your head away from Yunho, so you don’t have to see any arrogance across his features.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you! I said thank you,” you grumble. The heat of embarrassment hits your neck and creeps up your cheeks, and you know Yunho is looking at you, but you still try to avoid his stare. “I’m grateful that you’ve been patient with me even when I know I’m difficult.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could say that again, yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up and let me finish.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, damn. No need to get aggressive!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m grateful for San and his stupid big heart too. And for Seonghwa and–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That dick?” Yunho cuts in, a loud laugh tearing through his chest. You swing your free hand up to smack his shoulder. “Ow!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop that!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay!” He laughs as he shies away from another half-hearted swing from you. “But are you grateful for it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, shut up. I’m grateful that he’s there to comfort me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With that dick?” Yunho teases again. “Listen, Y/N. Everyone has their coping mechanisms. There’s no need to be ashamed if the Lieutenant’s dick is yours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Say one more word, and I am going to put my fist through your face.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho scoffs at your response. “So much for gratitude!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You open your mouth to respond, but a loud shout cuts you off, which sounds quite different from the typical mirthful ones you hear around you. No, this one is full of rage and anguish, and Yunho picks up on it as well. You both turn to find the source of the sound. As you move, Yunho tugs you closer to his side as though he’s expecting the worst.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hold on,” he mumbles before pulling you closer to the yelling. A woman comes into view, standing atop a rickety wooden box and holding a large and crudely painted sign. The message on it is more than apparent. The insignia of the military of Aurum with a red smear through the middle, the same emblem you used to bear on your lapel. Her voice becomes loud and clear the closer you get to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do not trust your military so blindly! Listen to my words and hear me with your own child at your sides and in your arms!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You’re hit out of the blue with a sudden and violent flashback, a memory you don’t even recall having.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Strong arms yanking you forward, fingers closed around your bicep. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The military steals them!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Weak cries for help and attempts to pull away. A cold chair against your back, then the touch of rough leather straps coming over your wrists and ankles. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Takes your children and brainwashes them with no hesitation or guilt!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Writhing and kicking to get out of the chair, only to be hit across the temple with a sharp jab. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Steals all their memories and makes them cruel and unfeeling soldiers!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A stab of a needle, a syringe going into your skin, a strange blue liquid being pushed into you. Warmth, then the feeling of your blood turning to ice.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They stole my son when he was only fourteen. Took him from my grasp and wiped away all his memories of me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your mouth forced open and something being shoved deep inside. Red. So much red. Hands coming down on your head. Then – nothing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You grab for Yunho, moving your hand from his to cling to his forearm desperately. He looks back at you with wide eyes and rests a hand atop yours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I… they – they did that to me, Yunho. I th-think they took my memories away.” The crowd around the woman is getting larger by the second, disgruntled rumblings among them. Yunho glances over to where Yeosang and Wooyoung wandered off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need to get you out of here. If anyone recognizes you, there will be trouble. Same with Yeosang. And if a riot breaks out, we won’t be alone for much longer, and the military will be forced to come in. Come on.” Yunho tugs your arm lightly and tries to shoulder his way through the crowd for both of you. You do your best to stay close to him, hand still wrapped around his arm, but a sudden blast tears you away from him in seconds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It happens too quickly for you to process what exactly happened. All you know is that you are no longer beside Yunho, ears ringing and echoing with shouts of unrest and pain. You pull yourself up to look around. The people who were just standing have been flung to the ground, and the small box where the old woman stood is gone. She is gone as well, but you don’t make an effort to look for her in favor of finding Yunho’s distinctly colored head of hair. The ringing in your ears bleeds out and lets the yells and screams come into focus.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Death to the kingdom!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Death to the enemy!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You yank your mask down to gasp for fresh air, but the searing pain of smoke fills your lungs instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N!” Yunho appears before you looking none the worse for wear aside from a bit of dirt over his forehead. “Come on. We have to go right now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” You ask as he helps you to your feet. You try not to look at the bodies around you, unsure of which are alive and which are not, and the cries aren’t helping ease your concerns in the slightest. Your mind drifts back to Yeosang and Wooyoung. “Where are Yeosang and Wooyoung?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a riot. People tend to get… violent like this, but I’ve never known them to leave bombs or traps like that. Especially on innocent civilians. That woman – s-she did this. The bomb was under her box. Why? What problems does violence solve?” Yunho shakes his head, looking off towards the spot where that woman was standing before. He tugs his satchel forward and goes to open the front flap. “I need to help these people.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No! No, Yunho, we have to go,” you insist. “If we try to stay, we’ll get caught or die.” Yunho’s breath catches in his throat, then a deep sigh slips out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, yeah. We need to find Yeosang and Wooyoung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Could they have already gone back to the ship too?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but… if one of them is hurt — no, no. Let’s head back. They’re okay, I can feel it. They’ve got to be.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You feel around your thigh in search of your pistol, but the weapon is gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t find my gun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, it’s fine. You won’t need it. If we move now, no one should stop us.” Yunho drops a hand to your back, pressing between your shoulder blades and pushing you forward. “We just need to keep moving.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You imagine this is harder on Yunho than it is on you. Those suspicions are confirmed when you see how he continues to cling to his satchel full of emergency supplies. The pressure against your back never lets up for a second, and it seems to be the only thing keeping him grounded for the time being. He was right though; all the civilians around you are too busy and panicked to be looking at you, and you think that you’re in the clear until you near the ship’s docking hangar.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You there! Don’t move!” Yunho freezes before you do, and his hand falls away from your shoulder to grasp at the gun strapped to his thigh. The man before you seems too ordinary to be a soldier, but he holds up a gun as he steps in front of the two of you. The hangar isn’t too far away behind him; if you make a break for it, you might be able to escape him with little issue. “You’re awfully stupid to be walking around with that mask not on your face.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes a moment for you to realize that he’s speaking to you. The thug shifts the pistol to your head, and you stare down the barrel to look into his dark eyes. You only see him for a few seconds. Yunho steps in front of you after that, blocking your line of sight and the pistol’s target. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You must be mistaken. We’re just trying to get back to our ship.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll shoot you too if you dare take a step further!” The thug snaps, pistol clicking as he shifts the gun to Yunho. You lean to look past Yunho’s broad shoulders and eye the thug with a wary gaze. Yunho is slow in his movements, but he pulls his own pistol out, aiming it at the thug in return.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Move, or else you’ll lose your life,” he threatens, voice deceptively flat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not a chance. She’s got a fat bounty on her head. Dead or alive. I’m taking her in dead.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho shifts his hand and clears his throat. The gleam in his eyes is threatening, and you would be afraid to be in the thug’s position if not for the way Yunho’s hand trembles. He can’t hold the gun still, shaking fingers trying and failing to tighten around the trigger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go. I don’t want to kill you,” Yunho hisses out through gritted teeth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you stupid? I’m not going anywhere!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take the damn shot, Yunho,” you plea, pressing a hand against Yunho’s shoulder. Despite your words, Yunho still doesn’t move his finger. You would admire his determination and resolve if it wasn’t your life and his on the line. Thus, you push forward and wrap your hand around Yunho’s. He lets the gun slip into your hand, and within a second, you shoot the thug point blank between the eyes. A choked noise leaves Yunho’s lips, but you merely turn back to him and pass the pistol back to him. He won’t look at you, hands still frozen in place. The gun hangs loosely from his fingers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-He – you… you didn’t ha-have to k-ki–” Yunho can’t finish the sentence. You don’t wait for him to either, snatching the gun back from his hands and shoving it into your thigh holster.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did you want me to do? Give him the benefit of the doubt? He said he would kill us, Yunho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I could’ve – we could’ve ta-talked him down and–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what? Don’t be foolish, Yunho. There was no other option. Your job may be to save people, but mine… mine is to kill them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shot him. You </span>
  <em>shot</em>
  <span> him. K-Killed him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And? I protected </span>
  <em>you</em>
  <span>, didn’t I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah, yeah. You did. Thank you.” You want to console Yunho more, help him be less shaken up somehow, but you don’t get the chance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Guys!” It’s Wooyoung’s voice that breaches your ears, and you’re glad to hear it. Any more encounters with thugs like this one might break Yunho. You shift to look towards the source of Wooyoung’s voice. He has Yeosang’s arm draped over his shoulders, holding tight onto his hand with one of his own, and the blond seems to be on the verge of unconsciousness. It’s enough to kick Yunho’s ass back into gear. He rushes over to the pair and hurries to lift Yeosang off Wooyoung’s shoulders and onto his own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened? Yeosang, can you hear me? Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We were hit by the blast,” Yeosang grits out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang jumped in front of me just as the explosion went off. He dislocated his shoulder coming down, but I put it back in place. He’s a little battered and bruised, but that’s all,” Wooyoung explains, chest heaving a bit. Sweat pours from his brow, and it’s evident that he’s been carrying the brunt of Yeosang’s weight the whole way back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help him onto the ship, okay? Let’s get going.” Yunho tugs Yeosang forward and hoists him up a bit to carry him better. You linger by Wooyoung’s side, eyes following Yunho and Yeosang as they walk along, and Wooyoung does the same for a while. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” You ask once the silence between you grows unbearable. “Did you get hurt?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N-No,” Wooyoung stutters, shaking his head a few times. “Yeosang blocked me from the blast. I don’t even have a scratch.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I meant mentally.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um, yeah. Just a bit shaken up. That was too close for my liking.” You press your lips into a frown but opt not to say anything else, focusing on the ground in front of you as the two of you follow Yunho and Yeosang to the ship. “Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The question catches you a bit off-guard. You try not to let it show, but your breath catches on saliva when you open your mouth to respond, and you choke on spit. You cough through it, Wooyoung’s worried gaze causing a surge of embarrassment to rush through you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, yeah. Maybe a little smoke in my lungs, but that’s it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t talking about the explosion.” Your brows knit together in confusion. “When we were at the stall with the merchant… you – I noticed the look on your face. You were afraid that he was going to hit you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“T-That? It was nothing. Just a gut reaction.” Wooyoung whips his head towards you, and his hand darts out to close around your wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A gut reaction doesn’t look like that. I recognized it, Y/N. From my tim–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop. Don’t… don’t press me for answers. You won’t get any.” You were never a slave. Have never been one and never will be. But something about the way Wooyoung looks at you makes you feel like you were. Because as much as you don’t want to admit it, you were afraid of the merchant striking you after calling you a runt. Wooyoung thankfully falls into silence after that, and his grip on your arm leaves as well. You stare forward at Yunho’s back rather than looking over to Wooyoung. That silence persists even after you climb back onto the ship. No one is there to greet you – not that you were expecting it, but it’s at least nice to know there wasn’t any sort of emergency while you were gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m taking Yeosang to the medbay to check his shoulder and make sure there’s no further damage,” Yunho announces, glancing back over his shoulder at you and Wooyoung. You merely offer a nod in response, but Wooyoung moves forward to press against Yeosang’s side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll come with.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Woo.” Yunho offers a small smile of reassurance, then looks back at you as though waiting for you to say something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just gonna shower and get cleaned up. Go ahead.” You watch them walk down the corridor without moving, only shaking yourself out of your thoughts and following after them once they round the corner. Now that the adrenaline is wearing off, the exhaustion is settling into your bones. There’s a bit of dirt and blood on your hands, though the blood isn’t yours, and you have no idea where it came from either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn, you look like shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You lift your chin upon hearing the voice, not even noticing the heavy steps of the people approaching you until they’re right in front of you. Jongho and San stand before you. Both bear concerned expressions complete with knitted brows and slight frowns, so you try to reassure them with a lopsided grin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel like it too,” you joke. Jongho huffs out a laugh, but the concern doesn’t leave his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell happened? And where are the others?” He asks, arms coming to rest over his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was a bit of an explosion in the marketplace.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Yeosang got hurt, but Yunho has him in the medbay. Wooyoung went with them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit, how bad? No, wait, nevermind. I’ll go check in on him right now.” Jongho turns on his heel and walks back in the direction he must’ve come from, off towards the medbay. San glances at him out the corner of his eye but doesn’t move to follow, remaining in front of you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks after a breath of silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” you insist with a sharp nod of your head. He reaches out to you all of a sudden, hand coming to rest on the side of your head. You aren’t sure what he’s doing, but it’s just like what Wooyoung did to you outside the stall with that merchant. The gesture feels completely different with San though. An attempt for comfort and not one that’s defensive as Wooyoung’s was. Seconds later, you are being pulled against his chest, and he drapes his arms over your shoulders to cling tighter to your body. The suddenness of the hug causes your breath to catch, but you settle against him when a light laugh hits your ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What would’ve happened if you died out there?” He asks, the lightness and mirth leaving his voice in an instant. “And I wasn’t there to be with you. What would I have done if you died before I told you how much I care about you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your heart clenches painfully in your chest. The words choke you and take the breath out of your lungs with little to no effort. San just continues to push the invisible knife further into your chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m scared. Each step closer feels like ten steps apart. I fear that by the end of this, one of us will be gone. But… I want to cling to you for however long I can,” he whispers against the shell of your ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I just – I don’t know who I am,” you mutter back, trying to keep your voice quiet, so it doesn’t break. “The more I – the more I learn about myself, and the more I remember, the less I feel like I know myself. The bounties, the reports, the tales they tell about me – they all say that I’m strong, dangerous, cold-hearted, unapologetic. But I just feel like I’m broken glass that’s been put back together the wrong way.” San huffs out another laugh against your skin, and it causes a quick chill to run up your spine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I’ll take you apart and put you back together the right way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Careful, Choi San. I might believe you can do it.” You fall quiet for a few moments, words catching in your throat, and when you speak again, you sound much more fragile than you like. “Thank you. I know I don’t know it well or often but… I am really grateful for you. And you’re the only reason why I’m still here and alive. So, yeah, I’m grateful for it and for you. While I still don’t feel like I deserve it, I’m grateful that you care about me because it makes me feel needed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong and Seonghwa found me as a thief. The others found me as a weapon, as Spectre. But you found me as San. I’m still trying to figure out who that San is and what it means, but for once, I think — I think I have an opportunity to be saved.” The warmth of his lips touches the side of your head a moment later. You squeeze your arms a bit tighter around his torso. You think he’s going to say something else, but he doesn’t get the chance. Somewhere behind you, someone clears their throat. You pull back from San in an instant and turn to face the person, finding Seonghwa’s tall form several feet away. The expression on his features is unreadable, but you aren’t sure you want to try and figure it out anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to interrupt, but… Hongjoong asked to see you on the bridge, Y/N.” A breath of hesitation, just long enough to cause a spike of anxiety in your gut. “Alone.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello guys ;-; i missed yall so much. im sorry this is coming out later than usual; life really kicked my ass this week between a whole mess of public stuff and personal stuff i dealt with for the past few days. i'm feeling better now but still not 100% so please be patient with me as i heal some 🥺 in any case, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter, the next one is the end of act three! we've got so much more to come and i can't wait for it :c</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Act Three - Part Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Sorry to interrupt, but… Hongjoong asked to see you on the bridge, Y/N.” A breath of hesitation, just long enough to cause a spike of anxiety in your gut. “Alone.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” San says, tone not shifting in the slightest. He nods at Seonghwa before stepping away from you. His hand lingers on your arm a breath too long, and when you meet his gaze, the eyes looking back at you are filled with… something. You can’t read it or understand it, but you don’t have much of an opportunity to do so anyway. Instead, you let San move back and head in the opposite direction, turning to face Seonghwa once San’s back is to you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” You ask before Seonghwa can say anything. He shakes his head ever so slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just follow me first.” You do as told even though the steps are difficult to take. Dealing with Hongjoong feels like dealing with some rabid beast. You can’t understand his line of thinking or the way he operates, haven’t spent enough time with him to figure him out. He could be planning to kill you for all you know. Seonghwa’s presence at your side helps a minimal amount, but it does nothing to ease the anxiety bubbling in your gut. One thing nags at the edge of your thoughts, and you hate to think about it because you want to trust Seonghwa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why does he want to see me?” You ask, voice small and quiet. “Is it — does he know about… you know?” It hurts to say even though you’re merely alluding to the bigger picture. You </span>
  <em>want</em>
  <span> to trust Seonghwa. His steps falter and come to a halt. You pause beside him, eyes searching his face for any sign of an answer that his voice won’t give. Instead, his hands find your shoulders and push you back until your back hits the wall. It isn’t rough or forceful; his touch is light, and he moves you like you’re a piece of glass on the verge of breaking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promised that I would never tell Hongjoong,” Seonghwa says as he brings his chin down to look you in the eye. The gaze behind those eyes is too intense for a moment. You dip your chin and look away before it burns you. Soft fingers trail up your bare arm, leaving a path of electric shocks against your skin, and Seonghwa only stops when his fingers brush your chin. He lifts your head a little, and you’re forced to meet his gaze again. “Why do you think I did?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can’t come up with an answer fast enough. All you manage to do is sputter and stammer your way through incoherent thoughts and random words that attempt to explain why you don’t trust him, but Seonghwa silences you by cupping your face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I made you a promise, Y/N. I intend to keep it. It’s on you to believe it. Until you do, I will keep saying it, but I can’t force you to trust me more than you already have.” You nod against his touch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s lips twist into a soft smile. His touch lingers. It isn’t uncomfortable, but you can’t understand what’s going through his mind as he continues to look over your face in silence. A small sigh slips past his mouth. Then his breath invades yours, and warmth cascades over you. It’s sudden and brief, but you find yourself chasing his lips the moment he pulls away. You couldn’t explain why even if you tried. Your hands fly up to clasp around the back of Seonghwa’s neck and tug him back down to you again. He releases a faint noise of surprise, but he meets you halfway, hands bracing on the wall behind you. He stops it too soon this time. Probably for the best, seeing as Hongjoong is apparently waiting for you. Seonghwa lets a half-hearted laugh out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for being greedy,” he murmurs, bringing a hand off the wall to thumb over your cheek again. “I just didn’t want — nevermind. You shouldn’t keep Hongjoong waiting. I’ll be in the training room if you need me. Hongjoong just has a few questions for you, nothing too serious, so don’t worry too much, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about? Is something wrong? Why aren’t you coming as well? Shouldn’t you be there as the lieutenant?” The questions tumble from your lips in a rush, almost slurring together as you spit them out, and Seonghwa grins at the barrage of questions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All he wants to talk about is some military-related things, as far as I’m aware. Nothing about Sirens, unless you choose to bring it up. He truly did ask to see you alone, and even as Lieutenant, there are some conversations I won’t intrude upon unless my captain asks me to do so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” you exhale. “I’ll just get going then.” Seonghwa pulls back from the wall, letting you out from the cage his arms had around you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can come by my room after if you’d like, either to talk about it or… destress.” The playfulness returns to his eyes. You release a loud scoff.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just say that you want to get in my pants and go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa rolls his eyes a bit, but you can tell he’s not too bothered because of the smile that stretches across his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll save that for later. Right now, I just want to make sure you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am,” you insist with a sharp nod. Seonghwa doesn’t voice his doubts. You see them in his eyes nonetheless and turn away before the inclination to tell him anything and everything hits. If he watches you walk away, you don’t know because you’re trying your best not to look over your shoulder as you continue down the corridor, this time alone. The weight of reality sinks in when Seonghwa’s presence at your side dissipates. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong wants to talk to you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>About military-related things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How much effort will you have to put in to keep from having a damn breakdown in front of him? You can’t very well grab hold of his arm to ground you, but without anyone else present, what are you supposed to do?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your fists clench tight by your side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe this is some sort of test. Perhaps he sees you as fragile and volatile, and he wants to test you to see how bad it actually is. That could be what he’s planning. He’ll probe you for information on your past to see how long it takes for you to break. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When you step onto the bridge, Hongjoong is across the room, standing before the observation window with his arms crossed over his chest. There’s nothing out there except the darkness of the hanger around the ship, so you aren’t quite sure why he’s standing there of all places. You don’t feel the need to ask him why though, more focused on the person at his side. It’s Mingi’s tall form beside him. Broad shoulders and taut muscles rippling through his shirt that leave a bad taste in your mouth. You wonder how long it would take for him to choke you to death if you so much as breathe the wrong way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You muster up the courage to clear your throat, only feeling secure in the action because of how far away Mingi is. Hongjoong shifts and glances back at you. Blue strands of hair fold over his forehead, parted down the middle to expose a bit of the skin underneath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mingi, you’re dismissed,” he orders. The tone he uses is flat and void of emotion, much to your dismay, because you were hoping to at least pick up on his current mood to know what to expect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you certain, Captain?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong smiles a bit, gaze soft as he looks up at Mingi. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes, Mingi. You’re free to go. Get some rest. You’ve been up for a long time, yeah?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingi doesn’t return the smile, but Hongjoong doesn’t seem to expect anything. The Berserker merely nods and bows at the waist a bit before turning to where you stand. He doesn’t look at you, and you’re grateful for it. There’s still an obscene amount of panic running through your body when he walks past you to leave the bridge. If Mingi picks up on it, he doesn’t show it, face and body stoic as he passes you. You keep your eyes set on Hongjoong. The captain watches Mingi, gaze almost melancholic in away, but once the man is out of sight, he shifts to look at you. He gives a quick beckoning motion, and your feet move on their own, bringing you closer until you stand right beside him at the observation window. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a moment, there is complete and utter silence between you. Then –</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know why I keep the crew so limited in size?” You offer a hesitant shake of your head in response. “I want you to reason it out for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There doesn’t seem to be any reason,” you say, eyes flitting over Hongjoong’s face as though it’ll explain his strange question. “Even though the ship is on the smaller side, it could be run so much better if you had a proper crew. Engineers, cooks, comms managers, weapon stations, people manning the mainframe and shield reactor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong huffs out a laugh, air rushing through his nose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>The Horizon</em>
  <span> was never built to be a warship or even one that could attack other ships. The original purpose was merely to be a transport ship. Before I took it, it was used to cart slaves between planets and larger cargo ships. She looks like hundreds, if not thousands of other ships out there. There are so few distinguishing features on the ship that the military would have a hard time picking her out in a crowd. That’s the way I like it. Low upkeep too. The only differences are not visible ones. She's the fastest in the universe for a reason, after all. When in danger, the crew has their assignments and stations. San and Jongho to the shield reactor, Wooyoung and Yeosang to the mainframe. Yunho stays in the medbay. Seonghwa and Mingi remain with me on the bridge. Seonghwa manages the comms stations, and Mingi mans the emergency turret. And as for me – I remain at the helm. You see, Y/N, the ship was made to be manned by a smaller crew. I could afford to have a larger crew, yes, but there are too many opportunities for mistakes there. I should have known that having seventy crew members would cause more harm than good. I was arrogant then and wanted it all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What changed?” You inquire in a quiet voice. “Your arrogance and desires, I mean. What changed those?” Hongjoong responds with a small shake of his head at first.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was humbled and brought down a few notches.” You don’t say anything right away. Your lack of response brings another huff of laughter out of Hongjoong. “What? You’re not gonna pry for more answers? I’ve heard that you have been asking about the incident.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… forgot about it for the moment,” you say, looking away from Hongjoong to stare out into the darkness outside instead. “If you want me to ask about it, then I can.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll save you the trouble of pestering any other crew members for an explanation and do it myself. I’ve been waiting for you to come to me directly about it, but you never did. So I guess now is as good a time as any to explain what happened.” Hongjoong pauses, a small hum resounding as he lifts a hand to his chin. “Mingi killed one of the crew back when we were more in our prime. Not quite the largest the crew had been, but still large nonetheless. A woman named Cass, someone close to Yunho. Very close.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You shouldn’t ask about it,” he hisses out through gritted teeth. You’ve never seen this expression on his face, this gleam in his eyes. He doesn’t seem angry in the slightest, and that’s what sends your thoughts into a scramble. Merely sad. “That’s between you and Hongjoong if you want to talk about it, and it’s on him to tell you about it.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You should have known then that it was a sensitive topic for Yunho, but you were too caught off-guard in the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She was just a Normie, no one special or out of the ordinary. Never showed any signs of disliking me as the captain or the crew. She never–” Hongjoong doesn’t finish the thought. His teeth sink into his lower lip. For a moment, you think you can see pain crossing his features, but it disappears less than a second later. “She wasn’t someone who would do what she did without outside influence. It all started because she had said that someone like me wasn’t fit to lead. I had no place being the captain. Someone else would be better, someone who was an Elitist. She was trying to encourage Mingi and Jongho to join her – </span>
  <em>their</em>
  <span> side since they were the strongest of the crew. Said that Mingi should kill me and let an Elitist take over. Cass – s-she did this out in the open in front of Mingi, Jongho, many other crew members who sided with her. And Mingi… He killed her for what she said. Jongho closed his eyes and let it happen. Put morals to the side for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. It’s almost as though he can’t believe Jongho would do such a thing for him or that Mingi would either, for that matter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it in Mingi’s nature to kill like that?” You ask, prodding for an answer you aren’t sure you want to have.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. He doesn’t want to kill. It isn’t about some maddening or sick desire to hurt people. It’s about what he’s been conditioned to do, and it is the only thing he knows.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long has he been with the crew?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Six years. I found him at the same time and place that I found Yunho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” You tilt your head to look at Hongjoong’s expression, and he mimics the motion as he stares back at you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean exactly that. I found Mingi with Yunho, though the two didn’t know each other at the time. Mingi’s father was Yunho’s patient. Before joining the crew, Yunho ran a small clinic here on Kebos. We happened to be passing through the system and had no medic at the time. Needed immediate medical treatment for Jongho, so Seonghwa took him to Yunho’s clinic. Yunho must have recognized Seonghwa or heard something he said because he asked after me. I came down and met him in the clinic, then he joined the crew.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just like that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong presses his lips together, forming a thin line then stretching them into a smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not necessarily my story to tell. Yunho needed – </span>
  <em>needs</em>
  <span> – me. And I needed a healer. Perhaps it was fate that brought us together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How does Mingi fit into the picture then? If his father was there as a patient, then how–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something happened in the backroom where Mingi’s father was,” Hongjoong says, cutting you off before you can finish the question. “Something I didn’t see and still to this day don’t know. It’s never been my place to ask. It’s between the two of them, whatever it is. All I know is that it left a deep wound on both of them, and it’s always been the root cause for the stiltedness in their relationship and attitudes towards each other. When the two of them came out of that room, they were both ready to join my crew, and I accepted it for what it was. Brought them on as they were, because I didn’t need anything else. The crew was big enough back then to allow for bringing them on without any trouble.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I see,” you exhale, bringing your chin forward again. “What happened after Mingi – that incident?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There was a mutiny,” Hongjoong states as if it’s the most normal thing in the universe. “They thought that I couldn’t lead and wasn’t suited for it. Mingi killing Cass only solidified those feelings. My highest in command after Seonghwa led the mutiny. Before he left the ship with half the crew, he swore that he would get the treasure first along with the Sirens.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did he know about Seonghwa?” You aren’t sure what the hell possesses you and makes you ask that question. It’s a lapse in judgment and a mistake for certain, and you bring a hand up to cover your mouth the second it falls from your lips. Hongjoong lifts a brow, eyeing you as you rush to recover and come up with some sort of excuse. You half expect anger from Hongjoong or at least surprise in the very least, but all that falls from his lips is a deep sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should have known that Seonghwa would tell you. He’s so strangely attached to you that it was only a matter of time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If you had been waiting for an opportunity to tell Hongjoong what you are, this is it. You are fully aware of that. You could tell him, and perhaps you should tell him. It would be easiest in the long run to tell him now. But what is the long run? Is the long run remaining with Hongjoong until he finds the treasure? Not what you expected your fate to be in the slightest, but an option nonetheless. Is it an option you want to take though? Spending the rest of your life as a weapon to the most dangerous pirate in the universe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What am I to you?” You ask all of a sudden, keeping up with your trend of being spontaneous with your questions. Hongjoong’s brows dip together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” He counters, seemingly confused by the sudden inquiry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everyone on the crew is something to you, no? So what am I to you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong draws his lips together, pursing them violently, before offering a shrug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are whatever you want to be. It’s your choice, and I will merely respect it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” you say through a small shake of your head. “If it wasn’t up to me, what would I be to you?” The question makes Hongjoong pause for a moment. He has an answer; the hesitation isn’t in the lack of one but rather the internal debate of whether to say it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You would be… a weapon to me,” he admits, maintaining the same steady and even tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what is Seonghwa to you?” Again your words throw Hongjoong off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa is different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Given what Seonghwa </span>
  <em>is</em>
  <span>, what is he to you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t just give up something so personal that easily,” Hongjoong answers quickly, sharp eyes narrowing on you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is he a key to the treasure, or is he something more?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong exhales through his nose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa always has been and always will be something more,” he whispers, tone dropping for the first time. It isn’t enough of an answer for you though. You need more than that, you need a straight answer, and you need to </span>
  <em>know</em>
  <span> what Seonghwa is to him before you even think about telling him what you are.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If Seonghwa is a Siren, and you are hunting Sirens, and Sirens are the key to what you want most, then what is Seonghwa to you?” You think you’ve crossed the line right then. Hongjoong’s expression goes cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You still don’t understand a single thing about me. The treasure itself is not what I want most. It will give me what I want most. But that’s not the point of all this, is it? This started off as me telling you a story.” Hongjoong doesn’t have to say it outright for you to know that he wants you to drop the subject. You nod quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You left off at the mutiny.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong hums in response and faces the observation window once more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, my highest in command after Seonghwa led the mutiny. He did know about Seonghwa and promised to come back for him one day. Every single day is a race to the finish. I fear that at the end of it I’ll lose. The ship, the fight, the treasure, the crew – Seonghwa. People have never scared me. I grew up in a cruel world surrounded by cruel people, and the only option I had was to become cruel myself. But this man? I’m deathly afraid of him and what he’s capable of. And I’m running out of time. My clock is ticking onwards.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Towards what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure I know the answer to that. I just know that it won’t be long until it catches up to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His words make you pause. The more you think about it, the more similar you realize you and Hongjoong are. Time has been chasing you your whole life. The past rushing to catch up with you, and it seems that Hongjoong is in a similar position. Time may be the same, but purpose? You don’t know what Hongjoong’s purpose is; however, you can confidently say that his is not the same as yours. You’ve been a weapon for as long as you can remember. The military carved you out of a broken mold and made you the weapon you know yourself to be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t want to be a weapon any longer. You don’t want to only be valued for what you can do. You want to be valued for who you are. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa is special to Hongjoong, and maybe… maybe by telling him what you are, you can have that too. At the end of the day, you don’t know what it means – to be special to someone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The reflection in the observation window seems to flicker for a second. It isn’t your face that looks back. A rounded smile with bright twinkling eyes. Someone precious to you, someone treasured. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hey, I need to ask you something.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Fire away, Jisung.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Can I hold your hand?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“W-What?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>That cheeky grin makes an appearance again. Jisung holds his hand out to you and says nothing else. Slowly, you stretch your arm out to him, letting your fingers fold around his. It’s a foreign feeling, one you’ve never had before, but it’s comfortable. Warm.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You wonder if Seonghwa is precious to Hongjoong, if the whole crew is precious to him. It’s a foreign warmth that blossoms in your chest as you think about it, and Jisung’s face continues to smile at you in the window.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Oh yeah? What are you gonna give me?” You roll your eyes ever so slightly. Only enough for Jisung to see it and scoff at your gesture, and he sits up to hit your arm with the back of his hand. You laugh, hair sprawled out across the ground. Jisung hesitates there. His expression melts, and his gaze is so gentle and full of emotion that you feel a deep pang in your chest. “S-Stop looking at me like that. It’s weird.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jisung doesn’t respond right away; instead, he leans down over you and blocks your view of the sky. All you see in that moment is him. You exhale, breath fogging in the air between you, and Jisung dips in to press his lips against yours. Soft lips. The taste of honey and vanilla. Stars hanging high in the sky. Jisung’s calloused hand reaching out and finding yours. Cherry wood and sugar on your nose. A fire crackling behind you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisung was – </span>
  <em>is</em>
  <span> – precious to you. From the first hello to the last goodbye. Jisung’s face changes all of a sudden, and now it’s San before you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Oh, by the way, I’m sure you are wondering who I am. I’m Spectre. When you decide to talk, it would be for the best.” His voice rings in your ears. Perhaps it’s because of the increasing fever, but the volume of his voice is bringing a sharp pain to your head and adding to the already present ache in your body. “I am a spy and assassin for a reason. Finding people isn’t difficult at all for me. Especially considering that there is blood on six crates. Body heat coming from one. Tell me how that adds up for you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had intimidated you so much then. Looking back, you aren’t sure why he did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You could repay me then,” he suggests, sending a teasing wink your way. You blink back in confusion. “A kiss, maybe?” You immediately roll your eyes at his remark, swinging an arm at his. He whines when you hit him, falling back as though you hit him with an insane amount of force. You steady him with the same arm and dip in before he can recover. You brush your lips over his cheek. He freezes under your touch within an instant. Red soars up his neck and cheeks.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“There. Maybe next time, you can get one on the lips.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It felt easy then, even if you were still hellbent on running away and getting out of the mess you’d been thrust into. Yet San saved your life. Not once, but twice, maybe even three times if you were to count the second encounter with Cara. He opened himself up, cut his chest open, and gave you his heart. It almost makes you feel it—that sensation of being precious to someone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m scared to let you in,” you admit, bring your gaze back up to San’s eyes. He’s looking back at you with a gentleness in his eyes that catches you off-guard.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You don’t have to let me in yet. Just try to trust me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay… okay. I can do that.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then that’s more than enough.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>San leans his head back against the pillow, but you take hold of his chin and pull him back to your face once more. It’s prompt and chaste, slightly awkward too, but you slot your lips against his in a rush. San inhales sharply at the sudden pressure. He melts into the soft kiss, pushing back with equal gentleness. He pulls away too soon for your liking, but the smile that resides on his lips as he falls asleep makes your decision to stay more than worth it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>San’s image doesn’t stay long, quickly dissolving into Seonghwa’s dark hair and delicate features. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Warm hands, warm lips against yours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Warmth. It’s what you are desperate for, what you want more than anything else. You want what Seonghwa offers so severely that you don’t even stop to think about what sort of consequences might unfold because of this. Seonghwa’s hands find your waist and squeeze tight. He lifts you up to push you further onto the mattress, making room to climb on with you. Your lips never disconnect. The warmth spreads like wildfire through your body, every single touch leaves you hot, and when Seonghwa kneels over you on the mattress, that heat spreads further down.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soft touches. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your right hand seems to move on its own as it stretches in Seonghwa’s direction, fingers reaching for his. He slips his fingers through yours within a second. You hear soft skids as he moves closer to you, and before you know it, Seonghwa is flush against your side, the fire of his presence no longer overwhelming your senses.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“We’re going to keep you safe,” he whispers after a few minutes of sitting in a comfortable silence. “No matter what.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Crossed legs on a bed and old books, then the fleeting memory of a hand draped over your waist as you slept.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You don’t push him away; you don’t slide out from under his arm, you don’t do anything except relax some of the tension in your shoulders. The sensation is comfortable; it takes away that nagging coldness and pushes the anxieties and worries surrounding San to the side. Funny how the slightest motion managed to have that impact on you. Seonghwa presses his head to the back of your neck. Hot breath fans over your skin, and you shiver at the sudden sensation.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>For once, you don’t feel empty. You feel comforted, wanted, needed maybe. You’ve always felt needed, but only as a tool or a weapon. Not just as a person. And yet, as Seonghwa clings to you, you don’t feel like either of those things. You bring a hesitant hand up and drape it over Seonghwa’s, fingers finding his and lacing through the spaces between them so you can cling to him. You don’t know what time it is or if you should go back to bed, but you do anyway, clinging to Seonghwa without a care in the world.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when the vision of Seonghwa melts away, it isn’t one person that stands in his place. Rather it’s four. Yunho with his rough hands dressing your wounds. His gentle voice chastising you for not doing your exercises. Furrowed brows and an intent stare as you opened up about yourself. Half-hearted jokes about sex and intimacy. Jongho and his strangely good abilities at playing cards. Him going easy on you in sparring practice because you’re “fragile” in his eyes. The silent yet strong comfort he provides by just being at your side. Wooyoung with the heavy metal collar around his neck. A rocky and rough start. Loud complaints about Jongho’s cooking while clinging to your arm. Yeosang and his piercing eyes. His watchful stare out the corner of his eye. Him stepping in front of you to defend you for the first time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a twisting and churning sensation in your gut, a desire to be more and have more in your life than just the notion of being a weapon and a criminal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…” You have to trail off as your voice catches in your throat. “I have to tell you something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead.” Even though he’s given you permission, it feels near impossible to get the words out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be a weapon anymore. I’m tired of… being that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to be then? It’s still up to you, but I can’t just let you walk away while you know what Seonghwa is.” You shake your head immediately.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to walk away. I-I really don’t. I’m – it isn’t that. I’m not an Elitist.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong all but snorts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve known that for a long time already. Is this the part where you tell me what you actually are? Unless you want me to play a guessing game, which I would fail miserably at. There are only three options, since your eyes aren’t red.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A S-Siren,” you blurt out, eyes meeting Hongjoong’s. His smile melts, and his face goes completely blank in an instant. “I can prove it. I can – can do something or ask Seonghwa, or I can show you my tattoos or anything you want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence greets you. Hongjoong won’t look at you. And in that moment, you think you’ve ruined everything. Then he laughs, his smile returning, but this time it’s far wider than before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’s that for fate?” He laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. “I knew there was a reason our paths crossed. Why Seonghwa was so adamant about having you join the crew and why he’s so attached to you. I never expected it to be because of this though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“D-Don’t you want proof?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of what? I’ll be calling Seonghwa to the bridge soon regardless. Besides, what reason would you have to lie to me now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s… it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you sound disappointed?” Hongjoong inquires, brows rising again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you – I thought you would care more. I’m n-not sure. I was expecting you to be angry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong shifts to face you head on. He places his hands on your shoulders, but his touch is gentle and light. Like Seonghwa’s. Like holding a piece of glass. When you look him in the eye, the gleam there makes you choke on air. You’ve never made a habit of making eye contact with him, but the emotion you see behind those dark eyes is not one you’ve ever seen from him before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s hope.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And in that moment, warmth blooms in your chest and spreads across your whole body. He isn’t holding you as though you are something fragile or breakable. It’s something more than that, the very thing you’ve been after all this time. He’s holding you like you are something precious. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hi guys 🥺 how we doing how we feeling what goes on this is a big chapter in terms of emotions and talking and what's going on finally some backstory yes! woohoo! lot's of info this chapter, but i hope you guys enjoyed it regardless feel free to gimme those theories and your fav parts! i love getting to chat about theories with you guys, yall are so smart and creative 🤧 anywho i can't wait to get into act four it's gonna be CRAZY if you thought it was a ride before just you WAIT we're going full effing throttle</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Act Three - Part 4.5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>note: all interim chapters are optional to read and you do not have to read them if you don’t want to. it is advised that you read the interim chapters after completing all the chapters in the act rather than reading them based off number order. they are based around the relationships between the crew and interactions they share. They are indicated with [x.5], x being the number of the part that came before it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Yunho.” Hongjoong isn’t sure why he hesitates in the doorway, looking towards the healer in question. Yunho doesn’t look up right away; he’s far too immersed in his work to notice Hongjoong standing at the edge of the room. Wooyoung acknowledges him in an instant though. Hongjoong hadn’t even seen the man off to the side since he was so focused on Yunho.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Captain!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong offers a small smile in response to Wooyoung’s enthusiasm. He waves his hand through the air a moment later, an attempt to dismiss the rigid posture Wooyoung now holds, but the man continues standing still as a statue nonetheless. Yunho glances up at last, shifting to look back over his shoulder. His wide eyes soften a bit at the sight of Hongjoong standing near the edge of the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung, could you give us a few minutes?” Hongjoong requests. The black-haired man bobs his head with enthusiasm and drops what he’s doing in an instant. Hongjoong nearly tells him to just finish up with the work then go, but Wooyoung is out the door before he can blink, and suddenly Hongjoong is alone with Yunho.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Captain,” the healer says, turning back to his work. “You need me for a mission?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does a haircut count as a mission?” Hongjoong teases as he smiles at Yunho’s back. Yunho huffs a laugh through his nose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Depends on how complicated it is.” Yunho continues to tinker around with whatever he’s doing for several seconds. His tone remains light and airy, and Hongjoong can almost envision the cheeky grin playing at his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just a trim off the front.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, much simpler than things you’ve asked for in the past,” Yunho jokes. Hongjoong can see the hint of a smile on his lips. “Going back to a mullet again, are we?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Short hair was nice while it lasted. I need to get back to my roots.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your roots are fried thanks to the hair dye.” Yunho shifts, and Hongjoong moves at the same time, going for Yunho’s stool in the corner. Yunho steps around him and makes his way to one of the medicine cabinets. He nearly flinches as Hongjoong begins to drag the seat towards the center of the room, the sound loud and grating on both their ears. “Speaking of, are we doing hair dye as well, or are you letting the roots grow out?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s dye, yeah. What do you have?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just, uh, blue and some leftover peach from when I did mine. Which do you want?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Surprise me,” Hongjoong mutters as he settles onto the stool. Yunho pulls out the canister of blue dye, then scissors and a comb.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing sitting down? I need you at the sink. Chop chop, Captain, we don’t have all day!” Yunho claps his hands together the second Hongjoong hits the seat, and the captain jumps up before he can chastise him again. Once Hongjoong reaches the sink where Yunho is standing, the taller man all but shoves Hongjoong’s head into the sink, running cold water over his scalp without mercy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck, Yunho? That’s cold as hell!” Hongjoong protests, but Yunho keeps his head pressed under the downpour of freezing water.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve heard that hell is a scalding fiery pit, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a smartass.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I prefer to say that I’m smart </span>
  <em>
    <span>with</span>
  </em>
  <span> an ass. That way it’s twice as impressive when I introduce myself to people. I can say hey, I’m both smart and I have a nice body. How about that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong doesn’t even try to fight Yunho’s words; he knows it isn’t worth the effort, and he wouldn’t get anywhere with it. Besides, the methodical motions of Yunho’s fingers against his scalp are lulling him into a comfortable sense of peace and calm. If Hongjoong were being honest, he would admit that that’s the real reason why he came to see Yunho. To find that sense of calm and bask in it while he can. Yunho seems to know that – of course he does, it's Yunho he always senses emotions better than anyone, which is baffling to Hongjoong because he's just a Normie – but he opts not to comment until he has Hongjoong back on the stool. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulls the teeth of the comb through Hongjoong's hair. The prongs drag against his scalp, and Yunho combs his bangs forward to cover his face. Yunho hums as he works, a small tune that Hongjoong isn’t familiar with, but he doesn’t stop to ask. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll keep it a little long in the front to frame your face, Captain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong,” he reminds the healer, and Yunho chuckles in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hongjoong</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Is there a particular reason you want to go back to the dear old mullet?” Yunho inquires, measuring a segment of hair in front of Hongjoong’s eyes. He snaps his eyes shut as Yunho begins to snip the damp locks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In the mood for a change,” he mutters back. He hopes that Yunho won’t press the issue, but he knows that the healer knows better. “How are you doing, Yunho?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just peachy, Capt–Hongjoong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t the question, Yunho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ask this every single time, I swear. I still want to be here.” Yunho cuts several more strands of hair, and Hongjoong peeks past the hair just enough to see the wisps fall to the ground. He opens his mouth to ask another question, but Yunho beats him to it this time. “I’m absolutely certain that I want to be here. I’m not just saying that as a member of your crew, but as your friend and someone who cares about you. Okay, Hongjoong?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Hongjoong can’t help but ask the question. He isn’t sure he wants to hear the answer, only because he fears that Yunho’s answer won’t be a good one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember the agreement we made when I first joined?” Yunho pushes Hongjoong’s hair back, exposing his eyes and face again. A soft smile plays at his lips. Hongjoong knows what Yunho is referring to, but only vaguely. He’s seen many people come and go from his crew since Yunho joined, and it would be a miracle if he could remember it all. “I don’t know what I’m going to do after I get what I want.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Ah…” Hongjoong exhales. His gaze falls from Yunho’s face to the floor. There’s a light impact on his forehead, and he jerks his head to look back up at the tall healer.</p><p> </p><p>“That means I want to stay, dumbass.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Hongjoong exhales again, and he truly looks like a dumbass now with his lips parted and single syllable sighs slipping out.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate to admit it, Captain, but you’ve got me tied to this crew. Six years may not seem like a long time to some. To me, though, it’s long enough to know that this is where I want to be. Under your leadership, not anyone else’s.”</p><p> </p><p>“Cass was your–”</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t matter what she was. You are my captain. No matter what. You come first for me, Joong.” Yunho doesn’t stutter, doesn’t hesitate, nothing. He says the words with such confidence that Hongjoong’s gut twists and churns. He says it like what happened wasn’t Hongjoong’s fault, when he knows it was.</p><p> </p><p>“If I had been a better leader, that wouldn’t have happened. Mingi wouldn’t have lashed out. I should have done better.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t blame yourself, Hongjoong. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that. It isn’t your fault, and it’s not Mingi’s either. Cassie made her choice. She knew what mine would be, and that’s why she didn’t tell me beforehand. Love doesn’t always mean loyalty. She proved that.” Yunho’s hands tremble a little against Hongjoong’s hair. He can see the slight tremors in his fingers. It hurts to look at, so he squeezes his eyes shut again.</p><p> </p><p>“But it’s my fault that they doubted me. My abilities and my position as captain. They wanted Jin to take my place. If I hadn’t been born as a–”</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong.” Yunho’s voice is stern and clear, but he isn’t harsh. Hongjoong can’t bear to look at him still. “Hongjoong, look at me.”</p><p> </p><p>He dares to do as told, and when his eyes find Yunho’s dark brown ones, his breath hitches. Part of him wishes those eyes held hatred or disappointment, but they don’t. They’re just as warm as ever.</p><p> </p><p>“The only person doubting your abilities and position as captain is <em>yourself</em>. It doesn’t matter what you were born as. That doesn’t define you as a person. You do that. You make your future. You choose your destiny, and I know that your destiny is not to roll over to some stuck-up traitorous Elitist who couldn’t handle his pride being hurt. If you give into guilt now, you’re letting him win. So tell me, Kim Hongjoong, who are you? Are you a man broken by a cowardly mutiny and guilt? Or are you more than that?” Yunho’s words hit Hongjoong square in the chest, and he inhales sharply. The breath burns his lungs.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m… I’m Captain Kim Hongjoong of <em>The Horizon</em>, Scourge of the Black Sea.” Yunho’s lips twist into a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s more like it, Captain.” Yunho hums as he moves around Hongjoong, coming to a halt behind him, and Hongjoong just continues to stare forward.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, Yunho,” he mutters after a few minutes of silence. Yunho’s hands falter on his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be. I don’t care why you’re sorry, but you don’t need to be.” Again, silence drapes over the pair. Hongjoong doesn’t even dare to breathe. Yunho continues to snip at the ends of his hair, the methodical cuts of the scissors loud through their quiet. Yunho must realize what Hongjoong’s mind is on, because he speaks up after he’s done snipping at the captain’s hair. The scissors clink against metal as Yunho sets them down. “Mingi… h-he isn’t your – his actions are not your fault, Hongjoong.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know how to help him,” Hongjoong whispers back. He doesn’t think he can manage to bring his tone above that whisper, too afraid to hear it crumble and break in front of Yunho. The healer doesn’t respond right away; Hongjoong can hear him shuffling behind him, but he still flinches when a towel hits his head.</p><p> </p><p>“None of us do. We’re just… doing the best we can with what we have. I keep telling myself that that’s enough.” Yunho towels his hair dry, and as he does, Hongjoong watches a few stray water droplets fall to the floor. “He’s getting better. Learning more. Gentler. He’s not as angry as he used to be.”</p><p> </p><p>“How long does it last though?” Hongjoong inquires when Yunho tugs the towel off his head, and he nearly shudders when the man starts lathering his hair with dye.</p><p> </p><p>“Until he finds out we’re on Kebos.”</p><p> </p><p>A sigh. It falls from Hongjoong’s lips, but he doesn’t even realize it.</p><p> </p><p>“I wish we could just… take his memories away. A hard reset. Start over. Blank slate.”</p><p> </p><p>“We can’t take away who he is, Hongjoong. That’s not right.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s easy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is something right just because it’s easy?”</p><p> </p><p>“No…”</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me. Is it easy to live with the guilt that comes after? Would you ever look him in the eye again?”</p><p> </p><p>“N-No.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a funny thing, Captain. Morals. They tether us to reality, yet sometimes they make us feel so disconnected and torn apart. Mingi’s not in pain, because he doesn’t understand what pain is. But I know his heart hurts. He sits there and listens to my morals and what I consider to be good and right. He listens as I tell him that every single thing he’s done in life is wrong and evil. As I tell him that he can have redemption, but I don’t know how to give it to him. And I pretend it’s okay be-because he doesn’t know that it hurts. He just sits there and says that he doesn’t like the feeling in his chest anymore. Then he asks to talk about something else because he doesn’t want to ask what that feeling is. He already knows what it is. He just doesn’t want to hear it. So yeah, wiping his memory and starting over would be such a wonderful thing to do. But only if you could look him in the eye and tell him that you’d never hurt him, when between the two of you, you’re the only one who knows that you already have.”</p><p> </p><p>It breaks Hongjoong’s heart to hear Yunho talk the way he does. The doctor is arrogant, confident, foolhardy, and outspoken. Sometimes he hates it, and he wishes that Yunho wouldn’t question his every decision or argue with him about menial things. Yet all of those things are far better than hearing the slight crack in Yunho’s voice.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re doing the right thing, Yunho.”</p><p> </p><p>“But what’s the definition of right when all you’ve ever known is wrong?” Yunho’s voice crumbles at the end of his sentence, and Hongjoong can’t take it anymore. He spins the stool around to face Yunho, not prepared to see the glassy haze over his eyes and crystalline tears on his cheeks. His fingers are covered in blue dye, and he still has a chunk of Hongjoong’s hair in his grip, but Hongjoong doesn’t pay it any mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Jeong Yunho, you are a good person. Nothing will change that.” Hongjoong reaches up to press a hand against Yunho’s chest, and the taller man just blinks down at his arm like it’s going to reach through his ribcage and pull his heart out. “Just the fact that you’re feeling pain and hurting thinking about it means that you have a heart. One that’s pure and good and wants the best for everyone. And you have to want that for yourself too. There are no exceptions, Yunho. You are cruel but only to yourself and no one else.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Yunho mutters, nodding at Hongjoong’s words. It’s a moment of intimacy, but there’s nothing there except for a brotherly love and desire to comfort each other. Yunho gently reaches down and pushes Hongjoong’s hand away from his chest. Hongjoong takes the hint and spins back around in his seat, facing forward again to let Yunho continue his work.</p><p> </p><p>“There are two things you can’t take away from a person, no matter how much conditioning or training or dehumanization you put them through. The instinct for comfort… and pain.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hi hello it’s time for an interim chapter again and this time we had a little insight into yunho and hongjoong’s relationship and how they operate and stuff and i hope you guys enjoy it!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Act Three - Part 5.5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>note: all interim chapters are optional to read and you do not have to read them if you don’t want to. it is advised that you read the interim chapters after completing all the chapters in the act rather than reading them based off number order. they are based around the relationships between the crew and interactions they share. They are indicated with [x.5], x being the number of the part that came before it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>If Seonghwa had the choice, he would opt not to go to Hongjoong’s quarters and confront him, but after the rage he exhibited on the bridge, Seonghwa knows that he can’t leave the man alone right now. It’s been quite some time since Seonghwa saw him that angry, so much rage in his body that he even pushed it onto Seonghwa once the crew left the room. It was merely a quick push and a hissed order that told him to leave Hongjoong alone until further notice. Still, Hongjoong has never been angry enough to hit him, let alone shove him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Seonghwa understands – he truly does. He knows how important this lead was to Hongjoong; he knows that the captain held the highest hope for this one over any other that they’ve had in the past two years. To have it fall apart and crumble before their eyes? Seonghwa would be lying if he said that he wasn’t upset as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa hesitates outside Hongjoong’s door. He can’t hear any noise within, but there’s no other place where Hongjoong would be. There’s a lingering fear bubbling in Seonghwa’s gut, not one that fears Hongjoong’s anger, but one that is afraid to find Hongjoong alone and vulnerable. He brings his knuckles to the metal anyway, rapping them against the door harshly. He won’t admit that part of him hopes that Hongjoong won’t answer, and it’ll save him from this confrontation because he already knows what Hongjoong will say if he opens the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, Hwa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa opens his eyes at the sound of the voice that’s thick with emotion and a bit slurred in tone. He was right about what Hongjoong would say, but he didn’t expect to find the man with flushed cheeks and bloodshot eyes. His balance sways from foot to foot, and Seonghwa doesn’t have to look over at his desk to know that the captain has been drinking. He opts not to say anything about Hongjoong’s state; instead, he presses a smile onto his lips and nods towards the room behind Hongjoong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I come in?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… yeah, come in.” Hongjoong waves his hand, spinning around too quickly and nearly toppling over, but Seonghwa grabs his shoulders before he can fall. “I-I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m f-fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite Hongjoong’s insistence that he’s fine, Seonghwa maintains his grip on the man until they’re closer to his desk. He lets him go there, and Hongjoong slumps forward, hands finding the edge of the desk and gripping the wood tight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Joong?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you mad at me? You can be mad at me if you want. It’s okay. I would be mad at me too. If I were you.” Seonghwa can barely understand him through the slurs in his tone, but he manages to pick out each word. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not. You know I could never be mad at you.” Seonghwa slips a smile onto his lips even though Hongjoong can’t see it. He eyes the blue-haired man carefully. His hair clings to the back of his neck, sweat keeping it stuck there, and his skin is equally as red there as it is on his cheeks. Maybe three drinks? Two most likely, since Hongjoong never eats. Seonghwa’s gaze flits down to the desk. A tall bottle of dark liquor sits atop it with no glass nearby, which means Hongjoong has just been slinging the alcohol back without a care in the world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even if I ask you to?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa inhales sharply as Hongjoong whips around to face him. His gaze is narrowed and cold, but the effects of the alcohol make him seem less intimidating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know that’s the one order I can’t follow.” Again, he smiles. Hongjoong huffs at his response and faces the desk again. “You never answered my question.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What question?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Hongjoong?” Seonghwa reaches a hand out to brush over Hongjoong’s shoulder. That’s the wrong move apparently, because Hongjoong flicks his touch away within a second, nose scrunching upwards.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” he mumbles back. Seonghwa doesn’t believe him for a second, and Hongjoong doesn’t even try to cover the lie. It’s almost heartbreaking to see; in these moments, Seonghwa can’t pull Hongjoong out of his mind. He falls too deep into his thoughts and loses himself there. Seonghwa can do nothing to fix it or stop it. Just watch on with wide and sad eyes that hope for better days. That’s what all this is about after all. Better days. Reaching that place. Finding peace.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa dares to reach out again, fingers stretching towards Hongjoong’s wrist, but the captain pulls away before Seonghwa can even get close. A second later, a sharp snap resounds – the sound of skin hitting wood – and Hongjoong’s hands frantically push the papers and pens and whatever other miscellaneous items he has strewn about off the desk. Seonghwa watches on, stunned into paralysis for too long, and it’s only when Hongjoong grabs the bottle of alcohol that Seonghwa snaps back to reality. He catches Hongjoong’s wrist before the man can hurl the liquor at the wall. The two of them freeze there for several moments, and it almost feels like hours are passing rather than mere seconds, but Seonghwa breaks the supposed spell with a loud exhale. Fingers remain latched around Hongjoong’s skin, and Seonghwa gently pulls the bottle out of his grasp with his free hand, setting it back down on the desk and out of Hongjoong’s reach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on, Joong? Talk to me.” He hates how fragile the man looks under his stare. The strong captain – </span>
  <em>his</em>
  <span> strong captain – laid bare and vulnerable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The damn lead went fucking cold and six feet under thirty years ago!” Hongjoong snaps back, chest heaving a bit. “The client on Aegos died because some shitty ass pirate crew wanted me dead. For what? What is all this effort for? Fucking ambushed because of me, because I’m the damn ‘Scourge of the Black Sea’, because I’m supposed to be the notorious pirate who kills with a single glance, because I’m always the target people want to kill?” Seonghwa dips his chin to his chest, a breathy sigh leaving his lips as he moves. “I’m tired, Hwa. I’m so fucking tired. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa gnaws on the inside of his cheek. Hongjoong’s words sink through his skin, burrow their way into his veins, and go straight for his heart. What is he supposed to say to that? What’s the right thing to say? Is there even a right thing to say?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can stop,” he whispers, still not daring to look Hongjoong in the eye. “We can rest if that’s what you want us to do.” Seonghwa loses his grip on Hongjoong’s wrist, and his arm falls to his side uselessly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can’t. I can’t. That’s not an option anymore. We have to keep going. Have to get to the treasure first. Have to find the Sirens first.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa wants to tell him. He wants to tell him about the others, he wants to give Hongjoong hope again, and he desperately wants to see the flames of determination flicker through Hongjoong’s eyes again. It’s been too long since he saw it last, the thing he’s always admired most about Hongjoong. The thing he first noticed the minute he and Hongjoong found each other on Dorado, stuck in that dingy old bar that smelled of rust and mold. He wants to see the light he saw when Seonghwa snatched his own pistol from the holster and held it to Hongjoong’s head. No fear, no surprise, no inquiry. Just… determination. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Prove yourself</em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s what Hongjoong had asked him to do upon meeting him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Are you prepared to do whatever it takes to be a pirate?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Determination, pride, confidence. Seonghwa misses it. With each passing day, more of those traits seem to ebb away from Hongjoong’s being, and Seonghwa fears what lies underneath it all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If you can shoot a gun properly and be prepared to kill an innocent, you can join my crew.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa still remembers the way his hand trembled and shook as he pointed that gun at Hongjoong’s head. Remembers it like it was yesterday. The cool tone Hongjoong had used when he tilted his head to the side and mocked Seonghwa for pointing a gun at someone who wasn’t innocent. When Hongjoong bore his identity and title with pride. Now it seems like he would rather throw it all away and run from what he is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All that desire and wishful thinking – Seonghwa can’t tell him. There was trust in those promises, and Seonghwa can’t go back on it even if his morals are skewed and out of sorts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have to get the treasure,” Hongjoong says, cutting through Seonghwa’s thoughts with a wavering voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” he utters in response. “It’s okay, Joong. We don’t – there’s no guarantee that Jin has the other Sirens, or any Sirens. He can’t do anything without them. Without me.” Maybe it’s a lie – maybe Jin has five Sirens in his possession already, but Seonghwa can’t bring himself to believe that considering what he knows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He already knows the identity of one, and that’s </span>
  <em>you</em>
  <span>, Seonghwa.” Hongjoong jabs a finger at Seonghwa’s chest, hitting him squarely in the sternum, and Seonghwa’s breath hitches at the touch. “He knows where you are and what you are. We both heard what he said clear as day. Jin won’t stop until he has five Sirens, and you are one of them. He swore he would come back for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know that.” Seonghwa smiles again at Hongjoong, but the gesture is strained and a bit melancholy this time. “I’m not worried. I’m not afraid of Jin coming for me. I can’t be, because I know that my captain won’t let Jin take me. My captain won’t let anything happen to me.” He reaches out again, hands closing around Hongjoong’s shoulders, and the man before him blinks up at Seonghwa in wonder and confusion. “I trust you with my life, Hongjoong. That’s never changed, and it never will. We’re in this together, whatever it takes, whatever the cost. We’ll get the treasure and get rid of Jin for good. Rest. We’ll all rest at last. So j-just – just trust me. Trust me the way you did when I held a gun to your head, and you trusted that I wouldn’t pull the trigger.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My life is already in your hands, Hwa…” Hongjoong whispers. His voice is barely above that low tone, but Seonghwa knows that if he spoke any louder, his resolve would crack and shatter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As mine is in yours. Now, come on. Can you please get some rest? Let’s… think about and talk about what’s next tomorrow. You’re too in your head to think about this right now.” Hongjoong manages a series of nods, then the breath leaves Seonghwa’s lungs as the man crashes against him, arms slung tight around his waist. Seonghwa returns the hug without hesitation. “Go,” he says when Hongjoong pulls back, ushering him over to the door that connects to Hongjoong’s bedroom. The captain does as told, and Seonghwa watches him disappear into the dark room before turning to face the mess Hongjoong made on the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All reports, news headings, and articles concerning Sirens. One after another, Seonghwa picks them up, thumbing over the printed and scrawled words. Some contain notes in Hongjoong’s messy handwriting – </span>
  <em>‘dead’</em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>‘followed 165 days ago’</em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>‘ask Seonghwa’</em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>‘need more information’ </em>
  <span>– and Seonghwa takes more time than is necessary to read over each word. He slowly organizes the papers before placing them back on Hongjoong’s desk, then stoops to collect the pens and other miscellaneous objects strewn across the floor. He freezes at the sight of a small gold medallion. Seonghwa recognizes it in an instant, along with the dried crimson staining the crevices of the rune over it. He lifts it by the chain, forgetting everything else on the floor in favor of running his fingers over the surface of the gold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s a bit surprised to see it; Hongjoong had told him that he threw it out not long after Jin abandoned ship. It seems that had been a lie though, and Seonghwa isn’t sure why that upsets him as much as it does. He squeezes the medallion tight, the edges of the rune atop it pressing harshly into his skin, and when he stands up, he swears he nearly sees red. That feeling leaves as quickly as it comes because he catches sight of Hongjoong again. The man is already curled up on his bed – he didn’t even bother to pull the sheets back or crawl under them – and in the faint light pouring into the bedroom, Seonghwa sees the sense of peace and relaxation he missed. He steps into the room, chain still dangling from his hand. When he reaches Hongjoong’s side, he presses the necklace into Hongjoong’s limp palm, and the second the metal touches his skin, he instinctively closes his fingers around it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Joong,” Seonghwa whispers. It’s hard to pull away and walk out of the room with all the thoughts swirling through his head. One remains stronger than all the rest though, and that’s a distant memory of gentler and easier times, not long after Seonghwa became Lieutenant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Captain, you asked for me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Come on, relax a little, Hwa. I didn’t call you here for business.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The tall bottle of alcohol at Hongjoong’s side doesn’t escape his notice, and neither does the lack of a glass to go along with the open bottle.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Drinking straight out of the bottle, Captain?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m too lazy to get up and get the cups.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Of course you are.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Let’s celebrate your promotion, yeah?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa shakes his head a little, moving further into Hongjoong’s quarters. He stops at the cabinet near the door and collects two tumblers from the shelves. When he turns back to Hongjoong, the man has a small smile playing at his lips.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Where’s Jin?” Hongjoong inquires as Seonghwa places the glasses before him on the desk. “I need to talk to him.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“He’s flying the ship like you asked him to.” Seonghwa clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, a slight chuckle slipping through. “Would you like him to abandon his post?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Now, now. No need to be snarky, Hwa.” Hongjoong pours some of the dark liquor into each tumbler. The smile never leaves his lips, even as he pushes one of the glasses towards Seonghwa. Seonghwa leans down to pick it up, then tilts it in Hongjoong’s direction, returning his smile with one of his own.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Cheers, Joong.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hongjoong nods and brings his glass up. Seonghwa mimics his movements. The alcohol burns as Seonghwa downs it, a taste he’s used to, and he clears his throat after it passes through. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Captain, if you don’t mind me asking… why did you choose me to be Lieutenant?” Hongjoong’s lips draw together to form a tight line. He doesn’t answer right away, and that causes Seonghwa’s gut to twist a little as anxiety churns in him. He tries to down his glass of liquor faster in the hopes of drowning the feeling.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I trust you. Is that not enough?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You trust Jin as well. Enough to pilot the ship, which is something you’ve never let me do.” Seonghwa doesn’t intend for the words to sound so bitter, but Hongjoong doesn’t seem to be affected by the slight annoyance in his tone. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I do, yes, but you’re special. You have qualities that Jin doesn’t. I know you’re loyal to a fault. Responsible. A good leader. If anything were to happen to me, I would want you to take my place in a heartbeat. I never considered Jin for the position.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t think like that, Joong.” Seonghwa smiles a little at the captain, but the gesture is meant to comfort himself more than anything else. Hongjoong swirls his glass a bit, the alcohol tossing and turning in the tumbler, before he glances up at Seonghwa again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know I’m not invincible. Let’s call it a failsafe.” Silence drapes over the pair, but Hongjoong doesn’t let it last long. “How are the new crew members integrating? Everyone getting along okay?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“They’re all doing well.” Seonghwa nods against the rim of his glass. “Most have been pirates or criminals of some sort before. All excited to join the legendary Scourge though. There’s two that I’m not entirely sure about. The blond boy and his friend with the collar.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hongjoong hums a little in response. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeosang and Wooyoung, was it?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yes, they’re both a bit withdrawn. Nervous or anxious or something like that. It’s evident that both have been kept as slaves at some point in their lives, even Yeosang. He seems to be able to hold his own, so I’m confident that he’ll do just fine after a bit of time on the ship.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And Wooyoung?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m not sure about him…” Seonghwa trails off, blinking into the dark liquor in his glass. “There’s something about Wooyoung. I can’t – I can’t place it. He’s different, but I don’t know if that means he’s a danger to the crew or not. I can keep an eye on him though, if needed.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No, that’s not needed.” Hongjoong shakes his head. “Not for the time being at least.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Is it time to pursue a new lead? It’s been almost a year since we last went after one.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“All business now that you’re Lieutenant, huh?” A chuckle leaves Hongjoong’s chest, and the sound reverberates through the glass in his hands. “We have time. I haven’t heard anything dramatic. We need to avoid Aurum anyway, and that’s where the next lead is. I got a transmission from a friend on Aera, however… something intriguing. Apparently, one of the Royal Military’s highest caliber soldiers stole the file they have for me on Aera. No one knows why, but the soldier was jailed and branded a traitor for other reasons after stealing my file. He escaped. I don’t want to go anywhere near Aurum if that traitor is after me. That’s what I needed to talk to Jin about.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa nods slowly but doesn’t lift his gaze to look Hongjoong in the eye. “Do you want another drink?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hit me.”</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hello hello tis time for a seongjoong chapter god bless it’s what we deserve and need in our lives ;-; i hope you guys enjoy this insight into them and their relationship as well as some ~backstory~ hehe</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Act Four - Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It only takes three knocks against the cool metal of the door for Seonghwa to answer it. He blinks down at you, eyes a bit wide in surprise, but you don’t let the surprise stay for long. You tug the edge of your sleeve a bit, folding the material against your palm as you fidget in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I come in?” You ask in a quiet tone. You’re barely able to look him in the eye, but he seems to find some amusement in that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You act like we don’t do this every other night,” he teases before stepping to the side to let you into the room. “Although you’re considerably earlier than usual tonight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Admittedly it’s because of the nerves running through your system. Less than a day has passed since you informed Hongjoong of your identity as a Siren, and you spent the night cold and alone yesterday, thanks to Hongjoong bringing Seonghwa to the bridge to discuss things he’d said to you as well. Plans. One after the other, all options and possibilities, yet all pointing to the same end. Your revelation to him bought precious time – time that he intends to use to confront the man who betrayed him and provided a dead lead. Not the one who tore his crew apart from the inside out, no, but Hongjoong had claimed to you that this was the next best thing, and an equally terrifying adversary. He didn’t divulge the rest of his plans to you at that moment but swore to once he and Seonghwa solidified the strategy moving forward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And thus, it is stress that brings you to Seonghwa’s door early, and the inherent need for comfort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door slides shut behind you, a sharp snap of the metal, and you turn to look at Seonghwa’s face at last. It’s almost intimidating how good he looks without any effort, black strands of hair framing his forehead with gentle curls. You dare to take a few steps towards him. He arches a brow as you push his back to the door, and one hand comes to rest on your hip as though by instinct. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I was hoping… that, uh–” you cut yourself short. The embarrassment comes from nowhere; it’s not the first time you’ve done this, and you doubt that this will be the last, yet Seonghwa’s mere presence always makes you seize up and struggle with the smallest words. The hand on your hip shifts a bit. Then, all of a sudden, your back is the one hitting the cold surface of the door. Seonghwa’s hand remains on your hip, but he brings his other one up to cage you between the door and his body. The action makes you feel so incredibly small. Your breath catches in your throat, and you sink your teeth into your lower lip to keep a gasp from slipping out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Were you hoping that I’d fuck you senseless beforehand?” Seonghwa asks as though it’s the most casual question in existence. You bring a hand to his chest, slapping him for the crude comment, but don’t deny his words. Your scandalized expression merely masks the hammering beat of your heart in your chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only if you think you can manage it,” you whisper back, tilting your chin up a little. Seonghwa’s lips twitch a bit at the insinuation in your words. The hand on your hip slides upwards to land on the base of your throat, but he hesitates there. Eyes flit up to meet yours before you drape a hand atop his. A small gesture, but a confirmation and an encouragement. As his grip tightens pleasurably around your neck, you secure a leg around Seonghwa’s waist, drawing him closer to your body until all you feel is the heat of his presence. “More…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s all you need to say for him to let loose a barely restrained growl, and Seonghwa secures an arm behind your back before lifting you off the door. Lips meet in a mess of teeth and saliva. Your back curves to mold against Seonghwa’s body like it’s what you’re made for, his tongue flicking over your bottom lip and begging entrance only once before you grant it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you keep saying things like that, I won’t be able to hold back,” Seonghwa murmurs, still pressed tight to your lips. You thread your fingers through his dark hair and tug him back just far enough to whisper a response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if I don’t want you to hold back?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s the thing you’ve noticed about Seonghwa in the time you’ve known him. He is ever so patient with you. You would say that he’s guarded, but it’s anything but that in reality. He merely lays out the options before you and tells you to make the choices. He tiptoes around you like you’re a ticking time bomb, and while you appreciate his gentle nature, a large part of you just wishes that he would do whatever he wants rather than waiting for you to tell him what you desire.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When your lips part and your back hits the mattress, Seonghwa seems to read your mind. His gaze remains soft as he bends over your reclining body on the bed, knees finding purchase on the comforter on either side of your hips. Even though you don’t have to, you still choose to voice the question lingering on your lips, if only for verbal confirmation, if only for more than that thinly veiled emotion in his eyes that you’ve missed so much in the past few years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you waiting for?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa hums without offering an answer for a few moments. He pulls back to straighten his back, fingers dipping down to tug the hem of his shirt out of the confines of his pants. In those moments of silence – as few as they may be – you doubt that he’s going to respond at all. As the shirt falls to the floor, toned muscles and tanned skin on clear display now, he gives you his answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For it to not to be a question anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The silence between you is palpable in every sense. He moves with careful and hesitant movements, hands bracing on either side of your head when he returns to hovering over you. You slide a hand up the firm expanse of his chest only to reach around his neck and tangle your fingers in his hair. Offering a sharp tug, you revel in the hiss that whistles through his gritted teeth and the way his eyes darken with lust as he looks down at you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was never a </span>
  <em>question</em>
  <span>, Park Seonghwa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mean a question from this–” Seonghwa lifts a hand to press a single finger to your mouth, an amused grin toying with the corners of his own lips. That same finger slides further down to linger mere centimeters away from your chest, pinpointing your heart behind the confines of your skin and bones. “I mean from this. You have suffered enough from people who simply desire to take from you. Forgive me if I want to give you that which you are owed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just say ‘I like you’ and move on,” you scoff, tone light and teasing to deflect the harsh wave of emotions that washes over you. Seonghwa’s smile turns fond as he mulls over a response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Saying only that much wouldn’t do my feelings justice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time when your breath catches and you choke on air, Seonghwa is there to capture your lips again. His slot against your mouth like a hot cushion, and he doesn’t wait for permission to slip his tongue into your wet heat. You can only offer a soft whine before he pulls away too soon for your liking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You never gave me permission,” he murmurs, breath fanning over your face. “Don’t ask me to take control. Put it in my hands and trust me with it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My trust is already yours.” You exhale a small sigh and sneak your hands down to loop your fingers around Seonghwa’s belt. “And I’m giving you permission to not hold back any longer.” Seonghwa waits, eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitance. Once he’s satisfied, he dips back down and presses his lips to yours once more. The kiss is languid this time, as though you have all the time in the universe to be under Seonghwa like this. He doesn’t remain there long; instead, he drags his lips to the edge of your jaw. You’re tempted to tell him not to leave marks, but as soon as his teeth drag over the column of your throat, all reason leaves your body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I were to exercise a lack of control… I would make sure everyone in the universe knew what I was doing to you.” There’s a breath of hesitation, only long enough for him to suck a mark to your skin, one that surely blossoms with reds and purples. “Because I’m greedy–” he nips at your skin as he travels lower “–and selfish–” hands slip under the hem of your shirt and goosebumps rise in the wake of his touch “–and I want you all to myself.” Seonghwa pauses his ministrations only to deprive you of your shirt, ridding the offending material and giving him more access to the unmarked skin underneath. “I would ruin you if you let me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why don’t you shut up and </span>
  <em>show me</em>
  <span> already.” You release a huff, an indignant sound that brings a laugh out of Seonghwa. He hums a bit before tilting his head to the side. The look in his eyes is nothing short of predatory and hungry, a gleam that causes the coil in your gut to tighten further. Seonghwa’s teeth graze the junction of your neck and shoulder. He bites down hard on the skin there, not hard enough to draw blood but hard enough to elicit a prolonged moan from your lips. The sound spurs him on, tongue lapping over the skin he bit to deepen the bruise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps I should go even slower then? Give you a lesson in patience instead?” Your hands are fervent on his belt, rushing to tug the leather away from his body, but he stops you by placing his own hands atop yours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you dare.” Part of you wants to hit him, the other part wants him to merely hurry up and get on with things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As you wish, princess.” His brow quirks as he pulls back to sit up straight. His hands replace yours on the belt, and he rids himself of the material with much more luck than you had. You move to divest yourself of your pants, his movements encouraging you onwards. You don’t even get them halfway down before Seonghwa is stopping you, body wholly void of clothing now. He catches your hands in his own and tugs them up in one quick movement. The action brings a heady feeling with it. Seonghwa’s strength catches you off-guard, his lithe muscles exhibiting more power than you recall him having. “You surrendered all control, love. I’ll remove the rest of your clothing when I see fit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He moves and speaks with a certain cockiness – not one that is goading like Hongjoong’s or infuriating like Yeosang’s. The lust in his tone is thick like the air between you, and as much as you want to surrender every last bit of control in your being, something is holding you back. Seonghwa seems to notice that, hand gripping your wrists like a vice and keeping you pinned to the bed with ease, but he doesn’t move any more than that. Again, his eyes are searching yours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You say that you’re being selfish but am I not the selfish one?” You whisper before you can stop yourself. Seonghwa lifts his chin, eyes darting to the side as he formulates a response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to do this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want it though.” A pause, a breath, then — “I want you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s lips draw together to form a thin line. “But you don’t want this to be nothing but a fleeting feeling. You want something that lasts, something more than what you only had a taste of before. And yet…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid to take it,” you finish for him. “When I let go of all control before, I lost so much. As much as I trust you, my mind refuses to push that thought to the side.” Seonghwa’s lips twitch into a smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Once more,” he whispers, hands sliding down to find the hem of your pants. “If it’s what you want, let’s do this once more.” He hesitates over your skin, but the burning path of his fingers lingers. He passes the choice over to you. Sets out the options for you to make the decision, gaze ever so soft as he looks down at you. “And if it’s time that you need, I can be as patient as you need me to be. Whatever it is you want this to be… whatever it is you need me to be… I’ll do it for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what if I want more after this?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t take more than what you give.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even if I ask you to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I trust your heart more than I trust the words that come from your lips. There are many ways I would wish to have you… but unfairly is not one of them. I can sense your distress, yes, but I can’t pretend to understand your heart better than you do. You’re asking me to answer a question that only you know the answer to.” As much as you don’t want to admit it, Seonghwa is correct. Even though unspoken, you are asking him to serve your emotions on a silver platter, tell you what you are currently feeling and what you’re supposed to feel.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Once more… with feeling,” you say with a nod. It’s more for yourself than it is for Seonghwa, but he smiles down at you nonetheless before leaning down to lay his forehead atop yours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t deprive you of that much.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t fully understand what he means by that. When you open your mouth to ask him though, Seonghwa cuts you off by cushioning your lips with his own again. He moves like he never missed a beat, like that pause for conversation was nothing more than a few seconds. You can tell that he’s taking your words to heart though; the kiss is slower this time, if possible. He doesn’t proceed without your encouragement, only beginning to tug your pants down when you drape your arms around his neck. You hook your legs around his waist once he completely divests you of the clothing. It only takes moments for his hand to press between your legs, nudging your folds apart to drag the pads of his fingers over the arousal pooling there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he hisses through gritted teeth as he pushes a single finger into you. Your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging roughly on the dark locks until he brings his lips back to yours. The two of you move as though in a trance, and your tongues press together fervently until you have to pull back to breathe. Seonghwa is quick to slip another finger in, curling them deep inside you, and the action has you releasing a string of throaty moans. Rather than letting your lips meet again, you drag your mouth down the smooth expanse of his neck and take the spotless skin between your teeth to repay his marks in kind. You release him with a lewd pop of your lips, a string of saliva connecting your bottom lip to his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope you still plan to fuck me senseless,” you tease through a breathy whine. Seonghwa laughs, hot breath cascading over the shell of your ear, then he catches your cartilage between his teeth. It’s meant to be a teasing action only, but he hits a nerve that has your spine curling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t dream of doing otherwise, princess.” You’re about to urge him to hurry up when his fingers slip out of you, and you instinctively tighten your thighs around his hips. His cock slides home in one swift thrust. The moan that leaves you is nothing short of obscene and loud – too loud, most likely, but you can only hope that the others are still too preoccupied with dinner to be listening in on your activities. Seonghwa sits up on his knees, hands seeking yours and your fingers thread through his without question or hesitation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes find yours. He remains completely still like that for several moments, and at first, you think it’s because he wants to give you time to adjust to his size, but even after you wiggle your hips a bit, he stays put. The heat of his stare seems to almost unmake you, take you apart bit by bit and leave you raw and bare under him. His next movement is a sudden one, but pleasurable nonetheless. It’s with a great deal of force that he pins your hands to the bed on either side of your head, cock thrusting in and out of you in a way that’s too sinful for words. You could come undone right then, but you hold on for as long as you can now that there’s uncertainty about when this might happen again. It’s not a thought you want to have and not one that should be on your mind now of all times. When Seonghwa rolls his hips against yours, the thought perishes and is overwhelmed by pleasure instead. The way in which he fucks you nearly makes you want to be selfish and greedy; it makes you want him to do the same as well, but he’s given you a chance. He’s given you patience and kindness, as much as he claims to be selfish. You want to at least honor that kindness, even if you can already guess what your answer will be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His thrusts find a faster pace, and each one seems to hit harder than the last. If not for the chorus of moans tumbling from your lips, you’re certain that you’d be able to hear the bed squeaking and straining under your combined efforts. The slide of his member inside you is pure bliss. You have to squeeze your eyes shut to keep him from seeing the way your eyes roll back from the sensation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh, fuck, </span>
  <em>f-fuck</em>
  <span>, Seong… Seonghwa,” you babble, chin dropping to the side as the heat of your orgasm approaches. “I’m go-gonna cum, please, I’m gonna cum.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cum for me then, princess,” Seonghwa purrs. The smile twisting his lips is sickeningly sweet, and all it takes is one more pointed thrust for you to come undone under him. He follows close behind, reaching his high with nothing more than a bitten-back groan. The warmth hits you hard, and even though you’re already spent, you let loose one more weak whimper before the breath leaves your lungs. Your chest heaves as you recover, and you blink violently at the ceiling past Seonghwa’s sweat-stricken face. When his lips brush your jaw, you twist so that your lips can meet, hot breath intermingling with his as he indulges you in an open-mouthed kiss. The emotion that twists in your gut is one that’s familiar, but also one that you’ve run from in the past. You felt it the first time you slept with Seonghwa, that warmth that scared you so much and overwhelmed every other sensation in your body. Strangely, it’s peace that washes over you. Not regret or pain or disgust. Just… peace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as it turns out, ‘once more’ became ‘twice more, plus once in the shower for good measure,’ but you really have no complaints about that because of the way Seonghwa fucked you while you had your face pressed to the cool tile of the shower wall. Frankly, you think that Seonghwa would have asked to go for another round if not for the dinging from his wristband and Hongjoong’s stony tone interrupting an otherwise intimate moment. Which is why you find yourself standing in Hongjoong’s quarters alongside Seonghwa in front of the captain’s desk well past the time you usually go to sleep. You wish you could blame Seonghwa for wearing you out, but it’s getting progressively difficult to keep your eyes open. He doesn’t seem affected at all himself, which is wildly unfair because Hongjoong’s drawling monotone is about to put you to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll need three teams for entry,” Hongjoong says through a sigh, paying your dragging yawn no mind. Seonghwa folds his arms over his chest and looks down at the map before Hongjoong, red and blue streaks covering the map in various places. You’ve all but forgotten what the map is supposed to represent – the capital maybe? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have Yunho down as well. Why’s that?” Seonghwa peers at Hongjoong’s unreadable expression, blinking up from the paper. Hongjoong glances between the two of you without saying anything for several moments.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In case of emergency.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What kind of emergency are you expecting if you’d bring Yunho off the ship that’s not far from the arena?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arena. That’s a word that has been popping up incessantly since this conversation began, but no one has bothered to give you an explanation as to why it’s being thrown around so much. In fact, no one has bothered to tell you much of the plan at all or what the end goal is. It just seems to be an unspoken understanding between Hongjoong and Seonghwa, and it makes you feel like nothing more than a setpiece in the conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The arena is currently run by Vladimir the Bloody.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That catches your attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know him,” you cut in, feeling more awake all of a sudden. “Well, not like </span>
  <em>personally</em>
  <span> know him, but I ran a file on him while I was in the military.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you?” Hongjoong regards you with curious eyes. You bob your head in confirmation with little enthusiasm and drag your tongue over your bottom lip before motioning down at the map. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s technically the reason I was branded a traitor. The files I stole – there centered around a black market deal between the King of Eros and Vladimir’s crew.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Corruption in the military? Who would have thought?” Hongjoong’s tone is as biting as it is sarcastic, and the laugh that follows holds the same emotion. “What was Vladimir getting out of it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Full sanction for any and all of his dealings. In return, he would sell out fellow pirate crews to the military officials nearby.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa scoffs upon hearing your explanation, arms falling to the edge of the desk as he leans over it to look Hongjoong more evenly in the eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which is why the arena is still up and running. The military shut it down for illegal gambling and cage fighting when it was under Commander Song. But if it’s under different leadership now… under Vladimir’s leadership when he has full sanction–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The military won’t bat an eyelash in his direction as long as he gives them what they want,” Hongjoong interrupts, nodding a few times in agreement. “Which makes this confrontation infinitely more difficult. Vladimir has never had respect for other crews, but… to sell them out? Have them murdered? Would he do that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you?” Seonghwa’s question is spoken in a smooth and even tone. You blink away from Hongjoong, not wanting to know the answer, and he never provides a verbal one anyway, to your great relief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to be in the forward team, but Mingi can’t come with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mingi can’t come at all,” Seonghwa insists. Perhaps you’re just stupid or slow, but the pieces finally seem to click in your mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“For six years, he fought in an arena here on Kebos before they were outlawed. He would win every single time. Every fight. Flawless record. By the time he was sixteen, he was at the top of everyone’s bet lists and at the top of the arena, which was expected because his father was in charge of the arena. He had won countless matches and beaten plenty of people. Kill after kill. Apparently, he was always eager to fight and kill. He was taught that people die every day, so no life is valuable or worthy of mercy. Death is natural, and it isn’t wrong to end someone’s life even if they’ve done nothing wrong. His body count… it’s unimaginable.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This arena – the one Vladimir runs – is it the same one Mingi fought in?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong and Seonghwa exchange a quick glance before turning to you with equally surprised and confused expressions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jo-Jongho told me about… the – yeah. He told me,” you stammer, drawing your hands close to your chest. Hongjoong hums in acknowledgment and brings a hand up to thumb at his chin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa, you and Yeosang can come with me in the forward team. Y/N, I’ll send you with Wooyoung and Yunho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Neither are fighters,” Seonghwa counters. “She’s the only one who can fight on that team.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She shouldn’t need to fight if there are no issues.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a big if, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa insists, chin dipping a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Now that you’re fucking her, you suddenly doubt her abilities to defend herself?” Hongjoong’s jeering question causes you to choke on saliva, and you cough behind the back of your hand to recover while Seonghwa manages to maintain a flat expression. “If you’re asking why I wouldn’t keep the two of you at my side, that would be too risky. You have to be at my side as my lieutenant, Seonghwa. The best way to keep Y/N safe and out of harm’s way is by–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Putting her with people who can defend her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s by putting her with people who won’t draw attention.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think Wooyoung won’t draw attention?” Seonghwa’s tone rises a little, but it doesn’t daunt Hongjoong in the slightest. The shorter man merely stands up straight and folds his arms over his chest while staring Seonghwa down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“San and Jongho can quell Mingi, Jongho better than anyone. This isn’t going to be easy for anybody on the crew, but Mingi is a priority. The two of you need to be safe, yes, but trust that I put at least a semblance of faith in your abilities to stay alive and not be taken captive. Jongho has to go with Mingi, but Yunho cannot go with them. Yeosang only trusts Yunho, Jongho, and myself to keep Wooyoung safe in his stead but refuses to let Wooyoung be anywhere near Mingi in case of emergencies. I need Yeosang at my side with you for intimidation purposes only. Yes, Y/N and San could switch places, and she could go with Jongho and Mingi. However, in the event that Mingi suffers an episode, San is better equipped to help Jongho handle it than Y/N is, considering she’s never experienced it firsthand. Don’t you see that this is the best course of action?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do, Captain,” Seonghwa responds, tone flat with defeat. “But revenge isn’t the best course of action no matter what.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand that you fear for my safety, Hwa. We both know that I didn’t become the most feared pirate in the universe without having to take risks. I need information. I need to know who my information broker really was, why they lied, why I was given a dead lead, and where the hell Jin is right now. Be it luck or fate, Y/N has given us precious time to get the answers to these questions. If anyone is going to have those answers, it’s going to be Vladimir. We’ll reconvene tomorrow to tie up the last few stray threads. The two of you can return to your… activities now. I need to make some calls.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa doesn’t offer an answer, but he doesn’t need to because Hongjoong turns away from the desk to move to another part of the office. You don’t wait for either of them to usher you out again, heading for the door without a word. Seonghwa follows you, but not without looking back at Hongjoong’s pacing form at the other end of the room. You dare to breach the topic once the door to Hongjoong’s room hisses shut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you worried?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Worried isn’t the right word for it,” Seonghwa admits, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. “I fear that this might not end the way Hongjoong hopes it to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you say that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Consider this… if you were forced to suddenly returned to the military without warning, forced back into the place you hate the most and have the most regrets, how would you feel?” Seonghwa pauses, but it isn’t to let you formulate an answer. He turns to look at Hongjoong’s door and blinks at the metal with an expression void of emotion. “He’s going to unmake Mingi if he isn’t careful. I don’t think he realizes that.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: i almost said surprise but then remembered that i am in fact 30 minutes late sdfjuisdhfuih okay but anyway! hello yes! first chapter of act four! how do we feel! i feel like not a lot happened? this acts as a big set up for what’s to come and there are so many hints and crumbs scattered throughout this chapter asfoijsdofij okay but anyway yes i hope you guys enjoy lemme know what you think :3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Act Four - Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Hongjoong said that you would reconvene the next day to discuss the plans further, you expected it to be quick and easy. Instead, one day turned into six and a half days that consisted of playing a waiting game. No one was allowed on the bridge aside from Seonghwa – even Mingi was told that he couldn’t take his regular post at the captain’s side, which left the bitter taste of curiosity in your mouth. And since you and Seonghwa are on a break from your regular physical activities, you haven’t been able to ask him what the hell is going on because he spends all his time on the bridge talking with Hongjoong because you don’t get to see him. You aren’t bitter or anything – honestly and truly, you aren’t – but it does feel a bit strange to go from sleeping in the same bed as someone every other day and having a certain level of intimacy with them to not even seeing the back of their head for almost a week. The one time you did see Seonghwa, it was so brief that if you had blinked, you would have missed him and the rushed greeting and farewell he gave you on his way to the bridge.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe you are a tad bitter, but only because you would have appreciated a better explanation than the silence you got instead.</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong’s strange and unexplained delay in conducting his plans led to a spike in stress throughout the crew. You would assume that having this downtime and not having to do anything would be something they enjoy and look forward to, but that’s limited to being able to leave the ship on said downtime. No one has been allowed to set foot off the ship according to a vague order over the ship’s intercoms. Despite the much-needed rest, you have to admit that even you are growing tired of it. You spend your days reading about Sirens in your room, sparring with Jongho or San, or just milling about the ship with little purpose because there isn’t much to do. More quality time spent in each other’s presence isn’t always good though. This whole situation has caused a spike in Wooyoung’s complaints about the food primarily because Jongho has been the only one cooking in Seonghwa’s absence.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just saying that if you lowered the heat on the stove, maybe the food would be so burnt!” Wooyoung’s voice rings through the mess hall before you even reach the archway leading into the room.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s called flavor, Wooyoung!” Jongho argues back, dark head of hair coming into view as you cross the threshold. You don’t even bother looking over to where the food waits because if Wooyoung is this loud in his complaints already, then it’s worse than usual.</p><p> </p><p>“The eggs are black, Jongho. Black! How do you even manage to do that?” Wooyoung scoffs, leaning back in his seat as he motions down at his plate. Yeosang is at the man’s side as always though he doesn’t engage in the conversation happening before him. He still bears the same cloth sling that he’s been wearing since that explosion in the marketplace. As much as he insists that he’s fine, Yunho continues to make him wear it just to be sure that he won’t tear anything.</p><p> </p><p>And, speaking of Yunho, he’s the first to greet you as you draw closer to the table. He lifts his hand to offer a gentle wave but says nothing more than that because Jongho is still hellbent on getting the last word.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I don’t appreciate this kind of attack. Your tone is very hostile and accusatory, and I’m not really vibing with it in all honesty.”</p><p> </p><p>You huff out a weak laugh at Jongho’s comment, stepping around the man to sit between Yunho and San when they make space for you.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not vibing with eggs that look like gravel! We can’t all vibe with what we wanna vibe with!” Wooyoung protests as he slaps his hand against the table. The silverware and plates shudder at the impact, but Jongho remains unblinking, lips drawn into a fierce pout.</p><p> </p><p>“Suit yourself. More for the rest of us!”</p><p> </p><p>“More for you,” Yunho cuts in with a quick shake of his head.</p><p> </p><p>“And only you,” San adds a moment later.</p><p> </p><p>“All of you are cruel. At least I can rely on Y/N to treat me better than this.” Jongho angles his chin towards you, and you resist the urge to look over at him. You’re certain that he’s going to be wearing those damn puppy dog eyes that he’s too good at, and you are more than slightly susceptible to. “Wow, nevermind! She’s not even gonna look at me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Careful, Jongho. She might be cranky. She hasn’t fucked in maybe a week with our dear lieutenant always on the bridge.” Jongho chokes on his coffee, Wooyoung’s eyes all but bulge out of his head, and San coughs to cover the laugh that threatens to breach his lips. Only Yeosang maintains a sense of normalcy, but you can spot the hint of a smirk as he hides behind his coffee mug. You swing an elbow into Yunho’s side, hitting him square in the ribs, and he yelps from the impact. “Ow! Hey, rude!”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you,” you huff.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? Okay, what time? I’ll gladly clear my schedule for some fun.” Yunho props his elbow up on the table and angles his chin to look you in the eye. You glare in response to the teasing gleam there, opting not to give him the pleasure of hearing another response from you.</p><p> </p><p>“Breakfast is always so much fun, isn’t it?” San teases, pulling his arm up to rest on your shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t we have one breakfast with Yunho making things about sex?” Wooyoung whines as he slumps forward on the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Why is everyone cranky except for me?” Yunho scoffs. “It isn’t like you all have never had sex, I don’t see what the big issue is! Why can’t I just chat abo–”</p><p> </p><p>“Can it, horndog!” Wooyoung interrupts, and he chucks a wadded up napkin at Yunho’s forehead a moment later.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine! Just remember that one day, I’m gonna stop talking altogether, and you lot are going to regret having ever been mean to me about talking too much.” Yunho purses his lips, drawing his arms up to cross over his broad chest, and Wooyoung shakes his head in response.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, you idiot! Shut up because someone is present,” he hisses out. His index finger comes up to jab in the opposite direction, and you have to swivel your head to see what exactly he’s pointing at. Yunho does the same, but his expression melts into a neutral one in an instant. Mingi stands at the other side of the room, oblivious to the eyes upon him and as stoic as ever. The talk at the table falls quiet. It’s such a sudden shift that it sends you reeling, especially since you haven’t seen Mingi in the mess hall since – well, you can’t recall ever seeing him here. The tension and discomfort in the air is palpable. You consider breaking the silence, but Yunho’s flitting eyes and Wooyoung’s suddenly stiff muscles convince you not to. Rather, it’s Jongho who cuts through it.</p><p> </p><p>“God, can’t you all act normal around him?” He pushes himself up and turns to where Mingi lingers near the edge of the room.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m confused,” you mutter, shifting your head to look in San’s direction. He looks back at you with lips drawn tight together. They relax after a moment, and San opens his mouth to say something. The words never come out because Jongho interrupts the train of thought with a booming tone that echoes through the hall.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Mingi just said he loves my eggs, you rat!” It’s obvious who the comment is directed at, and Wooyoung is quick to respond with an equally loud scoff.</p><p> </p><p>“He is only saying that to make you feel better. He knows how bad they really are!” Wooyoung huffs. You try to relax your shoulders as the hanging tension begins to thin and dissipate. Jongho all but drags Mingi closer to the table where you all sit, but once the pair gets within three feet of you, Mingi halts. Jongho tugs his arm a little to no avail because Mingi still shakes his head and refuses to budge.</p><p> </p><p>“I think… they would feel safer if I stay at this table instead,” Mingi says, tone hesitant. His tongue darts out to drag over his lower lip, and his gaze lands on each person at the table before settling on you. Jongho doesn’t push him any further though and lets Mingi move towards the other table instead. Yunho lets his gaze flit between Jongho and Mingi, watching the silent exchange before huffing out a sigh and standing up himself. He goes to sit beside the taller Berserker without a word and doesn’t bother bringing his food or coffee with him as he drops to the bench, elbows propped up on the edge of the table. He’s almost tall enough to stretch across the space between the tables with his legs alone, and you’re sure that he could if he put in the effort.</p><p> </p><p>You don’t face forward right away. Mingi’s presence looms behind you like a ticking time bomb. Even if the tension is slowly ebbing away, you can still clearly see that everyone is on edge. Maybe it is only because you’ve all been stuck on the ship for so long, perhaps everyone is on edge and tense because of that, but you know that Mingi is an influential factor regardless. It’s suddenly everywhere in the room: in Yeosang’s sharp eyes narrowing on Mingi’s form, Wooyoung’s shifting weight as he glances over at the Berserker every so often, the hand that San inches across the bench to brush against the nape of your back. Jongho and Yunho stay close to Mingi, but it doesn’t seem like a gesture meant to be solely friendly. It looks more like a blockade than anything else. The way Yunho stretches his legs out to cover more distance, his body facing towards your table rather than the opposite way, and Jongho finding a statuesque position evenly between the tables with arms pressed firmly against his hips.</p><p> </p><p>It isn’t necessarily Mingi or his aura that makes you uncomfortable and tense. It’s the crew’s reaction to his presence in the mess hall that does that. Normal conversation slips back in, though it doesn’t help to ease the discomfort churning in your gut.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell is taking Hongjoong and Seonghwa so long anyway?” Wooyoung asks, slumping over the table after pushing his plate of unfinished food out of the way. “It’s been a week. What kind of plans are they making for a week?”</p><p> </p><p>“Big ones?” San offers with a half-smirk stretching his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Haha, you’re so funny, San. Have I ever mentioned that? How funny you are? Because you’re fucking hilarious.” Wooyoung doesn’t try to hide the overexaggerated roll of his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“In all seriousness though, I have no idea. They could be playing a waiting game, just like the rest of us.”</p><p> </p><p>“A waiting game for what?” Wooyoung shifts a bit in his seat. Yeosang glances over in his direction and seems to pick up on something that no one else does because he pushes closer to the dark-haired man until their shoulders rub against each other. The simple touch releases some of the tension in Wooyoung’s shoulder in a fraction of a second.</p><p> </p><p>“Given where we are, it would be no surprise if they needed to wait like the rest of us,” San explains through a sigh. “Especially with what happened the last time you were out and about in the city.” If you didn’t already know what San is referring to, you would be able to tell just from the way Wooyoung and Yeosang look at one another, eyes sad to a degree, and Wooyoung pushes a hand back to brush against the one that hangs out of Yeosang’s sling.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been a long time since Hongjoong was this patient,” Jongho notes as he finally takes his eyes off Mingi. “Do you think something happened?”</p><p> </p><p>You know why he’s patient all of a sudden. The reason is you. Your identity as a Siren, your revelation to him a little over a week ago, and the fact that Hongjoong has two Sirens in his grasp rather than just one. You can’t very well come out and say that however; you don’t need the rest of the crew treating you like anything less or more than what you are. Nor do you need them doubting your abilities all of a sudden like Seonghwa did (another thing you aren’t bitter about in the slightest). If it were up to you, you would make sure that none of them found out. The underlying need to be appreciated and wanted for who you are rather than what you are outweighs the desire to explain Hongjoong’s patience.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve got no clue.” San shrugs, casting Jongho an uninterested glance before returning to his coffee.</p><p> </p><p>“Being on Kebos sucks ass.” Wooyoung huffs air through his nose, but the sound is masked entirely by a sudden clatter behind you. San’s grip shifts to your hip and squeezes tight before he turns around. It’s a split second shift, and the tension spikes tenfold. Wooyoung claps his hand over his mouth, eyes growing impossibly wide. You dare to turn with the rest and stare directly at Mingi. The sight before you, however, is an entirely normal one.</p><p> </p><p>Mingi sits in the same position as before. He hasn’t even budged. You wouldn’t be able to tell that something is wrong if not for the next words that come out of his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re on… Kebos?” It isn’t clear who he is talking to because he keeps his chin dipped to his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“No! Uh, I just meant that — I was thinking about it. We were talking about it. Earlier!” Wooyoung exclaims as he drops his hand to the table. That turns out to be a mistake, however; he releases a cry of pain the second his hand connects with the metal, pulling away and cradling the limb to his chest. Yeosang lunges to shield Wooyoung from view, but he doesn’t move fast enough thanks to the awkward position at the table and one of his arms being out of commission. There’s a flash of crimson trickling down Wooyoung’s arm. Yeosang’s weight slams into Wooyoung, and the two topple off the bench and thrash a little before hitting the ground at a painful angle. Wooyoung takes the brunt of the impact, Yeosang falling on top of him with a grunt.</p><p> </p><p>When you glance down at the table again, there’s a knife beside Yeosang’s plate, one that has the same shade of crimson as Wooyoung’s arm coating the blade. It isn’t difficult to figure out what happened. San notices the knife the exact moment you do. He jerks and stretches across the table to knock it off the edge, and the blade clatters a few times before skidding across the metal floor. You don’t dare move a muscle. San leans closer to you, lips grazing the shell of your ear as he turns back to Mingi.</p><p> </p><p>“Move to the other side of the table,” he mutters. “Don’t make any sudden movements.” You’re tempted to nod, but the warning in San’s tone prevents you from even doing that much. So instead, you slide across the bench as slowly as possible to do as asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Mingi,” Jongho starts. From your new position, you can clearly see what was going on, and Mingi’s gaze is firmly fixated on the spot where the bloodied knife just sat. “How’s the weather up there?”</p><p> </p><p>Mingi doesn’t respond. His hands are trembling in his lap without cease, and even as San slides to block his line of sight, he remains stuck in place.</p><p> </p><p>“Mingi…” Yunho stretches a hand towards the Berserker. He barely makes contact with the man’s shoulder, but it triggers a visceral response in Mingi. The speed he moves with is almost a blur. Next thing you know, Mingi has Yunho sprawled on the floor with his hands straining around the healer’s neck. “F-Fuck. Jongho, ge–” Mingi cuts the words short by squeezing tighter.</p><p> </p><p>“Mingi, can you hear me?” Jongho asks, stepping closer to where Mingi has Yunho pinned. He moves slowly still, no rush or panic in his steps or tone. “Mingi.”</p><p> </p><p>“Y-Yes, yes. Yes, I can – I can hear you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can you still move your hands?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not re… no, yes. I can.” Mingi’s fingers flex around Yunho’s neck. He relieves some of the pressure on the other man, letting him gasp in deep breaths of air.</p><p> </p><p>“You need to let go of Yunho.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can.”</p><p> </p><p>“No! No, I can’t. They–”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re hurting him, Mingi,” Jongho murmurs, squatting beside the pair. He doesn’t reach out to touch Mingi the way Yunho did, but he doesn’t need to. Mingi listens, understands, and slowly but surely his grip on Yunho’s neck alleviates until it’s gone altogether.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean to — I wasn’t trying t–”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, Mingi.” Jongho drops a hand to Mingi’s shoulder at last. This time, Mingi sits still and lets himself sink into the touch. Jongho tugs him ever so gently off Yunho, allowing the older man to roll out from under Mingi’s weight and get to his knees further away from Mingi. “Can you stand up?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah… yeah, I can.”</p><p> </p><p>“Cool, let’s get up then, yeah? We can talk somewhere quieter.”</p><p> </p><p>The silence in the room is suffocating, so you aren’t what on earth he means by that, but Mingi just nods in agreement and pulls himself to his feet. Jongho’s hand remains clenched around his shoulder. There’s too much pressure around his knuckles for it to merely be a comforting touch; it’s a secure and robust grip, one that keeps Mingi in check as Jongho guides him out of the mess hall without even looking back. You aren’t sure how much time passes, but no one moves for a long time after both Berserkers leave. Yunho’s chest heaves as he reaches up to rub at the reddened skin around his throat. Wooyoung and Yeosang are still on the floor behind you, both sitting up now, and San remains rigid like a statue in his seat across the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Wooyoung, let me look at your hand,” Yunho says after a long while, voice a bit raspy. Wooyoung scrambles to get to his feet and meet Yunho halfway.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’m sorry. I forgot. I know I wasn’t supposed to say anything but I–”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not your fault, Woo,” Yunho murmurs as he pulls Wooyoung’s hand away from his chest and examines the cut on his palm. “He was doing well until I touched him so… the blame falls on my shoulders as well.” A sigh escapes him. “You won’t need stitches, but I need to clean it and dress it. Head to the medbay; I’ll meet you there in a few minutes. Yeosang, you can go with him.”</p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t coming right away?” Wooyoung inquires, head tilting to the side in echo to his question.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to tell Hongjoong what happened.” Yunho brings a hand up to his pale hair and runs his long fingers through the locks, eyes squeezed shut for several seconds.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N and I can do that, Yunho,” San interrupts. He motions to where you’re sitting, and the sudden attention has you straightening your back and nodding a few times. “Take care of Wooyoung and yourself first.”</p><p> </p><p>You expect some sort of denial from Yunho, but one glance at Wooyoung has him nodding in agreement before leading the way out of the mess hall. You and San are suddenly very alone in the large room. The weight of what just happened begins to sink in, one thing nagging at the forefront of your mind more than anything else.</p><p> </p><p>Mingi apologized. Not just a half-assed emotionless apology either. His tone held guilt, and it was clear that he genuinely felt bad about nearly choking Yunho to death.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey…” San is suddenly at your side, hand rubbing between your shoulder blades, and you jerk your head to look up at his face. “You okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” you agree quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not a pretty sight, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve never seen something like… that. Fights, sure. But t-that was so–”</p><p> </p><p>“Sudden?”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly,” you confirm through a sigh. With a small shake of your head, you push up from the table and step over the bench to stand beside San.</p><p> </p><p>“Mingi is a hand grenade with a hairpin trigger, but he isn’t that way intentionally. He is trying to get better. We have good days and bad days with him, then we have days like today. Rough but productive. There was a time when Mingi wouldn’t have hesitated to kill Yunho, and there was a time when he couldn’t even be in the same room as us.” San offers a shrug before motioning to the other end of the mess hall opposite the doors Yunho and the others left out of.</p><p> </p><p>“So, this is normal or…?” You trail off before finishing the question, staying close to San’s side as he leads the way to the bridge.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you could say that. I know it’s not something that you’ve gotten the pleasure of seeing or witnessing, but this has happened several times since you joined the crew.”</p><p> </p><p>“He didn’t want to hurt Yunho,” you note in a quiet tone.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, he didn’t. He never wants to hurt anyone, especially not anyone on the crew. He wants to have a reason to hurt someone before doing so. He has no qualms with hurting or killing someone who hurts one of us first. Or even threatens us for that matter.” San hesitates to look down at you. “Mingi is a lot like you and me in actuality. He has these ghosts of the past that haunt him. A guilt he’s grown into and a burden on his shoulders. The person he used to be isn’t the person he wants to be now. Unlike us, however, he doesn’t have the luxury of knowing and understanding his own emotions. He was conditioned to ignore them and block them out. Robbed of basic knowledge on how emotions work. So he has a harder time because he has to relearn what it means to feel things. It’s one thing to kill and feel nothing, but another to kill and not understand why you’re in pain.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then he had a visceral reaction to hearing that we’re on Kebos because of what? Since this is where he was born and raised? Or because he feels like he’s being forced back?”</p><p> </p><p>“Part of him fears that he’ll be the same person he used to be, and that being on Kebos will reawaken that part of him. Or that he won’t be able to hold the voices back and turn back into the monster he used to be.”</p><p> </p><p>“The voices?” You glance at San out the corner of your eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, like flashbacks but without the visual hallucinations.” San cracks a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I know what you mean by voices, smartass. I was asking about what he hears.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know. He hears the cheering from the arena most of the time. Cries for blood and death. Other times he will hear his master’s voice telling him to kill. But from what I understand, it’s constant. They never leave him alone, even when he’s asleep.” San comes to a halt, and it’s only when you glance forward that you realize you’ve made it to Hongjoong’s office. There’s a faint din coming from inside, rapidly exchanged words that you can’t make out, but you’re certain that it’s Seonghwa and Hongjoong. San knocks his knuckles against the door several times. The voices fall silent, then the sound of Seonghwa clearing his throat breaches the door. Three seconds later, the door slides open to reveal the dark-haired lieutenant. He looks like he hasn’t slept a single day in the whole week that has passed since you saw him last, but you don’t have time to dwell on that fact because San is already speaking on your left.</p><p> </p><p>“Mingi had an episode in the mess hall.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: okay ngl i feel like this chapter is a bit of a mess so im sorry for that ;-; i couldn’t get a chance to sit down and write it in one sitting and make everything as cohesive as i wanted and i ended up cutting some bits so that i could shift them into the next chapter instead so we’re left with this hot mess 😭</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Act Four - Part Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Mingi had an episode in the mess hall.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Captain–” Seonghwa swivels to call Hongjoong forward, but the captain has already stood up and made his way over to the door. He comes to a halt not far behind Seonghwa, eyes trained on San and no one else. There’s only silence for several moments, and you aren’t sure what to make of it until Hongjoong dares to speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lieutenant, I want the crew here in less than five minutes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>All</em>
  <span> the crew?” Seonghwa inquires. Hongjoong pauses, inhaling a breath so deep that you can see the way his chest puffs a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Minus Mingi,” he responds after a breath of hesitation. Seonghwa nods and steps around you, no doubt trying to get to the comms station outside. He pauses next to you though, and you shift to look at him at the same time that he glances down at you. His lips part, and words are on his tongue, yet they are words that never reach your ears because Hongjoong speaks again before he has the chance. “Seonghwa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tone is firm enough to cause Seonghwa to move again, and he leaves your side to escape the room. It leaves you with the bitter taste of curiosity on the back of your tongue, wondering what he intended to say and what was on his mind for the past week and why he couldn’t at least visit you </span>
  <em>once</em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“If it’s what you want, let’s do this once more. And if it’s time that you need, I can be as patient as you need me to be. Whatever it is you want this to be… whatever it is you need me to be… I’ll do it for you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unless his definition of patience somehow became avoidance, you cannot figure out where this sudden change came from or why it’s happening. You have better and more important things to worry about for the time being though. Your woes surrounding Seonghwa will have to wait for another time because Hongjoong is clearing his throat again and look between you and San with expectant eyes. He somehow bears even darker circles than Seonghwa did, but even with the exhaustion on his features, he seems as awake and alert as ever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll ask for a deeper explanation once the others are here but…” Hongjoong trails off, voice dying before he can finish the thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everyone is still in one piece, yes,” San finishes. His presumption must be accurate because Hongjoong fully exhales the breath he’s been holding in since before Seonghwa left. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyone hurt?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung sliced his hand open, but that was unrelated.” Hongjoong opens his mouth again less than a second later, but San beats him to it once more. “Mingi is okay as well, as is everyone else as far as I’m aware. When they left, that was the case.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A whooshing sound echoes through the room, and Hongjoong stands up a bit straighter as Seonghwa steps back into the office, looking a bit more somber than before. You twist to watch him enter. He isn’t alone this time either; Jongho is the first to enter behind him, followed by Wooyoung and Yeosang, who has his hand wrapped tight around Wooyoung’s, and finally Yunho walks in with his head dipped to his chest. Seeing him in such a state of disarray is disconcerting, to say the least, and painful nonetheless. You can hardly look away from the blossoming bruises over his neck, ones that are splotchy and red right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong doesn’t wait for everyone to file in and line up before unleashing his barrage of questions, but his impatience doesn’t surprise you in the slightest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened? What was the trigger? How long did it take to get under control? Did you have to use force to stop him, or was he able to overcome it on his own?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one responds right away. You can’t recall a time when the air has ever been so still and quiet. It would be disconcerting if you did not know the reason behind it, but that much is obvious considering what went down in the mess hall less than two hours ago. Then Wooyoung starts speaking, or at least tries to when –</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I triggered him,” Yunho cuts in, lifting his head for the first time and looking Hongjoong directly in the eye. “I brought up – I mentioned Kebos on accident.” Wooyoung’s eyes grow to an impossible width, and he seems to be half a breath from countering Yunho’s false confession, but yet again, the taller man doesn’t give him a chance. “And I panicked a bit too much without realizing how it would affect him. It trigg – </span>
  <em>I</em>
  <span> triggered the episode.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know better, Yunho,” Hongjoong replies, tone barely above a whisper. It holds no contempt or anger; frankly, all you can hear is the interlacing confusion in his words, as though he can’t believe that Yunho of all people would make such a mistake. He wouldn’t be wrong to think so in any case, but it’s still something you don’t understand in the slightest. Yunho swallows around nothing, and his tongue darts out to moisten his thin lips before retreating back into his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I messed up.” Yunho drops his eyes to the floor. His shoulders begin to sag bit by bit, and you aren’t even sure he’s doing it intentionally with the pace his body moves at. Jongho takes the chances to divert the subject, stepping forward just enough to draw Hongjoong’s attention off Yunho.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It didn’t take more than ten minutes to get everything under control. He didn’t have a bad episode. I would say it was a more mild one, but he did hurt Yunho in the process. No force needed to stop him; however, I was able to talk him down and bring him back in one piece.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong releases a deep sigh, bringing a hand up to rub at his forehead, then he turns on his heel and moves back towards his desk. Seonghwa is quick to follow; he steps around you and San to draw closer to the captain. His hand ghosts over your back as he goes, and for a moment, you think you imagined the sensation, but Seonghwa confirms its presence when he glances back at you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How is Wooyoung’s injury?” Hongjoong inquires after a long bout of silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Recovering. He’ll be fine: more shaken up than anything else. It caught him – all of us off-guard,” Yunho explains. He doesn’t lift his gaze from the floor. The way his shoulders slump forward is a clear sign of his guilt towards the situation, but he opts not to voice any further grievances or explanations. Hongjoong hums in reply before shifting his gaze to Jongho.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And how is Mingi?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Upset. He says I should have used a gun and ended it there. I talked him down from a worse episode than this one though, so… baby steps.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Baby steps,” Hongjoong echoes, lips barely moving. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Progress is progress, Captain,” Jongho speaks up again, tone a bit louder than before. “That’s better than nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right… Could’ve afforded faster progress though, but I suppose we don’t have a say in that matter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should discuss the mission,” Seonghwa whispers when silence envelops the room again. “While everyone is present.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, yes, the mission. The plan is –” Hongjoong slips around the backside of his desk, motioning down at the mess of papers atop it “–information gathering. That’s all. We’ve been going back and forth on what the plan would be exactly for the past week, and the agreem–conclusion was that it’s best to gather intel where we can and leave.” Hongjoong seems to want to say something more. His gaze flits over to where Seonghwa now stands close to his desk, but he doesn’t add to his thoughts, merely sending a somewhat annoyed stare at the back of his lieutenant’s head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We will have a lot more luck if that’s the case,” Seonghwa says without looking back at Hongjoong. “Gathering the intel and leaving the planet before the military can sniff us out, or before something worse happens.” You know Seonghwa is looking to you for some sort of reaction to the mention of the military, but you manage to conceal your expression long enough for his gaze to pass onto someone else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have settled an agreement with Vladimir. We will be meeting in three days to discuss my questions and the information I’m after, and once our conversation comes to a close, he will name his price. The meeting place is at the arena during one of his matches.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t that a bit…?” San cuts it but trails off before he can finish the thought. The hesitation makes sense, as does the confusion about the situation. You can’t imagine Hongjoong would easily agree to such a dangerous agreement. Should Vladimir request something Hongjoong doesn’t want to give, then what? Would he ask for a Siren? Information about them? Maybe he would just ask for you and be done with it because of the bounty on your head. Or perhaps he would opt to take all of you and collect a lifetime’s worth of money. There are too many ‘if’s and ‘maybe’s. The lack of certainties in this plan already is concerning, to say the least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have worked a few things out through our previous chats. Monetary compensation only, and nothing else.” Hongjoong dispels your concerns in an instant with those words, and you find yourself exhaling a breath of relief. San’s eyes dart over to you, concern glistening over his dark orbs before he returns to staring forward. “Seonghwa and Yeosang will be at my side throughout the whole meeting. I will not be allowed to keep an earpiece or a wristband on my being throughout the meeting, but both Seonghwa and Yeosang will have them. Seonghwa will serve as a broadcast for the conversation, and you all will be able to hear every word being said. It is also a failsafe in the event that… and we hope this won’t be an issue, but a failsafe for if things turn south. Understand so far?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A myriad of nods and murmurs of approval greet Hongjoong, his eyes shifting from person to person until he reaches Seonghwa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, now — we will also have a right-wing team. Since this meeting is happening inside the arena, we will need teams to move through both wings of the stadium. The right team will consist of Yunho, Wooyoung, and Y/N.” The plans for that haven’t changed in the past week, but the way Seonghwa presses his lips tighter together is more than enough evidence to tell you that it was a lost battle on his part. He isn’t the first to protest the arrangement though – it’s Yeosang who steps forward, arm pulling away from Wooyoung’s as he draws closer to Hongjoong. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That team doesn’t have a strong enough defense. If something were to happen, they would be at a tactical disadvantage. And you know that I do–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hear the rest of the plan first, Yeosang,” Hongjoong counters. “You’ll understand the logic behind it once I finish.” Yeosang’s lips fall shut, teeth almost clattering together as he snaps them together, and he lets Wooyoung tug his sleeve to pull him back to his original place. “As I was saying, the right-wing team will consist of those three with the main purpose of being scouts. Just meant to be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary, whether that be soldiers, snipers, or generally suspicious things. Now, for the left team, the purpose will be similar but not the same. Jongho, you’ll lead the team. San and Mingi will follow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What follows is a jumbled mess of words that makes little sense in your mind, but you manage to pick out a few words here and there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mingi?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong, that’s–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t be serious!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quiet,” Hongjoong orders, lifting one hand above his head just a bit. Silence falls over the room without hesitation, and all the voices die into nothingness as Hongjoong lifts his chin to stare out over his crew. “I am well aware that there are many concerns to take into account in this decision. It is not set in stone yet, and most certainly not something I’m confident in doing knowing that he had an episode not too long ago–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, not too long ago as in less than two hours ago!” Jongho snaps. Hongjoong meets his fiery gaze with one that contains equal heat, barely flinching as the Berserker hurls the words his way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know better than anyone what the risks are, Jongho. As does Yunho. So enlighten us a bit, and explain what those risks are.” Hongjoong clenches his fists against the desk. Jongho doesn’t answer right away; his lips stutter and mouth meaningless words that never reach the air. The captain turns to Yunho next, eyes searching and demanding an answer that still doesn’t come. “If it can be avoided, I would like to know. But leaving Mingi on the ship </span>
  <em>alone</em>
  <span> is the last thing I want to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then let me stay behind with him,” Yunho insists, but the words hold no confidence or certainty. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not an option, Yunho. We have to have a right-wing team, and I cannot send Wooyoung and Y/N alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Scrap the left team and keep me on the ship with Mingi then!” Jongho takes a quick step forward. For a second, his red eyes flash with a barely contained rage, and out the corner of your eye, you see Seonghwa discreetly lower a hand to the holster residing on his right thigh. “San and Y/N can take the left-wing, and Yunho and Wooyoung can take the right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? And leave Yunho and Wooyoung without any defense whatsoever? How is that a good plan, Jongho?” Hongjoong chastises. Jongho seems to at least see the logic in those words, shoulders losing some of their tension as he withdraws from Hongjoong’s desk a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There are too many… I don’t even know where to begin with the list of bad things that could happen if you bring Mingi into that arena,” he murmurs with his gaze glued to the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Risks! Then what are the damn risks?” Hongjoong slams a fist against the table, eyes narrowing on Yunho and Jongho where they stand near your side. Yunho purses his lips and shakes his head, an evident lack of knowledge concerning what Hongjoong asks. Jongho, however, avoids Hongjoong’s stare like it’s a plague spread by sight. “Jongho, give me an answer. Best case scenario?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Best case scenario is that Mingi goes fucking psycho,” Jongho relents, giving an answer to Hongjoong’s desperate questions at last. “And I somehow manage to quell him before something worse happens.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And worst?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Worst is that he goes fucking psycho and kills me, which means the none of you have a way to stop him without killing him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The odds aren’t pretty in the slightest. It doesn’t take a genius to see that. Hongjoong doesn’t seem to be backing down though; he still seems adamant about bringing Mingi along despite the risks. The captain sinks to his chair without a word, hands pressed hard against his temples. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yunho, give me something. </span>
  <em>Anything</em>
  <span>.” Hongjoong’s tone is nothing short of desperate. On your left, Seonghwa grinds his teeth together and avoids looking at Hongjoong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have an… idea,” Yunho starts, tone barely above a whisper. It isn’t hard to see that he’s hesitant and nervous about whatever it is he’s thinking. Again, you find yourself wallowing in shock. First, Hongjoong’s brash and bold facade falling away, and now Yunho’s arrogant and know-it-all attitude? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yunho.” Desperation doesn’t sound pretty falling from Hongjoong’s lips. You’ve decided that much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I could carry it out in good conscience. It’s a bit – well, it’s unethical.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeong Yunho, I could care less about </span>
  <em>ethics</em>
  <span> right now. But if you don’t hurry up and spit it out, I will have no qualms with putting your head through a wall.” The threat falls on deaf ears, and Yunho doesn’t seem daunted by Hongjoong’s words in the slightest. Still, he heaves a deep breath and continues to speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s a way to, uh, accelerate a hard reset. I’ve been looking into it over the past few days since Y/N told me what the military did to her. According to my research, the military uses a serum – injected into the arm once – then sends several electric pulses to the brain. They often add a narcotic given orally so that the patient doesn’t feel any pain throughout the process.” Yunho’s gaze shifts over to you. “It effectively wipes the memory of the patient.” The gleam in his eyes is almost expectant, like he’s waiting for you to have some sort of reaction. And you do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Strong arms yanking you forward, fingers closed around your bicep. Weak cries for help and attempts to pull away. A cold chair against your back, then the touch of rough leather straps coming over your wrists and ankles. Writhing and kicking to get out of the chair, only to be hit across the temple with a sharp jab. A stab of a needle, a syringe going into your skin, a strange blue liquid being pushed into you. Warmth, then the feeling of your blood turning to ice. Your mouth forced open and something being shoved deep inside. Red. So much red. Hands coming down on your head. Then – nothing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t realize what’s going on around you until several sets of eyes snap to focus on you. Frankly, you think that you’re handling the trauma quite well. Still on your feet, at least even if you can’t think thanks to the rush of blood in your ears. You imagine that you even manage a tight-lipped smile in Yunho’s direction – an assurance that you are just </span>
  <em>fine</em>
  <span>. That was a minor miscalculation, as it turns out, and all of a sudden, San’s hand is on the back of your neck, cradling your head when your knees buckle and you nearly fall to the ground. It’s embarrassing more than anything else, especially with the heat of Hongjoong’s stare on you and your determination to not be weak in front of him. You seem to be proving anything but the fact that you’re strong. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>San’s touch is too much. It sears your skin, fills your head and overwhelms you in seconds, and you do hit the ground this time, although it only consists of your knees hitting the metal underneath you. San chases you, hands seeking purchase on your waist and shoulder, but you swat the offending limbs away before he can touch you. It reminds you too much of that dark room, the hands closing around your temples, and the cold liquid filling your veins until you could feel nothing else. The memory that has been buried for years and years coming forward again, stronger than ever before. Your head feels as though it’s being split open with a dull knife, but you can’t even manage to cry out from the pain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” you hiss out between gritted teeth. San’s hands remain close though, ready to make contact if need be. Seonghwa has angled his body in your direction, and his brows are so closely knit that you can hardly see the skin between them. He doesn’t move though, staying as far away as he is without making any effort to come closer. Hongjoong barely bats a lash in your direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Will he have a similar reaction?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho’s gaze flits between you and Hongjoong, mouth hanging open and failing to produce words for what feels like hours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-He – possibly. Yes, he might,” he manages after some time. “In the event we discuss it. I… Y/N went years without remembering what happened, though. He could remember nothing depending on how effective the process is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How quickly can you complete the procedure?” Hongjoong’s tone has grown cold and emotionless, face as rigid as a statue. You would believe that he’s an Elitist at that moment if you didn’t know better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong, you – you can’t be seriously considering this,” Seonghwa stammers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long will it take, Healer?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho presses his lips together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should be able to complete the procedure in no more than an hour. All Mingi needs to do is have ample time to recover physically. Maybe a day at most. I – I would need the serum they use. I can’t make it myself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That can be arranged. We can find a source and dispatch a team to collect it within a day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t be serious about this,” Jongho growls, stepping forward once more, but this time he doesn’t stop until he hits the edge of the desk. His hand darts out and snatches the collar of Hongjoong’s shirt. Seonghwa lunges into action, hand gliding over the table before rising up to press against Jongho’s neck. There’s a glimmer of silver, and it’s only then when you notice the blade in Seonghwa’s hand, one that is digging into Jongho’s skin without relent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yunho, we’ll have what you need within a day,” Hongjoong continues without so much as batting a lash at Jongho’s aggression. “You should be prepared to conduct the procedure day after tomorrow, and that will give you enough time to finish it and help Mingi recover for the mission the next day. You all are dismissed for the time being.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one moves despite the order. If Hongjoong is surprised or angered by that, he doesn’t let it show on his expression.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you do this, I won’t forgive you,” Jongho hisses. His knuckles go white from the pressure of his clenched fist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be mistaken, Jongho. I don’t need your forgiveness for anything I do.” Seonghwa’s hand twitches, and the blade drags over Jongho’s skin. A few droplets of blood glide down to the hilt of the knife. “Should my decisions upset you that deeply, then you are welcome to leave the crew as you see fit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho jerks backward, hand falling down to his side, and from where you kneel on the ground, you can clearly see the anguish that paints his expression. His chest heaves a bit from the deep breaths he’s gasping in, but words fail him for several moments. The whole situation unfolding before you feels like a fever dream, something so surreal and confusing and painful, but somehow that only gets worse. You couldn’t describe the pain that blossoms in your chest when Jongho utters his next words if you wanted to; all you know is that it’s such a tangible pain that you feel it through your whole body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I’ll pack my things and be gone in the morning.” A startled and choked sob bursts from Wooyoung’s lips, and his hand reaches up to clap over his mouth just as quickly. He attempts to hide himself from view before anyone can see the evidence of his distress. It’s useless, of course, but no one is about to tell him that. Yeosang extends a silent offer of support, arms wrapping around Wooyoung’s waist and pulling him into a tight embrace as the other quietly cries against him. Hongjoong’s gaze flits over to watch the exchange. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So be it.” Hongjoong’s words are tight, strained, and almost thick. However, he doesn’t try to stop Jongho, and when the Berserker turns around to leave the room, Hongjoong merely watches him go. Yunho rushes to follow the man out, calling out his name too late. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hong–” Seonghwa doesn’t get to finish his thought as the captain levels him with a glare so intense that you have to look away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang, San, and Y/N. Return tomorrow at seven in the morning. You’ll be the team going to get the serum for Yunho.” You push up to stand up straight once more, San’s hand lingering near your back in case you fall again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Understood, Captain,” Yeosang replies over Wooyoung’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything more than that; instead, he guides the man in his arms to the door with gentle hands and pushes. Once the door snaps shut behind them, the cracks in Hongjoong’s resolve begin to show. He exhales a staggered and shaky sigh, head dipping down until he stares at the wood under him with empty eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t give me that look, San,” he mutters after a few seconds of stagnant silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Captain. I’m–” San inhales sharply and blinks up at the ceiling before he continues the thought “–You once told me that even when there seems to only be one way out, there is always another option. I hope you remember that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You move when San does, not wanting to stay in the room any longer than you have to, and neither Hongjoong or Seonghwa try to stop you from going. Stepping back onto the bridge is like breathing fresh air after being trapped inside for too long. There’s an immediate break in the tension, and reality seeps through your skin in that moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s not… he’s not serious, is he?” You ask, tone so hushed that you aren’t sure San hears it at first. All San can do is release a dry laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which one are you talking about?” You aren’t even sure that you could answer that. San tilts his head from side to side, releasing a small hum as he leads the way off the bridge. You fall into step with him without complaint, content with going wherever he goes as long as it’s away from Hongjoong’s quarters. “Jongho is dead serious. He would never let any harm come to Mingi, and if he had it in him, I’m sure he would go against Hongjoong’s orders. I think – I think he sees leaving as his only option. The only way he knows how to get Hongjoong to see reason and think straight, or… yeah. I think he’s being serious, but Hongjoong? Not at all. He’s not thinking straight, too little sleep obviously but also too caught up in something in his head. I’ve seen him like this before, making bad and irrational decisions out of desperation. He’ll get over it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long will that take?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully less than two days?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t sound confident,” you say through a weak smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not.” San glances over at you, eyes glistening with an emotion you can’t read. However, you don’t have time to dwell on it or wonder what it is because he continues speaking without dwelling on the subject for long. “If this does work out the way Hongjoong wants it to, then we’ll be going on yet another dangerous mission, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not as dangerous as the last, I hope,” you murmur back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I fear that… more than I would like to admit. A repeat of what happened last time we were on an official mission. I don’t think I can go through that again.” San pauses, and his tongue darts out to drag over his lips. “Seeing you in the position again — t-that’s hard to think about. Any of the crew in that position for that matter.” You aren’t sure what compels you, but you reach down to catch hold of his hand, pulling it closer to you and lacing your fingers through his without saying anything for a few moments. When you do muster the strength to speak, your voice comes out as nothing more than a whisper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be more careful this time. Better prepared too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa must be rubbing off on you,” San chuckles. “You sound just like him.” The words catch your off-guard, and you pull your hand back in an instant thanks to the surprise. You don’t know what expression crosses your features, but San sees it and devolves into a small panic because of it. “I’m sorry, I-I didn’t – I didn’t mean to overstep. If you–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s okay. I just w-wasn’t expecting that,” you interject, equally as rushed and frantic. It serves to calm San down some though, and that’s all you can ask for at this point in time. “You’re not overstepping.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then would it be too much to ask if everything is alright between the two of you?” San’s question isn’t inherently nosey or prying, merely a genuine question about the state of your relationship with Seonghwa, but you aren’t even sure how to answer that yourself. It isn’t a relationship – a romantic one, that is – but it surely can’t be described as nothing more than a friendship or a work relationship because friends or coworkers don’t necessarily behave the way the two of you do. The lack of a label on it helped up until this point. Now you feel as though you’re swimming in a deep ocean with no life vest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re… on break?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now look who doesn’t sound confident,” San teases. The smile that stretches his lips offers a moderate amount of comfort, and you find yourself returning it with one of your own without thinking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s patient and giving to a fault almost, and I — it makes me feel guilty because I can’t give the same in return. So… on break.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, well, if I may be so bold as to offer some sort of advice?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Be as bold as you want, by all means.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In any type of relationship, there is give and take whether you are aware of it or not. You may not feel like you are giving as much as he is, but the guilt you feel towards it is more than enough to show that you aren’t intrinsically a bad person or someone who just wants to take. Some people show affection and love through giving. It’s hard not to want to give back in return, but at some point, it all becomes a matter of perspective. Receiving love, letting someone give you that, allowing yourself to accept those things – I guarantee that the other person sees that, appreciates it, and feels your affection through it. Especially when you’ve gone through things that would otherwise hinder your desire and ability to let people into your heart.” San’s gaze is almost too warm and soft on your skin, and chills go through your spine because of it despite the warmth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I… you’re t-too bold, Choi San,” you stutter as you try to wrangle your scrambling thoughts before they slip too far away from you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I’m right, aren’t I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let it go to your head.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which one?” San hums, moving to tap his chin, and you swing a fist at his arm. “Sorry, sorry! It was a joke! Please don’t hurt me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As much as I hate to admit it: yes, you’re right. Those sorts of emotions are something I’ve never put much value or care into because of my line of work. When I did, it was something I didn’t value enough until they were gone. So I suppose that part of me doesn’t know how to do it right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, is that something you would want one day? Someone – a person and a family or the like?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never thought about it that way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Never seen people as a necessity? Moreso just constants in your life? Things that come and go without influence or intention?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop reading my mind,” you grumble, turning your cheek in the opposite direction so you don’t have to suffer looking at San’s everpresent grin. “Yes, I think I would like to have that someday. When this is all over, and I can rest without constantly looking over my shoulder or worrying that something bad might happen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, do you think that’s a possibility?” You barely notice that you and San have stopped moving. You’re suddenly standing still in the corridor, side by side but now facing each other head-on, and San continues peering at you with those same perceptive eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think… I think I would only have that peace when I’m dead.” San’s smile falters and shifts into a pursed frown. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll find that peace one day, Y/N. I’m certain of it. Because if even I can be worthy and deserving of having that chance at happiness, then you can too.” His words almost put a spell over you, and you find yourself stuck to the spot, unable to budge even an inch. San reaches up and cups your face with his hands, letting his grin return and tug one side of his lips up. You follow the movements with your hands as well, not with the intent to pull him away but merely to let your fingers rest against his wrists as he holds you gently. “We’ll get there,” he whispers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Okay,” you respond with a series of shaky nods. Slowly but surely, San moves closer to yours, lips pressing against your forehead so softly that the feeling of the kiss ghosts over you in less than a second. He pulls back with a sigh, not asking for anything more than that, then extends a hand in your direction. It takes a moment for it to process, but you place your own in his once it dawns on you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on. I guess we better go say our goodbyes to Jongho.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: gah yall have no idea how much I missed this ;-; I'm so happy to be writing something that isn’t smut KLFJSDKLFJL i needed this break from kinktober and I'm so happy that this is the chapter I got to write because whewie she’s a big one and she’s intense!! I hope you guys enjoy tho pls let me know what you think &gt;-&lt;</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Act Four - Part Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Silence is like an old friend: always present and there for you even when everyone and everything else left you. You find comfort in the quiet, and as such, you normally wouldn’t find yourself so bothered by the absence of sound. Yet here you are, standing a few feet from Jongho’s bed in a room that is all too cold and all too quiet. Truly, there isn’t much to say, but that doesn’t keep you from wanting to speak up and offer some sort of weak attempt to get him to stay. Before you can, however, San beats you to it. You aren’t sure whether to be grateful or not because the lingering goodbye just hovers on your tongue now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you truly going to do this, Jongho?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Berserker hesitates where he stands near the bed, hands clasped around a small bundle of clothes. For a moment, you think he’s going to ignore San’s question and continue to pack in silence. Then, he offers a shrug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong didn’t stop me, did he?” You shake your head with a certain fervor to your movements.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s no way he wants you to leave,” you counter. Perhaps it is merely an attempt to cling to that hope, but the Hongjoong you saw in his quarters was a version of him you’ve never seen before. Jongho shifts to look at you, eyes a bit melancholy as he drags his gaze over your face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Obviously information is far more important than I am.” He says the words with a bit of a laugh to his tone, though all three of you know that there’s no humor to be found in this situation. Your lips fold into a delicate frown.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why is this even an issue? Is there a reason why Hongjoong is so adamant about bringing Mingi to the arena? Why can’t he just stay on the ship while the rest of us go on the mission?” You shake your head a bit as you ask the questions and drop your gaze to the floor. There is no reasonable explanation as to why Hongjoong would behave this way in your mind, no matter how many excuses you try to give in his defense.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because Vladimir plays dirty,” San says through a sigh. “He knows that Mingi is on this crew, and he’s been after Mingi for years. Offered countless deals and bargains for Mingi’s head, trying to get Hongjoong to give him up. Hongjoong has always turned down the offers without a second thought, but that doesn’t keep Vladimir from trying time and time again. He wants Mingi. And he is a man who is used to getting what he wants.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think that what he’s after?” You inquire, blinking over to where San stands with arms folded neatly over his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If he has agreed to meet Hongjoong, then yeah. That means he, in the very least, has eyes on the ship. So if he sees every member of the crew leave the ship except for Mingi, his men will ambush and take Mingi by any means necessary. Even if someone stays behind with Mingi, the risk is still there. Thus… Hongjoong would rather risk Mingi having an episode in the arena or take the easy way out and wipe his brain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But why?” It still doesn’t make sense to you, but at this rate, it’s seeming less and less likely that it will ever make sense. “That seems too pricy a cost for such a small risk, along with the assumption that Mingi can’t protect himself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It isn’t about cost,” Jongho cuts in. “Nor is it a failure to believe in Mingi’s capabilities. It’s… deeper than that. Hongjoong always worries about something happening to Mingi when he isn’t there. He thinks it’s risky enough to send Mingi with San and me, but he can’t bring him to Vladimir. That would be the worst of all shitty ass ideas. Do I see the logic in bringing Mingi to the arena? Of course, I do. Having him be off to the side and in one of the wings – that would make it easier to keep him out of Vladimir’s sights. It would help him blend in with the crowd, hide from whatever guards Vladimir will have, more space to run if the need arises. You can’t do that on a ship with only a few exits. Hongjoong is thinking, and he’s thinking hard, yes, but at the same time, he’s being a complete dumbass.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The steady thrum of silence follows Jongho’s explanation, and you can’t come up with anything to say in response. Neither can San, or so it seems, because he offers a nod but nothing other than that. Then, like a switch being flipped in his brain, he spins to face you with inquisitive eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the only one here who has actually had the procedure done.” It isn’t spoken like a question, moreso a fact, but you find yourself responding as though it is one nonetheless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes? As far as I’m aware.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that would also make you the only person who knows what it’s like to go through that even if the memories of it are hazy and foggy.” You press your lips tightly together, unable to look San in the eye any longer. The embarrassment of your earlier collapse and partial breakdown is still fresh, and as much as you don’t want to admit it, you also are struggling to get past the harsh memory. “Would you willingly subject another person to that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah, morality. An equally funny and tricky thing to handle in any situation. Now, it seems even more delicate and fragile, something you have to weigh ever so carefully to keep from saying the wrong thing. What is wrong when it comes to criminals though? Are there different rules to play by, a separate set of guidelines that all should follow to decide what’s best, or does one leave it to fate instead? Let the universe decide how morality should be weighed on the scales of justice?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You’ve never been one to listen to the universe, even when it stands in your path and screams for you to listen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only if they want it,” you start in a whispered tone. “Never against their will obviously but… but if someone were to ask for it and agree to it, then yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So if Mingi truly wants it, then you would be okay with the method?” San’s question stops you in your tracks. Perhaps you have said the wrong thing or made a mistake in saying what you did — you are well aware of what San’s response would be, so maybe that is why he is so frustrated with yours. San would have you say that it is impermissible under any and all circumstances, even with clearly defined guidelines and consent. His morals make you question your own even though you know where he is coming from. To him, it is all a matter of relations. Having a relationship with a solid foundation means that it is perfectly alright to think that way. Yet using San’s moral guidelines, that would mean that the closer you get to someone, the more you take away from them. Their choice, their thought process, how they decide things, even their own moral standards. Can you truly permit that in good conscience? For once, your answer seems clear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” you relent after a few breaths of hesitation. “That’s what I’m saying.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you say the same if it were myself or Jongho? Or Seonghwa?” Again, you hesitate – this time longer than before, and you almost neglect to answer the question entirely. You muster up the courage at the last second, however, but you don’t think it’s the response San wants to hear still.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Again, if it’s what you truly want, then why would it be fair for someone to stop you? Why take away that choice?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But Hongjoong is taking away Mingi’s choice now!” Jongho argues, stepping towards you with knitted brows. “He is abusing his power as Captain! He knows that Mingi would do absolutely anything that he told him to do. It’s not free will or a choice if someone only gives you one option.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And yet… it’s not all Hongjoong, is it?” San inquires through a delicate frown. “Yunho is the one who brought it up and made it an option in the first place.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho brings a hand to his hair, carding his fingers through the dark locks sitting atop his head. He drops his gaze to the floor too and refuses to look in San’s direction until he makes it back to where he was packing clothes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I already ripped into him for that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know why he did it? It doesn’t make sense for Yunho of all people to bring it up. Out of everyone, he’s the one with the strongest moral compass, so why – no, how – how could he do something so immoral?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Morals are different for everyone.” Jongho huffs air through his nose and lets the sound fill the air without interruption for several moments. “What’s moral to one person could be wholly immoral to another. Look at how Mingi was raised, how he was taught that the way he thinks is right and that it’s the proper method of thought and morality. Others consider him to be an immoral monster with no concept of right and wrong, but in his own mind, that isn’t how it works. Yunho… Yunho genuinely believes that doing this is truly the only option. We’ve never seen eye to eye on Mingi’s condition, of course, but – or how to help, now that I think about it – but I know I can’t convince Yunho to change his mind. Hongjoong however? I can change his mind for certain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do y–” The door interrupts you, sliding open before you can complete the question, and you whip to face the source of the sound. San and Jongho move with you, eyes reaching the door before yours do. You almost expect to find Hongjoong standing there just based on the sigh that through Jongho’s lips, but you’re even more surprised to see that it is Seonghwa instead. He pauses midstride upon seeing you, no doubt expecting to find Jongho alone in the room. His mouth hangs slightly open as his eyes dart up to meet yours. The stare lingers too long, continuing to bore into you as he shifts his chin in Jongho’s direction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lieutenant,” Jongho greets. His tone is cold and flat, almost like nothing is different about this situation. You know better than to believe that. Jongho’s next words only solidify that fact. “I suppose that’s the last time I’ll be calling you that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s like a knife in the chest yet somehow ten times worse. San’s expression visibly twists, and he turns away so that no one sees the extent of his pain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think so negatively, Jongho,” Seonghwa murmurs as he steps further into the room. “Hongjoong doesn’t want you to leave. Why would he ever want that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why isn’t he here to tell me that himself?” Jongho snorts out a laugh following the harsh question. “Why is it that good Lieutenant Park always does the dirty work for him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come now, Jongho. Don’t get bitter now of all times.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck off! Let me be bitter! Mingi is the only fucking person on this ship who knows what it’s like to feel the way I feel and suffer the way I suffer. He’s the only person who I think can give me the redemption I need so desperately. He has always been my responsibility and mine alone. I know how to help him, I believe in him, and I put some damn faith in him getting better without any fucking procedures. I can be bitter all I want because Hongjoong is putting zero faith in Mingi.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand, Jongho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the blink of an eye, Jongho has moved from the edge of the bed to the wall, the only thing between him and the metal being Seonghwa. His hand closes around Seonghwa’s throat while the other draws back as though he’s about to punch the lieutenant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t understand </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa doesn’t dare to budge, but both you and San snap into action, rushing to grab Jongho and pull him off the other man. Before you have the chance to do anything, Seonghwa lifts his hand and makes a halting motion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can hit me if it’ll make you feel better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho’s fist wavers where it is, and he lowers it back down to his side after a moment without doing anything. His hand falls away from Seonghwa’s throat as well, letting the lieutenant breathe easily once more, and he steps away while heaving a deep sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t take everything for Hongjoong. If I’m gonna hit someone, it’ll be him.” Jongho waves a hand towards the door. “If all you came here to do was be a punching bag for Hongjoong, then you can go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, actually... that’s not why I came.” Seonghwa pushes himself off the wall, straightening the collar of his turtleneck as best he can. “I don’t want to use the serum, Jongho. I don’t want Mingi to go near the arena at all. Hongjoong and I -- we never came to an agreement about it after everyone left. He merely made the decision as the captain. I tried my best to change his mind, I truly did, but I couldn’t -- I-I don’t understand why I couldn’t.” Seonghwa’s gaze darts to the floor, looking over the patterns along the carpet before pulling back up to look Jongho in the eye. He stretches a hand out and clamps it over Jongho’s shoulder. The Berserker allows the touch, albeit begrudgingly. “I truly don’t want any harm to come to Mingi, but I can’t stop Hongjoong just by talking to him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa glances past Jongho’s shoulder to stare San in the eye with such intensity to his gaze that you get a chill down your spine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The mission tomorrow cannot be successful under any circumstances.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you’re right.” San hums to himself for a moment, then looks off to the side. “The only way to stop Hongjoong from getting his way would be to fail to get the serum. What’s the plan then? We should destroy the serum if we find it, no?” San turns to you now, eyes expectant and waiting for some sort of input on your part, but you genuinely don’t know what he wants you to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of saying anything, you shift your chin in the opposite direction and avoid his probing stare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s on your mind, Y/N?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” you mutter back quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No matter which way you look at the situation, you can only see it as taking away Mingi’s choice. No one is asking him what he wants, and while you understand the reasoning behind that, you cannot grasp how this is the just thing to do. Whether you give him the serum or not, he won’t have a say in the matter. Where is the line drawn? When it comes to morality, when is it okay to take away someone’s consent and leave them with nothing? Surely when it comes to protecting them, but both these options... both can defend him. What then?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one presses you for answers, and you’re immensely grateful for that because it allows you to ask your next question with relative ease.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are we going to pull this off with Yeosang on the mission? Wouldn’t he tell Hongjoong?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even Yeosang will see reason,” San argues. A sigh passes through Seonghwa’s slightly parted lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would take Yeosang’s place on the mission, but given my resistance to the plan... that would be suspicious. Hongjoong knows me far too well and would see through it in an instant. He picked Yeosang and San because they follow orders best and do what’s asked of them. And he picked Y/N because she’s the one with the most military experience. Yeosang has experience but… he was a prince, not a soldier. His specialty was out in the field, whereas yours was in teams, working in units, not being at the front of the line. That’s why you’re being put on the team, for that experience.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Experience that’s absolutely useless,” you snort, folding your arms over your chest. “I don’t remember what the serum looked like. And no offense, but I sure as hell don’t want to try to remember what it looked like either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, that’s not it.” Seonghwa shakes his head, barely sparing you a second glance in favor of looking at San. “In order to get the serum, you’ll be breaking into a military base.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you gone fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>mad</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” San seethes, hands balling into tight fists at his sides. Seonghwa levels him with ease and sends such a heated glare his way that Jongho stands up a bit straighter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you think even for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>second</span>
  </em>
  <span> that I did not try my damndest to get Hongjoong to change the plan, you would be horribly wrong,” Seonghwa hisses through gritted teeth. San shifts under the weight of his tone but doesn’t say anything in response. “The only reason I left Hongjoong’s quarters was to keep from knocking him out. If there was any other option, I would take it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho clears his throat and effectively breaks the tension between the two men, shaking his head slightly as he steps closer to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There is another option.” Jongho jerks his head towards you and San. He points a single finger in your direction, aimed right at your head, and you press your lips together tightly as confusion washes over you. “I’m leaving in the morning at the same time as you two and Yeosang are to leave for the mission. You will have comms on hand, obviously. Yeosang and San can sneak into the base, guided by you over comms, but you won’t have to set foot inside. And at least for your peace of mind and security, I can stay with you at a secure location while you guide them through the base.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That...” Seonghwa trails off and draws his lips together in a tight knot. “That might work, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow, don’t sound so surprised.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not surprised,” Seonghwa retorts through a scoff. “I’ll be in charge of listening over comms throughout the mission. If we can come up with a system – a sort of code word – to keep Hongjoong from catching on, we might be able to pull this off. I’ll be at the comms station on the bridge, so Hongjoong won’t hear anything except for what I say. Thus, I can’t very well say that it’s time to destroy the serum.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When I was – in my team in the military, we had a system for explosive and detonation squadrons,” you cut in, fingers snapping together in sudden realization. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t realize you were a part of an explosives team,” Seonghwa remarks. His brows draw together a bit as he speaks, and you can sense the question on his lips before he even asks it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s the thing you’re most concerned about right now?” You don’t intend for the question to come out so aggressive, and the slight shock that passes over Seonghwa’s expression only serves to make you feel ten times worse about the slip of your tongue. “Anyway, there was always a worry of someone listening in on our comms, so it was a failsafe more than anything else, but we used ‘package’ as a keyword for a bomb. ‘Secure the package’ meant it was time to place the bomb, ‘package secured’ meant that the bomb was in place and ready to be detonated, and ‘come home’ was a go signal for detonation. A bit basic, yes, but useful nonetheless.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That should be a perfect plan, no?” San inquires, blinking over at where Seonghwa is standing. The lieutenant maintains his stare on you for quite some time; he almost seems lost in thought to a certain degree, and it takes San clearing his throat for Seonghwa to snap out of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, we’ll just need the package to be the serum rather than a bomb. Jongho—” he outstretches a hand to the Berserker, hesitating a few inches from his arm, “—does this mean that you’ll stay then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only if you manage to pull this off.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to think I know what I’m doing.” Seonghwa huffs out a light laugh and pulls his hand back to run it through his hair. “This isn’t the first time I’ve gone against Hongjoong’s wishes. Right now though, someone needs to go talk to Yeosang about this plan. Preferably one of you two.” Seonghwa angles two fingers towards you and San, and you glance over at the Spectre before saying anything yourself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang will never listen to me,” San cuts in with a sharp shake of his head. “And I’m not all too inclined to have a one on one conversation with him anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I’ll go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go with you,” Jongho mutters through a sigh. “I need to talk to Wooyoung about… this mess. I know he’s the most upset by it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, that’ll be fine.” Seonghwa thumbs over his chin, seeming to drift off into thought once more. The wear is starting to show more clearly on his features; the way his blinking has slowed considerably and become a bit hard to keep up with. It’s more than evident that he is struggling to stay awake with each passing second, and that alone makes you wonder exactly how much he and Hongjoong have been up over this past week in preparation for this mission. “Y/N, inform Yeosang of the plan. If Wooyoung is there, it should be easier to convince him since Wooyoung will most certainly agree with the plan. Hopefully, this can be a smooth and painless mission for once, but nonetheless… good luck. I won’t be able to talk to any of you until we’re on comms tomorrow. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go talk to Yunho about what the hell is going through his head in all this mess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa turns to the door and readies himself to leave, but Jongho doesn’t let him get far, hand darting out to catch hold of the lieutenant’s arm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Keep… keep working on Hongjoong, would you?” Jongho’s request is spoken in a soft tone, and he barely glances up at Seonghwa as he speaks. Seonghwa smiles back at him even though the other man can’t see his expression.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. We’ll get this worked out as best we can.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho’s hand falls away from his arm, and Seonghwa takes the opportunity to step out of the room without saying anything else. The silence that drapes over the remaining three of you is not welcome, but you relish in it while you can, knowing that these next few days won’t be peaceful in the slightest. San lets it linger for a few seconds, fingers combing through his dark hair, then he releases a deep sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good luck with Yeosang. You’ll need it. I’m gonna head down to the hangar bay to get weapons sorted for tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho nods, and you follow suit quickly when San’s gaze travels over to where you’re standing. He smiles a bit, gaze unreadable as he moves out the door and leaves you and Jongho alone. There’s an opportunity now – you could ask Jongho if he’s truly alright now that it’s just the two of you, but your voice dies in the back of your throat before you can even think about what to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go get this over with. I’m not looking forward to chatting with Wooyoung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” You rush to ask the question before you can second-guess yourself, falling into step with Jongho as he leads the way out of the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Outside of Yeosang, I’m the closest to him but… if there was a way to avoid this, then I would have done it. There’s always too much collateral damage when it comes to fights like these. Hurting him is the last thing I wanted to do.” Jongho pauses, lips stuttering and remaining parted for quite some time before he speaks again. “The worst part about being a Berserker isn’t the – the rage or the violent tendencies I feel. It’s t-the </span>
  <em>
    <span>pain</span>
  </em>
  <span>. When I hurt someone I care about, I feel that pain so strongly, and I – sometimes I wish I could be like Mingi instead, not have the ability to feel bad when that pain comes or not be able to understand it because understanding is </span>
  <em>
    <span>worse</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This just… it has to work out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It will,” you murmur. Your eyes trace the edges of Jongho’s features – his knitted brows and downcast gaze – and you are in the midst of reaching out to grab his arm when he halts all of a sudden. You forgot how short the walk would be; you’re already standing outside Yeosang’s door, the metal nameplate on the wall reading his name in small letters. Jongho knocks hard at the door with the back of his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang, you in there?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A high-pitched yelp resounds, followed by a hefty thud that sounds something like a body hitting the floor, then Wooyoung’s squealing tone apologizing, and you and Jongho exchange confused glances. Whatever hit the floor – most like Yeosang from the sounds of it – groans and pulls itself up before coming to the door and heaving a deep sigh. The metal panel slides open to reveal a disheveled Yeosang, hair a mess but overall collected. Wooyoung seems to be in a much more scrambled state with his shirt haphazard and untucked, eyes bloodshot – no doubt from crying – and lips a bit swollen and redder than usual. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yikes, did we interrupt something?” Jongho asks, taking a step away from the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, shut up!” Wooyoung huffs as he shoves his way past Yeosang to tackle Jongho with a tight hug. “You’re a dick,” he mumbles into Jongho’s shoulder, and the Berserker laughs at the snarky remark.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You got me there, I’ll admit it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you here?” Yeosang cuts through the intimate moment to question you, eyes glaring holes into your skull as you linger outside the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I – We need to talk about the mission,” you explain. Yeosang arches a brow at you and continues to stare without making a sound, then he draws his arms up to fold over his chest. “It’s important, Yeosang.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, must be for you to actually call me by name. Come in.” He waves you into the room, eyeing Wooyoung as the man continues to cling to Jongho for dear life. You step in and wait for the door to snap shut before beginning to speak again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow, you and San are going into the military alone. I’ll be with Jongho at a different location guiding you over comms. Seonghwa is going to be listening in and helping where he needs to, as well as keeping Hongjoong from figuring out what’s going on. We’ll ne–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what exactly is going on?” Yeosang interjects. His gaze grows colder by the second, hitting you with such intensity that you feel a chill rush through your body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Keeping Hongjoong from getting the serum,” you counter. You’re pushing as much assertiveness as you can into your tone, yet Yeosang still seems unfazed. “We have to keep him from wiping Mingi’s mind!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And why is that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why is that? Are you being fucking serious? Why the hell wouldn’t you be okay with this?” Your tone practically burns your throat as you hiss the words out. You dare to take a step in his direction, but that quickly turns out to be a horrid mistake. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang sneers, upper lip curling upwards, then suddenly his fist connects with your stomach. You double over at the impact, and Wooyoung is calling out Yeosang’s name, but the blond is already hellbent on giving you a piece of his mind. Lithe fingers curl around the base of your neck and push you back until you slam against the wall. There’s a striking sense of familiarity to this position – one that takes you back to the dusty desert of Medra where Yeosang left you with a thinly veiled threat concerning your intentions on the ship and crew. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are on thin fucking ice as it is, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Y/N</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I only maintain civilities with you for Wooyoung’s sake, but honestly, I would have no qualms ending your life where you stand now if not for him. You had best take into consideration that you are not one of us. You haven’t been on this crew nearly long enough to be making such demands, and you haven’t earned an ounce of respect from me. If I were you, I wouldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare </span>
  </em>
  <span>to test my patience any more than you already have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang, stop!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung pulls away from Jongho and starts to move towards where Yeosang has you pinned. The fingers around your throat tighten to a dangerous degree. Black fills the edges of your vision. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeosang</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Wooyoung slips through the small gap between you and Yeosang, hands sliding up to cup Yeosang’s cheeks. Yeosang doesn’t relent in his grip. He stares past Wooyoung’s head in favor of glaring at you and doesn’t budge an inch as Wooyoung tries to push him back. “Stop it. Let her go. She’s right about this, and you know it. Are you really okay with forcing Mingi into this? All the progress we’ve made over the years would go down the drain, and for what? Absolutely nothing. Do you really think this is right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang’s grip wavers against your throat, but he still refuses to budge. Wooyoung pushes his head, the grip on his jaw tightening as he forces Yeosang to look at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look at me, Yeo. Look at me, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m an Elitist, Wooyoung, not some easily swayed Normie with a moral compass. It is in my nature to choose the most logical option. Getting on Hongjoong’s bad side isn’t logical. That won’t protect you in the long run. Taking away the most dangerous part of Mingi, taking away his aggression and hypersensitive trigger happy nature – that protects you.” Wooyoung snorts, head turning to the side as he laughs at Yeosang’s logic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then tell me, Yeo, was shooting the chains of a prisoner and pushing him into an airlock the logical decision?” Yeosang’s eyes flash with barely contained rage. “Or was it the right thing to do?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung drops his hands away from Yeosang’s face and tugs at the bindings over his injured hand. Yeosang doesn’t seem to process what he’s doing fast enough, and neither do you or Jongho because next thing you know, Wooyoung has his sleeve pulled up and is ripping at the barely closed wound. By the time Yeosang snaps into action, hand wrenching off your throat to stretch towards Wooyoung’s arm, blood already drips down the length of his forearm. Wooyoung smacks Yeosang’s desperate hand away from him and steps out of his reach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can protect me from all sorts of things in the universe, Yeo, but you can’t protect me from myself. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>logical </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing to do would be to keep me from hurting myself, not allowing it, locking me up in chains and a straight-jacket. Put me in a room with padded walls and no sharp object where I can’t hurt myself. But you can’t do the </span>
  <em>
    <span>logical </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing, can you?” Wooyoung curls his fingers into a fist and extends his index finger towards Yeosang’s chest. Blood drips to the floor with the motion, and when Wooyoung jabs his finger into Yeosang’s torso, the Elitist lurches as though punched. “There’s a difference between a logical thing and a good thing. It’s time to do the right thing. If not for Mingi, then for me. Because I’m asking you to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang blinks down at the finger pressed to his chest without saying anything for what feels like an eternity. When he next looks up, his expression has lost every ounce of hostility. He matches Wooyoung’s stare with a considerably gentler one, and something akin to pride shines in his dark eyes before he shifts to face you once more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m on board for now. At least until it’s not the right thing to do anymore.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hi guys wow this was longer than i anticipated??? i didn’t mean for it to be so long whoopsie bUT!!! big chapter kinda a filler chapter i was gonna make it longer but i decided to save that for the next chapter, so this one is more of an intimate in depth look at things 👀 how do we feel!!</p><p>i’ve seen a lot of you flipping sides and saying you could go either way on the topic so i’m rather curious 👀 if it were up to you, would you wipe moc mingi’s memory??? i’ve got a little survey if you wanna answer here: http://www.survey-maker.com/QRJ2VSJK3!! these sorts of things are always so fascinating to me since it is a moral dilemma as well as a tough choice 🤧</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Act Four - Part Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I hate playing a waiting game,” Jongho mutters as he runs a finger over the rim of his glass. The liquor inside trembles from the faint touch, small waves rippling over the surface before coming to a rest again when Jongho pulls his hand back.</p><p> </p><p>You pay little attention to the movements. You’re far too preoccupied with the dainty hand-drawn map in front of you: the small blueprint you hastily drew before coming to the dingy bar thirty minutes ago. Too much of your time in the military is hazy, and the parts that are clear and at the forefront of your mind are most certainly not diagrams of whatever the military bases look like. You have little hope that your memory is serving you well, and even so, there is no guarantee that the military here on Kebos hasn’t changed their systems in the past few years. Jongho holds much more faith in your abilities, however, and he hums as he glances over your work.</p><p> </p><p>“It looks good.”</p><p> </p><p>You can’t keep from rolling your eyes at the tone of his voice, mostly thanks to the constant thrum of anxiety in your gut.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s a big chance that this base won’t even be built the same as in the past,” you mumble. You retrace a few lines off to the side in efforts to busy yourself and quell your nerves, but it does little to help. Jongho shakes his head, and you catch the motion out the corner of your eye.</p><p> </p><p>“This one has been standing for at least sixty years, according to Seonghwa. It’s merely been repurposed time and time again, so… layout should be the same. Even if it’s a little different, you know what you’re talking about. Surely Yeosang can manage it too with his experience.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, he’s – he wouldn’t have spent his time in warehouses and inventory bases. Not with a royal background.” You blink down at the table with little interest, taking your lower lip between your teeth and gnawing lightly at it. “It’s too quiet. Isn’t it? Are San and Yeosang okay?”</p><p> </p><p>A sigh passes Jongho’s lips as he looks over at you, then he shakes his head once more.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re probably fine. They–”</p><p> </p><p>As though on cue, the comm pressed to the shell of your ear crackles to life, and Jongho winces as his does the same, the suddenness of the action catching you both off-guard.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, it’s me.” You and Jongho both exchange a glance, one that holds a bit of disappointment as it’s only Seonghwa’s voice that crackles through the comms channel. “I’m just checking in – have you made it yet?” You know that the ‘you’ in his sentence is figurative — something to keep Hongjoong from catching onto what’s really going on behind the scenes.</p><p> </p><p>“No, they haven’t – <em> we </em>, I mean, we haven’t gotten there yet,” you reply, keeping your tone to a quiet minimum.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you hear me? Hello?” Relief finally comes, and San’s voice is like warm honey against your ear.</p><p> </p><p>“San,” you exhale. Your jaw stutters a bit as you try to come up with something else to say, but San continues speaking before you get the chance to say anything.</p><p> </p><p>“We just got past a radio barrier. I’ve been trying to reach you guys for at least ten minutes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, comms are back online, it seems,” Seonghwa responds, voice fading a bad at the tail end of his sentence. Jongho extends a hand towards you and drops it atop your thigh. It’s a small comfort, but a comfort nonetheless, and you pass him a smile of gratitude.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you not to worry,” he murmurs quiet enough to escape the comms. Your smile devolves into a slight frown, and you bring your chin forward again.</p><p> </p><p>“That was the easy part. Now they need to get past the militia barrier and scanners.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have any faith in us?” It’s Yeosang’s voice that crackles over the comms this time, and you huff out a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Stay quiet. There might be guards or patrols nearby.” You refuse your attention back to the map before you, trying to pinpoint where the pair might be at this point. “Hey, one of you look to the left. There should be a grey box on the wall. It’s a router to the laser scanners. Maybe tucked closer to the floor?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I see one,” San responds quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, you’ll need to shut that down by pulling a… um, hopefully a red wire out and cutting it? I never took care of these mechanics on jobs.” You swallow around nothing, feeling the heat of Jongho’s stare on the side of your head, but you try to push it out of your mind in favor of focusing on the task at hand.</p><p> </p><p>“On jobs?” San echoes, curiosity clear in his tone. “You were a soldier. What use would have for jobs like these?” You inhale sharply, and the sound carries over the comms with haste.</p><p> </p><p>“Focus, San,” Seonghwa cuts in without giving you a chance to answer his question.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, okay. I’ll cut the wire righ–”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no! Wait a second, you need to know something before going in. As soon as that wire is cute, you’ll only have a limited amount of time to get to the infirmary where the serums are stocked. The guards will notice that something is off and that there’s a break-in within the facility so speed is key,” you explain, maintaining your hushed tone from earlier as you trace a finger over the map on the table. “The infirmary will be straight down the hall, then you’ll need to take the first left, two rights, another left, and it’ll be the last door on the left at the end of that corridor. There is a chance that they don’t store the serum in the infirmary, but all new recruits are taken to one before going through induction. I’ve seen it happen too many times to forget it, so I’m fairly confident that that’s also where the operations happen and the serums should be there.”</p><p> </p><p>“And what are we supposed to do if someone is there?” Yeosang inquires. You hesitate a moment, not realizing that he’s speaking to you and not Seonghwa until the lieutenant provides no response.</p><p> </p><p>“Um… kill them,” you mutter. Jongho’s expression doesn’t shift in the slightest, and he remains unreadable as you search his eyes for some sort of reaction. The only response you get is from Yeosang in the form of a huff of air.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s more like the killer I know you to be, <em> Ghost </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t know anything about her,” San sneers back without missing a beat. Yeosang hisses through his teeth – a sound that is nothing more than a whistle over the comms channel.</p><p> </p><p>“Am I stepping on little lover boy’s toes, is that it? Seems like you need to bring that up with <em> someone else </em> before you go around claiming things for your own.”</p><p> </p><p>A crash resounds, then a bang against metal that is so loud it rings in both your ears. You can only imagine what’s happening on the other side of the line, whether San and Yeosang are merely fighting with each other or in serious danger.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you fucking call her a<em> thing </em>! Should I start referring to Wooyoung as ‘slave’ again?”</p><p> </p><p>“You fuc–”</p><p> </p><p>“Knock it the fuck off, you two.” Seonghwa’s voice growls over the line. His tone is so severe that both you and Jongho sit up a bit straighter in your seats even though he’s not referring to either of you. San and Yeosang fall silent at the sound of Seonghwa’s harsh tone, not daring to make a sound as the lieutenant continues speaking. “Fight over who has a bigger dick later. This is more important than fucking feelings.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not the one having trouble keeping <em> feelings </em> in check,” Yeosang spits.</p><p> </p><p>“God, Hongjoong is a fucking moron for putting the two of them on a mission together,” Jongho mutters as he rubs the skin between his eyes. “Like putting fire and ice together and asking them to cooperate.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeosang. Don’t make me tell you twice. Do not start shit, and get the damn mission done without further trouble.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Lieutenant.” It’s more than obvious that Yeosang is biting his tongue through the words, holding back what he truly wants to say in efforts to be cooperative, and you almost respect him for it if not the preexisting annoyance you have surrounding the man.</p><p> </p><p>“You two need to hurry this along,” you say once the silence becomes too palpable to handle. “It’s almost time for a unit to make the rounds and check the systems. You need to get going before the half-hour.”</p><p> </p><p>You don’t get a verbal response from either San or Yeosang, and instead, a reply comes in the form of a loud clang of metal. The line falls quiet after that, not because it’s gone dead but because neither man is speaking anymore, and now it comes down to playing the waiting game as they make their way through the base. You drop a hand atop where Jongho’s rests against your leg and clench your fingers hard around his. The wait causes you to hold your breath. You expect the worst to happen, for one of the two to say that they’ve been caught, or that your map was wrong entirely and you’ve led them into a dead end. The possibilities of failure are endless, and your mind won’t stop running through all of them.</p><p> </p><p>“You said the last door on the left?” Yeosang huffs, radio crackling with noise. You exhale a sigh of relief, and tension falls away from your shoulders once you hear San’s footsteps falling beside Yeosang’s.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, at the end of the corridor.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we’re in the right place.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you certain?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a big white door with the word infirmary on it, I’m fairly certain we’re in the right place,” Yeosang retorts through a scoff.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, be careful going in as there could be–”</p><p> </p><p>A crash interrupts your train of thought, leaving you to cut off with a deep sigh, and you roll your eyes to keep from snapping at the pair on the other side of the line.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you have to be so loud and obnox—holy shit.” San’s voice falls quiet, and the insult he threw in Yeosang’s direction must not process because the Elitist doesn’t say a word in reply.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s… There have to be hundreds if not thousands of vials in here. Hell, if only you guys could see this.”</p><p> </p><p>“The serum?” You murmur even though you can assume what San’s answer will be.</p><p> </p><p>“Every single one… all have this strange-looking blue liquid in them.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> A stab of a needle, a syringe going into your skin, a strange blue liquid being pushed into you. Warmth, then the feeling of your blood turning to ice. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Your eyes flutter shut. You bite the inside of your cheek sharply to ground yourself, keep yourself from slipping too far into the memory, and Jongho’s hand twists so that his fingers slip through yours. You couldn’t be more grateful for the gesture now; the warmth and comfort in it grounds you just enough to stay on track.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s it.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re sure?” San inquires, more of a precautionary question than anything else.</p><p> </p><p>“Positive,” you mutter back without hesitation. Seonghwa’s voice crackles over next, a coolly spoken command falling from his lips that has a chill running down your spine.</p><p> </p><p>“Secure the package then.”</p><p> </p><p>“You want us to destroy them all?” San asks. Something twists in your gut, something so unpleasant that you could vomit just from the thought of it. This was the agreement, was it not?</p><p> </p><p>“As many as you can, yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Morality is far too muddy for your liking. Too many hazy and thin lines, too many places where one should read between the lines, and far too many instances in which morals can clash. Life would be much easier if morals didn’t exist at all.</p><p> </p><p>Of all people, you should want these vials destroyed more than anyone else. Yet you can’t shake the thoughts that intruded the precious day, the ones which haven’t left you alone since.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> No matter which way you look at the situation, you can only see it as taking away Mingi’s choice. No one is asking him what he wants, and while you understand the reasoning behind that, you cannot grasp how this is the just thing to do. Whether you give him the serum or not, he won’t have a say in the matter. Where is the line drawn? When it comes to morality, when is it okay to take away someone’s consent and leave them with nothing? Surely when it comes to protecting them, but both these options... both can defend him. What then? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I… Jongho, we – we can’t do this,” you stutter. Jongho’s hand slips away from yours as he turns to look at you. The confusion across his features is more than evident, and you wish you had a proper explanation for him, but your mind is running a hundred miles per second without slowing down. “I can’t do it.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?” Jongho’s tone holds too much warning in it. You ignore it all.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t destroy them,” you call over the comms. “San, Yeosang, don’t destroy them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why? This is what we agreed on! We were supposed to destroy them!” In the back of your mind, you wonder if San might hate you for this.</p><p> </p><p>“I agreed to nothing,” you murmur, unable to keep your voice steady for much longer. Yeosang snorts.</p><p> </p><p>“Then what was the point of coming here? We aren’t going to do anything except break in and leave empty-handed?”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing, Y/N?” Jongho presses further, and his tone is much firmer than before. You can’t bear to look him in the eye – the weight of that feels too heavy on your shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“I – this is – I’m sorry. I’m sorry, J-Jongho, I–” Your words fail you. You want nothing more than to curl into a ball and shy away from Jongho’s lingering stare. There’s a certain kind of disappointment hiding behind his dark irises, one that takes you back to an all too unpleasant memory.</p><p> </p><p><em> “How could you do this, Y/N?” </em> This is the last memory you want to revisit right now, but you can’t keep it from overwhelming you in mere seconds.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “How could you be so selfish?” Iron bars separate you from the man, but it doesn’t keep you from catching the gleaming emotion in his eyes. “They won’t give you the luxury of death, don’t you realize that? They’ll take everything from you. Leave you as an empty shell. Throw you to the wolves. They’re going to take you away from us, Y/N.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Hyunwoo, I already said t–” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Just give me some more time. We’ll get this sorted out.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “How? There’s no fixing this, Hyunwoo! We were caught. I was caught! How do you expect to fix that?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I would rather die than see them take your memories of us away.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Your chin falls to your chest. Your body no longer feels like your own, more like someone has possessed you and taken control, and that’s the only way you can justify the next words that tumble from your lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeosang, secure some vials, as many as you think is reasonable.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell are you <em> thinking </em>? Are you even thinking?” San’s words sink deep into your chest, penetrating your skin with a pain that’s worse than a knife or bullet. Out the corner of your eye, you can see Jongho’s eyes blow wide open as shock overtakes him as well. “This isn’t the time to joke around, Y/N!” You bite at the inside of your cheek, letting the metallic tinge of blood hit your tongue and swirl through your mouth rather than offering any sort of response to San.</p><p> </p><p>“…Seonghwa?” Yeosang is asking for confirmation, for Seonghwa to overrule you or agree with you, and you don’t know what to expect from the lieutenant until he breathes deeply from his end of the comms.</p><p> </p><p>“Do as told. Secure some vials and get the hell out of there.”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang is in the midst of replying to Seonghwa’s order when the sound of shattering glass resounds. You don’t need to be present to know what is going on, and Yeosang’s shouts confirm those suspicions easily.</p><p> </p><p>“San, you fucking <em> idiot </em> , what are you <em> doing </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“I refuse to let this happen!” San counters, tone equally scathing and booming.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not – San, please, I’m not saying to give the serum to Mingi!” You argue. Every ounce of your tone is weak, too fragile to compete with the rage filling San’s, and you’re certain the words fall on deaf ears. “I can’t do – I can’t take away Mingi’s choice like this, San. If he wants it, then please. Please, if he wants it then we will need to have the serum on hand. If you would just listen to reason for a mo—”</p><p> </p><p>A shrill ringing hits your ear so hard that you wince, and Jongho does the same at your side.</p><p> </p><p>“He just triggered a fucking alarm,” Yeosang hisses through the din. “And won’t quit with his idiotic behavior of knocking the vials off the shelves.”</p><p> </p><p>“You need to stop him, Yeos—”</p><p> </p><p>“I already got three, Hwa. All that’s left is to knock the idiot out seeing as this was not part of the mission.”</p><p> </p><p>“You – You can’t leave without him,” you stammer, head throbbing from the insistent blaring of alarms surrounding Yeosang’s voice.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that. Your little lover boy will be <em> fine </em> once he’s done fucking things up royally.”</p><p> </p><p>The table shudders and your cup clatters as Jongho pushes to his feet, thighs bumping against the lip of the metal, and you have to strain your neck to examine his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeosang can’t get out of there with San alone,” he explains without sparing you even the smallest glance. Your heart strains painfully in your chest. What was the cost of your morality? To have Jongho not bear to even look at you? To hear San speak to you with such disdain in his voice? You cannot imagine morality is worth it at all if this is the cost.</p><p> </p><p>“Please sit down,” you beg, hand stretching out desperately to catch hold of Jongho’s sleeve. “There should be – there’s a back exit across the hall, through the door and to the right. Yeosang, you can get out through there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Easy enough. San’s like a feather compared to you, Jongho. I’ll be fine on my own.” The claim appeases the dark-haired Berserker for the time being, and he sinks back down to the bench without another word. You’re more than grateful for the huffs coming from Yeosang and ringing alarms in the background that fill the messy silence hanging between you and the man. “The exit is right here. Where do I go after?”</p><p> </p><p>“Um, you take the first left you can find and follow the path you used to get there. You’ll recognize it, at least you should. Hopefully, all the guards will be inside thanks to the alarms. We should meet you near the hangar bay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Meet him closer than that,” Seonghwa cuts in. His voice has fallen to whisper, no doubt to shroud the words from Hongjoong’s ears. “He can’t carry San the whole way back with the vials on his person too. He’ll need help getting back with both in one piece regardless of what he claims.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s right,” Jongho mutters. This time when he stands up, he takes hold of your arm and pulls you with him. The grip is surprisingly gentle and light, and for a moment it feels as though you have done nothing wrong in his eyes. “Can’t believe how quickly things went to shit.”</p><p> </p><p>It is an opportunity to apologize. You recognize that much, but your damn pride screams at the edges of your thoughts and tells you not to apologize for doing the <em> right thing </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine,” you utter instead. Defeat creeps in like a plague. “Everyone got out in one piece.” Jongho’s gaze shifts to meet yours.</p><p> </p><p>“At what cost? Hongjoong will tear the crew apart because he can’t think straight, and now – now you would join him in that? What are you thinking?” The confrontation hits you square in the chest, and you nearly trip over your own feet as Jongho continues to guide you along. For several moments, all you can manage are a few shakes of your head.</p><p> </p><p>“I know this isn’t what you wanted. This wasn’t the agreement for you to stay but… Mingi needs to make this choice. Not Hongjoong, not Yunho, not San, not you. It has to be Mingi.” Silence ensues between the two of you. You can only drink it in for the few precious moments it lasts before Jongho struggles through his next statement.</p><p> </p><p>“Deep down… I know you’re right, and deep down I know that my desires are selfish and biased.” Jongho manages to maintain his steady pace, eyes so focused on the ground before him that he nearly walks into a wall before you move him aside. “But if I let him go through with this procedure, I don’t know what I will do. Remaking Mingi is a cost too high. I would not be able to have my redemption, I would not be able to see my family ever again, and I – I would not be able to forgive myself either.”</p><p> </p><p>You come to a sudden halt where you are, and the pause forces Jongho to jerk back and face you at last. His eyes shine in a way that hurts to look at, tears that threaten to spill over, but he pulls them back before they can fall.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, Jongho, I don’t know what happened with your family, and I’m not asking to know that either. That needs to be something that comes from you when you are ready and no one else. But there are no rules for redemption. Believe me, I have tried to find them and I have tried to follow them. It can come from anywhere and anything. My redemption – mine is in the form of a handful of pardon papers with no signature on them, and I am <em> waiting </em> for the day where I can forgive myself enough to put that name on there and hand them over. That door – it has been closed many times, but that doesn’t mean that the door is locked. It means that there will be another opportunity in the future. The same goes for you and Mingi. Giving Mingi this choice could be your redemption for all you know. Helping him and making sure that he gets to do something for himself, that he gets to make a choice based on what he wants.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s… it’s always been about helping Mingi,” Jongho whispers. His lip quivers as he speaks the words, raw emotion pouring through, and in that moment you can truly see the level of restraint and control Jongho has over his emotions. Even when on the verge of tears, the Berserker exudes no anger, no aggression – merely pure and untouched feelings. As vulnerable as the moment is, you know that if you don’t get moving now, Yeosang will be at risk of getting caught especially with an unconscious San and stolen goods on his person. You force your feet back into motion, and Jongho moves alongside you with little resistance.</p><p> </p><p>“There can be a solution then, Jongho, by making sure that Mingi is the one to make the decision.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re r-right. I know that that has always been an option but I fear what Mingi might say. And I fear the hold that Hongjoong’s word has on Mingi. I cannot trust him to make a completely individual decision without being influenced by Hongjoong in some way.”</p><p> </p><p>“And what if Mingi didn’t know where Hongjoong stood on the issue?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s… a possibility, for sure. He may not know what Hongjoong would want or ask of him; he could only assume. But he doesn’t operate on assumptions, just as he doesn’t make choices for himself. How is he supposed to know which one is right?” You wish you had the time to stop Jongho again and look him in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t pretend to know or understand Mingi better than you do, Jongho. But of all people, you should be the one able to answer that question, no?”</p><p> </p><p>“I should be, yes.” Jongho lets his sentence trail off with a sigh, and he brings a hand up to comb through his hair, pushing it off his forehead with the movements. “I know that Mingi will make the decision that feels best to him. I worry because there are so many unknowns involved. However, I-I want to give the choice over to him, and I want to give him a chance, if nothing else. At the end of the day, all I want is for Mingi to be alright.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then be the one to give this to him, <em> please </em>.” Perhaps you are merely searching for some sort of justification, something that makes your decision okay and fair, and perhaps it is selfish of you to thrust this onto his shoulders rather than bear the weight yourself. But as Jongho nods, everything feels okay for that brief moment. Then the Berserker disappears from your side before you can blink, and a flash of blond appears in front of you. It takes some time for you to recognize Yeosang standing there, profusely sweating to the point where his bangs are glued to his forehead thanks to the moisture. You hardly process the limpness of San’s body around Jongho’s shoulders as Yeosang passes him over to the Berserker, and you think that if you dwell on it any longer, the pain will be too much to handle.</p><p> </p><p>Then, all of a sudden, Yeosang is facing you head-on and it’s as though you are staring down the gauntlet of death just from the look in his eyes. It doesn’t soften even as Jongho shifts San’s weight in his arms and begins to guide the way back to the hangar.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you get the serum?” You ask, tone so thick that your voice is hardly audible. Yeosang falls into step with you when you move to follow Jongho.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I did,” Yeosang scoffs as he exposes three vials of stark blue liquid. You blink away before the memory comes swirling back.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you still think it was the right thing to do?”</p><p> </p><p>“What of you? Was your decision the right one?” Yeosang counters without missing a beat.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course it was. Actually giving Mingi a choice in the matter is what’s fair.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then you are naive and narrow-minded, only looking at one part of a larger picture. Think about San’s reaction. Truly stop and think about it. Because of your decision and what you chose to do, you took away his choice in the matter. Jongho’s choice. Seonghwa’s. Mine. The people who didn’t want this did not get a choice, did they?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sometimes, not everyone gets to make a choice. There is right and wrong, and the right thing to do was what I did. Jongho understands that and he agrees with me. He is willing to cooperate and talk with Mingi about this matter.”</p><p> </p><p>“Would San think the same? It didn’t sound like he would earlier. In fact, it sounded like San was so vehemently adamant about it being the <em> wrong </em> thing to do that he was ready to do anything to stop it. You can handle me hating you but I wonder — can you handle San hating you?” You sink your teeth into your lip. The skin splits under the pressure, and you taste blood on the tip of your tongue.</p><p> </p><p>“He will understand that it had to be done,” you whisper. “He has to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yet you only say that to save yourself from the pain of reality, do you not? You don’t truly believe it. Because after all that he’s been through, don’t you imagine that San finds more security in his own morals than those of others?”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop.” You intend for the word to be spoken with force and anger, but the syllable breaks on your tongue as the corners of your eyes burn with unshed tears. Your lip quivers dangerously, and despite all your efforts, you cannot keep it from happening. Yeosang’s glare is nothing compared to the pain ripping through your chest.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t even try to pretend to be an Elitist. Perhaps Wooyoung’s suspicions were right.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you talking about?” You hiss between gritted teeth. Yeosang merely shakes his head and refuses to answer your question.</p><p> </p><p>“To answer your original question,” he continues after a small pause, “yes, it was the right decision. It was the right thing to do. And you – you need to be secure in that. You need to stand by it and be strong. If you knew beforehand that you would not be able to stick to the plan, you should not have dangled opportunity and empty promises before San and Jongho’s eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>“And what would you have done?” You spit.</p><p> </p><p>“I would have done the same as you,” he admits, shrugging his shoulders as though it’s the most casual thing in the world. “I cannot pretend that I would not make the same mistakes you have for my weaknesses are far too obvious in that regard.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wooyoung.” It is spoken more as a statement rather than a question, a mere confirmation of what Yeosang said, and his small nod only adds to that.</p><p> </p><p>“It is clear that you care for San. Whether that care runs as deep as the care Wooyoung and I share for each other is yet to be seen, but I would encourage you to tread carefully. Most pain can be fixed with time, but certain mistakes are irreversible. You’re toying a dangerous line between what can be undone and what can’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is this a warning, Yeosang?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not one spoken out of spite, as surprising as that may be. One spoken from experience.” Yeosang’s tone falls a bit quiet with the words, and even though it lasts less than a second, you spot a flickering emotion in his dark eyes. The briefest moment of vulnerability that is gone before you know it. “Regret is a disease, Y/N. Once it blossoms even the smallest bud, it won’t leave as long as you live, even if the worst is yet to come. Even if you haven’t done what you set out to do yet. Even if you have only dreamed about crossing that line in your worst nightmares. It never leaves you, and I would not wish that pain on even my worst enemies.”</p><p> </p><p>It hurts to swallow, like you are trying to down a brick that has somehow lodged itself in the column of your throat, and you couldn’t be more grateful for the silence. You don’t have to suffer in it for much longer either, because the shadow of the ship looms before you, tucked away inside the hangar and shrouded from prying eyes as it has been throughout your whole stay on the planet. Jongho shifts San’s weight on his shoulders as he slips through the airlock and turns to face you and Yeosang.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take San to the medbay to let him rest. You two should probably head straight to the bridge.” His gaze lingers on your face for a little while longer. You wait, expecting him to say something more, but that never comes and you are left with his silence until he turns on his heel and heads down the corridor.</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang doesn’t wait for you to gather your bearings before doing the same, walking in the opposite direction, and you nearly trip over your feet in your rush to chase after him. He provides no conversation, although given what he shared with you not long ago, you aren’t sure you even want to hear him speak out of fear of how much it might hurt. His warning has left the bitter taste of ambiguity and curiosity on the back of your tongue. It was always clear that he cared for Wooyoung more than anyone else, but for him to speak with such pain in his eyes – however brief that pain may have been – means that the pair have been through more together than you initially imagined. And if Yeosang could barely conceal his pain effectively as an Elitist, you cannot imagine what kind of pain you would have seen had Wooyonug been the one telling you that. And somewhere in the back of your mind, a vague and fuzzy image arises of San’s face, eyes filled with that pain and tears that you wish not to think about. You can at least be glad when you reach the bridge to find Seonghwa standing there alone, eyes watching the entrance with bated breath. He heaves a deep sigh when you and Yeosang step through, fists relaxing by his sides.</p><p> </p><p>“Jongho and San?”</p><p> </p><p>“Medbay,” Yeosang mutters, stepping around the lieutenant to get to Hongjoong’s quarters. Seonghwa lets him go without a fight, but the moment you try to do the same, he slips in front of you. Hands find your shoulders, and his grip hovers between a firm hold and a gentle touch. It is the most minimal form of intimacy, but it’s more than you have had from Seonghwa in at least a week.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened out there?” You know what he’s referring to and what he’s asking but you cannot provide the answer he’s searching for.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing happened,” you mutter back. Seonghwa’s touch disappears, and you curse yourself for missing the warmth so much. It returns less than a second later as he presses his hands to the underside of your jaw and cradles your face as though you’re made from glass. He doesn’t utter a word for too long; instead, his gaze continues to trail over every centimeter of your features like he’s trying to memorize the sight in front of him or see through you to find the truth. You know it’s not logical but it feels as though hours pass before he speaks again.</p><p> </p><p>“We can talk later. Right now we ought to see Hongjoong about this mess.”</p><p> </p><p>“I would rather be anywhere else.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa tilts his chin to the side, pondering your words for a few seconds, and then he nods slowly. It’s like he can see straight through your walls without having to do more than blink.</p><p> </p><p>“You should go see San. Check on him and see if he’s doing well. Yeosang and I can easily handle Hongjoong on our own.”</p><p> </p><p>You return the words with a nod of your own and pull away from Seonghwa to do as told. You don’t get more than a foot away, however, Seonghwa’s fingers closing around your wrist and pulling you forward once more. Air catches in your lungs. Your eyes find his nearly onyx ones, refusing to break contact even to blink as he guides you back with hesitant steps. You gasp out a shaky exhale when your back hits the wall. Seonghwa doesn’t stop moving forward until he’s intruded on your breathing space, lips so close to yours that if you exhale too much, your mouths would connect.</p><p> </p><p>“How foolish of me to think that I was going to… forgive me for being greedy, I – I missed this,” Seonghwa whispers.</p><p> </p><p>“Being physical or me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Need I remind you that I swore I would not have you unfairly?” Seonghwa tilts his head back only to huff out a laugh. When he returns to his original position, you are right there to greet him with a kiss, slotting your lips against his with a force that surprises the both of you. Seonghwa inhales sharply, and his shoulders tense from the shock of the action before he settles into the touch and presses back into your lips with equal fervor. You refuse to part until you’re desperate for air, pulling away to breathe in each other’s air. “I suppose that means you missed me as well?”</p><p> </p><p>The question is meant to be teasing and nothing more. You are well aware of that, and yet it flips an invisible switch in your head that sends you reeling.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Did you miss me, Y/N?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bright, bright eyes sparkling with all the love in the universe.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N? Are you alright?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I would give my life for yours if you would just let me.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Your chin dips closer to your chest, shrouding yourself from Seonghwa’s prying gaze until he shifts with you in attempts to make eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m here, Y/N, talk to me.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Don’t subject me to a life without you in it, Jisung.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa’s fingers brush over your chin, and he lifts your face just enough to examine your distraught expression with one that is equally concerned and distressed.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I…” The words you truly want to say die on your tongue.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I could never. I love you far too much to do that.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gone.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m here, Y/N.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Promise me that you won’t.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jisung is <em> gone </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going anywhere, Y/N.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I swear on my life that I’ll never leave you.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps promises are made only to be broken and that is the only reason why he could not maintain the one he made to you. You’re certain that your life could be described as the sum of broken promises, and all you can amount to is a gross combination of bitterness and pessimism. Even though Seonghwa says he isn’t going anywhere, you can’t shake the pain that has overstayed its welcome yet refuses to go away. You would put all your trust in him if not for that same pain. You owe him an explanation – a decent one in the very least, and a proper one since he’s been so patient and gentle with you – and yet all you can manage to do is slip out of Seonghwa’s grasp.</p><p> </p><p>“I – Hongjoong needs you more than I do right now,” you whisper. Looking up at Seonghwa’s expression provides a completely new punch in the gut, and you could burst into tears on the spot just from the sight of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Yet even if you did need me more, would you let me help you?’ Seonghwa asks. His tone does not rise about a whisper, and you know that is merely because it conceals most of the wobble in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“If I knew what I needed, then yes.” You release a dry laugh, and it sears your throat as it breaches the air before you, hand coming up to comb through your hair. Seonghwa says nothing more. It may not be an opportunity to leave but you take it as one, slipping back out through the corridor and leaving in the direction you came.</p><p> </p><p>Each step away from the bridge seems heavier than the last. You aren’t sure if it’s the exhaustion finally catching up to you and hitting hard or if the emotional distress has caused it, but walking all the way to the medbay is a struggle of its own. The hazy thoughts that occupy your mind don’t help in the slightest, especially those surrounding the fuzzy and unwelcome memories of Jisung. Sheer willpower is the only thing keeping you on your feet at this point surely because otherwise you would collapse or pass out on the floor outside the door.</p><p> </p><p>The metal door slides open to reveal the white expanse of the medbay, only disturbed by San’s presence on one of the beds and Yunho’s form sitting at the foot of his bed with a tablet in hand. Yunho snaps his chin in your direction the moment you step through, eyes flipping from apprehension to something more relaxed once he realizes who you are. San seems to be comfortably asleep with no wires or tubes connected to him. Just resting. You wonder how long it’s been since he had this sort of opportunity to rest without being disturbed.</p><p> </p><p>“You just missed Jongho,” Yunho says, returning his focus to the tablet. “Couldn’t bear to be around me any longer.” A scoff follows, and you shift your weight from foot to foot.</p><p> </p><p>“Is everything alright between the two of you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m supposed to be the doctor, not you.” Yunho laughs, a sound that is loud and clear but does not disturb San’s rest in the slightest. Your gaze trails over the Spectre before coming to a halt on Yunho’s side profile. You shrug even though he isn’t looking at you, hoping that he will catch the motion in his peripheral.</p><p> </p><p>“What happens when the doctor needs someone to talk to?”</p><p> </p><p>“He goes to the captain.”</p><p> </p><p>“What about now? Would you go to the captain now?”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho pushes the tablet onto his lap. Sharp brown eyes flitter up to meet yours, and the first and only thing you notice is a certain lackluster gleam in them. The usual confidence and grandeur to his aura is dull and dismal. He nods his head towards a spare stool, and you’re quick to drag it forward and sit near the foot of the bed.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I wouldn’t. But you’re probably wondering what I’m thinking too. After preaching about how awful the military was for taking away your choices, how could I of all people stoop so low?”</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone sees situations differently.”</p><p> </p><p>“I regret bringing it up and making it an option.” Yunho toys with a loose thread on the blanket under him as he speaks. You’ve never thought the man to be young – childish and immature in some regards, mostly thanks to his jokes and sense of humor – but he has never looked to be a child in your eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Right now, with his legs pulled under him and hands clenching the white blanket, you can say with confidence that Yunho looks like a child. One who is lost and without direction, seeking answers to questions that he cannot ask. And yet, it only makes sense that he would appear that way. He mentioned how he grew up in his mother’s profession learning medicine and tending to wounded people day in and day out. The festival was a luxury he only got once a year, and from the way he spoke of it, it sounded like it was the sole luxury he had.</p><p> </p><p>So no, you have never seen Yunho in this light, but now it is clearer than ever that Yunho suffers and struggles because he was a child who was forced to grow up too quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“A good doctor wouldn’t do that.” He speaks in such a way that sounds as though he is trying to convince himself of that fact rather than you.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you a bad doctor for one mistake?”</p><p> </p><p>“I am a bad doctor for not being able to properly help Mingi.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why is that your job though? Especially when Jongho says that he’s the one best equipped to handle it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I witne–it’s just in my nature. I have seen too much pain in my life to sit idly by and watch others suffer. I have to help people, no matter who they are or what they are. I have to fix them because if not then — then I… what am I if I don’t? A failure of a doctor. So if this fixes Mingi then why would I not take that chance?”</p><p> </p><p>“Would a good doctor take away someone’s choice?” You inquire. “Do you not give every other member of the crew one? Why is Mingi different?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing else <em> works </em> . What am I supposed to do? All possible treatments over the past six years have failed. The progress we’ve made is minimal at best but Mingi is still in <em> pain </em>. As a doctor, I am supposed to take that pain away but I only see it getting worse and worse with time as he learns more and understands his feelings better. For what? I know that it’s because of me. I just… I want to take it away.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you trying to do, Yunho? Are you afraid? Is that it?”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho doesn’t respond right away; instead, he glances down at San’s resting face with tears welling in the corners of his eyes. His next breaths come in shaky gasps – desperate attempts to keep from falling apart. You have only seen him look so fragile and vulnerable once before: when he held a gun to a thug’s head and told him to move out of the way.</p><p> </p><p>“I am only afraid of one thing and that is failure,” Yunho admits once the silence has dragged on for a bit. “And every time I look at Mingi, I see a reflection of my failures. Forgive me for doing things that will take away that reflection.”</p><p> </p><p>There is a stark selfishness in Yunho’s words, an inherent interest to save himself rather than Mingi, and that sends a surge of anger through your veins. You huff air through your teeth, letting the sound ring before standing up and moving towards the door once more. You hesitate just before stepping out and turn to face Yunho head-on as you speak your next words.</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t forgive you for being a coward who is afraid to face the thing he fears most or for being a selfish prick who only cares about his own pain. You can run all you want but don’t ask for forgiveness.”</p><p> </p><p>It puts Yunho on the defensive; his eyes blaze and he sits up a bit straighter with a hardly concealed venom to his gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“And you would know that feeling well, wouldn’t you?” He laughs, and this time the sound holds none of its usual mirth and brightness. “Running? That’s all you’ve ever done. You can’t outrun who you used to be because you are too afraid to lose it. Letting go and moving on is your biggest fear and the thing that holds you back the most. You can stand there and preach about how I should face my fears that are practically trivial compared to yours while you do what? Keep running and clinging to the past?”</p><p> </p><p>You aren’t aware of the tears in your eyes until they hit your cheeks, leaving a path of messy streaks down to your jawline. Yunho has surely already seen the effect his words have on you, but you jerk your head away from his prying gaze anyway and glare at the metal of the door.</p><p> </p><p>“So much for being a good doctor,” you hiss out with as much stability as you can manage. Then you are out the door and gone into the hall. There is nothing more to say, and his words have already taken root in your chest, stretching its reach far into your veins, and every fragmented memory and broken flashback you’ve had throughout the day comes rushing back with the force of a typhoon.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I could never. I love you far too much to do that.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Promise me that you won’t.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I swear on my life that I’ll never leave you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Every muscle in your body feels heavier than lead, and you aren’t sure how you manage to keep pushing yourself forward without collapsing. The tremble in your fingers is a sign of what’s to come, panic surges through your veins and swells around your vision, and you reach out to brace yourself on the wall.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Just give me some more time. We’ll get this sorted out.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“How? There’s no fixing this, Hyunwoo! We were caught. I was caught! How do you expect to fix that?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I would rather die than see them take your memories of us away.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>What would they say if they could see you now? Perhaps you replaced them too quickly? You were quick to push them out of your life? What did Hyunwoo sacrifice himself for? Your self-destructive plan to pardon his crimes and put yourself back in jail?</p><p> </p><p>The memories swirling around you are so vivid that you can almost feel Jisung’s hand in yours when he appears at the forefront of your mind. That vision doesn’t last for long though because something new and unwelcome hits you out of nowhere. It strikes with enough force to make you stumble and collapse to your knees, fingers clenching against the cold floor as a new image comes to life.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Everything is dark around you, save for the pale yellow moonlight that filters through a small grate in the ceiling. You can hardly see the scenery outside thanks to the puffy clouds covering the round and full moon. Your prison rattles as the driver hits a bump in the road, then a horse neighs, and you curl into yourself more. The shackles around your wrists are heavy, chains dragging on the floor of your walled cage, but the thick collar about your neck is the only one you can feel. It’s tight enough to choke you, letting you breathe just enough to stay conscious but nothing more than that. Somewhere off to your left, there is some whispering. You can’t understand it – the language is foreign and strange to your ears – but when you glance over, you find a child bearing similar shackles as you. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Lasu – lasu kan tan wogo?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>You don’t respond even as her eyes meet yours. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Lasu kan tan wogo?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The image disperses, her whispers fading into a vague nothingness as you return to reality, and all you can see is the haze of the lights above you blurring with the walls. The edges of your vision are speckled with black dots, and your head hurts so badly you can barely keep your eyes open. You don’t have to for much longer because you can feel yourself slipping into unconsciousness, but just before you do, you see a pair of unfamiliar black boots approaching you.</p><p> </p><p>Warmth. Everything is warm as strong arms slip around your body and lift you high with overwhelming ease. Nothing about the touch or scent of the person is familiar, and you know that it can’t possibly be Jongho or Wooyoung. It shouldn’t be San or Yunho either, but that’s more logical than a random intruder coming onto the ship. A hand brushes over your forehead, hot against your clammy and cold skin.</p><p> </p><p>“I could sense your distress all the way from the cargo bay.”</p><p> </p><p>A man. Cargo bay. Sensing your distress. A Berserker? A Siren? Seonghwa? Not possible, he wasn’t anywhere near the cargo bay.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay; you can calm yourself some. Just rest for now.” His tone is so gentle and warm. He could put you to sleep just like this, and it only takes one more sentence for him to do so. “I’ll bring you to Healer.” Your body falls completely limp in his grasp and darkness takes over you, a pleasant sense of calm rushing to greet you as you slip into unconsciousness.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p>
  <em>The walled prison has returned stronger than before. The road remains bumpy and rocky as you ride along in the darkness, the same child still sitting a foot away from you with her knees tucked close to her chest. You eye her form with a sense of wariness; her nonsensical mutterings haven’t ceased. In fact, they’ve only increased in both volume and quantity no matter how obvious you try to be about ignoring her.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p><em>“Lasu kan tan wogo? </em> <em>Cezi, lasu kan tan wogo?”</em> <em><br/></em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know what you’re saying,” you mutter as a new word comes into her sentences. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Hosun gatu lu!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know what you’re saying. I’m sorry, I-I can’t help you.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p><em>“</em> <em>Lasu kan tan wogo?” Her ceaseless mutterings return, and you let her voice fade into the background as you look around the cell. You don’t know how long things carry on like that, with noisy chains and neighing horses drowning out the foreign words. When the prison comes to a halt at long last, you don’t know what to expect next. Ahead of you, a door bursts open to reveal several cloaked figures shrouded by the moonlight. One reaches forward and grabs hold of your chains, jerking you roughly. You blink against the harsh light filtering in behind them, unable to defend yourself as the person pulls you out of the cage. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>More cages just like your own fill your vision. They are all around you, filling the rocky and flat terrain like they belong there, all containing people of all ages in chains like yourself. Another figure tugs your companion out of the prison, and her voice grows in volume as she continues to repeat her question over and over. No one answers her. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>You don’t know what comes over you – perhaps a surge of panic and fear – but you yank against your captor’s grip with as much force as you can manage.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“H-Help! Someone – someone help!” You cry out, voice croaking like a frog, and your throat burns from the effort. One of the chained prisoners in front of you turns at the sound of your voice. Dark charcoal hair flutters in the still air as he whips around to face you, eyes wide and curious as they land on you. All the air leaves your lungs. Your heart constricts painfully in your chest, and you choke on nothing as his face comes into focus. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>A cloaked man steps in front of you and effectively blocks your line of sight before you can examine the sight further.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>A searing pain blossoms over your cheek, and it takes a moment for you to process that the person has just punched you.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Another blow comes down on your head. You feel your body go down before your mind catches up, and you enter a harsh freefall. Your chains clatter as you tumble to the ground.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Y/N!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Wooyoung!” You jolt awake, chest heaving as you gasp in deep breaths of air. There’s only one person in the room with you when you wake up, and you don’t need to see him to know who it is thanks to the shrill yelp he releases upon hearing your outburst. He slips backwards and falls off the stool he was sitting on, ass hitting the floor roughly. Ironically enough, it’s Wooyoung who now sits on the floor with wide and curious eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Holy <em>fuck</em>, you scared the shit out of me!” He exclaims, lips folding into a soft pout. “You’re up earlier than I thought you’d be though. You haven’t even been resting for that long.”</p><p> </p><p>You glance around the room, taking in the white walls of the medbay, and your gaze shifts to the bed where San had been earlier. It’s empty now, made in such a way that makes it look like no one was ever there to begin with.</p><p> </p><p>“S-San? Where is he?” You stammer as Wooyoung pulls himself back to his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“He woke up not too long ago and went straight to the bridge to talk to Hongjoong.” Wooyoung brushes his hands over his thighs, rubbing the fabric of his pants until it’s clean of dirt. When he sits back on the stool, he folds one leg under him and peers at you with a skeptical gaze. “Why’d you say my name when you woke up?”</p><p> </p><p>“I…” How are you supposed to explain your dream when you don’t understand it yourself? The strange language, the weird scenery, <em>Wooyoung </em>– you aren’t sure where to even start with it. “Di-Did – I, um, have a question. Did w-we know each other at one point?”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung’s frown deepens. He leans back a bit, eyes scanning your expression for any sign of humor or sarcasm there.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you hit your head or something?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, just – did we know each other at one point?”</p><p> </p><p>“Um… before you came to the ship, I had never seen you or known who you were. I only heard about you through word of mouth and bounties. Why do you ask?”</p><p> </p><p>“I had t-this dream, and you were in it. In chains and a collar like the one you have now, but… but I was too? I don’t know what it means.”</p><p> </p><p>“It was just a dream, Y/N,” Wooyoung says. He shakes his head a bit, bangs shifting on his forehead, and the image of him whipping around to face you in that misty landscape returns.</p><p> </p><p>“It felt real. It didn’t feel like a dream – more like a memory.”</p><p> </p><p>“I really didn’t know you before you came to the ship, Y/N. I don’t know what you think – <em>who</em> you think I am, but… I don’t know. Maybe you heard me and Yunho talking while you were asleep? And that’s why I showed up in your dream?”</p><p> </p><p>That is debatable at best, but you opt not to voice your doubts.</p><p> </p><p>“Where is Yunho anyway?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, he didn’t want to be here when you woke up. Thought you wouldn’t want to see him.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s probably the opposite actually,” you huff.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I – Yunho told me what happened,” Wooyoung explains. He tilts his head from side to side as he ponders his next words then slides his stool forward so that he can prop his elbows on the bed. “You know Yeosang and I have spent a lot of time together. Lots of years at each other’s side and lots of time in each other’s space. We’ve said a lot of things that were harsh. We’ve been cruel to one another with our words and what we say. Been hurtful and mean and torn each other apart. Not because we don’t care – quite the opposite really. Sometimes our fear overshadows how we feel about one another. Misunderstandings happen, tempers flare, people say things they don’t mean in the heat of the moment. But that doesn’t mean that it should or will ruin your relationship with them. Hell, Yeosang is an Elitist. He barely shows an ounce of emotion most of the time, and I struggle with that because I just have to take his word for his feelings. I don’t get the pleasure of seeing how much he cares about me all the time because he can’t always show it. We’ve struggled with that together and individually, but we never let it destroy us.”</p><p> </p><p>“You and Yeosang must really love each other if you’re so confident about that.” Wooyoung offers a weak smile in response to your words, but the light doesn’t reach his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“We do…”</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t you sound certain then?”</p><p> </p><p>“I love him, and he loves me. That’s it. It can’t go anywhere, and we don’t put a label on anything because we simply can’t.” Wooyoung stops himself from saying anything else, and his gaze drops to the mattress.</p><p> </p><p>“Why not?” You don’t get an answer straight away, although that isn’t Wooyoung’s fault.</p><p> </p><p>“Crew to the bridge.” It’s Seonghwa’s voice, as even and steady as ever, and both you and Wooyoung glance up to the speaker in the corner of the room. Wooyoung doesn’t move a muscle, however, and he continues to stare at you with an unchanging expression before he answers your question.</p><p> </p><p>“We went to a fortune teller once – just the two of us before we even joined the crew or knew anything about pirates. To see my future, not Yeosang’s, but… when the woman looked into my future, Yeosang wasn’t in the picture. She said that we were not meant to be in each other’s lives. Our meeting was a mistake, and it was not what fate had planned for us. And as such, any attempts we made to stay close to each other would inevitably end in flames. All because the stars didn’t align for us.” Wooyoung laughs weakly before he glances back up to your face.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you truly believe it?” You inquire in a quieter tone, matching Wooyoung’s solemn expression. The man heaves a deep sigh. A smile stretches his lips but it isn’t kind or humorous in the slightest, merely painful. That thought you had of seeing how much pain Wooyoung would be in when speaking of Yeosang suddenly comes to life before your eyes, and it is far worse than you imagined it would be.</p><p> </p><p>“Every time I kiss him, it feels like someone is digging a hole in my chest and prying my ribcage open so they can carve my heart out. Does that sound like fate to you?” Wooyoung pulls himself up and sits straight as a board. “I don’t care for fate or destiny. I would rather it not exist, but I can’t deny the feeling that I get in my chest in those moments of intimacy. In a perfect world, I would get to call him mine without worrying about what fate has planned for us. But this? This is far from a perfect world.”</p><p> </p><p>Whatever words you thought to say die on your tongue in the face of Wooyoung’s dismal explanation.</p><p> </p><p>“Crew to the bridge,” Seonghwa repeats, sounding a tad more exasperated this time around.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, let’s get up there before we make them mad. You’ll be okay to walk?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” you reply with a nod, letting Wooyoung pull you to your feet. “Who was it who brought me in here anyway? I think I passed out before I saw.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mingi!” Wooyoung beams, and his smile stretches so wide that his nose scrunched up and his cheeks shine. “I stepped out of my room right as he was walking by with you, and he told me that he found you having a panic attack in the hallway.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “All possible treatments over the past six years have failed. The progress we’ve made is minimal at best but Mingi is still in pain .” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“It’s amazing, honestly. A few years ago, he probably would have killed you to put you out of your misery had he found you. But now – now he knows how important saving people is to Yunho, and he understands it even if he doesn’t agree with it.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And every time I look at Mingi, I see a reflection of my failures. Forgive me for doing things that will take away that reflection.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It is clear to you in that moment that somewhere along the way, Yunho got things twisted. He viewed progress and growth in terms of the amount of pain a person was in, not the shifts in their decisions and opinions. And surely there are reasons for that – perhaps that story Hongjoong mentioned of how Mingi killed Yunho’s lover affected things in some way – but you cannot shake the feeling that it runs deeper than that. The boy who grew up too fast thanks to his profession as a healer is all too similar to the one who was robbed of his childhood to be a killer.</p><p> </p><p>You and Wooyoung are the last to reach the bridge. The crew is spread out more awkwardly than the last time you all were here together: San and Yunho linger off to the side with flat expressions while Mingi and Jongho stand closer together, and Yeosang stands near the captain’s chair, keeping his hands folded neatly behind his back. Seonghwa is on the opposite side of the chair, and he bears a similar stance to Yeosang except he rests a hand on the back of Hongjoong’s chair. It’s close enough to brush over the man’s shoulder, but Seonghwa opts not to and keeps the distance he has currently. You try not to let your thoughts wander back to your exchange with Yunho. He glances up at you when you step onto the bridge though, and the neutrality in his visage crumbles into regret and guilt the moment you lock eyes. Wooyoung has to nudge your arm to get you to continue moving.</p><p> </p><p>“Right, now that we’re all here…” Hongjoong clears his throat and sends a pointed look toward you and Wooyoung that has you both mumbling quiet apologies. “And now that Jongho and Mingi have had time to speak one on one, we need to come to a decision about this whole ordeal prior to leaving tomorrow morning. After no shortage of discussions with the lieutenant, we at last reached an agreement to allow the choice to be Mingi’s and Mingi’s alone.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung’s hand darts out to grab yours, and you’re just as caught off-guard as he is. While he releases an audible gasp, your lips part in a silent one that has you looking over at Seonghwa to gauge his expression. Despite the exhaustion, you find a certain degree of relief there along with a faint smile that blooms when he blinks down at Hongjoong’s head.</p><p> </p><p>“And I believe you’ve explained everything to him, Jongho?”</p><p> </p><p>“I have. As promised, no biases.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong nods only once then turns to Mingi. He stretches a hand out, fingers unfurling to reveal two vials of blue liquid in his palm.</p><p> </p><p>“What would you have me do, Captain?” Mingi inquires the moment Hongjoong reaches forward. For a moment, you think Hongjoong will answer that question truthfully. However, all he does is offer a tight smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I would have you decide what’s best for yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>The tension throughout the room is so thick that you could cut through it with a knife, and Wooyoung’s grip on your hand increases with each second that passes in silence. Anxiety still bubbles in your gut despite the fact that you got what you wanted. You wanted this for Mingi, you were so desperate for it, but you can’t keep yourself from wondering if it will all go to waste when Mingi makes the choice.</p><p> </p><p>“I… don’t like being in pain,” Mingi starts. Hongjoong’s jaw shifts and his hand wavers, but he manages a steady nod. “And I do wonder what it would be like if I took the serum but… at the same time, I have memories I do not want to let go of. All that’s left of my father are my memories of him. Even if I should despise him for the choices he made, I would not like to forget those things. I have many regrets and have made many mistakes as well but – those are not things I would like to forget. I need them to learn more and better understand why they are mistakes and why I regret them. But I can’t pretend not to know that you would rather me put it behind me and move forward without having that hold me back.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wou–I will not share my bias,” Hongjoong says, lips pressed tight together.</p><p> </p><p>“Even if you did, my decision would remain the same. I don’t want it. Captain, I – <em>Hongjoong</em>, I would rather they be destroyed.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong’s face falls so flat that it terrifies you. You cannot read his next move, whether he’s angry or relieved, any of the thoughts running through his mind are lost on you in his stillness. There are signs of relief on San’s face, as well as Seonghwa’s and Jongho’s, which you expected from them. Yeosang seems to be thinking of something else, and based on Wooyoung’s wavering hold on your hand, he is grateful to hear Mingi’s decision as well. Yunho won’t look up from the floor.</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong stands up slowly then steps down from the chair to be face to face with Mingi. The Berserker towers over him, but when Hongjoong looks up at the man’s face, you see zero intimidation or fear in either one of them. He lifts one of Mingi’s hands and pushes the two vials into his palm, closing his fingers around Mingi’s.</p><p> </p><p>“However you see fit to destroy them, I would only ask that you be the one to do it.” Hongjoong pulls away from Mingi after that and returns to the captain’s chair to sit back down. “Lieutenant Park constructed the plans for if this was Mingi’s decision, so… he will provide the details himself.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa pulls his arm off the back of Hongjoong’s chair to stand up straighter, nodding to the captain before speaking himself.</p><p> </p><p>“The planet is home to many bunkers thanks to the asteroids circling the planet. In the event that these asteroids fall into the atmosphere and collide with the planet, the inhabitants are to use these bunkers as safe havens to protect themselves from harm. Over time, many bandit crews have taken to claiming bunkers for their own, including our allies in the Bloodletter Crew. I exchanged a call with them last night to discuss the usage of one of these bunkers, and we came to an agreement about allowing Mingi to reside in one of their bunkers for as long as we are out on this mission. It will prevent him from having to go see Vladimir with us, but also protect him from Vladimir’s men circling the ship while we’re gone. They will also take some of the cargo off our hands as that was the price they named for this exchange. A bit of lost money in the long run, but well worth it for the safety of the crew. The bunker they’re providing is not far from our destination, so San and Jongho will accompany Mingi to the bunker and reconvene with the rest of us outside. From there, we conduct the mission as discussed. San and Jongho will take left-wing while Yunho, Wooyoung, and Y/N maintain the right. Yeosang and I will accompany Hongjoong to meet with Vladimir. The wing teams are merely there to watch for any tricks Vladimir might have up his sleeve. He is not beyond assassination attempts in plain sight, so all of you need to be as alert as possible.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that all?” Hongjoong asks, glancing up at the lieutenant.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Captain, everything as we discussed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Very well then, I would advise you all to go and rest now. It’ll be an early morning and a long day tomorrow. And Jongho, if you please stay a moment so we can talk in private. Mingi as well, if you would.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, can we have a celebration dinner right now, please! If Jongho is gonna be a while that means he doesn’t get to cook!” Wooyoung exclaims as he tugs his hand away from yours. “Seonghwa, please give us a decent meal for once, I am not too ashamed to beg for it.” The lieutenant snorts and rolls his eyes but steps down from where he’s standing nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>“Unlike Yeosang, I would not like to hear you beg for anything. I’ll still treat you all either way though.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung sputters at Seonghwa’s comment, cheeks flushing a bright red in seconds, and you can’t keep from smiling at the small exchange. San moves with Seonghwa when the man steps forward, and Wooyoung returns to grab your hand before trying to drag you from the bridge in his excitement. Jongho stays behind as asked, and Mingi lingers at his side as asked. Yeosang is the last to move, waiting for Yunho to catch up before falling into step with him. You are about to bring your chin forward to focus on making sure that Wooyoung doesn’t guide you into a wall, but something happens to keep you from doing so.</p><p> </p><p>It is as discreet as possible, but you catch sight of the exchange nonetheless. As you do, your breath hitches in your throat and you forget how to function for a moment. It's the flash of blue that passes from Yeosang's hand to Yunho's, slipping under sleeves with haste so that no one sees it, and the hushed whispers Yeosang hurries to send in the healer's direction. You don't know what they're talking about, but there is a growing hunch that it has nothing to do with Mingi or Hongjoong. Yeosang would not be this secretive if that was the case; no, this is something quite different, something outside of the current situation entirely, and that scares you more than anything else.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: lmfAO 12K?!? bITCH HOW!!! okay but anyway i honestly forgot what to do with myself it feels like it’s been years since an update and i was so anxious to get this one out and it ended up being !!! 12 fucking k!!!! what the hell!!! crazy stuff fr oml i hope you enjoy seriously, this one was a joy to write and i enjoyed it so much so i hope that translates and you enjoy as well!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Act Four - Part 1.5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Hey, did you take my green blanket?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My green blanket! The one Jongho got me for my last birthday?” Wooyoung puffs his cheeks full of air when his companion merely squints at the ceiling rather than responding. “You’re using it right now, aren’t you? Under the comforter? You just took my blanket, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yeosang hums, pulling the sheets up closer to his chin. Wooyoung strains to see if there’s a flash of green underneath, but he isn’t able to catch anything at this angle. “Besides, what good are birthday presents for someone who doesn’t even have a birthday?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung can’t resist the urge to roll his eyes. The question is far from offensive or harsh; Yeosang tends to be blunt more than anything else, and he does have a valid point in the question since Wooyoung truly has no recollection of when his birthday is. Although it was Yeosang’s idea to claim his birthday as the day he was set free. The warmth in Yeosang’s eyes when he suggested that was far too enticing to say no to, so Wooyoung agreed without batting an eye. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are a terrible liar, Kang Yeosang,” he hisses out, edging closer to the bed. Yeosang lifts a brow but doesn’t budge.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t lie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You omit the truth, and that’s the same as lying.” Wooyoung lifts a finger to jab it in the blond’s direction, unamused when the other cracks a small knowing smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How so?” He inquires nonetheless. The teasing gleam to his gaze doesn’t let up for a second.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know how so!” Wooyoung protests quickly. He pulls himself further onto the bed, tossing all his weight onto Yeosang’s torso, and the other man releases a groan from the sudden pressure. “I hope you pass out, you thief.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, have you gained weight? You seem heavier than usual.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Heavier than usual? Heavier than usual! Why you little–” Wooyoung reaches behind Yeosang’s head and snatches up a pillow before smacking it hard against the Elitist’s face. Yeosang manages to bring his arms up in time to block a majority of the impact, but Wooyoung’s superior position allows him to work around his arms and hit him on the crown of his head. “I hope that feels heavier than usual too!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang huffs out a laugh in response. He snatches the pillow from Wooyoung’s hands when Wooyoung next brings the cushion down, pushing it to the side and grabbing hold of his wrists with such ease that Wooyoung’s heart practically jumps in his chest. Yeosang twists his body despite being caught under the sheets, and all of a sudden Wooyoung is the one being pinned to the bed, red rushing up his neck at the intimacy of the position.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-Hey,” he mutters as he glances away from Yeosang’s prying gaze. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean it in a bad way, Woo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, I was just teasing you!” Wooyoung stretches his grin, cheeks scrunching up as he beams at Yeosang without a care in the world. The Elitist doesn’t seem pleased with his quick response though and continues his train of thought a moment later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could afford to put on a bit more weight at that. And we could spend more time in the training room if you’d like. I’d be hap–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh hush, you.” Wooyoung blows air into Yeosang’s face to shut him up, and the tactic works out rather well for him seeing as Yeosang blinks against the assault with confusion painting his features. “Unlike you, my stomach was never fit for a prince’s diet or a royal meal plan. But I can eat a bit more if that would make you happy!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I like you just the way you are,” Yeosang hums in response. He speaks the words so softly that Wooyoung hardly catches them but when he does, the flush on his cheeks deepens to a scarlet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t tease me about my weight, tell me that it wouldn’t hurt to put on a few pounds, then say something like that,” he grumbles under his breath, shoving a hand against Yeosang’s shoulder. The attack is half-hearted at best, and Yeosang laughs it off without too much care. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Elitist lets the sound fade into silence, leaving his gaze to trace over every millimeter of Wooyoung’s features. The heat in his state is not lustful or seeking anything more than the gentle peace hanging in the air between them, but Wooyoung still finds himself flustered more than anything else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing that for?” Wooyoung wriggles a bit under Yeosang’s weight. He doesn’t manage to budge the man even an inch, completely stuck under both his grasp and gaze. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me admire my lover in peace.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung squeals at the nonchalant attitude Yeosang holds and the way he says the words like he’s never been more sure of anything in his life. He frees one hand from Yeosang’s hold and snatches up the same pillow from before, sending it cascading into the side of Yeosang’s head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me, wh—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re excused!” Wooyoung interrupts before smacking Yeosang once more for good measure. Yeosang huffs and rolls off Wooyoung to escape the relentless attacks with the pillow, not bothering to fight back. As he slips out of the way, Wooyoung catches a flash of green under the black comforter. “You did steal my blanket!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that truly what you’re worried about right now?” Yeosang slips off the bed to stand upright, hands coming to rest on his hips as he blinks down at Wooyoung. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes because you lied to me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All I said was that I didn’t know what you were talking about.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung pulls himself into a sitting position and inches ever closer to where Yeosang stands by the edge of the bed. He pouts out his lower lip as far as he can in a desperate attempt to win the man over but it is to no avail because Yeosang just arches a brow and smiles a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look so cute when you act hurt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Make it up to me and I won’t be hurt,” Wooyoung pleas with wide eyes. Yeosang slips a finger under his chin and lifts him up a bit more. Wooyoung follows the motion but Yeosang dips away at the last second, lips merely ghosting over his, and the younger of the two gasps at the audacity of the other’s teasing. “You are absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>cruel</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t help myself when you look as cute as you do.” Yeosang begins to pull back, but Wooyoung isn’t about to let him get away with it this time, so he reaches up to snag the man by the collar, yanking him back down so hard that Yeosang has to grip the mattress to keep from crushing Wooyoung. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do it properly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And if I don’t?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will find someone who can do it prope–” Pressure invades Wooyoung’s mouth, and he doesn’t get the chance to finish that train of thought thanks to Yeosang’s lips crashing into his. Wooyoung sighs into the kiss, a content smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, and sits back to let Yeosang do most of the work. Yeosang doesn’t stay long, releasing Wooyoung’s lips with a wet pop and harsh glare that doesn’t scare Wooyoung in the slightest. Huffing out a laugh, the dark-haired man brings a thumb to his lips and wipes at the excesses saliva Yeosang left there. “Better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It is still difficult to ignore the dull pain that blossoms in his chest when his lips part from Yeosang’s, but he has at least gotten better at not letting that pain shine through his features or show in the slightest. Whether Yeosang doesn’t notice or he is merely pretending to ignore it, Wooyoung does not know, but he does not particularly care either. Not talking about it saves them both from further pain that neither of them wants. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I put up with too much of your teasing.” Yeosang readjusts his tunic, pulling the white silk back into its original resting place. Even with all the man’s insistence that he hates every part of his past, he sure does wear many regal and fancy clothes. Not that Wooyoung is complaining in the slightest because Yeosang just looks so </span>
  <em>
    <span>pretty</span>
  </em>
  <span>: blond hair that falls in soft waves around his face just long enough to be pulled back into the smallest ponytail, dark brown eyes with gold flecks throughout them, that precious birthmark hiding beside his eye that his side bangs cover all too often. The silk regalia he always wears on casual days like these only add to that beauty. Wooyoung could spend hours sitting back like this and staring at him. “Perhaps that should be your next lesson.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, maybe, but if I really wanted to, I would have you pinned to the bed right now. Especially with how pretty and delicate you look in that shirt.” Wooyoung grins a bit too cheekily, and Yeosang rewards him with a sharp flick to the forehead. “Ow!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were asking for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are oh so cruel and harsh, Prince Kang,” Wooyoung laments with a dramatic flair to his tone. He throws himself back onto the bed, releasing an all too fake sob as Yeosang just rolls his eyes and ignores the other’s antics. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I hate it when you call me that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you rather me call you sir? Perhaps while you have me face do–” Yeosang darts forward, clapping a hand over Wooyoung’s prattling mouth without hesitation, and he glances around the room nervously even though it is empty aside from the two of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re too bold,” he hisses before pulling his hand back and letting Wooyoung grin happily to himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just trying to get to the point here! You promised to teach me more today, and I haven’t heard you breathe a </span>
  <em>
    <span>word</span>
  </em>
  <span> about that, so hurry up mister!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You and your teasing mouth have prevented me from doing so actually.” Yeosang catches Wooyoung by the chin, and he inches the man’s head up with just his index finger. Wooyoung’s smile stretches wider in defense, and the other can only manage a deep sigh as pulls away. “What is it you want to learn today? Anything particular in mind?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung slides himself over to the edge of the bed and tosses his legs over the edge. He taps at his chin as he thinks, trying (and failing) not to get distracted by the soft expression Yeosang wears currently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, you said – you said you had to go to lots of dances when you were younger right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did, yes,” Yeosang hums. He doesn’t try to hide the smile that overtakes his lips as Wooyoung speaks, and once again, Wooyoung finds himself slipping further into distraction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-Well then, teach me to dance!” Wooyoung hops to his feet and looks Yeosang in the eye. They stand at about the same height; perhaps Wooyoung is only a centimeter shorter </span>
  <em>
    <span>at best</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but Yeosang would most likely say it’s more like two or three centimeters. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have music though?” Yeosang’s voice lifts at the end of his sentence, changing the statement into a question, and Wooyoung slaps the flat of his hand down hard against Yeosang’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do we really need music? Isn’t it all about – um, I don’t know how dancing works actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Counts, Woo, it’s all about counts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, see! That’s not music.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But it’s counts related to the tempo of the music,” Yeosang hums but he slips an arm about Wooyoung’s waist nonetheless and tugs him closer. “I suppose coming up with a tempo of our own wouldn’t be too difficult.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, which part are you teaching me?” Wooyoung inquires as Yeosang guides one of his hands up to rest near his bicep. The blond clasps the other tight in his own hand, pulling it out to the side to hang in the open air.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The typically female part.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to learn the male part!” Wooyoung protests, fist balling around the fabric of Yeosang’s delicate shirt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>to dance to the female’s part?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would it truly be the first time you haven’t taken control?” Wooyoung quips, and Yeosang’s grip on his waist tightens to a point where the younger yelps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think with such a dated mindset, Woo. There are </span>
  <em>
    <span>many</span>
  </em>
  <span> things a man can do from that position, and I would be happy to teach you those next,” Yeosang purrs, pressing his lips to the shell of Wooyoung’s ear. The younger releases some sort of noise that sounds something like a squeak and a gasp mashed together. Yeosang revels in the sound, and he tosses his head back as a bout of laughter overtakes his body. The sound is crisp and clear in a beautiful way. Wooyoung cherishes it while it lasts, knowing that the Elitist is only ever so relaxed and carefree like this when they are alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang nudges Wooyoung’s hand off his shoulder and catches hold of it before it can fall uselessly by his side. He pulls it to his waist in attempts to urge Wooyoung to take hold of him, and Wooyoung is quick to do so, folding his fingers around Yeosang’s lithe waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t expect to dance properly while standing that far away from me, Wooyoung,” Yeosang grumbles under his breath. He hooks a hand onto Wooyoung’s shoulder and tugs him forward until their chests have no space between them. Wooyoung sucks in a sharp breath, stifling a smile when he sees the flush that rises up Yeosang’s neck as he tightens his grip on the man’s waist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did all the princesses have the pleasure of dancing so close to you?” Wooyoung hums. His eyes remain wide and innocent, but Yeosang knows better than to believe the innocence there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are the only one I would ever allow this close to me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung is pleased with the response even if it catches him off-guard because he was honestly expecting another jibe from the man. The small statement has more than one meaning, and Wooyoung basks in all the possibilities, taking a moment to just absorb Yeosang’s warmth and presence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, you don’t get to ignore my instructions just because I’m letting you lead this one time. I expect you to pay attention to every detail.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This one time?” Wooyoung laughs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t let you lead again after this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you’ve said that before but–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Think with your </span>
  <em>
    <span>brain</span>
  </em>
  <span> not with your dick, Jung Wooyoung!” Yeosang squeezes hard at the muscle under Wooyoung’s shirt, and he releases a yelp from the sharp pain that spreads quickly through his body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay! I’m thinking with my head! And not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> one!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Remind me why I put up with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you love me?” Wooyoung grins, and while Yeosang doesn’t provide a verbal response, he has one in the way Yeosang smiles before clearing his throat and standing up a bit straighter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just move with me. It’s rather simple to get the hang of, but there will be a lot of stepping on toes until you get a feel for your partner.” Wooyoung’s lips don’t even part a centimeter before Yeosang sends him a pointed glare that has him snapping his lips back together with no further comment. “When my right foot moves backward, step forward with your left. We can work up to you leading the movements, but if you were in full control, you would push against my hand to signal that you’re taking a step forward.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang’s right leg slips away from Wooyoung’s left one, and he chases after him, taking a hasty step forward and hitting the tip of Yeosang’s steel-toed boot. Wooyoung backtracks immediately and tugs back, but the blond keeps him firmly planted to the spot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Easy, Woo… move a bit slower than that. It’s not a race; it’s a dance. It’s supposed to be slow and rhythmic.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung lets Yeosang guide his next steps, blindly following them without focusing on any of the words coming from his lips. They sway to an inaudible beat, a song only the two of them can hear, an unspoken melody that holds them to each other. As it turns out, Yeosang doesn’t need to explain anything because Wooyoung’s body picks up on the guidance within minutes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you got it,” Yeosang whispers eventually, and neither man is sure how long they’ve been dancing. They don’t pull away though; instead, Yeosang slips his hand free of Wooyoung’s and moves it up to his other shoulder. Slowly but surely, he intertwines his fingers behind Wooyoung’s neck. Wooyoung takes it as a sign to drop his hand to Yeosang’s waist, and he mimics the position with a faint smile. Yeosang arches his back against the touch. He’s in the middle of a laugh when Wooyoung drops his forehead atop the other man’s, eliciting a quiet gasp from him that devolves into a huff of laughter again less than a second later. “We aren’t even dancing anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do we need to be?” Wooyoung lets his eyes flutter shut. Every sense is so full of Yeosang that it’s almost overwhelming: the heat of his warm skin under the silk, the soft sounds of his breathing and slightly lisped tone, the smell of that goddamn cologne someone bought for him some time ago that Wooyoung adores so much, Wooyoung can even still taste Yeosang on his lips from their earlier kiss. And when he opens his eyes once more, there Yeosang stands before him – real, living, able to be seen and held and cherished. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Too often do those dreams come, the ones where Yeosang remains out of reach or broken and hurt and dying before Wooyoung’s eyes but he can’t do a thing to stop it. They come in a wide variety of nightmares, a plethora of troubles and hardships and pain, and yet there is only one that never arises. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re thinking too hard,” Yeosang murmurs once he recognizes the gleam in Wooyoung’s eyes. “Come back to me, Woo.” He’s a bit too far gone as it is, too lost in thought and caught up in the frightening possibilities. Yeosang’s hands slip loose and fall forward to cradle Wooyoung’s face in his palms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The one that has never awoken in his mind is the one where Yeosang is his master, his owner, the one dealing punishment after punishment, and if Wooyoung dwells on the thought for too long, he can start to hear the crack of the electric whip in his ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come back to me,” Yeosang says a bit louder this time. Something binds Wooyoung to the words, and he finds himself leaning into the warmth of Yeosang’s touch. “There we go, come back to me. Just like that…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“’m sorry.” Wooyoung’s words are a bit slurred and broken, but he’s free of the intruding thoughts for the time being at least. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s enough lessons for today, I think.” Yeosang hums as he trails a thumb over the skin of Wooyoung’s cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s stay like this a little while longer, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you want, Woo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All I want is you,” Wooyoung whispers, slipping his head away from Yeosang’s so that he can bury his face in the man’s neck. A few of the longer strands of blond hair tickle his ear, and a shiver travels down his spine with the sensation before he settles comfortably there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would have you for the rest of my life if you let me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I would.” Yeosang reaches a hand up to cup the back of Wooyoung’s head. He combs through the charcoal locks there, fingernails brushing over his scalp in such a way that Wooyoung feels himself growing drowsier by the second. “We’ll see what fate has in store for us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if I don’t want to wait that long?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to. I’m yours now.” Wooyoung smiles against Yeosang’s skin, and a sigh passes through his chest as Yeosang shifts to press a kiss to his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did pretty well for myself, I suppose. Getting a prince all on my own.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You said that as if there was ever any doubt of me falling for you,” Yeosang laughs softly. “But I must admit… a traitorous runaway prince and an ex-slave. Fate can’t even try to tell me that—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung cuts the thought short, pulling up with haste to slot his lips against Yeosang’s much smoother ones. He knows the man will complain later – tell him that the more they kiss, the more painful it will get in the long run – but right now, Wooyoung just wants to appreciate every inch of Yeosang while he can. If fate wishes to deprive him of that one day, then Wooyoung doesn’t want to look back with any regrets about what they could have done or said in their time together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For now, it’s enough. The feel of Yeosang’s lips sliding over his and returning the kiss with equal parts love and passion. The hands tangling in his hair as Wooyoung grips harder at his waist and pulls him impossibly close. He feels like he’s fifteen again in those damp and dark alleyways on Aera, shaking from the cold but oh so warm thanks to the weight of Yeosang’s words that night. He feels like he did the moment Yeosang set him free, the moment he promised that he would take care of Wooyoung. He wouldn’t let him be alone anymore, he wouldn’t let anything happen to him, and he would protect Wooyoung no matter the cost. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s enough, and in the back of his mind, Wooyoung thinks that it will be enough for a long time to come.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>okay so this!! is not specified when this interim is set, you can leave that up to your own imagination, just for something more lighthearted important and insightful on our lovely bois 🥺 i was a bit nervous about this and almost decided not to post bc it’s the most forward i’ve been with the mxm content but i am really happy with how it turned out so i hope you guys enjoy it too even if you don’t typically enjoy mxm content !! and i also listened to pov by ariana grande while writing it and that was a mistake :’)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Act Four - Part Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Need help with the dishes?” The voice catches off-guard, and you nearly chuck the ceramic plate in your hands across the cramped kitchen in your surprise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit, you scared — oh.” You don’t mean to sound so shocked but seeing San standing beside you at the sink is the last thing you were expecting. He just offers a weak smile, one that is strained and wavering but present nonetheless, and that gives you a little bit of hope about the ensuing conversation. He has effectively cornered you, and while you could make a daring escape and leave him to do the dishes on his own, that would be both suspicious and unnecessary when San isn’t showing any signs of anger at the moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that a yes or no?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um, be my guest, yeah. I’d… I’d appreciate the help,” you mutter, pulling your chin forward again to focus on the steady stream of water from the faucet. San settles next to you without missing a beat; he snatches up a dish towel and begins to take the dishes you’ve set out on the drying rack, carefully drying each one with methodical twists of his wrists. You aren’t sure how best to make conversation with him given the tense exchange you had earlier, so you opt to say nothing at all in hopes that San will be the one to initiate the confrontation. It works in your favor (the only thing on your side at the moment it seems) and after a few minutes of awkward silence, San finally speaks up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Earlier… when we were on the mission, I – I was unfair to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were well within your right, San,” you respond as quickly as possible, not giving yourself a chance to think twice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t mean it </span>
  <em>was</em>
  <span> right.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t hold it against you.” You pause to heave a deep sigh. You’re running out of dishes far too quickly which means that you’ll actually have to face San rather than hiding as best you can with the dishes in the sink. “To be frank, I figured you would still be upset with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I realized the weight of the decision on your shoulders,” San explains. Ceramic hits metal before he can speak again, and you both tense from the sharpness of the sound. San inhales with the noise then shifts the plate he just hit on the side of the counter to set it down properly. “We put the responsibility on your shoulders because you’re the only one who knew of the serum and experienced it firsthand. Looking back, it seems foolish of me to say that I should make the decision rather than Mingi. Not because he made the decision I wanted but… because the moral weight of choice is heavier than what’s good and what’s not. At least it should be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You set the plate in your hands down to face San, twisting at the waist at the same time he does, and the sudden eye contact causes your mind to go completely blank in the blink of an eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh…” Squeezing your eyes shut, you desperately attempt to bring the thought back but it’s already too far gone and you’ve forgotten it completely. San offers a patient and gentle smile, eyes folding into soft crescents as he does, and a quiet laugh slips from his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for hitting you with the heavy stuff right after dinner. I just didn’t want to let it sit and stew for too long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s fine, I don’t mind. I’m – well, I’m a bit curious about something.” you shut the water off for the time being so that you can better focus on the conversation at hand, and the remaining dirty dishes lie forgotten in the sink.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” San tilts his head to the side. You find yourself distracted by the way a few strands of black hair slip to frame his forehead and how his dimples slip away as his smile fades a bit, but you’re quick to pull yourself back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yesterday you asked me whether I would be okay with using the serum if you asked for it. But I wanted to know… if our positions were switched, would you be okay with it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You mean if I were the one who had already taken it once before?” San inquires, head falling further to the side. You’re quick to nod in response, and he follows up with a gentle hum. “I can’t pretend to know what that experience was like for you or how deeply it affected you. If I were the one who had used it before, and I was aware of it like you, I know that I would be selfish at the end of the day. I have mentioned it before but I wish to cling to you for as long as I can. And though it’s – though it goes against my morals, I would not want you to take the serum because I can’t bear the thought of you forgetting who I am and how I feel about you. I know that sounds a bit bold, especially given your relations with Seonghwa, but… I would say the same to any member of the crew — save for Yeosang perhaps. You all are special and valuable to me in unique ways, and the thought of any of you losing any memory we share is too much for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your breath catches a bit in your throat, and San’s kind smile returns in full force. When you next speak, it doesn’t feel as though the words are coming from your mouth at all, but more like someone has taken over your body and decided to say them instead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you expect the same of me in return?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would only ask that which I would ask any of the crew. To do what is right by your own standards and not by anyone else’s. We’ve all been slaves to other people’s whims and desires for too long. I would never wish to put anyone through that again, and even something as simple as pushing my opinion onto you would be unfair. It may be in our nature as living, rational beings to seek out the things that bring us the most comfort and to try to create a space around us that provides that comfort. Thus we are by nature selfish and striving towards personal satisfaction. We can’t break free of that selfishness unless we really stop to think about things. Hongjoong told me that once, and it hasn’t left me since.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, so he can be reasonable,” you remark through a small smile, breaking a bit of the heaviness lingering in the air around you two. San laughs in response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only when he’s sober and fully rested, but he’s rarely not one of those things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Y/N, I brought more dishes for you to—oh I didn’t know you were in here too.” Both you and San whip to face the newcomer as he steps into the already cramped kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hell no, Choi Jongho, I am </span>
  <em>not</em>
  <span> washing all those dishes for you!” You protest immediately upon seeing the stack of plates and bowls in his hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean you won’t? It’s not even that hard! Seonghwa’s food doesn’t stick to the plates. All you have to do is give it a quick scrub!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, then </span>
  <em>you</em>
  <span> do it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would I do it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just said it’s easy! That’s basically signing up to do dishes.” You jab a finger in Jongho’s direction before he can say anything else and effectively shush him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s got you there,” San chimes in. Jongho rolls his eyes in response but comes closer to the sink to take your place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is just mean. I’m the only one here who </span>
  <em>hasn’t</em>
  <span> had a nap today, and yet I’m being forced to stay up later? Disgusting,” Jongho huffs through his teeth. You pat his shoulder with a thin smile before stepping around him to leave the kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t pout so much, Jongho. I’ll stick around to dry the dishes for you.” Jongho merely grumbles in response to San’s offer, earning himself a sharp slap to the back of the head. “Ungrateful little shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bigger than you th–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so you want to do them alone now?” San scoffs. You laugh over your shoulder before stepping out of the kitchen to return to the mess hall. It’s cleared out considerably already; Wooyoung and Yeosang have disappeared, as has Mingi, and the only two left are Yunho and Seonghwa, who stand at the edge of the room engaged in a conversation that’s loud enough for you to hear even at your distance from them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you go up to check on Hongjoong? At least make sure he sleeps even for an hour tonight?” Seonghwa asks, jerking a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the bridge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going back up tonight?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, contrary to popular belief, I actually need rest too so I’ll be turning in earlier tonight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, unbelievable,” Yunho huffs, but there’s a small smile pressed over his lips as he says the words. His gaze flits away from Seonghwa’s face to find you standing at the edge of the kitchen, and in an instant, his expression shifts to one of surprise then a hurried glance down to the floor the moment you make eye contact. Seonghwa mimics the motion of his eyes, following their path back to you. He passes you a soft smile, and you return it with your own strained one, too focused on Yunho at the moment. The doctor continues to avoid your stare though and drags his attention back to Seonghwa instead. “Um, yeah, I’ll go up and see him. We’re long overdue for a talk anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A talk?” You can’t see Seonghwa’s expression but the tone of his voice tells you enough, and Yunho sucks his lower lip between his teeth before tilting his head to the side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that jealousy I hear, Lieutenant?” He arches a brow as he speaks, arms coming up to cross over his chest in an almost defensive manner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you trying to pick a fight, Healer?” Seonghwa counters. The lightness in the conversation disappears in an instant, and Yunho’s eyes blaze at the accusation hurled his way. “I’d advise you not to comment on things you don’t understand, Yunho. You might be a doctor, but that doesn’t mean you know everything. It’s no good to be so deceived by those things, no?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I didn’t know any better, I would say that </span>
  <em>you’re</em>
  <span> the one trying to start a fight, Seonghwa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Merely reminding you not to cross certain lines. I believe we had discussed that in the past already, and yet… here we find ourselves having to have this conversation again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I thought you learned </span>
  <em>your</em>
  <span> lesson when Hongjoong threatened to put you out the airlock.” Yunho’s tone is far too hot and scathing for your liking, and you shrink further back against the wall in an attempt to hide yourself as best you can. He seems to have forgotten about your presence already in the heat of the argument, which you’re thankful for but you don’t feel any more comfortable being stuck in the room. Especially because of what happens next when Seonghwa’s hand darts out to catch hold of Yunho’s collar. He swivels the taller man as though he weighs nothing and presses him hard against the wall. The impact is enough to draw a grunt out of Yunho but he keeps his head up to glare back at Seonghwa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t the one who started fucking someone else less than a month later. I guess you both have that in common then. Did you even wait for the ashes to grow cold before you were rolling around in the captain’s bed like some cheap wh—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa doesn’t get to finish the thought, and part of you is grateful that you don’t have to hear the rest of it. The other half is horrified because Yunho’s fist careens into Seonghwa’s jaw, knocking him off the taller man. Yunho swings a kick at Seonghwa’s feet next to push him all the way to the floor, but the other man is too quick and shoves Yunho’s leg away before it can hit him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to fight you, Yunho,” Seonghwa hisses, slipping further back to put more distance between him and the healer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then let me beat you up for having the </span>
  <em>audacity</em>
  <span> to act like you know what I was going through!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yet you stand here and act like I’m the bad guy and the one who did the wrong thing in saying that his obsession was </span>
  <em>killing him</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho forces his way back into Seonghwa’s personal space, chest heaving as he brings his hands up to the other man and shoves harshly. Seonghwa manages to maintain his balance and stay on his feet despite the force behind the attack, but that only serves to anger Yunho more because he sneers and repeats the motion once more to knock Seonghwa into a table. Seonghwa grabs onto the edge of the metal to stabilize himself. Yunho takes advantage of the distraction and swings his fist back into Seonghwa’s face, hitting him across the cheekbone this time, and the hit is so hard that blood comes off on Yunho’s knuckles when he pulls his hand back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sight of crimson spurs you into action, and you push off the wall to rush over to where Yunho has Seonghwa pinned against the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yunho, that’s enough!” You cut in, reaching out to snatch Yunho’s arm before he can deliver another hit. He fights against your tight grip to the best of his ability and manages to pull free only to swing his hand back at you. You barely register what happens next but Seonghwa’s reaction is clue enough to help you figure it out, along with the burning sting across your left cheek. Seonghwa shoves Yunho’s weight off him, and the taller man stumbles back in shock. He blinks down at his hand as though he can’t believe what he’s just done, but you have no time to pay attention to that because Seonghwa steps in front of you, hands coming up to cradle your face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you need ice?” He rambles as he examines your cheek with a worried gaze. It’s as though the blood on his own cheek doesn’t exist and he just continues to thumb over your face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I didn’t mean to — I swear, I promise I wasn’t thinki–” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off, Yunho,” Seonghwa hisses over his shoulder. “Before we both do something we regret.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho leaves the room in the direction of the bridge in a way you can only compare to a wounded dog scampering off with his tail between his legs, and once he’s completely gone from sight, the adrenaline of the moment begins to wear off. You release a shaky exhale, nearly trembling in Seonghwa’s grasp. He swallows once.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have gotten involved,” he murmurs a few seconds later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And let him beat you to a pulp the day before a mission? I think not.” You reach up to grab onto one of Seonghwa’s hands, pulling it away from your face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would have been fine. You, on the other hand—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” You interject. You have to bite back the sigh that threatens to leave your lips. “On the other hand what? I’m fragile?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not – I didn’t it like that. Please… Y/N, please don’t fight with me on this. That’s not my intention.” Seonghwa clenches his fingers around the ones that still reside against his palm, and you let him cling to you without complaint for the time being. “Had he done anything more to hurt you, I fear what I might have done in response, and I – I truly did not want to fight with him. I let my emotions get the better of me in the heat of the moment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s done is done, Seonghwa,” you mutter in response. “Let me at least clean your cheek and get some ice on it. It’ll do you no good to have a swollen face tomorrow.” Seonghwa huffs out a laugh but lets his hands fall away from you and rest limply by his sides.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it makes you feel better, then you can do whatever you like.” You can’t keep from smiling at his words, the soft smile he wears easing your anxiety quite a bit, and you shake your head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me that. Who knows what unsavory things I could come up with?” You tease through a laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d hope for at least a few ideas.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, tiger, maybe you got hit a bit too hard.” You swat weakly at Seonghwa’s arm as he just chuckles and pulls away to move towards the exit. You fall into step with him, gnawing at your lower lip for no other reason than to busy yourself as the two of you walk to the medbay. “You don’t—” you cut yourself short before the thought can finish and bite down hard on the tip of your tongue. Seonghwa blinks down at you with expectation shining clearly in his eyes. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to but… what exactly was it you two were arguing about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa hums to himself and glances down at the floor for several moments before lifting his chin again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have never attempted to purposefully hide it from you as that would hardly be fair to you. But I can explain things better once we’re in the medbay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You nod quickly, gaze trailing over the side of Seonghwa’s profile in your peripheral. He doesn’t offer further conversation, but it’s clear that that is only because he is deep in thought on the short walk to the medbay. Even as you step into the blindingly white room, he stays quiet and seats himself on the edge of one of the beds while you busy yourself with searching for supplies to clean his bleeding cheek. You come back to him after grabbing some soap and a bottle of water then set a pack of white cleaning pads next to him on the bed. He shifts his chin to expose his cheek further to you. You murmur a quiet thank you, fingers dancing over his face to keep him in place. Whether by instinct or intention, Seonghwa’s hands dart up to secure on your hips. He keeps you firmly set between his knees, and you try your best to ignore the sudden tightness in your chest as he holds you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong and I…” Seonghwa starts, his tone so quiet that it is nearly drowned out by the hum of the air conditioner. You wet one of the cotton rounds in silence. You don’t dare to look him in the eye, focusing on the task at hand while he continues to speak. “We used to be in a special sort of relationship. We weren’t romantically or sexually involved right off the bat – it took quite some time for that to happen. In fact, it was only after there was a mutiny that we decided to explore those parts of our relationship, and initially, it was just my way of offering him comfort in the aftermath of that mess. Things, of course, got more complicated as feelings arose on my side. I found myself to be quite jealous in certain regards, and that jealousy blinded me to the bigger picture more often than not.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You drag the damp round over Seonghwa’s cheekbone, and he winces from the impact. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” you mutter quickly, pulling your hand back, but Seonghwa reaches up to guide your hand back to his cheek.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. You can continue.” You nod through a rough swallow. As you continue to wipe at his cheek, Seonghwa continues with his story. “The man who led the mutiny was… Hongjoong’s lover to put it simply. I had always loved Hongjoong but it wasn’t anything more than a platonic love until after we started having relations. He wasn’t ready to let go of the past though, and I-I was blindsided by jealousy one night to a point where I threw out some of that man’s belongings one day. When Hongjoong found out, he was furious, of course, and that was the first and only time we had a physical fight. That’s what Yunho was referring to when he mentioned Hongjoong threatening to kick me off the ship and into space. Even after we recovered from that struggle, it never stopped because Hongjoong would tear himself apart over the mutiny. He got more and more obsessed in the next couple of months, and I decided that I couldn’t handle it any longer. So I gave him an ultimatum: stop being sexually involved with each other or stop being involved altogether. It’s clear which option he chose.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I sense a ‘however’…” You murmur, leaning back to admire your work on his cheek. Seonghwa huffs out a laugh, and his fingers twitch against your waist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Less than a month later Hongjoong was fucking Yunho right under my nose without a care in the world.” You inhale sharply, fingers wavering against Seonghwa’s jawline. “Didn’t even care that I knew, didn’t care to hide it from me, didn’t see any issue with it at all. On one hand, it felt like a jab at me for catching feelings the way I did because he could just… fuck around with Yunho and separate emotions from it whereas I couldn’t. But then I confronted Yunho about it, and he told me that Hongjoong only ever asked for sex when he couldn’t get out of his own head. Needed someone to fuck his thoughts out of him. I was glad that I didn’t have to be that person for him out of a selfish desire to preserve myself but… I was used to being the one who had the duty of protecting him and helping him through whatever issues he was having. It just took a look time to work through that on my own, and I couldn’t very well ask Yunho to talk about it with me because of a misguided arrogance.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you…” You lose confidence halfway through the question, and your tone falls flat. Seonghwa waits without saying a word for you to continue the thought. “Do you still love him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not in that way any longer,” Seonghwa whispers. His lips barely move, but you hear the words as clear as day. “I see the parts of him that I loved elsewhere now… but I’m quickly finding new things to love in that same place that I couldn’t see in him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your jaw stutters dumbly as you try to process the words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” you exhale, too overwhelmed to come up with anything else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And if she would let me, I would do my best to show her new things to love in me as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… is there another w-woman on the crew I don’t know about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa smiles. His teeth bite into his lower lip as he struggles to hold back a smile, and his hands slip further around you to hold you tighter. You only realize how dumb your question sounds at that moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, um, I me-meant tha—” The tightness in your chest is too intense for you to finish your sentence, and the weight of his words hit you full force at last. You don’t even realize that tears have begun to fall until Seonghwa’s brows knit together in concern and one of his hands reaches up to brush them off your cheeks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh, shh, you’re okay, Y/N,” Seonghwa murmurs. “What’s wrong? Talk to me, Y/N, what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You need to </span>
  <em>communicate</em>
  <span>, to explain to him what’s going on in your head in words and be honest with him, but every word feels like lead on your tongue. Your lips are wobbling as you cradle Seonghwa’s face in your hands, eyes scanning his face in search of answers to all the questions running through your mind. At one point you truly thought that you saw Jisung in Seonghwa and that that was the only reason you felt yourself so drawn to him. Yet standing here the way you are now, you cannot see even an ounce of similarity between him and Jisung. Even the endless care Seonghwa provides for you is far different than the kind Jisung gave you. You cannot reason why Seonghwa pulls your heartstrings in such a way, but it’s only now that you realize that it has nothing to do with Jisung in any way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A-As much as I – as much as I don’t w-want to let go of the past, I… I find myself wanting to move forward… to you. I want y-you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I’m yours for as long as you want me, and I won’t go anywhere until then.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I swear on my life that I’ll never leave you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t promise not to leave.” Your words come out in a rush, but Seonghwa understands them nonetheless. Your eyes flutter shut as you speak your next words. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, just… tell me that you’re here. For now. For as long as it lasts.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before you know it, Seonghwa’s breath invades yours, and you feel the heat of his lips centimeters away from yours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m here now, Y/N.” You can hear the unspoken words on his lips, the promises that wish to spill out about how he won’t leave you and how he will stay, but he does exactly as you asked him to do and doesn’t let those empty promises reach the air between you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Show me,” you whisper without hesitation. That’s all the incentive Seonghwa needs to slot his lips against yours and suck the breath from your lungs as you exhale into his mouth. And when his hands slip down your back to hook around your thighs, you welcome it, letting him pull you forward until you are seated comfortably on his lap. You can’t even bring yourself to care that you are in the medbay of all places — a place far from the security that a bedroom would provide — but the enticement of Seonghwa’s lips pushes that thought out of your mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s almost poetic in a way: the way Seonghwa shifts to ease you back against the pillows of the bed and snakes his hands down to the band of your pants, tugging them lower and lower until you’re shed of them completely. It’s just as your first time together and yet the feeling behind it is so vastly different that you can hardly wrap your mind around it. And while he doesn’t take the time to drag his tongue over your folds this time, he does pepper the insides of your thighs with endless kisses and press two fingers to your entrance once he has rid himself of his own pants as well. Once he has pushed himself back up to be eye level with you again, you greet him with a kiss, tongue slipping between his lips in a rush to taste him. He hums into your mouth, and you can feel the corners of his mouth pulling upward as he smiles a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hurry up,” you mutter, separating your lips with a wet pop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Always in such a rush, princess.” The nickname sends a surge of warmth through your chest, and you can’t keep from huffing out a laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You only say that because you’re so slow, pretty boy.” Seonghwa presses his lips back to yours as a counterattack, and he slips his fingers out from your core. Next thing you know, he is teasing your folds with the head of his cock, lips leaving yours for a moment as he hesitates there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Give me permission,” he murmurs. His eyes search yours for any sign of denial, and you hook a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down until his forehead collides with yours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s already yours.” With that, he buries himself all the way to the hilt in one quick thrust, and your lips part to release a silent cry of pleasure. Seonghwa braces his hands on either side of your head, palms sinking into the pillows and causing you to sink further back against the bed. He moves with you, and his weight pins you to the mattress. You give him a breathless command to continue his movements, which he follows like it’s the only thing that matters. And in the moment, it does feel like it’s the only thing that matters because all you can feel is Seonghwa. He rocks his hips against yours, member sliding over your velveteen walls with just the right amount of friction, and each thrust puts stars in your vision. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a blinding pleasure that the two of you chase, a pleasure that is only heightened by the warmth of the emotion in your chest, and Seonghwa lets his eyes flutter shut as he fucks you. Whispered praises fall from his lips, and they’re spoken with such care and gentleness that you almost find yourself getting emotional again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So beautiful–” he shifts to kiss the apple of your cheek “–so, </span>
  <em>ah</em>
  <span>, perfect. You’re so so perfect, princess.” You moan loud into the shell of his ear, a sound that causes visible goosebumps to rush over his skin and a throaty groan to tear from his lips. The slight growl to his tone has you clenching hard around his cock, and a burst of arousal shoots through you. It nearly brings you to the precipice of pleasure but you force it down so that you can hold it off just a little while longer. Seonghwa sits up, and the warmth of his body leaves yours as he slips his hands down to your hips and kneels over you. He pulls your body up to meet his thrusts, and you can do nothing but cling to the bedsheets and release small whimpers of pleasure as he hits deeper with each drag of his member inside you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“S-Seonghwa, oh </span>
  <em>fuck</em>
  <span>, I – I’m close, I’m close, I’m close,” you babble, back arching off the bed. Seonghwa dips back down to press a kiss to your sweat-slick temple.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cum for me, princess. You have permission.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, th-thank you, thank you.” You fall apart under his touch, eating up every breath of praise he showers you with as you reach your high, and your orgasm crashes hard over you. The clenching of your walls around him spurs him to cum himself, and he exhales a shaky groan as he does. The strength leaves his body at the same time. You can only huff out a gasp as his chest hits yours, arms reaching up to wrap around his neck and hold him close to you in the aftermath of your orgasms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It creeps up on you as you’re lying there basking in the glow of pleasure. Whereas before you thought you never wanted to experience the feeling again, this time you welcome it and let yourself be surrounded by the warmth it provides along with Seonghwa’s presence filling your every sense. You tangle your fingers in Seonghwa’s hair just to pull him back so that you can look him in the eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“D-Do you feel that?” He looks confused for a moment, unsure of both what you mean and what you are trying to say. Then you reach down to place a hand over Seonghwa’s heart that’s guarded by his shirt still, and he seems to understand what you’re after. A gentle smile overtakes his lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve felt it for a long time, Y/N.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing about the situation feels right in the slightest. The tension in your shoulders has reached impossible levels, and you can’t sit still for the life of you even with Wooyoung’s hand gripping your thigh like a vice. Yunho sits to your right although you can’t even bear to look in his direction at the moment, the heated embers from your argument yesterday still smoldering in your gut to a point where you can’t even hear him breathe without feeling enraged. But Wooyoung hasn’t let you go since the moment you sat down, and you can’t blame him because the scenery is far from pleasant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You have never been to such a place — the arena looks like something straight out of myth with its climbing walls and seats that line the whole circle in rows. Carnage lies far below you, and you are grateful that Hongjoong didn’t ask you to move any lower than you have: a safe midpoint in the seats with a canopy above your heads to shroud the blinding daylight from your eyes. San and Jongho are somewhere across the way, lost in the mess of the crowd and bodies, and Mingi is safely secured in the bunker Seonghwa mentioned previously, according to Jongho. The older Berserker was also apparently more than happy to stay put there but only after Hongjoong agreed to let him have an earpiece of his own so that he could hear what was going on during the mission. While there was no shortage of doubts about that idea, Mingi had assured Hongjoong that he would be safely locked inside the bunker with Bloodletter crew guards just outside the door, and that was all it took for Hongjoong to relent a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The final trio of Yeosang, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong reside closer to the upper edge of the circle. Even at a distance, you can clearly see the wide, extended platform that stretches forward into the arena. It bears a tall gilded throne square in the middle of it, and you’re positive that the man with long white hair sitting atop it is none other than Vladimir the Bloody. He looks quite different than the time you saw him last with his face etched messily onto a bounty paper and dropped before you prior to a mission, but no one else would put himself on such a pedestal other than that man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t aged a day in years, Vlad. I see life has been treating you well then,” Hongjoong greets after a few breaths of silence over the comms channel. He receives a loud scoff in response, and that’s the only sound that echoes over the earpiece for quite some time, nearly drowned out by the ruckus bubbling around you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Save the niceties, Kim.” Vladimir’s fingers drum against the side of his armrest, long nails tapping along to no particular rhythm. “You wouldn’t come here for anything less than business.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t pay an old friend a visit now and again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not with those two at your side… tell me – where is your prized Berserker?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll have to be more specific than that.” Hongjoong’s voice comes across a bit more guarded this time, and it’s more than clear who Vlad is referring to despite Hongjoong’s question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come now. We both know which one I’m referring to. Look around us, Hongjoong. This arena, these people, my fighters – they were all built on the blood and bones of the Brute of Kebos. Did you by chance bring him along with you? Or is it merely the three of you?” That last question causes your breath to hitch, and you stop yourself from reaching for Wooyoung’s hand at the last second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of what interest is that to you, Vladimir?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Curiosity. Merely that and nothing more.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t know we’re here,” Wooyoung whispers, leaning closer to you to keep the words as hushed as possible. You shake your head in agreement with his statement, but something about the way Vladimir’s head shifts tells you that he’s searching the arena for any sign of a familiar face amongst the crowd. As do the guards lingering near the edges of each row of seats. You can’t possibly feel safe yet – not when he has so many men watching and lurking around you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve done surprisingly well for yourself, I must say.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rearing a new generation of arenas?” Vladimir chuckles as he says the words, white hair billowing around his head. It looks almost transparent in the gleam of the sun, and the canopy above his head must have a hole in it because of the way the light trickles through. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Striking a deal with the military is far more intriguing,” Hongjoong remarks without missing a beat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look at these people, Hongjoong. They all claim to hate fighting, to run away at the sign of conflict, not be able to stomach the sight of blood, and yet they all find themselves here. Why do you think that is?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because they crave it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They crave </span>
  <em>control</em>
  <span>. They see me standing in a place of power, with a grip over life and death… and they crave it, Hongjoong. Just like you and me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think it’s control I seek?” The question is a farce and you know it, but something tells you that Vladimir is aware of it as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you be searching for your mutinous crewmate otherwise?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mutinous crewmate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“There was a mutiny,” Hongjoong states as if it’s the most normal thing in the universe. “They thought that I couldn’t lead and wasn’t suited for it. Mingi killing Cass only solidified those feelings. My highest in command after Seonghwa led the mutiny. Before he left the ship with half the crew, he swore that he would get the treasure first along with the Sirens.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I need information. I need to know who my information broker really was, why they lied, why I was given a dead lead, and where the hell Jin is right now. Be it luck or fate, Y/N has given us precious time to get the answers to these questions. If anyone is going to have those answers, it’s going to be Vladimir.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, so you </span>
  <em>do </em>
  <span>know why I’m here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As unhappy as it might make you, you are quite an easy man to read, Kim. And yet despite all your desires for control, you still fail to grasp it. I wonder — is it because you’re a failure? Or because of something else?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can’t see what Hongjoong is doing from your vantage point, but he doesn’t offer up a response. Yunho shifts beside you, a creak to the wood legs of his chair and gaze still glued to anything but the arena down below. Then —</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“After all this time, you still look at your damn lieutenant the same way.” A breath of hesitation, and you choke on air at his next words. “Like he’s your treasure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I came here for business, Vladimir,” Hongjoong hisses out, but it’s too late to keep anyone from hearing what Vladimir has said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you did. You want information. Information I cannot provide.” Hongjoong scoffs at that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s your cost? Name the price and it’s yours.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A shrill laugh echoes through your headset. The hand clasped over your thigh tightens a little, and you find your own hand sneaking towards it with a sudden churning of anxiety in your gut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What I want isn’t money, Kim. What I want is </span>
  <em>your </em>
  <span>prized Berserker down in </span>
  <em>my </em>
  <span>arena.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pit in your stomach deepens to an impossible degree. Wooyoung stretches a hand towards yours, moving off your thigh to clasp your palm tightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. Not a chance.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I suppose your information isn’t so valuable after all.” Vladimir leans back in his throne, dipping out of the streams of light to be concealed by the shadows once more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you want him so desperately?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because, Hongjoong, I am just like each and every single one of these people. I crave it. To control that beast.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He isn’t yours to control.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I suppose he is yours? Hongjoong, you’re a mystery to me. I’d think that after all those years in chains, you would see freedom differently.” Vladimir sighs a clear and defined sound that comes across in an almost condescending way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Freedom is a farce.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, freedom is what you make of it. In my eyes, only one thing can truly be freedom, and that is death. We are never free from our chains, Hongjoong. They stay with us until we die. That’s the meaning of freedom and the meaning of death.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Vladimir moves slowly, but his bright regalia gives away his shifting feet as he stands up and approaches the balcony, red cloak billowing behind him like a bloody shadow. A dark hand rises, glove masking the skin underneath, and he extends it out towards the crowd.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would that I could grant everyone that freedom.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cacophony of shouts heightens as he draws all fingers into a tight fist and straightens his thumb.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You expect me to be cruel, Hongjoong, because you believe everyone to be cruel. You hope for them to be cruel so that you can have an excuse for being that way yourself. I’m afraid life doesn’t work that way though. I am not cruel. I am the body and the hand of the people. An instrument of their desires.” He tilts his hand, a blurry and hazy movement given the distance. “Their song in the silence.” The screams halt as though by cue. Bated breaths holding onto nothing except one man’s hand. “Their light in the darkness.” He jerks and points his thumb to the ground. The din resumes in an instant. “I am their voice, Hongjoong. Merely that and nothing more. Whether you consider that to be cruel or not… it is on your shoulders.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it is blood you want, then put me down there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho looks up for the first time, eyes staring directly at the seat where Hongjoong sits as still as ever. Wooyoung lurches as well, and his hand squeezes almost painfully around your thigh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong, no–” Seonghwa’s voice is the one to cut across the feed, but Hongjoong doesn’t let him continue the thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take me in Mingi’s stead.” The words feel almost heavy on your ears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah. What an intriguing turn of events. What could you possibly offer me that that Berserker could not, Hongjoong? Do not pretend to be anything more than an ant among giants when it comes to my gladiators.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You said it yourself. It’s about control. Not about winning or losing. Control.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You would hand your life over that easily? I should’ve tried this years ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When I come out of there alive, then you will give me every last bit of information I desire,” Hongjoong demands, not wavering in the face of Vladimir’s mockery.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That confidence hasn’t left you a day in your life, has it? Still… I’ll accept your offer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Yunho exhales, hands gripping the arms of his chair so tight that his knuckles go white. “He can’t be serious. He can’t be doing this. It’s – it’s suicide.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come out alive, Kim Hongjoong, and I will give you all the answers you seek. Should you die, I will grant the rest of your crew safe passage back to your ship, as well as deliver your body to them untouched. Would it be that this is a fitting end for you, Scourge of the Black Sea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have to go. We have to stop him before he does this!” Yunho exclaims. He pulls himself to his feet, forgoing the people around you in favor of his urgency. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yunho… we can’t,” you utter. Defeat radiates through your tone. The odds of Hongjoong coming out of that hellhole are slim to none. Yet the odds of you guys stopping him from going in there are even lower. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My men will escort you down to prepare for your fight. Do not expect me to be easy on you when I select your opponent.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s the thing, Vlad. I have your gladiator.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is he </span>
  <em>saying</em>
  <span>? Has he gone fucking insane? Is that what this is?” You tug on Yunho’s sleeve gently in an attempt to urge the man to sit back down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will fight for myself down in the arena, and my opponent shall be my own Berserker, Jongho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You've truly lost your mind then, is that it? You would pit yourself – someone as weak and fragile as yourself – against a Berserker? Not only that, but one of the most dangerous Berserkers in the universe?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I would. Because that's the only way you would agree to these terms, isn't it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How very insightful of you, Hongjoong,” Vladimir hums. “You are absolutely correct.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My men and I will be heading down now. You can save your escorts for our return.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, I would advise you to be wary, Kim. An ego like that makes for an even harsher fall. You would be wise not to gloat too much before your fight. Nonetheless, I look forward to seeing you test your mettle in my arena. An ode to older times, no?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong leaves the man without another response, and Vladimir must not be pressing for one because he lets Hongjoong turn on his heel and leave without a fight. The silence that ensues is so thick and palpable that you nearly choke on it, and it lasts for far too long before Seonghwa’s voice is ringing harshly in your ears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have legitimately lost your mind this time, Hongjoong,” he hisses out, and though the words are spoken in spite, you can clearly hear the wavering tone of worry in them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a plan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To </span>
  <em>die</em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Teams, reconvene at the base tunnel of the arena. Just follow the smell of blood and you’ll be able to find it without any trouble.” That order brings you to your feet in a heartbeat, and Wooyoung’s hand falls away from your leg as you rush to stand up. He stares a bit blankly up at you, body refusing to move from its place on the bench, and you grab for his hand to yank him upward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have to go, Wooyoung,” you urge. Wooyoung nods but still he doesn’t budge, eyes glazed and hazy as he struggles to come back to reality. “Wooyoung, </span>
  <em>please</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… Y/N, I-I…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever thoughts are running through his head die on his lips because he can’t manage to finish the sentence. You tug him to his feet with a bit more force, and he finally relents enough to get up and follow you. Yunho has already gotten to his feet and started making his way to the end of the row, and you trail after him with hurried steps. Your heart is thrumming hard against the confines of your chest, beating like a drum in your ears. All you can see is the broad expanse of Yunho’s back as you walk behind him, and you frankly have no idea if he knows where he’s headed but you still follow him blindly. Wooyoung shifts his hand to fit into yours. His fingers slip between yours, and you cling to the warmth just as hard as he does. It’s only when you start descending the stairs to reach the place where you entered earlier that Wooyoung decides to speak again, although part of you wishes he hadn’t said anything simply because of how heartbreaking his words are. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I c-can’t watch him die, Y/N.” You twist to look him in the eye, regretting it in an instant, but you push through the pain of seeing his trembling lip and watering eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You won’t have to.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It could be a lie for all you know but it’s enough for the time being, and Wooyoung falls silent to let you continue to pull him along. San and Jongho are waiting for you at the mouth of the tunnel, eyes wide and unblinking as the three of you step down the last of the stairs to meet up with them. There is no sign of Hongjoong and the others yet, but you know that it’s only a temporary relief for whatever hell is about to come.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho steps in front of Jongho, hands coming to rest on the young Berserker’s shoulders. “Jongho—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t,” Jongho interjects. “Don’t even try to say anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it isn’t fair of him to put you in this position. He shouldn’t—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again Yunho does not get to finish the thought, but this time it isn’t Jongho who interrupts him. You turn to face the source of the voice, knowing full well who it is, but seeing the captain standing at the edge of the stairs with his hand loosely gripping the wall does nothing to ease your worries. Yunho’s gaze softens minimally upon seeing Hongjoong. He doesn’t let it last long before the fire returns to his stare. Hongjoong doesn’t waver in the slightest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t force Jongho to fight you like this!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think we haven’t had this conversation before?” Hongjoong asks, arching a brow in Yunho’s direction. He steps closer to the five of you. Seonghwa and Yeosang trail in behind him, and the moment the latter comes into sight, Wooyoung drops your hand to rush to his side. He hits Yeosang hard, nearly toppling him over with the force of his body, but the blond manages to catch his weight with little struggle and latches onto his waist with one arm. Hongjoong motions towards Jongho – a single dismissive wave that lasts less than a second. “We discussed this yesterday after you all left the bridge.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you didn’t think to tell me — the rest of us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As far as I’m concerned, this only truly affects Jongho. The rest of you will remain here and not be able to see what’s going on inside the arena until we both come out — </span>
  <em>alive</em>
  <span>. This is a show, Yunho. I’m not asking you to understand or agree with my reasoning, but I am asking you to comply.” Hongjoong steps around Yunho and continues down the tunnel, moving on towards the center of the arena, and he beckons for Jongho to follow him with a single finger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho darts a hand out to block Jongho’s path before he can follow after the captain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vladimir won’t give you anything if both of you come out alive!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong comes to a halt where he is, and he heaves a deep sigh before turning around to face Yunho once more With several hesitant steps, Hongjoong returns to stand in front of the healer, eyes blazing as he reaches into one of his pockets and pulls out a small lidded vial that has a murky white liquid in it. Yunho blinks down at it for a few seconds before he seems to recognize what it is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The hyacinth root? When did you…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“After you mentioned bringing some back from the market.” You hardly remember that day in the marketplace since it seems to have happened so long ago, but Hongjoong’s words jot your memories of what Yunho had told you that day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You can crush them up with peppermint leaves to create a paste that, when consumed, will slow your heart rate but keep you alive. It makes you seem dead when in actuality, you aren’t. It typically lasts between seven and ten minutes. Good for getaways or dupes.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong, I don’t have the supplies for this. I won’t—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you will. The second we come out of there, Vlad’s guards will hand over Jongho’s body to you. Seonghwa will accompany me back up to see Vlad, but Yeosang must stay down here with Jongho’s body, or else they’ll be more suspicious than they already are. It’s just like what you did on Yuki—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I had supplies then! I was prepared for that! Not to mention I almost </span>
  <em>failed</em>
  <span> last time, and you nearly </span>
  <em>died</em>
  <span>, and that was when I had all the necessary supplies.” Yunho exclaims. “I can’t get the paste out of him without a decoction of violet stems and at least three other seeds and ground spices. I don’t know how you expect me to get it out of him in time without those things, and I especially don’t understand why you failed to mention this last night!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You say that like I didn’t </span>
  <em>try</em>
  <span> to mention it. You’ll have plenty of time to figure something out while we’re in the arena, but now we have to go before Vlad’s men come get us.” Hongjoong slips the vial back into his pocket, and this time when he turns, Yunho doesn’t try to stop him – either because he’s conceding or he truly doesn’t know what he can say to stop Hongjoong. Jongho steps around Yunho’s outstretched arm and follows after the captain without a word. He doesn’t wait for them to be out of earshot before whipping around to glare Seonghwa down with fire in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And here I thought your duty as lieutenant was to prevent him from doing stupid things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now is not the time for this,” Yeosang says, pulling a bit away from Wooyoung to step between the two. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Preach all you want about how much you care about him and how you would sacrifice anything for him, but the reality is that you don’t give a </span>
  <em>shit</em>
  <span> about his well-being!” Yunho continues to berate Seonghwa and pays no attention to Yeosang’s interruption. He jabs a finger at the lieutenant’s face, but Seonghwa reaches up to sway the offending hand away in an instant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sacrifice and trust go hand in hand,” Seonghwa says, managing to maintain a surprisingly steady tone in the face of Yunho’s rage. “I would not let him set a single foot in that arena if I did not trust his promise to come out alive. And would he let me, I would be the one going in there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vladimir expects them to tear each other </span>
  <em>apart</em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“These risks are no greater than the ones we have experienced in the past. They will both come out of there.” Hongjoong must have said something to Seonghwa on the way down for him to suddenly be so sure of this. Either that or Seonghwa is forcing the words out in a desperate attempt to believe it himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And do you not care that this could kill Jongho? If I can’t figure something out before they drag his body back in here, he will die because of this!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then you ought to stop arguing with me and start thinking of a solution to this issue. Or perhaps you should have listened to Hongjoong last night when he tried to tell you what the plan was.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When he dies, the blame will be on your shoulders for not doing more to stop Hongjoong,” Yunho hisses.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How so? You’re so quick to push the blame off yourself already, yet the responsibility to save him falls on your shoulders, Yunho. I’m not going to stand here and fight with you over this. You have the ability to save Jongho even without those supplies. The only person doubting you right now is yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t doubt my own abilities. Jongho will not fight back in there. Don’t you realize that? In order for this to be believable, Hongjoong will have to beat him down to near death. Jongho’s body will reject whatever treatments I try to give him without the decoction as a method of protection, but that will only end up killing him because I won’t be able to get the hyacinth paste out of him in time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Captain won’t hurt him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t need to turn to see who has just stepped in, but you do nonetheless at least for the smallest semblance of confirmation. It doesn’t make it any easier to see who stands at the edge of the tunnel, bright light cascading around his tall form and casting crude shadows across the floor as he walks closer to the group. You swallow around nothing in anticipation although nothing could prepare you for what Mingi says next. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m the one going in there, not Jongho.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: yall idek what even happened to be honest my brain is NUMB also i wrote the smut scene last so if it’s a lil bit weak im sorry T-T also lemme know what you think a whole lot happened again :o</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Act Four - Part Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Captain won’t hurt him.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You don’t need to turn to see who has just stepped in, but you do nonetheless at least for the smallest semblance of confirmation. It doesn’t make it any easier to see who stands at the edge of the tunnel, bright light cascading around his tall form and casting crude shadows across the floor as he walks closer to the group. You swallow around nothing in anticipation although nothing could prepare you for what Mingi says next. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Because I’m the one going in there, not Jongho.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely not!” Yunho blurts without a breath of hesitation, hand jerking down by his side in a fist clenched so tightly that his knuckles go white.</p><p> </p><p>“Mingi, how did you get here?” Seonghwa adds. This must not be according to plan for him to sound so bewildered, unless Hongjoong has truly kept him out of the loop but again that wouldn’t make an ounce of sense since Hongjoong spoke so adamantly about Jongho being the one to go in with him. So the only reasonable conclusion is that —</p><p> </p><p>“I left the bunker.”</p><p> </p><p>The only reasonable conclusion is, in fact, that Mingi has come to the arena by his own choice and volition.</p><p> </p><p>“How the hell did you get out?” San interjects, pushing closer to Mingi with a hand stretched towards the man’s arm. Mingi merely blinks back at the shorter man without seeming surprised in the slightest.</p><p> </p><p>“I knocked on the door and they let me out. How else would I have gotten out?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Why</em>?” Seonghwa’s tone is nothing short of livid, and for a moment, you fear that his rage will affect Mingi in turn, but the Berserker manages to keep his steady expression with little effort.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s my captain in there. That’s my captain who is about to fight, and that’s my crewmate who is taking the place that should be mine. Lieutenant, you said yourself that if he let you, you would take Captain’s place in a heartbeat. I feel the same way about Jongho.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Feel</em> . Mingi <em>feels</em> the same way about Jongho. It shouldn’t have as much impact as it does, but your heart clenches painfully in your chest and you blink at Mingi’s expression of determination with a certain sense of disbelief. The anger on Seonghwa’s features melts away, replaced by some other emotion you can’t quite place upon first glance.</p><p> </p><p>“I was there when they prepared this plan yesterday,” Mingi continues. “I heard Jongho and Captain discussing what would happen as a last resort. Captain had wanted to talk Vladimir down and make him see reason. But in the event that he was not able to do that–”</p><p> </p><p>“He would put himself on the line,” Seonghwa finishes, gaze falling to the dusty cobblestone. His jaw shifts as he mulls over his next words, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head. “Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly. But Jongho doubted that Vladimir would take Captain up on the offer, didn’t think he would allow Captain to select his own opponent.” Seonghwa hums, a sound that is noncommittal and meant to fill the small lapse in conversation when Mingi finishes speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“Vlad only accepted because he has something else in mind. He can’t trust Jongho not to go easy on Hongjoong or anything like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“But… he can trust the Brute of Kebos to do his job. What that man wants is more than blood. He wants the Brute of Kebos in his arena because that’s what he can trust. And so, I must deliver it.”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Yunho mutters, head shaking from side to side almost violently. “No! This could ruin everything. Don’t you see that? All the years of progress, everything I’ve done, all of it–”</p><p> </p><p>“It won’t though.” Mingi sounds far too confident. There is a sense of finality to his words, and even Yunho is forced to stop speaking and focus on what Mingi has to say for himself. “The second Vladimir sees me in the arena, the tide will shift. His plan will go out the window because everyone here heard what he said. He craves to control the beast. The way he exercises that power is through his hand. It’s just like my father. I have seen it time and time again, lived it time and time again. Vladimir wants to see Captain dead, and he will want me to deliver the killing blow. But when he puts that thumb down and tells me to kill Captain… I won’t do it.”</p><p> </p><p>“You were — <em>Mingi</em>, there is no guarantee that the beast won’t take over the second you set foot in there. I am not attempting to doubt you, but the mere mention of this planet sent you into a frenzy not too long ago. You cannot possibly think that this will end differently or that you won’t be able to hold back!”</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps it’s all on account of a ridiculous effort on Mingi’s part, but <em>still</em>, his expression shows no cracks. No faltering, no flashing in his red eyes – just the very same neutral visage that reminds you of a statue.</p><p> </p><p>“You know better than anyone what I’m capable of, Healer. And I am capable of disobeying orders because I have done so once before. Have at least a sliver of faith in my abilities to protect my captain.” Yunho snaps his lips together, forming a thin line that nearly disappears into white, but he does not say anything else. Seonghwa glances between the pair in a similar state of silence for several moments.</p><p> </p><p>“If…” He trails off before he can finish the thought, lashes fluttering as he looks upwards now. “If this is truly what you want to do, we obviously can’t stop you. Though this is – it’s a hard agreement to make.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have I ever hurt him before?” Mingi asks. The question is not truly inquisitive, moreso rhetorical, but it causes Seonghwa is sputter and struggle to come up with a response anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“I – n-no, not that I can recall.”</p><p> </p><p>“In six years, I have not once laid a finger on Captain. Not in all those years of episodes and relapse after relapse. I know the circumstances are different, and I know you have no reason to take me for my word, yet I would still ask you to trust me.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa extends a hand all of the sudden, eyes coming down to meet Mingi’s with a flare of determination. Mingi seems just as taken aback as the rest of you but he is quicker to understand the intention behind the gesture, hesitantly stretching his own hand out to latch around Seonghwa’s forearm. The lieutenant squeezes hard at his skin as though putting all his emotions into that one hold.</p><p> </p><p>“Then Mingi, I beg of you — please bring him back to me alive.”</p><p> </p><p>“Understood,” Mingi murmurs through a small nod. Then his hand falls away from Seonghwa’s, and the latter man releases a shaky exhale, watching Mingi step around him and move down the same tunnel that Hongjoong and Jongho descended into not too long ago. Yunho must be too stunned to say or do anything in that very moment because it takes at least two minutes for him to even react in the slightest to what just transpired before him.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me you have simply lost your mind and you don’t actually trust him.”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa reels at those words, and he isn’t the only one to be shocked either because they elicit a broken gasp from Wooyoung’s lips that is followed up by the sound of skin slapping skin, no doubt the man trying to cover the sound a bit too late.</p><p> </p><p>“Explain to me why I shouldn’t trust him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Because the last time he <em>disobeyed orders</em> , it was when his fucking father was in <em>my</em> clinic recovering from a near-fatal injury and Mingi <em>murdered</em> him! There is no guarantee that this won’t affect Mingi badly and no guarantee that the second Mingi sets foot in the arena, things won’t go to hell! The moment he gets the chance, he will kill Hongjoong regardless of whether he is Mingi’s captain or not.”</p><p> </p><p>“That is my captain down there as well, Yunho,” Seonghwa seethes through gritted teeth. “You are a fool if you think I am not even the slightest bit worried as well, but I <em>trust</em> my crew.”</p><p> </p><p>“You act like you’re the only one who gets to call him that. He’s my fucking captain too – fuck that, he’s captain to every single one of us.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yet I would not sit here and watch him die in that arena. I would never do that willingly, and as such, that’s not what I am doing now. I am putting my faith and trust in Hongjoong’s word and in Mingi’s word.”</p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t a fucking <em>savior</em> to him!” Yunho pushes forward and slams both palms against Seonghwa’s chest, knocking the man back several feet. He doesn’t fight back though; he just stands as still as ever and glares forward at Yunho with enough heat to make you shift uncomfortably from where you stand. Out the corner of your eye, you can see San taking a few hesitant steps towards them, hand outstretched towards Yunho’s arm. Just before he can stop the healer from doing anything more, Seonghwa lifts a hand – a stopping motion directed at San and San only. “You blindly throw trust in his face and for what? To turn around and spit at his feet when he actually needs you?”</p><p> </p><p>“What can I do, Yunho? What would you have me do? Go in there and take Hongjoong’s place? Speak the word and I’ll do it!”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop fucking around and be serious.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stand down, Yunho.” The enunciation of the words sends chills down your spine. There’s too much evenness to his tone, too much steadiness even though his rage billows off him in waves. Seonghwa’s anger is far more terrifying than you could have imagined it to be, a cold and harsh knife that deepens in your chest. In that moment, Yunho seems to shrink despite being taller and larger than the lieutenant, and his size could not possibly hold a candle to the absolute power and control in Seonghwa’s disposition. “That is an order, not from your lieutenant, but from your acting captain. This is me being serious, and I will not have you endanger <em>my </em>crew because of a reckless and distorted sense of pride and narcissism.”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho’s face is overtaken by a stark pallor as Seonghwa takes a step in his direction. A finger jabs into Yunho’s chest, and even though it’s only one, Yunho reacts in such a way that it seems like he’s been hit by some incredible force.</p><p> </p><p>“You <em>will </em> learn your place because whether you like it or not, I am your lieutenant and in Hongjoong’s absence, I am your <em>captain</em>. You listen to what I say, you follow my orders, you do as told without complaint. And if you feel differently, then you should have jumped ship during the mutiny.”</p><p> </p><p>Silence comes in response to Seonghwa’s cold words. All Yunho can do is manage a shaky nod before dropping his gaze to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“Now if that’s the end of your whining, listen to me. All of you. San, Wooyoung, Yunho, Y/N — you four will stay down here during the fight. Once Hongjoong and Mingi go through, the guards will close the gates. You will be allowed to stand by the gate and watch that way, but be wary. The guards typically don’t question it when crowd members come down because they assume it to be for a closer view of the fighting. On the off chance that they do ask questions, just say that: you want a closer view. Yeosang and I will remain with you all until Jongho returns so I can inform him of the plan, then us two will head back up the left-wing. Should anything happen, use the comms channel.”</p><p> </p><p>“I… I need to be on standby for when Mingi takes the hyacinth but — well, I ideally need someone to go into the market and find me some supplies.” Yunho’s shoulders loosen a bit as he speaks, all the anger in his tone dropping to a state of calm once more. Seonghwa’s lips part to respond, but Yunho cuts him short and continues speaking. “If you truly want everyone to come out of there alive, I <em>have </em>to have supplies. I truly will not be able to help Mingi without at least something to help him throw up to get the root out of his system.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll get it.” You turn to the source of the voice only to find Wooyoung stepping forward, hand still clasped tight around Yeosang’s, and through the panic on his features, you can see a bit of determination in his eyes. “I can’t watch the fight, and I-I would rather not even be present for it. Maybe I’m weak but I don’t have the stomach to watch that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go with then,” Yeosang adds without missing a beat.</p><p> </p><p>“No, Yeosang, you can’t.” Seonghwa shakes his head, causing a few strands of black hair to fall loosely over his forehead. “Vladimir is expecting the two of us to be watching. He will have his men ready to watch us and look for us. If he only sees me, or if he sees me with anyone other than you, it will be problematic at best. He expects Hongjoong to try something, but that doesn’t mean we should give him the opportunity to confirm that thought.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can go with him.” You hardly realize that the words have come out of your mouth until all eyes turn to yours. A large part of you would much rather stay and witness the fight between Hongjoong and Mingi – just out of a sense of curiosity and fascination at what might happen – but you know that there are bigger things at play here which matter far more than your personal agendas. Even if you think solely out of logic, this is the best course of action. Yeosang wouldn’t trust San to go with Wooyoung, Yunho can’t go, and Jongho isn’t even back yet for some reason that you can only boil down to him and Hongjoong talking with Mingi. And thus that leaves you.</p><p> </p><p>“Me too.” It’s San who speaks this time, although Seonghwa’s immediate response is a sharp shake of his head.</p><p> </p><p>“You have to stay with Yunho and Jongho. Y/N can… she can go with Wooyoung. There’s no telling how long this fight will last, but knowing Hongjoong, he will try to drag it out as much as possible out of pride and to make seem believable. We can only hope that it’s enough time for the two of you to get what Yunho needs and hurry back.”</p><p> </p><p>Your initial reaction is just to nod and turn towards Wooyoung, not bothering to face Yunho when he decides to speak again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll tell you what I need once you two get further into the city. There’s an old supply shop not far from here, at least there used to be — if you can’t find it, let me know and I’ll try to figure something else out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Wooyoung says before pulling his hand free of Yeosang’s. For the briefest of moments, Yeosang chases after his retreating hand, but he pulls away before Yeosang can close his fingers around Wooyoung’s again. You glance away from the pair as the creeping feeling that you’re watching something you shouldn’t be sneaks up on you. Then a hand closes around your arm, burning the skin in a tight grip, and you jerk from the suddenness of the touch. It’s none other than Yeosang who stares forward at you when you turn to face the culprit, eyes wide and pleading. For once, you find no scathing hatred in them.</p><p> </p><p>“Make sure he comes back unharmed.” There is something so raw and unadulterated about the way he utters the words, and it’s that very emotion in them that causes your throat to constrict a bit. He carries the same desperation that Seonghwa did when he asked Mingi to bring Hongjoong back alive, a desperation that runs deeper than love or adoration. You can’t quite explain it – it’s hard to even imagine something being stronger and deeper than love – yet you can feel it at that moment. More than that though, it pushes a new thought into your mind that you’ve never had before, one that nearly shatters you into a million pieces.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“We went to a fortune teller once – just the two of us before we even joined the crew or knew anything about pirates. To see my future, not Yeosang’s, but… when the woman looked into my future, Yeosang wasn’t in the picture. She said that we were not meant to be in each other’s lives. Our meeting was a mistake, and it was not what fate had planned for us. And as such, any attempts we made to stay close to each other would inevitably end in flames. All because the stars didn’t align for us.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>How can one still fight so vehemently that even fate is against? What drives a person to be that desperate? To bear a desperation that would drive you to do absolutely anything to save the person you care about more than anything else? Was it that very desperation that drove Hyunwoo to take your place and kneel before the king prior to his death?</p><p> </p><p>There won’t be hell to pay if Wooyoung gets hurt or put in danger; it’s what comes after that, what Yeosang might do in turn, what he might sacrifice to guarantee Wooyoung’s safety. That kind of devotion and commitment terrifies you — to love someone so much that you would lay down your life without a second thought to protect them.</p><p> </p><p>“You have my word,” you whisper. And it’s not merely because he asked you to because frankly you don’t have many fond feelings surrounding Yeosang and the both of you know that you owe him no favors, yet here he stands, hand on your arm, pleading for you to do the job he cannot. You aren’t entirely sure why you agree with sure vehemence, but something compels you to, and the melting away of Yeosang’s panic adds to that stirring sensation in your gut.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I don’t care for fate or destiny. I would rather it not exist, but I can’t deny the feeling that I get in my chest in those moments of intimacy. In a perfect world, I would get to call him mine without worrying about what fate has planned for us. But this? This is far from a perfect world.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They are doing nothing more than the rest of every last sorry soul in the universe: trying to create what would be their perfect world. Fate has deprived them of enough. Who are you to take more from them?</p><p> </p><p>When you pull away from Yeosang, the tightness in your throat has strengthened, and when you come alongside Wooyoung, you don’t miss the way he glances back at the Elitist. You cannot see the emotion in his eyes or his features, but you don’t need to to understand the hesitation in his movements. It is the same emotion you recognize in Seonghwa when it comes to Hongjoong. Back on Echidna when he pleaded for you to make sure that Hongjoong stayed safe, just now with Mingi, the haughty Lieutenant of Death <em>begging</em> for his captain to come back unharmed because he could not go in there to do the job for him. You can hardly imagine it — fearing for <em>someone else’s</em> life so much so that every time you part from them you have to treat it as though it could be the last. Well, you can imagine it because it’s a feeling you have always run from; one you ran from when it came to Jisung, and one you ran from when it came to San the moment it started blossoming. And with Seonghwa, you don’t <em>feel</em> that, you don’t fear for his life or what might happen if you are not around, and perhaps that is why you find yourself so drawn to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on,” Wooyoung mutters. “The sooner we do this, the better.”</p><p> </p><p>Merely seeing the way Wooyoung and Yeosang interact makes you want to run away, yet you find yourself turning just like Wooyoung did. Except when your gaze finds someone, it isn’t Seonghwa that you look towards. It’s San. San, the bright-eyed man with the cat-like smile who grinned at you on a military ship. The gentle man whose eyes seem to hold all the stars in the universe when he looks your way, the one who said he couldn’t bear the thought of you forgetting about him, who couldn’t dream of losing you before he told you he truly feels about you. The same man who looked you in the eye and said he would rather suffer pain to have you in his life than live a day without you. Gentle, kind, loving, <em>oh so loving</em>, San. As his eyes trail over your features, brows knitted together with concern washing over those deep brown eyes, you are overcome by a stark pang of fear in your chest.</p><p> </p><p>You turn back to Wooyoung, struggling to push your legs into action and follow him out of the arena’s tunnel because each step feels heavier than the last. Walking away from San seems too much like a goodbye, even though you’re confident that you and Wooyoung will both be fine. The one thing you failed to take into account was that in your efforts to keep that flower of worry from blossoming, you forget it had already taken root, and now that you can so clearly see it reflected in the people around you, you feel its roots stretching deeper into your chest.</p><p> </p><p>“How do you do it?” You murmur once the two of you are further away from the rest of the crew. Tall buildings rise up around the two of you, filling the void of the arena’s cobbles with its colored brick houses and buildings. It brings you back to when Yunho brought you here along with Wooyoung and Yeosang, with the glittering lights against the sunset sky and snow falling around your heads. The scenery now is far from that sense of peace — hard, bright rays of sunlight bearing down on you with a cold in the air so brittle that it bites at your skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you keep fighting so hard for Yeosang? When even fate is supposedly against you?” Wooyoung inhales sharply at the question, and you think you’ve crossed an invisible line for a moment. Life goes on around you, people bustling over the same streets that you walk with Wooyoung and minding their own business without a care in the world. He doesn’t respond right away, in fact, it takes quite some time for him to muster up even a few words.</p><p> </p><p>“Because love is… I-I know I can’t, but sometimes I feel like I can outrun fate. And Yeosang – he makes me feel that way. I was a slave for as long as I could remember, that was my fate, they told me it was. They said I was destined to be nothing more than a slave, just someone to be used and tossed around until I died. Everyone in my life said that even the people who raised me. B-But a dumb little blond prince came in and… and h-he shot my chains and set me free. Yeosang changed my fate for me, and he did so without any hesitation. If he could do that for me — me, who was a complete stranger back then — then why would I not try to do the same for him now when we are so much more than strangers? Fate can do a lot of things, but it could never keep me from loving him.”</p><p> </p><p>Despite the stutters and hesitation in his tone, Wooyoung sounds more confident about his words than anything else. You have never heard him speak with such conviction. You thought you had seen the extent of his resolve when he cut his hand open and told Yeosang that the man could not protect him from himself, but he proves you wrong now.</p><p> </p><p>“And how do you find it in you to walk away in times like this?” Perhaps you are just searching to hear what he would do so that you know how you should cope yourself. What he says instead hurts far more than it helps, and you cannot even begin to think about having that same mindset yourself.</p><p> </p><p>“Because I know that even if I were to die apart from him, we would find our ways back to each other in whatever comes after this life. I know that I have loved him better than I have loved anyone in my life, and despite all his faults and missteps, he has done the same for me. I can never be at peace with the thought of him dying before I do, and I’m confident that he would say the same about me, but I can be at peace with the thought of resting eternally in the knowledge that I gave him my all through thick and thin. That’s how I can walk away.”</p><p> </p><p>“I…”</p><p> </p><p>What can you say in response to something like that? You understand Yeosang’s desperation now because even if Wooyoung would be okay with it, he could never forgive himself for not being there in those moments. That makes your drive heighten, the desire to protect Wooyoung from if only to keep Yeosang from suffering a pain worse than death.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, you two there?” Yunho’s crackling voice breaks through the silence and tension hanging between you and Wooyoung.</p><p> </p><p>“Yep, we’re almost to the trade district.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, start looking for the supply shop. It’ll be somewhere on your left, <em>The Quiet Peony</em>, let me know if you can’t find it.” Yunho’s voice dissipates into nothingness once more, leaving you and Wooyoung to blink at each other without saying a word for several passing moments. Then the dark-haired man reaches down and catches hold of your hand, yanking you closer to his body. The action startles you, and you hardly realize why he is so urgent in his movements until you hear a loud clatter of metal resounding from behind you. A whoosh of air hits the back of your neck, one that feels a bit too much like the point of a spear for your liking. Wooyoung prevents you from turning around to examine your surroundings. All you can do is beg for answers in the form of a hushed whisper.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?”</p><p> </p><p>“Guards. Look like Vladimir’s men,” Wooyoung mutters back, hand clinging to yours with more force now. “I think they’re just passing through to get to the arena.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why is he bringing more men in? Could he already know about Mingi?”</p><p> </p><p>“Seonghwa would tell us, wouldn’t he? Is it – no, no, they can’t have even started the fight yet.” Wooyoung glances past your shoulder as the rattling of metal continues. His tongue darts out to moisten his lips once, twice, three times. Then he brings his other arm up, lips pressing against the thin band around his wrist. “Hey, would you – could one of you please tell us when the fight starts?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course.” It’s Seonghwa who speaks this time, voice as cool and steady as ever, and his words confirm the suspicion that the fight has in fact not started quite yet. Wooyoung exhales a sigh of relief, then the rumbling steps behind you fade into the din of the city. He releases your arm after that and steps away from you, a bit of the worry creasing his features dissipating more with each passing second.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s just hope that it’s unrelated to the mission. Come on, I think I see what might be a supply shop over there,” you urge as you stretch a hand back out towards Wooyoung. He offers a quick series of nods. His hand slots against yours as he takes it, letting you guide the way through the lines of people. As you push closer to the row of buildings, the small hanging nameplates outside them come into view, and sure enough, one of those very nameplates reads in small uppercase letters <em>The Quiet Peony</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Yunho, we’re here, it’s here,” Wooyoung says into his wristband, and there’s more optimism to his tone now that you’ve found what you were looking for with little issue.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank goodness,” Yunho sighs. Behind his voice, you can hear a clamoring of noise: loud cheers and shouts, applause that rings in your ears, a booming but unintelligible voice somewhere off in the distance. “Vladimir is announcing the fight and the rules. He—” Yunho’s voice drops at least an octave, if not more, as he hushes his tone “—he doesn’t know about Mingi yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you need us to get?” You press the question, urgent to get this done and over with so that you can return to witness the fight.</p><p> </p><p>“Um, violet stems, cardamom seeds, two vials of pure lily essence, and a bit of pink peppercorn. Just things to help him vomit the hyacinth mixture. I’ve got some purified water in my emergency bag so I won’t be needing any.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you’ve got a mortar and pestle?” Wooyoung inquires, obviously knowing far more about whatever Yunho is on about than you do.</p><p> </p><p>“Yep, brought the backup.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, we’ll – we’ll head in now.” Wooyoung hesitates though and refuses to budge from his spot outside the door. You think he’s waiting for you to make a move, but after a second you realize what it is that has him caught up. “Yeosang?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m here.”</p><p> </p><p>Except it isn’t merely a confirmation of his presence on the line or in the arena. Wooyoung breathes out again, lashes fluttering as he shuts his eyes, and he almost seems to bask in the sound of Yeosang’s voice while he can. It rubs you the wrong way. Something about Wooyoung’s disposition is off, even if he isn’t showing the same signs of anxiety and worry that he was showing earlier. Still, you keep your lips pressed tightly together as he pushes into the shop, and you follow hot on his heels. There’s nothing for you to do once in the shop; Wooyoung takes the initiative of speaking to the shop over and requesting all the materials that Yunho listed off for the two of you. You just stand back by the door, wringing your hands together endlessly with a growing disturbance in your gut. Enough is enough when Wooyoung bows at the waist and pulls away from the man behind the counter. The second he faces you, you level him with a firm stare.</p><p> </p><p>His throat bobs behind the metal collar clinging to his neck. Slowly but surely, he walks towards you, eyes not leaving yours for a second, then he motions towards the door.</p><p> </p><p>“We should go.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wooyoung,” you utter. A bit of a tremor slips into your voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N, we need to go. Now.” This isn’t the same man that you met in the med bay, the same man who was so desperate to follow orders with a high-pitched and panicked tone. This Wooyoung is far different — he doesn’t waver under the heat of your glare, and he bears a firm resolution to him. It feels entirely wrong. When he grabs hold of your arm this time, it’s to pull you out of the shop and back into the streets. The din resumes louder than before, and now you find it accompanied by your heart thrumming in your ears.</p><p> </p><p>“The fight is starting now,” Seonghwa announces. The adrenaline pumping through your veins seems to reach impossible heights. “They announced him as Jongho, but it won’t take long for Vlad to realize who is truly down there in the arena with Hongjoong.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung’s grip tightens on you. You try to pull free of his grasp, startled by the sudden shift in his demeanor, but he’s holding you with a newfound force that you can’t get out of.</p><p> </p><p>“Wooyoung, what the fuck is going on?” You hiss as you give up on your attempts to get out. He barely shifts to look back at you over his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I can’t explain. You won’t – it won’t m-make any sense. You just have to trust me on this, Y/N. We need to get back there as quickly as possible.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wooyoung, you’re hurting me.” The words are only half true – mostly an attempt to get him to loosen his grip, but it backfires because he only clings to you tighter.</p><p> </p><p>“I had a dream about this last night, Y/N.” Wooyoung’s chest heaves in an unsteady pattern. “I had a dream about the mission and everything that would happen on it. And everything I dreamt of is happening, it’s all coming to life. I dreamt that Hongjoong would offer himself up and that Mingi would be his opponent, and I dreamt that Hongjoong dies in there. I saw him die, but it wasn’t Mingi who killed him. Vladimir killed him – both of them – then he killed Jongho, Yunho, San a-and Yeosang. And after that? He captured Seonghwa and you and m-me, and he used that same squadron of guards who passed us in the streets not long ago to do it. I dreamt that we would pass them, that one would hit your shoulder and knock you to the ground, and t-that’s why I was able to stop them from doing that today. Call me crazy, but there are far too many coincidences happening right now for me <em>not</em> to think that that dream is coming true.”</p><p> </p><p>Under any other circumstances, you would yank your arm away from Wooyoung’s and call him batshit insane. Now, however? The blaring sirens of panic and warning rampaging in your head are enough for you to take Wooyoung’s word for it. It may only be superstition, but you know that you never would have guessed that Mingi would come to the arena or that Hongjoong would offer himself to go down to fight. Yet Wooyoung seems to have dreamt both into reality. You don’t fight him anymore, not with your body or your words; instead, you let the man tug you back towards the arena with an increased sense of urgency to your movements.</p><p> </p><p>A panic settles into your bones the closer you draw to the rising walls of the arena. It’s one that you have felt before — when you were scaling the walls of the palace grounds on Eros to stop the king from killing Hyunwoo. His form swirls to life at the forefront of your mind, the black silk hood cinched around his neck and covering his face even in his last moments. Again when you and Hongjoong were racing through Echidna in attempts to catch up with San before he did something reckless. Wooyoung’s mention of Vladimir killing San in his dream is not the only reason why his face replaces Hyunwoo’s in your head.</p><p> </p><p>In all your time in the military, you never had to fear for Jisung’s life. You didn’t have to fear for any of your team’s lives, not until the end when Hyunwoo’s was on the line. Even when you were in jail for your crimes, you did not fear for them because they were <em>your</em> crimes and not theirs. The pain you felt when you learned that Hyunwoo was scheduled to die is the same pain you feel radiating through your whole body now. You <em>aren’t there</em> . If anything happens to him now, you <em>can’t be there</em>. You are too far away to get to San in time. Logic tells you that he can protect himself and keep himself safe, but sheer panic screams louder in the din of your thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>Something stops you in your tracks. Wooyoung comes to a halt beside you, a startled and broken cry ripping from his lips. Everything happens in slow motion.</p><p> </p><p>An explosion first. It’s so loud that your ears ring and your head throbs from the pressure of it. The both of you are staring directly at the source of the explosion, just through the tunnel leading to the main fighting ground of the arena and just past that gate that separates Hongjoong and Mingi from the rest of the crew. It starts and ends there, a cloud of sandy, pale dust billowing up so quickly that you have to duck your head to keep from choking on it.</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung tears forward. His hand drops yours without second thought. Someone is screaming through the earpiece, you can at least feel the vibrations of their voice, but your ears are still ringing too much for you to actually process what’s being said. Your legs work on their own accord and thrust your after Wooyoung.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hongjoong. Mingi. Both in the arena.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>How bad was the explosion? Everything happened too quickly for you to recall the extent of the blast, but it could be that the dust made it seem much worse than it was in actuality.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jongho?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He would have been close to the gate with the others. With Yunho. You are angry with the healer, yes, but you wouldn’t go so far as to wish death on him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He said he would be in the left wing with Yeosang. That would be far enough away from the blast, no? Surely it would be. Unless Vladimir’s guards reached the two of them first. Yet you can’t imagine that either one would go down easily.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>San.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He was to remain with Yunho and Jongho. That’s far too close for comfort.</p><p> </p><p><em>Please.</em> You’ve never been one to pray, but if that’s what it takes for San to be okay, then you will do whatever you have to. <em>Please be okay</em>. You don’t care what kind of monster you have to become in order to keep him safe. It scared you before — back when you turned into a person you did not recognize in that warehouse on Echidna — but now you cannot find it in your body to care in the slightest.</p><p> </p><p>As you burst into the tunnel, a body slams hard against yours. You are so clouded with panic and too focused on staring forward that you thrash against the grip on your shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N!” It isn’t San’s voice calling out your name, you know that much.</p><p> </p><p>“San!” You scream out nonetheless, fingers ripping and tearing at the arms caging you in to no avail.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N, listen – listen, it’s me! Y/N!” You stop thrashing long enough to bring your gaze to the face of the man holding you. Blond hair fills your vision, panicked eyes wide and your throat nearly closes in on itself when you recognize it to be Yeosang. But —</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung was just in front of you. He is nowhere to be found now, not anywhere near Yeosang which is where he <em>should</em> be, and Seonghwa isn’t anywhere in sight either despite him being with Yeosang earlier.</p><p> </p><p>“Se-Seonghwa?” You stammer through a few heavy breaths.</p><p> </p><p>“He went straight to the source of the explosion.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong and Mingi?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong and Mingi,” Yeosang confirms through a shaky nod.</p><p> </p><p>“Wooyoung. He – he went ahead of me. Did you s-see him?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I just came down the stairs. Seonghwa jumped straight down into the arena, but I got caught up in the crowds of people trying to rush out.” You couldn’t even focus on the people rushing around you and Yeosang until he mentions it, still high on the adrenaline pumping through your veins and leaving you dizzy.</p><p> </p><p>“San,” you exhale. Your gaze falls over Yeosang’s shoulder again and stares deeper into the tunnel ahead.</p><p> </p><p>“There’ll be guards ahead. Vladimir probably launched an emergency attack when he realized Mingi was down there.”</p><p> </p><p>“And? We can’t leave them there.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m not saying we should. Just – just that we need to be careful.” Yeosang pulls back to hold you at arm’s length now, but his gaze isn’t focused on you. No, it’s shift to look back over his shoulder and down the tunnel that remains clouded with dust. There is far too much screaming from the crowds trying to rush out of the arena for either of you to hear anyone further down. Yeosang maintains a steady grip on your bicep as he pulls his gun free of its holster. You fumble to do the same albeit with much more of a struggle because your hands are shaking so <em>badly</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang leads the way down the tunnel despite not being able to see far in front of him, and you stay close behind him, leaning to the side just enough to glance past his shoulder. The whole situation is horrifying enough but the whole concept of not being able to see or hear your crewmates makes it far worse than it already is. The two of you are only about halfway into the tunnel when a gunshot resounds. It ricochets and echoes throughout the length of the cylinder. Your steps come to a halt as Yeosang darts a hand out in front of your body. The barest outlines of bodies come into sight, dust beginning to disperse enough to expose the people inside the cloud. You can’t make out any faces, but certainly, some have to be your fellow crewmates.</p><p> </p><p>“Move!” One voice rises above the others, and it’s one you recognize in a heartbeat. San. <em>San</em> , who sounds tired and out of breath and strained but still <em>okay</em>. Alive. More noises begin to resound as you and Yeosang push closer. The clattering of metal against metal for the most part – very sparse gunshots – along with a few shouts that are foreign compared to the voices of the crew. You can only hear Wooyoung and San in the mess, but there’s certainly more fighting than that going on, so you can only hope that Jongho and Yunho will be there as well when you finally push through the dust cloud.</p><p> </p><p>And it’s with a sigh of relief that they do come into view, Yunho sprawled out of the ground with a gun in hand, and Wooyoung and San standing back to back both with spears in hand. They must have taken them from some of the guards because the guard standing across from Wooyoung holds the same weapon in his own hands, swinging the weapon in Wooyoung’s direction. Yeosang reacts before the dark-haired man can; his gun whips up and places a bullet in the guard’s helmet before he can come close to touching Wooyoung.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeosang!”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung nearly drops his weapon in favor of rushing towards the Elitist, but another metal-clad guard comes down on his left. Yeosang doesn’t have time to react this time. San does though, hand stretching behind him to snag the shaft of the spear before the point can sink through Wooyoung’s skin. He twists and slams the tip of his own weapon deep into the gut of the attacker. A grunt leaves his snarled lips as he shoves the guard back and plants a foot on the base of the spear. You and Yeosang came just in time to see the end of the fighting it seems; no other guards stand in the tunnel, just San and Wooyoung surrounded by a myriad of bodies with Yunho not far away. One person isn’t in sight though. Jongho.</p><p> </p><p>San wipes at the base of his nose with his sleeve before turning to face you. Sweat paints his brow, dripping down the sides of his face, but as far as you can tell, there are no injuries or blood on him. Wooyoung and Yunho are in similar conditions, which is reassuring at best, but the lack of information surrounding the rest of the crew doesn’t let you rest easy.</p><p> </p><p>“Seonghwa and Jongho went in for Captain and Mingi,” San heaves, mouth continuing to hang agape even after he speaks. “Seonghwa told us to wait here for them, but a squadron came in. Most likely will send backups too.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll just have to be ready for a fight then,” Yeosang answers. He doesn’t push his gun back into its holster, but he does lower it to his side as Wooyoung rushes over to join him where he stands. You don’t have time to glance away before you catch the sight of their lips slotting together fervently, Wooyoung’s hands clasped desperately around the back of Yeosang’s neck. San moves towards Yunho’s reclining form, and he extends a hand to the healer before helping the man get to his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” You inquire, trying not to let your gaze linger on the carnage strewn over the cobbles.</p><p> </p><p>“It took longer than we thought it would for Vladimir to react to Mingi being in the arena, but… everything happened really quickly after that. The fight didn’t last more than ten minutes at best. The explosion came from under the arena, no doubt a failsafe for Vlad to use in emergencies, but it wasn’t a true bomb. An electrostatic pulse meant to incapacitate. He has nodes lining the walls of the actual circle, and my guess is that they can conduct the pulses through them and send it throughout the whole arena. Still, any bomb of that size causes a big impact, and that’s why there was a sudden dust storm and so much chaos.” San brings a hand to his hair and combs through his sweat-slick locks. “No doubt that’s what is taking Seonghwa and Jongho so long. And a unit was probably dispatched to take care of them too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then shouldn’t we go in there and help out?” You offer, tilting your head to the side.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s best to guard this entrance from further intruders.” Yeosang is the one to answer you. You peek over in his direction. Wooyoung clings to him like a vice and refuses to let his arms pull away from the blond for even a fraction of a second, and frankly, you cannot blame him at this point.</p><p> </p><p>“Then we should—”</p><p> </p><p>You cut your thought short out of the blue. Expectant eyes turn to you, waiting for you to continue what you were saying, but your mind goes elsewhere. A chill runs down your spine. A freezing cold sensation blossoms in your fingertips, spreading and spreading until you feel it down to your toes. Jerking your head, you glance back over your shoulder only to find nothing there except for the retreating backs of civilians who are still trying to get out of the building.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N? What’s goi—”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up,” you hiss, not caring to process whoever the voice belongs to. Nothing. Not the barest hint of a sound. A ruckus coming from both ends of the tunnel, but the air is completely still under the tension hanging about you in this part. Too still. You bring your chin forward once more only to test a theory. It proves useful because the second you face San again, a clink of metal resounds. Something rolls by your left foot. A small, round silver ball. Etchings all over the sphere. Two carefully carved initials into the side of the metal. Technology you’ve only seen from one person before.</p><p> </p><p>You’re too late to kick it out of the way, and a gust of freezing cold smoke hisses around your body, filling the air with a new kind of dust that blinds you in seconds. All you can hear are the sounds of the others coughing near you. You think back to the letters that rolled across your vision.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>HJ</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Smoke bomb. Not just any smoke bomb — one specially crafted and made for reconnaissance and assassination missions. You would know exactly what their original purpose was supposed to be because there is only one person you know of in the entire universe who would sign his name off on a bomb.</p><p> </p><p>Your body careens to the floor before you can think about it further, a force slamming so hard into your back that almost every ounce of air leaves your lungs.</p><p> </p><p>“Jisung,” you exhale with the last few huffs of air in your body. The pressure on your back alleviates in less than a second.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Han Jisung. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Assassin, Spectre, reconnaissance specialist. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Talents: crafting special grade weaponry for missions.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Trademark: carving his initials into every single weapon he creates.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Han Jisung.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jisung is <em>gone</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I swear on my life that I’ll never leave you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Promise me that you won’t.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Here.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I could never. I love you far too much to do that.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jisung is <em>here</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you miss me, Y/N?”</p><p> </p><p>That’s the last thing you hear before something sharp digs into the back of your neck, and a strange warmth fills your veins. You don’t have time to think about what it could be because it sends you into a deep and intense state of unconsciousness within mere seconds.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <em>The air around you is stiff and unmoving, cold as ice yet you don't feel goosebumps rising across your skin. A dark night sky looms above you with its scattering of bright stars. Near the center of the indigo sea lies a brilliant red moon; bright in its blinding color. Something about the scene is familiar, the clearness of the sky reminds you of something from your past. No clouds, no breeze, no sounds of nightlife.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It's a sense of complete and utter peace. Something damp seeps through your clothing, touching your skin and leaving you cold. You sit up and press your palms to the ground below you. Instead of meeting solid ground, however, you're met by water. It splashes against your legs, and you withdraw your hands from the surface in an instant.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Water?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You bring your chin up, glancing across your surroundings. It's a lake, a shallow one yes, considering that your legs aren't fully submerged and you seem to be placed in the middle of it. A chill runs down your spine. You know exactly where you are. The water beneath you runs black, and the enormous moon hanging in the sky is only present on one planet. It's only then, when you discern where you are, that you realize you're in a dream and not reality. You push yourself to your feet, nearly slipping on the slick mud beneath the layer of black water. A man sits at the edge of the lake, undisturbed and unbothered by your presence.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You wade through the water in the direction of the man. As you get closer, his features become more clear under the vibrant red moonlight. A familiar face to go along with the familiar scenery. He prods at the pebbles along the shore of the lake with a crooked stick, paying you no attention even as you splash water across the rocks with your steps.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It's been a while since I've seen you, old man,” you greet, soft tone carrying through the air with ease in the absence of a breeze. The rugged form before you doesn't move. He continues to prod at the stones near your feet and pushes black water against your ankles. You wait a moment in the hopes that he'll look up at you and respond, but he still acts as though you don't exist.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Daichi,” you try again in an attempt to garner his attention. It works this time.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>His chin snaps up, a wrinkled face becoming clear before you, and blue eyes stare into yours. Piercing and cold, just as you remember from your last encounter with the aged man.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ah, Tsukio. There you are.”</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: surprise? LMAO what do i have to say for myself? nothing honestly. i have nothing to say except enjoy the chaos!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Act Four - Part Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Five people in the room. Dark walls, wood panels laid over bricks at haphazard and awkward angles, quiet voices muttering off to the side, three cots smashed together as closely as possible on one side of the room, body splayed out on the two cots on your left whilst you lie on the third. Every muscle in your body aches and burns like it’s been sitting over a fire for the better part of a day. There’s a slight itch to your throat, but you can’t even bring yourself to cough. You don’t move; you aren’t sure you could if you wanted to, so you don’t push it quite yet and instead settle for lying down and listening to the hushed whispers around you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s voice is the first to drift to your ears, and just the sound of it lets a bit of comfort sink into your heavy bones. You wish he was at your side and not across the room, and the small cravings for his hand in yours swell up in chest. Jongho speaks up after that with his deep timbre that rumbles against the soft sound of the air conditioner. And lastly, Yunho. His voice grates hard on your mind, and you wish you could fall asleep just so that you wouldn’t have to listen to it any longer. One quick glance to your left tells you that Yeosang is sprawled on the cot beside yours, and just past the steady rise and fall of his chest, you catch sight of Hongjoong’s blue head of hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five people in the room, and San isn’t one of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rest is out of the question at this point, especially with the swirling memories of the dream you woke up from not too long ago. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ah, Tsukio. There you are.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Tsukio?” You question, head falling to the side as confusion waves over you. Water continues to lap at your feet and pushes between your bare toes. “That’s — you’ve never called me that before.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yes, I have, child. Ever since the first time you visited me.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Daichi turns back to the pebbles under him. He nudges them some more with the end of his twisted branch, then lets the stick splash against the surface of the lake. He pushes himself up to his full height, yet something about it doesn’t feel quite right. He isn’t as tall as you remember him to be. Not only that, but your body doesn’t feel the way it usually does. You feel heavier, like something is wrapped tight around you and pulling your shoulders down with its weight, but you can’t bring your hands up to look at them any longer.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“She is too close to you,” Daichi utters without sparing you another glance.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“She?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You were foolish enough to let the fire come in and scald you. The water will drown you in her embrace.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Wh-What?” You stammer through your endless confusion. You hardly have the mental capacity to be thinking about the meaning behind his riddles might be, but that added to the strange foreign sensation running through your system doesn’t help to ease your panic one bit.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“How often must I remind you of the prophecy before it sinks in through that skull of yours, Tsukio?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You grit your teeth together to keep from snapping at the old man and telling him off. You want nothing more than to tell him that you are not Tsukio, you are not Umiko, you are just Y/N and nothing else. He has never even mentioned any sort of fucking prophecy to you in all the time you’ve been meeting with the damn man. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“The moon will meet the sea in fire, and guided by the earth, they will seek the sun. As the sun rises out of the east, so the moon will set in the west with waters crashing out of the south and the earth climbing in the north, and fires will blaze at the center of it all. Blood spilled over pale sands and misted skies.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You find it in you to pull away from the man, although it takes far too much effort to do so, and you slide back across the mud. The sensation is strange between your toes, and you certainly don’t welcome it, but it carries you away from Daichi and his odd mutterings. That’s good enough for you. You don’t manage to pull that far away before your legs fail. Black waters splash around you when your knees sink into the mud. That’s the position you remain in for quite some time too; unable to pull yourself up and incapable of doing anything other than stare down at the swirling waters. It’s only when they still that your senses return. Because the reflection in the water is not your own. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The face blinking back at you does not belong to you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It belongs to —</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You jerk your head towards the sound of the voice, eyes honing in on broad shoulders before Seonghwa’s face comes into view. He kneels down beside your makeshift bed. The second he extends a hand to brush the loose strands of hair off your forehead, a wave of comfort hits you, and the gentle smile painting his lips almost convinces you that everything is okay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling?” He inquires. His hand remains in your hair, nails now scraping therapeutic patterns across your scalp. The idea of sleeping again comes to mind, but you force yourself to sit up on your elbows and look closer at the man’s features. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even if you were to put it kindly, Seonghwa looks like absolute shit. The deep circles under his eyes, shallow scratches over one cheekbone and a nasty purple bruise on the other. You can see white gauze under the collar of his form-fitting shirt that seems to snake up over his shoulder, but he uses that arm without any visible issue just fine. You hardly realize how your arm moves on its own accord, reaching up to cup the line of Seonghwa’s jaw, and your thumb drags over his scraped cheek.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been through worse, princess,” he chuckles under his breath. The smile on his lips stretches to one of amusement, and if you had it in you, you might laugh back with him. But not now. Not while Yeosang and Hongjoong remain unconscious beside you, and nearly half the crew is unaccounted for. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m – I’m sore,” you manage after a couple of seconds of easy silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not surprised. You were given a pretty strong tranquilizer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It comes back to you then, an almost instantaneous shift in your demeanor as you remember what exactly went down prior to you passing out. Nothing too dramatic or memorable compared to the finale. If you had thought that Han Jisung wouldn’t haunt your thoughts after that, then you would have looked a fool on all accounts. Seonghwa notices the tension that rises in your body, and his hand drops from your head to your shoulder, squeezing gently at the flesh under his fingers. He opts not to comment on your unfocused gaze; rather, he motions towards Yeosang and Hongjoong behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know when they’ll be up. Yunho was up within a few hours, but his dosage was apparently a lot lower than yours and Yeosang’s were since he didn’t pose as much of a threat.” You squint at Yeosang’s reclining body once before pulling yourself up into a better sitting position. Seonghwa moves with you, hand never leaving your form for a second, and he’s there to steady you when you wobble a little upon swinging your legs over the edge of the cot. You don’t dare to get up from there, content to just sit and stew as you watch the unconscious crewmates in front of you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” You ask after quite some time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can explain that a bit more when Yeosang wakes. It’s… um—” Seonghwa doesn’t let himself finish the thought. Your heart twinges in your chest, although you know that it isn’t on your own accord because of the way Seonghwa’s expression shifts. His gaze falls to the floor past your cot. You don’t press him for answers, but it is more than clear enough to tell that something awful has happened in the time you were unconscious. Your initial reaction is: </span>
  <em>no, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know. I would be better off not knowing. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That devolves in a matter of seconds thanks to the worry rolling off Seonghwa’s body in waves. You bring a hand up to the one he has resting atop your shoulder then with a hesitant grasp take his lithe, long fingers between yours and offer whatever minimal comfort you can to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong is lucky to be alive.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Hongjoong is lucky to be alive, then what of Mingi? Where is he? Is he in a similar condition? Better? Worse? Wooyoung isn’t at Yeosang’s bedside. San isn’t at yours. So where the fuck are they? In another room? If they managed to cram three cots together in this one, then surely they could have made some more room for the others as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need to let him rest longer, give him time to recover, and let his body catch up on sleep as well. So hopefully Yeosang will get up soon, and you won’t have to stay waiting for an explanation for too long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s words exude a sense of finality, and yet he doesn’t move away from you. He stays put and brings his gaze up to trail over your features. He seeks something in them that you aren’t aware of, a dash of confusion to his dark orbs that has your stomach churning every which way, and you can’t pretend not to know why. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought I would lose you both,” he whispers so quietly that only you can hear the words. “I fear that I won’t be able to have you as fairly as I promised bec-because–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Do you still love him?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Not in that way any longer.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can talk about that later,” you say, cutting Seonghwa’s thought short despite the fact that you already know where it was headed. It is an easy feeling for you to understand because every aspect of your life seems to drag you back to Jisung somehow. If Hongjoong is Seonghwa’s weak spot, then Jisung is most definitely yours. Too much is happening for you to properly process it all at the moment, so part of you demands to postpone that conversation with Seonghwa as much as possible if only to let you have time to gather your bearings and work through the confusion. Some things can wait. Others cannot. What happened before you got here is one of those that cannot wait. That conversation with Seonghwa can. And Jisung… Jisung is a thought that you will push to the deepest recesses of your mind and avoid with as much willpower as you can muster because while you should have seen this coming, you are still reeling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He always spoke of coming to Kebos once he retired. It was his dream for the both of you. You didn’t have word for word confirmation that he was alive but you knew quite well that he escaped Eros prior to the execution then he disappeared from your radar. You figured he would be here and yet… you could never have expected him to be in the arena when he was or do whatever it is he did. To the outside eye – to Seonghwa – it might seem like an attack, and that would be logical since Jisung didn’t seem to know who you were until you said his name. However, he had to have seen you before the attack, he had to have known it was you, he said your name without an ounce of hesitation, and he was very clearly watching you because you could sense a presence before he showed himself. If he had wanted to kill you, he would have done so. He could have killed Yeosang and Yunho as well, but here they are, alive and for the most part well with you. San… Wooyoung… you don’t want to think that Jisung would kill either of them, and you don’t want to think that they are dead either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What exactly was Jisung doing in that tunnel?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You are so lost in those thoughts that you don’t feel Seonghwa pulling away to face where Yeosang lays behind him. Jongho comes closer to the bedside, head stretching out to rest atop your head, and the gentle weight soothes you enough to bring you out of the intruding thoughts. He seems to be in far better condition than Seonghwa is – you can’t spot a single scratch or bruise on his face at least, but his knuckles are all battered. His red eyes are tired and bloodshot in a way that is concerning. He reassures you with a gentle smile before pulling his hand away from your head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang?” Seonghwa nudges the sleeping man with the back of his hand. At first, the blonde doesn’t budge even an inch and remains so still that you would believe that he’s dead if not for the steady rise and fall of his chest. Seonghwa bothers to prod at his shoulder once more, this time garnering a reaction from the man as the Elitist bolts upright on his cot. His body still seems to be on the offensive because he nearly clocks Seonghwa right in the nose with a wildly swinging arm, but the latter deflects the awkward attack before it can make contact. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where are we?” Yeosang asks the moment he somewhat gathers his bearings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re at a hostel not far outside the city, but at a safe distance from the arena.” Seonghwa stands up straight as Yeosang continues to blink around the room. It’s only a matter of time before the blond begins to ask more questions, including ones surrounding Wooyoung’s absence, but Seonghwa beats him to it. “Now that you’re both awake, we can better explain what exactly happened. As soon as Vladimir figured out that it was Mingi down in the arena, he detonated the electromagnetic bomb underneath the building that sent an intense electrical current through the arena itself. Neither Hongjoong or Mingi had time to react or withdraw, so they were both caught in the majority of the blast, but it also stirred up an awful duststorm, which flooded the base and tunnels surrounding the bomb. Then, Vlad dispatched several fighting units to no doubt dispatch of us before we could escape. Jongho and I went down to get Mingi and Hongjoong. We could hardly see a thing in there because of the dust, and it was only when it cleared that we were able to find Hongjoong, unconscious and beaten within an inch of his life. Mingi was nowhere to be found.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your gaze flits back down to where Hongjoong lies. His face is turned to the opposite wall so you can’t see the evidence of his fighting all too well, but several bruises poke out of the collar of his shirt. That is enough to tell you how bad things got for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We spent so long searching for Mingi,” Seonghwa continues through a deep sigh. You shift to glance towards Jongho, but the Berserker stares at the floor without moving a muscle. His expression is impossible to read, and you can’t bring yourself to try to figure out how he feels about this. The exhaustion alone on his features tells you about how well he’s taking the situation. “There was only one exit, and that was the tunnel you all were already in. We assumed that we could carry Hongjoong out and find you all with Mingi in the tunnel. However… when we came in, it was worse than we could have imagined. The two of you and Yunho were all lying face down, completely unconscious, and there was a man with a green hood standing close to your body, Y/N. We – I immediately confronted him because I thought it had been his doing, but he claimed that he did not do anything to harm you all. There was still no sign of Mingi there either.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa must have more to say than that. You can hardly believe that he wouldn’t breathe a word about Wooyoung or San, but his continued hesitance offers no comfort and only makes you want to make a break for the door and get out of this damn room. Yeosang picks up on that as well, and this time he is quick enough to ask a question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what of the others? Wooyoung?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s tongue pokes out to moisten his lips. He doesn’t respond right away, then he reaches for his pocket, pulling a shattered wristband out and passing it to Yeosang without a word. You lean forward to look on as well but regret it the moment you catch a glimpse of the screen. It’s the band that was assigned to Wooyoung, and you only know that because of the small initials flashing in the corner of the cracked screen. You don’t get to look longer than a moment; next thing you know, Yeosang is pushing himself to his feet and hurling the band across the room. It hits the brick wall with a loud clatter. He must not have all his strength back quite yet because just the simple movement has Yeosang stumbling and falling to his knees. Seonghwa tries to catch him a moment too late, hand clasping around Yeosang’s forearm the second he hits the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh-Where is he?” Yeosang asks, tone heavy with labored breaths.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We… we don’t know, Yeosang.” The lack of confidence in Seonghwa’s tone betrays how he truly feels, and it scares you when he glances up to meet your eyes. The next words to fall from his lips are far worse. “San is gone too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Choi San is </span>
  <em>gone</em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” you choke out, hardly aware that you say the small word of denial out loud. “Not again. I-I… pl-please—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What would’ve happened if you died out there?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The world suddenly feels a lot less real, like you’re stuck in a pathetic state of limbo and watching everything happen around you without being a part of it. There is a stabbing pain in your chest that lingers for far too long. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And I wasn’t there to be with you. What would I have done if you died before I told you how much I care about you?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa, Yunho, Jongho, Yeosang, Hongjoong. Five people in the room. And not one is San.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time when you reach out to Seonghwa, it’s a desperate attempt to have something ground you. Jongho moves to intercept your movements and stand in Seonghwa’s place, but the lieutenant doesn’t let him do so; instead, he slips away from Yeosang and closer to you. His fingers slip between yours, squeezing tightly at your hand, and his other hand moves around your waist. He anchors himself there, the sinking sensation of his warmth filling your senses as you drink it in deeper and deeper. The black waters of panic surge around you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is what you feared would happen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The reason why you were so adamant and desperate not to get attached.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa braces his body against yours. The anchor sinks deeper. You ball your fists around the fabric of his coat, clinging to it like a lifeline, and your panicked gaze drops to where Yeosang still kneels on the floor. Jongho squats beside him now, having taken Seonghwa’s place by his side. If your pain and fear are this deep, then you cannot even begin to imagine how Yeosang is feeling at this moment in time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Can love be so powerful that it changes the deepest parts of a person? You would like to believe that yes, it can. And you can only say that because of the way Kang Yeosang – an Elitist, an arrogant and logic-inclined Elitist – is hunched over on the floor sobbing into his hands. Sobbing could not even begin to describe his cries, in all honesty. They are wretched and awful, so broken at the seams that every crack in Yeosang’s usually so-put-together composure shows every drop of pain in his body. You aren’t sure what you expected from him — perhaps anger? Rage directed towards Seonghwa and Jongho for not getting there sooner? Towards himself for failing to keep Wooyoung safe? Towards you since you gave your word to him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You aren’t sure if it’s the panic gradually residing or if Seonghwa is influencing your emotions somehow with his closeness and the heat of his breath on your ear, but your heart slowly comes down to a more regular pace. The intense pain over your heart remains quite present. You can manage that; Yeosang, however, just seems to be devolving further and further into a drastic state of hysteria thanks to the news. There is nothing you can do — nothing any of you could possibly do to console him unless you brought Wooyoung through the door right this instant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, on days that were not so busy or stressful, you would find yourself in the mess hall with Yeosang and Wooyoung, maybe with Jongho or San at your side as well. You never put much thought into it back in the heat of the moment, just filtered through things and stored certain memorable moments in the recesses of your brain. But something you could always clearly see from Yeosang – something you see every single time he looks at the dark-haired man – is the way the Elitist would look at Wooyoung as though he held every star in the universe in the palm of his hand. Now you can reason it out and know why exactly Yeosang would look at Wooyoung in such a way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because the man hunched over on the floor before you is crying as though the light of his life has been taken from him, like he is fully enshrouded in such an intensity of darkness that there is no way out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They are doing nothing more than the rest of every last sorry soul in the universe: trying to create what would be their perfect world. Fate has deprived them of enough. Who are you to take more from them?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You would make every last monster who took Wooyoung from Yeosang pay a hundred times over, just as you would do the same to the ones who took San from you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho maintains a steady touch on his shoulders, one hand squeezing tightly around each one, but the gesture doesn’t slow or stop the cries falling from Yeosang’s lips. It’s with a rare look of desperation that Seonghwa focuses his attention on Yunho, and with an unspoken plea for Yunho to give him something, anything. All the healer can manage is a shake of his head, and he returns to watching Yeosang sob forlornly. For Yunho of all people to admit that there isn’t anything he can do to help the man right now is a punch in the gut. Seonghwa leans away from you to mutter something into the shell of Jongho’s ear, and the Berserker offers a curt nod in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you some food,” Seonghwa whispers once he turns back to you. “Jongho will stay with Yeosang for now and… try his best to calm him down some. At least enough so that we can discuss further and talk about a plan.” Seonghwa sinks his teeth into his lower lip. “I wish — I’m sorry I don’t have more answers. I wish I could give you more than what we have now.” The way Seonghwa gazes at you speaks more than the words that fall from his lips. The endless apologies on his mind that don’t come to light – you don’t need to hear any of them to know how he’s feeling and how he’s blaming himself for not doing more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he stands, you move with him, albeit on shaky legs that aren’t used to the sudden pressure. Yunho leads the way out of the room without a word. Again the world seems to shift under your feet, like a cruel slap to the face, and you can almost feel yourself slipping back into a dingy and rusted cell. Your mind is so disconnected from reality that you don’t even fully fall into a flashback; it comes in snippets instead, gross figments of your past that you don’t want anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“He’s not coming back. I told him to leave for good.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“H-He wouldn’t do that, Hyunwoo. He wouldn’t leave us. Jisung’s – he’s different, not like that!” Your hand clasp desperately at the iron bars separating you from the broad-shouldered man. Hyunwoo dips his chin to his chest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Forgive me, Y/N… the only way I could convince him to leave was to – was to tell him that you were dying with me.” Your throat goes impossibly dry. “Jisung is gone. As soon as they take your chains off, you should do the same. Get the hell out of here, get off this planet, and – and do better.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s hand rests on the small of your back. The pressure of his palm increases with each passing second. It pulls you back and gives you glimpses of the present. A dark hallway, stairs, a smiling woman who motions towards an empty table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I – Hyunwoo, I didn’t even get to say goodbye!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry. This was the only way I could save you all. Maybe one day you will get to see each other again, and you can tell him the truth. And he can tell you the truth.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sitting down, Yunho sitting across from you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What fucking truth? You can’t do this now of all times, Hyunwoo! It isn’t the time to be cryptic and mysterious!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s hand still on you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’ll understand one day, Y/N. I promise.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t understand a thing. And you certainly don’t get why life or fate or whatever the fuck it is keeps wrenching the people you care about from your grasp. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you at least know whether they’re alive?” You ask, tone hesitant and quiet yet pleading at the same time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“San and Mingi both had their wristbands still on. Vital signs were active for quite some time but…” You don’t even care that there is a ‘but’. Simply hearing that the vital signs were active is enough to wrench a relieved sigh from your lips. “We have reason to believe that they were taken off-planet. The bands only work within a certain range, and the atmosphere affects them greatly as well. Since we were all on-planet, I didn’t set the frequencies to adjust for space travel. I-I should’ve thought of all the possibilities and planned accordingly.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The woman from earlier bustles around the table, delivering plates of an assortment of foods from bread to fruits to meats. Despite hunger curling in your gut, you aren’t sure that you can stomach the food anyway. Seonghwa nudges a plate in your direction, and you decide to at least put in a bit of an effort for him, if only to make him feel better. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words surprise both you and Seonghwa, heads whipping up to look at the man who spoke in unison. Yunho stares down at the table as though he hasn’t breathed a word at all, but you all know what he said, heard it loud and clear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pardon?” Seonghwa says after blinking away his shock.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault. There was no way you could have expected what would happen on the mission. Even if you did expect it, there was no possible way of preventing the damage that was done. Thus… it is not your fault.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Forgive me if I don’t trust comfort coming from your lips, Yunho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The healer sighs upon hearing Seonghwa’s clipped tone, carefully setting his fork down beside his plate, and when he glances up at the lieutenant, his gaze is unreadable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel guilty too, you know. For not fighting more, doing more, not being strong enough, for not being the one they took. Seeing… seeing Yeosang’s reaction and Y/N’s reaction — those things make me wish that I had been taken in Wooyoung or San’s place. In Mingi’s place. I know you feel the same way, just as we both wish that we could have taken Hongjoong’s place in the arena.” Seonghwa’s fingers curl into a tight fist against the wood of the table. “I do not want to admit this, and it truly pains my pride to say it, but I do realize the truth of the situation. If things had gone worse for Hongjoong, then you would have lost the most out of everyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Comparing losses is like comparing apples to oranges, Yunho. A loss to me is far different than a loss to you. It isn’t about who loses more.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yet, you would have had to step up and become captain right away. Be on the bridge of the ship alone for the first time in years but with the knowledge that he wouldn’t be coming back. Bury Ho–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it your goal to pain me right now?” Seonghwa asks through gritted teeth. His tone is almost choked in the way it strains in the back of his throat, evidence of how upset the mere thought of Yunho’s words are making him. Yet, for once, you don’t feel as though Yunho is intentionally trying to upset him. As shitty as it may be, you almost think that it is his attempt at an apology. Yes, his ego and pride and a whole slew of other issues that he has have not gone away and are blocking him from providing a proper apology. But his tone is not aggressive or seeking to draw anger out of Seonghwa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not. We both know Hongjoong will awaken and that he will recover. He will be okay, and he’s come back from worse in the past. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t worry, but it allows us to have more confidence this time around. And I know that when he does wake up, your name will be the first on his lips. What Vladimir said before Hongjoong descended into the arena — he mentioned how Hongjoong looks at you like you’re something precious. Still. Even after all this time and everything you’ve been through together, he still looks at you the same way. I merely feel an unreasonable and unruly amount of jealousy when I think about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And that jealousy drives you to overstep boundaries and lines you should not cross.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then we share in that jealousy.” Yunho’s gaze flits up to meet Seonghwa’s across the table. You expect some sort of altercation to unfold between them, but for the time being, they both remain level-headed. The thread keeping Seonghwa tethered is wearing thinner and thinner by the second; you can see it in the way his clenched fist trembles. “He didn’t start coming to me to slight you, Seonghwa. It was never about rubbing it in or trying to hurt you. He only came to me because he </span>
  <em>didn’t </em>
  <span>want to hurt you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thing about love is that no matter how hard you try to force it down, no matter how much you kick and scratch and bite at it in a desperate attempt to push it away, it always comes back with more force than before. The more you fight it, the more it spreads. The thoughts that invade your mind, the memories clinging to your skin like a disease, the emotions curling sharp talons into your heart. So no matter how much Seonghwa claims to love you, he will always be fighting his love for Hongjoong. The same can be said of you and your love for Jisung, or even your care for San. Love is not something you can force out of your heart; it is something that you must gradually grow out of, and you only realize now that all your attempts to run away have made it worse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N, I—” Yunho cuts his thought short to look towards the ceiling. He must have had enough of the conversation with Seonghwa, tone shifting as he changes the topic over to you. “You did not run away even though you had every opportunity to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t give me one now.” Yunho is trying to say that he was wrong, and you can recognize that. Seonghwa surely can as well. If it’s forgiveness he’s after, however, you aren’t inclined to give it to him quite yet. An apology given under the guise of narcissism doesn’t deserve forgiveness, and forgiveness given in that situation would only breed further issues later on down the line. The selfish part of you also just doesn’t want to forgive him yet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The meal continues on in silence for quite some time. You don’t bother with trying to figure out how much time passes exactly; all you know is that the air surrounding the table is terse at best. Things only change when Yunho decides to speak again, although this time it’s to drop bombshell information that you could never have predicted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know my mother was murdered here on Kebos.” He doesn’t look up from his plate, but both you and Seonghwa again jerk to stare in his direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought she died of illness,” Seonghwa whispers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She did. The illness was poison. Poison administered by one Vladimir the Bloody.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I — Yunho, I had no idea th—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was my job, my duty, my </span>
  <em>responsibility</em>
  <span> to heal her. I knew what to do, I knew how to heal her, how to extract the poison from her body, and I couldn’t do it. Every case I take on is a selfish attempt for me to reconcile those mistakes. To, if nothing else, prove to myself that I am not the failure who watched on as his mother died because he was too weak to save her. I didn’t save my mother, I didn’t keep Mingi from killing his father, and I didn’t save Cass. I broke Jongho’s trust, failed Y/N when she confronted me with the truth, and I cannot count on one hand the amount of times that I’ve failed you, Seonghwa. I’m not asking you to pity me or feel sorry for me. When I first woke up and started treating Hongjoong, you begged me to save him. I do not fear Vladimir taking another life from me. I fear not being able to do the job that is expected of me when the going gets rough.” Yunho drops his hands to the table, letting his palms lie flat against the wood. “I don’t care what you think of me. Whether you find me to be selfish and egotistical — that does not matter to me. I just refuse to let you look at me like I’m still that failure who is helpless and naive. I see it enough when I look in the mirror.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa inhales sharply as Yunho speaks but does not make an effort to come up with any sort of reply until well after the healer has stopped talking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Never once have I thought you to be a failure, Yunho,” he mutters. “Nor have I ever despised you. All my anger is directed at myself and Hongjoong. I never wanted you to get dragged into that, but things just happened this way. It’s unavoidable when we all work in such close quarters day in and day out.” Seonghwa sighs and drops his chin to his chest. A hesitant hand reaches up to comb through his dark hair, pushing it off his forehead, then that same hand drops down to his side. “You two should eat quickly. I’m meeting with someone here soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, the man we found with your bodies initially. I asked to question him about what he saw, if he has anything we can use to find the others, and he agreed to meet me here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Consider me gone,” Yunho sighs, leaning away from the table. “I need to check on Hongjoong and dress his wounds again. And have a chat with Yeosang if he’s any less… hysterical.” Seonghwa offers a hasty nod. Yunho continues pushing away from the table until he’s on his feet, and he doesn’t wait for you to move before he walks up the stairs and out of sight. A hand drops onto your thigh, not searching for anything more than the small contact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would not be opposed to you staying here with me during this meeting.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think this person might try something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I doubt he would be so bold as to do that. It’s just that… well, your presence brings me peace.” Seonghwa whispers the words under his breath as though they’re meant for your ears only.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because of what we are,” you state even though it was initially meant to be a question. Seonghwa huffs out a quiet laugh and shakes his head a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what you would like to believe, then yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s hand falls away from your thigh. At first, you think you’ve done or said something wrong, but the way his back straightens and eyes grow cold tells you that it is something else entirely. You follow his line of sight to the door to the hostel, catching the way it swishes open, and a hooded figure steps through. It must be the man Seonghwa saw in the arena, but you can’t quite catch his face through the harsh shadows his hood casts over his face. Some odd feeling twists in your gut as he moves towards your table, like you already know what is about to happen, and yet that still cannot prepare you for it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because when the man slides into the spot where Yunho just sat and tugs his green cloak back to expose his face, you truly feel as though you have entered some strange distortion of reality.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t believe I introduced myself when we last met, Lieutenant of Death,” he says, tone as clear and teasing as the day you met him all those years ago. “My name is Jisung. Han Jisung. I hope you’ll remember it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure I will,” Seonghwa exhales through a tight smile. He motions towards you, eyes remaining glued to Jisung’s features as he speaks again. “This is—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N L/N, Ghost of Eros. Oh, where to begin with her repertoire? Best sniper in the military of Eros. Assassin of the King of Eros. One of six members in Unit 24, a reconnaissance and extermination team operating under the esteemed military of Eros. Recruit number 17. Little lady, perhaps?” He smiles at you with every passing word. </span>
  <em>Smiles</em>
  <span> like not a day has passed and nothing has changed between the two of you. Round cheeks balling up with the same joy they always did in the past, and you nearly believe that time has frozen for the two of you when you see it. Seonghwa brings you back to reality, eyes wide and flashing confusing as he glances between Jisung’s smiling face and your more solemn one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You two… do you know each other?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Han Jisung, otherwise known in the past as the assassin and reconnaissance specialist of Unit 24. Recruit number 41.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa inhales so sharply that the air whistles through his teeth. His gaze is on you, and you can feel it so intensely that you almost want to burst into tears to alleviate some of the pressure in your head. You have reached the point of no return, chest so tight with emotion that you somehow feel nothing at all when you blink back at Jisung. It haunts you — the mere fact that you are looking at the man who once held your whole existence in the palm of his hand as though he means absolutely nothing to you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A hand slips back over your thigh, searching for your own desperately, and you know Seonghwa just wants to offer whatever comfort he can right now. The damage is already done. The dam is already broken. And your words spill forth with a reckless abandon that you never imagined you could muster up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You knocked me to the ground and injected me with some sort of potent anesthesia. Whoever the hell was with you in that tunnel did the same to my four crewmates. When I woke up, it was to find that two of those crewmates are </span>
  <em>gone</em>
  <span>. You’re smart enough to realize how bad that looks for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I do,” Jisung says, tone falling quiet, and his smile droops a bit at the corners. Seonghwa levels him with a suspicious glare, but he doesn’t add anything more for the time being. “I hardly expected this to go over well, but all I can do is plea that you hear me out. My boss — the man I now work for asked for two people to be brought out of that arena. The Brute of Kebos and the Ghost of Eros.” Your throat turns to sandpaper, and Seonghwa’s hand clenches harshly around your leg. Jisung’s lips twitch as he grins a little wider. “You know I’ve never been good at following orders, especially when they come from a leader I can’t see directly. I have two superiors — my boss and my captain. My captain is the one who dispatched me and my three crewmates to take care of the mission. I have never met or seen my boss; I don’t know his name, his face, anything about him. That made it easy to decide what to do, because as soon as I heard ‘Ghost of Eros’, I knew I wouldn’t be able to take you. So, when I went into that tunnel and saw you with four other people, I made a spur of the moment decision to take two others under the guise that… that we simply could not find the Ghost of Eros, but we brought two others instead.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You used my crew as a </span>
  <em>bargaining chip</em>
  <span>?” Seonghwa seethes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To protect Y/N, yes. I know that if it meant protecting your crew, you would do the same.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s jaw stutters, but he is unable to come up with any sort of reasonable or logical response. Jisung is </span>
  <em>right</em>
  <span>, and you all know it. That doesn’t keep your rage from overflowing, although it isn’t directed at the man across the table. More than that, ti’s what he said. That his boss — whoever that may be — wanted </span>
  <em>you</em>
  <span>, and because of </span>
  <em>you</em>
  <span>, both Wooyoung and San were taken. Guilt sweeps over your whole body, overtakes your senses in less than a second, and before you know it, your vision blurs with unshed tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should have fucking let them have me,” you spit before a dry sob tears through your throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Because of you, your team fell to pieces and broke apart. Juyeon abandoned his best friend. Soojin left the only family she had. Ash lost all the people he looked up to. Jisung gave up everything. And Hyunwoo walked to his death.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t you let them have me? What were you </span>
  <em>thinking</em>
  <span>? That you couldn’t set me free at some point on the way back to your boss? That I couldn’t fucking protect myself? Why would you take </span>
  <em>them</em>
  <span> in my place?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because of you, Wooyoung was taken. San was taken. The light of Yeosang’s life is gone. All your past mistakes rush back to greet you, reflected in the face of the man before you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even after all this time, you would always be my priority.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa snakes his hand around your back, fingers dancing over your spine as he lifts it to brush against the base of your neck. You wish that the action would bring you comfort, that it would do something to alleviate the burning pain spreading through your chest, yet it does nothing except make your tears roll over the balls of your cheeks. Jisung’s brows knit together as he watches you cry. He stretches a hand halfway across the table and stops there, unsure about going the rest of the way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I had known what they meant to you… I’m sorry, Y/N.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you had known what they meant to me, you still would have done it.” Jisung shifts his jaw at your words, eyes blinking away from yours and confirming what you already know to be true. There’s another question on your lips, one that you desperately want to ask but can’t bring yourself to speak into existence, so it dies in the back of your throat with your cries. Seonghwa’s fingers continue their methodical drags over the base of your neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That is true, yes, but — but now it means that I can help you get them back. All of them, including the Brute of Kebos.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s the catch?” Seonghwa inquires. Jisung wets his lips then presses them tightly together before speaking again. His gaze falls on you, the soft gleam in them taking you back to a starlit night full of cherrywood and sugar and the taste of honey and vanilla on your tongue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to retire from this life of… constant running and fighting and following orders. I want to do something for myself, but someone made me a promise a few years ago. To retire with me, move here on Kebos, and put that life behind us. If I’m going to help you, I need a surefire promise that after we get them back, Y/N will come back to Kebos with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That is not a deal I can agree to. Not without having time to discuss it with both Y/N and my captain—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you not the acting captain, Park Seonghwa? I saw the extent of the damage done in that arena, most delivered by none other than the Brute of Kebos. You can’t tell me that he will be up anytime soon, and I doubt your friends can wait that long for an agreement on your part.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t – don’t drag him into this,” you mutter, trying to keep your tone as flat as possible. “I’ll do it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N, </span>
  <em>no</em>
  <span>.” Seonghwa blinks down at you. His eyes are wide and glassy, and even just those two words convey more emotion than you thought possible. He said he was afraid to lose both you and Hongjoong. What about when it comes to choosing between </span>
  <em>three</em>
  <span> crewmates – people he’s been with for years now – and you, someone he’s only known for months. It isn’t a decision you would wish on anyone. You don’t know what you would do in such a position. You do know that you would rather see yourself back in a prison cell for treason than let Wooyoung, San, and Mingi be taken to some god-forsaken place. As Seonghwa once said, sacrifice and trust go hand in hand. Now, he needs to trust that this is the best decision you can make and let you make it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You love her,” Jisung states, drawing Seonghwa’s gaze off you for a moment. “What is love compared to duty? Would it keep you from agreeing to my help, something invaluable in this situation?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You would do well not to romanticize love in such a way otherwise you will be sorely disillusioned. Love contains the freedom to choose what you want without the other person making any decision for you. Hence why if this is what Y/N wants to agree to, then I will compromise for her.” There lies a hidden meaning in Seonghwa’s words. They aren’t just meant to defend himself and explain his reasoning, but criticize Jisung for what lies behind his bargain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love means keeping promises as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those words bring a dramatic halt to your tears, causing anger to bubble up in your gut as you process them, and all you can think is how fucking </span>
  <em>hypocritical</em>
  <span> it is of him to say such a thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t subject me to a life without you in it, Jisung.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I could never. I love you far too much to do that.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Promise me that you won’t.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I swear on my life that I’ll never leave you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why did you not keep the ones you made me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was told that you were going to </span>
  <em>die</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you had truly believed that… If our positions had been swapped, I would have at least stayed and done something to stop it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose that’s where we have our differences then. I trusted Hyunwoo enough to believe him when he told me you were both slated to die and that I should leave. But you’ve always had a problem with trust, haven’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s best if you stop talking before you ruin your chances of walking out of here alive,” Seonghwa retorts before you can come up with a response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t dare kill me when I’m the only one who can help right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, but I can hurt you just enough to leave you within of life and force the information out of you. I do not wear the mantle of ‘Lieutenant of Death’ for show. Although, if you truly believe that it’s merely a farce, I would be more than happy to show you how I got the title. You have what you want. She’s agreed to this deal of yours, which means it’s now on you to uphold your end of the bargain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisung regards the man with nothing more than a wavering glance for several seconds. Then he drops his head, a messy mop of blond hair falling forward to cover his forehead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can meet you here again tomorrow morning, but it’s too late to be going out right now. My guess is that your captain will need at least three days before he can even be well enough to move to your ship.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It will only take him two. He’s a determined son of a bitch after all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course he is. I’d expect nothing less from someone of his notoriety. Tomorrow, I can bring information concerning where they’ve taken your crew as well as what they intend to do with them, if I can. Boss has been pretty mum about his intentions, but I can at least figure out what they’ll do with two he didn’t ask for.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Won’t your captain be suspicious of your absence?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My captain is none other than Vladimir the Bloody. He doesn’t care to keep tabs on his men when they aren’t working a job for him. My job is complete. All that’s left for me to do is report back on the status of the mission. After that… I can easily eavesdrop on his conversations with the boss. I’m a Spectre, after all, and a damn good one at that. I’ll do my part. You have my word.” Jisung pushes himself up from the table, stepping over the bench and turning around to face you again in one move. “Y/N, if there had been any other way to get you out of there, I would have done it in a heartbeat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You answer him with silence. Your bloodshot eyes avoid his features like the plague. You only decide to look at the place where he just stood when you hear a door swishing, and it’s empty when your gaze falls upon it. Seonghwa’s hand slips down to meet yours. He intertwines his fingers through yours without saying anything, offering a silent plea for you to follow him when he too stands up. And you do. You let him pull you to your feet and up the stairs without complaint, even when he stops in front of a new door and guides you inside. It’s a single bedroom, much different than the one you woke up in, and Seonghwa parts from you there with a gentle kiss to your forehead and a whispered promise that he will be right back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You hardly process a thing as you fall to your side on the bed and tuck your legs up into your chest so that you are curled into the most fetal position you can manage. The darkness in the room adds to your dazed state, shadows blur together into almost human-like forms in the edges of your vision, and you find yourself drifting back in time until your surroundings feel a lot more like that hotel in Echidna where San laid his soul bare before you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A shaky hand reaches across the darkness to brush over the mattress as though San will appear under your fingers if you do so. He wouldn’t have been taken if not for you. Why won’t that thought leave your mind? The guilt that eats away at your stomach is far too much; it physically hurts you with every breath you heave, and your breaths rasp into the empty air before you. Fingers tighten around the linen sheets. The shadows almost come to a rest before you, almost morph into a face that is recognizable, </span>
  <em>so close</em>
  <span> to a dimpled smile and cat-like eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Please be okay. Please be alive. I don’t know what I would do if you aren’t okay.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The voice doesn’t startle you or cause you to shift in the slightest. Every muscle in your body feels ten times heavier than before. Seonghwa slips into the empty space before you, causing that shadowy figure vaguely resembling San to dissipate into thin air. Whatever spell was binding you to the silence shatters, and you choke out a fresh sob. Seonghwa catches your wrist and tugs you into his embrace without hesitation. You can only press your forehead against his chest as tears begin to fall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t your fault, Y/N. I promise,” he murmurs, chin coming to rest atop your head. “You didn’t make them get taken, you aren’t the reason why they were taken. That decision… it was not yours. Jisung is the one responsible for that, not you. And he is paying for that choice by helping get them back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is an elephant in the room. One so large and intruding that it occupies most of your thoughts as you listen to Seonghwa speak. You choose to continue avoiding it, running from him, pushing it back to the deepest recesses of your mind while you can.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m t-tired of running from the – the past only for it to r-repeat itself,” you stutter through choked sobs. Seonghwa’s hold tightens around you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, Y/N. I know you are. I am too. But I understand. We are going to get this. All of us, with not one person left behind or forgotten.” His chin shifts until you feel his lips caressing the curve of your ear, hand tangled deep in your hair. “I’m here, I’m with you. I’m not going anywhere. For now. For as long as it lasts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When you first asked him to make that promise, you did not think that your time together would be so impossibly short, but now it truly feels like there is a ticking time bomb surrounding everything about you two.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you ask him to make a different deal?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because it was your choice, Y/N. I hate the mere thought of having to trade you for — I hate it. Yet if this is what you truly want… if you have a chance to rest peacefully at last with someone you love, who am I to deprive you of that? That is all I could ever want for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop me from doing it, Seonghwa,” you cry weakly. A pathetic whimper slips past your lips as you pull your head away from his chest to look him in the eye, and you are startled now because nothing could have prepared you for the sight before you. Tears paint the smooth skin of his cheeks, leaving ugly streaks down the side of his nose. “Make me stay. Please, I-I won’t stay otherwise. If nothing else just – just make me stay because I’m a Siren, because Hongjoong needs me, because </span>
  <em>you</em>
  <span> need me. Be selfish, please, I’m begging you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was selfish enough to have you as long as I did.” He smiles through the whisper. Not a happy or content smile, not one that brings you comfort, not one that blossoms a warmth in your chest. It’s one that takes your heart right out of your chest and squeezes it so painfully that you cannot breathe. “We can find another Siren. There are always others out there but this? This could be your only chance to have a normal and peaceful life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want it. I don’t want normal or peaceful, I don’t want to </span>
  <em>go</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think that deep down in your heart, you know that this is what you want. What you’ve always wanted. A chance to be free of expectations and pain. I would do anything to give you that opportunity, yet maybe Hongjoong and I are meant for each other simply because of what we are at the end of the day. Scourge of the Black Sea and the Lieutenant of Death. San told me that you have pardon papers. You can use those to clear you—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But they aren’t for me! They aren’t for me. I don’t want – I don’t deserve to be the one who is pardoned. What makes me more deserving than the man who died for me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, darling, if you could see yourself through my eyes, you would know that you are the most deserving person in the universe.” Seonghwa cups your cheek so gently, with such care, and holds you as though you are delicate and </span>
  <em>precious</em>
  <span>. “I know my fate, Y/N. It is to die amongst the black sea at my captain’s side. I do not think that is meant to be your fate though.” If you could possibly cry any harder than you are, you truly would. It is hard enough to breathe as it is, sobs continuing to tumble from your lips as Seonghwa keeps on holding you in the palm of his hand. “I’m sorry. I would do anything for you, but I cannot force you to stay. That is the one thing I cannot bring myself to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You crash your lips against Seonghwa’s in a mess of salty tears and saliva, teeth clashing with his, but he’s right there with you, gasping into your mouth as a quiet sob slips through his previously unbroken visage. There is no more strength left in your body. You don’t have it in you to continue the kiss, and you can barely keep your eyes open at this point. When Seonghwa pulls his mouth away from yours, you can’t even chase him for another kiss, letting him slip a hand behind your head and tuck you into his shoulder. Hot breath ghosts down the back of your neck. You cling to it as desperately as you can like it’s the last bit of warmth you will ever be able to have from him, even though you know deep down that that is not true. He carries you into a deep sleep like that, and it is a sleep that awakens new dreams in you with new and haunting implications to them that you won’t be able to explain come morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>Panic surges through your veins, startling you into a state of consciousness, but when your eyes open you can only see dark shadows in your vision. You aren’t alone. You know that much thanks to the steady sounds of breathing around you – at least two people with you, wherever it is you are. There is a strange sensation about your body, one that you recognize from your previous visit to the Dreamscape, but you cannot see well enough to stare down at your body and figure out what it is. Two shaky hands dart up to your neck, clasping around something terribly cold and metal. It’s a collar of sorts, and it refuses to budge even a centimeter as you try to yank at it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A finger slips under the ridge of the metal. You brush over the cold skin there only to find a blossoming scar across your neck, one that spreads no matter how far you move your hand along the collar. You jerk your hand out from under it with a growing feeling of disgust churning in your stomach. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>In the very least, your eyes are starting to adjust to the darkness, and you can make out the two figures with you. One sits off in the furthest corner of whatever cell you’re being held in. Broad shoulders slumped forward and showing unconsciousness, but you can detect the faintest scent of blood coming from him. The other is closer to you, only an arm’s length away from you, but his head faces away from you so you can’t make out any of his features. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You dare to reach out to him, forcing your tired muscles into action as you drag yourself closer to him. Even through the darkness, your hands look far too masculine to belong to you, but you hardly have time to think about that when you pull the man to face you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A strip of white in his hair. Unmistakeable features, even in the dark. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>San.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You stumble back with a gasp, head hitting the metal wall behind you so hard that your vision goes spotty for several seconds. You still can’t see straight as you force yourself towards the other man in the corner. Hands fumble over his collar, jerking and pulling until his head falls forward into your waiting hands. Fluttering lashes pull his eyes open. Red eyes. Close-cut hair on the sides, blood trickling down the side of his temple. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Mingi.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You lose all control of your body — if you can even call it your body. Something else takes over, something pushes its way forward and assumes full control when Mingi fully comes to and squints at you. Off to the side, San is waking up as well, a soft grunt falling from his lips that has the body you’re in darting back over to where he’s hunched.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“San, are you okay?” The words aren’t yours. The voice is foreign but not quite, only odd because it feels like it is coming from your lips. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>You can remember it now. The face in the water was not your own. It was Wooyoung’s. You remember it oh so clearly because it scared you so much the moment you saw it. You were in the Dreamscape yet you were in Wooyoung’s body.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>San blinks himself to full consciousness, squinting harshly through the dark to look at you better.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Wooyoung?”</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hi yes welcome. welcome. to the finale of act four. welcome yes wow can you believe it? i can’t um yeah so !!! a TON happened! let me know what you think, how you feel, how much you hate me! i love to see it! that ending tho 👁👁</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Act Four - Part 8.5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>note: all interim chapters are optional to read and you do not have to read them if you don’t want to. it is advised that you read the interim chapters after completing all the chapters in the act rather than reading them based off number order. they are based around the relationships between the crew and interactions they share. They are indicated with [x.5], x being the number of the part that came before it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You need rest too, Seonghwa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Said lieutenant lets his eyes flutter open at the sound of the voice, and he shifts to glance back at the person who just entered the room. It’s Jongho rather than Yunho for once; the damn healer won’t quit popping in to chastise Seonghwa for his less than stellar sleeping habits, but the lieutenant could not care less to be frank. If it’s for his captain, he would do whatever it takes no matter the sacrifice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you just come back from visiting Yeosang?” Seonghwa inquires instead of addressing the issue at hand. He pulls back a bit from Hongjoong’s bedside, knees scraping hard on the floor in a way that should burn, but his legs have long since gone somewhat numb. It’s a pointless pursuit really because Jongho already saw him pressed so close to Hongjoong’s side with both hands clasped over one of his captain’s clammy and cold ones. Still, it offers at least a bit of peace of mind to turn away and look at someone who is both conscious and responsive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did, yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And? How is he today?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho sways his head from side to side for a moment. Seonghwa doesn’t need to be a genius to understand what that means, but it does help in deciphering the lingering emotion behind Jongho’s red eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That bad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could say he was better today but… nightmares.” Jongho inhales sharply. Perhaps Seonghwa should be the one tending to Yeosang’s mental state, but there is a bit of hesitance there because he feels quite a bit of failure himself when he looks at the Elitist. Once upon a time, he had sworn on pain of death that he would take care of Wooyoung and help keep him safe. He failed beautifully at doing even that simple task. Just as he failed you in his promises to keep you safe. As well as the endless promises he gave to Hongjoong about protecting him from harm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe that is the one thing Seonghwa is doomed to fail at time and time again without cease. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, this burden is a lot to put on Jongho’s shoulders, especially as a Berserker and especially since he lost someone himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you? Are you having nightmares as well?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bold of you to assume that I’m even sleeping,” Jongho quips in response without a drop of hesitation. It stabs a deep gash into Seonghwa’s heart, one the emanates off his shoulders in waves. No doubt Jongho can feel that pain, but he doesn’t let his features shift in the slightest. “But no, I’m not having nightmares. Mingi is… I trust him. I know what he’s capable of and how much he’s willing to fight not only for himself but also for the crew. He is stronger than he knows, and his protective instincts are stronger than the bloodthirsty ones. He will keep them safe, and he’ll keep himself safe in the process. I’ve been sleeping on the couch in Yeosang’s room to help when he wakes up from the nightmares. Hard to sleep when he can barely go ten minutes without having bad dreams.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” Seonghwa exhales, and he needs no further explanation than that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It is something Jongho used to do for San as well: stay in the young man’s room not long after the mutiny happened because the trauma and horrifying memories that the event resurfaced for San were nearly too much to bear. Jongho stayed in there for several months just to keep the man sane through the night. Seonghwa has never been on the receiving end of Jongho’s comfort, but he has seen the impact of it. Allowing someone to come so close to your heart and trauma is a special thing already, but having someone feel everything you feel while going through those traumatic memories is far more intimate. Despite his all too keen ability to help the crew through moments of emotional turmoil, Jongho rarely remembers to look after himself as well. He still absorbs those negative and overwhelming feelings, but he conceals the pains that he is left with as not to worry anyone. Seonghwa has watched the boy grow up — he knows him well enough to pick the pieces of his cracked shell away and see what’s underneath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ought to sleep here tonight.” It isn’t an offer or something to be considered. Seonghwa might phrase it as one, but the command is in his tone and on his lips. “I’ll sleep in Yeosang’s room in case he wakes up from nightmares.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is not up for discussion, Jongho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what I was going to say,” the Berserker argues, leveling Seonghwa with a pointed glare. “I’ll ask Yunho to sleep in there tonight, if that’s what will make you feel better. But Hongjoong… Captain could wake up at any minute, and if your face isn’t the first he sees—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s enough, Jongho.” Seonghwa doesn’t quite like the implication behind that comment. There are too many emotions tied to it, too many past memories that should stay buried in that, and Seonghwa has to swallow to push the growing lump in his throat down. “That will work fine, as long as you give yourself a night off to actually rest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We didn’t leave these empty cots in here for no reason,” Jongho tries again. “At least try to sleep some tonight, if nothing else. We need everyone at high alert for whatever is to come out of this shady ass Spectre and the recovery mission.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay… okay, I’ll rest too,” Seonghwa relents. Jongho has a point, but the Berserker has always been both quick with his wits and on his feet. Perhaps if Hongjoong doesn’t awaken then —</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That thought comes out of the blue, intrudes on his mind, and leaves him choked. Seonghwa clasps a shaky hand over his mouth as a gasp slips out. There is no hiding the sudden wave of emotions that washes over him, not with Jongho in the room, and the Berserker rushes forward to meet Seonghwa on the floor. His knees hit the wood so roughly that it hurts Seonghwa’s ears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The easiest thing to do would be to get rid of the weak link and ascend to power.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa can’t help but slam the heel of his hand down roughly on his temple. It is enough to drive that maddening voice in his head away for now, although moderately concerning to the man kneeling across from him. These thoughts come too easily these days; without Hongjoong there to keep him grounded with constant reminders, Seonghwa finds his hold on the thin thread losing strength with each passing second. Maybe that’s why he can’t truly rest, because he is in the same boat as Yeosang in terms of nightmares. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa…” Jongho’s voice holds warning in it, but the older man pushes that concern to the side and fixes his gaze on the young Berserker.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know you can’t lie to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I also know that there is nothing you can do for me, Jongho,” Seonghwa murmurs the words through a smile, and Jongho’s gaze turns almost melancholic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could take it away,” he says, daring to look the lieutenant in the eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong gave you orders not to do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve done it for San in the past. I… did it for Y/N once without her knowing too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was different, Jongho.” Seonghwa pushes a new resolution into his stare, hoping that it will be enough to dissuade the man. “The emotional and mental pain it would cause you is not something we need right now. Do not think to do it to me now, and certainly do not think to do it to Yeosang either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho shakes his head a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang will be okay. I trust that. As awful as the nightmares are, it eases a bit to see Wooyoung even for a few seconds in his dreams. You on the other hand…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Is he weak in Jongho’s eyes? Is that it? Seonghwa lets his gaze drop to the floor, then quickly pushes himself up to his full height. His legs are a bit wobbly at first thanks to how long he had been kneeling before Hongjoong’s cot, but he manages not to make a fool of himself and fall over on the spot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m perfectly okay, and I will be even better when Hongjoong wakes up. Now please go get some rest.” Jongho exhales a deep sigh but doesn’t fight the lieutenant’s words. Just as he is turning on his heel to leave the room though, a new thought flashes across Seonghwa’s mind, and he calls out after Jongho to stop him. “Also, Jongho — if you could please check in with Y/N, just to see how she is? I think… I think the combination of seeing a person from her past and the stress of the others being gone is weighing on her more than she claims.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I was going to head over there regardless.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If the relief shows on Seonghwa’s features, Jongho decides not to comment on it and leaves without any further ado. Seonghwa doesn’t turn back to look at Hongjoong’s reclining body until the door snaps shut behind Jongho. The silence that returns is thick and palpable, almost choking the lieutenant with its strength. He weaves around the side of the empty cot beside Hongjoong’s and nudges it carefully forward until the bed lies directly beside where his captain lies. Yunho will surely make his rounds again later, but Seonghwa cannot find it in him to care, even if his actions are grossly pathetic and pitiful on many levels. He doesn’t want to think about how sad it must look to see the renowned Lieutenant of Death stooping so low as to lie beside his captain simply because he cannot handle this prolonged unconsciousness. He isn’t sure there has ever been a period of time like this before where Hongjoong was absent in such a way, not since before Seonghwa met him at least. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa slips onto the cold and empty cot, tugging the blanket atop back so he can situate himself underneath, and once he’s fully reclined, he dares to let himself look over Hongjoong’s features. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Relaxed and calm for once. Too often does he see the man with brows knit together in concern and worry. This is a welcome change, even if it comes with having to see scratches and bruises on Hongjoong’s otherwise flawless visage. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa twists onto his side and faces the man before stretching a hesitant hand out to comb Hongjoong’s unkempt hair down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Get rid of the weak link.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There goes that nagging voice again. Seonghwa has to remind himself that it isn’t him necessarily; rather it is the result of amassing rumors and things people have made him out to be over the years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hongjoong is many things, but weak is not and could never be one of them.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>People call Seonghwa the Lieutenant of Death for a reason, and sometimes he lets himself be consumed by their words and beliefs. According to Hongjoong, that is what caused that little voice to rise and gain power in Seonghwa’s mind. The lieutenant has found himself thinking about the initial conversation that happened well over a year ago more and more these past few days. It is that same memory that comes over him and lives in his dreams when his eyelids finally droop. Seonghwa falls asleep with his hand falling to rest over the steady rise and fall of Hongjoong’s chest, right over where his heart beats on and on beneath the confines of his body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you… do you ever get that voice in your head? The inhumane one who can only be cruel?” Seonghwa asks, tone shaky and unsteady as he presents the question to Hongjoong. The young captain stands across the room with hands trailing over his shelves in search of one book in particular, but Seonghwa’s question stops him in his tracks. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes. Always. More often than not, I listen to it. Kim Hongjoong is not the Scourge of the Black Sea. They are two separate entities — one is merely a captain trying to do what he can for his crew. The other is a monster, cold and heartless who does not know the meaning of mercy or kindness. He kills for sport because it’s fun, easy, ruthless. It’s what he is good at. He works towards a revenge that can never be achieved.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s not true, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa insists through a slight sigh. He lets his weight fall onto the edge of Hongjoong’s desk, arms coming up to cross over his chest in a way that is meant to chastise his captain, but the other man barely spares him a glance. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, but it is what people believe me to be. And if I cave in to their desires and believe them for even a second, then that nasty voice in my head wins. I will be all those things and more. But most of all, I will lose everything I have worked towards all these years. I will lose all the care I have for this crew, the passion and determination I have for my goal, the sheer will to keep on living. The Scourge of the Black Sea has no need for anything of those things, but Kim Hongjoong does. I have to remind myself of that every single day to keep from losing my mind.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s all it takes?” Seonghwa’s tone holds a certain suspension of disbelief to it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you Park Seonghwa or are you my Lieutenant of Death?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I am yours. Whatever that entails.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That catches Hongjoong a bit off-guard, and the man actually sputters and fumbles with his next words upon hearing Seonghwa’s quick-spoken statement. He recovers just as quickly though, not leaving any further cracks in his composure, and steps closer to where Seonghwa leans against the desk. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Allow me to rephrase that question then.” Hongjoong keeps moving forward until there is minimal space left between their bodies, and Seonghwa tries not to be haughty in the way he has to look down to meet his captain’s gaze. “Are you merely what others make you out to be? Or is the Seonghwa who stands in front of me now more than that? More than a bloodthirsty and heartless grunt who cannot think for himself. A failed soldier who is only good at following orders. Someone so cruel that even death itself would turn his back in shame because of the destruction you leave in your wake. Is that the Seonghwa I know?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Never,” Seonghwa whispers into the space between them. Hongjoong squints a little and presses ever closer. The elder of the two can feel the other’s breath panting hard against his own lips, and the sensation sends chills down his spine and leaves goosebumps to trail over his arms. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Never,” Hongjoong echoes through a small smile. “Because my Park Seonghwa is one who is kind and compassionate. A person who loves without fail or error, forgives with too much ease, cares for others more than he cares for himself. Cherishes the loyal and spurns the betrayers. Looks for the good in others yet is quickest to judge himself in times of distress. My Park Seonghwa gives… and gives without even thinking to stop something for himself, and should he ever do what is necessary for his own good, he calls it selfish desire. So no, you are not my Lieutenant of Death. And as long as you remember that, remember why you are not and can never be that entity — that monster who resides deep in your heart and soul — that voice will never win. It will never take over. You will never be what they make you out to be.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I cannot remember that without you, Joong,” Seonghwa murmurs. Perhaps he lets too much emotion slip into his tone or he is overstepping his boundaries in their little </span>
  </em>
  <span>hierarchy</span>
  <em>
    <span>. Hongjoong doesn’t chastise him or ridicule him for the words, though.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And luckily for you, we spend nearly every minute together. I will — I’ll remind you of it however often you need me to.” Hongjoong draws his lower lip between his teeth and chews at the skin a few times. “I trust you to remind me that I am more than my failures, as you have done so every day since the mutiny.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The mutiny. They don’t discuss that event. It is too raw, too emotional, too sensitive for Hongjoong. How long has it been now? Three months? Two? Most definitely two, maybe less. It isn’t that Seonghwa doesn’t understand why it is a touchy subject — he merely learned early on not to grow too attached to people in his life. He supposes he is making a mockery of that lesson as he looks deep into Hongjoong’s dark eyes and regards the man with so much care and affection. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hongjoong begins to drop his chin, but Seonghwa is quicker, hands stretching out to cup the man’s face just under his jaw. He isn’t sure why exactly he does that; something comes over him and causes him to reach out. Hongjoong blinks back at him with wide eyes. The lights in the room reflect off those dark orbs and make Seonghwa see stars in them.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seonghwa doesn’t realize that his jaw is hanging open until his mouth goes dry, and he chokes on a parched throat as he tries to swallow around nothing. Hongjoong pushes the flat of his hand to Seonghwa’s chest. For a moment, the older man thinks he is trying to push him away and he starts to withdraw his hands, but the Hongjoong pushes ever closer until his knees push between Seonghwa’s.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You were the first to trust me. The first to join me. The only one who didn’t look down on me. You didn’t treat me like a slave, didn’t amount me to being a former slave, nor did you judge me when you learned of my true class. You, Park Seonghwa, who had nothing in life but a will to live, gave me everything. I may not be able to give you the same in return, but I don’t take that sacrifice lightly.” Seonghwa’s jaw stutters as he tries to come up with the right words to say. All his mind can do is repeat ‘I’m not him, I never will be, I cannot be what he was, I cannot replace him’.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m not Jin,” he says without thinking, and that causes Hongjoong to draw back all of a sudden. Seonghwa’s hands slip away from his face. He draws back so much that the space between their bodies is suddenly infinite, and Seonghwa regrets speaking so fucking much that the sensation nearly cripples him. “Hongjoong, that’s not — I didn’t mean—”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Perhaps I have done something wrong along the way if you truly believe that is all I would amount you to,” Hongjoong bites out, cutting off the apology on Seonghwa’s lips. “I do not think you to be a replacement of any kind. Yes, Jin and I had a special relationship, we were close, I trusted him. But you, Seonghwa, you have always been more. I told you that when I asked you to be my Lieutenant. You asked why I chose you over him and maybe it is just as simple as the fact that I trust you.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hongjoong heaves a deep breath and shifts to blink at the ceiling. Seonghwa gnaws on the inside of his cheek with shame burning his neck and face. When Hongjoong speaks again, he draws closer to Seonghwa once more, this time with more haste and force. He grips Seonghwa’s chin harshly between his fingers, squeezing the skin so hard that it stings a bit. Seonghwa doesn’t dare to move under the captain’s touch though; he lets Hongjoong yank him down to be eye level and stares back without blinking. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You are treasure, Seonghwa. You have always been a treasure to me, since long before I ever learned that you’re a Siren. Before you, I had nothing to live for or protect except a desperate need for revenge.” Hongjoong’s eyes glisten now. Seonghwa can’t recall even a single instance where he saw the man cry, not even in the aftermath of the mutiny, and that shatters his resolve more than anything else. “I came to want to protect you. And as the crew grew, you taught me to care for them as well, to protect them and cherish them. Jin never taught me that, you did. My Park Seonghwa, my lieutenant, my treasure.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seonghwa can’t help himself. He brushes the pads of his fingers over Hongjoong’s cheek as though to merely confirm that the man is real and standing before him. Before he can blink, Hongjoong twists his neck and presses a soft kiss to those lingering fingers. Seonghwa finds himself stunned into a frozen state. The man before him keeps kissing along the length of his fingers, his free hand pulling up to interlock their fingers when he reaches the bend of Seonghwa’s wrist. It is certainly not their first kiss — they shared many fumbling and awkward and meaningless attempts at kisses in their early years along with several small drunken pecks that were given merely as comfort and nothing more. They never had much emotion tied to them, not any romantic ones in the very least. Some went just like this, some were ghosting touches on the head or nose or cheek or even on the lips, few and far between but they certainly added up over the years.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hongjoong pulls Seonghwa down the rest of the way. When their lips collide, the taste is salty and wet on Seonghwa’s tongue, but he doesn’t stop to think about that. Instead, he throws his arms about Hongjoong’s waist and pulls him to his chest as though to kiss the tears away just like this. Seonghwa hates to say that this one feels different because it could just be something meant to comfort each other now. It could only be different because Hongjoong cries against him now, hands dropping to fumble and grasp at Seonghwa’s shoulders and back as he tries to lessen the already minimal space between their bodies. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They have to pull apart because Hongjoong sobs into Seonghwa’s mouth, and the latter detaches their lips so they can catch their breath. Rather than hiding his face, Hongjoong blinks furiously against the tears and stares Seonghwa directly in the eye without shame or insecurity. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You once swore to stay by my side for eternity. I never answered you then but I will now, and I won’t ask you to stay or demand that you do that. Whether I live or die, however this journey ends, whether we succeed or fail, I will do it with you no matter what. We do this together or not at all. Whatever together means — should it be as simple as you being on the crew and not caring for me in the slightest, or with you at my side like this.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>God, that hurts so much. It burns Seonghwa’s chest and leaves him with a deep gash that festers and boils over. He can’t bring himself to say anything in response. He knows his own tears are ready to spill down the balls of his cheeks, so rather than making them fall faster by trying to speak, he merely tugs Hongjoong back to him and seals their lips together once more. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hi :3 surprise :3 guess who :3 seongjoong time :3 insight time :3 hints and bread crumb trail throughout :3 im playing but fr there are hints there are insights there are emotions and lots of serious talk and i’ve been wanting to write another piece on seongjoong for the longest time so i’m glad this idea came to me and i am even MORE glad that it turned out the way it did! fr this hiatus has been too good to me, i’ve never been more proud of my work than i am now!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Act Five - Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Wooyoung.” The voice is soft on your ears, and you revel in the peace it provides while you can, mind bringing the comforting image of San’s feline features without hesitation. Merely the sound of his voice fills your chest with warmth. It’s something that blossoms and spreads throughout your whole body as you begin to slip into consciousness. “Wooyoung, get up. They brought us some food.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A hand clamps down hard on your shoulder. Your eyes open against your will, fluttering lashes that reveal a dimly lit scenery around you. The same scene you saw before with it’s cold, metal walls and rattling chains that rupture with noise every time someone shifts a muscle. It hits at that moment. This is not your body, you are not seeing with your own eyes or hearing with your own ears; you are merely looking through a piece of foggy glass and watching this dream – if it can even be called that – unfold with no control. At first, you had a sliver of control over the body and you moved on your own, but now it’s like you are merely a ghost inhabiting Wooyoung’s body alongside his consciousness. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>That lack of control is terrifying, to say the least. Seeing things happen and not being able to help or do anything at all. You felt this fear once before, when you were trapped in prison and watching your team unravel and come apart because of your actions. Now, you are witnessing the repercussions of your identity in a whole new light. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>San’s sharp features fill your vision. A hand reaches up between your bodies and cups the man’s cheek, turning his head left and right as your eyes flit over his face in search of something.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Bruises are worse today.” It’s Wooyoung who speaks, soft and mellifluous tone falling from what should be your lips but isn’t. The entire situation is a bit baffling because you can’t reconcile where your consciousness ends and Wooyoung’s begins. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m fine. They brought us some water. You should use it to clean your cuts before they get infected.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung waves the Spectre’s concern off and shakes his head. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m fine. My knee is the only thing still bothering me. Once they take the chains off I’ll be able to set it properly. Ribs okay today?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Peachy,” San murmurs, hand coming up to rub at the mentioned spot subconsciously. “I’ve broken plenty before. This is no different.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Except you haven’t had proper treatment. I don’t even know if it’s a stable or transverse or oblique fracture… could even be comminuted for all we know.” Wooyoung lifts a shaky hand to his hand and combs through the charcoal-colored strands with no direct purpose. “I-I don’t know – I don’t know how to treat broken ribs. Yunho didn’t – I never asked him h-how to and I—”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s fine, Wooyoung. I won’t die from a broken rib.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And if one of the bone shards is lodged in your lung? Think you can survive a hole there? Just… j-just let me know if anything changes. I don’t know what I can do if you start coughing up blood but I’ll figure something out.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>San is silent for a moment. His gaze shifts to the dirtied floor where thick iron chains weave crude patterns over the tiles. They cling to his wrists and ankles, a bit too loose but not enough for him to slip out of them. Wooyoung bears the same kind along with Mingi off in the corner. The Spectre seems to debate something for a moment before he glances up at the ceiling for a half-second, then he pulls closer to Wooyoung to mutter in his ear.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“They’ve been watching us for days. If we can break the cameras then I can use my abilities to—”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“To what, San?” Wooyoung interrupts. He shakes his head ever so slightly and heaves a deep sigh before speaking again, this time quieter than before. “The second a camera feed goes dead, they’ll send someone here to investigate. Mingi is too weak and injured to fight, you can hardly move or stand up straight with that rib, and what am I going to do? I can’t fight as well at you two, and I certainly can’t defend all of us, not with these chains and not on my own. Besides, the collars you and Mingi have are specially tailored to your class. They’ll restrict your usage of your abilities and you’ll only get hurt worse if you try using them.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“But we – we have to get back to the others. We don’t know what they did with them or if they were taken too. They could have taken Y/N a-and Yunho and Yeosang. And who knows what happened with Hongjoong in the arena or if Seonghwa and Jongho found him?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m sure they’re okay.” Wooyoung’s tone remains noncommittal, but there’s something about the way he speaks the words with enough certainty to imply that he knows something San doesn’t. San rubs at the skin under his shackles. His wristband must have been taken because it’s nowhere in sight, and you can only assume that they did the same with Mingi’s as well. “We need to wait for a better opportunity. See where they’re taking us and why. We’ll find the others when we can, but right now… let’s get through this together.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Fine, but at least clean the cuts on your arms while you can. Who knows when they’ll bring fresh water by again.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Give it to Mingi. His injuries are the worst.” San inhales sharply. His lips part to no doubt deny Wooyoung’s request, but the shorter man levels him with a small shake of his head. “Please, San. I need you to trust me when I say that I will be fine.” Wooyoung glances over to another corner where said Berserker sits with shoulders slumped and head hung. You can’t tell whether he is awake or not, but that doesn’t seem to be important because San manages a hesitant nod then goes to approach the man. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung watches San’s back as he walks. It’s careful, calculating, almost vigilant and the moment he decides San is at a far enough distance, he whips around to face the corner. Eyes glare holes into the seam of the wall and floor.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know you’re there, Y/N,” he whispers, and if you weren’t practically in his body, you would struggle to hear the words. You can’t even properly panic at his direct acknowledgment of whatever this is — he knows you’re there, whether it’s seeing through his eyes or pushing your subconsciousness alongside his. “I don’t – I don’t have time to explain. They’re transporting us to a different facility today. I think they’re going to separate the three of us into different cells. One of the guards mentioned putting Mingi in a steel cage on his own. I’ll try my best to convince them that we should stay together. I…” Wooyoung pauses, lips darting over his dry and cracked lips. “If they separate us, I w-would be able to explain this better but – listen, Y/N. I know this must be confusing and disorienting for you, but I need you to do two things for me when you wake up. First—”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Wooyoung!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung cuts his thought short with a sharp hiss and a quickly exhaled curse. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“His fever is getting worse.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Fuck,” Wooyoung mutters, turning back around and rushing over to where San kneels beside Mingi’s hunched form. He brings a hand to Mingi’s forehead, brushing the damp hair there back so he can have better access, and even you can feel the heat emanating from the Berserker’s skin. Wooyoung withdraws his hand quickly and reaches down for the hem of his shirt. “Get the water for me, I need to make a rag of some sort to put on his head.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung yanks at his shirt, ripping it along one of the side seams and tearing all the way to the other side of his waist. San moves behind him in a rush to get the water as Wooyoung bunches up the wad of torn clothing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Mingi, can you hear me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Y-Yeah.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why didn’t you mention the fever earlier?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Didn’t wanna worry you both.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ah, Mingi…” Wooyoung sighs. San comes up on his side and delivers a glass of water into one of Wooyoung’s waiting hands. “I need you to lie down flat on your back. We’ll put this on your forehead for now, and I’ll look over your stomach again, okay?” Wooyoung dunks his makeshift rag into the cup, soaking it thoroughly while San reaches forward to tug Mingi’s shirt up to his sternum. The moment Wooyoung’s eyes flit over to glance at the newly-exposed skin, you are overwhelmed by the urge to vomit. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Right beside Mingi’s left hip, nestled close to the band of his pants and almost as long as a small blade, lies a broad cut. The skin around it is swollen and angry, holding a yellowish tint to it that you can see in the lowlight of the room. It is wide open, and the stretch of Mingi’s taut skin does nothing to keep the wound sealed shut. You don’t need to be a doctor to realize exactly how bad the cut is. San and Wooyoung exchange a nervous glance, and the worry in San’s eyes is so palpable and thick that it nearly chokes you. Wooyoung’s hands tremble as he eases Mingi onto his back. Water splashes over the floor, and Wooyoung nearly drops the rag in his efforts to calmly place it over Mingi’s damp forehead. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Woo—”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know! I know it’s bad! Okay? L-Let me think this through.” Wooyoung sits back on his heels, tongue swiping over his lower lip. “Mingi needs rest right now. We can’t do anything without supplies a-and we need to just hope that they won’t let him die.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And if they don’t care?” San questions. He clamps a hand down hard on Wooyoung’s shoulder and pulls the man to face him head-on. “We don’t even know why they took us, let alone what they plan to do with us!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, well, quit looking at me like I have all the answers! If they wanted us dead, they would have killed us by now. There’s no way they would go through all this trouble to just let us die before we even get to our destination.” San’s hand falls away from Wooyoung as the Spectre sits back as well, eyes glued to Mingi’s reclining form. “It’s the middle of the night, San. I’m sure they’re planning something for the morning if they’re giving us food this late so let’s hold out a little while longer. Get some rest, I’ll watch over Mingi for a bit and make sure he can sleep okay.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>San pulls further away from Wooyoung at that, relenting in his arguments to return to his corner of the all too small room, and Wooyoung watches him go with lips pressed into a thin line. He doesn’t stop staring at the man until San is curled into the corner with his eyes shut. A sigh passes through Wooyoung’s lips as he turns back to Mingi, one hand stretching out to smooth down the Berserker’s hair.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You comfortable, Mingi?” He asks. Several seconds pass in silence, and the only sounds that can be heard in the room are the steady and raspy breaths falling from the Berserker’s lips. “Hm, I’ll take that as a yes.” Wooyoung lets a couple more minutes go by without saying a word or making a sound, and it’s only when he seems confident that both San and Mingi are asleep that he speaks again. “Y/N, when you wake up, tell Seonghwa that the moon is shining over cold waters. I know it sounds weird, but he’ll know what it means. A-And Yeosang. Please tell him that I’m okay and he doesn’t need to worry. Then give him the same message as Seonghwa, okay? He’ll… he knows what’s going on b-between us, this whole connection, all of it. He can explain it to you for me. I would – I would do it but I can’t risk Mingi or San overhearing this. It’s already risky enough like this. I’m gonna send you back now before one of them starts asking questions.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Something cold blossoms in your chest, like someone is trying to claw their way out of you and rip you apart from the inside out.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Look after Yeosang while I’m gone, Y/N. I won’t forgive myself if something happens to him and I’m not there.” That’s the last thing you manage to hear before shadowy tendrils snake across your vision and bring you back into pitch-black darkness.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You wake up with a start, jerking back into full consciousness in your own body, and you jolt upwards into a sitting position. Everything burns and aches. Sweat beads your brow, slick down your back as well even though the room is cold. Of course it’s only a dream, a weird premonition that plagues you every time you lie down to sleep at night. It has been three days since that day in the arena, the one where three of the crew were stolen away from under your noses, and these dreams have become incessant in their persistence. This one was a first though: the first time Wooyoung has ever acknowledged your presence and spoken to you the way he did, and no matter how much you try to rack your brain, you still cannot get it to make even an ounce of sense.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The right side of the bed remains cold to the touch. It’s a familiarity, yet at the same time, it burns a hole deep in your chest which will linger for hours on end. Seonghwa hasn’t left Hongjoong’s bedside in days. He refuses to look you in the eye when you two are in each other’s presence. You can’t pretend that you don’t understand why because it’s blatantly obvious given that it started the day you met with Jisung and had that emotionally-charged conversation afterward. Yeosang won’t leave the room he’s staying in, and Jongho stays with him for hours on end just to try to ease some of his broken emotional state. Yunho is the only person who tries to maintain a sense of normalcy, but even so, he can’t do much. You have yet to hear a true apology fall from his lips, and until he gives you that much, you are content to greet him with a cold shoulder as petty as it might sound.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As for Jisung, you haven’t heard anyone breathe a word about him in days. You are positive that Seonghwa is going to meet him during the day at some point because the man will disappear for one or two hours then visit Yeosang for the same amount of time before returning to his incessant vigil at Hongjoong’s bedside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You positively despise everything about the situation you all have been thrust into, and at the forefront of it all are these damn dreams. It almost seems as though the universe is trying to punish you for being the reason why the others were taken – San and Wooyoung, more specifically – because why else would you see through Wooyoung’s eyes and see the direct results of your mistakes. Even a cold shoulder doesn’t do anything to ease your worries, and thus you push your way into the room across the hall with a new sense of determination. You don’t stop until you reach your intended destination, lingering beside Seonghwa’s shoulder where he kneels at the side of Hongjoong’s cot. He shifts his chin to the slightest degree as he look at you out of the corner of his eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you sleep okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You aren’t sure what your plan was when you decided to come to Seonghwa. You haven’t thought about what you want to say or should say, but it seems a bit odd to lead with something like </span>
  <em>‘every time I go to sleep I wake up in Wooyoung’s body and see through his eyes’</em>
  <span> so you can’t very well start with that. The issue is that you don’t even know where to start with this conversation or what to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um…” You trail off, thought dying in the back of your throat. Seonghwa twists to look at you more directly now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“T-The moon—” you cut yourself short, tongue darting out to wet your lips. “The moon is shining over cold waters?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t process right away. The man blinks back at you with confusion shining in his bright and round eyes, and you are ready to backtrack and tell him not to worry about it. Then, Seonghwa’s expression goes flat, color drains from his features, and his mouth falls agape. He jerks his head forward to stare at Hongjoong’s unconscious body, eyes darting all over the place, while you can do nothing except stand there and wait.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who – how do you… god, hold on.” Seonghwa squeezes his eyes shut so tightly that it hurts to look at. He brings a hand up to rub at the spot between his eyes, lips barely moving a centimeter when he speaks next. “Where did you hear that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung asked me to tell you that,” you whisper back. It’s utterly illogical since the two of you are alone in the room and Hongjoong isn’t awake, but you’re afraid to speak any louder than that, like you’re divulging a secret for just the two of you to hear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung. When did he—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Last night.” Seonghwa lifts his chin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know how to – to explain it. He told me to deliver that message to you and to Yeosang as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That… that explains why I couldn’t find you last night,” Seonghwa murmurs the words under his breath, and you’re almost certain that he isn’t intending them to be for your ears until he jerks his head to look you in the eye. “Daichi knew where you were but said he couldn’t tell me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ah, so he was in the Dreamscape last night. Waiting and looking for you. While you were off inhabiting Wooyoung’s body and living in his consciousness. Then does he not know?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You mean you didn’t – you weren’t there?” You inquire, tone a lot less confident all of a sudden.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>Where</em>
  <span>, Y/N?” Seonghwa pushes himself to his feet and stands at his full height, looming over you a little bit as he moves to stand in front of you. “What exactly did you see last night?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is Wooyoung?” You ask rather than answering his question. Seonghwa tilts his head to the side a bit and looks off to the wall behind you. He inhales sharply, tongue dragging over the front of his teeth, and his hesitance tells you all you need to know. “</span>
  <em>Seonghwa</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need to go to Yeosang,” Seonghwa says after several deep breaths of silence. He reaches down to grab your wrist, fingers nearly closing around your skin when you yank your arm back in defiance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re just – no! Why can’t you tell me what he is?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know what you saw last night or what you mean by he </span>
  <em>told</em>
  <span> you to deliver a message. It is impossible for that to happen. Even if he is a — it’s </span>
  <em>impossible</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is he a Si—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A hand clamps hard over your mouth, Seonghwa’s other hand flying up to cradle the back of your neck as you jerk backward, and you blink at the man in utter shock. He doesn’t look back at you, however; his eyes are glued on Hongjoong’s reclining form, eyes so wide that you think they could bulge out of his head. He watches the steady rise and fall of Hongjoong’s chest go undisturbed for two, five, fifteen seconds before letting his hand drop back to his side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not here,” he hisses under his breath, and for the first time, you hear him speak directly to you with a certain sense of vehemence in his tone. “Y/N, </span>
  <em>please</em>
  <span>.” You manage a small nod, unsure of what else there is for you to say, and Seonghwa takes hold of your hand again, this time letting his fingers slip through yours. You don’t know what comes over you in that moment; perhaps it is simply a leftover sense of bitterness that bubbles deep in your gut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yet if this is what you truly want… if you have a chance to rest peacefully at last with someone you love, who am I to deprive you of that? That is all I could ever want for you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You tug your hand out of Seonghwa’s grasp, pulling it close to your chest as you turn around and head back towards the door. Turning around now would be a mistake; you can’t bring yourself to think about the expression of pain that surely crosses his features.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry. I would do anything for you, but I cannot force you to stay. That is the one thing I cannot bring myself to do.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is so much left unsaid between you two right now, so much you want to say but can’t, and you know that it will probably be the way for quite some time. You would rather run from this than face it head-on and look Seonghwa in the eye to tell him that you </span>
  <em>need</em>
  <span> him to make you stay because the guilt that eats away at your gut won’t let you stay otherwise. You don’t stop to see whether Seonghwa is following you, but you don’t really need to because you can hear the soft shuffling of his footsteps trailing after you as you step out of the room and into the hall. The air around you is too stiff and quiet. The silence brings the starkly haunting image of the cell San, Mingi, and Wooyoung are trapped in to mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You wait beside the door as Seonghwa knocks on the wood and calls out softly to Yeosang inside. When it cracks open, you expect to see the blond standing in the doorway; rather, it’s red eyes and dark hair that greet you, and you make brief eye contact with Jongho before he redirects his focus to Seonghwa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Need me to step out?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you can go downstairs and eat with Yunho. He should still be down there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho nods twice then glances back over his shoulder. He says nothing more as he steps out of the room and replaces Seonghwa’s spot in the hallway. You’re about to follow the lieutenant in when Jongho lands a hand on your arm, squeezing tightly at your forearm and pulling your focus towards him for a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are you holding up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“…Could be better,” you murmur back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get them back soon.” Jongho sounds so confident, and you can hardly feed into that confidence yourself thanks to the turmoil rushing through your mind without cease.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m sure we will,” you lie, pressing a smile onto your lips if only to reassure the Berserker. Whether he believes you or not remains to be seen. He steps away and continues on down the hall, however, so you can escape his scrutiny for the time being and follow Seonghwa into Yeosang’s room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first thing to hit you is the darkness of the room. All the lights are turned off save for a lamp beside the bed and the soft morning light filtering in through the window. Yeosang sits in front of the fogged glass with his back to the door, illuminated by the pale light. In this atmosphere, you can truly see his princely features and it makes perfect sense how he could have been a prince in the past with the sharp angles of his jaw, even slope of his nose, blond hair falling in soft waves around his head and resting flat against the back of his neck. If you didn’t know how cruel he could be, you would dare to say he looks almost angelic with the sun’s rays hitting his hair and reflecting off it in soft halos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang,” Seonghwa starts, tone hovering above a whisper. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More plans from the double agent today?” </span>
  <em>Double agent?</em>
  <span> You don’t realize what he means by that until Seonghwa clears his throat and drops his chin to his chest. </span>
  <em>Jisung</em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, there’s something else we need to discuss.” Seonghwa shifts to look at you, and it’s only after he gives you a small nod that you realize what he wants. It’s on you to bring up the topic of Wooyoung, to deliver the message he gave you, and to start this conversation. Yeosang swivels in his seat as slowly as possible. You choke on air when he looks directly at you, not even bothering to spare Seonghwa an ounce of his attention once he notices you are in the room as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung asked me to tell you th-that he’s okay and you d-don’t need to worry,” you whisper. It’s hard to meet Yeosang’s intense stare, and you regret it when you do because of the sheer lack of emotion in his dark eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung asked you to tell me that. Right.” Accusatory, cold, disbelieving. How the fuck are you supposed to get this man to believe what you witnessed with some weird string of words that he’s supposed to know the meaning of? “Do you take me to be an idiot, Y/N? Why the hell would I ever believe something as ridiculous and inconceivable as that? Don’t tell me you believe her, Seonghwa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should just — the moon is shining over cold waters,” you sigh, squeezing your eyes shut to hide your frustration. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where did you hear that?” There’s a shift, wood scraping hard against wood, and all of a sudden, you’re forced to open your eyes because the man is in your face with hands clenched so hard around your biceps that you can feel the bruises forming already. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang,” Seonghwa warns. He takes a step closer to the two of you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where the fuck did you hear that?” Yeosang demands, louder this time as he presses so close to you that his breath cascades over your face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung told me to tell you that,” you spit back. You shrug his hands off you with a quick jerk of your shoulders, stepping back a bit to put some distance between your bodies. “Because for some fucking reason, I can’t go to sleep at night without waking up in his fucking body and seeing through his eyes with zero control or ability to do anything for myself like I’m some backseat driver in his consciousness while I watch him spend hours trapped in a cell with San and Mingi until he either falls asleep or ‘decides to send me back’, whatever the </span>
  <em>fuck</em>
  <span> that means!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Seonghwa exhales, head whipping so hard you could get whiplash just from watching him. “Y/N, what did you say? I thought — you mean you didn’t go to the Dre— you didn’t see him there?” You’re acutely aware of the way Yeosang’s eyes flit from Seonghwa’s body to yours, cold and calculating as ever, but something in his features expresses a pre-existing knowledge, like he knows exactly what Seonghwa is talking about with needing an explanation. It sends shockwaves of panic through your body. You can’t stand the way he’s staring at you; it feels too much like he is picking you apart piece by piece.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-What? What the fuck are you saying?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, cut the damn act, Y/N. I know what you are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both you and Seonghwa reel on Yeosang, and your vision spins with the haste at which you move. He huffs out a laugh, lips twisting at one corner as he grins at you with a sense of cruelty to his gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you’re going to pretend to be something, you ought to do a better job, especially seeing as I’m the only true Elitist on the crew. I don’t know who you thought you were fooling, but even if Wooyoung hadn’t told me what you are, I would have known regardless.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-Wooyoung? Wooyoung told you what I am?” You stammer, eyes as wide as saucers. “How did he know?” Your eyes go directly to Seonghwa, and you search for answers in the man, or at least some indication that he was the one to tell Wooyoung about your identity but he shakes his head. Given the shock on his features as well, you’re inclined to believe that he truly had nothing to do with Wooyoung knowing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did he not tell you anything? Not even about the meaning of that phrase he gave you? How typical of him to get sidetracked.” Some of the hostility slips away from Yeosang’s tone at the mention of Wooyoung in such a way, and he shakes his head a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He said he couldn’t explain because Mingi and San could overhear. But I still don’t understand what’s going on or why this is happening. Why didn’t this happen with the two of us?” You direct the question to Seonghwa, hoping for some sort of answers from the man given his previous knowledge about Sirens, but what you get instead is disappointment and confusion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never even heard of such a thing happening, never read about it, or seen any sort of legend talking about this type of connection,” Seonghwa says through a sigh. “Yes, Wooyoung is a Siren just as we are, and while I had my suspicions about your identity as one, he is the one who came to me and confirmed it because… because he had a dream of sitting in a black lake with a red moon and seeing your reflection in the water instead of his. I didn’t know what it meant back then, and I don’t know now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-When?” You can’t recall a time when Wooyoung was ever in your body or if you even realized that he was there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right after you came onto the ship. In the first four days you were hiding in that box, Wooyoung came to me saying that he saw a girl’s face in the water, and when I asked him to describe her features, I instantly knew it was the one who I ran into outside the airlock. You.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you two were just — you weren’t going to tell me that this was happening? Or that Wooyoung knew all this time?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa and I are the only two people who know about Wooyoung’s identity. It’s been that way for six years. Not even Hongjoong knows, and that’s exactly how we intended for it to be. You would never have known if not for this connection between the two of you.” Yeosang blinks between the two of you. He folds his arms over his chest, letting one hand rest under his chin. He says nothing more than that but you can clearly see that there is more on his mind than merely that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what about the meaning of the phrase? You said it had a meaning, Yeosang.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The moon is shining over cold waters. Wooyoung’s moniker is Tsukio, meaning moon. Your moniker is Umiko, is it not? Child of the sea? We came up with it as a failsafe in this sort of situation, where if Wooyoung was in danger and you happened to inhabit his consciousness, then he would give you the code to deliver back to us. Seonghwa would tell you his identity as a Siren, and I would do my best to explain whatever I could in Wooyoung’s absence. There is nothing he does not tell me, even down to matters like this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand why Seonghwa doesn’t have this ability as well though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As I told you, Y/N, all Sirens are different. They interact in different ways, and they all have different abilities. Yeosang and I haven’t stopped looking for answers or trying to find even the slightest bit of information about this. Given what Wooyoung has told us, we have only come to one conclusion. You are the sea, and Wooyoung is the moon. No matter where you are in the universe, the seas are always influenced by the moon and tied to the moon in some way. Tell me, Y/N, have you ever seen Wooyoung in your dreams before this?” Seonghwa pauses to let you process and answer the question. His eyes search yours for any sort of response, but you can’t come up with one right away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“H-Help! Someone – someone help!” You cry out, voice croaking like a frog, and your throat burns from the effort. One of the chained prisoners in front of you turns at the sound of your voice. Dark charcoal hair flutters in the still air as he whips around to face you, eyes wide and curious as they land on you. All the air leaves your lungs. Your heart constricts painfully in your chest, and you choke on nothing as his face comes into focus.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A cloaked man steps in front of you and effectively blocks your line of sight before you can examine the sight further.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A searing pain blossoms over your cheek, and it takes a moment for you to process that the person has just punched you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wooyoung.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Another blow comes down on your head. You feel your body go down before your mind catches up, and you enter a harsh freefall. Your chains clatter as you tumble to the ground.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Y/N!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have,” Yeosang states, arms falling limply by his sides. You’re about to agree when another memory hits you out of the blue, something you haven’t seen in a long time, all the way back from when you had the surgery on your arm and when Wooyoung plugged an anesthesia shot in your neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The dream is beginning to fade, darkness swirling into one large mass, but before the serenity around you can disappear entirely, you catch sight of something new. Amongst everything that is familiar and known, this is completely foreign. A new figure, shorter than Daichi for certain, but also bearing dark hair. He stands off at the other side of the lake, near the shore like Daichi had been, but his back is facing you. He bears garbs like yours, white and flowing despite the lack of a breeze.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Twice. After the surgery on my arm and after the m-mission to get the serums.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You merely saw him? Not through his eyes?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And now this is the first time you’ve seen through his eyes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. It started the first time I went to sleep after what happened at the arena.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you waited four days to say anything?” Yeosang scoffs, face contorting into a scowl in an instant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t speak to me until today! Without that damn phrase, you would have called me insane and not told me anything.” Yeosang opens his mouth to retort, but you jab a finger at his face before he can. “Don’t try to tell me I’m wrong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think…” Seonghwa trails off, puffing his cheeks full of air and exhaling deeply. “I think Y/N and I need to speak with Daichi about this. It sounds like this connection – whatever it is between the two of you – it sounds like it’s something that is triggered when the other is in danger. Wooyoung inhabited your body when you were dying in the boxes in the cargo hold.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He had control though,” Yeosang cuts in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He had control over me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Over your body, yes. He told me that he climbed out of the box in the middle of the night and left a blood trail leading to the box. He knew San would be on the first shift to do inventory in the morning, he knew San would have mercy and not be able to kill you, and he knew that San would be able to pick up on the blood trail leading to your box.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He…” </span>
  <em>He saved my life</em>
  <span>. Your throat closes in on itself. Wooyoung is the only reason San found you in that box. You probably would have died the next day if not for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She was physically incapable of doing even the bare minimum at that time. But you said you have no control over Wooyoung’s body?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Two shaky hands dart up to your neck, clasping around something terribly cold and metal. It’s a collar of sorts, and it refuses to budge even a centimeter as you try to yank at it. A finger slips under the ridge of the metal. You brush over the cold skin there only to find a blossoming scar across your neck, one that spreads no matter how far you move your hand along the collar. You jerk your hand out from under it with a growing feeling of disgust churning in your stomach. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I h-had control the first time. But for less than a minute. Like once W-Wooyoung was fully conscious again, he took control.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need time and my notes back on the ship,” Yeosang mutters. “Y/N, I’ll need you to come visit and tell me everything that has been happening in these dreams, along with all the things that started happening when you first came aboard. Once we’re back on the ship, of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that will be coming sooner than expected.” You and Yeosang glance over at Seonghwa at the same time, eyes wide with unspoken questions. “We’re going back to the ship this afternoon. Yunho plans to transport Hongjoong back with Jongho’s help. He’ll make the rest of his recovery there, but we need to get moving. Jis–our double agent finally figured out where they’re taking the others. Geofflan system, planet Dorado.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa, that’s—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I know, Yeosang,” Seonghwa interrupts. His lips twist into a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and no matter what way you look at the grin, you only see sadness in it. “We would inevitably have to go there at some point. I can’t keep running forever, can I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dorado? Why does this feel familiar?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You peer at the side of Seonghwa’s head in silence, mulling over the words and racking your brain for that sliver of a memory about Dorado.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Maybe Hongjoong found a lead on Dorado, and that’s where we’re heading next. Seonghwa might be tense because of that.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What’s so important about Dorado?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jongho’s eyes find yours and suddenly grow wide. He shakes his head a few times, but the nervous gleam that dances across his eyes doesn’t escape your notice.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“Perhaps it’s time for me to go home and face my demons after all,” Seonghwa whispers, letting his smile stretch a bit wider. It falls away a second later, and something dark takes over, something you decide you don’t want to see cross Seonghwa’s features again. Because in that moment, you see something sinister and cruel, and all the legends you heard about the man come to life before you. The stories of a man in a black cloak bearing a silver scythe in one hand with a gun in the other, the fearless killer who stands beside the Scourge of the Black Sea rearing death in his wake. When Seonghwa turns on his heel and leaves the room, you see it. The dark shadows billowing behind him curl outwards and sweep across the floor, crude shapes built by the light in the hallway, and that cloak of darkness sits on Seonghwa’s shoulders. It’s </span>like the Lieutenant of Death has crawled his way out of the dark abyss of hell that Seonghwa kept him buried in, and the face he rears horrifies you.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hehe 👁👁🍿 jk um what is there to say about this except hi hello! new act! act five! lots of exposition for this part, i’m sorry about that, there’s a lot to explain and thus it takes a lot of time to explain it, but this is only the first layer of explanation so aidjfoidsjfio strap in!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Act Five - Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>chapter specific trigger warnings: past mentions of abuse, violence, and anxiety. please read with caution</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It is nearing nightfall by the time you all return to the ship. Yunho has already gotten Hongjoong settled in the medbay with Jongho’s help, as well as set him up with an oxygen mask and an IV, and to be frank, the sight of the infamous pirate captain splayed out so helplessly was hard to see. Whatever you were feeling must have been increased tenfold for the man who stood at your side during the whole process because you could feel the panic oozing off his bones, a nagging sensation that fell on you as well. As much as he tried to help, Yunho asked him to let him and Jongho take care of it, and Seonghwa caved with a surprising amount of haste. For better or worse, you don’t have to stay long there before Seonghwa is pulling you out to head up to the main airlock. It can only be worse because of who is waiting for you there: none other than Han Jisung come to join the crew for inexplicable reasons unbeknownst to you right now. And that is why you shift to look at Seonghwa’s sharp side profile as the two of you walk to join Yeosang in waiting by the airlock.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are we bringing him aboard?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need Jisung for information, and it will be less of a hassle to have him aboard,” Seonghwa explains through a clipped sigh. “I don’t trust the man as far as I can throw him, but… at least I can keep an eye on him this way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t we just have Wooyoung help us through the dreams instead?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa glances over at you, and your eyes meet for the briefest of moments before he looks forward once more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know how to communicate with him yet,” Seonghwa explains. His tone is a bit more gentle this time, nothing goading or forced but rather a genuine attempt to ease some of your bubbling anxieties. “You can’t talk to him, ask him questions, or consistently control his body long enough to figure out where they’re being held. Besides, they are locked in a cell, and you can’t very well ask a guard where they are. Until we learn more about this situation and your connection to each other, this is the best course of action.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would Hongjoong let him on the ship?” You inquire. You can already assume the answer, and you’re only asking for some sort of confirmation that this is a bad idea, but Seonghwa presses his lips together to form a thin line.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong would understand how critical the situation at hand is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you let him walk away without a fight too?” It is a bit out of line and far too bitter, but the words are already out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. Seonghwa freezes in place, steps coming to a sudden halt whilst you just continue walking as though you didn’t say a word. You can feel the way his eyes glare holes into the back of your head, and the twinge in your chest that pains your heart surely does not come from you. A wave of pain hits you as you turn to look Seonghwa in the eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong is different,” he whispers. “You know that. It isn’t that I don’t love or care about you, because I do. I feel both those things when it comes to you, in ways I can’t even begin to describe, which is why I want you to be happy and have a chance at freedom.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With someone whom you don’t trust or know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know and trust him yourself, do you not?” Seonghwa counters without missing a beat. “Am I supposed to decided who you trust now? Was it not you who told me that I didn’t need to worry about you? Shouldn’t doubt your abilities? I’ve already told you that I am not happy about this situation at all, but still I will not decide this for you, even if you ask me to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what am I supposed to think? Right now it feels like you only want me gone so you can feel less guilty about going back to Hongjoong at the end of the day.” You turn on your heel, fully prepared to leave him standing there on his own in the heat of your unreasonable annoyance. Seonghwa closes the distance between your bodies with a surprising haste and grabs hold of your wrist, spinning you back around to face him in no time. You hardly have time to breathe before he’s knocking the air out of you by pressing you up against the wall of the corridor. You know what’s coming next before it happens, and it’s for that exact reason that you dip your chin to the side as Seonghwa moves in to plant his lips atop yours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A dry and emotionless laugh escapes his lips instead, and you stare at the floor with eyes burning more than ever. Seonghwa slams a hand down hard on the space of metal beside your head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should never have been selfish with you,” he mutters. You try not to think about how much bitterness his tone holds. “That was a mistake on my part. There is no security or certainty in a life like ours, nothing I can provide that would give you either of those things. I’m sorry for making you believe that I could ever give you something as certain as that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A thought dashes across the forefront of your mind, one that tells you to swallow the hurt nagging at your chest and take comfort in his body instead, but it doesn’t last long. You know better, and you know it wouldn’t fix anything in the long run. It will only make it harder on both of you if you let yourselves get any more attached before your inevitable demise that ends in you leaving with Jisung. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you regret this?” Your voice could not possibly be more quiet than it is now. You lift a shaky hand to his chest, pressing your palm hard against the spot that now emanates the most pain. “Getting close and such?” Seonghwa shifts to place his hand over yours but hesitates at the last second. His lips twist into a strained smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do, but only because it is ending with you in pain. No, I don’t regret any of the time I spent with you, and I still mean everything I told you. Perhaps this is for the best. I am content with the time I got to spend with you, and I won’t ask for anything more than that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All I wanted you to do was stop me,” you plea as though it will make him change his mind right here and now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to stop yet, Y/N.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you need me to show you how badly I don’t want to go for you to stop me?” Seonghwa exhales a deep heave of air and pulls away from you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want more than anything else?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“San back safely.” Seonghwa barely finishes his question by the time you’re answering, but in your mind, there is no need for any sort of hesitation. If Seonghwa is surprised at all, he doesn’t let it slip through; all he does is smile back at you. You only realize your mistake after the fact, stuttering in your next rush to speak. “A-And Mingi and W-Wooyoung as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about after that then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His question doesn’t stump you because you don’t know the answer. You know what it is you want when this is all over. You want to rest, to stop running, for all this mess to be done with, and you don’t want to have to worry about your safety at every turn. You don’t want to wake up in a cold sweat afraid that the people you care about could be dead. You desperately want peace, but you aren’t brave enough to make the sacrifices that will get you there. Even so, there is no way you could admit it now because that would only make Seonghwa right.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your silence is answer enough for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t what I want with Jisung though,” you insist. “He is my past, not my future. I never let myself imagine a scenario in which I would see him again. I’ve made it this far with you all. I don’t want to leave you behind now. And even after we get the others back, I still won’t want to leave them behind either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That may be the case, Y/N, but it’s — the truth of the matter is that no matter what, my first duty will always be to protect Hongjoong as his lieutenant. Perhaps that is why those lingering feelings of love are still present, but it also means that I don’t know if I can give you my love </span>
  <em>and </em>
  <span>promise to stop loving him as well. That’s — that’s beside the point though.” Seonghwa shakes his head, hand coming up to comb through his dark locks for a second before dropping back to his side. “If how I feel about Hongjoong is something you aren’t okay with, then I don’t want you to wait on me or my feelings. That isn’t what I want for you. However, this conversation can continue another time. We’ve kept Yeosang waiting long enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There isn’t an opportunity to say anything more because Seonghwa steps away and returns to walking down the corridor without even waiting to see if you’ll follow. You have to jog to catch up with his broad strides, falling into step beside him with a bit more hesitance in your movements this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Has… has Jisung learned anything yet?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The person behind all of this is still not guaranteed. Vladimir was merely an instrument for these plans, but according to Jisung, he said that there would be a special exchange on Dorado for Mingi and the others. Since you were originally the one they wanted, there is still uncertainty about what they plan to do with Wooyoung and San. Mingi, on the other hand, is set to be sent to a recreational facility on Dorado that specializes in Berserker training for pirate and bandit crews. They plan to reprogram him back into – into the Brute of Kebos, at which point he will be sent back to Vladimir. That’s apparently the bargain he made to agree to this plan. You were the prize meant for the other party but obviously, that fell through.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why me of all people? With all the people on this ship, why am I significant in the slightest? Especially on Dorado of all places?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa shakes his head from side to side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vladimir didn’t mention anything in the past few meetings Jisung has attended. We don’t even have the slightest clue as to why they want you, and still no word on who these people even are. Of course, the Ghost of Eros is </span>
  <em>valuable</em>
  <span>, there’s no doubt about that, but not this far from Eros and the Aurum system. And they certainly wouldn’t go to these lengths to get you.” His words die there, voice falling flat along with the sentence, and you watch him in silence for several seconds before he shifts to place a gentle hand on your shoulder. “It is evident that someone in the universe is looking for you, and they are taking great risks to get you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They will have to try a lot harder than that if they want me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa blinks back at you, eyes perceptive and searching as always. He seems to figure something out at that moment because his stare widens a bit before dropping to the floor without a word.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” You inquire, leaning closer to look at his face better. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing. Just a hunch. I’ll let you know if it becomes a concern later.” He shrugs off the concern and lets his hand fall off your shoulder to motion down the corridor. Yeosang has surely grown impatient by now, and it’s that thought that causes your steps and Seonghwa’s to increase in pace to meet him at the airlock. Only, once you finally reach that place, you find that he is not alone, and Jisung stands directly across from the taller blond, starkly out of place in front of Yeosang. You don’t need to visibly see Yeosang’s expression to know that the Elitist is glaring at Jisung – it’s evident in the way Yeosang speaks through his body with the tense shoulders and crossed arms, chin inclined just enough to be condescending, yet Jisung doesn’t seem phased by the man in the slightest. In fact, he just turns to you, eyes bright as ever, and grins from ear to ear like a Cheshire.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, little lady.” Something in the way he speaks those words with that smile that is branded on your brain and hand quickly darting out in your direction triggers a memory you didn’t know you had.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Stop being a fucking idiot! You know I’m better than you, don’t you?” A hand stretches out towards you, writhing forward like a snake in the darkness, and you flinch away from the touch despite knowing that the man won’t lay a hand on you. “The next person who dares to say that to you will die a painful death.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“J-Jisung?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I don’t care what kind of monster I become in their eyes. If I go to hell, so be it. They touch you, they die. Those are the rules, aren’t they? If anyone other than me lays a single finger on you…” Jisung trails off, lips twisting into a smile that is far too cruel for his gentle and precious features. “I will deliver a slow and deliberate death to each of them.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisung’s hand is about to brush over your wrist – the one that bears the brand of your betrayal – when Yeosang steps between your body and his, hand coming up to knock Jisung’s own out of the way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It would be best for you to not cause any issues while you’re here,” the Elitist murmurs. He cocks his head to the side, maintaining that cruel and cocky air about his shoulders as he looks down at Jisung. “I’m not one for forgiveness, and you are merely here as a guest. Someone who isn’t important to the crew and has no place here. You would do well to remember that before trying to lay a hand on anyone in the crew.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A scowl overtakes Jisung’s expression, and the man steps back to put some distance between himself and Yeosang. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I knew her for </span>
  <em>five years</em>
  <span>. Perhaps you are the one who needs to remember your place, no?” Jisung jerks his chin forward a bit. “Or does the Royal Betrayer still think he has some impact and power over others?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang might have lunged straight through Jisung’s throat for that comment if not for the way Seonghwa rushes to clamp his hand down hard on the man’s shoulder. He tugs Yeosang back with as much force as he can, but the simmering expression of anger on the lieutenant’s features is directed solely at Jisung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would advise you to watch your mouth, Han. As acting caption, I decide your place on this ship, and that is as a guest. We need you for the time being but not in the long run, thus you ought to learn your place and remember that well.” Seonghwa plasters a stretched grin over his lips. “Now, if you would please follow me to the bridge, we can discuss in more detail the plans moving forward.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He motions past Yeosang’s shoulder to the corridor leading to the bridge, but Jisung’s only response is to continue staring at you without saying anything for several seconds. Seonghwa’s gaze flits over to Yeosang, and the pair exchange a discreet nod before Yeosang shifts in your direction. His hand finds your arm, clamping down hard on the skin as he moves to pull you along, but another hand snakes out to push between the two of you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it not common courtesy amongst royalty to ask a lady before touching her?” Jisung bears a smile but venom drips from his tone in a way that sends shivers down your spine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I hate the military. Every single general and commander is corrupt beyond belief. There’s no circle in hell low enough for them. But those higher-ups? The royals who sit on their thrones and sip their expensive wine while prancing around like utter fools as the rest of us folk suffer and die on the streets… they’re the worst scum in the entire universe.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisung has never liked people in positions of power, but his incessant rants about royals were always the worst to sit through because he could go on for hours and hours. Thus, it doesn’t surprise you to see him bearing such a disdain for Yeosang. Even so, you do find it a bit odd seeing as Yeosang is hardly in a position of power now, and he is no longer a royal so there isn’t much he could do with that nonexistent power. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Think you can just take anything for yourself, is that it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Han Jisung,” Seonghwa hisses, teeth so tightly pressed together that the air whistles through them. “I have no qualms tying you to a chair in the brig and extracting information from you that way. You should consider me to be merciful because if Scourge were here, he would have already dragged you there by your ankles. Learn your place before I force you to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One corner of Jisung’s lips tugs upwards as he grins at the lieutenant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye, aye, </span>
  <em>acting Captain</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can breathe easy again after that thankfully because Seonghwa manages to tug Jisung down the hall without any further disturbances. Yeosang stands completely still and watches the two retreat without saying a word for a short period of time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your taste in men is questionable at best,” he grumbles after a bit, eyes continuing to bore holes into Jisung’s back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He just—” You stop yourself before any sort of defense slips out. It isn’t your job to defend him anymore. You have no need to protect him or say anything good about him at all. Yet even though you don’t need to, that inherent need to do so still resides in your gut. “He doesn’t like people in positions of power.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that so?” Yeosang hums to himself then shakes his head. “Come on. We can discuss the dreams you’ve been having and things you’ve noticed since coming on the ship while they’re discussing plans.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s enough indication for you to realize that he no longer wants to discuss Jisung, and that is frankly fine by you. The silence it leaves you in, however, is not welcome. You don’t realize how vehemently you are rubbing at the brand on the inside of your wrist until Yeosang glances over at you and comments on the repetitive motion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to rub the skin raw if you keep doing that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh,” you exhale, clenching your fingers into a tight fist and dropping your arms to your side. That’s all he says for the rest of the arguably short walk to his quarters, and he maintains a distance of several feet between you the entire time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can sit on the bed as long as you don’t touch anything,” Yeosang mutters once inside his room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a basic and unadorned room, something you didn’t expect from a man who grew up surrounded by excessive lavishness, but for some odd reason, it is so inexplicably Yeosang that you can’t be too surprised. The blond heads straight for a small desk pushed into the corner of the room, one that sits beside a tall bookshelf similar to the ones you see in Seonghwa’s room. You do as told and sit on the corner of the bed so close to the edge that you practically fall off. There’s no need to be comfortable if you aren’t going to be staying for long after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't need you messing anything else up so just stay put,” Yeosang says as he sinks onto the cushioned seat behind the desk. You pin him to the spot with a glare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Messing anything else up? What’s your issue with me?” You spit, arms coming up to cross over your chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm? Does there have to be a reason for me to not like you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t get what your fucking problem with me is. Ever since joining the crew, I have done nothing that directly hurts you or puts you in danger, so what the fuck is your issue with me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that so?” Yeosang arches a brow in your direction and matches your glare with one of his own. “If not for you, Wooyoung would still be here. Did you forget about that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That bites a bit too hard at your skin; it digs its way into your system and buries itself there to eat away at your bones. It’s the same guilt that has been eating away at you for the past few days, and you don’t need Yeosang to bring it up now and make it worse for you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like it or not, I have a connection with Wooyoung and we have to work together to get him, San, and Mingi back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate you,” Yeosang hisses. “I hate everything about you. And I especially hate your connection with Wooyoung. You are going to ruin him, and I hate you for it.” The tone he speaks with betrays the fact that there is more to it than that, but you aren’t particularly in the mood to have a tell-all discussion about all the reasons why Yeosang hates you. A pent-up confession, yes, but still not quite all there is to know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault that there’s something there. I didn’t </span>
  <em>ask</em>
  <span> for this, and I certainly don’t want it. I would be perfectly content being some damn Normie who didn’t have to worry about something like this,” you ramble without stopping to take a breath once. You blink furiously at the man as you catch your breath, eyes still blazing with uncontained rage when you decide to speak again. “It sounds like you are just jealous that you can’t be the one with a connection to him. Did you get everything you wanted when you were a prince? Is Wooyoung the one thing you can’t have?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang lifts an old book off his desk and chucks it at the wall adjacent to him. It slams hard against the metal with a clang. You manage not to flinch in the slightest, staring Yeosang down with the same amount of heat as before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Allow me to have an ounce of jealousy! I got to choose absolutely nothing in my life while I was a prince, contrary to popular belief. Everything was selected for me, whether it was by my bastard father or the whore that was my mother. Hell, even my younger brother got to choose more than I did! I didn’t choose Wooyoung, but my love for him is one of the only things I ever got to choose back then. Does that let you just waltz in here and have this inexplicable connection to him? When fate told us that we were never even supposed to meet? I won’t ask for your forgiveness in this matter, because I have every right in the universe to be angered and jealous.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then at least stop hating me for something I could not choose,” you demand, nose wrinkling in disgust as you spit the words in Yeosang’s direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Protecting Wooyoung at all costs is the only thing that truly matters to me.” Yeosang lets out a deep sigh and looks down at the desk before him. “I’ll stop hating you when you prove yourself not to be a threat to Wooyoung’s safety.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you expect me to do that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Getting Wooyoung back in one piece would be a fantastic place to start, don’t you think? Do you not feel that same way about San?” There’s a twitch in the corner of your eye that won’t go away even after Yeosang finishes speaking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like what you are trying to imply with that, Yeosang.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take it as you will,” the man states in response. He angles his sharp chin towards you, blond hair wavering a bit with the sudden motion. “Your feelings might still be a mystery to me, but I have known San for years. I know him well enough to see how clear his feelings are for you and what you mean to him. Is that not what is holding you back from our dearest lieutenant?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A bitter taste of ambiguity resides in his tone, and it’s something that you cannot get out of your mind. Yet the more you think about it, the more confusing it seems to get because there is no clear answer to Yeosang’s question. All this time, you figured it was Seonghwa who was holding back thanks to how he feels about Hongjoong. Sure, there was a possibility of your past love for Jisung getting in the way too but the realization that you would have to lose this crew in order to go back to him quickly dispelled the romantic notion of returning to him. San was never part of the picture — at least not in the way you think Yeosang is insinuating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” You ask after several breaths of terse silence. Yeosang doesn’t answer quite yet; he returns to staring blankly at the wood of his desk, fingers of his right hand coming up to rub at the inside of his left wrist without reason. You’re well aware of what lies under the fabric of his black shirt, the brand on his skin that you bear on your own, and the losses that came along with such a mark.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In order to give your all to someone,” he starts in a quiet tone, “you have to be willing to make sacrifices. I gave up a lot to save Wooyoung, but seeing the look on his face once we were finally free made all of it worth it. I would never go back unless it was to fully guarantee Wooyoung’s safety. You still haven’t found that moment with Seonghwa have you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your eyes give away the answer to that question in the way your darting gaze slips to the floor and avoids Yeosang’s insistent aura. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa mentioned the deal you made with Han to gain his cooperation in this mess. And how you don’t truly want to follow through with your end of the deal, yet you’re doing it anyway. For what reason?” You open your mouth to respond only to realize that it is merely meant as a rhetorical question when Yeosang continues speaking. “Because you are guaranteeing San’s safety, you would go to a place you don’t truly want to go. You would do something that every ounce in your body disdains to an unbelievable degree simply because it guarantees one person’s safety.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing it for Wooyoung and Mingi too,” you counter with too much haste, and it betrays the truth about the matter and your defensiveness. Yeosang’s lips quirk up into a slight smile. You would almost say that the gesture seems genuine in that moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You say that with your words yet your eyes tell all. It’s on you to recognize it.” He cuts himself short there and shakes his head a bit. “That’s all… that’s all beside the point, however, since this is supposed to be about your dreams.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what exactly is it you need to know about my dreams?” You tilt your head to the side as you ask the question, arms coming up to fold over your chest in a desperate attempt to defend yourself from his scrutiny.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, first of all, there’s something I’m curious about.” Yeosang shifts to pull something from the drawer, and when he resurfaces, he has a small bound leather journal in hand. “Wooyoung has had an incessant dream for years now — all the years I’ve known him actually — of a girl drowning in a black lake. He watches her head go underwater but can’t make out her features well enough to recognize her. He dives in to save her, swims to grab her, does everything he can to save him, but something always pulls her deeper and deeper. He can never reach her. He can never hear her screams. He can never see her face. All he can do is reach out for her hand and that’s it. But when you came aboard, that dream suddenly stopped happening altogether. He hasn’t had it since meeting you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve – I’ve never had any sort of dream like that. Just… one dream about seeing a man with dark hair across a black lake. But h-his back was to me, so I couldn’t see his face. For all I know it was some random person and not Wooyoung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And the other one?” Yeosang asks out of the blue. He arches a brow, eyes searching yours for answers, and you’re a bit taken aback by the question since you don’t recall mentioning a second dream to anyone other than Wooyoung. </span>
  <em>Ah… </em>
  <span>“He mentioned that one day in the medbay, where the two of you were late to the meeting on the bridge — you woke up shouting his name and asked him something odd.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, yes, but that… I had a dream about seeing Wooyoung in chains and the same collar he has now, but it didn’t feel quite like a dream. Moreso a memory than anything else.” Yeosang draws his lips into a tight purse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t help you there.” The dismissive nature of his tone sends a sudden spike of rage through you, and you level the Elitist with a harsh glare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean you can’t help me? If that truly is a memory, then I deserve to know what my own past is as much as Wooyoung does!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I — calm down, Y/N. I’m not saying that I am choosing not to help you; genuinely I cannot. I don’t know anything about that. Wooyoung’s past — the one prior to when the two of us met — I have no knowledge of it, and according to everything he’s told me, he doesn’t either. Before the batch of slaves he was in came to Aera, their minds were wiped. Just as yours was for the military.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Several years back, there had been one night in particular with your unit where all of you were up late in your bunks to exchange old ghost stories and legends, but something Hyunwoo had said at the time stuck out to you the most then.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What do slaves and soldiers have in common? The cost of their service is worth more than a lifetime.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And at the time, you hadn’t </span>
  <em>known</em>
  <span> exactly what that would mean in the long run, but now you think it makes quite a bit more sense. You sacrificed fourteen years of your life to join the military and be their property. Gave up an entire lifetime in service to the crown, and for what? You were no less a slave than Wooyoung must have been. How many years did they steal from him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung knows fairly little about his time before coming to the palace on Aera. Even saying fairly little is being more than generous. Perhaps the only thing I genuinely sympathize with as it concerns you is that. Your past was stolen from you, and there is no guarantee that you will ever get it back. While my childhood was far from pleasant, it always pains me when Wooyoung asks to hear about the times before him because I know that he doesn’t that. There is no ‘before me’ for him, just the day he stepped off a slave vessel and greeted my family.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t mean — how long exactly have the two of you known each other?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Since we were nine years old,” Yeosang replies, a soft and genuine smile painting his lips. “Fourteen years. We’ve spent over two-thirds of our lives together, yet it’s still not enough to take away the fact that Wooyoung has a chunk of his life missing entirely in memories.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Were you… his master?” Your mind can’t move past the fact that they have been together all this time, through the years that Wooyoung was a slave and onwards. You haven’t had anyone be a steady rock for such a long time; the longest you’ve ever spent with someone to your knowledge was four years at best. But fourteen? That is the amount of time missing from your own memories. Is it possible that you had someone the way Yeosang and Wooyoung had each other for so long? A foundation in your life meant to ground you?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, never. He was assigned to my side, yes, but my mother was his true master.” Yeosang’s expression grows grave in that moment, and you know the look in his eyes well enough to guess that it is a sensitive and touchy subject that you should avoid. Thus, you shake your head ever so slightly to dispel the curiosity and move to a separate question. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then how did the two of you come to be here together?” You know a vague telling of the story of Kang Minhee, the Royal Betrayer who abandoned his dying father when it was his time to take up the crown, but nowhere in those stories is another person mentioned. No slave, no Wooyoung, no trace of any other name besides Yeosang’s original one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My father was sick, and the stress it put on my mother’s shoulders made her more cruel. I couldn’t bear to see her harm Wooyoung anymore, and thus I did what I thought was best and set him free in the night. Told him to go off and gain passage on a merchant’s ship to get off the planet. Then, as a stroke of vengeance against my mother, I stole documents concerning one of her many affairs and threatened to bring them to my father so that he would know she was a cheap whore on his deathbed. But even princes can’t get away with such things. My mother swapped the documents and told the guards that I stole highly confidential war declarations among other things instead, and thus I was charged with treason, given my brand, and stuck in jail.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Obviously you got out,” you murmur, leaning a bit closer as Yeosang tells his tale. “And met up with Wooyoung at some point.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung is the only reason I got out. Rather than leaving the planet as I asked him to, he caught wind of how Kang Minhee had been placed behind bars for treasonous actions, and he thought it was because I helped him escape. He made a deal with a pirate crew to help gain my freedom, and Wooyoung personally set me free after six torturous nights of separation. I… being apart from Wooyoung for even that long was worse than treason itself. As my assistant, Wooyoung had a bed in my room so he could be at my side no matter the hour. He came with me anywhere and everywhere, even when it came to shadowing my father on his military tasks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There lies an unspoken cry of desperation in his words. You aren’t too dense to miss it, but the acknowledgment of said cry leaves a searing pain in your chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang drops his gaze to the desk. Something melancholy and sad takes over his expression, like he’s turning the pages back in a book and revisiting older chapters of his life that are less than pleasant, and for a moment, your heart goes out to him. The person he has had in his life for fourteen years — no doubt someone he never parted from even for a week — is no longer by his side. Again you feel that pull to bring Wooyoung back if only for Yeosang’s sake, for the sake of a faulty Elitist who found something more powerful than sheer reason and logic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get him back, Yeosang,” you whisper. “I’ll make sure of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your eyes open to a thick and palpable darkness that leaves you more than a little disoriented for several seconds. The scenery refuses to change around you even as you blink against the shadows to adjust to the shifting light. You blindly feel around for Seonghwa’s presence, stretching your hand out to find his form since the two of you were supposed to come to the Dreamscape together, but you can’t find him anywhere around you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Seonghwa?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Y/N,” he exhales, bringing an immediate wave of calm over your shoulders. A hand brushes over yours in the shadows, and you clasp tight at the fingers without second thought. “Something isn’t right.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You don’t need to be a scholar or have infinite knowledge about this place to recognize that, but Seonghwa’s confusion brings a knot of panic to your gut.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Where are we?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“The Dreamscape but…” Seonghwa trails off as something collides with wood, echoing a hollow sound, and his body stops moving immediately upon impact. “Hold on, there’s — it feels like a door.” Seonghwa fumbles around a bit at the wood before the panel slides open, disappearing into the side of the wall, and pale yellow light filters over you. You can’t see past Seonghwa’s broad shoulders, but the slight pulse of his fingers squeezing yours tighter doesn’t bring any relief to your bones. He keeps you there behind him even as he steps into the dimly lit room. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A small fire crackles somewhere ahead, the only sound in the den of silence you’ve entered. When you at last step around Seonghwa’s back to stand at your side, your heart practically stops dead in your chest because of the form that sits before the fireplace.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What’s going on?” Seonghwa asks before you have a chance to get anything out. None other than Daichi sits in front of the fire, hands clasped tight over his lap as he watches the flames dance before his eyes. Upon hearing, Seonghwa’s question, the old man jerks his chin to face the two of you. A heated glare greets you before anything else, along with a rage you haven’t seen from the man in a long while.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I warned you, Kazuya.” Unless you’ve suddenly occupied another unknown form, there is no way that Daichi is speaking to you, and the way the old man’s gaze shifts to your companion only confirms that suspicion. </em>
  <span>Umiko, Tsukio, and Kazuya? What significance are those names supposed to hold? </span>
  <em>“I told you both, in fact. I said not to go looking for more Sirens!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Daichi pushes up from his chair all of a sudden, seeming to grow in stature without warning as he looms over the fire, and crude shadows twist his features in ugly shapes and patterns. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It is your </em>
  <span>job</span>
  <em> to guide Sirens to each other,” Seonghwa hisses as he pulls forward to match Daichi’s heat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And yet I told you not to do exactly that! It may be my job, but it is not my duty to do so. I too am allowed to have free will.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then we have the same luxury! Who are you to keep us from finding others of our kind? Have we not been alone for long enough? Was it not you who guided us to find each other in the first place?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That was a stroke of faulty luck!” Daichi counters, and it causes Seonghwa to falter a bit. “Let this serve as a lesson in cruelty, boy. This place, this Dreamscape, it is mine to shape and mold. I have let you walk around too freely without consequence.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If Seonghwa has anything else to add to the argument, he does not get the opportunity to say it because Daichi pushes forward, body contorting and melding into a blur before your eyes as he steps through the fire and out of sight. You can hardly stand and gape at the scene that just transpired in front of you for long though; new voices rise to your ears, soft and warm tones that speak in hushed whispers. You turn as Seonghwa does, finding two new forms who seems utterly oblivious to your presence in the dim room. A young woman, hardly older than thirty by the looks of it, and a tall child with jet black hair stand on the creaking floorboards near the door. They don’t face you or even spare you the slightest of glances, too caught up in their own little world to breathe in your direction. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Darling, it’s time to run off to your hiding spot. Your favorite one, you remember?” The woman combs a few long fingers through the boy’s hair, brushing it off his forehead. “I’ll count down from ten, and by the time I’m done, you must be completely hidden. You know what to do, my angel.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She nudges his shoulder once, and it prompts the boy to lunge into action, little legs working hard to dash through the room and out of sight before she can even begin counting. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ten…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Seonghwa, what is this?” You murmur. Your gaze is so transfixed on the scene unfolding before you, and Seonghwa seems to be in a similar predicament but his face wears too much concern for you to feel at ease in this place. There lies an odd tension in the air, one that tells you this is not some fun child’s game that the mother and her son are playing. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Thr—”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Where the fuck is he?” The door jerks and wobbles as it is flung open, and in its place stands a man nearly as tall as the doorframe with similarly dark hair and a fair complexion. His brows are so closely knit that you can’t see the skin between them, evidence of the rage that falls off his body in waves. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Donghy—” The sharp and resounding smack of an impact too cruel for words interrupts her, and you turn away with a gasp on your lips. Seonghwa’s body jolts forward in their direction, but you snatch him by the wrist before he can move far. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Th-They can’t see us, Seonghwa,” you huff out, unable to look over your shoulder again. “They would have seen us by now if we could do anything.” Seonghwa offers no response but his hand tightens into a clenched fist that causes his knuckles to bleed white. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Where is that little brat? I finally worked out a good deal on the bastard, a quick trade for slave traders.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I – I don’t know. I haven’t seen him. H-He ran away earlier because I was yelling at him!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Did the fucker break another of your dishes?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No, no, he just – he wouldn’t shut up while I was trying to read. I… I don’t know where he is. I went out looking for him but couldn’t find him anywhere!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re just as useless as he is! Can’t even keep the fucker inside for two seconds while I go out and get the money for us?” Seonghwa tugs his arm out of your grasp, pushing away from you as best he can, and you follow him blindly to another door off to the side. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“W-Where exactly are we, Seonghwa?” You inquire, falling into step beside him. “What’s going on? Is this — is this a memory? Wooyoung’s?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No. It’s mine.” Seonghwa twists at the waist. You inhale so sharply that the air burns your throat and lungs, eyes blown wide at the shock of the revelation. A single long finger reaches out to point down to something near the fireplace, and you squint hard at the spot before realizing that a small vent sits at that exact spot on the wall. “I hid in that vent for four days to avoid my father at age six. By the time those four days were up, the slave dealer he had made a deal with had grown impatient and left the planet. And my mother took the brunt of my punishment for me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa turns back to the door before him and pushes through it. You follow close at his heels, hand hovering over the center of his back. The memory seemed less than pleasant for him, and you didn’t miss the disdain in his tone as he spoke about it, but offering comfort right now feels a bit out of place. The scenery shifts as you pass through the door, but only enough for you to realize that these doors aren’t going to get you anywhere. You now stand in a different house, one that is much more run-down and decrepit from the looks of it. The young boy – the young Seonghwa, to be more accurate – stands in the doorway at the front of the room, rain soaking his skin and dripping from his dark bangs. There isn’t time to look around and take in the surroundings more because the same woman from the first memory comes rushing into the room. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What do you think you’re doing, Seonghwa? You’re supposed to be at the military base training with the other recruits! Why are you here?” She stops in front of the boy and clasps her hands tight around his shoulders. All the boy can manage in response is a small shake of his head, and silence envelops the pair for so long that it grows uncomfortable. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I-I was rejected,” the young Seonghwa says at last. “They… they turned me away. I’m s-sorry, Mother, I’m so—”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Shh, my angel, it’s alright. Let me see your face.” The woman stoops to be eye level with the boy, hands reaching up to cup his face. As she lifts his head, you get a clearer look at the state of his face; it’s littered with bruises along with a split lip and a cut along his cheekbone where the skin has broken. “What happened!? Seonghwa, honey, wh-what happened to you?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It doesn’t matter.” The boy shrugs his mother’s touch off with a huff of air.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You shift to look at the real version of Seonghwa by your side, but his gaze remains locked on the scene unfolding in the room with glistening eyes that hurt to look at.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“The other recruits… at the time, they took me to an alleyway and bean me down like a dog,” he explains over the discussion between his memories. “All because I was born in a lower class, born in the Slums, not one of the Elitists who came from the Upper Echelon like them. Not good enough for the military even at age ten.” He exhales a loud scoff, teeth sinking into his lower lip so hard that you think he’s about to bite straight through the skin there. Seonghwa says nothing more; instead, he pushes back through the door you two just stepped through, only to welcome a new scene that causes him to freeze so quickly that you knock against his back.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Go, Seonghwa! Why can’t you just go?” His mother is on her knees before the figment of his memories, an older version of himself that is not much taller than the one you just saw. “Do what they want! For my sake, if nothing else. They offered so much money for you, more money than we’ve ever seen in our lives. If you would just </em>
  <span>go</span>
  <em>, they’ll give it to us! I’ll have enough money to live happily for the rest of my life without having to go out on the streets and sell my body. Don’t you want that for me? Doesn’t my own son want me to have that freedom? Ever since your father passed and left us alone, I’ve been suffering so much. Can’t my angel just go with them for my sake?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I – I don’t want to go with them. They want me to – I don’t want to sell my body to them, Mother. I-I’m too young, please.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It’s not the response the woman wants to hear, and she throws her hands down on her son’s shoulders, shoving the boy back until he stumbles and hits the creaking floorboards harshly. The Seonghwa at your side doesn’t let the memory continue past that point. He steps around you, fists clenched tight by his side and chest rising and falling with unsteady breaths. You aren’t sure how much more of these memories you can take, and that feeling must be increased tenfold for Seonghwa since this is his life he’s being forced to relive. There doesn’t seem to be an end in sight, this cruel torture of Daichi’s making returning again as you follow Seonghwa back through the door. This time, however, you step out into a rainy street, cold droplets painting your skin and sticking to your white gown.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There stands another Seonghwa in front of you, one that is a bit more like the real one who is at your side but still holds a bit of youth and innocence to his features. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It was pointless to try to keep you safe,” a voice hisses through the din of the rain. It’s his mother again, and this time she stands in a doorway completely shielded from the rain as her son takes the brunt of the barrage from above. “This was the only chance I had at a decent life. I could’ve moved to the Upper Echelon with all that money, but you just had to go and ruin it for me. Like you always do. You should never have been born! Look where it’s gotten me! That plague my father had was passed down to you and I have suffered every day because of it. I should have thrown you to the wolves the moment I learned what you are. You won’t be my fucking problem anymore, though. Go! Get out of here and don’t ever come back! You are not my son, you never have been, and never will be!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Imagine a child’s worst crime being that he was born to a world that didn’t want him.” The man at your side shifts to look you in the eye now, face contorting with disgust as he watches his memory play back. “All because I was born as a Siren. I spent sixteen years of my life being hated and turned away because of what I was. Even by people who didn’t know my identity. No one wanted me, and the only ones who were willing to pay for me were people who wanted me for my body and not what or who I was. And then…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa turns away with a smile. He pulls back once more and reaches back for the door behind him. You follow him without comment, unspoken curiosities at your lips as you step into a room full of overwhelming noise and the stench of alcohol. A bar, no doubt, and one that Seonghwa recognizes in an instant based on the way his shoulders fold back and he perks up at the sight of it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And then I found Hongjoong,” he whispers, dark eyes swimming with waves of emotions. You mimic his line of sight to find a near unrecognizable version of Hongjoong standing before a run-down bar counter with a mop of long brown hair styled in a messy mullet that runs down the back of his shoulders. And sure enough, another version of Seonghwa stumbles in as well, seemingly a continuation of the last memory with the way his hair is damp and sticking to his forehead. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Are you the one looking for recruits?” He pants as he comes up to the counter, stopping beside Hongjoong’s form.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Depends on who’s asking.” Hongjoong offers a shrug and swirls his drink around a bit, watching the golden liquor inside jostle. “And it seems like some morally right asshole is asking me now.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa pushes his shoulders back a bit and frowns at the man before him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I ask that you give me a chance.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then prove yourself. Are you truly prepared to do whatever it takes to be a pirate? Especially one on my crew? If you know how to shoot a gun properly and could kill an innocent with no qualms, then I suppose you could join the crew.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa moves in a flash. His hand snatches up the pistol on Hongjoong’s left leg and lifts it to the young captain’s temple, pressing the cool barrel against his skin without a drop of hesitation. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I asked for an innocent, and I am anything but that.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa’s arm shifts to point the gun at the bartender across from Hongjoong, and he doesn’t even blink before firing the gun just to the left of the man’s head. The din in the bar falls to a hush at that, all eyes moving to where Seonghwa stands and where the bartender has now fallen to the ground in a state of shock. An airy laugh leaves Hongjoong’s lips, and his head tilts back in amusement. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re hired. Here, old man, some extra credits for your troubles as well as another drink for my new companion here.” Hongjoong slips a credit chip across the counter, eyeing the bartender with wary eyes as he pulls himself back to his feet. The din behind them picks up once more without any issue. “What’s your name and age? You hardly look older than me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Um, Park Seonghwa, sixteen.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Kim Hongjoong, sixteen.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Aren’t you a bit young to be a pirate captain?” Seonghwa asks, head falling to the side in curiosity. Hongjoong pushes himself to his feet and steps around his barstool. He stands far shorter than Seonghwa, but that doesn’t seem to faze him in the slightest as he crowds Seonghwa against the counter. The taller boy grabs the wood and leans back over it to put some distance between him in Hongjoong, inhaling sharply as the other pushes further in. Hongjoong’s hands fall on either side of Seonghwa’s and effectively pin him to the counter. Seonghwa has to tilt his head down to see Hongjoong properly, eyes wobbling as one corner of Hongjoong’s lips twists upwards.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Are we going to have a problem with authority, Seonghwa?” The words are like honey on Hongjoong’s tongue. The taller simply gives a sharp shake of his head. Hongjoong hums to himself, tongue peeking out to drag over the front of his teeth. “I think we’ll get along quite nicely then.” Hongjoong leaves him with one more cruel smirk before pulling back completely and returning to his seat. He motions to the empty space beside him, which Seonghwa fills almost immediately. The bartender returns at that moment, setting new drinks on the counter with a hushed whisper.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Keep mum about the alcohol, I can’t be going out of business now.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hongjoong just smiles and flicks another credit chip over to the man, then raises his glass to Seonghwa. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“To a new partnership.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Cheers,” Seonghwa echoes in a mumble, mirroring Hongjoong’s motion. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The man at your side cracks the slightest of smiles.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“To think that at the time, my worst nightmare was merely existing.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And now?” You ask before you can stop yourself.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Not being able to save Hongjoong from himself.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You hardly realize how lost in the memory you are until something resounds behind you, almost like a voice crying your name in the darkness behind that door, and you don’t pay the man at your side any notice before turning to face the wood. It’s clearer now, the voices behind it, the soft mumblings that blossom into something loud and bright, and once you realize who those voices belong to, you waste no time in grabbing the handle and pushing your way into the memory. Seonghwa must notice your movements because he follows close at your heels, although this time it isn’t one of his memories that you step into. It’s something different, something you can’t quite recall but you recognize the faces strewn throughout the room nonetheless.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You’re suddenly back on Eros, home with your unit, all of them except for Hyunwoo. Jisung stands over a table that is littered with maps and old papers as the others stand around him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why are you leading this when it’s not your place, Jisung?” Juyeon is the one to pose the question, and you can’t keep from just staring at his features to drink in the sight of him since it’s been so long since you last saw him before you like this. “We all agreed to appoint Hyunwoo as leader, even you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hyunwoo isn’t here, is he?” Jisung snarls, reeling on his friend with a fire in his eyes. “He’s off mooching with the generals because they love him so fucking much! He doesn’t have to worry like the rest of us do; he’s no pathetic runt like the rest of us are.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Careful there, Jisung,” Soojin scoffs from Juyeon’s side. Her hair is just as bright and daring as you remember, a stark red that stands out against her skin and accentuates that natural beauty she always held. “That’s your inferiority complex slipping through.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What she means is — listen, Sung, I know you want to get this done, but we can’t make plans without Hyunwoo. And frankly… no one is going to follow you.” Juyeon exchanges a quick glance with the woman at his side, then another with the youngest of your troupe, Ash. “Let’s call it a night and wait for Hyunwoo to come back.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jisung doesn’t get to speak another word. Juyeon leads the way out of the room, disappearing into the darkness along with Soojin and Ash, and suddenly it’s like you and Seonghwa are left alone with just this weird figment of Jisung. A noise echoes from the corner. You shift to find the source, but when you do, your throat closes in on itself. It’s you. Some version of you, at least, one that you can’t even recognize well because of how </em>
  <span>young</span>
  <em> you seem to be. Wide, doe eyes that hold no hurt in them, features not marred by the harshness of your life that followed. Even if you don’t recognize this memory, you know for certain it isn’t one that happened after the ordeal with Hyunwoo and the king. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You aren’t allowed to leave,” Jisung mutters, barely sparing your younger form a glance. “You can’t leave, Y/N. Out of all people, you have the least right to walk out that door. You’re just like me, just a runt who isn’t good for anything. The two of us need to stick together.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What’s the plan then?” She asks, and Jisung grins back at the girl.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’ll explain everything.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“T-This isn’t right,” you choke out, reaching for Seonghwa’s arm. “This never happened. I don’t — I don’t remember this at all.” An odd sense of impending doom overwhelms you as you watch yourself approach the table beside Jisung, and you decide right then that you cannot handle being in this place any longer. You stumble backward, hand hitting the door hard and shoving against it in a desperate attempt to get out of the room. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The new scene you find isn’t any better than the last. Jisung sits in the middle of a monotone room, arms and legs bound to the chair under him. Some tall old man stands in front of his chair and Hyunwoo is at his side, looking as alive as can be, so much so that you choke on air and fall to your knees in an instant. Seonghwa’s hand finds your shoulder and clasps at it to offer some sort of comfort. In the corner opposite where you’re kneeling, the younger version of you is drawn tight into a ball with arms folded around her knees. Hyunwoo pulls away from the man beside him to come closer to the young girl – </em>
  <span>you</span>
  <em>, the innocent and young you who didn’t know how cruel the world could be at that point.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t watch this, Y/N,” Hyunwoo says as he folds an arm around her shoulders. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why is this happening? What’s going on? Hyun, I don’t understand why – why is he being punished?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Jisung was out of line. He… killed fourteen people. That wasn’t the mission, the mission wasn’t to kill anyone. It was just a simple recon mission. No one was supposed to die, especially not innocent people.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And why then are fourteen people dead?” The old man asks. The question is obviously directed at Jisung, but all he offers in response is to spit on the general’s feet with a sneer. The man swings his foot up, catching Jisung in the chin with a sharp kick that sends the younger sprawling across the floor in his chair.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I did nothing wrong! All I did was get rid of more competition that would stop us later on. People are afraid of us now. Our team is gaining a name for ourselves at last, and you fat fucks in power feel just as threatened as the rest of society, don’t you? We’re fearsome now. Ruthless, bloodthirsty, cruel. That’s what we’re known for.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The old man presses his foot down hard on the side of Jisung’s face and leans over his body. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That isn’t what you’re supposed to be known for. You are part of the military. You are supposed to obey the law and uphold the rules like everyone else. Not murder innocent people who weren’t even in the crossfire!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jisung’s eyes blaze with unbridled rage, bringing a bit of a crazed gleam to his dark orbs.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“They called Y/N a runt! A useless slave! I’m supposed to sit back and allow that disrespect to happen? They had to pay for their crimes! They were far from innocent.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You turn to Seonghwa, desperate for him to help you to your feet and get you out of this hell, but as you move, his face bleeds to white. Next thing you know, the ground disappears out from under you and you enter a freefall. A brilliant blood-red moon shines above you, taunting you with its glow as you drop, and it grows smaller and smaller the further down you fall. Your freefall only stops when you collide harshly with a body of water, and the black waters swallow you up and pull you under with no resistance. You thrash against the darkness, fighting your way to swim back up to the surface, but it’s to no avail because you can’t move. Something constricts your throat, chokes the air out of your lungs, and you watch helplessly as air bubbles float up to the surface without you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Something sharp closes around your ankle. Looking down offers no help because of how dark the waters are. You have no time to tug away from it before it pulls you down further, and the red light of the moon grows fainter and fainter with each passing second. As a last-ditch effort, you push all the air in your lungs into a scream that rings through the water. And that must do the trick, because as the sound pulses through the lake, something blindingly bright appears above you like a small beacon of hope in the night. It grows larger as it swims closer to where you continue to sink, and just as it starts coming into focus, whatever has a hold on your foot lets go of you as though burned. Hands wade through the murk to cradle your face, soft thumbs combing over your cheeks, and the light dulls just enough for you to see the face of your savior.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And when you do, your heart nearly quits functioning right then and there because it’s none other than Wooyoung who floats above you, hair bright and glowing a soft lavender around his head. His cheeks are puffed full of air and his eyes are so wide that they look like round gems in the glittering light. He doesn’t speak, nor does he give you any indication whatsoever of what is going on; all the man does is slip his hands lower to fold around your waist before he begins to swim back up to the surface. The lack of air in your system has you reeling and dizzy, along with the overwhelming confusion that radiates through your body as well. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When the two of you finally breach the surface of the water, you are close to losing consciousness. The sudden intake of fresh oxygen keeps you conscious for now, and you let your body go completely limp in Wooyoung’s grasp as he pulls you to the edge of the water. The light from his hair fades back into a muted black, wet strands clinging to his forehead and neck. You only bring yourself to use your muscles again once you reach the shallows, knees coming to rest on the sand so you can sit up straight and face the man. He doesn’t wait even a second before clasping your face in his hands again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know you,” he chokes out, voice too thick with emotion for your liking. The statement is startling enough as it is, although you have a sneaking suspicion that he doesn’t merely mean he knows you as Y/N L/N. “The girl who appeared in my dreams for years. The – the one I couldn’t reach. I can finally see you. Y/N, I…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung has had an incessant dream for years now — all the years I’ve known him actually — of a girl drowning in a black lake. He watches her head go underwater but can’t make out her features well enough to recognize her. He dives in to save her, swims to grab her, does everything he can to save him, but something always pulls her deeper and deeper. He can never reach her. He can never hear her screams. He can never see her face. All he can do is reach out for her hand and that’s it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I finally found you, Umiko.” Something about the way Wooyoung speaks and the glistening tears in his eyes brings you to tears yourself, a choked sob forcing its way out of your mouth for some reason unbeknownst to you. The moment leaves too soon. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A hand grasps your shoulder and yanks you back before you know it, tearing you away from Wooyoung’s grasp. Your attacker solidifies it with a kick to the center of your chest, and you slam back against the shallows. Daichi stands above you, a rage to his aura that you have never felt before. That’s all the warning you get from him. He swings his foot back down at your head this time, and you roll away from the attack only to be swung at by his fist. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why are you doing this?” You yell as you dodge the powerful attacks as best you can. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Tsukio is the Siren I warned you about, you fool!” Daichi shouts back, heel clipping the edge of your shoulder. The comment puts enough confusion in you for him to gain the upper hand, and he hits the side of your head with the back of his hand. “Do you not remember? ‘Someone near you is a dangerous threat, one that you’ve never encountered before. You must be careful. Guard yourself wisely.’”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Daichi pushes you flat against the sand and clasps his hands around the middle of your throat. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Tsukio can find you anywhere, even while far away! This mental connection you share, this link — the two of you are a dyad, a yin and a yang, a pair that cannot be severed. No matter how far apart you are, the two of you will always be able to come back to each other.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Come – come back? W-What do you mean?” The pressure around your throat increases just enough for you to cough, but you continue to push words out of your mouth like your life depends on it. “Did I know him before? Did I know Wooyoung somehow? That d-dream. Was it truly a dream or w-was it a memory?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’ve always told you that you were something unique and special, Umiko.” Daichi squeezes harder, and black spots fill the edges of your vision. “You assumed I meant that it was your identity as a Siren and were too bitter to listen to anything I told you. Both you and Kazuya should not pry for more answers. I will tell you absolutely nothing.” With that, Daichi pushes your head under the water, and it’s just deep enough for you to not be able to breathe. “Consider this to be your one and only warning, Umiko. Next time, I will end you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You jolt back into a state of full consciousness by choking on air and throwing your body upright. The room swirls for several seconds before coming into focus, and you find yourself seated on the floor beside Seonghwa’s bed with no recollection of falling off at any point. There is a body in front of you and another on your left side, but their faces don’t process in your mind until you’ve caught your breath a bit. It’s Jongho at your side, who presses a hand to your sweat-slick forehead with so much concern in his eyes that it’s overwhelming, and Yunho is knelt by your feet with a similar expression of concern. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh-Why are you here?” You ask, throat burning from the few words. Yunho glances over at Jongho, and the pair exchange unspoken words in their eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You pinged all our wristbands, Y/N. Called through the comms and said you needed help and that Seonghwa wouldn’t wake up,” Yunho murmurs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where? Where is Seonghwa?” Yunho motions towards the bed on your right, and you peer over the mattress to find Seonghwa sitting at the opposite edge of the bed with his head in his hands and elbows propped on his knees. Yeosang is in front of him, squatted to be eye level with the man, and he rests a hand atop one of Seonghwa’s knees. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa… when we came in, his body was in a state of shock, and his heart w-wasn’t — he was completely unresponsive. I almost couldn’t get him awake at all. On top of everything else we’re dealing with, why does this have to happen too?” Yunho drops his chin and exhales a shaky laugh. It’s a haunting reality that Seonghwa almost died in his sleep because of Daichi and his warning, but nothing ever felt quite as real as it did this time. “This must be some sort of bad omen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho drops a hand to your leg before pushing himself to his feet. He steps around the bed and makes a beeline for Seonghwa now, leaving you in Jongho’s care for the time being. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell happened?” Jongho asks once Yunho is out of earshot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… it was – just a bad nightmare.” You can’t look Jongho in the eye when you speak the lie, too ashamed to even be lying in the first place, and it’s only when your gaze wanders around the room a bit that you realize one person in particular isn’t present. “Where’s Jisung?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We saw him to a spare bedroom after dinner, so I’d assume he must still be in there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t come out with the commotion?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What could he do even if he did?” Jongho shrugs a bit and lets his hand drop to your shoulder. He makes a good point in his statement, and it’s enough to shut you up and not prod the subject further. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need Seonghwa to the medbay with me so I can run some sleep tests and make sure everything is normal in the brain and heart,” Yunho states, peeking over to where you and Jongho are still seated. “Y/N, I’m a bit concerned about you not remembering calling for help, so I’d like you to—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” you interject, swallowing roughly. Yeosang looks at you over Seonghwa’s shoulder, and your eyes meet for the briefest of moments. He inclines his chin a bit as though trying to tell you something, but you can’t decipher what the hell he’s trying to say in the slightest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jongho, you help Seonghwa to the medbay with Yunho. I’ll stay with Y/N for the time being.” Yeosang’s suggestion seems to catch everyone off-guard, including you, but based on the look in his eyes, there’s something else going on so you can’t find it in you to fight it. Jongho glances down at you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that – will you be okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine, Jongho, I promise,” you murmur back, placing a hand over where his rests on your shoulder. “Go with Seonghwa and make sure he’s okay first. I just feel exhausted right now honestly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, if you need anything—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll call you, Jongho. Okay?” You press a weak smile onto your lips. The Berserker seems content enough with your words, and he helps you to your feet before stepping around the bed to do the same for Seonghwa. You sink back onto the mattress almost immediately, watching with a heavy heart as Jongho loops Seonghwa’s arm around his shoulders and helps carry the man out of the room. You wait to speak again until after the door slips shut and leave you alone with Yeosang. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t call the others right away,” he says, tone so quiet you have to lean in to catch it. “Wooyoung called me asking for help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung — he what? In m-my body?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I thought – I thought it was a joke at first but he confirmed it was him, so I came over as quickly as I could. He said that you were crying out for his help so loudly that he passed out to come to you. Did you go to his body?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was unconscious the entire time. But Wooyoung… he came to me in my dream.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung was brief in his explanation to me, but he seems to think that it can only happen when one of you needs help too. He only heard you when you needed him, and he said that just before you came to him the first time in the cell… he was crying out for some sort of help. Then you showed up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t mean that he came to my body in my dream,” you say as you push yourself further onto the bed and face Yeosang head-on. “I was drowning in a black lake, and Wooyoung saved me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“His dream?” Yeosang’s expression melts into one of shock. He draws his lips into a tight ‘o’ then stares down at the floor. “He mentioned finding someone. He kept ranting on and on about how he finally found </span>
  <em>her</em>
  <span>. I was trying to get him to focus on the issue at hand, but he just wanted to talk about that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But he didn’t wake me up. How did he help then?” Perhaps he was trying to pull you out of the dream before Daichi interrupted. But Wooyoung couldn’t have possibly been in your body at the same time that he was in your dream, so it must have happened after Daichi attacked you since Yeosang said Wooyoung mentioned finding you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t about helping you, Y/N,” Yeosang whispers. He glances down at the spot where Seonghwa was just seated. “You asked him to help you save Seonghwa.” It hits then that as you were fighting for your life between drowning in a lake without relief and being attacked by Daichi, your subconscious was only worried about whether Seonghwa was okay or not. “He had to take control to call for help, but before he called me, he pulled Seonghwa’s body out of shock at least enough to get his heart going again. He stalled the shock long enough to get Yunho over here after talking to me first. He called the rest through your wristband after. Something must have happened on his end though because as soon as he finished speaking, your body dropped and went unconscious again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did Seonghwa mention what he saw?” You inquire, but a large part of you is too afraid to hear the answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You weren’t with him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We… were separated at some point.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t say anything about what he saw, but he was too shaken up to even speak. One would think that based on the visceral reaction his body had, it was something far beyond his worst nightmare.” Your body moves before your mind does, and you are suddenly on your feet again upon hearing Yeosang’s words. He regards you with a puzzled stare for a moment, eyes watching you move around the bed and to the door on unsteady feet. “Where are you going?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to talk to Jisung. I… I have some questions about my past.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: hi hi HI guess WHO yeah its me its been a minute im SORRY this chapter just did not want to cooperate no matter what every time i sat down to write until today it was like No. but then i hit my stride and wrote like 6k today oopsie anyway hi info dump im so sorry about how much info there is in this one and sldfjlsdkf there’s a lot of backstory and symbolism and im afraid it’s a Mess but it iz what it iz so we’re rolling with it and im kinda delirious so that’s All i’ll say so yeehaw let me know how you feel what you think i love u all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Act Five - Part Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>chapter specific warnings: talks of torture, psychological torture, mentions injuries/infections, mentions of past abuse</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I need to talk to Jisung. I… I have some questions about my past.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go with you then,” Yeosang offers without missing a beat, and he steps into your space. “That Spectre can’t be trusted enough to be alone with you. It’s bad enough that he’s being left alone right now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just yesterday you were talking about how much you hate me,” you scoff, turning away from the door to stare him in the eye. “Now you’re wanting to protect my every movement?” A huff of air passes through the man’s lips. For a moment, he refuses to look at you, and you think he’s going to choose to ignore you rather than respond to the question.</p><p> </p><p>“Having Wooyoung speak to me through you put things in perspective a bit,” he admits. He drags his tongue over the front of his teeth, then shifts to face you without resistance this time. “If there is even the slightest chance that your death could negatively affect Wooyoung, I have to make sure that doesn’t happen. Don’t worry, I still hate you. I can’t stand you one bit, and I wish that I had a damn guarantee that you getting hurt wouldn’t risk Wooyoung’s safety because I could care less about looking after you on top of all this mess. Besides Wooyoung — he asked me to look after you, and my feelings about you are meaningless compared to what he wants.”</p><p> </p><p>You haven’t had much of an opportunity to think about all the ways in which you and Wooyoung could be connected. While there is no guarantee that harm to you would harm him physically too, Yeosang does have a point. Just the chance is enough to be wary about. The same could be true the other way around in turn — anything they do to Wooyoung could potentially hurt you too, but there is no possible way of confirming that at this point in time. All you can do is wonder whether you will be able to see him and the others when you sleep next, should you even be able to sleep because it doesn’t sound tempting at all after what you just had to go through.</p><p> </p><p>Your dragging hesitance must bother Yeosang to some degree because he huffs out another sigh and steps around you to lead the way out the door. You shift to follow him, stepping forward into the corridor only to run face-first into the Elitist’s back in less than a second. One peek around the curve of his shoulder tells you why he’s stopped so suddenly, and it’s none other than Jongho who stands before the two of you in the hall.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh good, perfect timing. We need everyone to the medbay immediately,” Jongho says with a short nod, looking past Yeosang to give you a glance as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Did something happen?” You ask in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong woke up, and he asked to see everyone.”</p><p> </p><p>“He woke up? Why? No, no — how is he up?” Yeosang is the one to begin rambling, and he doesn’t stop there. “There were no signs of changes in his condition. I thought Yunho said it could be another several days before he woke up?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know either honestly.” Jongho brings a hand up to drag his fingers through his hair, pushing the locks off his forehead for a moment before they fall flat against his face again. “I came straight away the second Hongjoong gave the order. I don’t even know what the situation is quite yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Your conversation will have to wait then,” Yeosang murmurs. The two of you exchange a small nod, although you can’t say you’re too upset about having to postpone the conversation with Jisung.</p><p> </p><p>“Conversation?” Yeosang steps around Jongho as the Berserker asks the question, and you are left to regard each other with confusion while Yeosang starts a path down the corridor.</p><p> </p><p>“I was going to talk with Jisung about some things,” you explain, ducking your head to avoid the look Jongho gives you. It’s not one that causes any discomfort — moreso there is too much sympathy in that expression he wears, too much underlying pity that makes the pit in your gut deepen further. “Later. It’s fine, nothing pressing.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongho reaches a hand out and takes hold of your elbow. The touch is delicate, probably one meant to offer some sort of comfort and nothing more, and that’s exactly what it does. Moments later, you are walking after Yeosang with a much lighter feeling swelling in your chest that you can’t pinpoint or explain.</p><p> </p><p>When the three of you reach the medbay at last, Yunho stands outside the doors, hands close to his chest as he wrings them together without cease.</p><p> </p><p>“Why aren’t you inside with Seonghwa?” Jongho asks upon seeing the healer.</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong asked — he asked for a minute alone with Seonghwa.” Yunho blinks furiously as he speaks, and the motion of his hasty blinks is nearly dizzying in its frequency. “Under normal circumstances, Seonghwa would be the one to inform Hongjoong of the situation but… but Seonghwa still refused to speak even after seeing Hongjoong awake. He — what the fuck happened to the two of you during the night?”</p><p> </p><p>You know the question is directed at you, but it still catches you unaware nonetheless. You can do nothing but stare back at him with wide eyes as the words process along with Yunho’s shaken-up disposition.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure,” you mutter. Yunho purses his lips, and a small exasperated sigh slips through, enough to show his annoyance with your answer, but Jongho steps in front of you before the healer can say anything. “I recall having a nightmare of my own but Seonghwa wasn’t there with me — I, no, that’s not — I mean he wasn’t—”</p><p> </p><p>“Seonghwa had a nightmare,” Yeosang interjects, saving you from the moment of panic and from further fumbling with your words. “I managed to coax a bit out of him while you and Jongho were talking with Y/N. He had a dream that he was choking which is why he stopped breathing, and because he was so deep in the nightmare, he couldn’t wake up when Y/N tried to get him up the first time. You ended up startling him out of the nightmare and back into consciousness.” It could be a complete lie on Yeosang’s part, but it is logical and adds up in your mind to make some amount of sense. It saves your ass for certain, and that’s all you could ask for given your awkward and helpless fumbling. Yunho, however, doesn’t seem pleased with the response based on the way he shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t add up,” he mutters, arms coming to fold over his chest. “Whatever he was dreaming about had to have been more traumatic than that since he had no other symptoms that lined up with other causes of shock. Trauma is the only logical option given what state he was in. Shock… it’s not just a quick jolt, it’s a critical condition brought on by a sudden drop in blood flow through the body. So trauma, heatstroke, blood loss, allergic reactions, infections, poisoning, burns, those sorts of things. His organs were not getting enough blood or oxygen, but just physically I could not see any sort of physical causes proving that. I can run some poison checks, but that truly wouldn’t make any amount of sense.”</p><p> </p><p>“Even if it was something merely traumatic, what makes you think that he would ever want to talk about it with someone who always seems to want to pick him apart for every decision he’s made in life?” Yeosang levels Yunho with a glare so intense that you can almost feel the spike of tension in the air between them. “He was unresponsive with you for a reason no doubt. Maybe you shouldn’t have criticized him so much for decisions that didn’t involve you.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>He </em> involved <em>me</em> the second he started complaining about the arrangement betwe—”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s enough,” Jongho cuts in, and he lifts a hand to rest atop Yunho’s arm. “Let’s not get heated right now. I can confirm that the emotional aura coming off Seonghwa’s body was something far beyond even a moderate level of trauma. Just being with Hongjoong in there is already helping some, but it will likely take some time for him to recover.”</p><p> </p><p>“This is the worst possible timing,” Yunho sighs. “With tensions already high and everything… right when we need Hongjoong and Seonghwa the most, things like this have to happen?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hongjoong is up now though, so that won’t be as much of an issue any longer.” Yeosang has a valid point with that one. Although without Seonghwa… you don’t want to have to think about how things would be without Seonghwa in all honesty, and it’s hard enough to even conjure up the smallest of thoughts about it. “Has anyone had eyes on Han?” Jongho is the first to deny it.</p><p> </p><p>“I still feel his aura in the spare room we gave him. He didn’t budge at all during the night prior to the incident happening so I don’t think he’s behind that either.” Jongho’s words are enough to bring an unsteady silence to the four of you. There is nothing that can be said really, and you understand that better than anyone. How could you even try to explain the things you saw in your dream? You aren’t sure what you thought you would say to Jisung either; that was moreso a spur-of-the-moment decision made in a panic, and it’s probably for the better that you don’t go see him now.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate this,” Yunho mutters after the silence grows unbearable. “It’s too quiet without the others here.”</p><p> </p><p>“We should enact a plan soon, especially with Hongjoong up,” Yeosang says back. “Seonghwa won’t want to take a break or any recovery time, so things should be business as usual from now on. Can’t we hurry this along a bit? I doubt anyone is going back to bed soon, so talking with Hongjoong now would be best, no? Discussing plans so we can catch up to the transport ship the others are on?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just a moment, yeah.” Yunho dips into the medbay. When the door slides open, you catch a glimpse of what’s inside, for better or worse. Seonghwa resides on one of the beds, the one closest to the door actually, and Hongjoong is as well, body draped over Seonghwa’s like an extension of the man, It’s not anything inappropriate, nor does it seem to be in the way the smaller captain straddles his hips and clings to his lieutenant like his life depends on it.</p><p> </p><p>Looking at them like this — something close, intimate, calm, peaceful almost — you nearly feel as though you shouldn’t be present. It’s a crawling sensation that spreads to your stomach and chest, eyes trailing over the places where one man meets the other, and if not for looking so intently at the scene before you, you would miss the hefty tear tracks over Seonghwa’s cheeks. One of Hongjoong’s hands curls through Seonghwa’s hair as the other wraps tightly around one of the lieutenant’s.</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong pulls his hand down from the other man’s head, brushing over the tear-stricken skin of his cheek. He is clearly looking down at the man but Seonghwa doesn’t look back. Instead, he keeps his eyes shut tight with a few tears spilling out the corners. And in the back of your mind, you barely process how much you hate seeing Seonghwa in such a state, broken and crying without relent, and you hate how you seem to be just fine in comparison to him. The two of you were in the same place, suffering the same fate of being put through nightmares, and yet you came out of it because Wooyoung saved you. Did Seonghwa have anyone there to save him?</p><p> </p><p>It is pointless to think of that now, but it’s all that is on your mind as you watch Hongjoong’s lips move with haste, muttering words that must be meant to comfort under his breath. You are too far away to hear it all clearly, although a few words slip in here and there.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re okay… here… we’re here… together, okay? It wasn’t real… trust… I’m here.”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho clears his throat when Hongjoong still doesn’t pull his attention away from Seonghwa, but even that announcement doesn’t cause the captain to budge even a little bit. Instead, he continues his hushed whispers for a few more moments then lifts the hand that is still tangled with Seonghwa’s in a pausing motion.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll talk more about it later, yeah?” He murmurs a bit louder as he pulls back to glance over in Yunho’s direction. His gaze slips past the healer’s should to find you in an instant, and you duck your chin in a panic, eyes finding the floor. It’s the feeling of being caught doing something you shouldn’t or watching something you shouldn’t be watching, and seeing Hongjoong atop Seonghwa in such a way is the cause of that. Perhaps he expects you to be jealous and scowl at him, and perhaps that is exactly what you are supposed to feel, but frankly… it doesn’t make you envious in the slightest. You moreso feel content at the sight of them holding each other so closely, like Seonghwa is finally at peace with Hongjoong in his grasp and awake. Hongjoong is finally up, can finally comfort him, and Seonghwa can finally rest easier. Why would you ever want to take that away from him?</p><p> </p><p>The sight of them so closely linked, however, brings up a fleeting memory from your foray in the Dreamscape.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“To think that at the time, my worst nightmare was merely existing.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And now?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Not being able to save Hongjoong from himself.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Albeit briefly, you wonder if that might be what Seonghwa saw once the two of you were separated. Even moreso than that though, the more pressing worry on your mind is just how deep Hongjoong’s demons run for Seonghwa to be so concerned that it has become his worst nightmare. You don’t have any more time to think about it as Hongjoong slips off of Seonghwa’s body and props himself on the edge of the bed. Seonghwa moves to sit up as well only to have Hongjoong’s hand slap down on his chest and shove him back to the bed with little effort. They don’t exchange any words, but they don’t need to either with the way one corner of Hongjoong’s lips quirks up in a half-smile as he blinks down at his lieutenant. Perhaps Vladimir had a point in the backhanded comment he made in the arena — when you see the way Hongjoong gazes at Seonghwa, it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen or experienced before, like Seonghwa could do no wrong in the captain’s eyes, and like he’s the most precious creature in existence. Hongjoong slips his hand down to the inside of Seonghwa’s thigh, resting his fingers against the fabric of his pants just above the knee. It’s nothing… lewd or suggestive, nor does Seonghwa seem to take it as such, moreso a touch of comfort and nothing more.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, are you all going to get in here or not?” Hongjoong leans to look past Yunho’s shoulder, regarding the rest of you with a stare that is enough to cause you to step inside. Yeosang does the same and comes in behind you, but Jongho doesn’t budge even an inch. Instead, he stays in the corridor with arms crossed over his chest and eyes darting down the hall every so often like he’s expecting Jisung to come bursting out at any second. Hongjoong waits but you have a growing suspicion that he’s not waiting for Jongho to come in necessarily. “I asked for the whole crew, Yunho. Where are the others?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Does he not… did no one tell him of the situation? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Yunho inhales sharply but doesn’t manage to do anything more than that, teeth sinking into his lower lip. Yeosang, however, doesn’t let any silence drape over the room in the aftermath of Hongjoong’s question. He takes the initiative and steps forward with an expression so flat and even that you nearly believe nothing is wrong in the slightest.</p><p> </p><p>“During the mission at the arena, Mingi, San, and Wooyoung were all taken captive and are currently missing in action. Vladimir was used as an instrument to get the ball rolling, but someone else is behind the incident. The three are aboard a transport vessel that is on its way to Dorado, where Mingi will be sent to a recreational facility to reprogram him back into the Brute of Kebos. San and Wooyoung were not the initial targets, so their fates and what will happen to them are currently unknown. We — we have someone aboard who is acting as a mole for us and gaining information from Vladimir, Han Jisung. He’s also eavesdropped on several meetings to get information about the transport vessel and the plans.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I know that part,” Hongjoong hisses through gritted teeth. A flash of panic crosses Yeosang’s gaze for a split second, and the two of you seem to instinctively share in that panic by looking towards each other.</p><p> </p><p>“H-How?” Yunho stammers.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you think I’m even up in the first place? A certain Han Jisung came in here and woke me up.” Seonghwa sits up without hesitation and latches a hand around Hongjoong’s shoulder. The captain doesn’t even have time to react before both Yeosang and Yunho are suddenly stepping closer to the bed and into his personal space as well. Your first instinct, on the other hand, is to twist at the waist and look towards where Jongho stands in the hallway.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you sense anything? I thought you said he was in his room this whole time.”</p><p> </p><p>“I… No, I truly didn’t sense anything. It must have been during the commotion in Seonghwa’s room. That—” the Berserker cuts himself short there, tongue darting out to wet his lips before he finishes the thought “—that was the only time I didn’t think to check for his heat signature. By the time I was certain the crisis was averted, Jisung must have gotten back to his room.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong shrugs Seonghwa’s touch off as best he can before pushes the man back to the bed with another gentle touch.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry. He didn’t lay a finger on me.” Even though the words are clearly directed at Seonghwa, they hold weight over Yeosang and Yunho as well, bringing both men a few steps back from the bed. “Han Jisung is the one you should worry about.”</p><p> </p><p>And as much as you despise it and wish your brain did not catapult in that direction, you cannot stop the twinge of panic that surges through your veins. It must be strong enough to pique Seonghwa’s interest because however hard you try to conceal the emotion on your face, you cannot keep the Siren from sending a worried glance your way. You don’t wish to care for Jisung still, you wish you could just bury that part of yourself and focus on something else instead — something like Hyunwoo, who deserves more than what you gave him, but your mind clings to Jisung like a parasite. You aren’t sure it will ever let up.</p><p> </p><p>“I left him with several pretty threats that were enough to deter him from doing anything foolish. But he in turn informed me of the situation from his perspective. I merely wanted to hear from you all to make certain he was telling the truth. So thank you, Yeosang, for sharing the information better than this Jisung character did. Although, he did tell me what they intend to do with Wooyoung and San. Wooyoung is set to be sold to the House of Lilies in the Upper Echelon of the capital, Lynder.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell is the House of Lilies?” The name itself leaves little to the imagination, but you can’t exactly blame Yeosang for needing the verbal confirmation. This time it isn’t Hongjoong who answers, though, and for what seems to be the first time since waking up, Seonghwa opens his mouth to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s… a whorehouse for the top class of Lynder, typically only used by the military and head councilmen of the city.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a fucking <em>what</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>If they’re putting Wooyoung in a place like that, then you don’t want to imagine where they would put San.</p><p> </p><p>“San. Wh-what about San? Do they plan to do the same to him or—”</p><p> </p><p>“No, they have different plans for him,” Hongjoong interjects, cutting your thought into a silent breath of relief. “He’s slated to be put through regression therapy and built into the perfect assassin. After that, he’ll go into the military in the Upper Echelon of the capital. He and Mingi will be put in the same facility for their treatments, but Wooyoung’s deal is supposedly more immediate.”</p><p> </p><p>“Regression therapy? That’s the worse possible treatment San could ever receive!” You don’t really need to hear the panic in Yunho’s tone right now; it only makes the gravity of the situation weigh heavier on your shoulders. If you could sink through the floor and disappear from existence entirely, that would be preferred, but alas, no matter how much you wish for it, you’re stuck in place. “That could undo every ounce of progress he’s made over the years! All that — everything, Hongjoong.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong’s tongue flicks out for a second, stabbing the corner of his lips harshly before retreating back into his mouth. He presses his lips into a thin line after that and refuses to respond to Yunho’s words.</p><p> </p><p>Regression therapy. You’d heard of it during your stint with the military, a thing that was merely used as a threat for rowdy and unruly recruits who refused to do as asked. Only a threat because of how awfully traumatic it could be and how inhumane the public thought such a treatment to be. But the point was not to be humane then.</p><p> </p><p>“They’d… use regression therapy to undo all that progress for a reason,” you murmur. The heat of five stares hits your body, and it’s almost overwhelming for a moment but you push forward to finish the thought. “Breaking him down into the husk he used to be is only part of the process. Once he’s put in the military, they’ll just wipe him of it either way, but to seem like they’re doing it consensually, they have to get him to go in there by choice. That’s how things worked on Eros. They threatened to bring back memories from before the wipe if you stepped too far out of line. They’ll break him, turn him into what he used to be, make him as deprived and desperate for even an ounce of freedom, then offer to take it all away.”</p><p> </p><p>You don’t realize how hard you are gripping the inside of your right elbow until the pressure stings, but the moment you release your arm, that temporary grip on reality slips away and you fall into a vague flashback.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Things will be okay, Y/N, I promise. It’s gonna be okay.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hyunwoo is the one to speak to you. Your attempts to reach out and grab him are futile as you quickly find that you are strapped to a cool metal chair that practically burns your skin. Hyunwoo reaches down, lips twisting into a soft pained smile, and he takes one of your hands in his own. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’ll only hurt a little bit. We won’t take much, just enough for them not to be able to track it back to you. If you don’t know then they won’t be able to pin the blame on you, and you’ll be safe. So we’ll only take what we need to, okay?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I-I don’t know who ‘they’ is.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You won’t need to know after this. Jisung is prepping the serum now.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I — Hyunwoo, I didn’t even get to say goodbye!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry. This was the only way I could save you all. Maybe one day you will get to see each other again, and you can tell him the truth. And he can tell you the truth.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What fucking truth? You can’t do this now of all times, Hyunwoo! It isn’t the time to be cryptic and mysterious!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’ll understand one day, Y/N. I promise.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>You pull yourself out of the flashback there, mostly because you’re so startled and confused as to why that memory slipped in. You were certain that you shared that conversation with Hyunwoo just before he walked to his death, not strapped to a chair with him saying such startling things.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right,” Hongjoong mutters, tugging you back to reality so harshly that you flinch. “Once they get on Dorado and conduct Wooyoung’s deal, they’ll separate Mingi and San. Probably place them in separate rooms: San to an isolation chamber, a large one no doubt. Mingi will most likely be placed in a much smaller one that will resemble the underbelly of the arena he grew up in.” Hongjoong pauses his thoughts there and shakes his head. “Han Jisung seems to know far too much about these plans and exactly what is going on. Why isn’t he tied to a chair in the brig right now?” Seonghwa opens his mouth to reply only to have Hongjoong wave his hand and dismiss the question entirely. “That isn’t important right now. What’s important is that we must keep any and all information found from henceforth away from Han Jisung. No plans, no musings, nothing whatsoever. That all stays between us as we cannot trust Jisung no matter what. I would rather keep a gun stuck to the back of that man’s head at all times than risk failure at this. Emergency rescue and recovery mission. We’ll talk further over the details soon. It’s best to get more rest now though.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d like to run some sleep tests anyways,” Yunho chimes in, and he turns to you before you have a chance to duck out of it. “Both you and Seonghwa. Don’t think I’d let you get out of it. Please just let me run a few tests, if anything only to make sure you’re okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” you mutter. Yunho doesn’t wait for you to follow him as he leads the way to another bed further down in the medbay. Sleep is the last thing on your mind right now, but you don’t have much of a choice as the healer sits you down and starts pulling wires and electrodes out. Hongjoong continues to talk to Yeosang a bit more, no doubt to decide on what to do moving forward.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be hooking you up to a telemetry machine. It’s just to monitor your heart and see if there are any irregular happenings during the night. I’ll use it mostly to make sure it’s all beating properly and such while you’re asleep, but I’ll also place some sensors on and around your scalp, temples, chest, and legs, along with a small clip on your finger to monitor the oxygen in your blood. I’ll be here the whole night monitoring you both if any issues arise, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” You don’t make any efforts to hide the slight exasperation in your tone, and Yunho has the decency to at least pick up on that as he connects more of those sensors to your skin.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m… I’m really sorry, you know. It’s — I know I have a lot to be sorry for and this one shitty apology won’t do much, but I am genuinely sorry,” he murmurs quiet enough for just the two of you to hear. “For all the ways in which I have been immature and hurtful. I did not act as a responsible or good doctor shoulder, but also from a deeper standpoint, I didn’t act as a friend should either, so I’m sorry for that as well. I want to do better and fix those mistakes but I don’t know how to right now. With all the stress we are under right now, I don’t want to risk making things worse by any means but... I can promise that I’ll try to do better.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not petty like that,” you huff in reply. “Just you admitting that you did wrong and want to do better is enough for me. Just trying is enough. Maybe… try not to be a defensive asshole next time?” You dare to look up at the tall man’s face to gauge his reaction and are pleasantly surprised to be greeted with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“My goal is to avoid doing that again, yeah,” he laughs. His grin falls within a second, however, and he next brushes a hand over your hair with a small frown painting his thin lips. “You really gave us a scare. Hearing you call us for help only to go in and find you unconscious on the floor? We thought Jisung had gone in there and attacked you both. It was something out of a horror novel.”</p><p> </p><p>You turn away as heat rises on your cheeks, and the only thing you can do to cover your embarrassment is cough awkwardly.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I must have been so stressed and tired that I passed out right after.” That isn’t wholly a lie seeing as that’s what happened to Wooyoung according to Yeosang. Still, that begs a more pressing concern of what exactly happened on Wooyoung’s side of things for him to leave so suddenly. Perhaps the only good thing that could come out of this sleep test Yunho wants so desperately is the possibility of checking on Wooyoung and the others.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re all set up now. You shouldn’t notice a thing unless we run into any issues, but again, I’ll be here to monitor throughout the night, and I’ll write up the scans in the morning.” Yunho pulls back with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” you mutter, settling back onto the creaky bed without further ado, but you know that sleep won’t come any time soon. So instead, you resort to watching Yunho make his way over to Seonghwa’s bed and repeat the same process he just did with you on the lieutenant. Yeosang dipped out of the medbay at some point apparently because he no longer stands before Hongjoong at the foot of the bed, and Jongho must have gone with him because the doors are now snapped shut. Hongjoong has his fingers curled tight around Seonghwa’s again, and once again that sense of distant longing seems to fall over the captain. He remains silent as he watches Yunho attach pads and wires to Seonghwa’s body. The feeling that next creeps over you isn’t one of jealousy or envy.</p><p> </p><p>Your mind conjures up the image of San sitting at the foot of your bed like Hongjoong does with Seonghwa. San reaching a hand out to take hold of yours as he blinks down at you with concern. San brushing your hair out of your face and murmuring soft encouragements to you. Cat-like eyes and a dimpled grin gleaming above you like a whisper of hope.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a painful reminder of reality: how San isn’t here and can’t be either. It’s a painful reminder that causes the corners of your eyes to sting against your will, emotions welling up so strongly in your chest that you double over to alleviate some of the pain there.</p><p> </p><p>When you dare to look back at the bed, Yunho has walked around the side of the cot to stand before Hongjoong. Hongjoong’s free hand moves up to rest on the dip of Yunho’s hip, falling down to the top of his thigh for a fraction of a second then finding purchase on the mattress once more. Yunho pulls a stool forward and seats himself before the captain.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to do a few more routine checkups on you too, just to make sure you’re okay since you didn’t rest as long as your body wanted. Eyes okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can see you just fine if that’s what you’re asking.”</p><p> </p><p>“Any pain in your ears? Ringing? The vibrations from the bomb will have shaken you up quite a bit.”</p><p> </p><p>“No ringing, no pain.”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho lifts a hand and rests it against Hongjoong’s forehead, pushing the blue strands up to lay his hand flat there.</p><p> </p><p>“No fever either, that’s good. How does your throat feel? Your body should have purged the majority of the dust and smoke you inhaled by now, but I’m worried your throat might still be scratched up from it.”</p><p> </p><p>“A little sore but nothing unbearable,” Hongjoong hums. He tilts his head from side to side as Yunho continues to worry over him but other than that, he seems entirely unbothered by the healer’s fretting.</p><p> </p><p>“Ribs hurting at all? And your right hip?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ribs feel okay, hip hurts like a bitch.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah because you aren’t supposed to be moving around with a fracture of that degree.”</p><p> </p><p>“I moved less than six feet.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll move six feet under if you aren’t careful.”</p><p> </p><p>“Because of the injury or because you’ll put me there for not listening to you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna write off that attitude as the concussion talking because I know you aren’t dumb enough to argue with me on this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Head is fine too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then let me call Jongho back to help you get to your room. You can’t be walking that far on your own and—”</p><p> </p><p>“I need to talk with Seonghwa a bit more first,” Hongjoong interjects, head falling in Seonghwa’s direction. Yunho cuts off with a small ‘o’, and his gaze flits over to where you’re reclining against the pillows of the bed. Hongjoong seems to pick up on that without prompting though. “She can stay in here, it’s fine. I doubt it’ll take longer than a half-hour, if you don’t mind waiting outside that long?”</p><p> </p><p>Yunho pushes back on his stool, slipping away from the bedside. If not for looking so intently at the man, you would have missed the way his hands curl into tight fists against his thighs, but he doesn’t voice whatever is on his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Right, don’t take too long though; I know you’ve been resting a while but your body still needs to recover before you try to do anything drastic, and knowing you, that’s exactly what you plan to do as soon as you can. Y/N, Seonghwa — you two get some rest soon. I’ll be back to monitor in a bit.”</p><p> </p><p>You don’t wait to watch Yunho leave the room because it doesn’t feel needed, but at the same time, you are trying your best to avoid any eye contact with Seonghwa or Hongjoong as not to intrude on whatever conversation they intend to have. You hear the soft click of the door and its scraping metal as it slides open, then a repeat of the same sound when Yunho steps out. The silence that falls over the room is so thick it could choke you. Hongjoong shifts on the bed again and scoots closer to Seonghwa’s head, a series of creaks following the movements. You crack an eye open to peek over at the pair. Hongjoong doesn’t lie down beside Seonghwa or anything, just sits there with a hand still wrapped around the other’s, and other than that neither move or speak. It’s only after the silence drags on for several minutes that Hongjoong decides he’s had enough and speaks once more.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to talk more about it?”</p><p> </p><p>“We should talk about the plan more first. If Jin is truly behind this, then we need something more… just something more.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not. It can’t possibly be him behind this because he would have targeted you rather than going after Y/N. I don’t think he has anything to do with this, nor do I think he would stoop to kidnapping to get what he wants.”</p><p> </p><p>“We are down three crewmembers and have an untrustworthy rat aboard,” Seonghwa hisses without missing a beat. “Jin could very well have eyes and ears on us and know how weak we are right now. You might be able to excuse him, but I know for a fact that kidnapping is not the lowest he would stoop to get what he wants. And I will not jeopardize your goals by being captured by him.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong extends his free hand to cup Seonghwa’s cheek, brushing over the smooth expanse of skin there with the pad of his thumb.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t believe that would ever happen. He would sooner have to kill me than capture you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m… yeah, sorry, I’m simply worried. We’re headed to Dorado after all. Lynder of all places on that godforsaken planet too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you worried, hm? We shouldn’t be going anywhere near the Lower Echelon.” Seonghwa responds with a sharp shake of his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Mother moved up to the Upper Echelon, remember? Three years back?”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you calling me forgetful then?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve always been forgetful, and you know it. You wouldn’t need me around if you could remember things.” That comment earns Seonghwa a smack to the shoulder, but you hear the huff of a laugh fall from Hongjoong’s lips before the lieutenant continues speaking. “The risking of seeing Mother is so high.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you… still afraid of her?” The question is hesitant in the same way that one would walk around a wild boar, like Hongjoong is afraid to set Seonghwa off in some way with the small question. “Hwa, you’re trembling. Is it too cold in here? I can get you an extra blanket if you—”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, shush, I’m not cold. I’m n-not afraid of her, I… I don’t want to be afraid of her, but in all those fucking nightmares, all I could see was <em>red</em>. I wanted blood, I wanted to kill, I wanted my hands around her throat so I could strangle her. And in all those dreams, that little voice won.” Seonghwa pauses and lifts a hand to touch Hongjoong’s cheek now, reflecting the other man’s actions from earlier. “I fear seeing the crew fall apart and not being able to save you from yourself more than anything else. Yet in those dreams, it was me who unmade each of them and ruined you. I’m… afraid of going to Dorado and not being able to hold back. I’m scared of killing Mother in a fit of rage and letting the Lieutenant of Death take over. I’m so afraid of hurting anyone on the crew, and I’m so fearful that I’ll bring ruin to you. I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive myself if that happens.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong’s hand comes down hard on Seonghwa's chin, gripping the skin and bone between lithe fingers, and he forces the man to look him in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>“I won't let that happen. There is no way in hell I would ever let that happen. Even if I have to pry you off your own mother, I will make absolutely sure that that voice doesn't win, that those people who make up those rumors and disdain you so much don't win. I won't let you do anything you regret, Seonghwa.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ha, as though you can promise such a thing,” Seonghwa mutters through a bitter laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“I know. I can't promise much of anything, but I can give you my word and hope. That's enough for now. If all I have to offer you is one more day of hope, then I will continue to give you that for all eternity.”</p><p> </p><p>The shorter man leans over the space between their bodies and presses his lips to Seonghwa's forehead, parting the hair that lies flat there to touch his skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you ever regret letting me join the crew?”</p><p> </p><p>“When it comes to you, I don’t think the word regret exists.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s spoken with such a raw conviction that you feel your own throat closing up around itself. As your gaze falls over Seonghwa, you can clearly see the way the words affect him, from the way his lips part in wonder as he stares up at the man above him like he hung every star in his universe in the sky. Words fail him, but that doesn’t bother Hongjoong one bit as the captain tries to leave him with one more soft-spoken comment.</p><p> </p><p>“Get some rest.”</p><p> </p><p>He moves to get up and pull away from the bed, but Seonghwa's grip on his hand pulls him right back.</p><p> </p><p>“Please don't go. I... I have both of you here with me for once. Please don't deprive me of this right now. Not when I've gone this long without you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you wish, Hwa.” Hongjoong doesn’t fight back as Seonghwa tugs him down to his side, resting his head against his lieutenant’s chest once their bodies are pressed close. You don’t know if they’ve fallen asleep — the lights are still on in the medbay so it would be hard to fall asleep anyways — but you rest in the quiet with clouded and foggy thoughts. Twisting to the side, you turn to face the wall rather than look at that vulnerable scene any longer than you have to. You wish that could be the end of it, that the dismal conversations ended there with the two of them going to sleep, but Seonghwa’s tone rising up again in the silence disrupts that hope too.</p><p> </p><p>“How much longer do we have to keep doing this? I get more and more tired with each day that passes.” Hongjoong hums a bit, and his next words come out rather slurred.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m tired too. We’ll rest soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t we too young to be feeling this old?” There’s some humor to those words, but what Seonghwa says next eradicates that levity in an instant. “Jongho offered to take it away for me. <em>Jongho</em>, our youngest. He shouldn’t even have to think about taking our burdens.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not the world we live in,” Hongjoong sighs. “That’s not a luxury we can afford. There is no normalcy. We don’t have and never will have any sort of normal family.”</p><p> </p><p>“Family? Is that what this is now? The one you talked of wanting to find?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes… of course, this crew is our family without a doubt. One day when this is all said and done, we can settle down somewhere.”</p><p> </p><p>“But?”</p><p> </p><p>“But can we ever really be happy and content with settling down? I’ve been flying around space since I was born and as long as I can remember. Suddenly not doing that would be odd, wouldn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa laughs a clear and ringing sound, then seems to catch how loud the noise is and quiets himself to a softer chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>“Then you can fly around space for all eternity if that’s what makes you happy.”</p><p> </p><p>The bed creaks under someone’s movement, and you can only assume that it’s Hongjoong simply because he’s the next one to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you keep doing that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Keep doing what?” Seonghwa echoes softly.</p><p> </p><p>“Every time we have this conversation and every time we talk of the future, you talk about it as though you won’t be there for it. Like you won’t see that future with me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop saying foolish things, Hongjoong. We should be sleeping.”</p><p> </p><p>“Seonghwa.” This time, Hongjoong’s tone is different. It’s something you’ve never heard from the man: a fragile sound that is on the verge of breaking and one that holds unspoken warning to it.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Sleep</em>, Hongjoong.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Seonghwa</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s your breaking point. It’s too much for you to handle, the tone of their conversation has taken a drastic turn and you don’t want to hear anything else out of either of them simply out of fear. Even though you aren’t tired, you squeeze your eyes shut and internally beg for Wooyoung to let you in tonight.</p><p>…</p><p>As it turns out, you get your wish. You come to in Wooyoung’s body with a jolt and a gasp, although that sound goes unnoticed because Wooyoung yet again has full control over his body while you are left to sit back and watch through his eyes. The cell you wake up to is starkly different than the last; it’s much larger and brighter, fluorescent lights hanging on the ceiling, but that isn’t what draws your attention. No, the wall that consists only of thick metal bars and rings with the crackles of electricity garners all your attention first simply because of how loud the noise is but also because Wooyoung’s eyes seem to instinctively flit over the bars before turning further left. They are, thankfully, no longer chained to the floor like dogs and now seem to only have wrist and ankle shackles. It’s a significant step up from their last prison, and when Wooyoung finally pushes himself to his feet, you catch sight of Mingi resting on a small cot.</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung steps over to the Berserker without hesitation, hand dipping into a small bucket that’s full of icy water, and he pulls a rag from the liquid, wringing it a few times before laying the cloth atop Mingi’s head.</p><p> </p><p>“How are you feeling?” Wooyoung asks. Mingi murmurs something in response, but it’s largely unintelligible, and Wooyoung must not pick up on it either because he strains his neck to get closer to the man. “Hm?”</p><p> </p><p>“A b-bit better.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s g—”</p><p> </p><p>A sharp rattle interrupts Wooyoung’s train of thought, and he jerks to look over at the shock wall. The door at the center swings open without warning, two men stepping through with someone hanging rather limply between their arms. If your heart could plummet right now, it truly would, because you would recognize that patch of white hair anywhere. The two men — guards from the looks of it — shove San into the cell, not caring to be mindful of the sides of the bars before pushing him against them without warning. San’s shoulder knocks roughly into the edge of the fencing as he comes through, and a bolt of shock sears through his body with surprising haste. The force brings him to his knees. Wooyoung lurches forward, darting out to grab hold of his shoulders and keep him somewhat upright.</p><p> </p><p>“Be fucking careful! Are you paid to be idiots?” He shouts as he pulls San closer to his body. The stockier of the two guards sneers back at him.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re next, slave. Watch yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung responds by hurling a glob of spit at the guard’s feet, eyes narrowed to slits.</p><p> </p><p>“You can take me once I’ve seen to my crewmates.” That comment earns him a sharp smack to the side of his head. San curls his fingers tight around Wooyoung’s side.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t make a scene about it, I’m fine,” he murmurs under his breath. He is far from fine, that much is obvious, because he can’t keep his body upright and his cheek keeps slumping down against Wooyoung’s shoulder no matter how much he tries to keep it up. The stout guard steps closer, arm poised to deliver another blow to Wooyoung, but he’s caught by his taller friend, who grabs him by the wrist before he can do anything else.</p><p> </p><p>“They all need to make it to Dorado relatively unharmed or prices will down and we’ll get less of the cut from Boss.” That’s enough to pull the man away from Wooyoung, and he retreats back to the outside of the cell with his partner.</p><p> </p><p>“You have ten minutes. Five if you make any other snippy remarks.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung exhales a small sigh of relief when the door slams back shut. He helps tug San to his feet and guides him to the bed beside Mingi’s. You’re grateful that Wooyoung won’t take his gaze off him because it gives you a chance to fully examine his current state.</p><p> </p><p>The bruising on his face has gone down quite a bit, and just from that alone, you would say he almost looks okay. Still, his body reeks of exhaustion, and he clutches the shoulder that knocked into the shock wall even as Wooyoung eases him down to the cot. His dark circles are so deep that they almost seem to hollow his face, and you have an instinct to comb your fingers through his hair if you could because it’s a mess and so unkempt that you can barely see the white patch in the front. Wooyoung keeps pushing him down until San lies flat on the bed, and he doesn’t hesitate to peel San’s shirt up to his midsection. It exposes the awful bruising underneath, a colorful array of blues and purples that are ugly to look at.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re gonna snap your ribs in two if they aren’t careful,” Wooyoung grumbles, tracing over the outline of the bruise with his index finger. “It’s already damaged enough.” San chokes out a laugh that has to hurt.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s only the half of it. They could be doing a lot worse. At the very least, they don’t know shit about torturing people. I’ve been through worse and... and seen a lot worse in the past.” San’s hand darts down to the dip of his hip, where there’s a thin scar just by the bone. You recognize it in an instant — the place where Cara stabbed him back on Echidna and left him nearly dead. “They’ll have to work a lot harder to get anything out of me. They don’t like how quiet I am.”</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t mean they really should work harder. You won’t survive that much. Did you manage to get anything out of them this time?”</p><p> </p><p>San shakes his head at first then grips the front of Wooyoung’s shirt and pulls him closer.</p><p> </p><p>“They were fumbling a little when I asked what the plans are. Mean one — shorty — he tried to shut me up but the other started asking questions too. Said he was just as confused and didn’t know what the boss plans to do with the two of us. They know exactly what would happen with Mingi but had way too many doubts when it came to us. They had to have wanted someone else. Maybe Scourge since he was in the arena with Mingi?” Hearing San call Hongjoong by that name sounds so foreign and stilted, but you know it’s just a way to protect as much of their identities as possible. Wooyoung draws his lips together.</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t sound right. They would have had a clear path to both Mingi and Captain in the arena. Why wouldn’t they grab him then? When… when they take me, I’ll try to get more out of them. Clean — if you can, please clean Mingi’s wound again. The infection is almost fully fleshed out and his fever will break soon, but without anything to sew it up, he can easily get a worse infection if we aren’t careful.”</p><p> </p><p>“Should it be gone within the next two days?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s up to his body and how it reacts to the rest of this process. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“I heard them say that we’ll be landing on Dorado in three days,” San mutters. He glances over at Mingi’s reclining body, teeth sinking into his lower lip. “If he’s well enough within two, then maybe we can work out a breakout plan.” Wooyoung glances between the Spectre and Mingi without reacting for a few moments then gives a small nod.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll talk about it more later. I’ll try to get more information in the meantime.” Wooyoung moves to step away from the bed, but San keeps him in place, fingers curling around the hem of Wooyoung’s shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“Just — please at least cooperate a little bit. You don’t have to tell them shit, but don’t put yourself in danger simply out of pride.”</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t.”</p><p> </p><p>That is what Wooyoung says, at least, but his next action is surely one out of either sheer stupidity or an obscene amount of pride. He steps over to the shock wall and raises a clenched fist to the metal. Without a drop of hesitation and without flinching in the slightest, he raps his knuckles against the metal as though it’s nothing. You would think it’s nothing too if not for the waves of electricity that cascade through his body and in turn, yours. If it were you, you would pull back thanks to the shock, but Wooyoung doesn’t and only wraps his hand around the bars.</p><p> </p><p>“You gonna come get me or not?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fucking brat,” the shorter guard mutters, but he does exactly what Wooyoung wants and approaches the fencing to let him out.</p><p> </p><p>“Try harder on the fences,” Wooyoung remarks, daring to drag his tongue over the front of his bottom row of teeth — a show of smugness that drives the guard mad.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not meant to incapacitate you, simply to keep little brats like you in check.”</p><p> </p><p>“That was meant to keep me in check? Come on, that little shock didn’t even make me flinch in the slightest.” That comment isn’t what gets Wooyoung smacked upside the head; rather, it’s the huff of laughter that falls from his lips right after that causes the first guard to elbow him in the back of the head.</p><p> </p><p>“Get walking, fucker.”</p><p> </p><p>“When you gonna let me see the big boss?” Wooyoung grumbles as the pair sandwiches him between their bodies.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not around to have any meetings, especially not with the like of you. Busy with work of his own right now. But maybe one day you’ll mess up enough to get a meeting with the lieutenant thought.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? This disordered bunch of scoundrels has a lieutenant?” Yet again that draws the ire of the stockier guard, and the man slams the butt of his gun into Wooyoung’s stomach. The impact is enough to cause Wooyoung to hunch over, bound hands grabbing the other guard’s thigh for support. The force careens both into the wall on accident, but Wooyoung doesn’t stop there. He fumbles around until his hand slips into the man’s pocket. Cool plastic greets him, something flat and rectangular, and Wooyoung latches onto both that and something else that feels vaguely like metal before pulling his hand out the pocket.</p><p> </p><p>“Stay up, you rat,” the taller hisses. When he knocks his shoulder into Wooyoung’s, Wooyoung lets his hand fall near his own pocket, pushing both items he just lifted into the fabric. You can’t be sure that he knows what he’s just taken or that he has any sort of plan for if he gets caught with the stolen items. He doesn’t let anything slip through his expression though and simply rights himself when the shorter of the pair nudges him forward, continuing to follow them through the narrow corridor. The longer you walk, the more the interior and layout of the ship become familiar to you — from the dark grey walls to the solid doors with no peepholes. Your growing suspicions come to a grinding halt of realization when Wooyoung is shoved into a dark room that has one yellow-tinted light hanging from the ceiling. It sits directly above a reclining chair, and that’s a sight you would recognize anywhere. From the straps on the side down to the flat metal headrest — they must be aboard a military ship, or at least a former one given the pirate crew running it currently. But that chair and this room resemble the one you had your memories wiped in with an uncanny certainty.</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung doesn’t have a chance to resist before the two guards are shoving him further in and pushing him down onto the chair. Rough leather straps wrap tight around his torso and legs, then two more for each ankle and wrist once the first ones are secured. That, however, is all the men do for the time being. It seems to shock Wooyoung as much as it shocks you because he shifts to watch them as they walk over to the side of the room and lean up against the wall.</p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t you going to do anything else?”</p><p> </p><p>“Be patient.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung squints. His wrists twist a bit in the restraints, testing the tautness of the material, and when it doesn’t give any budge, he jerks harder against them. Two clear and mocking laughs resound in response. Someone comes up on Wooyoung’s left, one of the guards moving without warning to lean over Wooyoung’s body.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll do a few tester questions just to see how willing you are to talk, how about that? So… who do you work for?”</p><p> </p><p>“Go fuck yourself, how about that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh come on, you’re a slave, aren’t you? Why be loyal to a cruel master? Can’t you answer one simple question?” The guard reaches down to toy with the collar around Wooyoung’s neck. In an instant, every muscle in his body seizes up, and Wooyoung goes so far as to stop breathing entirely with the barely brush of contact. The pirate doesn’t stop there, though, and he slips a finger under the metal collar to touch the skin underneath. Pressure invades your head, like someone is grabbing your skull between their hands and squeezing with an obscene amount of force. Wooyoung thrashes and tries to jerk away from the contact, but the guard just loops his finger under the metal and maintains that same level of contact. Your head — or Wooyoung’s rather — begins to tingle and throb, ears ringing loudly with white noise as something else creeps up on you.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Please!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>If you had any ounce of control over Wooyoung’s body, you would jerk your head to find the source of the sound, but as it continues, you realize that it’s not real. Not something that is truly resonating around you in the room right now. The voice is too young, too child-like, just a wailing noise that repeats over and over again without cease. A constant prayer of ‘please’ that fades into the background when the guard above Wooyoung speaks again.</p><p> </p><p>“Now who do you work for?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Please.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Why the fuck do you want to know?” Wooyoung grits out. “I have nothing to gain from speaking to you about anything.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Please, please, please.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Finally, the hand slips away, and Wooyoung gasps for breath like he’s never had air in his lungs before. His head lolls to the side almost the same way a ragdoll’s would as a sharp slap echoes. Pain sears over your skin, resonating through Wooyoung’s body to burn you too.</p><p> </p><p>“This is why you’re going to the whorehouse. They can shut you up permanently with <em>other</em> things.”</p><p> </p><p>“That kind of threat won’t work on me,” Wooyoung manages to murmur. His eyes roll back in his head as he slumps back into the metal headrest, chest still heaving to bring in air. “I’m not gonna tell you anything. If your boss w-wants info so badly… he can come take it himself. What’s the point of this anyway? Bring me to a room and ask me pointless questions? You already said you aren’t allowed to hurt the ‘goods’ too badly. And if I’m slated to go to a whorehouse — messing any physical features up would lower your cut dramatically. But the boss probably doesn’t pay you to be smart, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>Red flashes through your vision then a fist careens into Wooyoung’s nose so hard that you’re certain it’s cracked in two. Warmth trickles down his nostrils and trickles into his mouth, leaving the taste of blood on the back of your tongue. The second man in the room pulls forward. He grabs his partner by the arm and tugs him away from Wooyoung as best he can before taking up the same position over Wooyoung’s reclining form.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen here, slave, I really don’t want to be cruel to you, but there are ways to make you talk, ways that won’t… damage the goods as you say and will instead mess up that pretty little head of yours, so let’s just cooperate while you can, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>A sneer tears through Wooyoung’s lips, but he doesn’t fight back any longer, letting his head drop back to the headrest without complaint.</p><p> </p><p>“You know who I work for already so I don’t need to tell you shit.”</p><p> </p><p>The shorter of the two guards takes another step towards the chair.</p><p> </p><p>“That may be the case, yes, but we aren’t after your captain. We need information on someone else… someone who was seen with you in the streets outside the arena. Someone you seemed to be close to based on the way you were protecting her, and someone who looked an awful lot like the Ghost of Eros.”</p><p> </p><p>You can feel the way Wooyoung’s eyes widen. The same shock that courses through his veins rushes through your own as well. His tongue darts out to moisten his lower lip, dragging over the dry and cracking skin until it stings. He tries his best to hide that shock, but it’s too late, and the guards have already seen the flashes of recognition across Wooyoung’s features.</p><p> </p><p>“So you know Miss Y/N then?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we’re closer than you might think…” Wooyoung mutters, glancing off to the side and avoiding their prodding stares as best he can.</p><p> </p><p>“Where is she?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hell if I know.” Wooyoung tries his best to shrug with the words, but the restraints around his arms and torso keep him firmly planted to the cold metal chair. “In case you don’t remember, you kinda kidnapped me while I was unconscious and couldn’t see shit. Amazing that you managed to grab my sorry ass yet missed your precious little Ghost entirely, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>That pulls the second guard forward, and he steps into Wooyoung’s space with a sneer of his own that is so vicious it causes Wooyoung to flinch away.</p><p> </p><p>“We weren’t the dipshits in charge of collecting the packages. The ones who were hit a snag.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung manages to roll his eyes even as the guard presses closer.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s nothing I can do to help you then. Your people crushed my earpiece so I don’t even have a way to contact her.” A finger comes down to tap against Wooyoung’s temple. It’s almost gentle in the way it brushes over his skin, but each tap comes harder than the last and you aren’t too foolish to ignore the threat in the touches.</p><p> </p><p>“You will cooperate though, and you will answer our questions. Otherwise, we’ll have no choice but to crack that pretty little head open and take what we need instead. Unless you’d like to arrive at the whorehouse as a husk? That would make your job easier wouldn’t it?” A cruel grin twists over the man’s lips, one that you can’t bear to look at but you don’t have much of a choice because Wooyoung decides to stare him down with equal ferocity. “Now, when did Miss Y/N join your crew?”</p><p> </p><p>“Who knows?” Wooyoung shrugs within his constraints. “I’ve never been good at keeping track of time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what did she do before joining the crew?”</p><p> </p><p>“Never shared any details about her life before meeting us.”</p><p> </p><p>The pirate lifts his hand, and you’re almost certain that he is going to hit Wooyoung again but instead, he presses one index finger back to Wooyoung’s temple.</p><p> </p><p>“You know… the other one was a lot more <em>intense</em> about these questions. Thrashing, angry, fuming at every mention of her name, so upset that we would even dare to ask about the little ghost. Why is that? Are they close?”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung arches a brow. It takes a moment for you to realize that this man is talking about San of all people, but when you do, a wave of guilt hits you square in the chest. The thought of San being strapped to a chair like this and probed for answers about you and your past — having to experience it through Wooyoung and knowing that this is all because they captured Wooyoung and San in <em>your</em> place… it’s brutal enough as it is. More than that, it brings you back to that conversation you shared with San in the aftermath of your shared torture — the one where you sat opposite each other on his bed and admitted how afraid both of you were. How you were afraid to ever see San in that position again, and yet somehow… <em>somehow</em> not seeing it is worse. Somehow knowing that he is being put through this sort of hell and you are powerless to do anything to stop it is far worse than lying across from him on a sandy floor in an old warehouse with a crazed Berserker over you.</p><p> </p><p>“Am I supposed to know the intimate details of relationships now? Why does your boss even need to know something of that nature?”</p><p> </p><p>“Quit asking fucking questions.” It’s the more violent of the two guards who says that, and he steps forward to slam his elbow into Wooyoung’s stomach. “Do you wanna know what we did with your friend? Put him on this very chair and told him all the pretty ways we could fuck up that head of his if he didn’t cooperate. People like him… they have a lot of baggage. They carry weights on their shoulders that last a lifetime, and if you know how to manipulate it, then you can get whatever you want from them. And <em>you</em>—”</p><p> </p><p>The man pushes a hand up the expanse of Wooyoung’s chest until he reaches the band of metal around his neck. Two fingers slip under the collar. Wooyoung presses his lips together so tight that they tremble under the force, yet that’s still not enough to keep a whimper from slipping out. It’s a mirror image of the Wooyoung you met upon waking up in the medbay for the first time, a mirror image of the terrified boy who plunged an anesthesia shot into your neck, the one you were certain was weak and fragile. You hadn’t thought of Wooyoung like that since back then, never imagined him to be weak after Yeosang mentioned how much he’s gone through and after witnessing his drive to protect the people around him. But now?</p><p> </p><p>Now it’s just Wooyoung. There is no one in his immediate vicinity to protect, nor is there anyone here to protect him as you are stuck being a helpless bystander with no power or control over his body.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re just like him, aren’t you? Burden after burden on your shoulders. Pretty little traumas to keep you awake at night. That… tough guy act where you pretend to be better than your crewmates — don’t you know how easy it is to see through that? You know your own worth, and that worth amounts to being nothing more than a filthy slave who will soon sell his body to others to get a bite of food at night. Can’t you see yourself doing that for the rest of your life? Why else would a broken collar stay around your neck?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Broken?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung has grown dreadfully quiet, and that tells you that the pirate hit the nail on the head with too much ease. Yet now that you think about it, the collar around Wooyoung’s neck is most definitely a shock collar, but you have never once seen it glowing with electricity or power in the slightest, which can only mean that Wooyoung truly is walking around with a dead shock collar at all times. That reality is haunting on its own, but that coupled with the continuous and monotonous cries in the background that beg ‘please’ over and over only make matters worse.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re getting nowhere with this one. The last one was much more responsive when it came to these questions. We should just bring him back in and leave this one to rot in the cell with the Berserker.”</p><p> </p><p>“O-Okay… yeah… let’s try that.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung doesn’t make some great escape when they pull the restraints loose, and for the first time since waking up in his body, you gain the sense that he is genuinely tired of fighting back against their advances. He lets his body fall slack in their grasp, allowing himself to be pulled from the chair and dragged by the elbows between their bodies. Albeit faint and dying, you swear up and down that you can still hear that faint child-like voice ringing in your ears.</p><p> </p><p>“You really do suck at torture.” A bit of crimson liquid slips out the corner of Wooyoung’s lips as he speaks, leftover residue that dripped from his nose, and he spits it to the floor without a care in the world.</p><p> </p><p>“The goal isn’t to torture. If we could harm you physically, we certainly would.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung doesn’t speak further than that and again you think it’s because he doesn’t have the energy in his body to do so. He settles for glancing around the ship extensively as the two guards drag him back to the cell. That is somewhat odd to you at first seeing as he’s had plenty of opportunities to look around the ship from the inside of his cell, but realization sinks in when Wooyoung nods his head towards an exit door on the way to the cell.</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh… are you trying to help me?</em> That becomes increasingly apparent when he scans each wall and corner like his life depends on it, and you do your best to commit every inch of the room to memory. If this is something of a military ship, you should be able to figure out a basic layout with Yeosang’s help if he remembers anything too. Wooyoung hums to himself as they reach the electrified gate to the cell, but he doesn’t do anything other than that until the taller guard shoves him to the floor of the cell. San darts forward, nearly tripping over his feet in his rush to get to Wooyoung’s side.</p><p> </p><p>“God, what did they do to you? I told you to be fucking careful!” He hisses under his breath. Wooyoung quirks one corner of his lips up and flashes a quick wink in San’s direction.</p><p> </p><p>“Hold onto this for the time being,” he mutters back, digging the small rectangular card and piece of metal from earlier out of his pocket. Wooyoung only extends the piece of metal, something small and indiscernible practically, but Wooyoung must find some value in it to pass it to San rather than the card, which is clearly a keycard. San takes the item without complaint but his brows are still tightly knit together in concern. “I need more information from the guards. I almost got ‘em.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll get yourself killed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Only a little beat up. Pain… pain is nothing to me, not this kind at least. I’ve felt enough to grow rather used to it after all this time, so don’t worry about me getting hurt. It’s all just my little show so they don’t go harder than I want them to. Just — take the time to care for Mingi’s wound while you can. I’ll be back soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung hoists himself up to his feet and presses the keycard between his teeth. He and San maintain eye contact until Wooyoung turns completely around to face the closing door of the cell.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t even focus long enough to keep track of your belongings, huh? Cheap guards for the big boss?”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a clatter then the slam of the cell door resounds, and both pirates rush in to tackle Wooyoung to the floor. The shorter of the two reaches him first, knocking into Wooyoung so hard and fast that it feels like your brain is rattling against the confines of your skull. San pushes forward as well and intercepts the second guard with his arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Stand down, San, stand down!” Wooyoung shouts, stopping the Spectre at just the last second before he punches the guard in the throat. “It’s okay, just let them take me. It’s okay. They can’t hurt me.”</p><p> </p><p>“We may not be able to, but the Reaper is gonna make you fucking pay for such foolish actions.”</p><p> </p><p>“The Reaper, huh? Is that the infamous big boss?” A hand curls through Wooyoung’s hair. With a sharp tug that nearly pulls the strands right off his scalp, he’s brought up to his knees.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, it is. You’ve quickly proved that you’re too much of a disobedient brat to be sent to the House of Lilies. Maybe we should send you through some rehabilitation too with your little friends, yeah? We’ll take good care of you until the Reaper comes back to the ship though.”</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung collects a bit of spit on his tongue then slings it at the guard’s face, a bit of crimson mixing in with the saliva.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re counting on it.”</p><p> </p><p>Right then you feel Wooyoung directly contacting you in his consciousness, a small push and pull on the edges of your mind, and he drops his chin to his chest so quickly that you think he’s passed out on the spot. It’s enough to deter the guards and their focus on him for now, and he cracks an eye open to stare at the floor as they drag him down the hall yet again.</p><p> </p><p>“Y/N…” he whispers under his breath. “Y/N, take that info back to Yeosang. Give him that name too. The Reaper.”</p><p> </p><p>You want more information than that, but Wooyoung’s consciousness knocks hard against yours, and the vision before you fades to black, cutting any hopes of getting more from him drastically short.</p><p> </p><p>All that you’re left with is fogged thoughts and that name shining clearly at the forefront of your mind: The Reaper.</p><p>…</p><p>Han Jisung.</p><p> </p><p>Never did you think you would see him again, and that still hasn’t sunk into your bones yet. The feeling deep in your gut currently is hard to explain. You aren’t sure you could ever make sense of it, but seeing that man, Han Jisung, a person you relied on so heavily for so long standing over by the observation window on the bridge of <em>The Horizon</em> feels like it should be something of a fever dream. Alas, it’s not, it’s all very real and very tangible, and you don’t realize how long you’ve been glaring holes into the back of Jisung’s head until Yeosang clears his throat from beside you.</p><p> </p><p>The two of you sit near the comms station, and you’ve made a home for yourself sitting atop the desk as Yeosang sits at the chair before it. He has his bound journal set out on the desk, pen in hand as he scribbles over the pages. Jongho is not far away himself: he stands closer to the captain’s seat, and none other than Hongjoong himself sits in that place, back steering the ship as he usually does. Seonghwa is nowhere in sight — still down in the medbay with Yunho for further observation since his condition was much more critical than yours. All you can hear is the faint rumble of the ship’s power systems and air passing through the air filters. The silencing should be deafening, but it gives you more than enough time to process your thoughts while you can.</p><p> </p><p>That blessed silence is interrupted within seconds as Yeosang’s chair scrapes hard against the metal floor and he scoots closer to where you’re perched. You follow his movements, twisting at the waist to lean over the empty space between you and offer some semblance of privacy for the ensuing conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“So, according to what you saw last night, I drew up a basic sketch of what I think the ship’s layout looks like,” Yeosang mutters, exposing the pages of his journal to you. “Two exit doors in the room with the cell. They took Woo to a small room that had a single reclining chair and medical equipment. Potentially a former military ship, although from the sounds of it, it must be a rather old one. Since they’re headed to Dorado, I would assume it’s a Doradian ship that they jacked.” Yeosang pauses to scribble a few more unintelligible words on the paper, writing twisting and curling in a way you’ve never seen before. “We still don’t know why they want you… but San said they’re at least three days out to Dorado. With the speed Hongjoong is flying at, we won’t catch up for another four days though. Most of the flight will be pushing through the celestial barrier between Aurum and Geofflan, but we can’t burn extra fuel without having to tap into emergency reserves.”</p><p> </p><p>“So then what? The exchange is supposed to happen soon after they land so there’s no way we’ll be able to catch up <em>and</em> break them loose before then,” you reason. Yeosang manages a small nod, avoiding the stare you send his way as he continues to scribble in his journal.</p><p> </p><p>“We at least know the main location will be the capital, Lynder. And we know that Wooyoung is slated to go to the House of Lilies — if this Reaper figure doesn’t change his mind, that is — but Mingi and San will be sent to separate rehabilitation facilities.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s bad for the rest of us then. Once they’re separated, we have a higher risk of failure.”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang presses his lips into a thin line and hums softly. “But once they’re out of this Reaper’s hands, they won’t be his responsibility anymore. Mingi will, since they plan to transport him back to Kebos once he’s ready, but Woo and San are being sold independently. We should aim to take them back after the deals go through. That way the Reaper can’t cause issues because he will already have his money. A whorehouse won’t mind losing someone unless they pay a great deal for them… I don’t know how Dorado operates in terms of military regulations and such. Or even how important the military is to them. We’ll have to be quick to get San back, won’t we?”</p><p> </p><p>You give a quick shake of your head.</p><p> </p><p>“They plan on putting him through that regression therapy first so we will have time before they try to wipe him.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>If</em>, and only if he’s strong enough to withstand that torture.”</p><p> </p><p>You ball your fists tight around the leather of your pants.</p><p> </p><p>“He’ll be strong enough.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no way of knowing what they’ll do to him once it’s time for that regression therapy, and we won’t be able to do anything for him if he caves early.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then we should prioritize him and get to him first,” you argue, forcing your tone to stay as low as possible. “Either we have faith that he will hold out as long as possible or he’s the first one we rescue.”</p><p> </p><p>“And how confident are you that he can handle that level of torture? I saw many recruits be sent to those wiping chambers in my time as a prince. None of them lasted longer than fourteen hours on the table. Either due to a weak constitution or the sheer level of trauma they were forced to go through. Knowing his past and what traumas they could awaken, how confident can you be that he will last longer than that? I don’t want one slimy fucking mongrel to lay a hand on Woo in that whorehouse, and he will be easiest to recover so we need to prioritize him if that’s the easiest option. If San reaches a point where he <em>wants</em> the serum, then what? We have another Mingi dilemma on our hands?”</p><p> </p><p>That question stops you in your tracks. You hadn’t dared to think that far ahead simply out of fear that it could be a reality. It does take you back to the one and only time you and San spoke about the issue the serum posed though, for better or worse.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“If our positions were switched, would you be okay with it?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I can’t pretend to know what that experience was like for you or how deeply it affected you. If I were the one who had used it before, and I was aware of it like you, I know that I would be selfish at the end of the day. I have mentioned it before but I wish to cling to you for as long as I can. And though it’s — though it goes against my morals, I would not want you to take the serum because I can’t bear the thought of you forgetting who I am and how I feel about you. I know that sounds a bit bold, especially given your relations with Seonghwa, but… I would say the same to any member of the crew — save for Yeosang perhaps. You all are special and valuable to me in unique ways, and the thought of any of you losing any memory we share is too much for me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Would you expect the same of me in return?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I would only ask that which I would ask any of the crew. To do what is right by your own standards and not by anyone else’s. We’ve all been slaves to other people’s whims and desires for too long. I would never wish to put anyone through that again, and even something as simple as pushing my opinion onto you would be unfair.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>And here you sit now coming to the gross realization that you cannot be okay with the thought of San forgetting who you are. You cannot live in a universe where he loses every ounce of work he’s put in over the years, the relationships he’s built with the crew, the things he has had to survive — you cannot bear the thought of it becoming meaningless and futile in the face of simply forgetting it. Because now, as you struggle on your own with these hazed memories that have no true place in your mind, you know that you could never wish that on anyone. Not knowing your past is a horrid fate, but losing all the pieces you’ve put together is a fate worse than death.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no way in hell I am ever going to let them give San that serum, even if it’s what he wants.”</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang huffs air through his teeth but doesn’t comment further than that, and you take it as a sign that the conversation is concluded for now. When you lift your head again, movement from near the observation window catches your eye, and none other than Jisung himself stares over at you with eyes wide and searching. Like not a thing has changed in the past few years, and like those broken memories that plagued your dreams were nonexistent altogether.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever comes over you is compelling enough to pull you off the desk. Yeosang follows your movements with his eyes, lips parting to ask what you’re doing, but you stop him by dropping a hand to his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s something I can’t wait on anymore,” you murmur. That is all the explanation you give before forcing your feet to move towards Jisung. A soft laugh echoes through the bridge as you draw closer to him, and Jisung greets you with nothing more than that and a rounded smile at first.</p><p> </p><p>“Took you long enough to come speak to me like this. All those years of knowing each other for what?”</p><p> </p><p>“For you to tell me the truth now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hyunwoo told me before he went off to die that one day you would tell me the truth. So what is it?”</p><p> </p><p>A frown paints Jisung’s lips.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you talking about? Hyunwoo never said anything of the sort.”</p><p> </p><p>“I distinctly remember it, as well as being strapped to a chair with Hyunwoo over me saying that they would only take a little bit. And I’ve been having odd dreams of memories that I have no recollection of. So just what the fuck happened to me before leaving the military and killing the king? Right now I don’t have anyone alive who can tell me that except for you, Jisung.”</p><p> </p><p>Jisung folds his arms over his chest, eyes turning to narrow slits as he glares forward at you. Then, he slowly extends his right arm and poises to place the back of his hand to your forehead.</p><p> </p><p>“Watch it.” You don’t need to turn to know whose voice that is, and you half-expect to turn and find Jongho at your side in the blink of an eye. However, when you glance back over your shoulder, Jongho is still beside Hongjoong’s chair, and the captain’s hand is placed ever so delicately in front of his chest that it hardly blocks the Berserker from moving. It’s moreso the gesture that keeps Jongho in check, and no matter how unhappy he seems with the order, he follows it without complaint.</p><p> </p><p>“I have no intention of hurting her at all! Come now, would you take me for a fool? You should all know better seeing as the bargain I made in helping you was for <em>her</em> safety.”</p><p> </p><p>“She might have made that bargain with you, but you made no such deal with me,” Hongjoong states without batting an eye. “And I will not allow you to force her to leave my crew, even if you have come to an agreement.”</p><p> </p><p>“She made the agreement knowing full well what it would entail and because it’s what she wanted,” Jisung counters. His arm falls back to his side without touching you in the slightest.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t,” you refute immediately. “I am only doing this for the crew, not because I actually want to be near you.” An almost feral noise tears through Jisung’s lips, and you flinch back just to put some distance between your bodies.</p><p> </p><p>“After all the things I’ve done for you, all the sacrifices I’ve made, the risks I took to even make certain that you would make it out of that cell <em>alive</em>—”</p><p> </p><p>Your body reacts before your head can catch up. Next thing you know, you have two fists curled tight around Jisung’s collar and are slamming him up against the observation window with a strength that surprises you as much as it surprises Jisung. Hongjoong must retract his hold on Jongho because suddenly the Berserker is at your side now, hand pressing hard on your shoulder. You knock his grip away without so much as looking at him; there is too much adrenaline running through your body right now, too much heat in your blood and fire in your bones, and nothing is going to stop you from taking out years of bottled-up frustrations on Jisung now.</p><p> </p><p>“You have absolutely no right to dare to say such a thing. You don’t get to talk about <em>sacrifice</em> ! The only person who took risks for me was Hyunwoo. The one who <em>died</em> In my place is the only one who gets to talk like that and claim that he’s made sacrifices. I buried you in my past the minute I was forced to dig an empty grave alone. You let me alone on that god-forsaken planet to bury an empty grave without so much as looking back! No matter how hard you try to justify it, there is nothing that will ever convince me that it was the right or fair decision to make! Anything you ever did for me — whether I remember them or not — it all pales in comparison to what Hyunwoo sacrificed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Only people who die for you can sacrifice things? What of the people I killed for you? The innocent people I killed to keep your reputation untarnished? How much blood is on your hands, Y/N? You look at me like I am a monster but <em>I</em> am what <em>you</em> made me! Whether you like it or not, the truth of the matter is that Hyunwoo agreed to my terms. Hyunwoo is just as much at fault for what we did to you as I am. And what we did was necessarily because I guarantee if you remembered all the things you did, you would rather kill yourself than keep on living the way you are now.”</p><p> </p><p>Your momentary shock is enough for Jongho to pull you off Jisung. He wedges himself between you and the Spectre, folding his arms over your hips to guide you further away from the man.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, Y/N. Stand down,” he murmurs. “You need to pick your battles, and this is not one for you to fight right now.” Again you feel that pull of warmth coming from him, like someone is trying to pull something from your chest, but it retracts almost instantaneously. Jongho falters. His eyes squeeze shut harshly, face contorting with something that almost looks like pain in your eyes, but that lasts less than a second before he’s recovered again. It’s not enough to stop the onslaught of emotions coursing through your veins.</p><p> </p><p>“And what exactly is it that you and Hyunwoo did to me? Because I sure as hell don’t remember or understand anything! How long do you plan to lie to my face?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t tell you,” Jisung says. There is a sudden drop to his tone, one that hits harder than it should. “As selfish as it may be, that is the one secret I will never disclose, and Hyunwoo would be a fool to ever believe that I would tell you what it is. If he wanted it exposed so desperately, then he can do it himself.”</p><p> </p><p>You see red. It all feels like a blur yet simultaneously like the universe is moving in slow motion around you. You are hyperaware of the way you push Jongho out of the way to get back to Jisung, fist clenching so hard that your knuckles go white just before you sock the man in the jaw. The noise that resounds is disgusting and brutal, a sick crack that echoes in your ears like a battle cry.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t fucking get to talk about Hyunwoo as though he’s alive,” you growl, curling your fingers through Jisung’s hair and yanking his head back hard enough to make his neck pop. “You dipped off-planet without even seeing the execution through, without even waiting for blood to spill, so you have no right.” Jisung’s tongue darts out and wets the corners of his lips. “You have no right1” You repeat as though it will do any good. “You killed innocent people as though it was nothing! Was that all Hyunwoo was to you too? Just another bump in the road on your path to power?”</p><p> </p><p>You swing for his face once more, but this time Jisung reacts before you can hit him. He pushes your hand to the side, expression relatively neutral compared to your own rage-filled one.</p><p> </p><p>“I bet you couldn’t wait to see Hyunwoo die because that would mean the leader was out of the way and you could finally have that power you wanted! People would finally listen to you? Is that what you wanted? How could you do that to us, Jisung? We were a team, a family, you were all I <em>had</em> . How could you kill people in <em>my</em> name? Innocent people, who did nothing wrong killed for saying something trivial about me? How could you let innocent people be taken in my place? Wooyoung and San did nothing wrong! They don’t have that blood on their hands, they don’t carry the weight of that guilt on their shoulders, they aren’t <em>bad people</em>, Han Jisung! How could you? Why would you let that happen? Why would you put them in a place to be hurt and sold in my place? Who gave you the right to make that decision? You’re not some god!”</p><p> </p><p>Jisung doesn’t move a muscle throughout your tirade, his face doesn’t budge nor does his disposition — it’s almost like yelling at a statue in an eerie and unsettling way. Then he speaks again, and this time it is with a haunting flatness to his tone.</p><p> </p><p>“When have you ever known me to be cruel?”</p><p> </p><p>“I-I thought the answer to that was never bu-but now I don’t know if I can trust that.”</p><p> </p><p>Jisung blinks.</p><p> </p><p>You inhale.</p><p> </p><p>Then something hits your stomach so hard that you double over in pain, blind-sighted by the speed at which Jisung moves, and Jongho doesn’t have time to react either. Jisung doesn’t stop there though; no, he returns the favor and grips your hair close to the scalp to yank you back up to be eye level with him.</p><p> </p><p>“I am merely… a cruel person, Y/N. I have always been cruel. And when it comes to protecting people I care about, there are no morals. There are no grey areas. There are no lines that I am not willing to cross. The universe has made me evil by taking everything from me, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get to have at least one thing I care about. And that one thing is <em>you</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Silence ensues. You don’t dare speak again; you aren’t sure you could even form words if you wanted to. Out the corner of your eye, you see a flash of metal and the barrel of a gun.</p><p> </p><p>“If you so much as move a muscle, I will shoot you down with no hesitation.” You never saw the man move but that cold tone can only belong to Hongjoong. That suspicion is confirmed when Jisung releases his hold on your hair, letting you pull back and stand up straight once more. Hongjoong doesn’t lower his weapon even as Jisung raises his hands in surrender. “You call yourself cruel. Well, I am evil. Cruel, harsh, cold-hearted, and full of nothing but malice. So you can fucking <em>bet</em> that I won’t let you take her against her will. And if you even for a breath of a moment think otherwise, then I will put a bullet between your eyes and send you off to meet your maker.”</p><p> </p><p>Jisung’s nose twitches as he sneers back at the captain.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not a risk you would ever take.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ha, then you know fairly little about me, Han Jisung. I could sit here for hours and tell stories about the blood I’ve spilled, the blood my lieutenant has spilled, the things we have done as the most notorious and bloodthirsty pirates in the universe, or I could tell you of my own individual accomplishments. But if you truly think that I won’t do everything in my power to stop you from taking her?”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong’s arm shifts and the barrel of the gun finds a new home, a new target.</p><p> </p><p>On you.</p><p> </p><p>Between your eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong cocks the hammer back. The click seems ten times louder than it is in reality. Jongho pulls closer to you, eyeing Hongjoong with a wary gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“I can be evil if that is what you want me to be,” Hongjoong whispers, arching a brow at Jisung. “Such a thing would be easy for a man like me. But it comes with a price, and it’s one that you should weigh heavily. Take her against her will, and I’ll make sure the only thing you take is a corpse.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good move, Captain,” Jisung replies. “I do so enjoy playing such mind games with someone who is actually of my caliber and on my level like this. Now, the move is mine to make, no?”</p><p> </p><p>“You would treat her life as something as mundane and childish as a game of chess?”</p><p> </p><p>Jisung clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Mind yourself, Captain. All I have to do is give the command, and my dogs will bite.” Hongjoong lets Jisung step around him and make for the edge of the bridge before lowering his pistol and returning it back to its holster.</p><p> </p><p>“Han Jisung.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong’s words stop the man in his tracks, and your eyes find his in the brief moment of hesitation before he turns to look directly at the captain. Hongjoong doesn’t look back, at least not face to face because he merely glances over at Jisung through the reflection of the observation window. It’s an almost haunting sight, one that sends a chill down your spine and makes you stand up a bit straighter as you watch them level each other with glares full of contempt and malice.</p><p> </p><p>“Hungry dogs are never loyal. They’ll eat with anybody who has food. And yours are ravenous.”</p><p> </p><p>“The same could be said for yours, Scourge. Many wonder how much bending that Berserker can take before he breaks. Others say that the slave will turn tail and run the moment the doors of the whorehouse open. My money, on the other hand, is on the Spectre.”</p><p> </p><p>If either man hears the audible gasp of panic that slips between your lips, they opt not to comment on it. Jisung’s lips twist a bit, curving into an ugly smile that makes you sick to your stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“You’d be nothing more than a fool to believe that any of my dogs are not fed well under my care.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that what happened during your mutiny? Which dog were you, Kim Hongjoong? From the stories I’ve heard, you were starved to the bone.”</p><p> </p><p>Hongjoong shows an admirable sense of restraint in that moment; he barely lets any emotion slip through his features or stance even though you are certain that he is just as shocked as you are.</p><p> </p><p>“The weakest links are always the first to go. The ones with the most to lose, and thus… the Spectre will break first. Because whether you acknowledge it or not, I have something he is desperate to see again.” Jisung shifts to face you. His eyes glint under the fluorescent lights of the bridge. “What happens when you throw a hungry dog a bone?” It’s nothing more than a rhetorical question, one meant to scare you, and that it does because your heart clenches painfully in your chest and squeezes around itself until you can barely stand up straight. “He swallows it whole.”</p><p> </p><p>You watch Jisung leave without daring to speak one more word to him. Hongjoong doesn’t move away from the observation window quite yet, and even as you look over his reflection in the window, you cannot for the life of you gauge what emotions are running through his body.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you truly have shot me?” You ask before you can stop yourself. The adrenaline of having a gun pointed at your head with such little care for your life is not something foreign but to have Hongjoong be the person to do so… you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but his tone was far too resolute for that. But then, he shakes his head in denial.</p><p> </p><p>“Never. I made a promise to keep you safe, and I made similar promises to the rest of the crew that no matter what, I would always do whatever is in my power to keep you all safe. To keep our crew safe. I am not about to let Han Jisung take that from my crew.” Hongjoong folds his hands behind his back. His boots scrape against the floor as he spins on his heel and heads back to the captain’s seat.</p><p> </p><p>“What… what did Jisung mean by his ‘dogs’ if he works under Vladimir?” Jongho is the one to pose the question, and it brings Yeosang away from the comms station to listen in on the conversation better. Hongjoong tilts his head from side to side, letting a quiet hum ring through the room before speaking again.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you truly believe that when Jisung told you that? I thought I taught you all to think more critically than that. After all, who in the universe could want <em>you</em> badly enough to kidnap and work with deadly pirates?” Hongjoong looks you dead in the eye as he asks the question. You scoff to deflect the panic it sends through your system.</p><p> </p><p>“With a bounty like mine, it’s enough for anyone to resort to violence of some sort.”</p><p> </p><p>“Word gets around quickly, and people hear things fast in our little world. Pirates are good at transmitting information swiftly. Which means that everyone already knows you are now employed by the Black Scourge’s crew. So I’ll ask again: who could possibly want you badly enough to cross <em>me</em> of all people?”</p><p> </p><p>There is only one answer to that question, and that answer just walked off the bridge not too long ago. You can’t bring yourself to admit it with your words, although you don’t need to because Hongjoong simply continues speaking without missing a beat.</p><p> </p><p>“Jisung made no mistakes. There were no missteps. When we were in the arena, there was never any intention of kidnapping you. There was no hesitation on his part, he knew what he was doing, he knew how to play into your hands. He made a deal with Vladimir — allow his own crew to get into the arena so that he could take two of my crew, then he would kidnap Mingi for Vladimir as payment. Because Jisung knew there was an easier way to get you since he knew what kind of person you are from time in the military together. He knew that if he took your teammates, you would not hesitate to sacrifice yourself for their safety. And thus, he made his offer: an exchange of you for your crewmate’s recovery. In reality, he was the one who took them intentionally in the first place."</p><p> </p><p>A smile twists at the man’s lips, one that is almost unsettling and disturbing, and you find yourself shifting your weight from foot to foot as you look down at him.</p><p> </p><p>“I played right into his hands then,” you murmur, glancing away to grant yourself some semblance of peace.</p><p> </p><p>“That may be the case, yes… however, once something is mine, I don’t particularly like letting go of it. If there’s one thing I have in common with such a person, it’s that. I am undeniably selfish, Y/N. And now that you’re here with me, I don’t intend to let anyone take you from my hands. If he wants you so desperately, then he will have to go through hell to get you, and giving people hell is my specialty.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that the same reason you pointed a gun at my head?”</p><p> </p><p>“Every man has his price. I find threats to be quite effective in securing bargains and deals. Before I placed that gun to your head, he didn’t imagine I could be so cruel. And now… I’ve only confirmed every suspicion that has been eating at my mind since I woke up.”</p><p> </p><p>“And those suspicions would be what?” You dare to ask, leveling the man seated before you with a stare that he regards out the corner of his eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Han Jisung is nothing but a hungry dog, and I intend to make him bite.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: haha? 17.2k WHO?! gotta admit this is my fave chapter i’ve ever written the ending hits im v proud of her ! what did i say i said she would be a long one but even i didn’t expect this i cannot lie well as i said i am dropping and yeeting (to sleep) but i’ll be here to watch my chaos unfold a bit first ;3 as ALWAYS let me know what you think, give me the juicy deets, the theories, the screaming, the ‘caly how could you’, and all that jazz it’s SO good to be posting a mists chapter yall have no idea how happy it makes me to do this again fogijdfiogaj, she’s heavily unedited tho so im sorry in advance for grammatical issues</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Act Five - Part Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>chapter specific warnings: talks of torture, talks of past self-harm, nothing directly graphic all mentioned through conversation, graphic depiction of a panic attack</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“I’m going to kill the king, Hyunwoo.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Y/N, you can’t… that’s going too far.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I don’t think we have a choice any longer.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“We always have a choice, Y/N. It’s just about what you decide to do with that choice that matters. Think about why you’re doing what you’re doing, and what your intentions truly are. It’s not about revenge or payment for a crime — the crimes of his people cannot be put onto his shoulders.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A sigh passes through your lips, one that sounds more exasperated than anything else, and Hyunwoo lifts a brow upon hearing the noise.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“This is revenge, Hyunwoo. He allowed my past to be taken, he created the law that allows the military to do that. Not to mention the other crimes he has committed — even if they are a result of him sitting idly by and watching them happen. I’m not saying Jisung is always right or that he is a saint for wanting to do this. But if Jisung won’t commit to doing it, then I’ll do it for him.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“And we swore to find a way to get those memories back, Y/N. Don’t let this cloud your judgment. Don’t let your devotion to making Jisung happy decide your future. If this is something he wants, then he should do it himself and face the consequences on his own! It’s not a burden that you should bear as well. I know this is something you will come to regret!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then you’ll have to stop me with force because I’ve already made my mind up about this. I don’t see Jisung getting in my way right now. But after all, isn’t this what he wants? He’s just too much of a coward to do the dirty work himself!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“We both know where he stands on this, which is precisely why he’s not here. Just — please let us try one more time. I’ve spoken with a few of my off-planet contacts about this, and we have one last idea that might reverse the effects of the serum. You know how difficult this is; the military keeps such a tight wrap on everything about the serum. It’s near impossible to just get a spare vial, and even harder to examine how it works with test subjects while still being ethical. We are trying our best, I promise, just please hold out a little while longer. Jisung is getting things set up now… so please… just come with me and try before you do anything drastic.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The man extends a hand, palm facing towards the ceiling and fingers outstretched for you to take. There’s hope in his eyes, a hope you haven’t seen from him in a long time, and that look is what brings your feet forward. You place your palm over his and curl your fingers tight around the side of his hand. He squeezes back as a small grin overtakes his lips.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“If this doesn’t work, then you know what I have to do, Hyunwoo.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I know,” he whispers. The hope in his eyes flickers a little, like a flame hit by a gust of wind. “In that case, I’ll do whatever I have to so that you don’t come to regret that decision.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, get up. It’s go time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You wake with a start, not fully come out of the memory that paints the insides of your eyelids until you look around at your surroundings. Yeosang seems to be the one who woke you seeing as his hand is still outstretched to your arm. The sight of him brings you back to reality and reminds you of where you are and what exactly is going on. Jongho sits on your other side, dressed in nicer clothes than you’ve ever seen him wear before — a pleated and pristine navy suit complete with a bright yellow tie and hair gelled back on his head. Yeosang too wears a somewhat expensive garb although he appears more natural in the silk tunic covering his torso. His naturally dark roots are starting to peek through the blond near his scalp, accentuating the harsh part down the middle of his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite the fact that both look relatively harmless in this state, you know they each have weapons hidden somewhere on their person underneath that formal wear, just as you do with the knives strapped over your thighs under the skirt attached to your waist. Such an outfit like yours is something you hardly agreed to — it was moreso an insistence on Seonghwa’s part to at least dress the part (although he had to listen to some of your incessant nagging about how you could never fight in a dress so he had to settle on finding a substitute in the form of a jumpsuit with a skirt wrapped around the back. Yet the more you pick at the seams and touch the fabric, the more you recall the none too pleasant conversation you and Seonghwa shared as you were preparing to leave for the mission. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Perhaps I do have an eye for beauty after all, or is it that you simply look breathtaking in anything?” Seonghwa stands in the doorway to your bedroom, not a mind for privacy as he watches you struggle to tug the zipper of your suit up.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Can’t even breathe on my own, huh?” You huff out as you drop the zipper in defeat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’ve already seen every inch of you, have I not? There’s nothing to hide that I haven’t seen before,” Seonghwa says through a laugh. He watches your cheeks flush with color before dropping his arms to his side and coming closer to you. He remains wordless as he pulls your zipper up for you, smoothing the fabric under his fingers down once it’s pulled up to your neck. “It suits you. Things like this, I mean. The silk makes you look… softer, yet the color combination of black and white makes you look lethal. Perfect definition of beauty, no? That something so delicate could also kill you? A wonderful dichotomy in my eyes.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Someone is in a poetic mood today.” You don’t hide the way your eyes roll to the back of your head, but Seonghwa doesn’t seem all too bothered by your show of faux-annoyance. Instead, his hands find your hips and turn you to face him directly, staring so intently into your eyes with his own dark ones that you lose the rest of your retort. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry. I wanted to go on this mission so desperately but that didn’t quite work out.” You’re quick to shake your head, already in the midst of denying his words before he even finishes his sentence.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s alright. I’ll have Yeosang and Jongho there with me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I would go if only Hongjoong would let me bu—” The thought cuts short as you place a hand over his forearm. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Seonghwa, it’s </em>
  <span>okay</span>
  <em>. Hongjoong is right to have you stay here while you’re not 100% better. And you can both keep an eye on Jisung this way. We’ll bring Wooyoung back as quickly as possible, I swear.” Instead of consoling the man, your words seem to have an opposite effect as he drops his gaze to the floor. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“If I were stronger, this wouldn’t even be an issue. You should not have had to waste so much time having to look after my fragile and weak mental state when you could have caught up to the ship sooner and had all three of them back in one go.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“This is what we’re working with, Hwa. It has nothing to do with your welfare. We still would have been too late regardless of whether that night had happened or not. So please — it will all work out and be okay. It has to.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa’s smile is quaint, a small twitch of his lips, then he’s leaning in to close the distance between your lips. You lift your hand to push hard against his chest, furthering that distance before he gets the chance to meet your lips with his. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I just put on this black lipstick and you already want to mess it up? How rude,” you scoff. That isn’t a real reason, and you both know it, and you only solidify that further when you speak next before biting your tongue. “You shouldn’t push it right now. I still haven’t forgiven you for not fighting my decision to go with Jisung. Besides wasn’t the decision to… stop whatever this is mutual?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It was, of course,” he murmurs back, not quite meeting your eyes. “I am merely a creature of habit, so it will take some time for me to adjust to this change. But… Y/N, might I be so bold as to ask you something?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Hm, isn’t that a question right there?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’ll take that as a yes then?” You regard him with a small nod but pull away so that his hands drop to his sides again. “Were any of the feelings you had for me something real and tangible? Not just because of what we are and that comfort of both being Sirens, I mean.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You should have known he would bring this up eventually, especially with how the two of you are constantly dancing around each other and the topic. Still, you aren’t ready for it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I… don’t think I know the answer to that question, but even if I did, I-I might not be able to answer with complete honesty.” The smile that comes to paint Seonghwa’s lips is nothing short of sad and painful, not quite reaching his bright eyes with its usual mirth.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s a conversation I wish for us to have one day, but I too fear that I might not be able to be completely honest either. Perhaps — perhaps we got a little too caught up in the heat of things without truly thinking about why we were doing the things we were doing.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why did you do it then? I was the one who gave the initial push, I started things, I claim responsibility for that, but you pulled right back. So why?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I have found time to think about such things quite a bit lately since I was left in the medbay alone for so long; however, now is not the time to talk about that as it would take too long. Has Wooyoung brought you back yet?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No, not since the night in the medbay. But San very clearly said three days until they would land on Dorado, and it’s been six since then. They should be there by now, and the deals should have gone through. Wooyoung’s was to be immediate after all.” Seonghwa’s smile drops into a half-hearted scowl. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Without Wooyoung on the inside, we will have no way of knowing where San and Mingi are.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Unless Jisung decides to be kind with his information.” You run a hand through your hair, mussing the already down tresses enough to be somewhat noticeable. “We’ll have to make do.” Seonghwa stretches across the empty space between you</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I won’t keep you any longer then. Tell the others good luck from me, and please… be careful? No unnecessary risks if you can avoid them. I’d like to see you all back in one piece.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reality swoops in on you as Jongho places a firm hand over your thigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You alright? I can practically feel you thinking so hard.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes, of course. Just… wondering about the mission.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay,” Jongho murmurs, squeezing at your leg a little tighter. “It’s a straightforward mission — easy in and out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully.” Yeosang is the one to hum the word but he doesn’t look at either of you as he speaks. “Once we’re in, I’ll talk to the main desk and ask for someone with Wooyoung’s general appearance. It’ll be a bit difficult because they will have given a new name — something a prostitute would have. I’m not sure how many people in there will have similar appearances to Wooyoung but we’ll have to do our best. You two remember what you’re supposed to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” you nod. “Follow suit, wait fifteen minutes for you to pass through the reception area, then ask the same thing. A male short in stature with black hair and tanned skin. All prostitutes have collar so it won’t be Wooyoung’s defining feature any longer.” The recitation rolls off your tongue with ease after having heard Yeosang repeat it so many times by now. He nods in approval nonetheless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Remember there are cameras in each of the rooms. Don’t know how they use them but it’s something to be aware of. Hopefully, one of us will be able to come across Wooyoung, and in the case that you do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are to stay in the room with him for the allotted time, ping back to the ship and let Hongjoong know we have him, then wait for his signal,” Jongho responds. “His contact here on Dorado will be hacking their surveillance systems once we are certain that we have Wooyoung in a safe position.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong sure seems to have a lot of contacts for someone who doesn’t trust people,” you murmur more to yourself than to anyone else, but Yeosang picks up on it nonetheless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“His contacts are few and far between. This is one he has known since before he became a captain, so he holds a bit more trust with him. Back to the plan though, after his contact confirms our safety, you’ll crack a window and hop out hopefully unscathed. Remember that the Upper Echelon of Dorado is tight on security. Whoever gets Wooyoung out will have to be mindful of guards and try not to look suspicious. If any guards stop you, do not engage with violence. Simply do as they ask you to and tell them that Wooyoung is your slave. And one last thing: don’t forget we’ll be going in silent so keep a close eye on your wristbands. Understood?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Clear as day,” Jongho says while you offer only a hasty nod. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, stay sharp then. We’ll be landing soon, and it’ll be go time immediately after that.” With that, Yeosang sits back and shuts his eyes, leaving you and Jongho to stew over the plan again in silence. At least until you decide you can’t take it anymore and turn to talk to the Berserker again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you nervous at all about the mission?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A shrug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No more than usual. Recovering Wooyoung won’t be easy by any means, of course. It’s a step in the right direction, right? How are you feeling?” As though sensing your nerves, he pats your thigh a few times, and you simply stare down at the dirty floor beneath your feet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel a bit guilty in a way because I’m not too worried about the mission,” you admit, albeit quietly because you aren’t sure how please Yeosang would be to hear the words. “The only thing that is on my mind right now is how San is doing and if he’s okay.” Although you told Seonghwa otherwise, the sudden radio silence that Wooyoung has given you has made you anxious to an unspeakable degree. And not having the security of being able to see San through Wooyoung’s eyes is plaguing you more than you’d like to admit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand that,” Jongho says through a deep exhale. “I feel the same way about Mingi right now honestly. No matter how much faith and trust I have in Mingi, that fear always lingers and resides in me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s how I feel about San. I shouldn’t be worried about him but part of me is just fearful that we won’t make it in time. That he’ll accept the serum before we can get him out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho brings his hand up to take hold of one of yours, squeezing around your palm as tight as he can without hurting you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know San better than I know anyone on the crew, besides Mingi perhaps. I’ve spent years at San’s side. He was the only person who trusted me at first and trusted me enough to let me in. That trauma he bears, the scars on his past, the red in his ledger, those lingering pains that resurfaced when the mutiny happened — I have felt them all. I spent months at the foot of his bed, taking what pain I could away for as long as I could, just existing to comfort him and help him get through even one more night. And in that myriad of emotions I felt from San, not once did I ever feel him desire to take it all away. Those scars he bears are part of him, and he treats them as such. Something like… small accessories on a bigger picture that he won’t let go of. So no matter what happens, I have confidence that San won’t let them win. He’s far too stubborn for that, his heart is too big, he has too much love in his body for such a thing. He would rather die before he forgets the crew, and that fact alone makes me confident that San will hold out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You are left in the wake of Jongho’s words for too long, letting them crawl under your skin and find a home there. You count the seconds that pass before your voice finds you again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand that.” Forty-one seconds. “It’s just the fear of him being hurt when I’m not around to stop it that is hard to get past.” Jongho’s smile is nothing if not soft and gentle, the epitome of understanding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In our line of work, that fear is always present. It’s always a possibility too, but at some point, you reach a point where you accept that sometimes, you won’t always be able to save someone from all pain. Just because you can’t prevent every ounce of pain doesn’t mean that you are doing something wrong or that you’re not doing enough.” Jongho pauses. Some emotion fills his red eyes and leaves them swimming with something unspoken. “There are some pains that we must allow to happen, no matter how much we wish to do the opposite. Even something as horrid as pain can be necessary and needed to move forward in life. Try not to dwell on it too much and focus on Wooyoung for now, yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying my best,” you sigh and drop your head back against the seat. The second your thoughts begin to drift, you are brought back to another memory, this time one of Hongjoong’s dark office with Seonghwa at your side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You punched Jisung in the face?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Please, I let him off easy,” you huff back, ignoring the lieutenant’s slight shock in favor of finding interest in the wall.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s not the important part,” Hongjoong cuts in from where he sits behind his desk. You shift to glance over the captain. “Does Jisung know anything about you being a Siren?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No, not that I recall,” you mutter after little thought. “I never slept with him or anything like that, and I can’t remember him ever seeing my back so it’s safe to assume he doesn’t know. Besides who would just see tattoos and immediately assume ‘Siren’?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then his interest in you has nothing to do with you being a Siren?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Exactly, but why is that important? I can tell you why he wants me if that’s what you’re curious about.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“We’re just eliminating suspicions right now.” Hongjoong shifts his focus to where Seonghwa stands. He wears a bit of a cocky grin as they stare at each other, both feet slung up on the edge of his desk and one brow raised. “See? Jin has nothing to do with this.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That doesn’t eliminate the possibility altogether!” Seonghwa retorts. A frown mars his otherwise pretty features, twisting his lips into a scowl so deep that you feel your own muscles ache at the sight of it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You live your life in fear of Seokjin. For what? Do you not trust me to keep you safe?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That isn’t it and you know it, Joong. I will not sabotage your plans simply because of what I am. That is why we keep my identity to be a closely-guarded secret yet our number one enemy knows of that identity. That is a weakness, and it’s one that you need to take seriously.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why is that? Sheltering you would be more suspicious to the crew than anything else. Unless you would like to inform them of your identity? Allow me to call them all right this instant.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No! No, Hongjoong, I — fine. Have it your way. Keep believing that you’ll be able to fix where Jin went wrong by ignoring the issue altogether because th—”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That’s enough.” You bristle at the tone of the captain’s voice even though he is not speaking directly to you. “I’m still on edge as well, Hwa, and I know you are as well. I know </em>
  <span>why</span>
  <em> you are too, but please have at least a little faith in me. Now, Y/N—” Hongjoong turns back to you now “—I’d like to ask about the nightmares you had that night.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your initial response is to inhale sharply and glance over at Seonghwa with panic boiling in your gut. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why do you want to know?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>All Hongjoong does is roll his eyes and drop his feet off the side of his desk. You purse your lips at the action, watching him with wary eyes as he shifts his position to prop his elbows up on the same wood.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Seonghwa, you’re dismissed.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I — Captain?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Dismissed, Lieutenant. I need to speak with her in private.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why is it something I cannot be present for?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That was an </em>
  <span>order</span>
  <em>, not a suggestion. Now go.” If possible, the temperature of the room would drop ten degrees. Seonghwa seems to want to retort further but he bites his lip instead. Then, he gives a quick bow at the waist and mutters a goodbye before slipping out of the office without any further issue. “What did your nightmares consist of?” Hongjoong repeats, arching a brow as he speaks this time as though it will get you to talk faster.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You didn’t have to get me alone to ask me that, did you? What is this really about?” The questions flow without hesitation, and your second refusal to talk about the dreams draws a sigh from Hongjoong’s lips.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Do you know anything of Seonghwa’s relationship with his mother, Y/N?” A beat of silence. You shift your weight from foot to foot, glancing away from the captain to find interest in something on the floor.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I… did witness a few of his memories when the two of us were still with each other in the dreams, but — if you mean to ask me about his nightmares, I have nothing to offer. I didn’t see those at all.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No, he already told me all about those nightmares. I don’t need to know more of them,” Hongjoong exhales with a shake of his head. He draws his arms up over his chest as he talks, falling back to slump in his chair and letting his exhaustion shine through. “Initially, I was going to have Seonghwa go with Yeosang and Jongho on this mission. But now, that plan has changed and I will be sending you instead.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Why?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I can’t send Seonghwa down to Lynder unless I myself can be at his side the entire time. There is far too much of a risk if I am unable to do that.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Risk? Of what? He would be with Yeosang and Jongho, would he not?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yet if even the barest whim overcomes him, they would have to listen to whatever he says because of his position as lieutenant. I am the only one with more power than him, and as such, he has to listen to me. If he goes to Lynder, the risk is of him abandoning the mission to seek out his mother.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“That doesn’t sound like something he would do at all,” you counter. Both you and Hongjoong drop your chins at the same time, although yours is more of an accusatory and pointed action compared to the slumping defeat that comes over Hongjoong’s body when he lowers his head.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know how much or what exactly you saw in Seonghwa’s memories. I do not need to know either. But something you need to know is that we have been back to Lynder exactly once since I met Seonghwa there. And that one single time, two years ago, we had to lock Seonghwa in the brig for six days straight to keep him from breaking out to kill his mother. Seonghwa tore cuts into his arms and shoulders so deep that Yunho had to come stitch him every night until we finally chained him to a wall to get him to stop. When he finally gave up on trying to break out, I went in and took the cuffs off, only for Seonghwa to choke me hard enough to fracture my neck and leave bruises that lasted for several weeks.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“A-Ah…” The sound of your dry swallow echoes in your ears. It’s hard to imagine Seonghwa — cool, rigid, stoic, gentle and calm Seonghwa — ever being so depraved and rabid as to harm himself as well as Hongjoong. Seonghwa, whose greatest fear is losing his captain. Yet the grave expression coating Hongjoong’s delicate features remains serious and deadpan, and you know every word is one that holds a memory that is painful to recall. He’s telling the truth.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Have you ever had that voice in your head telling you to be cruel, Y/N?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Of course I have,” you admit through a whisper, like the words are going to break the threads of tension hanging in the air.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Seonghwa has lost his will and his mind to that voice time and time again, and it gave him his reputation as the Lieutenant of Death. Mingi may be a slave to a childhood which bred him to be a monster, but Seonghwa? He’s a slave to his own consciousness, the part of him that spent years trying to be perceived as an Elitist so that he could hide what he really is, someone cold and calculated without an ounce of remorse or emotion. He put his own monsters under the bed, but now he can’t get them out.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hongjoong sits up a bit straighter all of a sudden. His gaze is still unfocused and hazy though, refusing to look you straight in the eye. Either subconsciously or through the fog of that revisited memory, Hongjoong lifts a hand to his neck and rubs idly at the skin there.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“My Seon—Lieutenant is strong, but strength isn’t worth a damn thing when the person you’re fighting is yourself. He admitted to me once that the thought of letting that voice win is more terrifying than the act of killing his own mother. So for that reason, I can never allow such a thing to happen. Seonghwa’s demons are nothing if not rabid dogs begging for a pound of flesh, and if he can’t fight them on his own, I’ll do it for him.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N, are you sure you’re alright?” Jongho yet again brings you back to reality, most likely a bit disturbed by the way you are squeezing his hand tight enough to hurt, but he takes it without complaint. “You keep drifting out of focus.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” you say, filling your chest with air when you remember to breathe properly again. “Everything is fine.” Rather than responding with words, Jongho just places his other hand over your joined ones and brings them to rest on his thigh. If you listen closely enough, you’re able to hear him humming a soft melody under his breath but the rumble of the transport car covers most of the sound up. Still, it’s a relaxing sound that brings you some much-needed peace of mind for the remainder of the ride. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And as it turns out, Yeosang wasn’t bluffing when he said the three of you would be there soon because you had barely started listening to Jongho’s soft song when the car comes to a screeching halt that leaves you lurching forward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright then.” Yeosang stands first, hands smoothing down the fabric of his tunic even though it’s still perfectly in place. It’s not against his nature to get nervous or anxious, but it is still odd to witness like this. He is usually stoic in an unsettling way yet the grim expression he now wears is only accentuated by the crude shadows cast over his face. “It’s go time. Let’s get Wooyoung back in one piece, yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, the three of you climb out of the vehicle to be greeted by a dark and pristine city with thick clouds of smoke billowing through the air below you. Looking over the lip of the road is like looking down a cliff with the dramatic fall to the lower portion of the city. You weren’t exactly prepared to see such a drastic difference between the upper and lower echelons, yet looking over that cliff is like looking into a different city altogether with wooden buildings and decrepit warehouses that can barely hold themselves together. Where you stand with Yeosang and Jongho feels like a different world altogether with roads lined with lights and technology, tall buildings made from wood with exquisite carvings detailing the sides. From what you saw of the city in Seonghwa’s memories, Lynder has not changed one bit since he was here last.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can’t clearly see many of the buildings below your feet, but it doesn’t stop you from wondering which one could possibly be that bar where Seonghwa met Hongjoong, if it even still exists. Jongho pulls you away from the road by the arm, tugging you along behind him as you approach a new building. The swaying wooden panel outside the door is a dead giveaway, but it’s the absurd amount of lilies trailing over the railings that tells you what this place is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They weren’t bluffing with the House of Lilies name,” you mutter, wrinkling your nose a bit at the overwhelming stench. Yeosang has grown alarmingly still; he lingers outside the tall double doors with a hand hovering over the brass handles without budging even an inch for far too long. You could pretend to not know </span>
  <em>why</em>
  <span> he’s hesitating, you could act like he is merely holding you back and push past him in annoyance, yet instead, you find yourself laying a hand atop his shoulder and squeezing the fabric there lightly. “No matter what happens in there or what we find in there, we </span>
  <em>will </em>
  <span>bring Wooyoung out alive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang releases a shaky exhale that makes his shoulder quake under your fingers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know we will.” He looks past your face to make eye contact with Jongho then gives a curt nod. “Here goes the first fifteen minutes of hell.” The Elitist pushes hard against the brass handles, and the door gives way to his effort. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If you thought the smell outside the House was horrid, you don’t even know how to describe the reeking stench of flowers that hits you with the force of a tsunami. It’s thick enough for you to feel as though you are wading through a sea of flowers when in reality it’s just a strange yellow haze hanging about the interior. Yeosang doesn’t let the smell affect him in the slightest; he walks inside without missing a beat, shoulders pushed back so far it nearly hurts to see. Despite that, he walks like a prince, like someone who knows how to act in high society with ease, and for the first time, you don’t see Kang Yeosang before you. Instead, it’s Kang Minhee, the forgotten prince of Aera, who walks before you and heads for the front desk where a middle-aged woman with dramatic hair and hefty makeup stands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should mingle a bit and look natural,” Jongho whispers when the two of you stop just inside the doors. “May I?” He motions to your arm with a small smile, not saying anything else and leaving you confused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“May you…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quit being dense and give me your arm,” he huffs back and extends his elbow for you to loop your arm through, and this time, you get the hint, hooking your hand around the inside of his arm. Yeosang shifts to look back at both of you as you pass, and you offer each other discreet nods before he returns to speaking to the receptionist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You let Jongho lead the way for the most part since you aren’t sure what you’re supposed to be doing outside of “looking normal”, although even doing that is somewhat difficult. Jongho doesn’t stray far from the entrance area until Yeosang dips into a hallway and out of sight without looking back at the two of you. Moments later your wristbands buzz, signaling that it’s time for the first fifteen-minute countdown to begin. Jongho shifts to fiddle with his wristband while you keep your hand folded over his elbow still. It gives you a chance to glance around the whorehouse without the distraction of having to act normal, but frankly, there isn’t much to see beyond the bodies filling the foyer and mingling about the lounge before you. There are flowers everywhere — probably an overabundance of them, and they aren’t just lilies as they were outside. You can’t pinpoint whether those flowers are the source of the clawingly sweet scent stuck to the insides of your nostrils or not, but that yellow fog seems partially responsible to some degree. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You seem to know how to look like you belong in high society,” you mutter once Jongho pulls his attention back to your surroundings. A huff of laughter leaves his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not because I grew up that way. I was merely an observant child who wanted to grow up and have more than what I had.” A smile cracks his stony expression. “Isn’t that what all children want?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, you wouldn’t really know, would you? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho’s expression softens as he realizes what he’s said and who he has said it to, and his gaze turns apologetic seconds later. He turns to flag down one of the workers milling about with drinks, taking two glasses of what looks like wine in one hand. Jongho angles one of the half-full flutes in your direction. You take the hint with relative ease despite the clawing scent of flowers still muddling your thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to hit a nerve,” Jongho says through what seems to be a sympathetic smile. “What do you think your childhood was like? If you don’t mind talking about such things. We have time to kill after all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You draw your lips into a tight purse, curling them around the edge of the wine glass and pressing an imprint of your dark lipstick there. Subconsciously, your hand tightens around the inside of Jongho’s arm as well, although the Berserker doesn’t comment on the added pressure as he simply continues to regard you with the same steely and careful gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think it must have been rather sad,” you admit after some thought. It must not be the answer Jongho was expecting at all because his brows draw together in confusion. “What kind of childhood must one have for them to willingly sell away their memories by fourteen? The more I think… about that time — when they gave me the serum — I recall fighting the doctors but I don’t think it was because I didn’t know what they were doing. I’m certain that I knew my memories would be taken from me. It was the act of them strapping me to a chair like a prisoner that frightened me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time when Jongho smiles, all you can see is pain in his deep red eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would have given anything in the universe to have my memories taken away at that age too, if it’s of any comfort to you.” He pauses to swirl the liquid in his glass, watching the red liquor dance before his eyes under the yellow haze around your bodies. “Don’t think you’re weak for wanting to forget that past. No child should ever deal with pains that strong, even if you can’t remember what they are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“People like you… San, Mingi… the whole crew honestly — how can I not view myself as weak in comparison? People who were given the choice but denied it and rejected it unlike me, who apparently didn’t want to be left with some shred of dignity. What did I become with that fresh slate they gave me? All I could do then was be weak, but it seems like that hasn’t changed one bit.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho won’t let up with that devastating smile, and you are about to turn away so that you don’t have to see it any longer when he finally lets it fall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For what it’s worth, you are rather strong in my eyes. During your fight with Jisung, I’ll admit that I tried to ease some of your pain then. It’s not something you know about — the others know of it by now so I should have told you sooner and I’m sorry for that but I have a special mutation in my genes that gives me the ability to take away and absorb emotional auras. I inherited it from one of my grandparents so it’s something I grew up learning how to use and I carried that over when I joined the crew. I attempted to do that with you because you were in so much distress and I was worried but — b-but your pain was too much for even me to bear. So before you go around calling yourself weak, you ought to give yourself more credit. Just because the pains you bear are different doesn’t mean that they are any less than the pains the rest of us bear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho doesn’t say anything more than that; he slings his wine back in one shot like it’s nothing then places the now empty glass on a waiter’s tray as he’s passing by. You don’t touch your own, mulling over the glass as you fall deep in thought. If Jongho could feel that much from you, then it begs the question of what else he might be able to feel from you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Can he sense that I’m a Siren too? Would he be able to tell that Seonghwa and Wooyoung are Sirens as well?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your mind shifts to latch onto something else he said. </span>
  <em>Your pain was too much for even me to bear</em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s okay, Y/N. Stand down,” he murmurs. “You need to pick your battles, and this is not one for you to fight right now.” Again you feel that pull of warmth coming from him, like someone is trying to pull something from your chest, but it retracts almost instantaneously. Jongho falters. His eyes squeeze shut harshly, face contorting with something that almost looks like pain in your eyes, but that lasts less than a second before he’s recovered again. It’s not enough to stop the onslaught of emotions coursing through your veins.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You had been too preoccupied at the time to think about that moment until now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That time — did I hurt you? When you tried to take it away, did I hurt you even a little bit?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing you did hurt me, Y/N. It wasn’t your fault, I promise you didn’t do anything. It’s something I have done time and time again for others on the crew and something I would do again as well. It’s what I’m good at, and something I was born with for a reason. If it helps even a little bit, then why would I not take the temporary pain?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every fiber of your being is telling you to fight those words, to tell him that it’s not worth it, your pain should not be a burden he has to bear as well, yet no words fall from your lips. Your mouth stutters uselessly without saying anything, and Jongho just keeps smiling like nothing is wrong. The clenching in your chest is not fine, however, and you force yourself to turn away from him in the hopes it will alleviate that pain. Instead, your eyes travel to a head of bright red hair that is so starkly different than anything else in the room that you have to stare right at it. It would be nothing odd or out of the ordinary to you since the crew you are now part of has such a wide array of hair colors. It would be something you look right past without much thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yet you find yourself staring right at it. Right at the girl who turns to look around the lounge with red hair sweeping through the air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You jolt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something hits your shoulder hard enough to tip your drink over and spill some of the red wine onto the floor. Your hand retracts from Jongho’s arm to touch the knife hidden behind the fabric of your skirt. You’re forced to pull your gaze away from the girl, finding the man who bumped into you to just be a stumbling drunk man with little sense for spatial awareness and direction. Jongho wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you a bit closer to his body. The man continues on without any regard for you or the wine he just spilled. Jongho takes your glass with his free hand, discarding it at the nearest flat surface before redirecting his focus back to you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Y/N, everything is okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” you murmur back, but your gaze goes straight back to where that redhead just stood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look like you just saw a ghost.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instinct tells you to stay put and continue on with the mission, putting that familiar face to the back of your mind. But again your heart is clenching painfully in your chest, racing so fast that you feel the pounds echoing in your ears, and you know you can’t let go of her that easily. Not when she’s this close to you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I did.” You pull away from Jongho to go chasing through the crowd after that red hair, but the Berserker moves with you in a rush.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N, we can’t get off track. There’s only six minutes until it’s your turn to go to the counter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You wave him off with a dismissive hand rather than responding with words. Moments later, you find your target again, just as she is turning to head for the hallway that Yeosang went down not too long ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Soojin?” You throw the name out as a last resort, mostly a desperate attempt to see if you are right and your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you in this heady yellow haze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She freezes in place. It gives you just enough time to shove past the crowd and get closer to where she stands. You close your fingers around her shoulder, tugging with as little force as possible so that she turns to face you. There’s not a doubt in your mind when you see her face. She seems to recognize you as well based on the way her eyes are blown wide as saucers. The girl — well, you suppose she would be a woman by now — glances past your shoulder to look at Jongho. Her throat rolls as she swallows around nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You must have me mistaken for someone else,” Soojin whispers, bringing her gaze back down to you. She dips her head a bit then pulls away from you to head down the hall. You think back to Jisung — the threats and odd comments he made combined with the newly resurfaced memories of Hyunwoo lingering at the forefront of your mind, and you know without a shadow of a doubt that you can’t let her go this easily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“P-Please, Soojin — I need to talk with you. It’s important, please, I have so many questions and no one else to ask.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you do, little scapegoat,” she huffs back. “I actually have work to do though and a client waiting for me, so I’m not all too inclined to speak with you. I’m not sure why you came here, but I don’t think I have the answers you’re looking for either.” You don’t have a chance to keep her from leaving after that because she turns and leaves so quickly that it leaves you reeling. Jongho tugs you back by the arm, pulling you from the hallway and out into the lounge again before you can chase after her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell was that?” He hisses under his breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She — I-I knew her. She w-was my teammate, one of the p-people assigned to my unit in the military. I… I had no idea she ended up here of all places. Jongho, I have to talk to her, please, I have to. This c-could be what I need! If Jisung won’t tell me the truth, then maybe she knows something. She has to know something o-or else I—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your voice dies in your throat, but your unspoken desperation seems to reach Jongho nonetheless. The key to whatever memories you lost could lie in Soojin. Things happened so quickly at the end, perhaps she learned of something before leaving Eros with the others. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She called you a scapegoat,” Jongho says. He swallows hard, Adam’s Apple bobbing with the motion. “What was that about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Truthfully, you hadn’t gotten that far. You didn’t even think to question that part but it is odd and not something you recall her calling you in the past.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure why she would say that. All the more reason to speak to her and ask. Jongho, please!” You attempt to pull away from his grip as you speak. The Berserker doesn’t budge, too strong for you to fight like this, and he doesn’t let up even when you try to slap his hand away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Y/N.” He yanks you back to him and brings his free hand up to rest on your forehead. This time, you can physically feel the panic in your bones ebbing away and being pulled to your forehead where Jongho touches you. It’s a frightening sensation but the influence he has over you takes that fear away as well, leaving you in a daze of confusion because you know you should feel bothered right now but you cannot bring yourself to feel that way even as Jongho pulls away from you. His jaw twitches just a hair, not moving much beyond that, then he grits his teeth to hiss out his next words. “Wooyoung is our mission. You have to focus. You have two minutes to get up to that counter and do your job. We can try to track down your teammate later, but not on a mission like this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You have it in you to at least be angry enough to tug your arm out of his grasp.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t touch my emotions like that again. I understand you trying to take my pain, and as much as I hate that and despite the thought of you taking my pains for me, this is different. Emotionally sedating me for the sake of completing a mission better is </span>
  <em>different</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t give him a chance to reply before you’re heading off for the counter where Yeosang stood not too long ago. The woman who previously occupied the space behind it has disappeared, now replaced by a young man who must be younger than you from the looks of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How can I help you, ma’am?” He asks as you sidle up to the desk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d like a room, an hour’s worth.” You fumble a bit with your pockets as you try to fish a credit chip out without exposing the knife strapped to your thigh, but the boy doesn’t look up until you slide the chip across the counter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, of course,” he hums. “Do you have any preferences for pleasure tonight?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A male short in stature with black hair and tanned skin,” you recite back, forcing a smile onto your lips when the boy glances up at you. He tilts his head to the side. You swallow the saliva gathering in your mouth as the stare grows unsettling then he shakes his head and speaks again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you like someone more submissive or dominant?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm? Oh, um…” That wasn’t part of the plan. Surely Yeosang would have mentioned it if he had known they would ask. But what would he have said if they asked him the same? “Um, submissive is fine, I suppose?” The boy hums again then motions towards the hallway where Yeosang and Soojin both headed down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your room will be on the second floor, Room 213. Please take the stairs at the end of the hall.” He passes a keycard your way along with your credit chip, leaving you with a grin and a soft-spoken, “Your courtesan will join you shortly. Enjoy.” You bristle at his words but manage to smile a little bit as you take both the card and your chip back. You leave the counter to head for the hallway, not pausing to look back at where Jongho might be, but you ping your wristband as you go. Nothing has come in from Yeosang’s side again so it’s safe to assume he doesn’t have Wooyoung with him by now. It leaves you and Jongho with more pressure and either more or less of a chance to recover him, so you can only hope for the best as you climb the stairs to the second floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Room 213 is empty as expected when you slip inside, and it’s free from that odd yellow fog outside as well, so you bask in the freedom and breathe fresh air deeply while you can. It’s a basic and standard room — much more like a small hotel room than anything else from the cabinet near the door and the double bed pushed up against the wall. There’s a metal sink as well close to the window but nothing else adorns the room leaving it rather dismal and simple. Not that you expected these people to treat the courtesans with even an ounce of respect; it’s still disheartening to think of Wooyoung being stuck in such a small and cramped space without a choice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever peace you thought you could have is cruelly interrupted less than five minutes later as a series of shy knocks reach your door. You blink up from where you sit perched on the edge of the neatly made bed. </span>
  <em>Is this how Yeosang felt waiting for his door to open?</em>
  <span> You inhale sharply, heart pounding mercilessly in your throat and choking you with the strength of an actual hand. And shamefully, you can’t even bring yourself to look at the door when it slides open, too afraid of not seeing Wooyoung standing behind it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Y/N?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You snap your head towards the door so quickly that your neck pops with the effort, eyes blinking open faster than ever, and even when your gaze settles on him, you still can’t quite believe he’s really before you. In that moment, the two of you merely regard each other with stunned stares like neither of you can believe this is possible, and in that time, the door slides shut again to leave you together in the all too small room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung.” You bring yourself to your feet, standing on shaky legs as you face him. “W-Woo—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cuts you short by barreling into you with such force that it knocks the air out of your lungs. The metal around his neck scrapes against your skin hard enough to cut but you pay it no mind as he squeezes his arms around your waist and releases a heart-wrenching sob into your shoulder. Reason returns to you then, bringing you to ping your wristband again; although this time you tap it three times to alert the others that you have Wooyoung with you now. There is nothing more to do after that other than to hug him back as his tears soak your neck and shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I didn’t — I di-didn’t want to lose hope b-but… fuck it was s-so hard not to and I was st-starting to think I wouldn’t ever s-see you again,” Wooyoung sobs. You almost want to cry with him if not for the small blinking light in the upper corner of the room that catches your eye and sends a surge of panic through you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The cameras, Wooyoung. They’re still on, we need to—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah, they’re — they only c-check if you hit the button by the bed.” Wooyoung pulls back from your shoulder, at last, rubbing at his tear-stricken cheeks so hard it makes his skin blossom with red. He pauses to catch his breath, or at least steady himself enough to speak without choking on his words. “That si-signals that you’re unsatisfied so they’ll c-check and see what’s — what’s wrong before sending a new courtesan.” Wooyoung puts his hand in yours and laces your fingers without hesitation. The touch seems to offer him some more comfort that helps calm his small hiccups and cries. “Is Y-Yeosang okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s alright, yeah,” you whisper back through a smile. “Misses you something awful, but he’s here too. He tried to get to you first, but they must have sent someone else to him. Jongho came as well. To get you. We came to get you, Wooyoung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those words make Wooyoung’s eyes well up with sickening haste. He sinks to the bed before another sob forces its way out, and you sit down beside him like the mattress might collapse if you move too quickly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so glad. So fucking g-glad. Being in a pl-place like this without Yeosang — it’s fucking </span>
  <em>hell</em>
  <span>.” Wooyoung sinks his teeth into his lower lip just to keep it from trembling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you…” Surely it’s not a question you have any right to ask, and part of you feels like Wooyoung did need your help but merely did not want to bring you to this place, even if just to watch through his eyes. Still, you swallow the nerves and force the question out. “Have they made you work yet?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not important whether they did or not,” Wooyoung says through a weak smile, but that tells you all you need to know. It sounds too rehearsed and monotonous, like he’s been told to say this even if only by himself. “B-But what’s the plan? How are we getting out? Is someone coming to get us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, we’re to wait the allotted time here until we get news from one of Hongjoong’s contacts here. He’s a hacker, and he’ll take care of the surveillance system so that we can open the window and get out that way. We’ll meet Yeosang and Jongho in an alleyway not too far from here after that. Then head back to the ship on a transport car.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thought of everything, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I sure hope so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It should work just fine. We’re on the second floor though, so it’ll be quite the fall. Just remember to not go face-first.” Wooyoung’s smile is infectious, and you laugh along with his jest, hand squeezing around his. “How is Seonghwa doing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A-Ah, I nearly forgot you knew about that. Um, he’s alright but Hongjoong didn’t think he was well enough to come on the mission with us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Captain is up then? Yeosang mentioned he’d been out for quite some time because of his injuries. That’s great news that he’s up! I — he’ll be happy to hear that I have some info about where Mingi and San are being held too. I can tell him when we’re back on the ship. B-But Seonghwa is okay otherwise?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yunho said there’s no lingering signs of health issues so he’ll be okay physically. I… I have so many questions that I don’t even know where to begin.” Wooyoung’s smile stretches a bit wider. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I assumed you would. That’s okay though; we have a full hour to use anyways, so you can ask me anything while we have the time to be alone together. I would say we could do it later when we’re back on the ship but Yeosang probably won’t let me out of his sight for even two seconds from now on. It’d be best for us to get it all out now so we don’t have to hear him scribbling in that damn notebook of his.” Wooyoung can’t hide his elation despite the teasing words, and you know that getting to see Yeosang again soon means more to him than you could ever understand. Yeosang must be feeling the same way himself, waiting out this hour with painstaking patience. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened in the days you didn’t let me in? You went quiet for so long I was getting worried.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, we shouldn’t start there,” Wooyoung murmurs, glancing down at the floor. He pauses. The breath of hesitation leaves your stomach in knots. “Nothing you want to hear, I promise. That’s why I didn’t try to bring you in. It wasn’t anything pretty, but I assure you there was nothing they could do to hurt me physically. I’m too far gone for that sort of torture. It’s… over and done with now. More scars to add to my collection, and more for Yeosang to cry over probably. We’ll both be fine. You’re probably wondering about the whole connection thing and us both being Sirens and such, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I — admittedly yes, but looking back now it seems almost obvious? I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner, I guess. But yeah, specifically that connection or whatever it is. Yeosang said he didn’t know much at all about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, yeah, I don’t know much myself either, to be honest.” Wooyoung presses his lips into a pout. “It’s hard to say what exactly it is. Seonghwa’s books don’t really have anything about this sort of occurrence, but what I’ve gathered from it so far is probably all that Yeosang told you. ‘There’s no place in the universe that you can hide from each other’. Daichi told me that once.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He told me the same actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm, I think he knows a bit more about it than he claims to. For me, I can almost hear you in my head when you’re in distress, even when you’re far away. Except it doesn’t sound like you’re scared or anything like that. It almost sounds as though you’re softly singing to me? Like… I’m on a boat with gentle waves and you’re singing to me through the water. When I’m asleep and dreaming and you reach out to me for help, I can close my eyes and find myself on a boat like that. A white boat on a black lake. And I hear you singing to me in the water, look down, and see a tiny flickering light through the darkness. For years I’ve had that dream.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang… he talked about you having such a dream. Swimming in a black lake and trying to reach someone but not being able to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Um, I’ve woken him up so much because of that very dream. I would have that dream time and time again before you joined the crew, desperately swimming to reach you but it was like something was blocking me from getting to you. Like I could never reach you no matter how fast I was. I would never be able to get in. Then suddenly — one night I did, and I woke up in a box of fabrics in the cargo bay.” Wooyoung shifts to look you in the eye, a weak laugh slipping through his lips. “That feels so long ago now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been wondering how to thank you for that,” you murmur. “If not for that moment, I would have died.” The skin around your nails suddenly seems a lot more interesting, and you busy yourself with picking at it mindlessly rather than looking back in Wooyoung’s direction. He doesn’t let your hand drift far from his though before he’s tugging it right back into his grasp. His other hand finds its way atop yours as well, holding your joined ones together tightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t do it to get a thank you. It was just… the right thing to do. It’s sad that we live in such a bad and awful society where you feel the need to thank me for doing something as simple as that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you not thank Yeosang for saving his life once upon a time?” You dare to ask. Wooyoung is a bit startled at first, caught off-guard by both your sudden question and the content behind it, but he laughs loud and clear without restraint.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For someone who claims to hate talking about his life, he sure does talk a lot, doesn’t he?” Wooyoung brushes his bang out of his eyes, pushing the strands that have quickly grown unruly and long to the side. “Yeosang never lets me thank him. Any time I’ve tried, he shut me down before I could finish. Honestly, he saved my life twice. Once when he chose me from that lineup of slaves and spared me a crueler fate, and once when he broke those chains and set me free.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Chose… me…? Then it wasn’t Yeosang’s mother who picked Wooyoung out for him?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t get to dwell on that thought for long because Wooyoung simply continues to ramble, more and more peace coming to his shoulders as he calms down further.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang only ever thanks </span>
  <em>me</em>
  <span>. As odd as that is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you — have you ever saved his life then?” You already know the answer to that question, but it’s already hanging in the air between you by the time you catch yourself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Wooyoung is beaming by now, lips stretched wide as he grins. “I got him out of prison when they charged him with treason.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And that’s what he thanks you for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung’s smile doesn’t falter even as he shakes his head in denial.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He never claims to have saved me, not even once. Instead, Yeosang says that I saved </span>
  <em>him</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“B-But why? Objectively he did save you, so why does he not acknowledge that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because, Y/N, there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Yeosang and I loved each other for many years before. But just loving each other wasn’t enough for Crown Prince Kang Minhee to break my chains and commit treason. When ”I love you“ turns into ”I am in love with you“ and ”I am in love with the mere idea of you“, then </span>
  <em>Yeosang</em>
  <span> set me free. Even though I would never have asked him to do it, he chose to on his own accord. So he thanks me and says that I saved him because of that. Because I trusted him enough to put my life in his hands time and time again and let him fall in love with me. He claims it to be a difficult thing — allowing an Elitist to fall in love with you. But with Yeosang… he has only ever made it easy. There are times where it is difficult and frustrating, where I wish that he could be anything other than an Elitist, for fuck’s sake, times when I would rather break his neck in an absolutely non-sexy kind of way, but that’s part of love and loving someone. That’s why he’s grateful to me. It sounds selfish and egotistical to say, but after having him repeat himself for so many years, I’ve grown to accept that even if I don’t believe I deserve it.” Wooyoung speaks with a raw conviction that you’ve heard before. It’s the same tone Hongjoong used when speaking to Seonghwa in the medbay, the same tone Yeosang used when talking about Wooyoung and their past together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even if you wanted to formulate a response, you don’t think you would be able to because of how overwhelming the emotion in Wooyoung’s voice is. He’s had every opportunity to blame Yeosang for the misfortune in his life, claim that if only Yeosang hadn’t picked him from the start he would be better off, claim that Yeosang got him out of being a slave only to put him in a more dangerous position. Wooyoung could even blame Yeosang for not protecting him well enough to keep him from being kidnapped and tortured.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yet not once has Wooyoung blamed him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps you were being unfair in pushing the blame onto Seonghwa’s shoulders when he didn’t fight your decision to go with Jisung. Is it so wrong to want someone to fight for you? Yet Yeosang has fought every day for Wooyoung and continues to do so. Wooyoung, who has been through hell and tortures he does not wish to speak about, asked about Yeosang’s well-being before anything else. Yet if they were in your position — if Wooyoung were the one agreeing to go with Jisung to save the others, would Yeosang not drop everything to fight for him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your mind screams back at you, telling you that it’s different, the situations aren’t the same, the relationships aren’t the same, and you cannot compare yourself to people like Wooyoung and Yeosang who have had years to figure this out. And so, you don’t compare yourself to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rather you compare Seonghwa and Hongjoong to them. How Seonghwa’s worst nightmare is not being able to save Hongjoong from himself. The sheer will and determination in Hongjoong’s eyes when he said he would never let Seonghwa’s demons overtake him. You can’t help but wonder if perhaps that is similar to what Wooyoung and Yeosang have. Neither are anything remotely close to what you have — </span>
  <em>had</em>
  <span>, your mind suggests ever so helpfully — with Seonghwa yourself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It may be selfish, but I don’t want you to push me away. I would rather be hurt and still have you in my life rather than to be perfectly fine without you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That memory slips through unannounced and unasked for, and the mere prospect of why it’s coming back to you while you’re having such thoughts scares you so much that you slam the door in that memory’s face and throw away the key before it breaks loose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But anyway that’s — I rambled a bit too much, that’s not the point, um, have you ever had similar dreams like those? The ones I had, I mean? Before waking up in my body or before you came to the crew, any time you can remember. I know you haven’t had much opportunity yet, but you’ve had a few experiences by now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t recall ever having those sorts of dreams. That dream you mentioned about the lake — I had a dream that I was drowning in a black lake the night you came to save Seonghwa, but when I wake up in your body, it’s simply that. All I know is falling asleep and waking up like a passenger in your consciousness. I don’t have any control like you’ve had over my body.” Wooyoung’s eyes are oh so expectant and pleading, and it twists something painful in your gut. You want so badly to have information for him, to be able to give him answers or even a hint as to what could be going on, but frankly, you have nothing to offer. “I’m sorry, Wooyoung. I-I feel utterly useless in this whole situation. I d-don’t know what’s wrong with me or my head, I just can’t remember at all and I don’t… You and Seonghwa seem to have this whole Siren thing figured out, how it works, what sort of abilities you have, how to use them. I, on the other hand, have so many gaps and missing pieces in my memories. I’ve had one or two moments where I consciously used some sort of ability, then Seonghwa tried to help me learn, but other than that I don’t know what I’m doing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay!” Wooyoung rushes to reassure you, squeezing his hand tight around yours as he smiles again. “Y/N, please don’t worry about that. I don’t expect you to have an answer right now, it’s really okay. We’re gonna figure this out together now that you finally know what I am and we’ll be back on the ship soon. And I can help you understand more about being a Siren in general too! If we can get to the Dreamscape together, maybe Daichi will be willing to talk.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Last time I was there, he tried to kill me and told me that if I kept asking questions he would end my life,” you snort. Wooyoung’s smile drops into a grave expression that doesn’t fit his features.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In the beginning — when I first started seeing Daichi, that is — he wasn’t like that. He wanted me to find other Sirens. That’s what ultimately made Yeosang choose Captain’s crew because Daichi had told me there was a Siren there. Then as more time went on, Daichi seemed to get more and more frightened by the idea of Sirens finding each other. He started telling me that someone dangerous would find me, someone I should guard myself from.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He warned me of the same when I first came aboard. But Seonghwa mentioned how Daichi’s job is to guide Sirens to each other?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s true, yes, but Daichi seems to have changed his mind along the way. I can’t understand why, but I’m sure it will make it a lot more difficult to find two more for Captain.” Your conversation dies a bit there, leaving both you and Wooyoung to stew over the predicament. According to Daichi, you spent years denying your identity and refusing to listen to him, so you never made an effort to find any Sirens like both Wooyoung and Seonghwa have been apparently. Still, it leaves you more curious than before, especially given what all happened in your latest escapade in the Dreamscape.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Tsukio can find you anywhere, even while far away! This mental connection you share, this link — the two of you are a dyad, a yin and a yang, a pair that cannot be severed. No matter how far apart you are, the two of you will always be able to come back to each other.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did he ever tell you that we will always be able to come back to each other?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come… back to each other? No, I’ve never heard him say such a thing before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I remember seeing you in a dream before, not the Dreamscape but an actual dream. But that dream felt more like a memory, and I asked you about it once in the medbay. I know you told me no then, but does it have anything to do with what Daichi said possibly?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, I suppose it could?” Wooyoung leans back and looks up at the ceiling. You can’t figure out what’s on his mind just through his expression, and what he says next doesn’t help much either. “But I don’t have any sort of memory like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You — you were wiped with a serum too, weren’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did Yeosang tell you that as well?” Wooyoung asks through a frown. “Did he mention how guilty he feels about that too? Probably, that would be very much like him to do so. Guilty for things that aren’t even his fault… but yes. Yes, my memories were wiped too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have another question. I’m sorry for asking so much all at once. Yeosang never gave me a clear answer though, so I’m still curious, but why haven’t you told Hongjoong about this?” Wooyoung doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he sinks his teeth into his lower lip and refuses to look your way for a bit. The silence drags but it’s nothing uncomfortable or unsettling. It isn’t like you’re on a time crunch right now either, so you’re more than willing to wait until he is ready to speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s something stupid and selfish honestly,” he whispers after a bit. His other hand finds purchase on the bed, picking at a loose thread hanging off the sheets. “I didn’t expect Yeosang to take it so seriously, but now he’s adamant even when I try to tell him otherwise. Really it’s just that when I was still a slave, I didn’t always have to wear the collar. It dampened and muted my abilities so I couldn’t use them freely. Shocked me a lot too whenever I foolishly tried to use them without permission, leaving some really ugly and awful scars. Yeosang always treated the wounds when that would happen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hand travels up to touch the band of metal hanging about his neck. You follow the movement with your eyes. You can’t miss the spreading scars underneath the metal as he shifts it, like little lightning bolts of pale skin hiding beneath it, and you wonder if that’s what you felt the first time you woke up in his body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a lot of scars from lots of different things. It shouldn’t be any different, and it shouldn’t even matter because it’s stupid and childish and I need to get over it. Even though the collar is dead and doesn’t work, like it doesn’t mute my abilities anymore or anything like that, just the idea of having it on keeps me sane. Being a Siren is both a blessing and a curse. Some abilities you’re born with are crueler than imaginable and can be used to do horrific things. The things I was forced to do with mine are not something I ever want to revisit again. So… I keep the collar on because the trauma I suffered while wearing it for so many years keeps me sane. Merely the idea of wearing it prevents me from using my abilities because I was conditioned into a state where if I tried doing anything while the collar was on, I would be hurt. When it comes to visiting you, it’s different because I’m asleep when that happens. And whenever people other than Yeosang or myself try to touch it, I get thrown back into the memories of his father taking it off me to use me as a weapon and I-I can’t — it’s too much to bear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I trust Hongjoong. I really trust him and admire him and respect him so much. As much as I do Yeosang even if it’s in a different way. But I have an innate fear of authority that tells me no matter who it is, the people who have power over me will abuse it. That if anyone above me knows I’m a Siren, I’ll be used again, and I’m afraid of that. So it’s not that I don’t </span>
  <em>want</em>
  <span> to tell Hongjoong. Just that as long as I have this collar on and as long as these demons linger at the edge of my mind, I don’t think I can ever tell him what I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You want to express an apology for bringing those memories back or at least offer an ounce of consolation because you can almost feel the pain radiating off his body in waves. But the moment you reach out to pull him into a hug, the door to your room slides open out of nowhere. You jerk, and Wooyoung lifts an arm to protect the both of you, but you take the initiative in pushing him down to the bed. In one swift movement, you climb in front of him, one knee down on the mattress and the other stretched out in front of Wooyoung’s body. The blade against your thigh is cool on your fingertips, but you don’t pull it out quite yet. The flash of red hair before you stops you at the last second.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Soojin?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The girl is already halfway in the room, door sliding shut behind her, and the second it’s fully closed, she turns to twist the lock into place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-Wait, we’re n-not supposed to lock the doors!” Wooyoung protests, leaning up over your shoulder to see better. Soojin levels him with a sharp glare. You reach behind you to push Wooyoung back enough so that he’s hidden behind your shoulder, matching Soojin’s stare with equal intensity. The girl steps closer to you, draws a single finger up, and stabs you hard in the chest with her dull nail.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You and me need to have a chat after all it seems.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” You clench your fingers around the handle of your knife, still not completely at ease with the woman standing in front of you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do I mean? I mean that my fucking client downstairs just tried to fucking </span>
  <em>murder</em>
  <span> me and gave me a message from </span>
  <em>Han Jisung</em>
  <span> of all people! Seeing you and hearing from that bastard on the same day after being free from that past for several years? That’s no fucking coincidence, Y/N.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Murder!? How did you — how did you get away?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A laugh of disbelief escapes Soojin’s lips as she pulls back a few feet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I killed him, of course! What else was I supposed to do? I dumped the fucker’s body out the window for staff to clean up later. This sort of thing happens frequently enough for them not to question it, and besides, I told them it was a jealous worker so they won’t really care all too much about him. But what the fuck is going on? Why are you here and why did Han Jisung just tell me my time is up and try to have me killed?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I-I don’t — I’m not with Jisung, I know nothing about that at all. He—” You cut yourself short with a sharp inhale, eyes darting across the floor like it has all the answers in it. “Wait, he knew I would be coming here though. Did he know that you worked here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately, not by choice though. We ran across each other around a year ago in the city, and I mentioned working at the House in passing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You shift to motion back at Wooyoung and pull your hand off the knife on your leg at last.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was brought here against his will by Jisung. Well, whoever Jisung is working with at least. I only came to get him out. We’re — he’s part of the crew I’m working with now. Jisung knew where he would be and that I would come to get him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And he’s still a psychopath when it comes to you then?” Soojin scoffs, brows knitting together to accentuate her disbelief. “He tried to have me killed just so that I would stay out of your business?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Soojin,” you exhale. “It doesn’t make any sense why he would do that. I already made a deal with him and he’ll get to take me regardless of what happens here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“T-Take you?” Wooyoung interjects. “Take you </span>
  <em>where</em>
  <span>?” His hand latches around your elbow and squeezes hard. You ignore the man in favor of maintaining your focus on Soojin, however, much to his dismay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unless you know something Jisung wouldn’t want me to know and he couldn’t even risk the thought of us running into each other and speaking.” At that, Soojin tilts her head to the side in confusion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What could I possibly know that you don’t?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened before you left the crew?” Her confusion intensifies to a dramatic degree. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you gone mad? Do you not remember or something? You were always a bit bad with memory, yeah, but has it gotten this bad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, Soojin, I’m begging you please just tell me what happened before the crew fell apart. I know you called me a scapegoat for a reason, please.” You reach out across the empty space between your bodies, having to stand to reach her, but when you do, you close a hand around her wrist. Soojin blinks between where you hold her and your face without speaking for so long that you think she’s going to refuse you again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I called you a scapegoat because I thought you were in on Jisung’s plan at the time,” she says finally, pulling her other hand up to run through her hair. “You would’ve done anything for him so I thought that was just another part of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did I </span>
  <em>do</em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should be asking what you remember happening instead.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What I remember is stealing documents and plotting to dismantle the military from the inside out with you guys but I fucked up. I know I fucked up and got caught and Hyunwoo took the blame for me and it got him fucking executed.” Soojin leans back, hand tugging out of your light grip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know nothing of what happened after Ash, Juyeon, and I left Eros. But before we left…” It’s her turn to hold you by the wrist. She turns your arm over and exposes the inside of your left arm, right where that damned brand sits against your raised skin. “You didn’t deserve </span>
  <em>this</em>
  <span>. It wasn’t your burden to bear. You were the scapegoat, and that’s why the team fell apart, that’s why we all broke up and ran away. You didn’t plan to steal anything, nor did you plot a thing. Neither did Hyunwoo. It was all Jisung; Jisung wanted to dismantle the military and kill the king. When Juyeon, Ash, and I found out what he was planning to do, we brought it to Hyunwoo. All Hyunwoo said was that stopping Jisung wasn’t something he could do. So he told us to leave while we still had the chance and that he would take care of things. He would take the blame so that no one else would have to get hurt. But you didn’t want him to do that, so you ran off and carried out Jisung’s plan for him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which part? Did I k-kill the king… before Hyunwoo died?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soojin heaves a deep sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The last night we were all together as a team, you snuck out of the barracks and infiltrated the palace. You stole the documents Jisung wanted — whatever the fuck they were because I don’t even know why he wanted them in the first place if he was going to kill the king anyways — and you killed the king that night too. Everything went to shit. It all happened too fast for the rest of us to know what was really going on. You just came back to the barracks and turned the lights on and…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t realize how hard your head is pounding until the woman trails off, voice dying in her throat, and then it hits you will so much force that you feel your body beginning to lurch. You would fall over, most likely smack your head on the sink as well, if not for Wooyoung jumping up and catching you by the waist before you can fully go down. And thanks to him, all you do is hunch over and hold your head in your hands as a stab of pain sears through your skull.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Breathe, Y/N, breathe for me,” he urges as you slump your weight back against him. “You need to breathe, okay? You’re hyperventilating. One breath every five seconds, slow it down, you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Th-There was blood. There was blood, wasn’t there?” Looking at Soojin fills your vision with pure crimson, but it’s not because of her hair this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she whispers back, not daring to speak any louder than that. “You were… drenched in blood that wasn’t yours. And we were so scared you had been hurt somehow. I carried you to the bath and cleaned you but you didn’t have a single scratch on you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh </span>
  <em>god</em>
  <span>,” you choke out. The red in your vision turns coppery as a different image takes over and a new memory swarms your head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What the fuck did you do!?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hands squeezing hard around your throat, shoving you under bloody waters.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Let her go!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You ruined everything! How could you do this? Why are you so fucking </em>
  <span>useless</span>
  <em>? I told you to sit still and not do anything!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The water spread to your nostrils and forced its way in as you struggled to find air.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Jisung, release her right this instant!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The hands around your throat just grew tighter.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung eases you down to the floor when the rest of your strength leaves you. He keeps a hand at your waist, using the other to hold your head to his chest in a desperate attempt to control the wild tremors shooting through your body. You keep a hand pressed to your throbbing temple but it does nothing to alleviate the pain you’re in, one that feels as though something is trying to rip your head in half with their bare hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“C-Can’t remember more. I can’t, I do-don’t want to remember anymore, I — it hurts. It hurts too much, it hurts so much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay. You don’t have to remember anymore, okay? You’re good, you’re done, no more. No more.” Even through the pain, you can’t miss the desperation in Wooyoung’s tone. His hand moves for your arm where your wristband sits, buzzing uselessly against your skin. “Y/N, what does this mean? Is something happening?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You want to answer, You even open your mouth to do so. Yet the moment you do, the taste of that metallic soapy water fills your mouth and you choke on air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N, please, what does it mean? Are we in trouble?” You think you shake your head but the panic in Wooyoung’s eyes isn’t reassuring and you aren’t sure you have any hold over the muscles in your body right now. “Please, do you know where our friend is?” He asks, directing his focus to where Soojin kneels in front of you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The brunette?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Brunette? No, no, I’m talking a blond?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“J-Jongho,” you force out, gritting your teeth until your jaw hurts from the force. “Jongho… here too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I saw that name on the register,” Soojin cuts in. “I checked it to find what room you were in and saw his name further down on the list.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please get him and bring him. Please, I know you — we just need your help right now, please,” Wooyoung begs. His grip on your waist tightens a little as Soojin hesitates, and it doesn’t let up until the girl nods and leaves the room in haste. Wooyoung brings you back to his chest once she’s gone, matching your shaky breaths as he gently rocks you back and forth. “I can’t… know your memories or the pain you’re feeling right now, but I know what it’s like to suddenly be hit with memories you forgot you had. Ones that were suppressed behind an iron wall. I know what it’s like to have it slip out and hit you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It fucking </span>
  <em>hurts</em>
  <span>.” You clench your jaw again, feeling a burn of pain up the side of your face with the movement. “Like someone is stabbing my b-brain with a da-damn icepick.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are the memories painful?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I d-don’t know. I can hardly think straight. My head hurts. That’s all I can think about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The serum… I’m assuming it’s the same one I was given back then. It can’t take </span>
  <em>away</em>
  <span> memories. Yeah, they tell you that it’s a wipe, but that’s only because they don’t want you trying to find those old memories. It can’t remove parts of the brain like that. They just use it to lock away memories but there’s no guarantee of it being permanent, so when you do remember something they tried to lock away, it hurts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“D-Does it hurt you like this too?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I’m — pain isn’t something that bothers me all too much, and I’m lucky enough to have Yeosang nearby when it happens. I’ve got a prescription for the pain from Yunho too. We can… we can get you something long-term back on the ship.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another stab of pain hits as the door slides open, metal grating hard on your ears, but this time Jongho stands with Soojin. He rushes over to join you and Wooyoung on the floor in a panic, obviously torn between being excited to see Wooyoung again and your current crumpled state.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeosang’s hour is up and he’s waiting at the meeting point. Captain hasn’t buzzed in on the contact yet.” Jongho reaches down to lay a hand against your forehead. You’re quick enough to turn your face further into Wooyoung’s shirt, inhaling the sickening floral scent that clings to his skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t even </span>
  <em>think</em>
  <span> about trying to take it away,” you hiss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t take physical pain, don’t worry. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here, something for the pain.” Soojin interrupts the moment to lean over you with a cup of unknown contents. “Fast-acting pain reliever. Every room has some in it just in case patrons get too out of hand. We keep it in the cabinets, I promise it’s nothing bad. It’ll numb you and make you a bit sluggish for a while, but it’ll also take the pain away.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Wooyoung murmurs as he takes the cup from her hands. He helps bring the cup to your lips, pushing some of the murky grey liquid inside into your mouth, and you struggle not to gag around the taste of it. He doesn’t stop until the entirety of its contents are drained into your mouth then tilts your head back to keep it down when some threatens to drip out the corners of your lips. An unknown hand comes down on your knee.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N, I’m so sorry.” Soojin. “I didn’t mean to hurt you with this information.” You swallow hard only to choke a second later on the putrid aftertaste clinging to your tongue. Wooyoung lets you cough into his shoulder without complaint, passing the now empty cup back to Soojin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You couldn’t have known,” you murmur after escaping the coughing fit. “It’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know what they would do to you after we left the planet,” she sighs through the quiet of the room. “I should have expected it honestly, knowing Jisung, but maybe I hoped he would be better than that. He always manipulated you so it only makes sense that he would try to manipulate your memories too. Do you at least know what happened a little bit better now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah, yeah.” You try to pull away from Wooyoung and get up but his grip on you doesn’t let up. “My memories were taken away for a second time and replaced with something else. So instead of only losing fourteen years of my life, I lost eighteen and spent the last three years believing those manipulated memories to be real. I’m peachy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another buzz from your wristband pulls your attention away, and Jongho glances down at his own too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cameras are down.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go then,” you mutter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay to move? Don’t push it if you’re not strong enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need to go now while we still can,” you protect, letting Wooyoung help you to your feet even if it’s on shaky legs. Jongho gives a curt nod then heads for the window, no doubt to pry it open. Soojin catches you by the arm before you can fully turn away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Y/N. Even if you can’t remember all of it, there are still things I regret saying and doing to you. I should have known back then how much Jisung was manipulating you and not pushed so much blame onto your shoulders.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can get out now with us, Soojin. While you have the chance.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And do what with that freedom?” She huffs out a dry and lifeless laugh. “Wander aimlessly? Ash and Juyeon are both missing in action. I have no clues or leads on where they might be or if they’re even alive. I don’t have anything left out there beyond the House.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… if I hear anything out there about them, I promise I’ll send you a message. I’ll find a way to get news to you, maybe through my captain’s contact or something. I swear if I can help you get out of this hellhole I will.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soojin reaches up to ruffle her hand through your hair, mussing the loose locks more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You always were a good kid, Y/N. Too good for the life you were forced to live.” It hurts to watch her smile. It hurts even more to let Wooyoung guide you to where Jongho waits by the now open window. “Go while you can, you three. The medicine will wear off in a few hours, but hopefully, you’ll have access to something better by then. I’ll make sure you get out safely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho dips through the open space first, hopping down to the pristine streets below with little issue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Send Y/N down next!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You can’t tear your gaze off Soojin. You don’t know when you might see her again or if you even will, and it hurts to leave her behind like this but she just keeps smiling at you with bright eyes and blinding hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“T-Thank you, Soojin. Please stay safe, if you can.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Always.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, Wooyoung hoists you over the ledge of the window and dangles you far enough down so that your fall is softened a bit. Jongho catches you by the legs, taking the brunt of your weight before you hit the ground. Wooyoung drops down beside you without warning a second later. As Jongho eases you down, you dare to glance up at the window you just left from, and it shuts slowly without a sign from Soojin inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung rushes back to your side and loops an arm back around your waist when you start to slump forward again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s — that’ll look too suspicious,” you mutter, pulling his arm back to his own side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We just dropped out a fucking window. I’m sure that would look more suspicious.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yet two steps later, you’re stumbling over your heels and Jongho comes to your rescue this time. He tugs your arm through his own as he walks forward without saying a word. You can only lean your weight on him and slump your chin against his shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence drapes over the three of you as you make your way to the meeting point with Yeosang. You aren’t in as much pain as you were earlier (Soojin wasn’t bluffing when she said fast-acting) but the medicine is already making you a bit groggy. It feels a bit like you’re wading through sludge just trying to walk a few steps, and frankly, Jongho is the only thing keeping you going at this point. Wooyoung lingers at your other side. Every once in a while, you feel his worried gaze find its way to your form. He might even be speaking to you at some point because you hear something that sounds vaguely like his voice through the radio static in your ears, but there is far too much on your mind and too much to think about right now for you to pay any attention to that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If… if I killed the king before Hyunwoo’s execution, then who did I kill that night? Did I kill anyone at all? Was that memory fabricated? What have I been working towards all these years if that’s a lie?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Funny how your search for answers only left you with more questions instead. There are too many questions to keep track of and not remotely enough answers to them. You know you won’t be able to have those answers yet either, not while San and Mingi are still missing and Jisung is bothering you. Where would you even look for answers now? Jisung would never tell you a thing, Hyunwoo is dead and gone, and now you’re leaving Soojin behind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The one thing that reaches your brain through the static in your ears is a dry and choked sob. You pull yourself out of your thoughts as Wooyoung disappears from your side. It doesn’t take much to guess why. You’ve reached the meeting point, the all too small alleyway where Yeosang waits for you three, and Wooyoung is running straight to him with reckless abandon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeosang, angel, Yeosang, my god I’m—” Wooyoung’s voice dies in a cracked sob when he reaches the Elitist. His hands barely brush the man’s shoulders because Yeosang drops to his knees in front of Wooyoung, face hidden but no doubt bearing tears, and he balls his fists around the flimsy material of Wooyoung’s pants. He presses his forehead to Wooyoung’s hip, hands traveling further up to press against the small of his back. Wooyoung can only card a hand through Yeosang’s hair in response, but it’s enough for now. It’s enough for both of them like this, with Yeosang’s knuckles white from the pressure of clinging to Wooyoung, and you and Jongho maintain your distance as best you can to give them this moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are they happy?” You whisper to Jongho even though the answer is blindingly obvious before you. The Berserker’s lips twist into a small grin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think there’s a word strong enough to describe how they’re feeling right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang pulls his head off Wooyoung’s hip and stares up at the man with tears on his cheeks and stars in his eyes. Wooyoung dips down to the Elitist’s height, pulling his face up to his own and slotting their lips together like nothing else in the universe exists around them. Again, it’s raw, as all emotions between these two seem to be, but it belongs to them and it’s something you can’t take away from them. When they part lips to gulp in desperate breaths of fresh air, Wooyoung places his forehead over Yeosang’s and takes the breath from his lungs like that. They don’t exchange words but there doesn’t seem to be a need for words either, not until Yeosang seems to catch hold of himself and come back to his senses. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The car is waiting for us at the other end of the alley. Driver’s already pulled up.” Jongho nods when the Elitist drags his gaze over to where the two of you stand. Yeosang lets Wooyoung pull him back into space after that, unable to contain a smile as the Siren continues to press more kisses to his cheeks. You and Jongho trail behind them to the other end of the alleyway. Seeing them together like this makes it worth it. You knew it would and you were striving to bring them this moment, but seeing it unfold before you like this increases that feeling tenfold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once in the car, Yeosang sits Wooyoung down in one of the cushioned seats then drops to the floor between his legs even when Wooyoung protests and tells him to get up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop, that’s weird! It looks weird, Yeo, please! It looks like you’re trying to su—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” Yeosang mumbles back as he drops his head to rest against Wooyoung’s thigh. “You’re the one who makes everything dirty. Get your head out of the gutter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung obviously doesn’t mind all too much because he returns to toying with the Elitist’s blond locks moments later as you and Jongho settle into the seats beside the pair. And from where you’re sitting, they really do look like young boys again, more than just a former slave and ex-prince but also less than that. Just… boys who fell in love despite the odds set against them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Woo, I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh, angel, I know. It’s okay. We’re okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You tune out of the conversation there. It’s far too intimate and personal for you to encroach on, and the medicine has you falling asleep in your seat anyways. Jongho seems to pick up on that, reaching over to pat your leg.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rest while you can.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A hum comes as your reply as you slump to the side, head hitting the side of the car with a loud thud. Jongho exhales a quiet laugh and pulls you over to rest against his shoulder instead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“’m sorry for snapping at you,” you murmur. You’re forcing your eyes to stay open long enough to get the apology out but it’s growing more difficult by the second. “I didn’t mean to, I was afraid… of her slipping out of my grasp but… that’s no excuse.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your fluttering eyes snap wide open when something presses down hard on your nose. You blink uselessly at Jongho and the finger he hovers over your face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop talking nonsense, yeah? Rest. I’m not going anywhere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, no, I’m not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise I’m staying right here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And we’ll get San back?” You mumble just before the drowsiness wins. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get your San back too, I promise.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: yall imma be honest this chapter feels like a whole fever dream and a half but i love it nonetheless she’s my Baby i hope you guys love her just as much and enjoy her &lt;3 lots happened but also not a lot happened? i feel like the wc is so dramatic for Not A Lot but yaknow that’s life ! next chapter we’re getting juicy and bringing a part 16 move back bc teehee that’s what i do best u know me anywho let me know what u think as always i love u all im so happy to bring u guys this chapter and so excited for the coming ones!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Act Five - Part Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>chapter specific warnings: blood, fighting, violence, weapons, choking (not the sexy kind sorry), self-inflicted injury, some psychological torture, graphic depictions of death, drowning but not really? someone being held underwater, implied suicide (but no graphic depiction)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Stepping onto the bridge with Wooyoung in tow is an experience to say the very least. Mostly because it is eerily quiet when you arrive, so startlingly empty that you pause the second you step into the room. Hongjoong sits still as a statue in his usual place even though he has truly no need to be in the captain’s chair since you aren’t going anywhere quite yet. The only movements he makes are to cross one leg over the other back and forth every few seconds like he can’t stay put for too long. Other than that, he makes no effort to acknowledge your presence at the edge of the bridge, which would be expected if not for the crucial nature of your mission. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The effects of Soojin’s little concoction are still weighing heavily on your muscles and bones, but you are at least able to keep your eyes open now. Jongho refuses to let go of your waist, and you might complain if you didn’t think you would crumble to a useless heap on the floor once he let you go. You don’t trust your muscles to cooperate that much.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see you’re bringing good news,” Hongjoong states as you draw closer to where he’s seated. One quick glance at the observation window tells you he’s carefully watching your every move, including the pair behind you that consists of Yeosang and Wooyoung. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aye, Captain,” Jongho says through a smile. Hongjoong finally shifts to look your way, eyes hesitating on your slumped form for a moment before moving to where Wooyoung stands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Glad to see you back on board, Wooyoung.” His tone won’t commit to showing how he truly feels, but there is a certain light in Hongjoong’s eyes that he cannot hide, and you find relief in his features as he looks over Wooyoung. It’s brief and temporary, but the obvious warmth that his countenance holds as he and Wooyoung make eye contact is enough to show you how heavily this has been weighing on the young captain as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Glad to be back, Captain,” Wooyoung answers in haste. You can hear the smile in his voice even if you cannot see it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Were there any issues with the mission?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, just… a small hiccup.” Jongho glances down at you, and the slight shift has Hongjoong redirecting his focus to you as well. You steel yourself for some sort of lecture, a backhanded comment about staying focused on the task at hand, or maybe even just a comment about you being a weak link. Hongjoong’s gaze never hardens though. Instead, he offers a small nod then —</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see. Be sure to check in with Yunho in that case.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something else nags at the edge of your thoughts then, mostly due to the absence of one certain person on the bridge at the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where is Jisung?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hands squeezing hard around your throat, shoving you under bloody waters.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Cold, cold, cold. Red in your vision, hands on your throat, and everything is cold.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In the brig. We — I decided it would be best to keep him there until the situation changes.” Hongjoong’s answer is spoken through a stiff and uncomfortable tone, and you expect that he was met with some resistance when it came to such a decision. But of course, that begs another question about the other person who is not on the bridge or by Hongjoong’s side like he typically would be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And Seonghwa?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Also in the brig.” Hongjoong presses his lips together, and he shifts to glare holes into the floor. The shift in his demeanor is slight but unsettling nonetheless, especially as he forces a tight grin onto his lips a second later. “Wooyoung, after you’ve settled and taken some time to recover, I’d like to chat. I won’t ask anything too invasive, but I need to know a little bit about the places you were held and where San and Mingi could possibly be. And Yeosang, a mission debriefing is needed as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can talk now, Captain. I’ve got some news that should be helpful anyway!” Wooyoung steps around you to talk more directly to Hongjoong, Yeosang lingering at his side the whole time, and you pull back to give them more space. “I’ll go see our dear doctor after we chat. He’ll talk my ear off anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you need to see Yunho?” Jongho asks, stepping back with you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I’ll be fine. Right now I… I think I just need to see Jisung,” you murmur. How are you going to stomach looking at him without thinking of his hands around your throat and trying to kill you?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure that’s wise?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If he’s in the brig being watched by Seonghwa, how much damage can he do?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho falls silent at that, mostly because your point holds strong, but he still stays by your side during the walk down there. And arguably yes it is your first time heading down to that part of the ship; the only times you’ve wandered in that vague direction are when you went to the cargo bay with Jongho. There is a different kind of tension in your muscles now though, one that feels much more like walking to your inevitable doom than anything else. That feeling intensifies with each step closer to the small hatch leading down to the brig, a ladder with metal rungs taking you to a place you aren’t sure you want to be. A quick glance over your shoulder shows you a minor portion of the brig, only enough to see three cells lined up on the left then a sharp corner that no doubt leads to more cells in a narrow hallway. Typical of a ship of this caliber. They aren’t built to house prisoners, and any slave trades made with such a vessel would only carry that precious cargo in the cargo hold. They would only need roughly twenty of these cells — five by five squares with just enough space for the average person to stand up comfortably but nothing more than that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yet when your feet hit the cold paneled floor and echo a hollow noise, your gaze falls upon Jisung and </span>
  <em>only</em>
  <span> Jisung. He is safely tucked away in the middle cell, walls of bars surrounding him and separating your body from his, but that’s hardly noticeable compared to Seonghwa’s absence near his cell. Hongjoong had claimed that Seonghwa was down here with Jisung, and the initial lack of his presence immediately sends your brain into danger mode. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did you do with Seonghwa?” You inquire without hesitation, leveling the man you used to admire so </span>
  <em>fucking much</em>
  <span> with a glare full of heat you didn’t even know you were capable of. Jisung laughs from the spot where he is curled up on the floor. He has his back pressed to the only solid wall in the cell, knees pulled up to his chest and elbows draped overtop them so that his hands hang loosely down in the space before him. The huff of air that passes through his lips almost sounds like a laugh. It does nothing to quell your nerves — if anything it makes your anxiety spike a bit higher, causing Jongho to lay a hand down on the small of your back in attempts to calm you some no doubt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t you be asking your dearest captain that?” Comes Jisung’s scathing reply, complete with a sneer and curled lip. The disdain in his tone isn’t hard to miss at all. His chin tilts. Eyes blaze with some fury. Then he presses his tongue against his bottom lip and forces the skin there to stretch under the pressure. “To think you escaped my cruel clutches just to fall into the filthy hands of a scourge who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. A beautiful irony, don’t you think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t give him the pleasure of hearing any response from you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, doll. You’ll be safe in my hands soon enough,” he says, tone almost bordering on teasing rather than being serious with the threat. “What’s it? Got one back, no? Not the one you care about though, am I right?” Jisung brings his head forward again, staring down the line of empty cells before him like he’s taunting something nonexistent there. “Poor, poor lieutenant. Denied by both the people he loves. How much bending can an Elitist take until he breaks? I’ve always wondered that… never did get to see Hyunwoo snap after all. Perhaps now I’ll get to witness it with my own two eyes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t speak on things you know nothing about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That stops you dead in your tracks, your whole body lurching as you are midway to stepping closer to Jisung’s cell. The words don’t come from your lips, nor do they come from Jongho’s, but the tiny voice in the back of your head tells you that no one snuck down behind you and Jongho. And that Jisung’s staring isn’t coincidental or meaningless at all. A cruel smile curls the corners of his mouth. He prods at one side with the tip of his tongue and releases a laugh that is more hollow than anything else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You force your legs into action and push yourself forward, although this time you don’t head for Jisung’s cell like you originally intended to do. Instead, you round the sharp corner leading to the remaining cells in the brig with bated breath and a growing sense of dread in your gut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As it turns out, that dread is not misplaced in the slightest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because the moment you stare down the row of metal cages perpendicular to Jisung’s own holding cell, your gaze falls on something heart-wrenching and horrid to see. And Jongho might be confused — a bit beyond merely confused, you’ll admit — but you? You recognize this to be the cruel picture your mind conjured up the day Hongjoong told you that you would be going on the rescue mission for Wooyoung.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know how much or what exactly you saw in Seonghwa’s memories. I do not need to know either. But something you need to know is that we have been back to Lynder exactly once since I met Seonghwa there. And that one single time, two years ago, we had to lock Seonghwa in the brig for six days straight to keep him from breaking out to kill his mother. Seonghwa tore cuts into his arms and shoulders so deep that Yunho had to come to stitch him every night until we finally chained him to a wall to get him to stop. When he finally gave up on trying to break out, I went in and took the cuffs off, only for Seonghwa to choke me hard enough to fracture my neck and leave bruises that lasted for several weeks.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s Seonghwa who sits far in the back of the brig, curled in on himself in the very last cell in the block with what feels like leagues stretching between you and where he is. Chains cuffing his wrists together and a shackle hanging so heavy on his neck that he can barely lift his head. You’ve never seen a man look so small and insignificant in your life; the knowledge and realization that it’s none other than </span>
  <em>Seonghwa </em>
  <span>under those chains burn so deep in your chest that you forget how to breathe properly until Jongho shatters the weighty silence by joining you in front of the row of cells. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>Lieutenant</em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The mission, Jongho. Did you recover him?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How dare Seonghwa look so gentle and confident even while being chained and held in the brig of his own ship?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I — yes, Lieutenant, we recovered him but — but you—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Seonghwa interjects. He gives a heavy nod that makes the iron hanging from his neck rattle. “Then there is no reason for you to be down here currently. I’m sure our captain would have much better use for you now than I do.” Seonghwa’s dark eyes remain fixated on you as he speaks, but you’re too far away to even try to discern the emotion concealed in them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jongho turns back to the ladder leading out of the cellblock. He doesn’t put up a fight or argue about the matter; merely looks the other way and follows the order like nothing is possibly wrong with the scene unfolding before him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You, on the other hand, hardly consider yourself the kind of person who gives in so easily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thus, against better judgment no doubt, you step around the wall of cells separating you and Seonghwa, then take the steely walk over to that far corner of the brig. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And against better judgment, with Hongjoong’s words of warning ringing in your ears of how dangerous Seonghwa was the last time he was in such a position, you get as close to the cell as humanly possible. You curl your fingers around the bars as you sink to your knees in front of him, eyes unable to find a comfortable resting place anywhere on his body and instead finding purchase on the sliver of the floor still exposed under his knees. He, like Jisung, has his back pressed to the cage, bars digging harshly into his typical billowing black coat. He can’t extend his legs all the way in the cell and is thus forced to keep his knees bent at an awkward angle that will surely hurt after some time has passed. Hands are held together by that short chain and stretched as far as possible over his knees. You would never go so far as to say Seonghwa could ever look pitiful, but this brings you pretty damn close.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do not wish for you to see me in this position, Y/N,” Seonghwa whispers without looking over at you. He maintains the same honed stare on Jisung, and now that you’re closer to him you can see that flames of anger that lick at his dark eyes. Despite his words, you can’t bring yourself to move. The weight of your bones suddenly feels heavier than ever and even if you wanted to get up and leave, you don’t think you could. “It was shameful enough to ask Hongjoong to put me here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You… you asked him to do this?” You inquire through a whisper of your own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t want to, of course, but—” Seonghwa cuts himself short and you watch his chest heave as he inhales sharply “—I’m ashamed to admit that I know how to get what I want from him. And thus… I made him put me here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa, I — you — </span>
  <em>why</em>
  <span>?” If only eloquence could be your strong suit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I cannot trust myself. I am not needed for these missions. I am a liability. Anything I do must be under careful watch and instruction, otherwise, I could risk the safety of the crew and the success of our missions.” Seonghwa swallows around nothing and drops his chin to his chest. His mop of black hair falls forward to cover his eyes. You hadn’t realized how long it had gotten in recent days as he pressed it back constantly, but now you can see how the ends caress his eyelashes and near the bottom of his temples. “I pose more of a threat than anything else in this state.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Says who?” You insist, pressing your face so far forward that your cheek squishes against the bars. Seonghwa seems startled by your sudden fervor. His eyes go wide and dart over to your face, but they linger for only a second before turning back to his lap. “Was it Jisung? Did he say something? Before he was locked up? Or maybe after? He’s — Seonghwa, you can’t believe anything he says. He wants to cause discord and issues in the crew, he wants trouble because he’s an </span>
  <em>enemy</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He has nothing to do with this, Y/N. Absolutely nothing.” The skin around his eyes crinkles as he squeezes his eyes shut, almost as though he’s in pain. “Please leave. I do not trust myself in this state, and if I hurt you on top of — on top of what I’ve already </span>
  <em>done</em>
  <span>, Y/N, please. I won’t forgive myself if I ever lay a harmful hand on you even in the slightest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did you do? No, what happened while we were gone?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The chains around Seonghwa’s wrist rattle so suddenly that it startles you, and his abrupt movements send you back from the cage in a rush without thinking twice. You merely acted out of self-preservation and instinct, and yet —</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yet the damage is already done.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your eyes dart up to look into Seonghwa’s. He looks more lost and confused than anything else, like a child who can’t find his way home. From the way his lip trembles to the wobble in his gaze and how his hands clench and unclench as though in an unknown ceremony of their own. The man seems — </span>
  <em>is</em>
  <span> harmless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>Go</em>
  <span>, Y/N, before I truly hurt you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time, you don’t fight him on the matter. You force your legs into action and push yourself up from the floor where you just unceremoniously sprawled in an effort to get away from Seonghwa’s cell. The walk away from him hurts something awful in your chest, like each step you take to get away from him causes a new piece of your heart to break off, but still, you walk until you reach the end of the hauntingly short hall. You can’t keep yourself from staring down that corridor to look at Seonghwa’s crumpled form one more time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In that moment that couldn’t have lasted more than half a second, you believed that Seonghwa would hurt you, and he believed the same. It only took that much time for the line of trust you thought could be unbreakable to shatter and give out under you. Was it not only recently that you told him you were willing to place your heart in his hands and trust him with it? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you content with yourself yet, Spectre?” Seonghwa’s voice rings clear in the room, echoing off the metal walls with more venom than before. You don’t think that venom is directed at anyone other than himself right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not even in the slightest, Lieutenant,” Jisung laughs in response. You don’t intend to make eye contact with him, but it happens nonetheless and once it does, you are transfixed on each of his movements. He drags his tongue over his lips before tucking it between his teeth and biting down hard on the tip. “I know plenty about making people break. And I can guarantee that by the time your dearest captain loses his will and decides to let you out, I will have broken you in ways you fear to even imagine. Let’s see how well you can play my game, Lieutenant of Death.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The urge to reach a hand between the bars and strangle Jisung where he sits is so overwhelming that you see red. Somehow you find it in you to turn away, using some shred of reason and logic because you know you need Jisung as much as you wish you didn’t — until San and Mingi are safely back on the ship, you cannot risk killing him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And to your surprise, Jongho is not waiting outside the hatch when you surface in the corridor again. It falls shut with a loud bang, trapping Jisung and Seonghwa both in their little prison once more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pressure around your head is mounting and becoming hard to ignore, even through the lingering effects of Soojin’s concoction. It seems the drowsiness wishes to win out, however, seeing as you pull yourself to your bedroom without much thought and more like it’s some form of muscle memory instead. Between all the things happening around you at the moment, it’s hard to pinpoint just one thing and focus on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>San is still missing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa locked himself in the brig. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Han Jisung is terrorizing you and your crew out of some odd desire to claim you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingi is still missing as well and at risk of being reprogrammed back into the Brute of Kebos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung, in the very least, is safely back but no doubt suffered new and awful traumas that he’ll have to deal with in the coming months. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong and Seonghwa fought for what feels like the hundredth time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You found Soojin in a brothel then promptly got confirmation that your memories were indeed wiped a second time without you knowing. Delightful, truly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All that swirling back to the mounting headache that pierces the left side of your head so hard you see little flashes in your vision. And despite the need to most likely think through things, weigh your options, try to do something other than just sitting around and waiting for someone else to plan, you merely curl up under your sheets in the darkness after wiping away your leftover black lipstick and changing into some more comfortable clothes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alone again. It’s odd how you went from being on your own almost constantly for three years to now being so dependent on having someone by your side. Maybe it was the knowledge that you had no one back then that kept you sane. Now, however, you know there are people around you, close to you, people you would almost dare to say you can rely on for safety and trust. An image of Jisung’s cruel smile flickers in your mind before you close your eyes to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trust got you nowhere before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Would it be foolish to make the same mistakes again?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>There’s a cold hand wrapped tight around your own, but even as you look down at it you can’t figure out who it belongs to. Another hand is folded over your eyes, blocking every ounce of your vision and leaving you shrouded in darkness. You have no idea where you are or where you are heading, and though your first instinct is to fight, you feel somewhat safe under the hand that holds yours. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Kan han ceso, Umiko. Nu an nadu. Un cu nu, Umiko, un nukon.” The words grate against your ears, a soft-spoken voice whispering the foreign language to you through the darkness, and you blink hard against the hand covering your eyes. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I-I don’t know what you’re saying,” you whisper back, only to be answered with more confusion and unknown words.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Nadu, nadu. Sosun hen.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The hand around your head slips away only to shove hard at your back. You don’t have time to turn to face your companion before a door is slammed shut on your back. You whip around to face the wall of metal, seeing nothing beyond the dark. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Wait! Don’t — don’t leave me here!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Kidehon u Nurun, Umiko.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Despite not knowing what any of the words mean, a chill rushes down your spine and leaves goosebumps all across your skin. Then a shrill scream tears you away from the door and back to the reality swirling together behind you. It’s moreso the contents of the scream that catch your attention because through the sudden swarm of yells and shouts, you catch one recognizable word.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yeosang!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It’s like a veil is torn away from your eyes and you can suddenly see the world around you with so much clarity and brightness it hurts. And the first thing your gaze lands on is the sight of Wooyoung being dragged by the waist back into what seems to be a spitting image of the House of Lilies. His captors are hooded figures, unimportant and insignificant compared to Wooyoung who flails around desperately in their arms to get out. And across from him, running and running but never once catching up because a massive crowd of people blocks his path, is none other than Yeosang. You push your way forward as well in attempts to reach the Elitist. Each step is harder than the last with the way faceless figures shove your shoulders and force you back until his blond head of hair is out of sight. You can’t see Wooyoung’s face any longer either; all you can hear are a few distant shouts and screams that are unintelligible by now. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You have no choice but to let the crowd guide you to an unknown destination, shifting to follow their hasty steps before you get trampled to the ground. They’re too tall for you to see past their shoulders, all shrouded in black coats and suits with masks covering their faces as well, and you are only left with confusion the more you try to get a closer look at them. That confusion lingers for a while, and as you walk, the shouts and yells around you morph into cheering. It’s deafening, growing louder with each second, but the hoards simply continue into what seems to be the source of the sounds.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Once you finally reach that destination, your heart drops through your stomach because it’s tall colosseum walls that rise up around you. They are painfully recognizable, and you can almost guess what you’re about to witness given what you just saw transpire with Wooyoung and Yeosang. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The confirmation, albeit unneeded, hurts worse than you thought. As the crowd ushers you into the arena, you stumble up familiar stairs and come to a halt at the railing looking over the heart of the colosseum. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Mingi stands at the center of it all, donned in leather and copper armor like a gladiator of olden times that have long since become mere myths for children’s stories. Red streaks down his cheeks and covers him in a bloody glow under the sun. You watch him as though in a daze. Each movement he makes is like a dance between the way he swings a longsword in one hand and an ax in the other. The beauty of Mingi’s swings dissipates into a cloud of panic and horror when his opponent comes into sight across from his tall form.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Jongho, Jongho, no!” You scream through the din ringing into your ears. A hand stretched down to the pit below in vain because there is no way for you to even attempt reaching them. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There’s a flash of red again, this time one that reaches across Mingi’s blade and spreads onto the sand below their feet. You clasp a hand over your mouth to silence the blood-curdling scream that tears through your lips. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s not real, Y/N, it’s not real,” you murmur to yourself, not daring to look back down even as the cheers continue to swell around you. “It’s just a dream, you need to wake up. It’s not real.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The most obvious clue that this is not real is the fact that you see Jongho — another Jongho — stepping out of the gates into the arena just seconds after Mingi cut him down. The body hasn’t even dissipated into thin air; it still sits at Mingi’s feet, a lifeless corpse that will continue to haunt you for god knows how long. The second Jongho comes forward to replace the last, standing completely still before Mingi like he’s nothing more than a training dummy for Mingi to kill over and over. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>That is exactly what you are forced to witness too because the tall figures surrounding you refuse to let you budge or turn. All you can do is squeeze your eyes shut each time Mingi lifts his arm. This hell is almost worst than the last. Seeing Yeosang and Wooyoung being torn apart burned deep in your chest but this?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Mingi killing the person who cares about him perhaps more than anyone else? Like it’s only a game or a sport to be played for entertainment?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>That leaves a different pain in your chest. One that cuts deep and tries to sever your heart from your body. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You lose count of the bodies down in the area, and counting them would only hurt more so it’s a foolish plight to even imagine right now. Your limit comes soon enough, however, and in a fit of desperation, you shove so hard at the figures behind you that they topple over like dominos. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The mantra of reminders of how this isn’t real still runs on repeat in your head, but even forcing your way out of the crowds grants you no reprieve. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You can still hear the cheering, the way the crowd shouts for more blood then delights in another kill. And now that you know it’s Jongho being cut down by none other than Mingi, it makes matters much worse. You don’t make it three steps out of the arena before you’re stumbling to the ground on your hands and knees. A dry heave wracks your form, forcing up nothing but air. The contents of your stomach are nonexistent in this hellscape yet your body continues to convulse until bile drips from your lips. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Please make it stop, make it stop, please, please, please,” you beg to the sand under your form. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Y/N?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Normally the voice would fill you with a sense of relief, but given what you’ve seen thus far, it only fills you with incredible dread. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You lift your chin to look Yunho in the eye nonetheless. He stands several feet away from you, unmoving and nearly statuesque with his pose. That peace lasts all of four seconds. He chokes out a cough. It sounds far too thick and wet for it to be merely a normal cough. Your fears turn to reality when blood coats his bottom lip after the next cough. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Y-Yunho, no, n-no, not you too, please.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Another cough and Yunho is on his knees like you are. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, Y/N. I… I wasn’t good enough to keep this from happening.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No, no, no, p-please, no, Yun—”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“This was the only thing I could get right.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your chin drops to your chest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’ll be okay, won’t you? Our little Ghost…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No more. Please, Daichi, if this is your doing, then end it! End it please, please stop this!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The response to your pleas is a hand clasping hard at the back of your neck. It shoves you to the ground with little effort until you are sprawled out on your stomach. You release a weak cry into the dirt, thrashing hard under the stranger’s grip. Another hand closes around your ankle. You aren’t given any time to prepare as it yanks you forward, dragging your body over the scratchy ground. You can feel your skin splitting under the impact yet as much as you twist to get out of it, the best you can do is flip onto your back and let the abuse continue there. Your new position allows you to at least see your attacker, a tall and lanky figure with sweeping black hair. You can barely see the outline of her face, but she looks strikingly familiar, like a person you’ve seen once in your dreams. It isn’t until you have been pulled all the way to a new destination that you realize exactly who she is.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Mother.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa stands in the center of this barely lit room you’ve been dragged into, gun in hand and shrouded in a black cloak. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>This is Seonghwa’s mother. Of course it is. This nightmare is not only yours but both Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s as well, the thing that has been so glaringly present for a while now. And in your inability to stop thinking about it, it has landed you here to live out this unending nightmare. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seonghwa lifts the gun to aim it at his mother’s skull. He doesn’t spare you even the slightest glance, so dead-set on this mission that nothing else exists in his mind. You don’t have time to react before the gun goes off and echoes through the room. You scramble back on shaky legs when the woman in front of you crumples to the ground. Scarlet ebbs from her skull in mere seconds. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You think that’s it — hope would be a better word actually. You wish for the nightmare to end here with Seonghwa killing his mother, but it gets worse as Seonghwa turns the gun to his own skull and places the barrel against his temple. Despite already knowing that nothing you do in this dream will make it stop, you rush forward practically like an animal to stop him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Something — or someone, rather — beats you to it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A force hits you so hard that you are sent sprawling to the floor again, landing somewhere near Seonghwa’s mother, and upon looking up to see your sudden attacker, you find Hongjoong standing before Seonghwa instead. He’s in the middle of trying to wrestle the gun from Seonghwa’s hand, aiming it high at the ceiling before Seonghwa can hurt himself. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Stop it, Seonghwa, I won’t let you do this!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Let me die, damn it, you were supposed to keep me from doing this!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>All you can do is watch as the fight unfolds before you with a growing sense of horror because you know where this is going to end. It will end the same way it has for everyone else in this nightmare. The thought of watching Seonghwa die and not being able to do anything to stop it is almost too much of a burden to bear.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If that was the worst scenario your mind could come up with, what actually happens minutes later is far far worse. You don’t see where it comes from but you don’t need to either; all you see is Seonghwa barreling into Hongjoong’s smaller form with all his strength until both are them are pressed to the nearest wall. The silence that overtakes the room is deafening. You don’t realize that there is anything wrong until you see hear the soft pitter-patter of blood dropping to the ground. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There’s a pointed metal spike sticking out of Seonghwa’s back, dripping blood from not only Seonghwa’s body but also Hongjoong’s. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, my beloved.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>In a cruel twist of fate, you see the metal joining their bodies together, watch the way their chests rise and fall in shaky patterns that show their diminishing strengths. Hongjoong’s chin is the first to fall, dipping down to his chest as his eyes fight to stay open. Seonghwa is crying — no, sobbing with all the effort he can muster and pressing his lips to the edge of Hongjoong’s hairline through muttered apologies.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You know your limits, and you know you are not nearly strong enough to witness them die like this, even if it’s together and at Seonghwa’s own hand.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thus, you push yourself up onto shaky legs and stumble out of the dark room as best you can with Seonghwa’s shaky cries ringing so loud in your ears that you fear you will never escape it for a second. There is a lingering sense of dread curling in your gut at the moment, however, because you have witnesses horrors happening to every single one of the crew except for one. And arguably, it is the one you fear the most, the one you wish to avoid the most, yet every attempt to force yourself awake before you can come across him fails miserably. The next room you stumble into is another familiar one, much like the distant memories you have of being strapped to a cold metal chair, but in this room, the chair is occupied by a man with jet black hair and a tuft of white at the front. You can’t manage more than a pained whimper as you step close to the chair.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Rounding the metal brings you face to face with him, although his eyes are shut as though he is asleep. For a fraction of a second, you think the worst has happened and throw your hands down on his chest to lean over San’s reclining body. He jolts at the contact, a sharp gasp tearing through his dry and cracked lips when he comes back to the land of the living.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“San, oh S-San, it’s okay, I’ve got you. I’ve got you, you’re safe, I promise,” you babble like a woman possessed. Your hands come up to cradle his face and brush a few long strands of hair away from his eyes. It takes too long for him to fully come to his senses, eyes blinking against the harsh light that filters down from the ceiling, and you wait with bated breath for him to say something as he registers your face. “Hi.” You’re too lost in the moment to remember this is a nightmare, too enamored with the mere sight of San’s face. When the reverie is torn away from you, it hurts worse than you could ever have imagined it would. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“H-How do you know my name? Who are you?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your chest tightens to the point where it hurts to breathe.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“It’s Y/N, San, don’t you remember me?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know who you are,” he whispers back, pulling his face away from your hands as best he can in his current position. You withdraw your hands as though burned and fall back onto your ass so hard you bounce a little. It should hurt, but the pain in your chest outweighs that by far. San sits up and slings a leg over the side of the chair, the other following shortly after. He steps down off the metal to come closer to you. His head is tilted in question, and his eyes search your face like he’s attempting to recognize you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You hardly realize what’s happening before he’s bending over you and latching his hands around your neck. When he shoves you down to the ground, you aren’t met with the cold floor but rather a splash of water. It’s murky and an almost copper shade, like someone has doused you in blood and water. San’s grip on your neck tightens until you’re forced to choke up a few air bubbles.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Did you think you were someone worthy of remembering?” San speaks to you through the water, voice coming to your ears in a muted tone. His features fall into a blur, and he squeezes at your skin so hard you see spots dance across your vision. You cry out in the water even though you know it won’t do you any good. “Did you think you earned that right? What use are you to me? Someone who couldn’t even do the bare minimum and protect me when I needed it… useless.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>San huffs out a loud laugh that echoes around you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You are completely and utterly useless to me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sleep might have come easy to you but it does not claim you for long. Rarely are you ever awoken by nightmares; your body tends to just continue on with sleeping until the morning, but tonight is one of those oddities where the nightmares wake you up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. With the end of dream San’s cruel monologue, you startle awake, gasping for breath like you had been holding it the entire time you were asleep. A quick glance at the clock on your bedside table shows that it’s nearing one o’clock in the morning, so you were hardly asleep more than four hours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You almost wish that Jongho stayed by your side through the night, if only to provide the comfort you want so desperately from someone who isn’t here. It wasn’t even an offer he posed or one that you asked for, but you find yourself wondering if it would have been better to seek out that comfort. And maybe it’s selfish of you to crave that peace that Jongho claims to have brought him for so long, but the appeal of not waking up alone is too tempting. Being able to have that with Seonghwa — the ability to go to bed at night and wake up in the morning with the knowledge that someone was there if anything went wrong — is something you took for granted. On nights like these, it’s all you could ever ask for. And while you and Seonghwa made the mutual decision to sever the more intimates parts of your relationship, it’s become glaringly obvious to you that you don’t have anyone to rely on for physical comfort anymore, even just the smallest action of holding a hand or sleeping beside you. </span>
  <em>Did you dream of him?</em>
  <span> Jongho might ask, hand outstretched to offer some sort of relief from the anxiety tugging at your heart. Either that or to try to take it away as best he can.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yes, and it was wretchedly awful and horrible,</em>
  <span> you think. Something wet slips down the side of your temples before you can stop it. </span>
  <em>I feel I might lose my mind if I cannot bring him back safely soon.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why, why, </span>
  <em>why</em>
  <span> did this happen?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Surely you’ve been through worse in the past, but this feels so much more potent than those times, either because those memories are tucked away or because you’ve never felt this strongly about needing to protect someone before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You roll onto your side and let the stray tears slide across the bridge of your nose now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Staring at the bed does absolutely nothing (even though you knew it wouldn’t); neither does reaching out to put a hand over the cold sheets there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>These days you keep finding your mind slipping back to the memories of Echidna. They’ve become so much more vivid since the entire kidnapping situation, yet oddly enough you cannot bring yourself to recall the actual torture you and San suffered together at the hands of Cara. Rather, you keep coming back to a monotone hotel room with a creaky bed and fluffed pillows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I won’t leave this time,” you mutter. You can feel heat radiating from San’s cheeks even though you can’t see the flush to his skin.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’ll hold you all night to make sure you don’t,” San whispers back. Hot breath fans over your lips. You aren’t sure what comes over you but you lift the hand resting against San’s chest to trace over the outline of his lips with two fingers. He smiles into the touch.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It brings a startling realization to your bones when you find yourself reaching out to the nothingness before you like he will be there because </span>
  <em>how could he be gone, why is he gone, he isn’t supposed to be gone</em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m scared to let you in,” you admit, bring your gaze back up to San’s eyes. He’s looking back at you with a gentleness in his eyes that catches you off-guard.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You don’t have to let me in yet. Just try to trust me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Okay… okay. I can do that.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Then that’s more than enough.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You should have never let go of the hand he outstretched towards you. It’s a hefty realization, one that weighs down on your body so much you struggle to breathe because you would do anything to have him back. And perhaps you didn’t appreciate him enough while you had him, perhaps you took that time where he was </span>
  <em>safe</em>
  <span> for granted and didn’t think it could happen again. Because even though you had told Yunho back around the time of the incident that you would never be able to look at him without worrying something bad would happen once more, you let your guard down and believed him to be entirely safe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A huff of air passes through your lips, then you sit up in bed to throw your legs over the side of the mattress. Your gaze lingers on the bedside table for a moment, only to recall what’s been hidden inside there since you returned from Echidna. You haven’t forgotten about the pardon papers per se; your mind has understandably been elsewhere and things took a turn during that mission with San. Before then you were so dead set on leaving without a word. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t Hongjoong who convinced you to stay back then even though you left you with several pretty threats and propositions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t Seonghwa with his comforting words and touches that burned your skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nor was it any other member of the crew outside of San. It was always Choi San, the Spectre with a cat-like grin and pretty eyes, and he wormed his way into your heart with such little effort that it still scares you quite a bit. If you had absolute certainty that what you remember from your time in the military was true and real, you might say that the only time you felt this way towards another person was with Jisung, but you doubt that now with recent revelations.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How much easier would life be if you could simply roll back into bed and find San there waiting at your side, all warm smiles and gentle gazes as he urges you to sleep once more?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately for you, life is far from easy and that is not an option, so you do the only other logical thing that comes to mind and that is to stand up and leave your bedroom without looking back at that cursed bedside table. If you can’t have San or anyone else to calm you down at the moment, perhaps a short walk around the ship will do you some good. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It is that very thought that lands you on the bridge and in front of the observation window. Despite the late hour, some workers are milling about in the hangar bay Hongjoong has landed you all in, doing their duties without cease. Some are cleaning and sweeping at the floor even though it looks spotless to you, others are polishing other ships in the bay, and you’re sure that if you could see near the bottom of </span>
  <em>The Horizon</em>
  <span>, you would find them doing the same there. There are a few others who don’t quite look like the workers do — perhaps people from the other ships — who sit on boxes and offer each other seemingly menial chatter based on the way their gestures remain casual. They seem so calm and at peace compared to what you have been experiencing with this crew where trouble seems to be around every corner and you can’t get a breath of peace for more than a day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Briefly, you picture yourself in their shoes one day. It’s something you can only wonder about because you aren’t sure whether that’s even a possibility for you, but the image of sitting on one of those boxes with Jongho sitting on one side and Wooyoung on the other floats to mind. And maybe Yeosang would be wedged between Wooyoung’s legs with hands held tightly together like even a breath of air could separate them. You imagine Mingi would be lingering near Jongho rather than anywhere else, draped over the other Berserker and pressed as close to him as possible because it grounds him and keeps him in one piece for the time being. Yunho would probably be doing something like reading a medical article or book and muttering to himself about the contents of the writing, nearby but never too far from the rest of you. In that daydream, Hongjoong and Seonghwa would come around the corner of the ship side by side, and the captain would have a hand pressed to the small of his lieutenant’s back because he can’t bear to be any further than that. Then San — darling San — would rush around them with a smile on his lips and dimples flashing to barrel straight into your chest with a resounding laugh. You dare to let yourself imagine the peace and serenity of the scene, dare to picture San pressing his forehead to yours as he exhales a laugh over your lips, but every image your mind conjures up hurts worse than the last. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You may want that desperately, but it’s not something you can achieve.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The daydream ends with hands around your neck and bloody waters clouding your vision. And thus, you startle yourself back to reality and tear your gaze away from the hangar bay below as not to let the images come back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The peace you wish for is not one you can ever hold in the palm of your hand the way you wish. The crew cannot have it either so long as you are present in their lives. The next sound to tear through your consciousness nearly makes you believe that they wouldn’t be able to have that peace even if you weren’t around to mess it up. There’s a resounding shout of frustration followed by something loud thumping against the wall off to your left and behind you a bit. You whip around to stare at the door to Hongjoong’s quarters, the source of the sound, and wait with bated breath for something else to happen. You aren’t sure what exactly you’re waiting for — perhaps for the captain to step out in a huff of anger or something like that — but nothing happens for the next thirty seconds, which is what causes you to pull closer to the door. It’s hardly your place to eavesdrop on whatever is happening inside, although that doesn’t stop you from doing so anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have had to put him in that fucking brig in the first place!” That clearly comes from Hongjoong; you can tell just from his voice, but he must not be alone in there as it sounds like his rant is directed at someone. “This isn’t the same situation as last time! He knows that the mission is our priority, that the goal is to get San and Mingi back, he wouldn’t let himself lose sight of that. The Seonghwa I know wouldn’t do that!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then you shouldn’t have listened to him when he asked you to put him in there, Hongjoong! You were the one who bent over backward for him yet </span>
  <em>again</em>
  <span>.” It’s Yunho’s voice that rises through the door next, and that is equal parts shocking and unsurprising because you aren’t sure who else would possibly be in there with Hongjoong at this hour. “Your only two options are to either leave Seonghwa where he is or let him out to do as he wishes. If he chooses to go out there and kill his mother, then so be it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what he </span>
  <em>wants</em>
  <span>, Yunho,” Hongjoong refutes without missing a beat. “And it’s not what I want either — I don’t care for either of those options. I want to let Seonghwa out and have that be that, nor for him to go off and murder someone! He hardly wants to kill her, it’s just what he thinks he ought to do as an Elitist but — you… you wouldn’t understand it, Yunho. You wouldn’t understand what goes through Seonghwa’s head or what he wants.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next sound to fall from Yunho’s lips is a scoff, and you can almost picture the way his eyes roll with the noise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t pretend like you understand what all Seonghwa wants either, Hongjoong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s another clatter and something smacks into the wall again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying my fucking best! I am trying my best to know what he wants right now. All I know for certain is what he is afraid of, and I know that he fears turning into the kind of person his father was and he fears losing himself. This would—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t know whether this would make that happen, Hongjoong, that’s the point I’m trying to make here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you encouraging murder all of a sudden? When have you gone a minute without chastising me for taking an innocent’s life?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And when have you ever hesitated to let your precious Lieutenant of Death kill someone? How many people have you killed yourself? How many have you asked Seonghwa to kill? How many innocents have bled under your hands, Hongjoong?” Yunho fires back, seeming to grow louder with each question he poses. “Is his mother innocent of all crimes? Does she not deserve to die? Because Seonghwa sure talks about her like she deserves a fate worse than death!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And if she deserves death then I will bring it upon her myself!” Hongjoong accentuates his words by slapping his hands down on his desk, letting the sound echo after he speaks, and Yunho doesn’t respond for a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How angry would Seonghwa be if he found out then?” Yunho inquires, tone so low you can barely pick up on the words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He wouldn’t </span>
  <em>need</em>
  <span> to, Yunho. He wouldn’t need to find out. He could just hear that she passed away in her sleep a long time ago because of age or illness.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re so ready to base your relationship with him on lies when doing so was what caused things to go to shit between you in the first place. I can’t </span>
  <em>fix </em>
  <span>you a second time, Hongjoong. I can’t do shit if </span>
  <em>you </em>
  <span>are the one making things intentionally worse. You need to sit your ass down in that fucking brig like a god damn man would and take responsibility for your mistakes. Then you need to ask Seonghwa what he wants and hear it from his own damn mouth rather than assuming what Seonghwa wants and hoping for the best. Fucking listen to him and trust him for once instead of making every decision in his life for him. Why do you think he ran off to Y/N in the first place?” That causes your breath to hitch in your throat, and you seize up as though both men inside know you’re standing outside the door as they speak. “He at least got to choose her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He chose to join my crew, he asked to join my crew, he chose a fuckton of things in his life, Yunho! You want me to be a man? I am his </span>
  <em>captain</em>
  <span>. Is that not enough for you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not, Hongjoong. You being captain doesn’t mean shit to me unless you have the balls to back it up, and from where I’m standing, you aren’t going to step up anytime soon. There are only two people on this ship who can put you in your place. That includes both me and Seonghwa, but Seonghwa stopped doing it a long time ago because you changed the dynamic of the relationship without stopping to ask him how he felt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you trying to act like you’re in control now?” Hongjoong counters, but his voice has lost a bit of the edge in it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Act?” Yunho releases a tiny hum. You can almost feel the way the mood inside the room shifts despite not being inside yourself. “Now you’re just trying to rile me up so you get what you want and I forget about this conversation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That would only be the case if it works, Yunho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pull back from the door, having a slight sense of where this conversation is headed and realizing that you probably shouldn’t stay any longer. As you move to exit the bridge, however, you can’t help but wonder how much of what Yunho said is accurate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Would — could Seonghwa really want to kill his mother? Maybe for a sense of closure and peace? To put that part of his life behind him for good perhaps?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Hongjoong truly were to kill the woman behind Seonghwa’s back, then you don’t doubt that Seonghwa would be enraged, to put it mildly. Everything you have seen from him thus far since meeting him has shown you that he prefers to do things himself than to rely on others to do it for him. Yet… even if his mother passed of natural causes, you are not sure that Seonghwa could have his closure unless he saw her body with his own two eyes. So maybe that is why his inner voice is as desperate as it is for him to kill her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You cannot speak for Seonghwa himself, but you do know a fraction about such closure. Not seeing Hyunwoo’s body after the execution and having to dig an empty grave was one of the most painful experiences of your life, even if you cannot remember much of it or if it was completely fabricated, the pain you were left with from said memory is still sore to the touch. You would have given anything to have his body to bury but instead, you were left with absolutely nothing, not even something small and of value to him in life. You were denied closure then. It causes you to think back to those pardon papers again. If you had been granted that closure, would you have even sought the pardon papers in the first place? Would you have gone off and settled down somewhere no one could find you?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa has mentioned craving peace before. You know you will never have yours because of your lack of closure, so perhaps if he were to achieve his, then things would end better for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That thought stops you dead in your tracks, midway down the corridor leading away from the bridge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Although… Seonghwa mentioned begging to be put in the brig. If he truly wanted this, then why the hell would he ask for such a thing?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Please leave. I do not trust myself in this state, and if I hurt you on top of — on top of what I’ve already done, Y/N, please. I won’t forgive myself if I ever lay a harmful hand on you even in the slightest.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You make a spur of the moment decision right then and there, spinning on your heel in the middle of the corridor and inhaling sharply as you head back to the bridge with a new thought in mind. You wish to hear from Hongjoong himself what transpired before Seonghwa was put in the brig and the reasoning as to why Hongjoong agreed to such a thing. Sure, now might not be the opportune time for such a discussion, but you have already made up your mind and it’s unlikely you would be able to sleep with this plaguing your thoughts anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Less than a minute passes before you are back at Hongjoong’s door, this time rapping your knuckles as hard and loud as you can on the metal. You hear nothing more of a conversation inside — neither his nor Yunho’s voices filter through the door until after your knocking ceases. Then a bit of shuffling resounds followed by some mutterings that vaguely sound like complaints of some sort. That could not have prepared you in the slightest for the sight that greets you when the door finally slides open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>First of all, it is not Hongjoong who stands before you, but rather Yunho.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And not only that little shocking tidbit because Yunho is very much standing half-naked with pants hung low around his hips and absolutely no shame or insecurity in the way he leans against the doorframe to greet you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The inherent shock from the sight causes you to sputter and choke on air, gaze darting off to the side and away from the healer as quick as humanly possible. You truly do your best to ignore the very obvious trail of bruises along the column of his neck and collarbone, along with the ones traveling lower.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? Looking to join us, Y/N?” He asks. An amused grin paints his lips, you can see that much out the corner of your eye. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Abs-Absolutely not, Yunho, are you mad?” You refute through a stutter and dare to focus back on his face (and his face </span>
  <em>only</em>
  <span>). Yunho arches an eyebrow, not at all shy in the way he drags his gaze over your body from head to toe. You ignore him with a scoff then ready to duck around his stupidly tall form. He seems to catch that before you can though because he darts a hand out across the doorway and effectively blocks your path inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You certain about that? You seem a bit eager to come in.” Your only reply is a pointed glare. Thankfully, Yunho picks up on the hint in that look after a second and shifts his tone. “Is it an emergency?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to ask Hongjoong something, it’s important. About Seonghwa.” You see movement just past Yunho’s shoulder and glance beyond him. Hongjoong stands back at the other edge of the room in the doorframe to what must be his bedroom. You nearly don’t recognize him right them because of how… incredibly </span>
  <em>fragile</em>
  <span> he appears to be. A blanket wraps around his shoulders and torso, dwarfing his already small figure and making him almost come across as something delicate. If someone asked you to point out the horrifying and menacing pirate captain in the room, you would glance over Hongjoong without a thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I take it you’ve been down to the brig then?” Hongjoong pipes up. His voice bounces off the walls to reach your ears, confident and knowing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong ducks his chin to his chest, and the way his breathing shakes his form almost makes him seem like he’s laughing at your response. Then he comes closer to join you and Yunho where you stand. You hardly miss the way one of the captain’s hands darts out to touch Yunho’s bare waist before he brushes a soft kiss over the back of Yunho’s shoulder. It’s a rare — no, more than simply rare, it’s frankly a sight you have never seen from Hongjoong before in that you have never witnessed him be so openly intimate with anyone in the crew in such a way. Perhaps the closest he has gotten was when you were left in the medbay with him and Seonghwa, but even that was not as… openly blatant as the way he touches Yunho before you now. Yet it does not seem to be meant to tease you in any way; you moreso get the sense that it’s almost a threat in a way. After all, you are still the newest on the crew and you aren’t sure you have fully gained Hongjoong’s trust. If this is a challenge, you aren’t sure how it is meant to test you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go back to the bedroom. I’ll be there shortly,” Hongjoong murmurs against Yunho’s slightly flushed skin. The healer steps away with nothing more than a nod. Hongjoong waits until the taller man disappears into that room he just emerged from before turning back to face you. He still seems smaller in your eyes like this even though he is closer; the two of you are more evenly matched when he’s not wearing his typical heeled boots. The blanket around his body strains as he pulls it tighter. He, like Yunho, is very clearly not wearing much in the way of clothes underneath, but at least he covered himself mildly even if you can see a deep v exposing his chest through the folds of the fabric. It is enough for you to see numerous bumps and ridges along that strip of skin, all discolored and mismatched lines that mar an otherwise perfect canvas of tanned skin. Even if expected, it’s an alarming amount of scars for such a small expanse of skin. And if you look past the points where scars are, you can make out the barest hint of black ink accompanying the marks — it spreads over him like a constellation, connected by lines and threads of varying thickness to meet each other in other corners. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You tear your gaze away with great effort, clearing your throat as you blink up to look the captain in the eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa mentioned that something happened while we were gone on the mission. He asked me to leave before I had the chance to ask further about it but…” Your voice dies in your throat then, and nerves suddenly curl in your stomach. When you speak again, it’s in nothing more than a whisper. “What happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong hums.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s the only sound he makes for quite a while too, and you think he has no intention of continuing the conversation until he shifts his blanket all of a sudden and exposes the lower half of his body. Just as before with Yunho, you are swift to look in the opposite direction before you spot anything you do not wish to see.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s hardly appropriate, </span>
  <em>Captain</em>
  <span>,” you grit out, finding a newfound interest in the wall to your left. Hongjoong exhales a laugh that’s so soft it sounds more like a sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seonghwa stabbed me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now that has your head jerking back to examine him, and thankfully, your eyes settle on pants around his hips rather than nothing at all. One of his hands slips down to tap what looks to be a bandage. He peels it back as gently as possible and reveals a narrow yet long slice along his abdomen, almost parallel to his side. All in all, it doesn’t appear to be too gruesome or gnarly, no doubt held together by liquid stitches of some sort. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We had a small argument after putting Han in the brig,” Hongjoong continues. As usual, his tone is near impossible to read with no clues as to what he is feeling as he recalls the memory. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did it involve discussions of Seonghwa’s mother?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes, of course, it did.” Hongjoong returns the bandage to its original placement then tugs the blanket back around his body. He brings a hand up to run through his mess of fading blue hair. “It didn’t start that way though. He accused me of caring more about him appearing to be an Elitist than anything else. Threatened to tell Jisung that he is a Siren along with the rest of the crew. I doubt Jisung even cares about Sirens in the slightest given the way he is hyperfocused on you instead, but Seonghwa has always been so adamant about being wanted by others because of what he is. And I know that we were both acting rashly and out of fear rather than reason, but it doesn’t — that does not excuse what we said to each other. I told Seonghwa that perhaps he might feel better killing me rather than his mother, and that obviously did not go over very well. That’s when he stabbed me, well, it was more a glancing blow than a stab. Hardly even deep enough to cause significant damage, but Seonghwa damn near acted as though I was fucking bleeding to death though. He called for Yunho to get me patched up them begged that I put him in the brig. As much as I wanted to deny him that, I complied.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can talk to him,” you offer without a second thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Talk to him? What is it you think to do, Y/N?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was denied my closure, Captain, and that has haunted me every day for the past several years. You… you are a person who achieved that already; I don’t need to know the details of your backstory to understand that because it is more than clear in the way you handle yourself and matters around you. But Seonghwa? He hasn’t gotten his closure either. At least allow me to talk with him and see if this is what he truly wants before you rule anything out.” Hongjoong regards you with nothing more than a lingering stare for a bit. You take it as a cue to excuse yourself and leave, yet the second you turn to do so, he catches hold of your wrist and pulls you back to be face to face with him. The jerk of his arm sends you propelling forward more than you expect because it tugs you close enough to nearly smack foreheads with the captain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am willing to trust you with this and with Seonghwa, at least for now. Take care to remember that, especially when it comes to Seonghwa’s heart. For if you mislead him in the slightest, there will be hell to pay.” Your subconsciousness has you straightening your back at those words, reading the thinly veiled threat with ease. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t do anything to influence his decisions. They should all be his own anyway, so I won’t try to change that for him. You have my word. Besides, you no doubt plan to talk with him again soon, right?” Hongjoong’s gaze falls into a pointed glare at that comment, and you catch yourself a little too late. “At least, I’m sure he would appreciate that either way.” That soothes the captain enough for him to release his grip on your arm, and he lets you step away from the door after that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I pray for both our sakes that his mind is kind enough to have a reasonable discussion with you. But… don’t — don’t get too close just in case the worst happens.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Understood, Captain,” you whisper back. The warning is a bit haunting albeit necessary; it’s moreso unfortunate that Hongjoong has to even usher the warning in the first place because the Seonghwa you know would never willingly harm someone he cares about. </span>
  <em>Especially not Hongjoong</em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As you walk away from Hongjoong’s quarters and off the bridge for a second time tonight, you have to remind yourself that it is still Seonghwa down there. He isn’t a different person, he’s not some monster even if there is a bit of fear curling through your gut as you walk down to the brig. He remains the same Seonghwa that you know and care about so much. Perhaps you have just been blessed enough to only witness the pretty sides to his character in the time you’ve known him. Thinking all the way back to the way you met — how you knocked him out cold in front of an airlock — he was not cruel or heartless then either. In fact, every ounce of evidence up until recently made you wonder how such a compassionate soul could possibly be such a deadly and fearsome pirate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Perhaps it’s time for me to go home and face my demons after all,” Seonghwa whispers, letting his smile stretch a bit wider. It falls away a second later, and something dark takes over, something you decide you don’t want to see cross Seonghwa’s features again. Because in that moment, you see something sinister and cruel, and all the legends you heard about the man come to life before you. The stories of a man in a black cloak bearing a silver scythe in one hand with a gun in the other, the fearless killer who stands beside the Scourge of the Black Sea rearing death in his wake. When Seonghwa turns on his heel and leaves the room, you see it. The dark shadows billowing behind him curl outwards and sweep across the floor, crude shapes built by the light in the hallway, and that cloak of darkness sits on Seonghwa’s shoulders. It’s like the Lieutenant of Death has crawled his way out of the dark abyss of hell that Seonghwa kept him buried in, and the face he rears horrifies you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That thought keeps you occupied the whole way down to the brig, and it continues when you climb down the ladder with hesitant steps. As before, Jisung is the first thing you see when you reach the bottom, although this time he is curled on his side and facing the wall. He must be asleep given his position, yet you’re hesitant to write him off as so without knowing for certain. You don’t dare stop to find out, however, and instead just move past his cell as quietly as you can. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You find Seonghwa still sitting upright in his own tiny prison. He has shifted to put his back to Jisung now though, and his head hangs at an angle that is uncomfortable to look at. Whether he was already awake or merely sensed your presence, you have no way of knowing. Nonetheless, he shifts to glance back at you when you approach, chains jingling and rattling in the silence of the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I asked you not to return,” he murmurs once you are close enough to hear him. You don’t kneel before his cell in the same way you did last time. There’s a bit more distance between you and the bars now, enough to be just out of harm’s way but near enough for you to reach out if you so desired. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I’m no good at following orders,” you reply with a melancholy smile. Seonghwa’s gaze softens a bit at that. He tilts his head back to rest on the bars, still staring at you out the corner of his eye. He seems exhausted beyond belief — muscles lax and with no strength to them, eyelids drooping every time he blinks, breath huffing out in deep sighs rather than even exhales. Despite that, you don’t get the sense he wants to rest at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why aren’t you resting? I’m sure you’re tired from the mission.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I rested enough earlier.” </span>
  <em>But couldn’t stay asleep because of the nightmares. Nightmares in which you killed both yourself and Hongjoong. Ones where San took the serum and forgot me. </em>
  <span>“I’m okay.” That seems to be more for your own ears than for Seonghwa’s. He hums a bit anyway, acknowledging your words as his eyelids flutter some. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to come keep me company, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t just see you because I want to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y/N…” Seonghwa faces forward before finishing the thought. Something seems to overcome him, if the sudden spike of distress that rolls off his shoulders is any indication at least, and he curls in on himself some more. Your first instinct is to move closer to him and offer some sort of physical comfort, but Seonghwa only pushes further into the corner of his cell when you move. “Don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I trust you, Seonghwa,” you utter back. You heed his words though and stop dead in your tracks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That would be your first mistake.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Seonghwa’s counterattack sounds nearly incredulous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would it be a mistake to trust you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are at a greater risk than Hongjoong, yet I still hurt him. Just like last time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How am I at a greater risk, Seonghwa?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t — I fear… I fear my mind mistaking you for someone who should die simply because you are a woman.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah…” you exhale. The implication is there: he’s afraid of mistaking you for his mother in the craze that his head is putting him through. You hadn’t even thought that to be a risk before honestly. From the memories you saw of her, you don’t think you look anything like said woman, but you also have no idea of what Seonghwa’s demons are capable of convincing him to believe. If they’re strong enough to make him harm Hongjoong, then no doubt they would be capable of that too. Seonghwa reaches down to rub at the skin around his ankles, where the flesh has already turned red and bruised from repeated abuse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t stay here, Y/N. I’ll lose my mind. I almost wish that fool behind me would do more to antagonize me, but it’s my own head that refuses to let me come up for air.” The chains rattle once more as he reaches up to massage his hairline. The thin black strands of hair cling to his skin like he’s sweating buckets, and under the little bit of light in the brig, you can see a sheen of sweat on his body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room is deathly cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong mentioned… he said you believe he is forcing you to masquerade as an Elitist.” The words are spoken quiet enough to where you don’t think Jisung could pick up on them even if he were awake. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t. That’s the thing — I don’t believe that. I know he’s not. I don’t know what came over me when I said such a thing. It isn’t his fault that I-I am like this, and he shouldn’t even have to b-blame himself for it. I’m the one who chose this and demanded the masquerade before he even knew my true identity.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You stop the thought in your throat, cutting off with a small grimace and sigh of air. Seonghwa jerks to look at you anyway. He waits and waits for you to finish the thought, and under his intense gaze, you have lost much of the confidence you had in saying such a thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“From what I saw of your memories, and what you told me of your childhood, you were not the one to decide that,” you say after some deliberation. “It was her.” Admittedly, part of you fears the reaction you might garner from Seonghwa in mentioning his mother directly, so you try to keep it as vague as possible. “You never asked to be kept a secret.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My worst crime then was being born,” Seonghwa murmurs more to himself than to you. “Now what is it? A son who wants nothing more than to kill the woman who brought him into this world? The more time goes on, the more I… I-I lose myself. I don’t know where my line of morality is, nor do I know how to adhere to it. Y/N, I’m—” Seonghwa falls silent, tongue caught between his teeth, and when he looks to you, there are tears shining in the corners of his eyes. “I’m so afraid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t think you have ever heard Seonghwa utter such words, at least not with the raw conviction he says them with or the wrecked pain that radiates off his body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you afraid of what might happen if you do kill her or what might happen if you don’t?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa doesn’t answer right away; instead, he hangs his head between his knees and you can only watch helplessly as the man’s shoulders tremble under an invisible weight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The right answer… what a good person would say is that I fear killing her. But I’m more terrified of what happens if I don’t. How much longer do I suffer if I don’t take this opportunity now? Can I justify risking your safety, Hongjoong’s safety, the crew’s safety for being a good person? I know the blood on my hands is already immeasurable, the infamous Lieutenant of Death shouldn’t fear one more life ended, and I don’t. I just can’t figure out if the Seonghwa who isn’t an Elitist believes that or if it’s the Seonghwa I’ve pretended to be most of my life. Maybe part of me fears how you all might view me if I do kill her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t say it wouldn’t change anything, but I don’t know if anyone would view you as a bad or evil person because of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa huffs out a weak laugh and pushes his hair back with the hand he’s not keeping clenching into a tight fist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think Hongjoong is convinced I’ll turn into some sort of monster.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He believes that you don’t want to do it,” you counter. “He thinks that your definition of losing yourself lies in killing your mother.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought it did too.” Hopeless. That’s the word you would use to describe Seonghwa’s current tone, and it burns you from the inside out to hear such desperation on his lips. “If I keep pulling away simply because I’m afraid to hurt any of you, then what right do I have to call myself a lieutenant? To work as Hongjoong’s right-hand? I-I should have some semblance of self-control rather than continuing to distance myself. I thought back then that my mind was crying for her blood bec-because it wanted me to go insane, but now it sounds more and more like a cry for help. When this is all said and done, when it’s time for me to rest, I don’t want to have lost any of you along the way. And I certainly don’t want to be the cause of it either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To you, that sounds like a decision. And so, you echo his words back to him with a resolute tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you tell Hongjoong that, he would take you there, Seonghwa.” You aren’t strong enough to push the full meaning into your words, but it lingers between you. He knows what you mean. “He’s adamant that the decision be yours, as am I. Even Yunho wants you to do what you think is the best course of action. And should you get there and not be able to carry it out, no one would force you to, and no one would do it for you unless you asked that of them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could never ask anyone to take that burden for me, Y/N.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then you have your answer.” You muster up the courage to slide closer to Seonghwa’s cage and slip a hand between the bars. You don’t push your luck and touch him quite yet, merely letting your hand rest on the bed of metal for Seonghwa to regard with a terrified stare. Although it’s slow progress, he inches his hand down to rest a little ways away from your own. “I promised Hongjoong that I would do nothing to influence your decision, and I plan to uphold that promise. I just… want you to know you are loved today just as you were yesterday, and you’ll be loved tomorrow as well. Whatever kind of that love is, it’s love nonetheless. These people — the family you have built and chosen yourself — will continue to love you even if you get a little lost along the way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you sound so certain of something before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s your turn to exhale a little laugh, although yours is merely one of faux amusement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wish you could see the way they look at you, Seonghwa. The respect they hold in their eyes when they see you, the admiration and love and affection — I don’t need to feel what they feel to know how much they care. It’s not a matter of thinking you are strong because they know you are. You don’t have to force yourself to show restraint or continue to be the thing your mother wanted you to be for them to know you are strong. You have already been with them through some of the toughest moments of their lives, you have been at Hongjoong’s side and you have led just as much as he has. I firmly believe that is not a bond that could be so easily severed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa’s fingers are so close to yours, so close to curling around your palm and holding you at last, taking that last step of the fickle little thing called trust. At this point, you are throwing yourself headfirst into it with reckless abandon. While there might be some hesitance hiding away in your bones, you would rather see Seonghwa take this step forward in trusting himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the next second, that precious thread of peace snaps and frays at the edges. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bravo, Y/N, bravo.” You withdraw your hand from Seonghwa’s cell with a start, lips pressing into a thin line as you turn to regard the man who spoke with a glare. Jisung smiles back at you. It’s all poison and menace. His chains ring to an inaudible song as he claps his hands together. “Oh, you must be so proud of yourself for that one, little lady. Absolutely riveting and… encouraging and… inadequate, don’t you think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you ever tire of hearing yourself speak?” You hiss back without answering the question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I do. Because every time I speak, I just dig my way under your skin a little more, and that? That amuses me to no end.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t humor him, Y/N,” Seonghwa mutters. His hands are now withdrawn to rest in his lap again and curled into tight balls as he stares down at the floor. “I’ve found he wears himself out if you ignore him.” You can hardly imagine being trapped here for more than five minutes with Jisung, but Seonghwa has been in here for hours. Unfortunately, you don’t hold the same resilience that Seonghwa does. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You push up to your feet and stalk towards Jisung’s cell with no clear intent in your mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It feeds right into what he said though, it’s proof that he has gotten under your skin and bothered you to some extent, yet you don’t stop even with that knowledge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you have what you want? Haven’t you wreaked enough havoc in your stay here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? And what is it I want exactly, Y/N? Let me hear it from your pretty lips instead of my own.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want me,” you spit back, leaning over the bars like it will intimidate the man behind them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And? Do I have what I want?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you fucking have me. I made the deal, I did what you wanted, can’t you quit now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Such foul language from my little lady’s mouth. A shame, truly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not yours to be clai—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Incorrect! You said it yourself: I have you. As far as I’m concerned that makes you mine. I really wanted us to find a nice peaceful place to settle down after all this, but you… you are so </span>
  <em>violent</em>
  <span>. Angry. I really would rather not be forced to deal with such behaviors, but if you continue to do so, then maybe we can try that method they’re using on the Spectre. What was it? Regression… therapy? I hear it’s quite effective in breaking someone’s spirit. Shall we try?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You know better than to fall into that trap again. It’s all for show; Jisung is merely saying and doing these things to bother you because he knows how best to do so. He hasn’t yet even proven that he has the balls to follow through with anything he’s threatened, but he also understands that he doesn’t need to. Whether he proves it or not, he wins merely by garnering a reaction from you. It was a tactic you learned about years ago, something they taught your unit before you engage in high-risk intelligence-gathering missions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t get to talk about San,” you fire back, right into the trap Jisung laid before you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“San, is it? He’s the one you worry about most, no?” The smile painted on Jisung’s lips nearly seems genuine. It probably would be if not for the gleam in his eyes. “You always got too attached too quickly. I suppose that hasn’t changed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisung sits up on his heels and traces a finger over the bars separating you. Whatever the reason in doing so is a mystery to you, but you stand transfixed by the gentle movements. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I bet you haven’t even told him how you feel. That’s the scary part, isn’t it? The part where they leave? Die? Or worse… forget everything about you? When the doctors go in to reset his brain, they won’t even think to keep those memories of you. If it makes you feel any better, I can take your memories of him away too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t even think about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The laugh that tears through Jisung’s lips echoes off the walls and bounces off your ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this so amusing to you?” Seonghwa is the one to pose the question, voiced raised a bit so it carries over to where you and Jisung are. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t even begun to have my fun yet. I do so adore seeing relationships crack under the slightest bit of pressure though. I suppose that’s one thing dearest Y/N and I have in common. I’m not sure she’s let you glimpse into the cruelest parts of her yet.” His smile drops with such haste that it causes you to visibly flinch. “I’ve seen them all, Lieutenant. Oh, the fun we’ll have once together again, doll~”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you, Han,” you spit through the curling fear in your gut. Your words have no effect and offer no respite, however; all it does is bring the smile back to Jisung’s lips and another laugh from his throat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should be grateful that Hyunwoo spared you from living with the weight of your worst crimes. I wanted to let you live with them but he said you would be too guilty and too much of a liability if we left you with them. He had to be the one to take the weight of those crimes after all. I wonder how many of those broken memories will still be intact when I go back into that pretty little brain of yours again. Since Hyunwoo won’t be around to keep me from playing this time, that is. Which ones should I release first, Y/N?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You saw our lovely whore in Lynder didn’t you? Don’t tell me she forgave you for what you did… perhaps we should start there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut the hell up, Han Jisung, if you want to keep your life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” Jisung presses forward and gets to his feet without batting an eye. You hadn’t realized how close you had gotten to his cell until he comes face to face with you behind the bars, so close that the heat from his body radiates onto your skin. “I would be careful, Y/N. I’ve spent years learning how best to toy with brains using the military’s serum. If you want to keep your sanity, then I suggest you play nice like the good little doll you are. You wouldn’t want to be left with any horribly traumatic memories, now would you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisung’s lips fall into a faux pout, and you take a hasty step back from the bars in disgust.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told you: I know plenty about making people break. All I have to do is tell you the smallest white lie for seeds of doubt to take root. I can make you believe that you killed thousands of people without even taking a single step into your head. Take that into account before you attempt to threaten me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re </span>
  <em>insane</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, but we… we’re merely two halves of a whole crazy, Y/N. You need me to survive because if you didn’t, you would have forgotten all about me a long time ago, wouldn’t you? Isn’t it funny how someone who doesn’t even have any true and real memories of her past clings to it so desperately?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, from where I’m standing, you aren’t doing shit to help us find the others, so I have no reason to uphold my end of the bargain,” you deflect, turning the conversation on its head to escape his pointless scrutiny of your reasoning. It works to your advantage perfectly because Jisung huffs air through his teeth and rolls his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re on Dorado, no? Your Berserker is in the Lower Echelon of Lynder near the Smokehouses. Large warehouse preparing for reprogramming no doubt. You won’t be able to get him out. Your best hope is to wait until after the reprogramming as my crew will take him back to our ship, then we can play tradesies and bring him back while you come with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Or you can go to that warehouse and tell them the deal is off and there’s been a change in plans.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You squat down beside Jisung’s cell, hand slipping over your waistband and dipping underneath it to pull the sheathed knife you keep there out. It glints under the low yellow lights above your head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Scourge was right in saying that it’s hard to threaten a man like you. But one thing fucks your plans up, Jisung. If I’m dead, then what do you get out of this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The playful gleam in Jisung’s eyes fades like a candle being snuffed out. His smirk falls, expression growing grave in mere seconds, and you crank up the heat a little further as you dance the knife over the inside of your wrist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it means ruining your plans, I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to ensure the safety of my crew. You should know that by now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t fucking changed in all these years.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that a yes?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You fucking wish, you harlot. Do you really think—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You cut him short by digging the knife harder into your skin, just enough to break through and cause a stream of red to slip out. He falls silent with a sharp inhale of air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope you agree before I run dry, Jisung. You want me to be a psychopath so badly? Let’s fucking play. Ten seconds until I cut again, and this time it’ll be vertical, so I sure hope you realize the stakes now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think your boy toy in the corner over there will sit still as you kill yourself to prove a point?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“From where I’m standing, it seems like neither of you is in any sort of position to stop me. Five seconds, Jisung.” A drop of scarlet falls from the tip of the knife to the floor. Jisung watches it splatter, eyes calculating and careful as it moves, then he blinks back up to look you in the eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell them to cancel the reprogramming and send your Berserker back to my ship.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not good enough,” you reply without missing a beat. The knife careens back towards your arm, and Jisung lunges forward in his cell as you shift, a desperate attempt to stop you from continuing the damage. He can’t fit a hand through the bars with the shackles around his wrists though, and he’s left to hiss out a complaint when the knife penetrates your skin again. It’s closer to your elbow this time, a deceptively shallow slice the runs parallel to the bone. Red blossoms over the line immediately. “You go in there, get them to cancel the reprogramming, then bring him out yourself to deliver him to this ship and this ship </span>
  <em>only</em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisung doesn’t respond right away, prompting you to lift the knife again in threat, and he snaps into action at that. Scarlet trails down the blade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine! You can even send some fucking lackeys with me to make sure I get the job done.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll save you the trouble of trying to fuck it up while out there; I will go with you, along with our Berserker Jongho just so you don’t forget what you’re supposed to do out there.” It’s hardly your place to make such decisions or plans in place of Hongjoong, but since he’s otherwise preoccupied at the moment and you have this chance before you right now, you are going to do the most with it. And if Hongjoong has any issue with that? You’re willing to take the consequences of your actions later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what will make you happy, then so be it. My intention has always been to help you recover your lost crewmates.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even though you were the one who kidnapped and sold them in the first place?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you think I would make things easy for you, Y/N? Come now… don’t let my kindness fool you. You haven’t even thought to ask about the other one — the Spectre, was it? Here I thought he mattered to you. You were oh so concerned when I spoke of him before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fucking getting there, Han. You’re in no position to be impatient,” you hiss out through gritted teeth. Jisung merely laughs at the fire in your tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m hardly impatient, doll. In fact, I have all the time in the world. However—” he hesitates to lift one of his shackled hands and points a finger directly up “—that Spectre has a countdown looming over his head, does he not? Countdown to the hard reset? I wonder what stage of regression therapy they’re at by now. Or maybe he’s already given in? My men told me that he was… so responsive whenever your name was mentioned. I wonder if he’ll beg like the mutt he is when it comes time for him to break.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That tips you over the edge you’ve been teetering on since entering the brig for a second time. You drop your knife to the ground, letting it clatter and fall away from where you’re squatted in front of Jisung, then you thrust your bleeding arm through the bars to close your fingers around his throat where the band of his collar can’t reach. The strain and pull on your skin burns and causes the wounds to split a bit further. It doesn’t stop you from squeezing Jisung’s neck until his face turns purple.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Run that by me again, Han Jisung, and see what happens.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s that slight insanity creeping back up your neck and into your mind — the same craze that overtook you when Taskmaster Cara stabbed San back on Echidna. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What? Is this not a fun game for you? You were enjoying it so much not too long ago. Do you not enjoy it not?” You taunt as you twist the blade in her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Y-You’re a fucking – fucking psychopath.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The smile returns to your lips. You pull the knife out of her leg with haste then move forward so that you can squat down in front of her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’ve heard that before too,” you mutter as you twirl the knife in your grasp. The smile coating your lips dissipates. “But only by the people who deserve their fates.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It terrified you then, made you fear who you were and what you could become. Now? Your mind fights the urge to kill Jisung as best it can, but it’s a losing battle, because no matter how hard you try, you cannot peel your hand away from his neck. It’s like a voice is playing on repeat in the back of your head, saying ‘</span>
  <em>kill kill kill’</em>
  <span> over without cease. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your ears ring with the blood thumping through your veins. If you squeeze just a little tighter then—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your hand pulls away from Jisung’s neck with such haste that you slam it hard against the bars as you’re trying to withdraw it from his cell. You scramble back from the cell full of a terror that can only be directed at yourself because you don’t know what came over you in that moment. The figure creeping up on your left doesn’t even register until he is in your space and squatting beside you. A hand overlays one of your trembling ones and pulls your arm out until your injured forearm is exposed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Reckless. What else should I expect from you?” It’s then that you finally decide to look up at the owner of the voice, finding none other than the captain standing over you like you’re nothing more than a petulant child who can’t learn a lesson. Still, his tone holds far more softness than anger, and you don’t get the sense that he’s truly enraged by your actions. “Go see Yunho and get these cleaned, hm? You’ll need to be in top condition if you’re heading out on yet another mission tomorrow. Though we’ll have to discuss your tendency to jump the gun on planning things without orders in the future as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah, so he’s been present for a while if he overheard that bit as well. Then he had every opportunity to stop you from harming yourself or making any propositions with Jisung the entire time. It’s almost touching in a way knowing that Hongjoong allowed you to have that moment of control — a moment to take matters into your own hands — even if he’s all but told you that there will be consequences for said moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You offer a hesitant nod in response, glancing over at Jisung one last time before Hongjoong helps you to your feet. You are about to step past the captain when he yanks you back by the elbow in a similar fashion to your earlier stand-off with him outside his quarters. He presses so close to you that you smell the distinct musk of a fresh shower on his skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yunho’s still upstairs so don’t bother dropping by his room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You don’t understand why he had to whisper that fact to you like it was a closely guarded secret, but you are not going to point that out either. Instead, you murmur a quiet thank you and turn to climb the ladder out of the brig. Just before you reach the top, you dare to cast one more glance down to Hongjoong. He has moved to assume your previous position in front of Jisung’s cell, squatted low enough to be eye level with the man, and he holds your forgotten knife between two fingers. The scene is telling enough, but you can’t help but wonder what Hongjoong saw when you had your hand wrapped around Jisung’s neck. If he saw the way you started to pull apart at the seams and become slightly unhinged, that is. An even larger part of you wonders if perhaps what he saw was frightening enough to cause him to step in when he did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thought does not dwell for long; you put the brig behind you and leave Hongjoong to his own devices in there, deciding it better to not think about whatever he plans to do or say until he inevitably mentions it later to the crew. And even if he deems it unnecessary for the crew to know, you would accept that as well. Either way, you wish to leave what just happened behind you, bury it in the recesses of your mind like it’s a memory that does not belong because you wish it didn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your hands continue to tremble by your sides for the entirety of the walk back to the Hongjoong’s quarters.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I fear I will lose my mind if I cannot bring him back safely soon.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: here we are again i really played myself and said yeah this will be under 10k so i LIED to mYSELF um yeah wow okay i never know what to say after finishing a chapter i just go brrr i have a lot of energy tho feeling good about this chapter bringing back the survey bc it’s been a minute and i’d love to hear how we’re feeling nowadays and as always let me know how you feel in the comments replies whatever you wish just bring it on let’s GO hit me with the theories and thoughts! </p><p>if you would like to, you can take the survey here: http://www.survey-maker.com/QBW6PEMTY</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Act Five - Part 4.5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>chapter specific warnings: past abuse and dubious consent are discussed - no graphic depictions of any of the above, depictions of piercings and needles. this interim deals with heavy topics relating to a whorehouse and it is not required to read this interim to understand the rest of the story. it is an optional chapter as all interims are, so please skip over this one if you are not comfortable with the warnings tagged</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I’d like you to give me more piercings.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blunt statement catches Yunho a bit off-guard, moreso than he would like to admit, and as much as he tries to hide that shock, it still slips through nonetheless. He blinks back at Wooyoung with some wonder in his eyes, enough to make the other man tilt his head in question. Yeosang stands beside him as well though the Elitist’s eyes remain unfocused and noncommittal. It’s been quite some time since Yunho gave Wooyoung any piercings — god, how long has it been? Two years? Maybe three? Surely that can’t be right… — and the doctor is absolutely no stranger to the reasons why Wooyoung would be asking for such a thing now. However, because he tries to be a good and fair doctor, Yunho never goes through with the piercings unless he and Wooyoung have talked things through. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And by that, he means therapy, basically. Checking in on where Wooyoung is at mentally and emotionally before doing anything drastic. Yet that also brings more challenges than anything else because out of everyone Yunho has ever treated in his years being a doctor, Wooyoung is by far the more difficult. He doesn’t like talking about himself, his experiences, his feelings; he despises the thought of sharing intimate and vulnerable parts of himself outside of Yeosang, but according to the Elitist, it’s near impossible to get Wooyoung to speak even when it’s just the two of them together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho would call it a phenomenon of trauma but frankly, it makes a perfect amount of sense.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Given what Wooyoung has been through and experienced — between being a slave and suffering at the hands of not one but two cruel masters — Yunho truly cannot blame the young man for being so hesitant to talk about his feelings. But, as he said, he knows vaguely how Wooyoung must be feeling if he is coming to Yunho for more piercings now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You hardly have any room left on those ears for more piercings, Woo,” Yunho comments through a slightly strained smile. Wooyoung opts to simply wave a hand through the air in response. Yeosang glares at the floor. “Take a seat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is a large amount of struggle in this for Yunho. On one hand, he wants to be firm, stand his ground, and say absolutely not until Wooyoung opens up a little. On the other side of things, Yunho understands that this is what Wooyoung needs to cope with whatever trauma he experienced while being held captive. Yunho doesn’t know all the details, of course, he merely knows that Wooyoung was held in a cell on a ship with San and Mingi for several days before being sold to a whorehouse in Lynder. Then he stayed a few days in that whorehouse. He no doubt had to work against his will, no doubt gave in and didn’t fight what he was told to do even though he didn’t want it, and it no doubt brought back horrid memories from his time as a slave. Yunho isn’t stupid. Such a thing would be taxing for anyone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other thing Yunho is grossly over aware of is the fact that pain, to Wooyoung, is nothing. He still has a hard time wrapping his brain around that. Wooyoung… feels pain to a certain degree like any other person would but he has conditioned himself into not feeling it the way others might. The slice of a knife against his arm would be nothing but a pinch of a needle on his skin and wouldn’t bother him one bit; all it is to him is a small pinprick. He asks people to go harder on him when sparring. He punches closed fists against his thighs when he’s upset. He enjoys getting piercings after going through something that would otherwise be traumatic for others. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Because it doesn’t hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Yunho recalls asking once about it because at the time he didn’t understand that either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why do you ask for piercings as though you want to be hurt? If you don’t really feel that pain? What do you gain from it in that case?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Because it’s a pain that I get to choose. All my life I’ve been subjected to pains that are not my own doing or that I didn’t ask for. But in asking for a piercing and choosing where it will go and when it will happen… I get to choose that pain. Getting to have that after suffering pains I didn’t want feels liberating in a way. I enjoy it, as bad as that sounds. It helps me cope with what I’ve been through. Like, for every pain they force on me, I choose a new piercing. Eye for an eye but… on myself, I suppose?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where would you like them?” Yunho inquires, shifting over to shuffle through his cabinets in search of his needles and barbells. “Just one or are we doing more than that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Two this time, I think,” Wooyoung hums as he sits down on the edge of the first bed in his vicinity. Yeosang falls down on the bed next to him without a noise, still staying silent even though Yunho can clearly see how much this bothers him. Which part of it bothers him exactly is a mystery to Yunho because it could be any combination of things. The doctor wants to ask Yeosang if he’s okay with this but that would be a tragic mistake on his part so he bites his tongue instead. It would seem too much like giving Yeosang all the power in Wooyoung’s decisions, and doing such a thing to a former slave would only be detrimental to long-term progress. Besides, he doesn’t need the verbal confirmation when he can clearly see how much Yeosang does not want Wooyoung to do this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho’s hand hesitates over his growing collection of piercing rods, and he glances back at Wooyoung once more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where are you wanting them?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nipples!” The combination of Wooyoung’s blatant enthusiasm as well as Yeosang’s far too deadpan expression sends Yunho reeling, and he chokes around nothing but air before truly processing Wooyoung’s request. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A-Ah, I see, of course. One moment,” Yunho murmurs, blinking down at his collection with a bit of bewilderment before picking out what he thinks to be the right size barbells. He’s not unfamiliar with these sorts of piercings — ones on the body that is — and he has found himself well acquainted with certain body parts of the crew to a point where he is no longer uncomfortable with doing things like this for them. Wooyoung is one of the few (the others being Yeosang, Seonghwa, and Y/N) who Yunho is not well acquainted with in that way, however, so this does come as a bit of a surprise. “Your shirt… would you mind taking it off?” Wooyoung strips himself of his top in the next second, and Yunho watches the way the fabric catches on his metal collar before springing loose. Then his eyes settle on the expanse of freshly exposed skin. It elicits a sharp gasp from Yeosang as well, one that Yunho matches in intensity because… well. Yeah. Yunho isn’t sure how to phrase what comes to his mind then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung,” Yeosang exhales as he balls his fists around the sheets. Wooyoung stares forward at Yunho with a certain expectancy, like he’s challenging the doctor to not breathe a word about the sight before him, but Yunho would rather lose that challenge right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There are… bruises against Wooyoung’s waist. Vaguely shaped like large, manly hands that press the outlines of fingers into his tanned skin. They wrap about the young man’s lithe waist and leave little to the imagination about what sort of scenario and position Wooyoung must have been in when receiving such bruises. The sweeping sensation in Yunho’s gut is so strong that it nearly makes him sick on the spot. Yeosang just looks angry at this point, and Yunho cannot blame him all too much for that. With a sigh, the doctor sinks onto his stool and presses closer to the bed until his knees bump against Wooyoung’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung, we need to talk about… </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Yunho motions to the other’s torso, unable to peel his gaze off the ugly marks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is there to talk about?” Wooyoung sounds almost genuine when asking the question. “We all know the nature of working in a whorehouse. There’s nothing to discuss.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not — you didn’t — </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wooyoung</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Yunho may or may not be bordering on desperation when he exhales this time. He has dealt with a lot of different scenarios and situations as a doctor, but something of this degree is far out of his wheelhouse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I asked them to be rough,” Wooyoung admits through a whisper so quiet that Yunho at first thinks he misheard what the man said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-What was that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said I asked them to be rough.” Wooyoung’s repetition doesn’t make it any easier to hear. Almost worse. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>worse. “I told them to rough me up a little, make me hurt some, I asked them to treat me that way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho spares a pleading glance in Yeosang’s direction, hoping that the man will have some insight on this part of Wooyoung since that is far from Yunho’s specialty. He doesn’t know… intimate details about Yeosang and Wooyoung’s more physical relationship, but Yeosang would surely be the person to ask for confirmation about this side of the man. Instead of a small nod of approval or some sign that this is normal, all Yunho sees is a horrid scowl.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You — did you want them to be this rough with you?” Yunho asks, tone falling into a more quiet one now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I asked them to make me hurt, Yunho.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t the </span>
  <em>
    <span>question</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Wooyoung. Did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> them to do that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I came here to get my fucking nipples pierced, not to be interrogated pointlessly,” Wooyoung snaps back. This time he pushes some venom into his tone but it rolls off Yunho’s shoulders without sticking one bit. “I like pain during sex. I like when Yeosang pushes me around and hits me some even when I’m fully in control. I barely feel it anyways so why should it matter at all? Now are you gonna do this or not because I’m sure I can do it myse—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wooyoung moves to push up off the bed and make for the door but Yeosang is quicker to wrap his hand around Wooyoung’s wrist and pull him back without a word.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did they do anything you didn’t want?” The Elitist asks through tightly gritted teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hesitation and silence speak volumes, Yunho is hurdling towards a conclusion he does not want to hear, and he is ready to cry by the time Wooyoung finally opens his mouth and answers the question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, they didn’t. I got lucky. I got fucking lucky, Yeosang. All my clients in those days were fucking kind and only did what I told them they could because the workers knew I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>fresh meat</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They knew people like me needed to be treated gently for the first few weeks so they only sent clients with good and safe track records to my room. Those clients only ever did what I told them to, only did what I said was okay, didn’t touch me if I said no. I got lucky.” Wooyoung spits the words like he hates himself for speaking them, and Yunho thinks somewhere in the back of his mind that the man was not as lucky as he says he was. He should be relieved, grateful even that he got lucky, but he only sounds enraged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Were there…” Yunho starts but his question dies a bit early on his tongue. He swallows around nothing, pulling a pair of latex gloves off his workstation and working his fingers into them as he mulls over his next words. When the last of the latex snaps around his wrist, he finally speaks again. “Were there ones who weren’t lucky?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Every fucking night after my clients left, I got to listen to the prostitute next door sob alone in a room with no one to help him. And the very first night I tried to talk to him through the fucking wall and ask him if he was okay and if he was hurt, and he told me I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>lucky</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be fresh meat. That they would listen to me because I was new and still had some hope left in my eyes. While he didn’t get that chance, he didn’t get to dictate what he wanted or didn’t want because people just took it from him for so long that he lost the will to ask. So yeah, there were ones who didn’t get lucky. There always are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho opens his mouth but closes it just as quick, expression a cross between blank and just flat out dumb because he doesn’t know what to say if there even is something to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not your fault, Wooyoung,” Yeosang says instead, but his grip on the other’s wrist releases. “What happened to him is not your fault.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What was it that your mother said when you picked me out of a line of slaves? That I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>lucky</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be picked? But why did I get to be lucky while others suffered? Why did I get to choose not to be hurt or in pain while that prostitute was stripped of that choice? We were all whores for sale in that place so what did I do to deserve being treated better than him? What did he do to deserve being treated worse?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Woo…” Somehow the Elitist manages to sound genuinely saddened by the words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The very least I could do was ask to be treated the same as him, was it not? But I couldn’t even have the courage to ask for that? The only thing I could do was ask them to hurt me even though I knew it wouldn’t really hurt. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>lucky</span>
  </em>
  <span> I was, right? If </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> not hurt, then it doesn’t matter who else gets hurt in the process, does it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wooyoung.” The edge in Yeosang’s tone pushes forward, bordering on threatening, but Wooyoung is hellbent on speaking his mind right now and any threat from Yeosang won’t stop him. Yunho has the thought to intervene and stop them but he knows — he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> how badly Wooyoung needs this right now. If this will help him cope with what he had to go through then Yunho is in no place to stop him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If this is what he needs to make </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeosang</span>
  </em>
  <span> cope with it too, then Yunho again is in no place to stop him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How does it feel, Yeosang? Knowing that the only reason I was hurt in there is because I asked for it? Do you still think we got lucky?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t ask me questions you don’t want the answers to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, because if it had been you in there, things would have been different. Because you — </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> are lucky, Yeosang. You always have been and you always will be. Yet no matter how many times I tell you that, you still refuse it. You—” Wooyoung stabs his index finger hard against Yeosang’s chest, voice coming out a bit choked and wet now “—could have sat there for </span>
  <em>
    <span>weeks </span>
  </em>
  <span>and listened to that boy next door cry and sob without an ounce of sympathy. Because that’s what an Elitist would do. That what you were raised to do, that’s in your blood, how your brain works. But it’s not how mine works. So you don’t get to sit there and tell me that I made the wrong decision.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps Yunho is too used to conflict and gross distortions of communication because when Yeosang </span>
  <em>
    <span>stands down</span>
  </em>
  <span> rather than fighting back against Wooyoung’s words, he’s overwhelmed. Simply put, he is overwhelmed. He doesn’t know how else to describe the swell of emotions in his chest. But Yeosang just lets his shoulders sag and his face falls flat once more, anger ebbing out of his expression like Wooyoung has a tight grip of control over him. Yeosang isn’t a person to stand down so easily; he’s stubborn, has a short fuse and even shorter patience that causes issues more often than not, and he hates when things don’t go his way. Yunho merely assumed the same would apply to his relationship with Wooyoung. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t, as it seems. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what would you have me do, Wooyoung? Let you bend until you break without batting an eye? Watch as you blame yourself for something that happened to a person you didn’t even know? Who had been there well before you? Letting you torture yourself for things that are out of your control is not logical or fair; I don’t need to be an Elitist to realize that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can be as upset as you want, I don’t mind if you’re upset, that’s not what this is about!” Wooyoung argues back, voice climbing in volume a bit. Yunho takes it upon himself to lean away from the bed a bit, and he does his best to make himself seem as insignificant as possible while prepping his clamps and needles. “It doesn’t matter if it was my fault or not. What matters is that he suffered while I did not. And even asking to be hit and pushed around and bruised wasn’t enough because I was still </span>
  <em>
    <span>asking </span>
  </em>
  <span>for it. I’m… I’m not saying that I wanted my choice taken away — I would never ever ask for that or want that in any capacity. That’s the worst possible thing that could ever happen to a person. No one deserves that. No one. It just didn’t feel fair enough even though it was all I could do to make it feel fair. So yeah, I got fucking lucky, I guess. But he didn’t do anything to deserve to be unlucky.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying that he did, Woo,” Yeosang whispers to the space between them. “I’m certain that he was a good person who got a bad hand in life, and I’m sure he deserved much better than what he was given. You always ask me to consider your thoughts and feelings on matters. You tell me that it’s because I’m an Elitist that I can’t understand you. You say I just have to accept things and move on, but you don’t — I’m not some emotionless husk, Wooyoung. Being an Elitist doesn’t make me not feel anything. Just because I think with logic more than emotion doesn’t mean that I can’t have emotions. For every fucking night you were gone from my side, I suffered too. It felt like I was losing you to the fate you wanted to fight together, and there was nothing I could do except </span>
  <em>
    <span>wait</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I was lucky too. Lucky that I didn’t have to wait longer or fight harder to get you back. Lucky that we got you on the first try. Lucky to have you even sitting before me now. It’s not… the reason I keep saying that we got lucky isn’t because I think everyone else in that whorehouse deserves the fate they were given. It’s because we had the chance to fight what fate gave us and took it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeosang manages a shaky exhale. He blinks down at his hands without saying anything for several moments but doesn’t look back up at Wooyoung even when he decides to talk again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For the first time in over fourteen years, I didn’t get to be your shield. I wasn’t at your side. It wasn’t as simple as coming home from a mission and having you by my side, in my bed, or being in your arms. None of that was even an option because it wasn’t a mission and there was no guarantee of if you would ever come back. I have dedicated my whole life to protecting you because I promised to never let you be hurt again. So you want the answer to that question? How does it feel knowing that the only reason you were hurt in there was because you asked for it? It feels like you’re fucking spitting in my face, Wooyoung, and taunting me for my failures because I wasn’t there to stop you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That causes Wooyoung to backtrack in an instant. Realization sinks through his skin, and Yunho doesn’t doubt that it hurts more than any pain that he could inflict on himself. Because that’s the thing about love — it can simultaneously bring you the greatest joys in life as well as the deepest ruin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And right now?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yunho can clearly see the ruin in Wooyoung’s features as much as he tries to contain the emotions. Yeosang doesn’t stop there, and it’s with a small shake of his head that he lifts his chin to look Wooyoung in the eye again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not blaming you, Wooyoung. I know the kind of person you are, I know how deeply and strongly you feel, especially towards injustices and unfairness like what that boy experienced in there. I know you did what you thought you had to, and I’m not blaming you for making those decisions. But do not ask me to love you even a fragment less than I do now. I knew a boy who was in that very same position once too. Who didn’t have a choice, who couldn’t make any decisions for himself, who didn’t get to choose his pain. I knew a boy who sat on the other side of a metal divider in a bed too small for his body and cried because of how unfair life was to him. And I promised that boy I would get him out and save him and keep him safe from harm at any and all costs. I can’t keep that promise if you won’t let me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The breath of silence that ensues after Yeosang speaks is thick enough to choke Yunho, and he pauses his movements in the wake of that quiet because it just feels utterly wrong to even move right now. Wooyoung is dangerously still, perhaps more still than Yunho has ever seen him before. Then a tear escapes the corner of his eye and rolls down the ball of his cheek to pool at his jawline before dropping to the bed. It breaks the dam of the frozen atmosphere, and Wooyoung careens forward to smack his fist against Yeosang’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You stupid little — how can you say cute shit with that stupid lovesick look on your face? And I’m supposed to be okay? God, I’m gonna suck the soul out of you later for that, you absolute </span>
  <em>
    <span>sap</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Then ride you until you </span>
  <em>
    <span>cry </span>
  </em>
  <span>for good mea—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, too much information, hello!” Yunho intervenes before Wooyoung can even think about finishing the thought in front of him. “Listen, I’m all for sex but I do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> need to hear those kinds of details. Just… practice safe sex and wear protection. That’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> I need to know about your sex lives, please!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just trying to show my appreciation here,” Wooyoung argues through a wet sniff, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, well, save the appreciation for later. I’m still piercing you, am I not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was that enough talking for you then?” Wooyoung offers a small laugh that sounds more pitiful than anything else, but Yunho isn’t about to call him out on such a thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You tell me, Wooyoung.” Yunho shrugs a bit and glances over to where Yeosang is sitting, watching the way the Elitist folds a hand over Wooyoung’s without hesitation. “This is about how you’re feeling and where you’re at mentally and emotionally. I’m not the person who gets to determine whether it’s enough or not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, i-its — I feel… better getting to tell someone that. And getting to reassure you guys that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Even if I still feel a bit of guilt about it, I know I couldn’t change it even if I tried. But yeah, talking about it — that helped.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad,” Yunho hums through a smile of his own. “I know you’re probably sick of hearing me say it over and over, but my door is always open if you’d like to talk more about it. That goes for both of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll keep it in mind, Yun, don’t worry! But right now I’d like for you to put that needle through my nipples so I can get on with choking on Yeos—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope, okay! I’ll put this needle through your tongue to shut you up instead, how about that?”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a/n: okay so!! i felt like this chapter was kinda necessary? considering what we saw wooyoung go through and i didn’t want to bury what he went through or act like it didn’t happen but bec of the heavy nature of the topics i wanted to make sure that it wasn’t absolutely crucial for anyone to read this and feel like they were missing out. these are serious things, they are important things, and as always i tried my best to represent those things as best i could and as realistically as possible to avoid any romanticizing of these topics so i hope i was able to convey that and the feelings the characters had well. please please please take care i love u all as always be safe and stay healthy !! i’ll see you guys soon with another chapter!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you would like to learn more about the class system or characters, head over to this link to see extra info i have on my tumblr! https://hongism.tumblr.com/post/616583908163764224/mists-of-celeste-masterlist</p></blockquote></div></div>
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